Monthly Archives: October 2014

229. Zombies! (Part 2)

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This is the second in a 2-part series all about zombies. In part 1 I talked about the zombie in popular culture, analysis of the zombie as a metaphor and then some rules for surviving the zombie apocalypse. To listen to part 1 – click here. In episode 2 I’m going to take a couple of zombie survival quizzes and then do a language focus on conditionals. [Download]

Small Donate ButtonPart 2: Zombie Survival
The Zombieland 32 Rules of Zombie Survival
Pick a survival quiz and go through it.
The Ultimate Zombie Apocalypse Survival Quiz
The Walking Dead Survival Test

Part 3: Conditionals
I’m going to explain them and give examples. For pronunciation you should repeat the sentences after me. Listen for connected speech and weak forms.

Generally speaking, conditionals refer to sentences with an ‘if’ clause (the conditional clause) and a consequence clause. Sometimes other conjunctions are used, like ‘when’, ‘as soon as’ or ‘unless’.

0 Conditionals
These are used to refer to facts that are always true and the consequences that always happen. It’s a present tense in the ‘if’ clause and a present tense in the consequence clause. For example, “When the sun comes up, the day begins” or “When the sun goes down, the night-time begins and all the evil monsters come out!”
Sometimes we use “when” instead of “if” and this just emphasises that this always happens. Using “if” suggests that it doesn’t always happen, but nevertheless the consequence is always the same. “If I talk about zombies, my girlfriend gets scared”. You could also say, “Every time” or “whenever”.

Also, we can use imperatives in the conditional clause. “If I get bitten, shoot me in the head before I turn into a zombie.”

1st Conditionals
These are used to talk about a future event (which you think is likely) and its logical consequence. It uses a present tense in the ‘if’ clause and a future form in the consequence.
*Don’t put ‘will’ (or any future form) into the ‘if’ clause.
“Shh! Be quiet! If you make too much noise you’ll attract more zombies!”
“If we see another zombie again I’ll lose my mind”
Use ‘when’ to emphasise that you think it’s definitely going to happen.
“When we arrive, we’ll need to check all the rooms for walkers”
Use ‘as soon as’ to emphasise that the consequence will happen immediately.
“As soon as he comes in the room, I’ll smash him in the head with this baseball bat!”

2nd Conditionals
Use these when you’re talking about hypothetical future or present events – not the past. For the future it means things that you don’t expect to happen, but you’re speculating on them anyway. If you think they’re likely, use 1st conditionals. If you think they’re unlikely, use a 2nd conditional. Use a past tense in the ‘if’ clause and then would in the other clause.
*Don’t put ‘would’ in the if clause.
“If I met a zombie in real life, I’d probably be fine”
“You’d be screwed if you met a zombie in real life”
“I reckon I’d survive if a zombie outbreak happened”
It’s also for imagining an alternative present.
“If I was a zombie I’d just stay at home.”
“If I were you I’d get yourself a weapon.”

3rd Conditionals
Here we are imagining an alternative past. It’s not the real past, but a hypothetical one. Use ‘had + past participle’ in the ‘if’ clause and then ‘would + have + past participle’ in the other clause. This one’s tricky because of all the auxiliary verbs.
“If you hadn’t saved me I would have been absolutely fucked” (You saved me and I wasn’t absolutely fucked)
“If he’d been more careful he wouldn’t have got bitten”.
“We wouldn’t have survived very long if we hadn’t stayed together!”

Mixed Conditionals
This could be a hypothetical past action with a present result.
“If he’d been more careful he’d be alive today”

Or a hypothetical present with a past result (yes it’s possible).
“If the government wasn’t so corrupt, this would never have happened.”

That’s it!

228. Zombies! (Part 1)

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This is part 1 of a two-part series about zombies! Right-click here to download.

Small Donate ButtonThis episode is all about zombies – the undead, flesh eaters, walkers, biters, the infected – whatever you want to call them, zombies have become an indelible part of our popular culture now. There are zombies in the cinemas, zombies on TV in shows like AMC’s The Walking Dead, zombies in computer games, zombies online, even zombie walks in which people get together in large groups in order to dress up like zombies and walk around going “uhhhhh”. We’re pretty obsessed by zombies, and I am too. I love zombies and zombie films. Maybe that makes me some kind of sick and twisted individual, but I’m not alone. In fact, I think that zombies are perhaps as popular and present in our culture as vampires and ghosts. But, what is some of the history behind the zombie phenomenon? Where do they come from? What do they want? Why are we obsessed by zombies? How can you survive if zombies really attack? And, how do we talk about zombies in English? That’s the focus of this extra-special and extra-creepy episode of Luke’s English Podcast.

This episode is in 3 parts (and 2 episodes). In the first part we’re going to examine the zombie as a popular cultural phenomenon, then in the second part I’m going to test my survival skills by taking a zombie survival quiz. You can join me as I make various decisions that will affect my chances of surviving the zombie apocalypse. In part 3 we’re going to consider some conditional structures. That’s 0, 1st, 2nd, 3rd and mixed conditionals.

Part 1. The Zombie in Popular Culture
Zombies seem to be more popular than ever, but why? (The Walking Dead, zombie films like Zombieland, Shaun of the Dead and computer games like Left 4 Dead or Resident Evil)

The origin of the word “zombie”.
The concept has been popularly associated with the Vodou religion, but it plays no part in that faith’s formal practices.
In Haitian folklore, a zombie is an animated corpse raised by magical means, such as witchcraft. Zombies featured widely in Haitian rural folklore, as dead persons physically revived by the act of necromancy of a bokor sorcerer (the bokor is a witch-like figure). Zombies remain under the control of the bokor as their personal slaves, since they have no will of their own. Some people say that zombie voodoo magic is real, but others claim that it’s just a chemical or hypnotic control of a living person – causing them to act like mindless slaves of the bokor sorcerer. That’s certainly very creepy and fascinating from a social, biological, chemical and psychological point of view.

