Category Archives: Hello

55. Mini Podcasts Collection 1

My first 7 mini podcasts in one full length episode. Idioms with ‘about’, politics, how to make a perfect cup of tea, a comedy song about badgers and some sentence stress and intonation practice.

Right-click here to download this episode.
Mini-Podcasts – Overview
There are 7 mini podcasts in this episode:

1. Introduction (losing my voice)
I talk about the new mini mobile podcasts and what to expect in the future.

2. Idioms with ‘about’
I teach you some common idioms and expressions using the word ‘about’

3. Government Cuts
At the moment in the UK the government is making large cuts to public spending. What will be the effect of those cuts on the funding of BBC Learning English? Are we going to lose BBC Learning English? This is an example of how we are living in an increasingly connected society where economic conditions in one country immediately effect people in other countries.

4. How to make the perfect cup of tea
I talk to my colleague Richard McNeff about making the perfect cup of tea. Listen closely for language for ‘how to describe a process’ – which is exactly the kind of thing you need to do in an IELTS writing exam.

5. Computer Games
Are games an art form like movies and television? What about the characters, the stories and the graphics?

6. New Guitar
I’ve got a new guitar and I’d like to play you a song. It’s a comedy song – remember that – it is supposed to be funny! So, look for the jokes in the lyrics of the song. The lyrics are printed below:

Bill Bailey – Hats Off To The Zebras (Tribute to Brian Adams)

The horse is a noble beast
From the mustangs of the west
To the stallions of the east
But the horse has a distant cousin
It lives I-do-not-know-where
But it’s message of racial harmony is one that we all can share

Hats off to the zebras
They are black and white
But they don’t fight
‘Cos they’re not very good at it

In a world of confusion
We all need a sign
If only we could live side by side
Like the stripes down a zebras spine

Hats of to the zebras, yeah

The humble badger
Takes a sip of morning dew
He’s totally colourblind
So he can’t judge you

But the badger is a dreamer
The badger has a plan
He knows that his destiny
Is to help his fellow man

Hats off to the badger
He is black and white
But he doesn’t fight
Except for mating rights and territory

Black man and a white man
Both they need to shave
United by the badger brush
He’s helping from beyond the grave

Hats off to the badger
What about the tapeer
Half zebra half pig
Imagine the stig-ma
But the tapeer stands proud
Hats off to the tapeer

Badgers and zebras
Skunks, oh yeah
Little ring-tailed leemurs
Living together in harmony

And if the killer whales can do it, why can’t we?
Tell me why can’t we?

It’s a song about how we can use the examples of black and white animals to learn to live together in racial harmony.

For the the funniest lines are “because they’re not very good at it…” and “except for mating rights and territory”

7. Sentence Stress / Intonation / Get Candy!
In this one I demonstrate the importance of sentence stress and intonation in emphatic speech. Listen to the same text read twice. First time I read with flat intonation. It sounds dull and meaningless. Second time I add emphasis, stress and intonation – it sounds more passionate and meaningful.

Here’s the text below. You should practise listening to it, marking where I pause and emphasize. Then say the text and try to copy the way I do it. Listen to the previous podcast about halloween to head a real comedian reading the text.

So the first time you hear the concept of halloween, when you’re a kid. Do you remember the first time you even heard about it? It’s like, your brain can’t even… “what is this? who’s giving out candy? Someone’s giving out candy? who is giving out this candy? Everyone we know is just giving out candy?? I gotta be a part of this, take me with you, I want to do it, I’ll do anything that they want! I can wear that. I’ll wear anything I have to wear. I’ll do anything I have to do. I will get the candy from these fools, that are so stupidly giving it away!”

17. Hello To My Listeners Around The World

Here are some messages from me to you. This podcast is produced to help people to learn English as a foreign language. It is good listening practice and contains lessons on vocabulary and grammar for general English.

Right-click here to download this episode.
This episode is a chance for me to say hello to all my listeners around the world.

