Daily Archives: January 23, 2012

80. Essential Social English

Some of the most important phrases, responses and common expressions used in English every day. These are sets of phrases that always go together. Some people call them adjacency pairs.

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Learn many of these vital expressions in this episode of Luke’s English Podcast, one of the fastest growing English language learning podcasts online.

Below you will see all the phrases which I teach in this episode. Thanks for listening. Please make a donation if you can.

Social English

1. Hello:
Alright?
-Alright
How’s it going?
-fine thanks
-not bad
-pretty good
-could be worse
What are you up to? / What have you been up to? / What’s new?
-nothing really
-not much
-this and that
-same as normal/usual
-the same old thing really
–how about you?
How’re things? / How’s things?
-fine thanks
How are you getting on?
-fine thanks

2. Invitations:
Are you up to anything later?
-not much, no
(Do you) want to come to a party?
I’m going to a party if you’d like to come
Do you fancy coming to a party later?
-sounds good
-yeah, sure
-why not
-yeah alright
-I can’t make it
-I’m doing something

3. Goodbye:
See you later
See you in a bit
See ya
Take care
-you too
Cheers
Bye
Catch up with you soon
Keep in touch
Say “hi” to John for me, will you?

4. Leaving:
I’m off
I’d better be off
I’ve got to go
I’m going to chip/trap/scoot
I’m going to make like a tree, and ‘leaf’/’leave’
I’m going to make like a banana, and ‘split’
Have a good evening
-you too
See you tomorrow
-see ya
Take care
-you too
Have a good weekend
-you too! bye!

5. Other things:
Sorry
-that’s alright
PLEASE
THANK YOU
-you’re welcome
-that’s okay
Could you open to the window for me please?
-sure
-yes
-certainly
You couldn’t open the window for me by any chance, could you?
-sure
-certainly
-yes
Have you got the time?
You don’t happen to have the time by any chance do you?
-yes, it’s 4.30
-yes, it’s just gone ten past
Would you like something to drink?
-yes please
-no thanks
-No, I’m fine thanks
-No, you’re alright
Can I help you (at all)?
-no I’m just looking thanks
Do you mind if I smoke?
-No, go ahead!
-Yes, I do mind actually. This is a no-smoking area.
Let’s get started shall we?
-yes, okay
-good idea
Can I just squeeze past?
exCUSE meE!
Cheers x3
Sorry I’m late
What?
Pardon?
What did you say?
Sorry, what was that?
Bless you
-thanks
Oh come ON!
I need the toilet
I think I’m going to throw up
Put the money in the bag!
Hands up
Follow that car
step on it!
Get down!
Get out of there!
It’s gonna blow!
It’s showtime!
We’ve got company!
I’ll be back
off you go
You’ve gotta be kidding me!
For Christ’s sake John!
Get out of here!
How YOU doin?
What’s the matter with you?
Gimme a break god damn it!

6. Good night:
Right, I’m off to bed
Right, I’m going to hit the sack
Good night
Sleep well
-you too
Sweet dreams
Mind the bed bugs don’t bite

Morning
Afternoon
Evening

That’s it. Now watch these funny videos of Hollywood cliches such as “IT’S SHOWTIME!” and “GET OUT OF THERE!”
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LUapZhcsdx8&w=560&h=315]
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_W_szJ6M-kM&w=560&h=315]
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdbYsoEasio&w=420&h=315]

79. Family Arguments and Debates (with The Thompsons)

Listen to the family discussing issues, debating questions and doing speaking challenges in this episode.

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This episode is filled with useful vocabulary and expressions. Listen to hear people expressing their opinions, arguing and debating various important and entertaining issues. I also talk about New Year, Christmas and the view from my living room window.

Here is some of the language which you hear in this episode. Listen to hear me explaining some of it and giving examples.

Enjoy the episode and I hope you find it useful.