The history of zombies in movies and games
There were a few books and films made in the 1930s that used the voodoo legend to create creepy stories, but it wasn’t until I Am Legend, a 1954 horror fiction novel by American writer Richard Matheson and then principally the film “Night of the Living Dead” by George A. Romero that zombies properly entered popular culture. Romero’s film created the image of the zombie that we know today: dead people who return from the grave – the undead, who pray on the living and feed on their flesh, a world in chaos, the individual against masses of brainless enemies. One of the most interesting things about Night of the Living Dead is the subtext of the film. The hero is a black man in America, during the era of the civil rights movement. The ending is particularly relevant as we see that not only does the hero have to deal with the zombies, he also has to deal with the living and their prejudice.

George A. Romero went on to make a number of other zombie films, and really defined the genre and the whole zombie subculture, including most of the ‘rules’ for zombies and the general standards by which all other zombie culture is measured. The thing about zombie movies, and zombie culture in general is that there is always some kind of subtext – a criticism of consumer culture, a comment on the horror of the uneducated masses or the brainlessness of the population at large. For example in his 1978 classic “Dawn of the Dead” the main characters find shelter in a large shopping mall. The zombies too choose to go to the mall, but only out of some distant memory of being alive – they brainlessly walk around the mall in death just like they brainlessly walked around the mall in life. I suppose the subtext is that consumer culture is turning us into mindless mall zombies – unable to think for ourselves, acting like sheep, easily manipulated by marketing, branding and the allure of materialism.

Computer games took over from movies in the 1990s with the release of the Japanese computer game series “Resident Evil” which perfectly captured the lingering dread, the sudden horror and enjoyment of the zombie subculture. Resident Evil…

Then around the millennium we got Danny Boyle’s film “24 Days Later” which brought back zombies, but with a twist. They’re now able to run really fast! This re-booted zombie movies and it wasn’t long before we got a remake of Dawn of the Dead complete with running zombies.

The genre began to ‘eat itself’ and got even more postmodern with the brilliant comedy/horror/romcom (zom-rom-com) “Shaun of the Dead” which was directed by Edgar Wright and starred Simon Pegg and Nick Frost. This is such a brilliant film as it combined the romantic comedy with the zombie movie. In it we follow Shaun, who is not going anywhere in his life. In fact, he is becoming increasingly like a zombie by not challenging himself, being lazy and unabitious, getting stuck in a routine. His girlfriend dumps him and he has to grow up, realise his responsibilities, change his life and try to get her back. While this is all happening to him he doesn’t realise that London has become over-run with zombies. He ends up having to battle them while also saving the girl he loves. It works on lots of levels, it’s quite scary and it’s really funny.

More recently the film Zombieland was a big hit. That was an American made comedy featuring zombies and it’s definitely worth checking out. Now we have the massive hit TV show “The Walking Dead” which is one of the most successful American shows on TV at the moment. At it’s worst it’s just a soap opera with zombies. At it’s best it is a terrifying look at the ways in which people have to survive genuine hardship – how it unites people, how it tests courage and fortitude and how it can test the limits of a person’s morality.

Rules of Zombies
Like vampires, zombies have rules too. Let’s just evaluate those rules.
They’re ‘undead’, meaning they were dead and have come back to life.
You have to die to become a zombie.
Usually you become a zombie by being bitten by one. The bite kills you by infecting you with a virus and then you turn into a zombie.
Usually zombies are caused by some kind of virus, but the outbreak can have more mysterious origins.
Often the cause of the outbreak is somehow connected with the actions of secretive government departments. It’s usually the government’s fault. They’ve been doing medical tests, testing on animals, or have caused some kind of radiation leak that somehow causes the dead to come back to life and start feeding on the living.
Zombies have a taste for human flesh, not dead flesh, although they have been known to feast on recently deceased bodies.
They don’t have super powers, although their powers are a bit ambiguous. Do their muscles retain their full strength? Probably. What actually causes them to move? We’re not always sure. I think it’s an infection of the central nervous system which causes the brain to ‘turn’ and then operate the muscles, usually with one intention – to feed on living flesh, especially brains.
How do you kill a zombie?
You have to remove the head or destroy the brain. That’s it.
Zombies are quite sensitive to sound, and they can see.
If you don’t do that, the zombies will keep on coming, even crawling across the floor without legs.
Some things I’m not sure of: How long can zombies keep going? Can they swim? Is it possible to hide among zombies if you copy them? If you remove their jaws and teeth do they become harmless?

What do zombies represent to us? Some different ‘readings’ of the zombie as a metaphor.
– Disease or viral infection
– The herd mentality of people in society – mindless followers of religion, politicians, or social convention and the way that zombies want to annihilate individuality.
– The drudgery of every day life. Habits turn us into zombies.
– Consumer society and cultural imperialism.
– Fear of overpopulation and the potential for catastrophe, or natural disaster.
– Blaming the establishment (it’s usually due to a failing by the government, or some big thing which is out of the control of ordinary people)
– USA Libertarian fantasy
– Back to basics fantasy
– Post-apocalyptic fantasy

Part 2: Zombie Survival
The Zombieland 32 Rules of Zombie Survival

That’s it! Click here for episode 229. Zombies! (Part 2)
Videos
Nick Frost & Simon Pegg’s Guide to zZombies:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

227. Sausages, Barcodes & Apple Watches (A Rambling Episode)

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This is one of those episodes in which I set myself a 30 minute challenge. Can I talk for 30 minutes without pausing or repeating myself, and with absolutely nothing prepared in advance? Listen to the episode to find out. [Download]

Small Donate ButtonI’ve done this kind of episode before, for example on the Ice Cream Episode, in which I rambled on about whatever came into my head until eventually I ended up talking about how I wish everyone in the world could stop fighting and share some ice-cream instead (you may say I’m a dreamer – but I’m not the only one). That’s why I called it The Ice-Cream Episode.