Every day, people from all over the world listen to and download my podcast. Some of them have been my students at The London School of English, but most of them, I have never met. In this podcast I’d like to say hello to you, and to answer some of the comments and questions you have emailed me. This is my chance to try and communicate to you, and ask you some questions.

Coming soon, podcasts about:

More Phrasal Verbs
Passive Verb Forms
British Weather
Narrative Tenses
Dr Who
…and many more!

Here’s a picture of my map which shows me my website visitors come from. Here’s some information for yesterday. We can see that Spain is the winner with 473 page views! (date: 12 June 2014)
Page views 11.06.2014

Episode Transcript

You’re listening to Luke’s English Podcast. For more information visit TeacherLuke.Podomatic.com. Hello everyone and welcome to the podcast. This is Luke and this is a kind of news update and a chance for me to say hello to you and to give you a few messages and also to give you a little bit of news.

I said in the last podcast that I was going to give you something about passive verb forms. Well that is coming. I’m planning it, I’m getting it ready at the moment and it’s nearly finished so that is coming soon.

But I’d like to just give you a little bit of news in this podcast. I’m making some changes to Luke’s English Podcast so from now on it’s going to be a little bit different. Better, I hope.

I hope it will be better. So basically I’m going to try and reduce the length of each podcast. The last one about Michael Jackson was about 71 minutes long which is really really long.

I mean that’s almost like a movie or something, it’s so long. I mean that’s fine. I like doing long podcasts because I can talk about lots of things but I understand that for you, you’re probably very busy and you don’t always have time to listen to a podcast for 70 minutes or something.

I know that you can just pause the podcast and then you know come back to it and keep listening from there but still shorter is better, I think. So I’m going to try and make the podcasts shorter and to do that I’m going to do podcasts in separate parts. So for example I’m going to separate or divide my podcasts.

So for example a feature section will just be one podcast and a language section will be in a separate podcast. So basically before I would do one hour podcasts for example which would include a feature section which is an interview or something and then a language section which would be where I teach you some grammar or vocabulary. But from now I’m just going to do one podcast for the feature section and a separate podcast for the language section.

So you’ll get the same stuff but they will be in separate podcasts. It’s just easier for you to listen that way. So you will still get lots of vocabulary in each podcast even if it’s a feature section.

I’ll still explain all the vocabulary and useful words and things but it means that each podcast will be dedicated to just interviews for example or just phrasal verbs for example or just grammar or just idioms or just an interesting topic. So yeah I’m just going to give you separate podcasts on individual things from now on. For example soon I’m going to do three podcasts on the weather.

Now before that would be just one long podcast but now it’s going to be three separate shorter podcasts. So for example the weather podcast in three sections in three different podcasts will be the first podcast will be an interview with a local Londoner about British weather for example and then the second podcast in the series will be about useful words, useful vocabulary that you can use to describe weather and then the third podcast in the series will be about some weather idioms. So before that would just be one very long podcast but now it’s going to be three separate podcasts.

I hope you understand that. So now I’d like to give you some messages and comments from me to you. If there’s anything I can do just call on me and I’ll send it along with love from me to you.

That’s right it’s from me to you. This podcast is all about you my listeners who are all over the world and now I’d like to just give some messages and comments from me to you. Now my podcast is now more popular than ever.

I had 530 downloads in the last seven days which I think is quite a lot. I’m quite happy with that. Obviously I would like more.

My aim is to get as many listeners as I possibly can and you know I want to get thousands of people listening to this every week. At the moment it’s just over 500 people every week which is quite good I think. Now on my webpage I can see how many people download me every day.

So every time someone downloads or listens to one of my podcasts I can see the download number go up by one every time. So each time that number goes up my happiness level goes up by one every time. So if you can imagine thanks to you I’m feeling pretty happy today.

In fact if you think about it my happiness level has gone up by well 530 which is which is quite good really. So obviously there are other things in my life that make me happy like my band and my music, my friends and family, my football, my job, the comedy programmes and things. But this podcast is my own special project and it’s going quite well so far I think.