VOCABULARY AND EXPRESSIONS FROM THIS EPSIODE
Question 1: Which is better – British English or American English?
-it’s the correct form of English
-so all the Americans are getting it wrong?
-they can speak how they like, it doesn’t really bother me
-they can spell ‘colour’ however the hell they like, and they do goddammit
-since then we’ve changed
-why would they have changed?
-let Dad clear this up
-there’s a strong feeling that American English is sloppy
-I’m saying that there is a view, but it’s not logical
-it’s two cultures divided by a common language
-I reckon British people are just snobbish
-they corrupt it and bastardize it
-the only thing that bugs me is when Americans tell me that I’m doing it wrong
-they’re basically just in-bred redneck cowboys, that’s what you think
-there’s no such thing as a set language
-American culture has been built on enterprise, individuality
-and guns
-and go getting
-and go getting guns
-let’s go get some guns!
-the culture back home is precision precision precision
-do something pared down
-precisely, not vague

Question 2: Should you give money to homeless people?
-they’re probably on drugs
-what I prefer to do is give it to an organisation
-I’d rather give it to Shelter (a charity)
-I don’t have a definitive point of view
-who am I to deny this guy his can of beer if he’s down and out, if he wants to scav a quid off me and I’m feeling flush that day, why not?
-we all have this dilemma

Question 3: If a tree falls in the forest and there’s nobody there, does it make a noise?

Question 4: Why don’t the English learn another language? Why are we bad at learning languages?
-stop talking about the bloody empire
-let’s not get caught up in some sort of French grammatical debate

Question 5: Is it ever justifiable to commit an act of murder?
-manslaughter
-mitigating circumstances
-does that count as murder?
-to take someone’s life
-BIG ARGUMENT BETWEEN LUKE, JAMES AND DAD!!! -Are personal morality and the law the same thing?
-are you talking in terms of the burglar?
-it wasn’t a life or death situation – he went on a revenge mission
-battered him so that he was brain damaged

Question 6: Is the music of the 1960s better than the music of current times?
-no contest
-it’s personal opinion
-you can measure it by public opinion
-imagine a survey
-an imaginary survey is not evidence
-I don’t think it’s cut and dry
-there’s all sorts of music about now which would have blown people’s minds

Topics in the speaking game: shopping, The Royal Family, reading books, bird watching

That’s it for now!

78. Christmas – It’s all about Family (with James)

This episode is all about Christmas. Learn plenty of general English vocabulary and culture.
You will find some vocabulary and definitions below.

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In this episode I talk to my brother (James) about Christmas, and plenty of other things too!

*Caution – this episode contains some rude language and swearing :)*

This is a natural conversation between my brother and me. We talk mainly about Christmas and what it means to us as Londoners in England, UK. We also talk about other things as we naturally get sidetracked during the conversation.
The intention of the conversation is to explain what Christmas really means to us. Some of the things we say are intended to be humourous, which means sometimes we use irony, but most of the time we are being serious.
It might be difficult for you to follow everything we say, but we explain many things while talking. I have made a list of vocabulary and expressions that we use in the conversation. You will find this list of vocabulary and definitions below. Many of the definitions come from this website: http://www.thefreedictionary.com/, and some of the definitions are written by me.

I recommend that you check the vocabulary and expressions in your own dictionary too, and look for examples of the expressions online by googling them. Listen to this podcast several times to really catch all the expressions and to listen to them being used in the natural context of our conversation. Then try to use the expressions yourself, in your own conversations or just while practising English alone.

TRANSCRIPT
Vocabulary is defined below the transcript.