This one is called “Sausages, Barcodes & Apple Watches” and you don’t have to be a genius to work out what came into my head while recording this episode. As well as these subjects I also touched upon the topics of: Evil cheese, a religion based on the hatred of pizza, and more…

Let me remind you again that this whole episode was recorded in a completely unplanned way, and my only conditions were that I had to just keep going without pausing, even when I had no idea what to say next, and that I wasn’t allowed to repeat myself at all. I came really close to failing this (admittedly pointless) task. In fact, maybe I did fail it. Ultimately, you the listener can decide if I failed or passed my mission.

The Missing Two Minutes of This Episode
About 2 minutes of this episode have been edited out because some members of my audience found the content to be offensive. Usually I don’t believe my episodes should be edited for causing offence, but in this case I’ve made an exception. If you’re wondering what I said, basically I expressed some scepticism regarding the fact that pork is banned in some religions. The last thing I want is to attract scorn from any religious groups. I don’t want to offend, and I don’t want to deal with the repercussions. So, in this instance I opted to edit out those 2 minutes.

What do you think? Did I fail this task? Does it really matter anyway?
[socialpoll id=”2228490″]

My Video Interview with Gabby Wallace from “Go Natural English”

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Hi everyone,

I was recently interviewed by Gabby Wallace for a series of videos she is creating about podcasting and teaching English online. I thought you might like to see it. Gabby chose to interview me as I am a “super star online teacher” (oh thanks!) and she’s interested in finding out about how teachers like me manage to take their work online. I talk about how and why I first started doing Luke’s English Podcast and about some of the challenges faced by online teachers who want to take their work to the next level.

You may already know Gabby as one half of All Ears English. She’s now going it alone as an online teacher and has her own YouTube channel called Go Natural English.

Here’s the video :)

Luke

226. On a Boat (with Moz, Alex and Paul)

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aka “The Boat that Rocked” or “The Drunk Episode 2”. In this episode I spent the evening on a narrowboat on a canal in a part of North London known as Little Venice, with my friends Alex, Paul, Moz and Dave. Join us as we talk about life on a canal boat in London, the first jobs we ever had, answers to a few questions sent in by a long-term listener called Hiroshi, and explanations of various rude expressions and jokes which came up spontaneously during the conversation. Please be aware that this episode contains strong language, rude & explicit content and plenty of bad jokes. Right-click here to download.

Small Donate Button

Introduction Transcript

Hello, this is a special introduction to this episode of Luke’s English Podcast.

Before you listen to the recording in this episode I would just like to warn you that this one contains material which you might find offensive, confusing or just plain stupid, including: failed attempts at humour, bad jokes, vague sexual innuendo, rude words, swearing, references to body parts, disgusting sound effects and general behaviour which would definitely be inappropriate in polite company. The conversation that you’re going to hear in this episode was recorded privately with friends, in a very informal setting. It is not suitable for children. It’s not really suitable for intelligent adults either to be honest. I present it here with great reservation, against my better judgement and with the understanding that some of you may find it purile, unamusing, difficult to understand, offensive or just plain unnecessary, and that publishing this episode may cause you to abandon Luke’s English Podcast, throw your phone into a lake, or even spit onto the ground in pure disgust.

However, despite my reservations to that effect, I also realise there is probably a certain section of my audience who love a bit of filth, and who would like nothing better than to listen in on a conversation between some English friends amusing themselves by talking ‘crap’ together over a few beers. In fact, I publish this conversation with those members of my audience in mind. Are you bored of listening to ‘safe’ English which has had all the rudeness removed from it? Are you fed up with being taught only the ‘nice’ English which you are supposed to speak, but which you suspect no native speakers actually use in their private lives? Do you ever have the lingering feeling that native English speakers present a ‘clean’ version of their language to you in lessons, but in private they speak a rather different form of the language – one that involves plenty of inappropriate and immature dirty jokes? Would you like to have the chance to sit with some Londoners on a canal boat while they drink beer and talk nonsense, without regard for the normal polite conventions of a language classroom or a business meeting? Well, if that’s what you want, then all you have to do is keep listening to this episode of Luke’s English Podcast which was recorded several weeks ago on a canal boat in North London, with a group of slightly drunk idiots. Idiots who I am proud to call my friends, and the group which I happily consider myself a member. Welcome to Luke’s English Podcast…

Vocabulary List & Extracts  (thanks to Jack from the comment section)

