Category Archives: Hello

416. What was the most popular episode of LEP in 2016? + more podcast statistics

Here is an overview of how 2016 was for Luke’s English Podcast including some details about the top 5 episodes, the top 20 countries, and more statistics for the last 12 months.

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Plenty of people said that 2016 was a pretty crap year, mainly because of what happened in politics but also because of the number of well-loved celebrities that we lost. But it was a pretty good year for LEP.

In fact 2016 was the best year ever for this podcast.

It got nominated for a BC Elton award, and I’ve had more listens this year than in previous years. In fact the figures have been going up steadily since I started the podcast. For some reason the downloads shot up in September and continued to climb, reaching a peak in December.

Here are some stats for you

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Top Countries in 2016

  1. China
  2. Russia
  3. Japan
  4. United Kingdom
  5. Spain
  6. South Korea
  7. Poland
  8. Germany
  9. Ukraine
  10. United States
  11. Italy
  12. Brazil
  13. Australia
  14. France
  15. Turkey
  16. Vietnam
  17. Taiwan
  18. Czech Republic
  19. Thailand
  20. Canada

Thanks for listening!

Why do you think episodes 396, 398, 337, 409 and 392 are the most popular of 2016?

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Also, what’s your favourite episode?

411. British Festivals and Holidays (Part 1)

Here’s an episode all about special days and celebrations in the British calendar. You’ll hear cultural information about holidays and customs, and some pronunciation work on how to say dates and the months of the year. Transcript and videos below.

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Introduction

This episode is being recorded before Christmas. I’m going to upload it sometime around Boxing Day I think. You’re probably listening during the Christmas period or the new year period. I hope you’re having a lovely time wherever you are and whatever you’re doing.

This episode is all about British festivals and holidays that occur throughout the year. Let’s look ahead to the coming year of 2017 and see what kinds of things Brits will be doing for certain special occasions.

I’m recording this because at some point earlier this year I got a message from a listener challenging me to talk about all the major British festivals and holidays in one episode and I said “challenge accepted”, and so now, finally, here is that episode! I don’t remember your name – I’m sorry! But here it is ok! The thing is – the challenge was to do it all in one episode and I have a feeling this is more than one episode because I’ve got lots of things to say about this!

The UK calendar is absolutely full of festivals of many kinds. In fact, there are festivals and special days in every month of the year. These festivals mark various special occasions connected to the passing of the seasons, important historical or religious events and significant people in the UK.

In this episode let’s explore those main festivals and public holidays, in rather fast style.

I’m from England, so my version might be a bit Anglo-centric, but I have tried to include a variety of festivals and not just the ones that seem significant to me as an individual.

This episode should be a great little journey through the UK calendar, and it should help you learn some more British culture. Also we’re going to look at how to pronounce the months, dates and days in British English.

So, without further ado, let’s get cracking! Here’s our whistle-stop tour of British festivals and holidays.

So, there are public holidays – days of statutory leave – days off given to us by law, and these are generally known as bank holidays, and there are festivals. Not every festival is a holiday.

So, bank holidays and festivals.

Bank Holidays
If you’ve lived in the UK you’ll know that a bank holiday is usually a wonderful, wonderful thing in theory. They usually happen on a Monday and sometimes on other days, but usually on a Monday. So a bank holiday is a long weekend. They’re usually associated with an old religious occasion or some other important reason for the state.

Three of these bank holidays take place in the summer, so everyone imagines they will be out in the garden having a barbecue or in the park having a picnic or something. In reality they probably involve getting caught in the rain in some way, perhaps while attempting to have a barbecue in the garden or picnic in the park or something.

Having our public holidays on Mondays is a great thing though, because it means you get a day off, and a long weekend. Shops and services are sometimes closed, which can be a bit annoying, but less so these days – in fact the shops tend to do quite well on a bank holiday weekend and so they stay open. So it can be a good day to go out shopping.

Banks are closed though, which can be a bit of a pain in the neck if you need to use your day off work to get something done at the bank.

These public holidays are originally called Bank Holidays because in 1871 certain days were designated in law as being days on which no financial transactions should take place, just like on Christmas Day. I suppose this was to give workers a few guaranteed days off a year – so that they didn’t get completely exhausted working in factories every day of the year. These days people have more statutory paid holidays – in fact everyone is entitled to 5.6 weeks of paid holiday per year. That may or may not include the bank holidays – it’s up to the employer. At the last company I worked for in London we had to work on bank holidays, which sucked a lot. While all my other friends were out attempting to have barbecues and getting caught in the rain, I was teaching English. But, it was a good school to work for so they allowed us to take our bank holidays as ‘days in lieu’ – days off which replaced the bank holidays that we worked. I would always take all my days in lieu during quiet periods at the school in December so I could do all my Christmas shopping.

These so-called Bank Holidays are scattered throughout the year, and they’ve been arranged to land on Mondays, corresponding to certain periods or events in the year.

So, instead of having specific dates, our holidays are matched to Mondays in the year, unlike in France where the public holidays always arrive on the same date – even if it’s a Saturday or Sunday (nightmare). Sometimes public holidays in France land on a Tuesday or Thursday and a lot of people ‘do the bridge’ which means that they take the Monday or Friday off as well, and enjoy a massive long weekend. If that happens, it seems the country grinds to a halt because everyone’s gone on holiday for most of the week.

We have 7 bank holidays in the year in the UK. A bank holiday weekend is a truly wonderful thing about life in the UK. It’s a long weekend, and you’re always guaranteed to get it. There are two in May, which makes that month a particularly good one in the UK. It’s normal to celebrate by having a barbecue or a party, or just going out and having fun in the sunshine.

Upcoming bank holidays in England and Wales

2017

2 January – Monday – New Year’s Day (substitute day) (if it falls on a weekend, they give you the next Monday off, which is nice)
14 April – Friday – Good Friday
17 April – Monday – Easter Monday (Easter is a fantastic 4-day weekend)
1 May – Monday – Early May bank holiday (it’s also called May Day and probably originates from Roman celebrations of the beginning of the summer period – in some countries there is Labour Day on 1 May, which celebrates the rights of workers, but we don’t do Labour Day – instead ours is the early May bank holiday – I think this is because the whole concept of bank holidays covers essentially the same purpose as Labour Day)
29 May – Monday – Spring bank holiday (This is also called the late May bank holiday and is connected to Pentecost – in fact it’s the first Monday after Pentecost. What’s Pentecost? It’s the Christian festival celebrating the descent of the Holy Spirit on the disciples of Jesus after his Ascension, held on the seventh Sunday after Easter. So, the first Monday after the seventh Sunday after Easter. Are you following this? Most people just find out from their employer, from the newspapers, friends or from a calendar they probably got for Christmas.
28 August – Monday – Summer bank holiday (Barbecue & disappointment season – it’s there to mark the end of the summer holidays)
25 December – Monday – Christmas Day
26 December – Tuesday – Boxing Day (Again, if Christmas Day or Boxing Day land on a weekend, then they give you the next available days off –  like in 2016 when you get a day off on the 27 because 25 landed on a Sunday)

How to say months and dates

In a moment I’m going to go through festivals and days of celebration or commemoration which happen in every month during the year.

Before I do that – let’s look at the pronunciation of the months of the year. I know you did this at school but I’m often surprised at how people still pronounce the months wrong. So just repeat the months of the year with me and think about how you’re saying them. Think about vowel sounds, the number of syllables and which syllable is stressed.

Let’s go. January – February – March – April – May – June – July – August – September – October – November – December

Also, let’s consider the way we say dates in the UK.

Day first and then month.

When we write we just add the number then the month. We add the little ‘th’ ‘rd’ or ‘st’ as well next to the number, but you don’t always have to. So we write 21 December or 21st December.

But when you say a date you have to remember to add the before the number, the ordinal – 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th etc and also of.

So it’s the 21st of December.

What’s the date today?

It’s the 21st of December.

In America they don’t know what they’re doing, so they put the month first.

Just joking, it’s fine. For the Americans they start with the month and don’t always include of.

“It’s December 21st” for example.

“What’s the date Mom? It’s December 21st, honey.”

Tell me these dates.

What date is Christmas Eve?

What date is Christmas Day?

What date is New Year’s Eve?

What date is New Year’s Day?

What date is Valentine’s Day?

What date is St Patrick’s Day? (17 March)

What date is your birthday?

What date is the summer solstice?

What date is Halloween?

What date is it today?

Festivals Throughout the Year

The following information is based on an article by the British Council, although I have paraphrased quite a lot and added quite a lot of stuff. Click here to read the full article where you can read more about each festival www.educationuk.org/global/articles/festivals-and-holidays/#january

Here’s a list of the festivals and celebrations throughout the year in the UK. This list includes traditional events, sporting events and I’ve also included some major music festivals in the UK – and if you spend some time in the UK I really recommend that you go to a music festival, they’re usually a lot of fun as long as it doesn’t rain!