[0:00]
L – Luke
J – James

L: Hello and welcome to this Christmas episode of Luke’s English Podcast. Now, today I’m joined once again by my brother James. Hello James.
J: Hello.
L: And today we’re going to tell you all about what a typical Christmas is for most people in the UK. The UK?
J: Well, yes. I suppose we are specifically Southern England. You know, there are slightly different traditions around the UK such as Scotland may do things slightly differently up north of England things. So, I suppose, we can only really claim to represent Southern England.
L: Or like London. To be honest really, I think, we can only talk for ourselves. So mainly what we’re going to do in this episode is just tell you about what Christmas really means to us.
J: But I suppose it is fairly typical of English and British people.
L: That’s true, that’s absolutely right. So, we’re going to tell you about a typical Christmas for us, here in London, in England, in Britain, in the UK, in Europe, in the world etc. Right? And also we’re going to teach you, along the way… we are going to teach you bits of vocabulary and expressions that relate to Christmas and New Year and all the things and celebrations and various aspects of Christmas. Okay? So, cultural stuff and a bit of vocab in the process.
J: Okay.
L: Yeah. So, how are you doing?
J: I’m okay. I’ve got a bit of a cold, but I’m fine.
(sound of phone ringing)
L: Oh, the flimmin [this is not a word] phone , I bet that’s a cold caller.
(sound of phone ringing)
J: Luke’s just gone to answer the phone. This is sometimes a common thing.
L: (answering the phone ) Hello, Luke’s English Podcast.
(after a while)
L: No.
(sound of hanging up the phone)
J: Yes, very common thing. People get hold of your phone number through the telephone directory and they phone you up trying to sell you stuff or sometimes is just a robotic voice trying to sell you something. Very annoying and very little you can do about it.
L: That was a robot voice then it said: “Hello, this is an important recorded message for Luke Thompson.” And so immediately I knew it was a cold caller. Right?
J: It’s borderline illegal although…
L: It’s very annoying.
J: It’s very annoying. It’s well into the annoying category. Yeah.
L: We call them “cold calling”, because it’s a way for companies to just call someone without any warning…
J: Without any previous interactions, so as sort of a warm contact would be if they already answered a question essay and they wish to receive more information, but in this instance he hadn’t been asked. So that’s why it’s a “cold call”.
L: Because they’re just calling you without any previous contact at all. Cold call, which is ironic, because when the phone rang, you were just telling everyone that you had a cold.
J: Different meaning of cold. Cold is just, well I guess it’s the same around the world, a mild flu.
L: Yeah. It’s like a virus that goes round. And everyone kind of catches it. Because people always say: “Oh yeah, there is a cold going round”, you know. “It goes round” that means that, you know, it passes from person to person.
J: Especially in a place like London, where we have very tight concentration of people on public transport and cold and minor diseases, that sounds disgusting, but sorry it’s true…
L: Minor diseases.
J: Minor diseases can spread quite easily through the handrails and the shared air that you got on the ground.
L: Yeah, it’s right.
J: It’s common thing in London to get cold quite a lot.
L: Basically the London underground is just…
J: …a breeding ground for disease and infection.
L: A breeding ground for disease and infection. So that’s true.
J: There you go. Some people say this podcast is too positive. So, there you go. We’re given you a negative there.
L: My brother believes that sometimes in this podcast I just… I’m just too positive about things. I don’t agree, I think, you haven’t really listened to many of the episodes.
J: No, I’ve hardly listened to any of them, to be honest.
L: You haven’t really listened to the episode that you’re in.
J: No, I haven’t, I was too embarrassing.
L: And I did say “you’re in”, I didn’t say “urine” there.
J: Good.
L: We don’t ever mention urine on the show…
J: …in this house.
L: …until now.
J: Let’s get to the point.
L: Can I just explain what happened there? Sometimes in English words can sound like other words. Right? Like if you say the word “you’re” meaning “you are” and “in”, “you are in” it can sound a bit like the word “urine”. Right? “You’re in”, “urine”.
J: It’s not a very good joke, but some examples of this work better than others.
L: I don’t think that’s really a joke, it’s more just a coincidence.
J: It’s a double meaning.
L: Urine/You’re in.
J: So you could for instance… I don’t know if should say this, if I were to offer you a coffee