Vague
Innuendo
Against my better judgement
Some of you may find it puerile
However, despite my reservations to that effect……
Who would like nothing better than to listen in on a conversation……
I’ve done episodes in an apartment.
I’m doing an episode on a boat.
A canal narrow boat.
How do you want me to elaborate?
I’ve taken up running
Just jogging around a lake.
Just purely pragmatic.
The water levels have receded.
We now know exactly what Paul intended to do when he left the boat.
I suppose it’s a good thing he did leave.
The thing about a fart is that it comes from two angles, it’s like a double punch!
If you farted continuously for 6 years and 9 months you’d produce enough energy to create an atomic bomb!
I speak for the listeners as well.
Dave’s boat is moored.
A bollard.
We are getting more and more suggestive.
Innuendo
You are ducking the question.
Are we going to explain euphemisms?
English is a non inflicted Indo-European language.
That was frank and clear language.
It goes down into a sewer.
Anyone who has turned up on a boat….
I’m not so tight.
I’m of Irish stock.
You are in safe hands now.
You all are my bitches (extremely rude, meaning : I own all of you)
The boat just rocked.
Mr. Langton came down from the gunnels onto the bow and he’s coming into the cabin and that rocked the cabin quite heavily to the right. (17:00)
Tsunami
I’m a posh brummie
I’m a scumbag.
You are a proper brummie.
No-one nicked me (my) car!
I’m quite cultured.
Another example of a euphemism
Loaded with euphemisms.
He hasn’t got hairy feet.
Because I can see he has got Stroud T-shirt on. (21:17)
I bet you could drive a tractor.
I’m not babbling like a baby.
We are thundering into a forest now.
You’ve to keep rowing. (25:00)
Curtains are the things you put over a window to keep the light out.
It’s a fireplace.
Give us a sales pitch for this boat.
Prime sales pitch
This is a very tidy boat indeed.
The proud owner doesn’t know because he has had it for that long.
Lovely tiled fireplace.
Wicker basket.
They are particularly nice.
The last time you were on this podcast….
I bought a flat in London for £215,000 which is a rip off.
…..I own a 50 foot boat which is wood panelled……
Canal stretches through large parts of London.
The great thing about London is that : If you have got a canal boat you can kind of live where ever you want to live as long as you are there for like 14 days and then there is a stipulation that you have got to move on.
I’m moving myself across London kind of like itinerant but with like a big boat.
How does it feel to be cut off like this?
You can’t avoid knowing who Barack Obama is!
I’ve kind of lost the thread here….
I haven’t had my telly on since the last Top Gear.
I walked past the BBC this week…..
If you see your news of what’s going on from other places – I think you are better off.
Cargo containing boat.
And people got whiplash.
This news has been covered in London.
Moorhen, wader, swans.
There was a Turkish man who beheaded a swan.
Mute swans.
Grunting noise.
When they take off.
There’s always someone who pipes up……
Just go to the door, onto the back…..(of the boat)
In a perpetual state of……
Walrus, seal.
You are like a windscreen wiper on a car, sprays out…….
I expect that my listeners are not able to pick up on every little rude joke.
Paul or Dave says : Luke spawns like a blue whale.
……Very rude, very unsophisticated but this the way to let off some steam.
Bespoke specially designed questions for you.
Curve ball
You could do with a little bit of grooming.
Liverpudlian
Luke is a man of refinery when it comes to accents.
Radio conditions please.
He said something that was derogatory in nature.
Don’t dwell on it…..
The BBC is slowly being dismantled.
A chemistry assistant
A shoe shine boy.
They paid me in liquorice, hard liquourice.
A local rag (local newspaper)
Broadsheets, tabloids.
I bet you had to ride a long distance because it was in the countryside.
You’ve definitely got something important to bring to the table.
I was working as a shelf stacker.
Tin foods
Tuna
Can I make an interesting observation here?
I worked for the BBC in compliance.
Index finger
I used to edit out programs.
Parapets
Dave has just come back into the room he went out to get a couple of bottles of local beer.
It could well be…..
We need to draw things to a close
And we’ve got to think what we are going to put out there for you.
We’ve achieved less than nothing.
I’m little bit more coherent this time.
I need to wind down the podcast now.
Paul Langton : I appreciate you for listening to the podcast (Luke screams : LUKE’S ENGLISH PODCAST)
I’m just cocker hoop about every thing.
I would like to thank Hiroshi for providing such insightful questions.
On that bombshell it’s time to end the podcast.
Everyone is looking a bit sheepish.

Moz : Luke was coming over from France and I offered him a place on the boat to say but unfortunately Luke Johnson likes to take 15 showers a week minimum.

Paul : Does he need them?

Moz: Well actually, if you look at Luke that’s not his real skin that’s actually…. His skin’s stripped off – That is a wet suit. And basically he kind of lives in a perpetual state of moisture.

Luke: that’s very interesting assessment there that you have presented for me Moz. Which could quite possibly be on the internet for ever now; for every one to access. If they want to find out all about me they could listen to this and they would listen to your description. Someone might write that in fact as a transcript. Someone might be listening to this and transcribing every word and they are gonna write that down.

Dave: Genesis had a track called The Slipper Man, which I’m picturing now. I always thought about slipper man as somebody wet skinned like a walrus or a seal.

Luke: Really? So you are saying I’m a walrus or a seal!

Alex: Or you might be the eggman.

 

225. Film Club: “Taken”

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This episode is all about the film “Taken” starring Liam Neeson as an ex-CIA agent who uses his ‘particular set of skills’ to save his daughter who is kidnapped while on a trip to Paris. Right-click here to download.

Small Donate ButtonYou might remember hearing me talking about this film in a recent episode of the podcast with my friend Corneliu. Remember that? Well, I’m a little bit obsessed by this film, and I talk about it in my stand-up shows, so I’ve decided to devote this episode just to this subject: The film Taken, starring Liam Neeson.

For ages on LEP I’ve been talking about doing episodes about films. I’ve done some movie themed episodes before, but this is the first episode in what I hope will become a series devoted to some classic moments from cinema history. (What Luke, another series – how many series have you started now? – accents, slang, British Comedy, Your English Podcast)
I’ve decided to call the series “Luke’s Film Club” or LFC. (Not Liverpool Football Club)
I could easily have called it “Luke’s Classic Movie Moments” but my brother thought that sounded too American, which put me off slightly. I quite like “Luke’s Classic Movie Moments” or LCMM, for short, so that is the other name of this series.
So, welcome to “Luke’s Film Club” or LFC, which is also known as Luke’s Classic Movie Moments, or LCMM.

taken-filmIn each episode in this series we’re going to look at a classic moment from the movies, and in this one I’ve decided to focus on “Taken” (2008) starring Liam Neeson. Director: Pierre Morel
Writers: Luc Besson, Robert Mark Kamen.

Plot synopsis: A retired CIA agent travels across Europe and relies on his old skills to save his estranged daughter, who has been kidnapped while on a trip to Paris.

Score on IMDB: 7.9/10
Score on Rotten Tomatoes: 58%

This is not one of the greatest works of cinema history. It’s certainly not Citizen Kane or The Godfather or anything. To be honest, it’s a slightly trashy exploitation thriller which pushsd emotional buttons in order to keep you engaged throughout. It has revived the career of Liam Neeson, who is a great actor with a lot of screen presence and gravity. I think Liam Neeson is one of the greatest actors of his generation. Perhaps his most famous role is from Schindler’s List, but he’s been in plenty of other movies and has worked with some of Hollywood’s top talent, including George Lucas, Ridley Scott and Christpher Nolan. Since making Taken, Neeson has become somewhat typecast as this kind of brooding, revenge obsessed middle aged man. He’s made several sequels (Taken 3 is coming soon) and a couple of other similar films since this one.