January

1st – New Year’s Day. On New Year’s Eve (31 December), it is traditional to celebrate midnight with your friends or family and to sing ‘Auld lang syne’, a folk song with words by the Scottish poet Robert Burns, although to be honest I have never ever sung that song in my life! The party can last well into New Year’s Day! Many people make ‘New Year’s resolutions’, promising to achieve a goal or break a bad habit in the coming year. For me, New Year’s Eve is about these things: struggling to plan something to do, going to a house party and getting drunk, going out to a club or something and then having a nightmare getting home (no taxis), freezing cold outside, staying in and drinking wine, watching Jools Holland on the TV, not really wanting to do anything because you’ve already spent the week drinking and eating too much anyway.

In Scotland, the celebration of the new year is called Hogmanay. There are big parties across the country – expect lots of music, dancing, food and fireworks – but Edinburgh hosts some of the biggest.

25th – Burns’ Night (Scotland). This is the birthday of Robert Burns – who is basically the national poet of Scotland. Many Scottish people hold a special supper (dinner) on Burns’ Night, with toasts and readings of his poetry. Men might wear kilts, there may be bagpipe music, and people will almost certainly eat haggis (the traditional Scottish dish of sheeps’ heart, liver and lungs) with neeps (turnips) and tatties (potatoes). Sounds disgusting? It’s actually pretty tasty. I’ve never been to a Burns Night celebration because I’m English and it’s not our thing, but I bet it’s a lot of fun.

28th – Chinese New Year. Outside Asia, the world’s biggest celebration of Chinese New Year is in London – each year there is a parade through Chinatown in the West End, with free performances of music, dance and acrobatics, a feast of food and fireworks. There are many more events around the UK, so find out what’s on in your area – cities including Manchester, Nottingham, Liverpool and Birmingham usually host colourful street parties.

February

28th – Shrove Tuesday or ‘Pancake Day’. Lent is the traditional Christian period of fasting, which lasts for 40 days. Shrove Tuesday is the day before Lent, when households would traditionally use up their eggs, milk and sugar by making pancakes. Nowadays, even if they are not religious, many people still make and eat pancakes on this day.

Some towns in the UK also hold ‘pancake races’, where contestants toss pancakes in a frying pan while running for the finish line. One of the most famous is in Olney, Buckinghamshire, where it’s believed the first Pancake Day race took place in 1445.

I’ve never been to a pancake race. For me pancake day is all about making your own pancakes, probably ruining the first one because you have to burn one before the pan is ready. My favourite pancakes are just covered in nutella. Far too much nutella.

14th – Valentine’s Day. Historically this was the date of the Feast of St Valentine, nowadays this is a celebration of romance. Many people in the UK go out for dinner with their boyfriends or girlfriends, and give them a Valentine’s card, chocolate or flowers. If you’re single, you might receive an anonymous card from a ‘secret admirer’! For single people, Valentine’s Day can be a bit of a nightmare because you see all these smug couples getting together and going on dates. It can make you feel a bit lonely, or you might just reject it completely and do something totally at odds with the day. But couples can also have a slightly difficult time on Valentine’s Day – usually there’s pressure on the man to come up with some special romantic plan, and generally there is a feeling that Valentine’s Day is a sort of manufactured event by companies and marketing people. It’s actually quite unromantic, and some people just shun it completely, but in my experience if your girlfriend or wife says “Oh you don’t need to do anything for Valentine’s Day” then you definitely DO need to do something. Don’t be fooled by what she says. That also includes birthdays and anniversaries.

March

1st – St David’s Day (Wales). St David is the patron saint of Wales, and March 1 is a celebration of Welsh culture. People in Wales might wear a daffodil and eat a soup of seasonal vegetables and lamb or bacon. I’ve never eaten that in my life and to be honest I’d never ever heard of it, because I’m English. Events are held across Wales, including a large parade in Cardiff. As an English guy I’ve never been part of St David’s Day celebrations. All I remember is some people wearing daffodils at school when I was a kid.

17th – St Patrick’s Day (Northern Ireland). The Feast of St Patrick is a national holiday in Ireland, and is now celebrated by Irish communities all around the world. In the UK, there are St Patrick’s Day events in cities including Birmingham, Nottingham, Manchester and London, as well as Belfast. Many people go out with friends, wearing green or a shamrock symbol (the lucky clover) and drinking Guinness, the Irish dark beer. The tradition is to get completely pissed and wear a massive hat shaped like a Guinness glass or shamrock or some weird combination of the two – a shamrock beer glass hat thing that won’t protect your head against a hangover or any other form of brain damage that you might suffer on this evening as a result of alcohol poisoning, accidents, violence, or all three if it’s a really good night.

26th – Mother’s Day (or Mothering Sunday). Mother’s Day is a day to celebrate motherhood, and to thank mothers for everything they do throughout the year. Many people give their mothers a card or gift, treat them to a day out or cook a meal. I usually send a big bunch of flowers to my Mum and try to make her feel special. It’s the least I can do.

April

1st – April Fools’ Day. For one day of the year, it is acceptable – even encouraged – to play tricks, pranks and practical jokes. Even newspapers, TV and radio shows often feature fake stories on April 1. It’s customary to reveal the joke by saying ‘April fool!’ (the person who falls for the joke is the ‘fool’), and you’re supposed to stop playing tricks at midday. Some famous April fool jokes include ones done by the BBC – like in 1957 when a respected news programme called Panorama broadcasted a report about how spaghetti was harvested from trees in Switzerland.

It showed people climbing ladders to pick spaghetti that was hanging from the trees and collect it in baskets. Needless to say, many Brits were fooled by it.

Other tricks are things like, telling your students they have an emergency test that day, or just changing all the clocks in your house so everyone things they’re late. That kind of thing. It’s all harmless fun, until someone has a terrible accident or someone gets very upset and there’s a huge argument resulting in the end of a relationship or someone getting fired from their job. Just harmless fun.

Here’s that 1957 BBC April Fool’s Joke – check out the old-school heightened RP accent!

14th–17th – Easter weekend. Easter is a Christian holiday celebrating the resurrection of Jesus Christ. The date depends on the next full moon after the Vernal equinox (the first day of spring), so the dates change each year. It is always on a Sunday in March or April (called Easter Sunday), and the previous Friday (Good Friday) and following Monday (Easter Monday) are bank holidays. People celebrate Easter in different ways, but many give each other chocolate eggs and eat ‘hot cross buns’ (sweet buns with a cross design), while children decorate eggs or take part in Easter egg hunts. To listen to an episode I’ve already done about this, click here teacherluke.co.uk/2009/04/14/episode-2-easter/

23rd – St George’s Day (England). The legend is that St George was a soldier who killed a dragon to rescue a princess in the middle east somewhere. He is now the patron saint of England, and this is England’s national day. Yes, I don’t understand it either really. You might still see St George’s Cross (a red cross on a white background, England’s national flag) or events with morris dancing (an English folk dance), but it is not a bank holiday and most people don’t hold special celebrations. That’s right – we just don’t really care about St George’s Day. In fact, this is quite interesting as you’ll see that English people are quietly a bit modest about their country. We don’t celebrate the national day, we have some negative associations with our flag (although I’m sure plenty of people would disagree with me – I think it’s true), and we’d rather be patriotic about the UK than about England. Honestly, this is because England has done some pretty naughty things in the past like colonising other countries, going on crusades, smashing up towns after football games, invading our neighbouring countries and tying them into a union with us, then dominating that union with our values – unfortunately these are the values that many people associate with the English flag, and we don’t really know how to celebrate our saint’s day. I think, with Scottish Independence, there are moves to reclaim Englishness from the nationalists, and redefine it, but I feel like whenever someone proudly claims they are English and waves the English flag – it just smells of right-wing nationalism, hooliganism, skinheads, violence and stuff like that. Pity really because there shouldn’t be anything wrong with being English any more, especially if Scotland is given its independence. Also, I guess it is hard for many English people to feel a connection to Saint George considering the story is about a guy who probably wasn’t English anyway – it turns out he was actually born in Turkey and became a Roman soldier – and that confuses us. Still, it is about a knight who killed a dragon which sounds pretty cool.

Here’s a version of the story from a website called “Project Britain” which sounds like it was created by a Brexiteer – but then again my podcast is called “Luke’s English Podcast” which could also sound like a nationalistic right-wing podcast run by the English Defence League or something. You’re listening to Luke’s English Podcast and we want England to be back English again! No thanks.