[5:00]
L: Go on.
J: I could say: “You’re for coffee?”.
L: Like “You’re for coffee?” as a question like “You’re for coffee?”, but also sounds like a rude word.
J: It sounds a little bit like a…
L: “You’re for coffee?”, “You fuck off-y?”.
J: Okay, okay. I think they get it. Sorry about that.
L: Anyway, so you haven’t really even listened to the episodes that you’re in, have you? Don’t tell me to fuck off at this point.
(laugh)
J: Enough swearing. I think we should delete that bit.
L: Let’s get down to business and talk about Christmas, shall we? But we’re both… before we do that, we both suffering from ever so slight colds.
J: That’s why we sound sort of slightly bunged up. There is a phrase for you.
L: Bunged up. I’ll write this down. I must write down…
J: So write down call cold, bunged up.
L: Urine.
J: No, not that one.
L: I should write it down. Call cold, bunged up.
J: Bunged up, that’s just means blocked up nose.
L: You’re for coffee.
J: We’re not going to do that one.
L: I don’t know, I might write it down anyway. Urine. You’re in.
J: Things not to say in a business meeting for instance. You don’t lean over to the managing director and say “You fuck off-y?”. That would be a social faux pas, which is French.
L: A faux pas. That is. Faux pas is a French word.
J: And some English phrases are just literally a French phrase which we quite like a sound of. It’s been picked up over the years and accepted as English phrases, for instance: cliche, faux pas.
L: Yeah, a cul-de-sac.
J: Yeah.
L: It’s true.
J: Cul-de-sac…
L: Wait, wait, wait. What is first of all… What is a faux pas? What is a cliche? And what is a cul-de-sac? What’s a faux pas? Well it’s a French word.
J: Fake. “Faux” means “fake”, doesn’t it?
L: Maybe. I don’t know what the original…
J: I don’t know what the literal thing means, we’re very embarrassing. If you know, write in the comment underneath.
L: I’m sure. I’ve got lots of listeners who speak French, who can tell us exactly what “faux pas” means in French, but in English…
J: It’s just means a minor mistake.
L: It’s a social mistake.
J: A social mistake, yeah.
L: So for example, if you go to a business meeting and you…
J: …are wearing trainers.
L: …and you’re wearing sport shoes, trainers, sneakers, pumps, that kind of thing, to a business meeting, where you should be dressed in formal way. That would be a faux pas, like a social mistake. Okay. Next one was a cliche, another French word.
J: It’s because that we don’t have a literal translation for that in English, so we use the French, which means a cliche. A kind of… it’s very hard to explain.
L: Welcome to my job.
J: It’s very hard to explain without using the French.
L: I think the cliche is something which has happened many, many, many times and to the point which it’s now become really sort of predictable and not even necessarily true.
J: Slightly embarrassingly obvious, maybe.
L: Obvious, predictable. It’s been repeated many times.
J: So for instance a cliche would be an English bloke swigging lager with an England top on watching the football.
L: So that’s a cultural cliche.
J: A cultural cliche.
L: Which is very similar to a stereotype.
J: It is, that’s the word I was looking for. It’s similar to a stereotype, but it doesn’t just have to fit a person. It could fit a style or…
L: Usually stereotypes describe a type of person, don’t they? Like the German stereotype, the American stereotype, French stereotype.
J: And all the best stereotypes have an element of truth in them as well, obviously.
L: Like the English stereotype. There’s two English stereotypes for me. One is that we are very posh, stuck up, kind of gentlemen…
J: Drinking tea, wearing bowler hats.
L: And being very posh and going “Oh, my dear… my good man…” that kind of thing, which you know the Americans love that kind of English stereotype. But the other stereotype is…
J: It’s a football hooligan. Somebody goes (sound of hooligans).
L: Right? I think actually most English people have both.
J: A bit of both.
L: Yeah. They can be very reserved and polite and “Oh sorry”, but on the other hand they can… if they have a few drinks…
J: They can be quite ignorant and stupid.
L: They become ignorant and stupid.
J: And I include myself in that, unfortunately.
L: I think, you’re more hooligan than gentleman. I am maybe more gentleman than hooligan, but it depends…
J: So you like to think.
L: I don’t know, I don’t know if it’s true. It depends. Sometimes you’re more gentlemanly than I am and sometimes…
J: I don’t watch football, I want to point that out, I don’t follow a team. I never drink lager.
L: How many time have you had a fight in your life? Physical, a physical fight.
J: A few, but they were really asking for it.

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77. Bear vs Shark

Who would win in a fight between a bear and a shark? This episode is full of descriptive language and funny moments.

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Obviously, this is just a virtual fight, not a real one. It’s just a funny topic of conversation, and a light-hearted topic for this episode of Luke’s English Podcast.

In this episode you will listen to:
1. A stand-up comedian from Canada (Tony Law) talking about a fight between a bear and a shark
2. I will explain vocabulary and jokes that Tony Law makes
3. You’ll listen to some expert opinions on who would win the fight

So, let’s think about this fight between a big bear and a dangerous shark. How would you organise the fight? Where would you do it? which animal is the strongest? How would the bear manage to grab the shark? Would it bite it or hit it with its paws? Would the bear be able to swim in the water? Wouldn’t it just want to escape? How about the shark? Would it be able to swim in shallow water? How many times would it need to bite the bear? Wouldn’t the two animals just try to escape? WHAT THE HELL WOULD HAPPEN???

This episode is just a bit of fun! Obviously, I hope no-one really tries to do organise a fight between two animals. It’s just a VIRTUAL fight, not a REAL one!