Now, why have I chosen to bang on about Taken for a whole episode. Well, if you’ve seen the film, you’ll probably agree that it was a wild ride – it’s a thrilling film, but when you think about it, it’s quite ridiculous, and has some very questionable ethics and undertones of racism. But for some reason we’re all expected to leave our brains at the door, and not think about that stuff too much. It pushes some rather strong emotional buttons, and that makes you ignore the dodgy politics and subtext of the film.

I expect a lot of you have seen it because it was a big hit around the world, but many of you won’t have seen it. If you haven’t seen it then don’t worry – I’ll explain the plot and other details you need to know. I should say “Spoiler alert” at this moment – which is something you say before you give away the details of the plot before people have seen it. Don’t worry though, because in my opinion it’s impossible for me to spoil this film. Honestly, it can’t be spoiled. If you’ve seen the trailer for the film you’ll know exactly what happens, and it’s still enjoyable. In fact, the title of the film tells you all you need to know: “Taken” – his daughter is taken (kidnapped) and he does everything he can to get her back. That’s it. It’s a ride, with very few surprises along the way. It does exactly what it says on the tin.
“It does exactly what it says on the tin”

So in this episode we’re going to hear a classic moment from this film, and then I’m going to give you my viewpoint on the film as a whole, and then we’ll go back to analyse some of the language in the classic scene.

You might be thinking: Luke, you’re thinking about it too much. Don’t over-analyse it. Well, I find it hard to leave my brain at the door when I see films and I don’t think I should. Why should I stop thinking when I see a film? No, I like to analyse and intellectualise films, and I LOVE to intellectualise trashy movies like this one. One of my favourite things is to sit around with friends and just take the piss out of a film while watching it. I studied films at university and I learned that any film can be analysed as a text and that everyone is free to take their own interpretation of a movie. I also love talking about films and popular culture in my stand-up routines and I find that they’re a great source of comedy.

So let’s deal with Taken.

1. The classic moment: “I will find you, and I will kill you.”

2. Taken: My point of view (it’s a rant really)

3. Intonation & Sentence stress from the classic scene. (plus some versions in different accents)

The Classic Moment -“I will find you, and I will kill you”
Liam Neeson is a retired CIA agent. While his daughter is on holiday in Paris she is kidnapped. He manages to speak to one of them on his mobile phone. This is his only opportunity to speak to the kidnappers and then save his daughter.

The speech

I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.

[after a long pause] Good luck.

Taken Kill Map

Here’s a review of “Taken” from my favourite film review podcast Mark Kermode & Simon Mayo’s Film Review.

224. Pronunciation: Verb Tenses & Connected Speech

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This episode focuses on how sentences are pronounced quickly by native speakers. This is invaluable knowledge which will help you to take your listening and your pronunciation to the next level! Right-click here to download.

Small Donate ButtonThis is the episode I promised to record at the end of episode 176. In that episode I focused on the major verb tenses in English and I explained their meaning and uses. This episode is the sequel to that one, and it focuses specifically on the pronunciation of sentences containing a range of verb tenses.

You know when you hear a native speaker talking quite quickly? It sounds like all the words are joined together, or some of the words are being swallowed or something. It’s difficult to understand them, or to pick out every single word. Sometimes it’s hard to identify subtle differences between verb tenses. Well, just like in any language, English has features of connected speech which make it sound like whole sentences are just long words with all the sounds connected together. I want to help to demystify this for you. I want to help you to understand connected speech in English. It’ll help your listening comprehension, and it will improve your pronunciation too. So, let’s look at these features of fluent English pronunciation, focusing on sentences containing various verb tenses.

Here are the features of pronunciation I focus on in this episode
– Linking (consonant to consonant, consonant to vowel and vowel to vowel linking)
– Elision of sounds (some sounds are ‘elided’ or removed when consonants link together)
– Intrusive sounds (sometimes vowels are linked to other vowels with intrusive sounds like /j/ or /w/)
– Weak forms and ‘schwa’ sounds /ə/ (in unstressed syllables and unstressed words in sentences)
– Sentence stress (the rhythm of a sentence)

Here are the sentences I repeat in this episode
Listen carefully, and try to repeat them after me. Try to focus on the natural way I say the sentences, and try to notice the features of connected speech I’m highlighting. Don’t forget the meaning of the sentences. For an episode which deals with the meaning & use of these different tenses, click here to listen to episode 176.

Present simple
I teach English at a university, and I’m teaching first year students of law at the moment.

Present continuous
I’m from London, but at the moment I’m living in Paris.
I teach English at a university, and I’m teaching first year students of law at the moment.

Past simple
(for) I lived in West London for a long time.
(sequence of finished actions) My Dad was promoted and got a job in the midlands, so we moved there, and stayed for many years. I went to university in Liverpool and lived there for 4 years, and then I moved back to Warwickshire.

Past continuous
I’d finished uni and I was working in a pub, not really going anywhere.
It was while I was living in London that I came up with the idea of launching an amazing podcast for learners of English
.
I was walking down the street and this guy came up to me and started talking, but I couldn’t understand him

Used to do vs.
Get used to doing
– It used to be quite difficult, because I couldn’t speak the language but I’m getting used to it now.

Present perfect
I’ve been up the Eiffel Tower. I’ve visited Notre Dame. I’ve been to Shakespeare and Company. I’ve tried lots of delicious French wine, but I still haven’t done everything.
Today I’ve drunk a bit too much coffee so I’m pretty hyperactive. Normally I drink tea, but more recently I’ve been drinking coffee. I’ve had about 9,000 cups already today.

Present perfect continuous
I’ve been doing lots of comedy. I’ve been doing lots of gigs.
I’ve been working at the university.
I’ve been recording episodes of the podcast
I’ve hardly had time to sit down and just read my book in silence.