Like I said my aim is actually to be the most popular English language podcast on the internet. I know that’s quite difficult because I’m competing with the BBC and with other companies who actually do professional podcasts. But I’m going to keep trying and who knows eventually I might be able to make a business out of this and actually make some money.

But who knows. At the moment I’m doing it just for the fun and just because I enjoy communicating with people around the world and I enjoy teaching. I just think it’s fun and I’m interested in the technology and the possibilities of the internet.

Also I’d quite like to be a radio or TV presenter one day possibly. Who knows. I’m not sure about that but I enjoy doing this podcast.

It’s something that I can control myself. Also on my web page I can see a map which shows me where in the world I am being listened to and downloaded. When I look at the map there are numbers in places all over the world.

So if I look at that map now I can see lots of little numbers all over the world and they show me where I am being listened to and downloaded. It’s amazing really that I can see all these numbers. But when I look at my map I’m always thinking these questions.

I’m always thinking who are all these people? Who are they? What are their names? What do they do? How much do they understand my podcast? Do they find it useful? Does everyone understand my sense of humour? If you think about it I’m looking at the map now and just to give you an idea I’ve got numbers here for downloads in the last week. I’ve got someone in Seattle. There’s 10 people in Arizona.

No 17 people in Arizona. 5 people in Mexico. 17 people in Ohio.

9 people in Massachusetts. That’s just America. In South America I’ve got 3 people in Colombia this week.

4 in Brazil. 3 people in Peru. Someone in Argentina.

In the UK I’ve got loads of people in England. 13 downloads in Oslo. About 10 in France.

Lots nearly 20 or more than 20 in Spain. 10 in Poland. Lithuania.

Turkey. All sorts of places. Let’s see.

Russia. I’m being downloaded in Russia a lot. I mean Russia is a very big country of course so I’ve got lots of people listening all over Russia.

India. Sri Lanka. Thailand.

South Korea. And all over Japan. And it’s amazing.

It’s really amazing. So just thinking about those questions. Who’s listening? Do they understand everything? Is it useful? How do you listen? Do you listen on the internet? Or do you listen on an iPhone for example? I’d be really really happy to hear from you.

From all of these numbers all over the world. At the moment you or the only information I have about you is just a number in a country. I have some information about which web pages you’re using to find me.

A lot of people are finding me through Google. Some people are finding me through the London School of English website. Some people know me because they’ve been my students.

But most of the people here I’ve never met and they’re just numbers on a map. So I’d be really happy to hear from you. I do get messages from lots of listeners.

So now I’d like to say a little hello to some of the people who’ve written messages to me and some of the people I’ve met and who’ve mentioned the podcast to me before. So let’s see in Japan I’d like to say hello to Miho, Kiyoshi, Moto, Fumi and Koyo. Azusa, Keisuke and Saki.

In Korea hello to Jaeho of course. And I’ve got a special message for you Jaeho. Here it is.

In fact two messages for you. Here they are. Okay here’s the first one Jaeho.

All right ready for this? Here it is. So obviously that was Jimi Hendrix singing Hey Joe. Where are you going with that gun in your hand? It wasn’t me singing.

But it’s a special message for you Jaeho if you’re listening. Here’s the next message for you. Okay just a couple of messages for Jaeho there.

Actually that song is the Pussycat Dolls singing Jaeho from the movie Slumdog Millionaire. Just especially for you though Jaeho from Korea if you’re listening. Also hello to Taewook.

Hello to Hannah. Hello to Hera, Changun, Sooyoung. In Thailand hello to Jack.

Hi Melanie and Mint. Hi Debbie and sorry I can’t say your Thai name but Debbie is your English nickname. I hope you can understand that.

That’s all right isn’t it? Hello to Rosa and her students in Spain. Hello to Sverre in Norway if you’re listening and to Toril from Norway as well too. Let’s see.

Hello to Mick in Thailand I think. Mick I’m not sure where you are but thanks very much for the technical advice on my RSS feed that you gave me recently and it’s really helped me quite a lot. Hello to Fabian in Munich and thank you for the advice on the length of the podcasts.