Transcript – Tony Law (Bear vs shark)
Now, another fun thing to do if you’ve got the money and you’ve got the time it’s well worth your while if you could organise yourself a fight between a black bear and a shark. Now, what you’re gonna need to get started up is a shallow little wading pool, ok? Now, any old wading pool will do but i prefer one with aluminum siding, or aluminium if you will. And most of you do.
Get that nice and set up. Now, this is important, make sure you put sand bags around the outside of it because you’re going to put a lot of weight in there okay? All right.
Now, some of you are ahead of me. You’re thinking, you’re saying Tone we’re going to need to fill that up with water aren’t we? Yes we are. So you introduce your garden hose or weirdly long tap, I don’t know your homes. I don’t know how much you like DIY. So, so you get that nice and full of water and now you want to, you’re going to want to introduce your shark, aren’t you? Yeah, of course, yeah. So, now you’re going to need a buddy for this. Always buddy up because sharks, they’re heavy aren’t they. So you get your shark and bring him in, right, because I use a tiger shark for this, they’re just, they’re more bitey. They’re more bitey and it helps the process along.
So you put him in there, let him acclimatise himself. Now that won’t take very long because that’s a small pool, and he’s a big fish, isn’t he? So, get him in there, right, let him acclimatise himself, right. And then you go into the house and you get your paints. Oil paints are the best for this. And you come out and you paint that shark up to look like a salmon.
“You know honey, we should do more dangerous art! -I know!” Now you’re going to want to introduce your black bear, right? Listen, hey, once you’ve done it my way once, you can change it up. Use any kind of bear you want. Polar bear, grizzly. First time, try it with a black bear, okay? So you bring in your black bear. He’s a bear isn’t he, and he’s going to look down and that’s definitely going to be the largest salmon he’s ever seen in his life. It’s not going to stop him, he’s just going to go “Oh, all my bear Christmases have come at once”. He’s going to look down and he’s just going to go “Mmmm, that’s a big motherfuckin’ salmon right there. Shit! I’m gonna eat that fuckin’ salmon right up! Mmm, that is a tasty looking big motherfuckin’ salmon there. I said what I said. MMM, I’m gonna eat that salmon up because I built up an appetite, with the ladies, mmm. ”
Now listen, you get your black bear from anywhere in the world, you don’t need to make his voice quite so racist. Smarten up! You know, be more xenophobic about it. Get yourself a Russian bear, “Oh boy look at the size of that salmon I can’t wait to eat it”. You know, or a Polish bear, “Oh boy I sound exactly like Russian bear. I can’t wait to eat it.” You know, or get yourself a Chinese bear… I’m not going there am I? [I’m not going to do that accent] Doesn’t matter how good you think your Chinese voice is, it isn’t. It never is, is it? I mean there’s some accents you just stay away from, aren’t there? You know, like Chinese and all of it’s affiliates. Ooh, don’t go there. Those aren’t for you, unless you’re Chinese or, you know, someone in your family is Chinese. You know, then knock yourself out. Same thing, Indian sub-continent. Ooh, danger lurks there. Don’t do those accents. Unless you’re indian, you know, or your parents are, I don’t know. We’ve all got a white friend who’s done his Indian accent, haven’t we, at some point in your life. It’s never worked out has it? Artistically or morally. It’s [always] like “oh, he’s doing the voice, ohhh.” Starts out in Trinidad & Tobago, moves over to Wales for a bit, and fucks off up to Sunderland for a while. Ohh, while everyone feels a bit dirty, and needing a bath. Ohh, but you don’t say anything do you? He won’t learn, will he? If you say something, he’ll never learn. He’ll only learn by everyone going “mmmmmm”.
But he just sees it and he goes straight in with that left paw doesn’t he? Ah, big mistake black bear. ARR! Pulls back a stump. That’s not going to heal in a hurry. But like I said, brave, noble creature and he things “I’ve got one good paw left. I’m going in”. Second mistake black bear, Ahh! Pulls back a stump. Now he’s fucked isn’t he? Now we’ve got a black bear with no front paws. He’s losing a lot of blood but luckily he spent some time in the Moscow state circus so he can balance on his hind two feet, and if there’s a little kiddies bicycle around he can probably just wheel around on that too. He’s not going to have the glorious victory he was hoping for now. Now he’s gotta like do little nips in the shark’s ass. Just little nips. Little nips. And I wish there was an exciting way for that to finish but it takes about eight hours for the shark to bleed to death.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=draZQ2upJZ0&w=480&h=360]

Expert Opinion
Here is the expert opinion from www.en.allexperts.com
Wild Animals/Great White Shark vs Grizzly Bear Expert: Jonathan Wright – 8/3/2005
Question About 50 of my friends and I have been debating whether a Great White Shark or Grizzly Bear would win in a fight in 4-6 feet of water for about a year now. It always comes up at bars or trips, etc. Perhaps an expert like yourself could provide some insight or facts about which we could further debate this issue. Of course, we would all also love to hear your opinion on which animal would win. Thanks in advance.