Anyway, here’s a version of the Saint George & The Dragon Story – I have no idea who wrote it or to what extent it is fact checked or even based on anything that actually happened. In fact it reads like pretty much every other fairy tale story of a knight defeating a dragon to rescue a princess. projectbritain.com/stgeorge2.html  

410. Teaching 12 Idioms in the Street / On the Set of Paul’s TV Show (with Amber)

Amber & I teach you 12 idiomatic English phrases while attending the filming of an episode of Paul’s TV show on the street in Paris. See below for videos and photos, and a list of the idioms with definitions.

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Introduction

In the last couple of episodes do you remember what happened? Do you remember what our plans were? Yes, Amber & I talked about Christmas and all that. But also, you might remember that we were planning to go and visit Paul on the set of his TV show and record a podcast while we were doing it, and that’s what we did last Thursday afternoon. We went to the 7th Arrondissement – a rather posh district on the left bank of the river Seine. We saw the film crew, a few scenes being filmed and Amber & I even appeared in one of those scenes as extras in the background. When the video is released you’ll be able to see us, briefly! It will be the one about French cinema, when that is released. By the way Paul’s TV show is broadcast on Saturday evenings on French TV station Canal+ and then released onto YouTube the following week. His YouTube channel is called “What the Fuck, France?”

Unfortunately they weren’t filming in the English pub as expected because they did that in the morning – so no beer or crisps or warmth or beer. Instead we joined them while they were filming in the street outside a little church. So, a street, a church and no warmth or beer.

Despite the harsh conditions and lack of beer I brought my recording equipment and we did a podcast while standing around with the film crew there, and all the local Parisian people in the street going about their lives, walking past us and even talking to us at certain moments.

You’re going to hear descriptions of what was happening during the recording, and some general chat with Amber. There were also a couple of moments where Paul stopped shooting and came over to join us, with a few other people too in some cases, including Robert Hoehn who you might remember from the “Have you ever…?” episode recently.

As well as the conversation and descriptions, there’s some English teaching in this episode because while standing there on the street I realised I had 12 idioms in my pocket, written on little bits of paper. Of course I did because as an English teacher that’s the kind of thing I have in my pocket – a bunch of idioms in pieces of paper. It pays to always be prepared as an English teacher! I sometimes have teaching materials in my pocket or up my sleeve! I actually had the idioms on me for another podcast episode that I’d planned ages ago but didn’t do – but the idioms came in handy this time and provided us with some teaching content for you.

All of the idioms you’re going to hear were taken from the Oxford Idioms Dictionary and I chose them quite carefully because I think they’re all expressions which are commonly used today.

You can find the list of those idioms on the page for this episode. I wonder if you know them all. You might know some, but do you know them all, and do you use them?

Now, I could list them all for you here in the introduction in advance, and even teach them to you in advance, but I’m not going to do that because I want to encourage you to notice them for yourselves. That’s a good skill to develop if you can. You should always be on the lookout for bits of language which you can identify and eventually make part of your active vocabulary. So, listen carefully to notice the idioms, and then keep listening because in the second part of the lesson Amber & I explain all the idioms for you.

So, that’s what you’re going to get – a podcast recorded in the street in Paris, with all the sound effects of what was happening around us, a couple of guest appearances, and then 12 common English idioms taught by Amber and me!

So, I hope you are feeling comfortable and that you’re cosy and warm – because it was bitterly cold on the streets of Paris when we recorded this! I recommend listening to this one when you are indoors, with the heating turned on and a hot drink nearby, or if you are outside make sure you’re wearing a pair of thick woolen mittens or gloves and a warm hat – unless of course you’re in a hot place like Australia or something, in which case you can just bask in the hot weather and try to avoid being bitten by a snake or spider or something. If you’re in Brazil then go to the beach or something like that and get ready for that big party you’re going to have on Christmas Eve.

Anyway, now let’s go back in time to last Thursday afternoon on the very chilly streets of the 7th Arrondissement of Paris with a film crew and rich old Parisian ladies walking around, and let’s begin the episode, and remember – can you spot the 12 idioms, do you know them and can you use them? Here we go.

The 12 Idioms

  1. To cost an arm and a leg = to be expensive (those cameras must have cost an arm and a leg)
  2. As a rule of thumb = as a general rule
  3. To flog a dead horse = to be futile
  4. To get back to the drawing board = to start again
  5. To be over the moon = to be delighted
  6. To hit the nail on the head = to say something which is totally accurate
  7. To drive someone up the wall = to drive someone mad / to make someone very annoyed
  8. To find your feet = to establish yourself
  9. Break a leg! = good luck! (for performers)
  10. Hold your horses! = hold on! Wait! Slow down!
  11. To go the extra mile = make an extra effort
  12. The ball is in your court = it’s your turn to make a decision

Also

  • To get fired / to be let go
  • A housewarming party
  • To see red
  • To have your cake and eat it too

Over to you!
What is your version of the idiom “You can’t have your cake and eat it too”?

Photos & Videos

Introduction

On the street

From left to right: Rob, Amber, Luke, Josephine (costume lady), Paul

From left to right: Rob, Amber, Luke, Josephine (costume lady), Paul

 

with Josephine (costume lady), Vlad (Director of Photography) & Robert Hoehn

Outro (with mistakes & no edits!)

Other stuff

Message from a Chinese LEPster about “Pudong” near China

I’d like to just clarify something that was said on the podcast in episode 408 when Paul and I made some silly jokes about the word “Pudong” and we talked about Pudong area near Shanghai in China. Paul brought it up when we were talking about pudding and none of us were too sure about the name Pudong and what it really means. I got a message which clarifies that.

Here’s the message from Sylvia from China. I was a bit worried that she was offended by our crappy jokes (particularly mine), but she assures me that she’s not offended and that she still loves us, so that’s alright. In any case I wanted to read this out because it’s got proper information about Pudong. If you remember, Paul said that he wasn’t sure exactly what the name meant and that one of our listeners could clear it up. Well, here is that clarification.

Dear Luke,

I want to make several things clear here in episode 408, in which Paul talked about Pudong in Shanghai. I live in Shanghai now, and the content of the conversation made me a bit uncomfortable.

1. It’s not ‘Pudong River’, it’s called ‘Huangpu River’.
2. It is ‘Pu’, not ‘Poo’.
3. ‘dong’ in Chinese means ‘east’, Chinese character ‘东’.
4. ‘Pudong’ is an area, which is on the east bank of the Huangpu River.
Pudong is situated on the east coast of the Huangpu River of Shanghai, and sits at the intersection of China’s coastal belt for international trade and the Yangtze River estuary. It is backed up by the Yangtze River Delta urban megalopolis and faces the boundless Pacific.

Pudong New Area (“Pudong” or the “New Area”), in eastern Shanghai, is named because it is located to the east of the Huangpu River.

screen-shot-2016-12-20-at-16-10-08

Now Pudong New Area has become the economic, financial, trade and shipping center regionally and internationally. In 20 short years, a dramatic change has taken place in Pudong, changing from farmlands into high buildings and from out-of-the-way villages into a prosperous urban area. Pudong has become the “Pearl of the Orient” with world attention, acclaimed as the “epitome of Shanghai’s modernization” and the “symbol of China’s reform and opening up”.

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Cruising on the Huangpu River, you can see many European style buildings on the western bank, because Shanghai used to be a foreign concession before 1949. At that time, Shanghai was known as the ‘paradise of foreign adventures’. Many foreigners, mostly Europeans, came to try their luck here. That’s why you can see buildings of different architectural styles here, Spanish, Greek, Roman and Russian. While on the other bank, skyscrapers in the Pudong New Area rear high into the sky, which were all built by Chinese people after 1990.

Luke, welcome to China, welcome to Shanghai, welcome to Pudong. And I hope when Paul comes to your place again, you can show him this, and let him make it clear.

Merry Christmas! Happy New Year!

Luke
I’m sorry this made you uncomfortable. No offence intended – I was just making a joke, and failing (as usual). I appreciate the information about Shanghai – would you mind if I read out your message on the podcast?

Sylvia
hello Luke
I knew it was a joke, that’s okay. It’s just that Pudong New Area has alway been a prosperous Area in my mind, but from now on everytime i think of it or come to there it will remind me of those jokes you made…Haha…
It would be great if you could read it on the podcast. Because i don’t want Paul to mislead people around the world thinking that China has a ‘poo dong river’. You can say my name, that’s okay.
And I know Amber And Paul didn’t mean any offence.
Always love you!
Sylvia

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Don’t forget to check out Spoken. 2 free lessons and then 20% off! English lessons for Professionals on WhatsApp, sent straight to your phone by an English teacher. www.getspoken.com/lep

398. US Election Result Ramble + Message + Song

In this episode I want to talk about two things: My first impressions of the US Presidential election result, and then some things I said in the last episode of this podcast. I just want to clear up some comments I made last time. I just want to get straight into it. So here we go.

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It’s a mad mad mad mad world!

Everything will be alright, in the end. And if it’s not alright, it’s not the end.