Past perfect
That’s when I decided to become an English teacher.
I’d finished uni and I was working in a pub, not really going anywhere.
When I first came here, I’d never visited Paris before, but my girlfriend had told me a lot about it, so I was kind of prepared.
Past perfect continuous
As well as studying at university and college, I’d also been playing in lots of bands over the past few years, but it hadn’t really worked out, so I needed to think of something else to do.

Going to / present continuous
We’re going to visit New York next month
– I might do a special report from New York
– We’re going to stay in an AirBnB apartment that we’ve found
– We’re planning the trip at the moment.
– We’re flying there in the middle of April. It’s going to be good.

Future with will (not plans, but judgements, opinions, predictions)
Who knows, maybe the LEPPERS will one day rise up.
Hopefully it’ll last. Hopefully they’ll take me on again.
England will probably win.
We probably won’t win. I imagine it will be someone like Spain or Brazil.
1st Conditional
We probably won’t get to the final, but if we do it’ll be amazing.
Who knows what I’ll be doing
Hopefully I’ll still be recording episodes of LEP

Future perfect
Hopefully, I will have done many more episodes of LEP and perhaps I will have expanded my work online in some way.
Future perfect continuous (in a 1st Conditional structure, no less!)
If I’m still doing Luke’s English Podcast , I will have been doing LEP for 15 years.

Future perfect continuous passive!
I will have been being listened to for 10 years (!!!)

Please consider donating to lepra.org.uk

5 Replies

Screen Shot 2014-10-11 at 00.40.58Hi everyone,

For a while now, we’ve been using the word LEPPERS to refer to fans of Luke’s English Podcast. It’s quite a catchy word and people keep using it, including me of course. However, I think it’s quite important that you are aware that the word also has another meaning.

Yesterday I donated money to a charity called Lepra. Their mission is to help people trapped by disease, poverty and prejudice and much of their work focuses on areas in India and Bangladesh where many people suffer from one of the world’s oldest diseases: leprosy. People who suffer from leprosy are traditionally known as lepers. So, that’s the other meaning of that word – a leper is someone who suffers from leprosy.

I just thought you should know that the word has this other, rather serious and sombre meaning.

I’ve always known this, and I always assumed that my listeners knew it too. In fact, I’ve always been pretty sure that I mentioned the meaning of the word leper some time ago on the podcast. In fact, when I first used the word LEPPER I was looking for a catchy title for listeners to the podcast. “Luke’s English Podcast People or LEPPERS” – it made me laugh although I didn’t mean it to be a joke, it was more a coincidence, but the name stuck and now people keep using it all the time, including me.

I never planned it to be a sick joke or anything like that. I’m not making fun of anyone by allowing my listeners to call themselves LEPPERS. I’m not taking the mickey out of you and certainly not out of sufferers of the disease. That’s not what LEP is all about, as you know.

In fact, I think it’s completely appropriate for me to use this opportunity to ask all of my listeners/fans/readers/followers to strongly consider donating to lepra.org.uk. Your donations can help make a huge difference to the lives of many people suffering from not only leprosy but numerous other diseases and hardships. If you’d like to make a donation, it’s simple. Just visit http://lepra.org.uk and click the big yellow “donate” button. You could save lives and make a huge difference. Please consider it.

Also, I don’t think we should stop referring to each others as LEPPERS, but it’s completely up to you. If you’d rather not use it – that’s cool, but if you think it’s okay because it’s actually another word, with a different spelling, then go ahead and keep using it. Personally I think it’s okay as long as you’re aware of the double meaning. I just hope that now you’re all completely clued-up about the other meaning of this word.

That’s it for now. Thanks for reading. Have a nice weekend.

Luke

223. YEP! Competition Winners

24 Replies

YEP Competition Results, news and some rambling about mosquitoes and TV documentaries about ghosts. Right-click here to download.

Small Donate ButtonWelcome back to Luke’s English Podcast. Over the course of this episode you are going to find out the results of the YEP Competition which I launched this summer.

In case you’ve forgotten the details, or you’ve been living under a rock for the last two months, here is a re-cap of has happened so far in the competition. I launched it in August as a way to celebrate the 5th birthday and 200 episodes of LEP. I thought – it’s time for another competition! So I did a bit of planning and scheming, and came up with the idea of “Your English Podcast”, which I launched in episode 200. I invited listeners to send me up to 5 minutes of audio, as if they were recording a portion of their own English podcast. I had no idea how many people would enter but in the end I got about 80 recordings. Then I realised, “oh my goodness, that’s about 8 hours of podcast time! What am I going to do?” In the end I just broadcast them all, in a mini-series entitled Your English Podcast. If you’ve managed to listen to them all you’ll have heard people from around the world telling us about themselves. There was a range of different voices from different parts of the globe and personally I found it quite inspiring and even touching to listen to. Admittedly it was quite a long series and you may have struggled to keep up with it all. In fact, you might have just skipped them entirely – that’s your choice, it’s a free country (depending on which country you’re in) but when it comes to LEP you’re free to do whatever you want and that includes skipping over the YEP episodes if you choose to, although I hope that you didn’t do that because I think there’s plenty of value in hearing non-native speakers speaking English from time to time, and anyway, it was an international celebration! After uploading all the competition entries my website exploded with comments & votes, which suggests that the competition was a bit of a hit with most people. Voting ended at the end of last month, leaving me with a bit of counting to do. I’ve done that, and now it’s time to publish the results, and that’s what you’re going to get in this episode.
– Winners of each group
– The numbers of votes cast
– The overall winner of the whole competition
– What’s going to happen next?
– Some general news

The first thing I’d like to say is that everyone’s a winner.
I know this is a competition, and therefore there have to be winners and losers, but for me it’s like cricket – it’s not the winning, it’s the taking part, and I think everyone took part magnificently.
Well done for plucking up the courage to enter in the first place.
I’m really impressed by everyone and it’s actually really touching to hear from you all. It brings home to me the fact there are loads of actual human beings listening to my words, and engaging with my episodes.
I’m also really impressed by the number of votes cast. 666 votes in total! (This means absolutely nothing) That’s an average of about 85 votes per episode.

