Category Archives: Comedy

865. Catching Up with Amber & Paul #13

Amber & Paul return to the podcast for another tangential conversation about various things, including why Paul is angry 😤, how Amber gets crushed in her own bed 🛌, how our British children don’t need to wear coats 🧥, the special gifts Luke has prepared for Amber & Paul 🎁, the highs and lows of Paul’s global comedy tour 🎭, how he’s been telling the Russian joke on stage 😐, Amber’s recent trip to London 🇬🇧, The Beatles’ “Now & Then” 🎶, the next step in Paul’s career ⏩, Amber’s kids saying more funny things 👧👦💬 and more…

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☝️ The audio episode has some extra content at the end

What is The Lying Game? (next episode)

In the next episode we’re playing The Lying Game. If you want to listen to previous lying game episodes, check out this list 👇

308. The Lying Game (Part 1) with Amber & Paul | Luke’s ENGLISH Podcast

309. The Lying Game (Part 2) with Amber & Paul | Luke’s ENGLISH Podcast

317. The Lying Game 2: The Rematch (Part 1) with Amber & Paul | Luke’s ENGLISH Podcast

318. The Lying Game 2: The Rematch (Part 2) with Amber & Paul | Luke’s ENGLISH Podcast   

343. The Interactive Lying Game (with Amber & Paul) / Descriptive Adjectives with T / Three is a Magic Number | Luke’s ENGLISH Podcast

436. The Return of The Lying Game (with Amber & Paul) [Video] | Luke’s ENGLISH Podcast  

642. The Lying Game Returns (with Amber & Paul) | Luke’s ENGLISH Podcast 

663. The Lockdown Lying Game with Amber & Paul | Luke’s ENGLISH Podcast

864. A Winter Ramble ❄️ Learn English with LEP

Join me as I talk without a script about lovely cold weather ❄️ being too lazy to wash my cups 🍵 feeling exhausted because my son won’t sleep 👶😮‍💨 New Year’s Eve celebrations 🛋 performing stand up comedy to 4200 people 🎤 a recommended YouTube channel about adventurous missions in the UK countryside 🥾 and recent horror films I’ve seen 🙀.

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GeoWizard’s Mission Across Wales #1 👇

850. Any Language You Want 📖 with Fabio Cerpelloni

Fabio has written a book about language learning, based on his own personal experiences of learning English. Each chapter ends with the same sentence: “This is how to learn a language”. But each chapter disagrees with the next. There are many ways to learn a language, and none of them is the only right way to do it. In this episode, we talk all about this and Fabio shares some of his stories. Fabio is the host of “Stolariod Stories” a self-development podcast which includes lots of lessons about learning English, and learning about life in general.

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☝️ The audio version has 20+ extra minutes of rambling from Luke ☝️

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IK3zmdowd_A&ab_channel=Luke%27sEnglishPodcast

👉 Get Fabio’s book “Any Language You Want” https://fabiocerpelloni.com/any-language-you-want/

👉 Listen to Fabio interview Luke about stand-up comedy on Stolaroid Stories https://pod.link/1588409467/episode/5a1f614be55bdffa8513091565ef4985

👇 Video version of “The Art of Making People Laugh” on Stolaroid Stories


Also, listen to Luke’s funny story on Bree Aesie’s podcast recently 👇

846. Topic Tombola with James

“The Glib Brothers” reunite on the podcast to discuss more music, films, books, scary AI and UFO sightings. James is my older brother and he’s probably been on this podcast more than any other guest. Listen for another deep and humorous conversation with lots of cultural reference points.

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Some of the things we talked about in this episode 👇

  • Blow Up (1966 mystery thriller film set in London, directed by Michelangelo Antonioni)
  • The Bee Gees (Barry, Robin and Maurice Gibb – The Gibb Brothers)
  • Diary of a CEO (Stephen Bartlett’s podcast)
  • Record Play Pause by Stephen Morris (a book about Joy Division / New Order)
  • ChatGPT & AI (you know)
  • 1984 by George Orwell (a famous book about living under a totalitarian regime)
  • Brave New World by Aldous Huxley (another famous book about living under a different kind of totalitarian regime)
  • This Is Spinal Tap (a cult classic comedy film about a fictional rock band)
  • Alan Partridge (a comedy character played by actor/comedian Steve Coogan)
  • Three Amigos (comedy film directed by John Landis, written by Lorne Michaels, Steve Martin and Randy Newman, starring Steve Martin, Chevy Chase and Martin Short – a Thompson family favourite)
  • Green Street (an unintentionally hilarious drama film about football hooligans in the UK, starring Elijah Wood)

James’ Music – Glytek Audio

A TOMBOLA :)

842. A Pre-Baby Summertime Ramble ☀️👶

Hang out with me for an unscripted and unedited ramble about things like engaging moments while English teaching, how it feels to be about to become a father again, a funny new recording of my daughter speaking English, some recent films I’ve seen, and a recording of me doing stand-up comedy in front of an audience recently.