(I have to thank Mark Kermode for that one)

Bloody hell! Donald Trump got elected!

Oh my god, can you believe it? You’d better believe it because it’s true. More on that in a minute.

I just want to record this episode and get it out there to you quickly without spending time on pre-production and all that stuff so it might be a bit rambly and a bit sketchy.

The main reason I’m recording this is that I have a couple of things I want to get off my chest in response to the previous episode of this podcast. Just some things on my mind that I want to communicate to you, and that’s the main reason I’m recording this quickly now on Tuesday 9 November.

But also, of course the big news of the day is the US presidential election – and that’s what’s going on, certainly in my world – probably in your world too – it’s all about the election because the result came in just a few hours ago that Trump has been elected president.

Let me say that again – Donald Trump is the 45th President of the USA.

So, I have got to talk about that a bit at the top of the episode here.

I hope you don’t press stop ❤️

Please do stick around for the whole episode. I do hope you listen to it all because I have some sincere things to say to you. Yes, don’t press stop! Please do listen! Please feel completely welcome at all times while listening to this! I hope you don’t press stop! In the last episode I know that I said some dismissive and glib things like “you can stop listening if you don’t like it” – sorry, I hope you didn’t feel that was dismissive and unfriendly sounding. I was just feeling a bit… ‘hangry’ or frustrated. Of course I always want you to listen and I am extremely happy when people do listen. I’ll talk more about that stuff later. I’ve got some things to say to you my audience – so I hope you do stick around for that.

But first – Donald Trump

Yes, the joke going round is that the UK is no longer the most stupid nation on earth. After Brexit we had the title for about 5 months and now it’s gone back to the USA, back to normal. Back to that good old feeling that we had when they elected George Bush twice in a row. Ah… That is the joke that people are making…

Except this time it seems worse somehow – at least it seems more shocking, I don’t know – what do you think? Are you shocked, glad? A lot of feelings will be flying around today I expect, especially if you care about this subject at all.

That Brexit feeling is back again.

It’s a strange feeling.

A huge event has happened. It’s a historic moment.

What a year it has been.

I’ve tried to capture how it feels.

How did Trump win?

An interesting article from TheWeek.co.uk: www.theweek.co.uk/theweekday/story/78497

398

387. LEP Anecdote Competition Entries – Please Listen & Vote

Voting is now open in the first round of the LEP Anecdote Competition. You can listen to all the anecdotes on the page for this episode and vote for your favourites using a simple poll. I’ll give you the full details and instructions in this episode. I’m also going to talk about the results of the podcast survey I did recently and a couple of other things, including the top countries for LEP this week.

[DOWNLOAD]

To find the page, go to teacherluke.co.uk and there should be a link on the right hand side of the page. Please do visit, have a listen and vote.

Listen to the anecdotes using this playlist. Scroll down the page to find the poll.

You can listen to the anecdotes on your phone like a podcast

Here’s the RSS feed for the anecdote competition audioboom.com/users/1917559/boos.rss

To listen to the anecdotes like a podcast on your phone just copy the RSS link above and paste it into the search function on your podcasting software, then subscribe.


There are quite a few entries there. I know that’s rather a lot to for you (and me) to listen to. I hope do you listen to them all! You probably can’t listen to them all in one sitting, so I suggest you visit a few times. In any case, regardless of the number of listens and votes each anecdote receives, I will also have a deciding influence on who gets through to the next round. The number of votes is the most important factor, but as a judge of the competition I also will give kudos points to certain entries if I think it’s necessary. In the end, we’ll whittle down the 56 entries to just 10 entries for the next round.

How do you find the page for this episode?

If you’ve subscribed to the mailing list, an email should automatically arrive in your inbox later today. It might already be there. Just click the link and bob’s your uncle. It works best on a computer. The mobile theme of my website doesn’t work very well I’m afraid.

You can vote for as many anecdotes as you like. Repeat votes are allowed but you can’t vote for yourself more than once.

Voting will close in about 3 weeks, on the 21st October.

Then the votes will be counted and the top 10 anecdotes will go through to round 2.

Round 2 will be an episode of the podcast. I’ll play the top 10 anecdotes and then there will be another round of voting.

The winner will either win some LEP merchandise or will be briefly interviewed by me on the podcast. I might ask some more questions about the story, or ask questions any listeners have sent in.

That’s it!

So, check out the page for this episode, have a listen and vote for your favourites.

You are now judges and it’s completely up to you to choose your judging criteria. You could think about the English being used, the structure of the anecdote, whether the person followed all my rules, whether the person followed my advice or if they did it in a more original way, or perhaps most importantly: How much did you enjoy listening to it. That’s probably the best way of judging it.

All the recordings are displayed in a playlist on my site and the voting poll is available there too.

Survey results

Catherine Bear
Luke, do the survey results meet your expectations? Or are you surprised at some points?
I hope that folks have answered just once (from one device) — so that you could get an accurate picture. But maybe you don’t mind.
Thanks,
Cat

Results of the survey
They show that listeners prefer these types:
When I talk about a subject at length, e.g. culture, history, topics which I know about
When I teach vocabulary
When I interview someone
When I teach grammar
Everything else gets around the same number of votes.
At the bottom of the list there are these ones: improvised stories (e.g. the Pink Gorilla story – what a pity), responding to messages from listeners, listener competitions!

Well, sorry to disappoint you but 1. I enjoy doing the improvised stories and I’ll keep doing them! 2. We’re in the middle of a listener competition!

I understand why listener competitions are not at the top of the list – you want to hear me or other native speakers speaking English. But I have my own reasons for doing these competitions and I’ll still do them from time to time.

The results are a little bit misleading when you look at them like a bar chart. It appears that some of the bars in the chart are quite short and therefore not very popular. But if you look at the results like a pie chart it’s quite clear that the preferences of the audience are very evenly spread out.

Each slice of the pie is actually quite similar in size. Everyone seems to have different preferences. It’s not like one single episode type is vastly more popular than all the others. It just goes to show that you can’t please all the people all the time and it would be unwise for me to try to do that.

In the end it’s my podcast and I’ll do whatever I want and whatever I think is right based on my judgement and experience. But it’s good to get some feedback and I will aim to produce more of the kinds of episodes that everyone seems to like, while also satisfying my own inspiration.

Like, sometimes I just fancy doing something totally different and unusual, based on what is appealing to me at any given moment. Sometimes it’s English language related and sometimes it’s topic related, and I think that’s what keeps me interested in the project as a whole, that I can do exactly whatever I want, unlike in a classroom situation, and I reckon that is what makes the podcast a bit original or at least unexpected sometimes. Imagine for example if I just stuck to a sort of conservative selection of generic topics with no surprises. It would be boring if it was always the same thing again and again so I will mix it up a bit, and I will continue to experiment with episodes, like improvised stories if I feel like it.

In the end I think it’s about creating something authentic and hopefully enjoyable to listen to, whatever form that takes and whatever subject I’m talking about.

Click here to take the survey if you haven’t already done it.

LISTENING STATS – WHERE ARE THE LEPSTERS?

TOP 20 COUNTRIES THIS WEEK

CHINA – 你好 (ni how!)

RUSSIA – Здравствуйте (zdrazdoitchyeah!)

JAPAN – こんにちは! (kon-ni-chi-wa!) genki desuka?

UNITED KINGDOM – Alright

SPAIN – Hola!

SOUTH KOREA – 여보세요 (yey-buss-say-oh!)

POLAND – cześć (chesht!) hey!

ITALY – Ciao!

UKRAINE – Здравствуйте (zdrazdoitchyeah!) (sorry, I don’t know it in Ukranian)

GERMANY – Hallo!

UNITED STATES – What’s up guys? How y’all doing? Hi there you guys!

BRAZIL – Olá (oh laa!)

AUSTRALIA – G’day!

SWITZERLAND – Hallo! or Salut!

FRANCE – Salut!

TURKEY – Merhaba (mare haba)

TAIWAN – 你好 (ni how!)

VIETNAM – chào bạn (ciao ban!)

THAILAND – สวัสดี (sa bai dee kup!)

MEXICO – Hola!

Transcript collaboration team

Comedy shows in Paris

Like my FB page to get updates, or check “Comedy Shows” on my website.

Meeting of Japanese LEPsters in Tokyo

 

Name: Hideki Kanazawa

Message: Hello Luke, how are you?

As I said before, we had the very first meeting today!
Five people came and we talked about how your podcast is amazing.
We also shared a lot information mainly about English.

It was really fun and amazing.
We are going to hold another meeting soon.

We also took photos.

Thank you again for supporting my idea, I really appreciate it.
Cheers.

screen-shot-2016-10-07-at-17-49-13

Only 5 people – but it’s quality not quantity! Nice one for getting together, it looks like you had a good time.