Get the answer below
Answer:

Dear Justin
Thanks for your question. I must admit that it would be extremely unlikely for a grizzly bear to come into contact with a great white shark. Generally speaking, animals do not tend to have fights with members of other species. If an animal is not a potential prey, there is little reason to waste any time on it. I think that the bear and shark would try to avoid one another, rather than launching into a fight. If the bear could escape onto land, or the shark into deeper water, they would do so.

I have looked up various websites. Several people have discussed the outcome of a fight between a bear and shark and there are supporters on both sides. There is even a cartoon of a brown bear holding a shark aloft.
http://myoldkyhome.blogspot.com/2005/06/bear-vs-shark.html states that if the bear couldn’t stand up, it would lose in water.
http://www.cordmag.com/002may2004/tenquestionsshins.html also thinks the shark would win, as the bear’s claws couldn’t get hold of the shark. http://www.ambrosiasw.com/forums/lofiversion/index.php/t95776.html gives various ideas about the fight.

One correspondent states that a shark wouldn’t have a big enough mouth to swallow a bear in shallow water. Some correspondents favour the bear, because of its teeth, jaws and claws. The bear can move its claws and mouth independently from the rest of the body. One suggestion is that if the bear got on top of the shark and held on, it could scoop out its brain, using a massive swipe of a claw; a counter-argument is that this isn’t normal bear behaviour. One correspondent thinks a grizzly bear would have enough strength to beat a mako shark in shallow water, with blunt force blows crushing the shark. The bear is also a good enough swimmer to have some chance of beating a shark in shallow water.

Other correspondents favour the shark, which is bigger, heavier, faster and stronger in water than the bear is. It could use its great jaw strength and biting power to sever the bear’s limb, leading to the bear dying from blood loss. It also has tough skin, covered with sharp scales. The bear couldn’t survive the shark’s initial assault. http://www.yptenc.org.uk/docs/factsheets/animal_facts/great_white_shark.html mentions details of a shark attack. As it opens its mouth to attack, it raises its flexible snout out of the way and the jaws, which are loosely attached to the skull, are pushed out as the mouth opens which puts the teeth into the biting position. There is immense power behind the jaws and the teeth are adapted for shearing or sawing flesh as a shark clamps its jaws on its victim and throws its head from side to side until a mouthful is torn from the body. A modest-sized 4.8 metre (16 foot) great white shark can bite with a pressure of 3 tonnes per square centimetre, and will tear out a chunk of flesh measuring 28 by 33 centimetres. Sharks usually catch weakly and sick animals, so would be unlikely to attack a healthy bear. It may attack in shallow water, rushing in before a victim realises what is going on.
http://www.newenglandsharks.com/N.ENG.%20whites.htm states that white sharks are often found in shallow water and seem to prefer eating marine mammals instead of fish, especially if the prey is found close to shore. In your scenario, the depth of the water is important, also whether the animals are trapped in the pool or whether they can escape. Generally speaking, the bear would win if a fight took place on land, while the shark would probably win if the fight took place in deep water. A fight in shallow water could go either way, although the bear would try to escape onto land, if possible. It would only be able to swim for a limited period of time and would be in danger of drowning if the shark dragged it under the water. The bear could hit the shark on the nose (if it thought this was a good idea), but otherwise the shark is a tougher animal and, I think, would be more likely to win. There is a strong possibility, though, of a double death, with the bear drowning and the shark suffocating;
http://answers.google.com/answers/threadview?id=521266 states that a shark slowly suffocates unless there is a stream of water over the gills.

Looking at all the evidence, I think that the shark is more likely to win if the fight can only take place in water i.e. if the bear cannot drag the shark onto land. I think that, if land were available, the bear wouldn’t enter the water in the first place, or would try to escape from the water as soon as possible. A great white shark is a totally different issue compared to a salmon. While the bear could use its claws to punch the shark’s nose or gouge out flesh, the shark’s teeth are more powerful and, if either animal lost any of their teeth, the shark has lots of spare sets, while if an adult bear loses its teeth, these are lost for ever. The strength, biting power and speed of the shark in water would probably give it an advantage against the bear in most situations. While the bear could win, and does have many supporters in this prospective fight, I think that the shark is more likely to be the victor. I only hope that this fight is only done on a virtual level and isn’t staged for the amusement of bloodthirsty people. I hope this helps you and your colleagues. All the best.
Jonathan

Questioner’s Rating Rating(1-10) Knowledgeability = 10 Clarity of Response = 10 Politeness = 10 Comment Thanks a ton, it was the best help I could get!