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https://youtu.be/bskYld1hlTs

How are you? 🙂 Leave a comment below👇


The films I mentioned in this episode 🎬 🎬 🎬

  • Guardians of the Galaxy 3
  • The VVitch
  • Hereditary
  • Spiderman Across the Spiderverse
  • Mission Impossible 3 – 6
  • Top Gun Maverick
  • Sorcerer

My conversation with Antony Rotunno about the film Sorcerer

840. Things that make you go “Hmmm” 🤔 Life, Laughter & Learning English

Here is a list of curious mysteries, jokes and observations about the English language and life in general. I talk about each interesting point, give some funny comments and explain bits of English vocabulary in the process. Expect to learn a few things, and have a bit of a laugh in the process.

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☝️Audio version has 15+ extra minutes, with some grammar and vocabulary explanations.

https://youtu.be/j4WBm_k2VPU

Episode Transcript / Notes

Mini-Mysteries, Jokes & Observations about The English Language (and Life in General) 

Aka “Things that make you go “Hmmm🤔😅

A while ago I got an email from a listener called Hana (hello Hana!) 

In the email Hana sent me a list of little jokes, funny observations about life and some peculiarities and ‘mysteries’ of the English language. 

A collection of whimsical and amusing questions and jokes.

To give you an idea of the kind of thing I’m talking about, it’s stuff like this:


English is funny – a ‘fat chance’ and a ‘slim chance’ are the same thing.

When you’re a child, you don’t realise that you’re also watching your mum and dad grow up.

The word QUEUE is just the letter Q followed by four completely unnecessary letters.

The last 10% of a tube of toothpaste lasts about as long as the first 90%.

Every time you check your pockets for your wallet, keys, and phone, you do 25% of the Macarena.

We have all, at one point, kicked a pregnant woman.


You get the idea.

Hana said the list had been sent to her by someone on WhatsApp so she forwarded them to me, just for fun. 

Well, thanks Hana. This is all useful stuff I could use to make an episode of my podcast. 

It’s all just a bit of light-hearted fun (in theory) and I’m sure there’s English to learn from this too. 

So, while you are listening, watch out for vocabulary which comes up during this episode.

Let’s get started.

Hello Luke,I just received these jokes on my WhatsApp and I thought of you. Best wishes, Hana

*When you have nothing better to do*

*Just try to find answers for these*


1. If poison expires; is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous? 🤔

The expiry date

The sell-by date

The use-by date


2. Which letter is silent in the word “Scent” (perfume) the S or the C? 🤔


3. Do twins ever realise that one of them is “unplanned”?   🤔

(ouch)


4. Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn’t it be called double V? 

🤔

(The Grammarphobia Blog: Why isn’t a W called a double v? )


5. Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty.

🤔

We’re just moving dirt from one thing to another thing.

Where does all the dirt end up?


6. The word “swims” upside-down is still “swims”    🤔

Ambigrams – Wikipedia 


7. 100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars

Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses. 🤔


8. If you replace “W” with “T” in the words “What, Where and When“, you get the answer to each one  🤔

What? → That

Where? → There

When? → Then


*Still have time for fun..?*

*Let’s try this*

Four Great Confusions

Which are still unresolved

😄😂


1. At a movie theatre (cinema), which arm rest is yours?


2. If people evolved from monkeys, why are monkeys still around?

*this is not unresolved – evolutionary biology has the answer

https://www.facebook.com/ScienceEvidenceIntelligence/photos/a.316271969223518/824161461767897/?paipv=0&eav=AfZIducQdqRXSOlCtTDkautRgwf27C1U6Pao7hr2FHEklxdymC1Y737MIKFPpPyl-fc&_rdr

3. Why is there a ‘D’ in ‘fridge’, but not in ‘refrigerator’?

Why Is There a D in “Fridge” but Not in “Refrigerator”? 


4.  Who knew what time it was, when the first clock was made?


*Well, try this now*

Ambiguities of the English Language! Enjoy.!!!

😀


1. I wonder why the word “Funeral” starts with FUN?

Saderall would be better, because you’re all sad.


2. Why isn’t a Fireman called a Water-man?


3. How come Lipstick doesn’t do what it says?

Lipstick – it’s a stick for your lips

It’s not stuff that “sticks to your lips”.