I’m hoping to come to Japan in April. This is a place that my wife and I have wanted to visit for ages. I used to live there so I want to revisit and show her everything, and she’s just slightly obsessed with all things Japanese. Perhaps I can arrange a gig or an event of some kind if we manage to save money to come. We’ll see.

As for my other plans for doing events in other places, that idea is on hold at the moment because I’m working on another project which I’ve been putting off for ages – a business English online course. That’s my priority and I’ve got to finish that before starting other things.

Luke from Luke's English Podcast - don't vote for me, I already have an LEP mug ;)

Please take my survey / Anecdote Competition / ‘Russian Joke’ Video

This is just a ‘quick’ message from me to you about a podcast survey on the website, a reminder of the anecdote competition, a new video I’ve made about the Russian joke and some more rambling about things like The Beatles and conspiracy theories. The next ‘proper’ episode will be uploaded in a few days.

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Please take my survey

I’ve had this survey on my website for about a year but I am sure there are lots of people who haven’t taken it. So please visit the page and take the survey. It’ll take just one minute and will help me to understand what kind of episodes you like to hear on the podcast.

Anecdote Competition

I’ve already had about 20 entries. Where’s everybody else? I expect a lot of you are a bit put off by the prospect of being on the podcast, or you can’t think of something. Well, let me remind you of these things: It’s an anecdote party, right? So, bring some cake to the party! Don’t come empty handed! Have a little think about something that’s happened to you and record it! If you want inspiration, just go back to episode 379. If you’re planning to send me something but haven’t done it yet, hurry up because you’re running out of time.

Russian Joke Video

Other thoughts

More Ian Moore

The number of white men on the podcast

Mouse news

Podcast feedback – what do you like? What do you want more of? What do you want less of?

New Beatles documentary

Conspiracy Theories
hello

380. Catching Up with Amber and Paul #3

In this episode the PODPALS Amber and Paul are back and we’re going to have the normal catching up session in which they talk about what they have been up to recently. As usual we sit on the terrace and get interrupted by insects, the sun, neighbours on their balconies around us (including a naked man eating his lunch) and the inevitable references to a certain Russian joke that always comes up in our conversations.

[DOWNLOAD]
Small Donate ButtonYou should know that there is quite a lot of swearing and rude content in this episode, so be warned if you’re playing this in public or something. I have swearing on this podcast because I am trying to present you with real English – the kind of English I would normally speak with my friends, and the sort of English that isn’t necessarily taught to you in language classrooms. That’s the benefit of podcasting and that’s why the swearing stays in the podcast.

You’ll find a lot of my notes and questions written on the page on the website. Join the mailing list to get a direct link in your inbox every time I upload an episode.

Now, let’s enter the conversation on the terrace. At first Amber and I remind Paul of the last time he was on the podcast, which was in an episode called Would you rather? In that one we asked each other ridiculous questions and talked about things like having accordions for legs. If that sounds a bit strange, check out that episode and it should make a bit more sense.

354. Would You Rather…? (with Amber, Paul & James Simpson)

Then we all catch up with each other and talk about holidays in August, Amber’s son Hugo who is potty training and Paul’s new TV show which is currently showing on French television. Listen for more anecdotes and spontaneous speaking between friends.

And here we go…

*Conversation starts*

Questions

Can you describe the scene?

What have you been up to since you were last on the podcast?

 Amber

  • Did you go away anywhere? Where did you go?
  • How is little Hugo?
  • Are you planning any shows for the coming year?
  • When are you going to start your own podcast for goodness sake?

Paul

  • Did you go away anywhere?
  • How was Louis CK?
  • What about your TV show?
  • You stopped doing the French podcast, but the English one is still going (and that was my plan for my French – to listen to you in French)

pod-pal

377. Holiday in Thailand (Part 1)

This episode contains stories and descriptions of my recent holiday in Thailand. You’ll hear some facts about Thailand, some descriptions of Bangkok and a few stories about funny experiences that happened while we were there. Part 2 is coming soon. More details and transcriptions below. Enjoy!

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Transcript

Hello everybody, I’m back from my holiday so here is a brand new episode for you to listen to. If you’re new to Luke’s English Podcast, then “hello” and welcome to the show. I have no idea how you found the podcast. It was probably on the internet, that’s how it normally happens. I doubt that you actually tripped over it in the street or anything. Oops ,what’s that – oh, it’s Luke’s English Podcast. I might as well have a look. You probably found it online, perhaps through iTunes or a friend recommended it to you perhaps. In any case, regardless of how you found me, welcome. My name’s Luke – and this is my podcast. It’s primarily for learners of English although I also have native English speakers listening to this too. In these episodes I talk to you in a personal way, telling stories, sharing some things about my life, discussing different topics, teaching you English and giving you the motivation to improve your English for yourself. I try to keep the podcast varied and I’m willing to talk about pretty much anything at all as long as it’s interesting. I’m an English teacher from the UK. I speak British English – with a standard accent from the South East of England. I’ve been teaching for more than 15 years so I have lots of experience to draw from. I’m also a stand-up comedian which means that when I’m not teaching English or doing the podcast I like to stand up in front of audiences of people and make them laugh with jokes and stories and things. I regularly perform comedy shows in Paris.

One of the principles which underpins what I do in episodes of this podcast is the understanding that simply listening to natural, spontaneous speech is a vital part of the process of learning English to a good standard. Obviously, you have to get an understanding of the grammar rules, develop an extensive set of active vocabulary, practise pronouncing the language and so on, but doing plenty of listening is an essential foundation. I usually recommend that LEP is best enjoyed as part of a balanced study program. For example I suggest that you also do plenty of speaking in order to activate the English that you passively pick up from these episodes. There are lots of ways to improve your English and you can just listen to previous episodes of the podcast to get my advice on that. At the very least, you can just relax and enjoy listening to my words on a regular basis, and I hope that it’s a fun process too. Certainly, I am sure that my podcast can really help all the other aspects of your English, not just your listening. I also believe it’s important to listen to English which is spoken at a pretty natural speed, which is spontaneous (i.e. not just written from a script) and I think you should listen regularly for fairly long periods, long term. Make it a part of your lifestyle to listen regularly and don’t give up.

I want my podcast to help you to do exactly those things, and so I try to make my episodes genuine, personal and humorous. So, if you’re new to the podcast – welcome and thanks for listening. I hope you stick with it. I believe that if you do continue to listen, you’ll see significant results in your English. Check out the episode archive on my website teacherluke.co.uk and you’ll see that you have plenty of other episodes to explore and enjoy.

If you’re not new to the podcast, and you are in fact a long term LEPster then welcome back! How are you? I hope you’re well. Did you have a good August? Have you listened to all the episodes I published before I went away? I hope so.

In any case, here is a new episode of this podcast and it is about my recent holiday in Thailand.

Holiday in Thailand

Yes, we went to Thailand this year and I’m going to tell you about it in this episode. In fact, in this one I’ll talk about these things:

  1. Why we went to Thailand
  2. Where we went in Thailand
  3. The things most people know about Thailand
  4. Some things you might not know about Thailand
  5. A few anecdotes about what we did and saw during the holiday
  6. A few dodgy jokes!
  7. An embarrassing story involving nudity
  8. A sad old memory that came back to me at a specific moment in the trip
  9. A mouse-related update (if you heard the last episode of the podcast, this will make sense to you)

We got back just the other day. I’m still a bit jet-lagged. I woke up at stupid o’clock this morning. My body is still on Thailand time, so at about 5AM my body woke up saying “hey it’s time to get up and go walking around temples in very hot temperatures! We’re on holiday come on!” No doubt I will randomly fall asleep this afternoon when my body decides that it’s bedtime. I have a sun tan – correction, I had a tan, until the flight back. As a very white English man, I have a slightly tricky relationship with sun tans. At the moment I am sporting the typical English man’s tan.

I have no idea how long this episode will be but I can just split it up into different chapters and it’s all good.

You will find some of this episode transcribed on the episode page on my website. Not all of it is transcribed, but a lot of it is, and you can read my notes too, which might be a good way to check out the spelling of any words you hear me use. They might be written on the page. By the way, if you’re just reading this – I strongly recommend that you listen instead of reading. Remember, anything that is written here is supposed to just accompany what I’m saying in the audio recording.

Why did we choose Thailand?

– My wife and I wanted to go somewhere exotic and far away (we want to explore places which are a bit further before we have kids)
– A break and a chance to get away from it all
– Never been before
– We like food !
– It’s quite diverse in terms of the things you can do – city, culture, beaches
– It’s not too expensive

Why didn’t you do an LEP Live event?

It was a holiday – so I was not working. That means I didn’t organise some sort of LEPster meet-up, or live podcasting stand up comedy extravaganza. I didn’t meet up with Olly Richards even though I have since learned that he was out there too learning Thai – no, it was all about walking around sweating, visiting temples, sweating, exploring street food markets, sweating, worrying about food poisoning, sweating, going to the beach and sweating there, learning how to cook local food, eating the local food with lots of chilli, sweating, doing yoga and meditating, drinking water and sweating! Just the average holiday abroad for a British person!