Here are the results for each group (in ascending order):
Episode 1
9th place: Arturo from Mexico & Ashish from India – 0 votes – Chin up guys ;)
7th place: Artur from Kazakstan & Alexis from Canary Islands – 1 vote
6th place: Adam from Poland – 4 votes
5th place: Bella from Russia – 5 votes
4th place: Bruno from Brazil – 10 votes
3rd place: Alexander from Russia – 21 votes
2nd place: Anna from Ukraine – 24 votes
1ST PLACE: ARITZ FROM SPAIN – 26 VOTES – Congratulations Aritz!

listen to ‘Aritz from Spain – YEP! Competition Entry’ on audioBoom

Episode 2
9th place: Dega from Mexico & Eliza from Finland – 0 votes – No worries Dega, and Eliza wasn’t taking part anyway so no hard feelings ;)
7th place: Dmitry from Russia & Charley from Sri Lanka – 1 vote
6th place: Daniel from Poland – 2 votes
5th place: Chriss from Mexico – 3 votes
3rd place: Daniele from Italy & Dharmendra from India – 5 votes
2nd place: Edgar from Brazil – 6 votes
1ST PLACE: EDGAR FROM MEXICO – 100 votes – It’s a landslide victory!

listen to ‘Edgar from Mexico – YEP! Competition Entry’ on audioBoom

Episode 3
8th place: Enrique from Spain, Gerald from France/Belgium & Gudu from Ethiopia – 0 votes – commiserations guys!
6th place: Evgeny from Russia & Gabriella from Italy – 1 vote each
5th place: Gabriela from Brazil – 5 votes
4th place: Eugenia from Romania – 7 votes
3rd place: Gabor from Hungary – 9 votes
2nd place: Guillaume from Switzerland – 10 votes
1ST PLACE: GIOVANNI FROM ITALY – 33 votes – congratulations!

listen to ‘Giovanni from Italy – YEP! Competition Entry’ on audioBoom

Episode 4
10th place: Irul from Indonesia – 0 votes – You’re still awesome Irul!
8th place: Harvey from Colombia & Hydy from India – 1 vote each
6th place: Hien from Vietnam & Irina from Russia – 3 votes each
4th place: Hiroshi from Japan & Ivan from Russia – 4 votes each
3rd place: Ivan from Indonesia – 20 votes
2nd place: Hamid from Pakistan – 26 votes
1ST PLACE: JAVIER FROM SPAIN – 35 votes – Well done!

listen to ‘Javier from Spain (+kids) – YEP! Competition Entry’ on audioBoom

Episode 5
10th place: Jiang from China – 0 votes – sorry mate!
9th place: June from Korea – 2 votes
7th place: Jose from Chile & Krissy from Germany – 3 votes
6th place: Luciana from Brazil – 4 votes
5th place: Klenisson from Brazil – 5 votes
4th place: Konstantin from Russia – 7 votes
3rd place: Lulu from Taiwan – 8 votes
2nd place: Ksenia from Russia – 11 votes
1ST PLACE: KEVSER FROM TURKEY – 32 votes – well done, you smashed it!

listen to ‘Kevser from Turkey’ on audioBoom

Episode 6
9th place: Olga from Russia & Pavel from Russia – 0 votes – don’t let it bring you down!
8th place: Morela from Italy – 1 vote
6th place: Mario from Italy & Nacho from Spain – 3 votes
5th place: Magda from Poland – 4 votes
4th place: Pedro from Peru – 8 votes
3rd place: Nikolai from Russia – 13 votes
2nd place: Oleksander from Ukraine/Denmark – 21 votes
1ST PLACE: MAX FROM ITALY – 38 – give yourself a pat on the back!

listen to ‘Max from Italy’ on audioBoom

Episode 7
9th place: Poom from Thailand & Shaimaa from Egypt – 0 votes – better luck next time guys!
8th place: Terry from Hong Kong – 1 vote
6th place: Tomas from Germany & Renata from Russia – 2 votes each [Renata from Russia – I’m so sorry for not mentioning your name in this episode! Please forgive me!]
5th place: Renato from Brazil – 4 votes
4th place: Ventakesh from India – 5 votes
3rd place: Sergey from Russia – 7 votes
2nd place: Sasha from Russia – 26 votes
1ST PLACE: PHIL FROM ITALY – 42 votes – it’s a runaway victory!

listen to ‘Phil from Italy’ on audioBoom

Episode 8
5th place: Yuri from Brazil – 3 votes
4th place: Wilkson from Brazil – 4 votes
3rd place: Yaron from Israel – 6 votes
2nd place: Yayang from Indonesia – 12 votes
1ST PLACE: YANNICK FROM SWITZERLAND – 13 votes – Congrat-YOU-lations!

listen to ‘Yannick from Switzerland’ on audioBoom

Let’s not forget: Zdenek from Czech Rep. (not competing) and Alex from Russia – 2 votes (but he was too late I’m afraid)

WINNERS’ GROUP
8th place: Yannick from Switzerland – 13 votes
7th place: Aritz from Spain – 26 votes
6th place: Kevser from Turkey – 32 votes
5th place: Giovanni from Italy – 33 votes
4th place: Javier from Spain – 35 votes
3rd place: Max from Italy – 38 votes
2nd place: Phil from Italy – 42 votes
1ST PLACE: EDGAR FROM MEXICO – 100 votes

What’s the Next Step?
I’ll speak to each runner-up for up to 10 minutes.
The winner gets up to 30 minutes.
Winners – I’ll contact you by email to arrange a time for a conversation.
Eventually, when I’ve recorded all the conversations I’ll publish them in a couple of episodes.
So – winners, check your inboxes and start thinking about things you might like to say to the people of the world.
Listeners – feel free to write questions in comments. I’ll be glad to ask your questions to our winners.