Also, it isn’t a stick made of lips. That would be weird


4. If money doesn’t grow on trees, how come Banks have Branches?

5. If a Vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a Humanitarian eat?


6. How do you get off a non-stop Flight?


7. Why are goods sent by *ship* called CARGO, and those sent by *truck* SHIPMENT?

ChatGPT has the answer (smartypants)

Goods that are shipped by boat are called cargo because the word “cargo” comes from the Spanish word “cargar,” which means “to load.” This makes sense because when goods are shipped by boat, they are loaded onto the vessel. 

In contrast, goods that are shipped by truck are called a shipment because they are being shipped from one place to another. The word “shipment” comes from the Old French word “envoiement,” which means “the act of sending.” So, a shipment is a collection of goods that are being sent from one place to another, regardless of the mode of transportation.


8. Why do we put cups in the “Dishwasher” and the dishes in the “Cupboard“?

The word “cupboard” originated in the Middle English word “cubbert,” which came from the Old French word “couvert,” meaning “covered.” A cupboard is a type of cabinet or closet with shelves or drawers for storing household items. 

The name “cupboard” likely comes from the fact that these types of storage units were originally used to store cups and other dishware. Over time, the meaning of the word “cupboard” has expanded to include any type of cabinet or closet used for storage. (yes, ChatGPT again)


9. Why do doctors “practise” medicine? 

I don’t want a doctor who practises medicine, I want one who has learned how to do it!


10. Why is it called “Rush Hour” when traffic moves at its slowest at that time?

​​


11. How come noses run and feet smell


Shouldn’t it be the other way around?


12. Why do they call it a TV ‘set’ when there is only one? 

The know-it-all ChatGPT has the answer *yawn*

The word “set” in this context refers to a complete television system, not just the physical television itself. A television set includes the television, as well as any additional components or accessories that are required to receive and display television signals. 

In the past, television sets often included components such as a VCR, DVD player, or cable box, and these additional components were often referred to as “attachments.” Even though most modern televisions are self-contained and do not require additional components, the term “television set” is still used to refer to the entire system.


13. What are you vacating when you go on a “vacation“?


We can never find the answers

Can we❓

If you have the *Spirit* of understanding everything in a positive manner – You’ll enjoy every moment in LIFE, whether it’s *PRESSURE or PLEASURE*

So just enjoy the PUN and FUN of the English language.

😂🤣😂

Enjoy and have fun.😘👍

Hana Fakhoury Hajeer, PhD.


A Note about the words “STUFF” and “THINGS”

Also, just at the end here I thought I could explain a couple of points about the words “stuff” and “thing(s)”. 

So, here is a note about that.

Of course you are aware of these words. People use them all the time. They certainly came up in this episode. 

For example, at the beginning of the episode I said “Let’s talk about some stuff. Here’s some more stuff to help you learn English” and I think the episode is in fact going to be called 

“Things that make you go ‘Hmmm’.”

So what about these words? I often notice that my learners of English don’t use them very much, but I think they are very useful. 

Of course you shouldn’t overdo it and use them all the time, when a more specific word is appropriate, but still, they are useful and very common. 

The main thing here, the main point, is that the word thing is a countable noun, and the word stuff is uncountable. 

That’s the only difference really.

In English, countable and uncountable nouns have different rules regarding their usage. Here’s a general overview.

Countable Nouns 

1. Countable nouns refer to items that can be counted as individual units.

2. They can be used in both singular and plural forms.

3. Singular countable nouns are typically preceded by an article (a/an) or a specific determiner (e.g., this, that, my).

4. Plural countable nouns usually take an “s” at the end, but irregular plural forms exist as well.

5. Countable nouns can be quantified using numbers or words like “many,” “few,” “some,” etc.

6. They can be used with “a few,” “several,” or “many” to indicate a specific quantity.

Example sentences

– “I have two cats.”

– “She bought some books.”

– “He needs a new car.”

– “There are many students in the classroom.”

Uncountable Nouns

1. Uncountable nouns refer to substances, concepts, or ideas that cannot be counted as separate units.

2. They are typically singular and do not have a plural form.

3. Uncountable nouns do not usually take an indefinite article (a/an) but can take a definite article (the) when specified.

4. They cannot be quantified directly with numbers, but words like “some,” “a little,” “a lot of,” etc., can be used.

5. To express a specific quantity, you can use measurement words like “a cup of,” “a bottle of,” “a piece of,” etc.

Example sentences

– “I need to buy some milk.”

– “She has a lot of experience.”

– “Could you pass me the salt, please?”