Where did you go?

In a nutshell, here’s where we went.

Bangkok for a few days, then up north to Chiang Mai for a few days, then down south to Koh Samui for a few days and then back to Bangkok for a few days and then home! Boom!

That’s the usual tourist route. It’s Bangkok in the middle, temples, treks into the forest, elephants, night markets and cooking classes in the north, then islands, beaches, diving, snorkelling and full moon parties in the south.

We didn’t go to the islands on the west side like Phuket because of the climate in August.

Also, just before we left and even while we were there, there were some explosions – some bombings, which was a bit worrying. We even considered not going, but then we thought – well, we live in Paris and we’ve got as much chance of being blown up there as in Thailand, so what the hell!

In fact our time was very peaceful.

Usual things people think about Thailand

The most typical clichés or stereotypes about Thailand: Busy, crowded, amazing food – specifically green curry and pad thai noodles, weird sex tourism in Bangkok, ladyboys, bizarre sex shows involving ping pong balls, full moon beach parties, buckets full of ridiculously full cocktails, kickboxing, temples, westerners being locked up in prison for drug possession, scooters, Sagat from Street Fighter 2 (Tiger uppercut), snakes, golden buddha statues, amazingly friendly and smiling people and the film “The Beach” starring Leonardo DiCaprio.

That’s partly true (perhaps for the average western tourist) but obviously it’s not the full picture, especially for the locals.  I will go into more detail about what it’s really like in this episode.

Things you might not know about Thailand

1. Full name of Bangkok. It’s the longest city name in the world. “Krungthepmahanakhon Amonrattanakosin Mahintharayutthaya Mahadilokphop Noppharatratchathaniburirom Udomratchaniwetmahasathan Amonphimanawatansathit Sakkathattiyawitsanukamprasit.”

2. Thailand, or “Prathet Thai” means “land of the free”…

3. Thailand has never been colonised by a foreign power, unlike other neighbouring countries which were colonised by European nations like Britain, France and the Netherlands. Thailand had a few wars with Burma, but was never successfully invaded. Well done Thailand.

4. Thailand has more than 1,400 islands. The most famous ones are in the south, and they are beautiful. Probably the most well known is Koh Phi Phi, which is where The Beach was filmed. (By the way, it’s a rubbish film)

5. It’s illegal to leave the house without underwear on. I don’t know how they enforce this law. Are they doing random underpant checks?

6. Thai currency is called the Baht and it’s illegal to step on Thai Baht. Now, you might be thinking – well, I don’t every go around stepping on currency anyway, so that’s not a problem. But the point is that this is because of the high level of respect that the Thai people have for their royal family. Like in the UK, a picture of the monarch appears on every bank note and the image of the monarch cannot be desecrated, in fact it is a crime to disfigure a picture of the king or queen in any way. Thailand is a constitutional monarchy, a bit like the UK, and they hold their king and queen in high esteem. There are lots and lots of images of them all over the country, sometimes you find little shrines in the street devoted to them.

7. The feet are considered to be very unclean (both clinically and spiritually) and so it is very rude to reveal the soles of your feet to anyone. So, don’t sit with your feet facing outwards, or put your feet up on the table like we do in the west sometimes. It’s also rude to point at people with your feet, which is fine because I literally never do that anyway. I’m sure I heard someone do standup about that and I can’t remember who, but it was very funny.

8. Similarly, the head is the highest point on the body and is considered to be sacred, so don’t touch it, slap it, poke it or whatever. In the west you might rub someone on the top of the head as a sign of affection, or whack someone round the back of the head to express annoyance. Don’t do that in Thailand. To be honest, I wasn’t going to do that either. I rarely touch the head of random strangers that I meet in public. I certainly wouldn’t slap the back of the head of someone. E.g. “Waiter, excuse me – we asked for 2 bowls of rice and you gave me one! Can we have another one? Thank you!” SLAP. No.

9. 95% of people are buddhist. It’s quite common to see Buddhist monks walking around. We talked to one of them and I’ll explain what he said later in this episode. Also there are buddha statues everywhere. There are thousands of them. It’s just buddha buddha buddha buddha buddha buddha buddha buddha buddha. Climb to the top of a mountain, there’s a buddha. Inside a cave? Buddha. Under a nice tree? Buddha. Inside this big temple? Buddha. In front of the big buddha statue, lots of other buddhas. In front of them, buddhas. Buddhas everywhere – which is great. They are beautiful, peaceful images and of all the religions I think Buddhism perhaps makes the most sense. Just try to reach a higher level of consciousness. Realise that everything is connected and that there is one universal vibration which passes through the entire universe. Reject selfish and materialistic urges in favour of achieving individual spiritual enlightenment. Fine.

10. It’s a very hot place – especially Bangkok. The hottest time of year is April where temperatures rise to 40 degrees C or more, with high humidity levels too. In August it’s the rainy season but it still gets really hot – it was regularly in the high 30s and with very high levels of humidity. Showers that happen in the evenings are a welcome break from the heat!

Read more about this on ‘the internet’ matadornetwork.com/trips/19-things-probably-didnt-know-thailand/

Bangkok

There are lots of stories about it, like the dodgy ping pong shows, the sex tourism and other weird and lewd things, but of course not everywhere is like that. We avoided the dodgy tourist parts such as Patpong, where there are these weird sex shows. Now, while I am quite curious to learn about the bizarre skills that some women have developed – I mean, some of the things are quite impressive. For example, apparently in these shows, some women are able to launch ping pong balls across the room – and not with their hands if you know what I mean, and some of them can even write letters with a paintbrush or pen, again, not with their hands. THat’s actually quite impressive, but I don’t really need to see it, and apparently the people who run the shows are very dodgy indeed and they lure you in with false prices and then when you try to leave they force you to pay a lot of money and it gets pretty ugly, so no thanks. No ping pong shows for us.

A mix between the chaotic and slightly sketchy places like Vietnam, Cambodia, Laos etc and the more modern JPN, particularly parts of this area where we stayed.

The streets are vibrant, chaotic, noisy, smelly, polluted, full of life. Scooters, cars, crossing the road. Nobody walks! Traffic is incredibly busy. There’s an amazing metro system called the sky train. Tuk tuks, taxis and so on.

Lots of street food, with people cooking all sorts of things on little mobile carts – chicken skewers, lots of seafood, noodles, fruits like mango and some things I didn’t recognise. People eat in the street sitting on little plastic chairs.

Incredible Japanese BBQ. Daimasu.

Massages

Onsen experience

Expectations vs reality.
Naked bald midget.
Only had a tiny towel. Not big enough to go around me.
A bunch of other naked guys, including a group of old men in the corner watching. They broke off their conversation to have a look at me when I walked in.
Only foreigner there.
Not normal in my culture.
I felt really embarrassed. Not because of my size – because I have nothing to be ashamed of in that department. Some might say I’m gifted, I would prefer to say I am average for a guy of my height, but I should add that I have massive hands and feet. Just saying. Anyway, I don’t really need to be ashamed of myself but this was very awkward for me but because I’m not used to being seen, and the natural response is to be self-conscious about your size, even in front of other men. You might think it’s not important what other guys think, but I’d never had to rationalise it before and the fact is, is still matters for some reason.
Size is important, even when it’s other guys. I can’t really explain that.
Of course I shouldn’t be bothered by it at all, but I’m English and it’s just part of our culture. First we don’t ever get naked in a public situation, except perhaps at a sports club but then it’s brief.
Also, for some reason it feels like you’re being judged. I did feel judged. I felt incredibly self co anxious.
Maybe I was being a bit paranoid, maybe not, but people weren’t shy about having a look. The old guys stopped their conversation to take a look at me. Others turned their heads etc.
Nerves = natural body response to protect the Crown Jewels.
Stayed in jet bath.
One by one the guys came over to the adjacent bath and had a look at me. Every time I thought “oh for fucks sake!”
I stayed there for 20 minutes not knowing where to look and absolutely boiling!
Tried to make a break for the next nearest bath but it was the cold one – no way.
Went for the soda bath. High CO2 apparently good for me but I thought I was going to die.
Left and got changed.
An absolute fountain of sweat.
Wife waiting for me, totally dry.

The massage was quite brutal, but ultimately nice.

Holiday = sweating, great discomfort, great comfort and relief, good food, discomfort, sweating, relief, sweating etc.