Obviously I’ve taken it into account. I will try to produce more short podcasts for you in the future. Let’s see.

Thanks also recently Fabian for the exciting tips on self-defence that you gave us in Holland Park. Very interesting, exciting. Thanks a lot for those.

Hello to Inna in Ukraine. Thanks very much for the emails and best of luck reaching your advanced level. I’m sure you can do it.

Just keep speaking and listening and reading and writing as much as possible. Hello to Anna. I’m not sure where you are.

Are you in Russia? I’m very glad that you liked the podcast about Susan Boyle and Britain’s Got Talent especially the idioms that I taught you and you’re absolutely right. It is important to get idioms that people regularly use. By the way the idiom that you mentioned in your email which was to turn the air blue that means to use rude language or to swear or to use you know offensive or rude language.

Now it’s a bit old-fashioned that idiom but people do use it to turn the air blue. Blue language means rude language. People do use it.

I mean in fact I heard somebody say that expression on TV recently to turn the air blue. If you say he turned the air blue meant that he swore or he said some rude things, right? But you’re right Anna. It’s important to get idioms that people use regularly.

It’s very hard to teach idioms because there are so many and I’m sure it’s difficult to learn them as well because you don’t know which ones are the good ones, which ones are the bad ones. But they are very important because they help you understand native speakers when they’re talking. A good way to be sure that you’re getting good idioms is to use books which have been published by Oxford University or Cambridge University or Longman for example.

That’s because the editors of those books work very hard to make sure that the language is all useful and real, okay? Hello to Mariano in Argentina. Now Mariano I’m very glad that you think my podcast is funny and useful. I’m also very pleased to be in touch with people in Argentina especially because our countries have had some bad political history over the years.

But of course all of that is water under the bridge now. So it makes me very pleased to be able to get messages from someone in Argentina. Now Mariano has actually recorded a message for me and a message which I’m going to play to you now.

I will also include a script for this message so you know if you want to read what Mariano said I’ll print that on the web page for you. But let’s hear the message that Mariano sent me via email just a few days ago. Here it is.

Here’s Mariano from Argentina. Hi Luke and to all the listeners to the podcast. First of all I would like to thank Luke for the excellent podcast he’s offering to us.

My name is Mariano from Buenos Aires, Argentina. I’m 34. I used to live with my parents and my sister.

I’ve been living alone for six years so I had to get used to doing a lot of new activities such as cooking, cleaning, washing my clothes and so on. I’ve been working at the bank since 1993. Nowadays I’m starting to be an English translator at university and I’m very glad to have decided to begin the course of studies.

In my free time I like listening to music, watching DVDs. My favourite band is the Beatles. I also enjoy listening to Queen, Pink Floyd, Elvis Presley, Eddie Cochran, Barry Halle.

Well the list of artists is huge but I especially prefer the music from the 60s. My favourite Beatle is John Lennon. Some years ago I had the possibility to do a radio programme about the Fab Four that lasted five years and luckily I made a lot of friends who were listeners to the programme.

According to the language I prefer the British accent to the American accent. I feel more comfortable with the British accent but I like to learn the differences between them. Well it’s all for today.

I send regards to all of you. If I made a mistake with grammar or pronunciation please forgive me. I hope to listen to more podcasts of the great Luke and as he says bye bye bye bye bye.

Well thank you very much Mariano. I’m very pleased that you’re liking the podcast. The great Luke.

Well that’s very flattering. Thank you. The great Luke.

I’m quite happy with that. It’s a bit like Great Britain or something isn’t it? Great Luke. Very nice.

Thank you. Yeah anyone who emails me or sends me a message feel free to call me The Great Luke. I could get used to that, certainly.

Let me see. I’m just quite interested in some of the things you said there, Mariano. Let’s see.