– “He drank a glass of water.”

It’s important to note that some nouns can be both countable and uncountable, depending on the context. For example, “water” can be uncountable (as in “I need water”) or countable (as in “There are three waters on the table”).

Just as a quick test, which word would you use to complete these sentences? 

Thing / things or stuff

  1. There is just one _______ I need to tell you before you go.
  2. Can you pass me one of those _______ on that box over there?
  3. Can I have some more of that _______? It was really good.
  4. Ugh, what’s all that sticky _______ on the table?
  5. I need to go into town to buy one or two _______ for dinner, would you like to come?
  6. Your bag is so heavy. How many _______ do you have in here?
  7. There’s too much _______ in the back of the car. I can’t see out of the window.
  8. How much _______ did you bring with you? You don’t need all of those _______.
  9. Sit down, we have some important _______/_______ to tell you.

Answers

  1. There is just one thing I need to tell you before you go.
  2. Can you pass me one of those things on that box over there?
  3. Can I have some more of that stuff? It was really good.
  4. Ugh, what’s all that sticky stuff on the table?
  5. I need to go into town to buy one or two things for dinner, would you like to come?
  6. Your bag is so heavy. How many things do you have in here?
  7. There’s too much stuff in the back of the car. I can’t see out of the window.
  8. How much stuff did you bring with you? You don’t need all of those things.
  9. Sit down, we have some important things/stuff to tell you.

Errors

  • ❌There are some amazing stuff in this shop.
    There are some amazing things / There is some amazing stuff
  • ❌Can you pass me that stuff on the table? (talking about one object)
    Can you pass me that thing on the table?
  • ❌We need to get some more stuffs from the shop.
    We need to get some more stuff…
    We need to get some more things…

839. Kate Billington Cycled to Berlin 🚴‍♀️

Kate Billington returns for her 4th appearance on LEP to create some fun English conversation for you to listen to. We talk about lots of things, as usual, including her cycling trip to Berlin and a nasty accident she had on her bicycle in Paris earlier this year. Expect tangents, vocab, idioms, jokes, stories, cups of tea and some very “professional” podcast eating.

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The audio version has some extra content ☝️

https://youtu.be/reKNRVU6l-M

British Council Mini-English Lessons on YouTube 👇

838. A 3-Hour Mega-Ramble / Reflecting on a Wonderful Spring Day in Paris

This is the longest episode of LEP so far, and it’s a solo ramble. Relax, follow my words, hang out with me for 3 hours, get stranded on a desert island of the imagination, and then get rescued. Includes a haircut, a sleep and a t-shirt change during the episode.

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PDF Script / Notes for this episode 👇

836. Life & Life Only with Antony Rotunno [Part 2] David Blaine, Food & Diet, The Shining, Conspiracies, Comedy, Happiness

Since recording part 1 of this conversation, Antony caught COVID-19 and lost a bit of weight, but he managed to talk for about 100 minutes here about more topics he has previously covered in episodes of his podcast “Life & Life Only”. Here we discuss diverse things, including the extraordinary feats of endurance by David Blaine 🕴🏻, food and dieting 🍔, Stanley Kubrik’s film “The Shining” 🪓, the term “conspiracy theory” 🤫, the ways that comedy shows can reveal the truth 🎭, and the complex art of happiness 🙂.

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☝️The audio version includes some extra content at the end, including a song on the guitar

Topics covered in this episode

David Blaine

  • Who is David Blaine? 
  • What can we learn from his tricks?

Food

  • Do you watch what you eat or have a particular diet?

Films

  • What are your favourite films? 
  • What’s so interesting about The Shining?

Conspiracy Theories

  • What’s wrong with the phrase “conspiracy theory”?

Comedy

  • What’s your favourite comedy show?
  • Is British and American comedy different?

Happiness

  • What is the art of happiness?

Song Lyrics – “Coffee & TV” by Blur

https://tabs.ultimate-guitar.com/tab/blur/coffee-and-tv-chords-800996

Luke & Antony talk about the film “Sorcerer” (1977) on the Film Gold podcast

833. Text Adventure Story: Lemon Simulator (by Daniel Champion)

Join me as I read through a bizarre online game. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be a lemon? No? Well, neither had I, until I played this game. Can I escape the kitchen, become human again and avoid being chopped up and turned into a juice! Watch out for some descriptive language and some funny moments along the way! Story by Daniel Champion on www.textadventures.co.uk

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🍋 Play “Lemon Simulator” by Daniel Champion and read the text https://textadventures.co.uk/games/view/6q7gsnm4oeyqsmou1artbw/lemon-simulator-2014