Rude massage joke

 

Thanks for listening – subscribe to the email list at the top-right of the page. :)

Luke

I’m going on holiday – no podcasts for a while

This is not a full episode of the podcast – I’m just letting you know that I’m going away for a few weeks so there will be no podcasts for a little while. We’re getting away from it all for a few weeks. I probably won’t be online much, perhaps not at all. A couple of places we’re going to don’t have any internet at all. It’s going to be a bit of a digital detox. So, I won’t be uploading episodes for a while, and I won’t be responding to comments and stuff, but I look forward to reading your comments when I get back.

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It might be about 3 possibly even 4 weeks until the next episode of the podcast is uploaded, depending on how busy I am when I get back. This is one of the reasons I’ve uploaded so much stuff lately. I thought – they can just catch up on all the stuff while I’m away. I realise now that the only people to listen to this message are the ones who’ve already listened to all the other episodes. So, the idea that you can catch up on the new output is a bit useless. But you can always delve into the back catalogue and check that all out.

From the archives

Episodes about Travelling
9. Travelling in India teacherluke.wordpress.com/2009/10/19/episode-8-travelling-in-india/
47. Travelling in Vietnam teacherluke.wordpress.com/2011/10/11/travelling-in-vietnam/
118. Sick in Japan teacherluke.wordpress.com/2012/10/17/118-sick-in-japan/
208 & 209. Travelling to Indonesia teacherluke.co.uk/2014/08/29/208-travelling-in-indonesia-part-1/ and teacherluke.co.uk/2014/08/29/209-travelling-in-indonesia-part-2/
288. The California Road Trip (an 8-part series) teacherluke.co.uk/2015/08/26/288-california-road-trip-part-1/

Amber & Paul episodes you might not have heard
158 & 159 A Cup of Tea with Paul Taylor teacherluke.wordpress.com/2013/12/23/158-159-a-cup-of-christmas-tea-with-paul-taylor/
161. She’s Having a Baby (with Amber Minogue) teacherluke.wordpress.com/2014/01/09/161-shes-having-a-baby/

Keep cool in the summer
140. Ghost Stories teacherluke.wordpress.com/2013/07/31/140-ghost-stories/

A little story

Before I go, I have to tell you something that happened today, just because I can’t tell my wife and I have to tell someone so I’m going to tell you…

So, I thought I’d just leave that with you before I go away.

An Anecdote Competition?

As I said, it will be a while before I upload another episode, but I think that when I come back I’m going to launch a new competition and I think this time it will be about anecdotes. So, think about any anecdotes that you have in English that you could send to me. Don’t actually send anything yet, but just start thinking about any little true stories that you have that you could send to me as part of an anecdote competition which I’ll launch later this year. What would be cool is if I could collect a bunch of anecdotes from listeners and then play them all on the podcast and people can vote for their favourites. I wonder what kind of stuff you’ll all come up with. Go back to my recent episode about anecdotes if you want some inspiration.

But for now, that’s it. Have a good summer or winter and I’ll speak to you after a little break.

Bye

Luke
Summer-Holidays

368. The LEP Annual General Meeting 2016 / QUESTIONS

Welcome to the LEP Annual Meeting 2016, which actually doesn’t take place on an annual basis. In this meeting I’m going to deal with various points of admin (including a language point about words like ‘annual’, ‘biannual’, ‘biennial’ etc, Pokemon Go, Transcript Collaboration, LEP Meet-Ups, Comedy shows, music, torrent sites and a comment from a vampire) and I’m going to ask you various questions during the episode. Please give your answers to the questions (any of them) in the comment section below.

[DOWNLOAD]

In this episode I’m holding a Luke’s English Podcast Annual General Meeting – an LEP AGM. It’s called an ‘annual’ meeting but in fact this is an AGM that doesn’t happen on an annual basis! And by the way – on an annual basis means “every year”! In fact the last time I held an AGM was almost exactly 3 years ago on 4 August 2013. So perhaps this should be the “triennial” meeting (not tri-annual because that means three times a year).

Language Point: Time expressions – Annual, Biannual, Biennial, etc

On that note actually, there is a language point to be made here, and that’s expressions of frequency, with words like annual, biannual, weekly, biweekly etc.

Let’s start small and work outwards.

So, there’s ‘on a minute by minute basis’, which means ‘every minute’. E.g. New updates on the story are coming in on a minute by minute basis.

That also works with seconds to be honest.

Then there’s ‘hourly’, or ‘every hour’, ‘once every hour’ and ‘on an hourly basis’. E.g. the website is updated hourly. The website is updated every hour, or once every hour. The website is updated on an hourly basis.

Then, daily, every day, once a day and on a daily basis.

It starts to get more tricky when we get to ‘week’. We have ‘weekly’, ‘every week’ and then ‘on a weekly basis’ and ‘once a week’ – all of which mean that the thing happens one time per week.

But then there’s the word ‘biweekly’. E.g. “At our biweekly meeting’. Now, does that mean that the meeting happens twice in one week or just once every two weeks?

“You can also benefit from our biweekly newsletters.” – so do I get 8 newsletters in a month, or 2 newsletters in a month?

This does cause some confusion with native speakers and occasionally requires some clarification.

Of course the problem is a result of differences between North American English and British English, as is often the case with little differences of usage like this. So, in the USA “biweekly” tends to mean that the thing happens every two weeks, whereas in the UK it means that it happens twice in one week.

So, basically in the UK you get more! It seems we’re either more greedy or more generous than the USA in this particular instance.

Well, in any case the expressions are slightly different. Imagine that you get more in the UK – and so biweekly means twice a week. We also have an expression in British English to mean “once every two weeks” and that is ‘fortnightly’. A ‘fortnight’ is 2 weeks in the UK. So, we have ‘fortnightly’ too. E.g. “The newsletter is published on a fortnightly basis.”

This is all fascinating I know.

Then when we have ‘monthly’, ‘once a month’, ‘on a monthly basis’ and ‘every month’ and they all mean one time a month, so everyone’s happy there – except when you think about rent, and bills and other monthly bad things.

But when we get to two times a month, things get a bit complicated again. So, ‘twice or two times a month’, ‘every two months’ – they’re fine. But bimonthly has the same problem as biweekly, except that the Brits and Americans are both confused about this one. Everyone’s mixed up about it. According to the Oxford Dictionary website, the publishing industry has agreed that it means ‘twice a month’. Everyone else is confused, so it’s best to just use ‘twice a month’ or ‘every two months’.

Still with me? It’s pretty early in an episode to get so bogged down in a language point but here we are.

And we’re not finished yet. Because there’s ‘years’ now.

So, we have ‘annually’, ‘once a year’, ‘every year’ – and they all mean that the thing happens one time in the year. E.g. “This meeting takes place annually”. ‘Annual’ is the adjective form – “The Annual General Meeting”.  But when two are involved it becomes complex of course.

It’s a bit like ‘bimonthly’. So, ‘biannual’ or ‘biannually’ can mean either twice a year or once every two years.

People are confused about this, so it might be safer to say “twice a year” – or just make sure you only do things once on a yearly basis. Just keep your life simple. Become a monk, it’s easier than dealing with the vocabulary sometimes.

IN fact, there is an answer here according to the Wiktionary and it’s that ‘biannual’ means every two years, and the word ‘biennial’ means twice a year. But so many people confuse these words and don’t even realise that ‘biennial’ exists that it’s a bit useless – if you use it you’ll technically be correct, but people will either not know what it means or they’ll think you sound a bit too clever and pedantic. “Ooh, look at him he’s using the word biennial, isn’t he posh and sophisticated and all intelligent!”

Quick time check: Wow, I’ve already done 11 minutes – and I haven’t even got past the title of the episode! How is that even possible? Where does the time go?

SO, where the hell was I? That’s it – This is the Annual General Meeting which  doesn’t actually take place every year. In fact the last time I did this was 3 years ago so this should be the Triennial General Meeting, which does sound quite ridiculous even if it is correct. In fact, since I’m all about the details in this episode, it seems, I should say that I’ve only done this twice now, and two times is not enough to establish a pattern is it. For all we know the next time I do this could be 4 years from now, and then what?? What will I call that? Something that happens every three years in the first two instances and then every four years after that? I suppose we can just call it a Random General Meeting. What the hell, it’s not even a proper meeting who am I kidding, it’s just another episode of this podcast and I’m just dressing it up like it’s a meeting just for fun so all of this is like some weird made-up problem which could easily be solved by me just shutting my mouth and then opening it again in order to talk about something else, which I am going to do now. Like, the weather.

Ah the weather – we’re on safe ground here. Phew, that was close, we nearly got completely lost down a linguistic and mathematical rabbit hole. That was nearly the perfect storm of language and maths. And when language and maths get together you know it’s going to get complex. Well, I’m glad we got through it now and we’re onto the weather. And, talking of perfect storms, it’s looking very grey and overcast here at this moment. It might start raining at any moment, and there might be thunder.