It is pretty difficult to get used to living on your own, isn’t it? I mean, cooking, cleaning, washing your clothes, all those domestic chores can be pretty hard to get used to, I guess. I hope you’re managing to keep up with all of that stuff, mate. Good luck with the translation studies.

I’m sure that you’ll do very well if you keep working hard. Sounds like you’re enjoying it. Your favourite band is The Beatles.

Well, I think my favourite band might be The Beatles too. I certainly love their music. Although some of my friends think that The Beatles are only for old people.

Well, I mean, you can think that if you like, if you think The Beatles are just for old people. Personally, I think The Beatles’ music is timeless. It doesn’t matter how old you are, anyone can listen to it and enjoy it.

Let’s see. So you did a radio show about the Fab Four for five years. That’s interesting.

Didn’t you run out of things to say? Well, I suppose there’s plenty of things to say about The Beatles. I mean, I know. I could talk about The Beatles all day if there was someone who wanted to listen to that.

Yeah. Well, anyway, of course you prefer the British accent. It’s much better than the American accent, isn’t it? Well, not really.

I’m just joking, of course. I like the American accent as well, as well as the British accent. Especially American accents like the Brooklyn accent or kind of California surfer kind of accent.

There are lots and lots of different American accents that sound fantastic. In fact, I’m hoping to do a podcast about more different English accents. So, thanks very much, Mariano.

Basically, that’s the end of my podcast. Just to say hello to all the people who listen to this. Yeah.

I hope you’re enjoying them. And don’t forget to email me or send me comments or send me MP3s of you talking. I’ll be glad to play them here.

Also, if you email me, let me know if you would like me to correct you. Now, what Mariano said there was all perfect, actually. He didn’t make any mistakes.

To be honest, his pronunciation is a little bit Spanish, but he is from Argentina. But in terms of the grammar and the vocabulary, I didn’t find any mistakes. So, there’s nothing for me to correct.

So, well done, Mariano. You’re really good. You’re doing very well.

But if someone emails me, just let me know if you want me to correct you, because I can. I will do that for you, if you want. I’m so helpful, aren’t I? Why am I doing it? See, I’m not getting any money.

I’m always talking about money at the end of my podcasts, but it really doesn’t matter to me, actually. It’s not important. OK, so that’s the end of this podcast.

And stay tuned for more podcasts coming soon. In fact, I’m now going to do a podcast about more phrasal verbs, which is related to this because it’s about communication. So, I’m going to teach you some phrasal verbs in the next podcast, which you will be able to download very soon.

But for now, that is the end of this podcast. So, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye. Thanks for listening to Luke’s English Podcast.

Don’t forget to email me at luketeacher at hotmail.com. If you enjoyed this episode of Luke’s English Podcast, consider signing up for Luke’s English Podcast Premium. You’ll get regular premium episodes with stories, vocabulary, grammar and pronunciation teaching from me and the usual moments of humour and fun. Plus, with your subscription, you will be directly supporting my work and making this whole podcast project possible.

For more information about Luke’s English Podcast Premium, go to teacherluke.co.uk/premiuminfo

15. Extra Podcast – 12 Phrasal Verbs

Just a quick podcast today. 12 useful phrasal verbs.

Small Donate ButtonRight-click here to download this episode.

Just a quick podcast today. 12 useful phrasal verbs.
Listen to me read this text which contains 12 phrasal verbs. Can you find them all by listening and reading? I will explain them after you listen.

Here’s the text:
“I haven’t got round to doing another podcast recently. I haven’t been putting it off. It’s just that I’ve been caught up in a lot of other things recently. I haven’t given up on it, and I haven’t run out of ideas. It’s just that all my time is being taken up by other things at the moment. I hope you haven’t gone off my podcast. I also hope you’re holding out for the next episode. You’ll just need to hold on a bit longer for the next one to be uploaded. Don’t forget to let me know how you’re feeling about the podcast. If you’re a bit pissed off that I haven’t uploaded a new one recently, just send me an email to let me know how you feel. Don’t bottle up your feelings – that’s very bad for you. Just tell me any comments you have and I’ll be very happy. I like getting your comments. They always cheer me up.”