Remember – it’s not really about winning or losing. Everyone’s a winner in my book!

My Dad listened to the competition episodes and he was quite moved by it! I’m quite proud because he sent me this email.

A Message from my Dad:

Dear Luke,

I have just spent the past hour listening to your latest episode of YEP, featuring contributions from listeners from Brazil, Switzerland, Russia, Indonesia etc. It is truly INCREDIBLE that you have created this international community. Yes it’s a fan club, but it is much more than that. The listeners clearly use it as an English learning resource, and the idea of entertaining while educating works well. But it is also an international society, where peace and understanding is a theme.

I think your podcasts – 5 years on – are really terrific, and I hope that your two jobs and everything else will not prevent you from keeping the service going. Well done you!!

Dad

That’s nice, isn’t it. It’s always quite satisfying to get some validation from your old man. (By the way – in case you were wondering, it’s quite normal for a son to call his father his “old man” and it’s not an insult – in fact, it’s quite a familiar and informal way to refer to your Dad)

Possible Controversy
There might be a little bit of controversy following the release of these results. There normally is a bit of disagreement related to this kind of thing, and it’s to be expected. Here are some of the things I expect might arise:
– Someone might demand a recount. If you believe I’ve miscounted the votes, then feel free to count all the votes again if you’ve got the time! Then you can leave a message with an appeal for a recount. It may be possible that I’ve miscounted by one vote here or there, so I don’t think it will make a huge difference to the final results.
–
If you would like to appeal and demand a re-count, go ahead!
I will take any controversy with a pinch of salt.

In Other News
The academic year has started again and I have rather a busy schedule. In fact, I should be planning my classes now, not doing this. I’ve got kids classes and everything. I’m a bit stressed about this. I shouldn’t be, but I just keep remembering my stressful experiences teaching children in Japan, but that was over 10 years ago at the beginning of my career. Anyway, one thing’s for sure, I’m going to be even busier this year.
This may affect the frequency with which I can upload episodes, which is a bit frustrating. Of course, I have loads of ideas up my sleeve and I do not plan to stop. If I go a bit quiet – you’ll know why. I’m just dealing with a workload. Oh yes, and I’ve got a wedding to prepare in July as well!

I got bitten by a mosquito two nights running. That was annoying. What happens to mosquitoes in the winter? Click here for the answer to that question: Mosquitoes in the Cold. (Thank you to LEPPER Fafi Gutierrez)

Audioboo has become Audioboom. As far as I can see it’s just an image makeover, with a new logo, but the actual service is pretty much the same with a few small improvements. They have a new app on the App Store. At the moment it’s just for iPhone. It’s a much better app than before, but I haven’t used it much. Anyway, I’ll now be calling it Audioboom not Audioboo.

There’s an issue with my RSS feed. They have a limit of 200 items. I have more than that. So, on iTunes some of the early episodes do not show up, which is annoying. If you’re new to the podcast – go to teacherluke.co.uk to find a full archive of all the older episodes.

The podcast has been listened to over 2,000,000 times since I moved to Audioboom about 10 months ago.
That seems incredible – but let’s consider that number at bit more carefully.
I have over 200 episodes on Audioboom, so on average that’s about 10,000 listens per episode. It’s not that many listens compared to some teachers on YouTube. Perhaps I should be on YouTube, because there’s a much bigger audience there. But, this is an audio podcast, not a video one. I’ve said before that I prefer audio, at the moment. Audio is more flexible – you can listen to it anywhere, even while you’re doing something else. It’s quite intimate and I feel like it’s good for the brain because it allows you to picture in your mind’s eye what I’m explaining, without being captivated by visual stimulus. Also, I love radio and I feel there’s a certain romance and intimacy in radio. Also, it is much easier and less time-consuming for me to make audio podcasts. So, with a busy schedule – audio is the best way. For now, those YouTube teachers will get more views than me, but here I am, rocking the airwaves, doing my thing on the podcast, with my awesome clan of listeners. And, 2m listens in a year is really rather a big deal. As I’ve said before though, I feel like this is just the beginning of what I can achieve. I intend to do more with this thing I’ve got going on here.

Going back to that 2m listens statistic – the other thing that I don’t know is how many of those are people who are fully engaged from the start to the end of each episode. I expect there are a lot of people who are subscribed to me on iTunes, and their computer downloads the episodes automatically, but they’re not actually listening. Those will still count as ‘listens’ in my stats. Also, some of those numbers will be people who listen a little bit before deciding that they don’t want to listen any more. So, I don’t know how many are complete listens and incomplete listens.

Well, those of you who listen to every episode from start to finish – you know who you are. You’re the LEPPERS, and you’re an awesome gang of ninjas, who abide by the code of LEP. I don’t know what that code is to be honest, because I’ve never written it down. I think it’s an unspoken code of secret principles based on a love of ice-cream, English, stand-up comedy and dub reggae. Something like that.

You can’t please all the people all the time, so sometimes the only person I can please is myself. As long as I’m happy doing this then I’ll have a sense that my audience can be happy with it too.

Small Donate ButtonThank you for taking part in this competition. It’s been amazing. Thank you for your entries, for all your votes, and for your support. Thank you in particular if you have recently donated to the podcast. You are personally keeping this podcast going. Without donations I can’t justify doing it. 5 years of my life have gone into this. It would be awful if I realise one day that the whole thing has been a waste of my time and I’ve neglected my career or other aspects of my life because I’ve thrown so much energy into LEP. Do help to prevent that from happening by offering a donation to pay me back for my hard work. As a business model, that’s the best I can do right now. If you don’t want to do that, or can’t – no worries! There’s no obligation, but do consider where all this stuff is coming from – a lot of the time that’s the bottom of my heart.

Ok, that’s enough of that!

BE EXCELLENT TO ONE ANOTHER AND PARTY ON!!!