THat’s one hell of a link there folks. Did you see the way I linked from all that stuff about trienniums and biannual meetings into the weather? That’s why this podcast has won 4 Macmillan Dictionary Awards and was nominated for a British Council ELTon. Quality in a cup, that is.

Quality in a Cup

I don’t know why I said “Quality in a cup then”. Nobody ever says “Quality in a cup”. Especially when talking about podcasts because they don’t come in cups do they? No, not unless you put it in a cup ,but I don;t recommend that, especially if the cup is full of water or coffee, because then you’ve probably put your phone in a cup of coffee and that’s a bad idea.

Alright, keep it simple now.

Anyway, in this episode I’m pretending to have a big meeting like I did in episodes 141 and 142, remember them? I’m having a meeting and you’re all invited, and in the meeting I’m going to go through some agenda items to talk about and I have some questions for you which I want you to answer! OK – so I’ll tell you a few things, and then there will be regular questions for you to answer.

Welcome to the Meeting

Welcome to the meeting. I expect you’ve all got an agenda, it was sent to you by email. Did you get the email? You didn’t get the email? You might want to join the mailing list. Let me just give you an overview first. Remember this meeting is also a feedback session. For every item on the agenda in this meeting I have a question for you and I want your answers, people! So get into the comment section and respond to my questions!

Brace yourself – Episodes are coming 
I’m not sure what they’ll be about at this stage. It depends on how much time I get to prepare them, but there will be some episodes coming quite regularly over the next week or two I expect. Then there will be another quiet period when I go away on holiday with my wife.
Have you checked out all the old episodes in the archive? (That’s more of a rhetorical question than a genuine one to be honest.)

Pokemon Go
This is the craze that’s sweeping the globe. I plan to talk about it more fully on the podcast soon, in a dedicated Pokemon episode. In the meantime, I would like to get your thoughts on this phenomenon of global pop culture.

What do you think of Pokemon Go? What are the good and bad things about this game?

Notting Hill Carnival Video Transcript
Recent episode with no number – there’s a full transcript to the Notting Hill Carnival video so if you didn’t understand something – it’s all there, including all the phrasal verbs and their definitions in a list. Damn, I’m good to you!
Do you ever visit my website, and what do you look for when you are there?
(Looking through my fingers) How would you change it?

Transcript Collaboration
Vasile Şi Diana Vaganov – 2 days ago
Hi friends! I would like to share with you some thoughts about transcribing episodes here on LEP. I’m used to listening to a lot of episodes and I think most of you too, and we enjoy the time – learning with our best teacher – Luke!
Some time ago I started transcribing and at first it was really not comfortable, because it was a new thing that I was doing, and it was really challenging.
After I had finished my first chunk, I was really exhausted but at the same time I felt like I had climbed mount Everest!
I said to myself: “I have done it! I managed to do it!”
If you decide to join, you’ll see that there will be a war inside you to do it or give it up. What I have realized is that now I understand Luke better than before.
While transcribing I have to pay attention to each sound, word and expression and it really makes me understand, feel and remember the English Luke is using.
Contact Antonio ptholome@gmail.com (not hotmail! – sorry)

Do you use my transcripts? How do you use them? Do you have a particular method? How valuable are they to you? If you don’t use them at all, please let me know too.

LEP World Tour
Watch this space. I’m still working this out. The concept is that I’d come to your city and put on a live show of some kind – it could be a stand-up comedy show, a live podcast recording or just some kind of meet-up event. I would need it to take place in a place with a bar, a stage, a microphone, a dedicated room for the event (not in the public part of the bar where people will be trying to just have a normal evening) seating, English-language-friendly staff and it should be open for every LEPster to come to, not an exclusive private space. I imagine that the event would take place in the evening and it should be something that everyone can come to. It would be good if we could do bookings. Imagine a poetry reading in a bar – but a bit bigger, and with LEPsters. Thank you very much if you’ve sent me an email promising to help me to do this. I’ve been in touch with a few people about it already and I am trying to work out how I’d do it and if I could cover my costs at the moment.

Have you ever met other LEPsters? How many people do you think I could get together in a space in your local area?

Hideki Kanasawa – wants to meet other LEPsters in Tokyo.
How are you going to connect? I suggest you look in the forum because I’ve added a forum thread about Hideki’s suggestion.

Hello Luke and everyone! How are you doing?
I hope you are fine.

Recently I came up with an idea.
I want to meet LEPsters!

I’m not sure it’s okay but I want to hold a meeting (maybe just drinking) of LEPsters if I can.
And because I live in Tokyo now, I want to hold it in Tokyo.

Is anyone interested in this idea?
If you are, please contact me.
It will be fun.

Thanks.

Are you interested in meeting up with Hideki in Tokyo?

“Sorry, we’re English”

The show has ended for the summer and possibly forever! It was really cool to meet some LEPsters who came to the show. There was always one or two at each show, which is nice considering I’m in Paris and I don’t have many listeners here. Paul’s one-man show is going from strength to strength as he has now moved into a new venue that seats over 100 people and it’s been sold out the last few weeks. He’s also filming episodes of his TV show which will be on French television in the not too distant future. Amber and I have been helping him to write it, which is cool!

I might start my own show in September, and I’ll be thinking about it. Pros and cons.

I’m always trying to build material for my shows and sometimes I improvise some pretty funny things on the podcast. You might remember certain funny moments.

So, what is a funny moment or episode that you remember from my podcast? Tell me a funny bit that you remember? It could become part of my live comedy show.

LEP Tunes done on KORG Kaossilator S2

Do you have any music which you would like me to talk about? I know I mentioned this quite some time ago but I might be able to feature your music in a special LEPster-music themed episode soon, with my bro. If you have some music which you’d like us to talk about on the podcast, send it to me at podcastcomp@gmail.com

People selling my content
This podcast is 100% free and it should be free to everybody. If you had to pay to listen to this from anybody other than me (like, who knows I might one day decide to restrict access to my episodes) but if, while I’m offering this free online, you bought this from someone else – perhaps someone who has burned all my episodes onto DVDs and then sold them to you, then you got ripped off. And if anybody is out there are taking my content, packaging it into DVDs and selling it – then you’re a tosser and that’s not okay.

Torrenting sites – loads of my content goes out on torrents too. I guess nobody profits from that and my content is reaching a bigger audience. The problem with that is that I don’t get any indication of who is listening and where they’re listening. All those listeners are hidden from me completely. I don’t know the volume of torrent downloads – I don’t know who is listening or where they are. It could be a lot. Maybe I’m more popular than I think. I don’t know exactly who is out there listening to me via torrent sites, in the dark, like a ninja. It seems I have a whole silent ninja army hiding in the shadows. I wonder who you are and what you’re thinking! So, if you’re making my stuff available on torrent sites, or downloading from torrent sites – just remember about me as the creator of this content.

Did you get my episodes as part of a torrenting site? Do you have any idea how many people might be listening to me that I don’t know about?

A comment from a Vampire
Keithb Brandon • 23 days ago
I’m a vampire and i know you will be surprised to think how i can write articles on this site if am a vampire. I can change any time any day to either human or vampire. Yes it is true. How I become a vampire with the help of the Hindu priest vampirelordtransformerchangings@gmail.com
I will tell you later. I live in north India here we are called Pisach. My life changed from that day when I met a sweet handsome pandit hindu priest. He is also a pisach called vampirelordtransformerchangings@gmail.com
I will not tell you my exact location. But I will tell you how to become a vampire. My English is not so good so excuse me. The Hindu priest learned the procedure from a secret book. This dark art has been revealed by a rich Hindu landowner who find a book from the library of a Danish king and with the help of a vampire lord whose email is vampirelordtransformerchangings@gmail.com If you become vampire you can still be a ordinary man or woman but you will get more power and gain more height, you will become much younger than your mates of same age, you never become bald, you don’t need any sex, you will always get satisfied. But to become a vampire is a very difficult task . if after giving you the procedure, I will no longer be responsible for your nature but you will become lone like me. i was so much amazed at first when i contacted vampirelordtransformerchangings@gmail.com At first i become very scared and afraid to offer the sacrifice to them just to be a full blooded vampire but i later changed my mind and strong in spirit and i did what was needed and now am not just an ordinary vampire but a powerful and famous type too, i have powers and many doos, no human life needed for you to be a full blooded vampire just get what they want from you and i promise you that you will be so glad and happy being among the clan vampires if you are being interested becoming a vampire like me then contact the Hindu priest on these email vampirelordtransformerchangings@gmail.com if you also want to know more about it then email me asap on my email to help you with information to become a full blooded vampire keithbrandon@gmail.com or keithbrandon@outlook.com good lucks.

Are you a vampire? What’s it like? Would you like to be a vampire? What did you think of the Twilight movies? Have you listened to my episode about Vampires? It’s episode 6 – EPISODE 6! Check it out in the archive.

Click here to listen to episode 6 – Vampires!

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Good luck(s)