So, did you find the 12 phrasal verbs?
Here they all are:

1. To get round to doing something = to do something you haven’t been able to do for some time because you’ve been busy. “I finally got round to doing another podcast yesterday”

2. To put something off = to delay doing something, or to avoid doing something because you don’t want to do it. “I’ve been putting off doing my washing all week, but now I have to do it because I’ve got no clean socks left”

3. To be caught up in something = to be doing something which has stopped you doing something else. “I haven’t been able to do a podcast recently because I’ve been caught up in a lot of other things”

4. To give up on something = to quit doing something because you feel it isn’t going to be a success. “I gave up on being a rock star, because I couldn’t get a recording contract”

5. To run out of something = to use all you have and have nothing left “I ran out of milk last night so I didn’t have enough for a cup of tea this morning” (in England we have milk in our tea – we’re strange aren’t we?)

6. It takes up my time / My time is taken up by it = it uses all my time. “Work is taking up all my time at the moment – I don’t have time to do anything else”

7. To go off something = To stop liking something that you used to like. “I’ve really gone off Brad Pitt – he’s not so handsome anymore” (ladies – is this true? or is he still Mr Wonderful?)

8. To hold out for something = To wait for something that you really want or really need. “Great Britain is holding out for a tennis victory in the Wimbledon tournament this year.”

9. To hold on = wait. “Hold on a minute, I need to put on my shoes”

10. To be pissed off = (quite rude) Angry, annoyed, irritated. “I’m really pissed off with my neighbours – they keep making so much noise at night”

11. To bottle up your feelings = to keep your feelings inside and not say how you feel. “Don’t bottle up your feelings darling – if you have something to say to me, just say it! Do you still love me? Do you? DO YOU?”

12. To cheer someone up = To make someone happy. “John is a bit sick at the moment, so send him a card. It’ll really cheer him up.”

That’s it. Bye for now…

12. Extra Podcast – Quick Hello 3

Another quick “hello” from me and a few other comments.

Small Donate ButtonRight-click here to download this episode.

For a full transcript of this episode, click here.
Another quick podcast to say “hello” and “I am still alive”. I will upload a longer podcast soon – about my trip to Spain, or my band. I haven’t decided the topic yet, but you’ll be able to listen to it soon – I promise!

Thanks for the emails from Mariano and Inna, and to other people around the world who have said hi to me on the webpage (Taewook, Seaisal, Tomo, Kaori, Marsha, Kev).

The comedy sketch for you to listen to, study and enjoy today is from the film Monty Python and The Holy Grail (look here for the Amazon link to the film – you can buy it in your country and watch the whole thing – it’s a classic British comedy and very very funny: Buy Monty Python & The Holy Grail on Amazon.

In the scene, a king talks to his son about all the land he is going to inherit, but the son is not interested – he’d rather sing, and write poetry. He’s not even interested in the beautiful Princess Lucky, whose Father owns the biggest tracts of open land in the islands! Also, the prince is guarded by two very stupid guards… Here’s the script for you to study, and the YouTube video as well. Enjoy!

 

