31. Hello! / Argument Sketch

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Some vocabulary and a listening transcript for the argument sketch are provided below. Learn English vocabulary (phrasal verbs, natural expressions, idioms, commonly used British English) and grammar (hopefully not boring) by listening to this podcast. Practise listening by playing the podcast on your iPod or computer. Develop awareness of pronunciation by repeating what you hear and recording yourself. Listening regularly is vital for the development of your English – so listen to Luke’s English Podcast, enjoy yourself and have fun!

In this podcast:

  • Some news from me – Why haven’t I uploaded a podcast for a while? I’ve been a bit busy… (some vocabulary is defined below)
  • Listen to a comedy sketch about two people having an argument (transcript below)

Here is some vocabulary from the ‘news’ section of the podcast:

“I’m in a bit of a rush” – in a rush means in a hurry. I’ve got lots of things to do, and not much time to do them, so I’m doing everything quickly. I’m in a bit of a rush.

“My little handheld mp3 recorder” – handheld is an adjective to describe something you hold in your hand. E.g. a handheld video camera, a handheld microphone, a handheld device

“I haven’t uploaded a podcast recently” – upload is a verb which means to put a file (a photo, video, music file) onto a website from your computer.

“My little egotistical moment” – egotistical is an adjective which means self-centred, selfish, vain, narcissistic

“Maybe it’s a little self indulgent” – self indulgent is an adjective which means you excessively do things which only please yourself. You indulge in your own desires and interests

“I’m just going to ramble” – to ramble is a verb which means you talk and talk without a particular plan or direction. “Luke just keeps rambling on and on about his podcast, it’s really boring” etc.

“Vocab which comes up will be defined” – vocab means ‘vocabulary’, and comes up is a phrasal verb which means ‘arise’, ‘happen’, ‘be mentioned’. You can use ‘come up’ in many situations, e.g. “An issue about the website came up yesterday in the meeting” – an issue was raised by someone. “A few questions about the IELTS exam came up during the lesson” – during the lesson, some people asked questions about the IELTS exam (and then everyone agreed they should listen to Luke’s English Podcast for good practice)

“It makes it difficult for you to navigate the page” – to navigate is a verb which means to move through something, to find your way through something. You can navigate a ship or a plane too.

“If you’re using the scroll bar on the side of the page to move up and down” – to scroll is a verb which means to move a computer page up, down, left or right. The scroll bar is the tool on the right or bottom of the page which you use to do this.

“Don’t use your cursor to grab the scroll bar” – the cursor is the arrow on-screen which you control with your mouse.

“RSS feed” – this is an internet term which stands for Really Simple Syndication. Basically, it’s a way to publish recently updated content on a website. E.g. when I upload a new episode of the podcast, iTunes uses the RSS feed for my site to access the new podcast.

“If you’re struggling to find content on the page – use iTunes” – to struggle is a verb which means ‘to have difficulty’

“Your subconscious is where English should go” – subconscious is a noun and an adjective. There are two parts of your mind – the conscious (the thoughts you are aware of – like a voice in your head) and the subconscious/unconscious (the thoughts in ‘the back of your head’ which you are not aware of, but which are still very important for making decisions, having opinions etc). For more information have a look at this: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Subconscious

“A stand-up comedian” – this is a comedian with a microphone who stands up in front of an audience and makes them laugh just by talking to them. Like this:

“Dr Who is a household name. Everybody knows him” – a household name is something that everybody knows. The origin of this expression is products which everyone has in their house, so everybody knows them. E.g. Coca-Cola, Corn Flakes, etc. We also say that people can be a household name, if everyone (adults and children) knows who they are

“I bought some graphic novels” – graphic novels means comic books for adults. In Japan comic books are called ‘manga’.

