12. Extra Podcast – Quick Hello 3

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For a full transcript of this episode, click here.
Another quick podcast to say “hello” and “I am still alive”. I will upload a longer podcast soon – about my trip to Spain, or my band. I haven’t decided the topic yet, but you’ll be able to listen to it soon – I promise!

Thanks for the emails from Mariano and Inna, and to other people around the world who have said hi to me on the webpage (Taewook, Seaisal, Tomo, Kaori, Marsha, Kev).

The comedy sketch for you to listen to, study and enjoy today is from the film Monty Python and The Holy Grail (look here for the Amazon link to the film – you can buy it in your country and watch the whole thing – it’s a classic British comedy and very very funny: Buy Monty Python & The Holy Grail on Amazon.

In the scene, a king talks to his son about all the land he is going to inherit, but the son is not interested – he’d rather sing, and write poetry. He’s not even interested in the beautiful Princess Lucky, whose Father owns the biggest tracts of open land in the islands! Also, the prince is guarded by two very stupid guards… Here’s the script for you to study, and the YouTube video as well. Enjoy!

FATHER: One day, lad, all this will be yours!
PRINCE HERBERT: What, the curtains?
FATHER: No. Not the curtains, lad. All that you can see, stretched out over
the hills and valleys of this land! This’ll be your kingdom, lad.
HERBERT: But Mother–
FATHER: Father, lad. Father.
HERBERT: B– b– but Father, I don’t want any of that.
FATHER: Listen, lad. I built this kingdom up from nothing. When I started
here, all there was was swamp. Other kings said I was daft to build a
castle on a swamp, but I built it all the same, just to show ’em. It sank
into the swamp. So, I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. So
I built a third one. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the
swamp. But the fourth one… stayed up! And that’s what you’re gonna get,
lad: the strongest castle in these islands.
HERBERT: But I don’t want any of that. I’d rather–
FATHER: Rather what?!
HERBERT: I’d rather…
…just… sing!
FATHER: Stop that! Stop that! You’re not going into a song while I’m here.
Now listen, lad. In twenty minutes you’re getting married to a girl whose
father owns the biggest tracts of open land in Britain.
HERBERT: B– but I don’t want land.
FATHER: Listen, Alice,–
HERBERT: Herbert.
FATHER: ‘Erbert. We live in a bloody swamp. We need all the land we can get.
HERBERT: But– but I don’t like her.
FATHER: Don’t like her?! What’s wrong with her?! She’s beautiful. She’s
rich. She’s got huge… tracts of land.
HERBERT: I know, but I want the– the girl that I marry to have…
…a certain… special… something!
FATHER: Cut that out! Cut that out! Look, you’re marrying Princess Lucky, so
you’d better get used to the idea!
Guards! Make sure the Prince doesn’t leave this room until I come and get
GUARD #1: Not to leave the room even if you come and get him.
GUARD #2: Hic!
FATHER: No, no. Until I come and get him.
GUARD #1: Until you come and get him, we’re not to enter the room.
FATHER: No, no. No. You stay in the room and make sure he doesn’t leave.
GUARD #1: And you’ll come and get him.
GUARD #2: Hic!
FATHER: Right.
GUARD #1: We don’t need to do anything, apart from just stop him entering the
FATHER: No, no. Leaving the room.
GUARD #1: Leaving the room. Yes.
FATHER: All right?
GUARD #1: Right.
GUARD #2: Hic!
FATHER: Right.
GUARD #1: Oh, if– if– if– uhh– if– if– w– ehh– i– if– if we–
FATHER: Yes? What is it?
GUARD #1: Oh, i– if– i– oh–
FATHER: Look, it’s quite simple.
GUARD #1: Uh…
FATHER: You just stay here, and make sure ‘e doesn’t leave the room. All
GUARD #2: Hic!
FATHER: Right.
GUARD #1: Oh, I remember. Uhh, can he leave the room with us?
FATHER: N– no no. No. You just keep him in here, and make sure he–
GUARD #1: Oh, yes. We’ll keep him in here, obviously. But if he had to
leave and we were with him–
FATHER: No, no, no, no. Just keep him in here–
GUARD #1: Until you, or anyone else–
FATHER: No, not anyone else. Just me.
GUARD #1: Just you.
GUARD #2: Hic!
FATHER: Get back.
GUARD #1: Get back.
FATHER: All right?
GUARD #1: Right. We’ll stay here until you get back.
GUARD #2: Hic!
FATHER: And, uh, make sure he doesn’t leave.
GUARD #1: What?
FATHER: Make sure ‘e doesn’t leave.
GUARD #1: The Prince?
FATHER: Yes. Make sure ‘e doesn’t leave.
GUARD #1: Oh, yes, of course.
GUARD #2: Hic!
GUARD #1: Ah. I thought you meant him. You know, it seemed a bit daft me
havin’ to guard him when he’s a guard.
FATHER: Is that clear?
GUARD #2: Hic!
GUARD #1: Oh, quite clear. No problems.
FATHER: Right. Where are you going?
GUARD #1: We’re coming with you.
FATHER: No, no. I want you to stay here and make sure ‘e doesn’t leave.
GUARD #1: Oh, I see. Right.
HERBERT: But Father!
FATHER: Shut your noise, you! And get that suit on!
And no singing!
GUARD #2: Hic!
FATHER: Oh, go and get a glass of water.

7 thoughts on “12. Extra Podcast – Quick Hello 3

  1. Dmitry from Belarus

    Hello Luke,
    I’ve just finished to listen this episode no.12 for the third time. I find it quite funny and sense of humour is pretty good. You said before that english humour is specific, but I must say it seems to me very smart and delicate. I fond of your podcasts and folowing the order. It takes me one week to finish one episode and I guess I will never catch the last one).

  2. Klare Anonymous

    Hi Luke
    if you don’t put the finished podcasts to the finished Podcasts awaiting correction anybody can delete them or make alterations. Of course you know that. -:)
    So, this one is finished.
    Klara Anonymous

    1. Luke Thompson Post author

      Thank you Klara, I will lock that page as soon as I can, but as a precaution could you save a copy of the transcript (and any other you’ve done) at home on your computer as a backup, in case anything happens to the Google doc? Thanks.
      I’m away for a few days but I will add transcripts asap.

  3. Anonymous

    Hi Luke
    Thank you for this one! It was nice and really very funny.And it was easy to make a transcript. Hope you can use it. I am sorry that means more work for you, although you could trust me. It’s good enough and you don’t need to correct it.

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