“I’m keeping my fingers crossed” – to keep your fingers crossed means to cross your fingers for good luck (see photo). E.g. “I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you” fingers-crossed

“I think The Beatles are overrated” – overrated is an adjective which means ‘it isn’t as good as everyone says’. E.g. “I think U2 are overrated – they’re really popular and successful, but I think their music is boring”

Monty Python’s Flying Circus – The Argument Sketch (Transcript Below)

Man: Is this the right room for an argument?
Other Man: (pause) I’ve told you once.
Man: No you haven’t!
Other Man: Yes I have.
M: When?
O: Just now.
M: No you didn’t!
O: Yes I did!
M: You didn’t!
O: I did!
M: You didn’t!
O: I’m telling you, I did!
M: You didn’t!
O: Oh I’m sorry, is this a five-minute argument, or the full half hour?
M: Ah! (taking out his wallet and paying) Just the five minutes.
O: Just the five minutes. Thank you.
O: Anyway, I did.
M: You most certainly did not!
O: Now let’s get one thing perfectly clear: I most definitely told you!
M: Oh no you didn’t!
O: Oh yes I did!
M: Oh no you didn’t!
O: Oh yes I did!
M: Oh no you didn’t!
O: Oh yes I did!
M: Oh no you didn’t!
O: Oh yes I did!
M: Oh no you didn’t!
O: Oh yes I did!
M: Oh no you didn’t!
O: Oh yes I did!
M: No you DIDN’T!
O: Oh yes I did!
M: No you DIDN’T!
O: Oh yes I did!
M: No you DIDN’T!
O: Oh yes I did!
M: Oh look, this isn’t an argument!
O: Yes it is!
M: No it isn’t!
M: It’s just contradiction!
O: No it isn’t!
M: It IS!
O: It is NOT!
M: You just contradicted me!
O: No I didn’t!
M: You DID!
O: No no no!
M: You did just then!
O: Nonsense!
M: (exasperated) Oh, this is futile!!
O: No it isn’t!
M: Yes it is!
M: I came here for a good argument!
O: AH, no you didn’t, you came here for an argument!
M: An argument isn’t just contradiction.
O: Well! it CAN be!
M: No it can’t!
M: An argument is a connected series of statement intended to establish a
O: No it isn’t!
M: Yes it is! ’tisn’t just contradiction.
O: Look, if I *argue* with you, I must take up a contrary position!
M: Yes but it isn’t just saying “no it isn’t”.
O: Yes it is!
M: No it isn’t!
O: Yes it is!
M: No it isn’t!
O: Yes it is!
M: No it ISN’T! Argument is an intellectual process. Contradiction is just
the automatic gainsaying of anything the other person says.
O: It is NOT!
M: It is!
O: Not at all!
M: It is!
The Arguer hits a bell on his desk and stops.
O: Thank you, that’s it.
M: (stunned) What?
O: That’s it. Good morning.
M: But I was just getting interested!
O: I’m sorry, the five minutes is up.
M: That was never five minutes!!
O: I’m afraid it was.
M: (leading on) No it wasn’t…..
O: I’m sorry, I’m not allowed to argue any more.
O: If you want me to go on arguing, you’ll have to pay for another five
M: But that was never five minutes just now!
Oh Come on!
Oh this is…
This is ridiculous!
O: I told you…
I told you, I’m not allowed to argue unless you PAY!
M: Oh all right. (takes out his wallet and pays again.) There you are.
O: Thank you.
M: (clears throat) Well…
O: Well WHAT?
M: That was never five minutes just now.
O: I told you, I’m not allowed to argue unless you’ve paid!
M: Well I just paid!
O: No you didn’t!
M: I DID!!!
O: YOU didn’t!
M: I DID!!!
O: YOU didn’t!
M: I DID!!!
O: YOU didn’t!
M: I DID!!!
O: YOU didn’t!
M: I-dbct-fd-tq! I don’t want to argue about it!
O: Well I’m very sorry but you didn’t pay!
M: Ah hah! Well if I didn’t pay, why are you arguing??? Ah HAAAAAAHHH!
O: No you haven’t!
M: Yes I have!
If you’re arguing, I must have paid.
O: Not necessarily.
I could be arguing in my spare time.

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  • Anonymous

    Hello Luke
    I have a transcript for this one!
    Anna Maria

    • Great! I’ve opened a google doc for it. You’ll find the link on the collaboration page.

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  • Rami

    I love it

    Rami from Palestine-Bethlehem