FATHER: One day, lad, all this will be yours!
PRINCE HERBERT: What, the curtains?
FATHER: No. Not the curtains, lad. All that you can see, stretched out over
the hills and valleys of this land! This’ll be your kingdom, lad.
HERBERT: But Mother–
FATHER: Father, lad. Father.
HERBERT: B– b– but Father, I don’t want any of that.
FATHER: Listen, lad. I built this kingdom up from nothing. When I started
here, all there was was swamp. Other kings said I was daft to build a
castle on a swamp, but I built it all the same, just to show ’em. It sank
into the swamp. So, I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. So
I built a third one. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the
swamp. But the fourth one… stayed up! And that’s what you’re gonna get,
lad: the strongest castle in these islands.
HERBERT: But I don’t want any of that. I’d rather–
FATHER: Rather what?!
HERBERT: I’d rather…
[music]
…just… sing!
FATHER: Stop that! Stop that! You’re not going into a song while I’m here.
Now listen, lad. In twenty minutes you’re getting married to a girl whose
father owns the biggest tracts of open land in Britain.
HERBERT: B– but I don’t want land.
FATHER: Listen, Alice,–
HERBERT: Herbert.
FATHER: ‘Erbert. We live in a bloody swamp. We need all the land we can get.
HERBERT: But– but I don’t like her.
FATHER: Don’t like her?! What’s wrong with her?! She’s beautiful. She’s
rich. She’s got huge… tracts of land.
HERBERT: I know, but I want the– the girl that I marry to have…
[music]
…a certain… special… something!
FATHER: Cut that out! Cut that out! Look, you’re marrying Princess Lucky, so
you’d better get used to the idea!
[smack]
Guards! Make sure the Prince doesn’t leave this room until I come and get
him.
GUARD #1: Not to leave the room even if you come and get him.
GUARD #2: Hic!
FATHER: No, no. Until I come and get him.
GUARD #1: Until you come and get him, we’re not to enter the room.
FATHER: No, no. No. You stay in the room and make sure he doesn’t leave.
GUARD #1: And you’ll come and get him.
GUARD #2: Hic!
FATHER: Right.
GUARD #1: We don’t need to do anything, apart from just stop him entering the
room.
FATHER: No, no. Leaving the room.
GUARD #1: Leaving the room. Yes.
[sniff]
FATHER: All right?
GUARD #1: Right.
GUARD #2: Hic!
FATHER: Right.
GUARD #1: Oh, if– if– if– uhh– if– if– w– ehh– i– if– if we–
FATHER: Yes? What is it?
GUARD #1: Oh, i– if– i– oh–
FATHER: Look, it’s quite simple.
GUARD #1: Uh…
FATHER: You just stay here, and make sure ‘e doesn’t leave the room. All
right?
GUARD #2: Hic!
FATHER: Right.
GUARD #1: Oh, I remember. Uhh, can he leave the room with us?
FATHER: N– no no. No. You just keep him in here, and make sure he–
GUARD #1: Oh, yes. We’ll keep him in here, obviously. But if he had to
leave and we were with him–
FATHER: No, no, no, no. Just keep him in here–
GUARD #1: Until you, or anyone else–
FATHER: No, not anyone else. Just me.
GUARD #1: Just you.
GUARD #2: Hic!
FATHER: Get back.
GUARD #1: Get back.
FATHER: All right?
GUARD #1: Right. We’ll stay here until you get back.
GUARD #2: Hic!
FATHER: And, uh, make sure he doesn’t leave.
GUARD #1: What?
FATHER: Make sure ‘e doesn’t leave.
GUARD #1: The Prince?
FATHER: Yes. Make sure ‘e doesn’t leave.
GUARD #1: Oh, yes, of course.
GUARD #2: Hic!
GUARD #1: Ah. I thought you meant him. You know, it seemed a bit daft me
havin’ to guard him when he’s a guard.
FATHER: Is that clear?
GUARD #2: Hic!
GUARD #1: Oh, quite clear. No problems.
FATHER: Right. Where are you going?
GUARD #1: We’re coming with you.
FATHER: No, no. I want you to stay here and make sure ‘e doesn’t leave.
GUARD #1: Oh, I see. Right.
HERBERT: But Father!
FATHER: Shut your noise, you! And get that suit on!
[music]
And no singing!
GUARD #2: Hic!
FATHER: Oh, go and get a glass of water.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3YiPC91QUk&hl=en&fs=1&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00]

10. Extra Podcast – Quick Hello 2

Just a quick “hello” from me and a chance to practise your listening skills with a funny comedy sketch. Full transcript available below.

Small Donate ButtonRight-click here to download this episode.

Full transcript to this episode
10 Extra Podcast – Quick Hello 2

You are listening to Luke’s English podcast. For more information visit teacherLuke.podomatic.com.

Hello, you are listening to Luke’s English podcast. This is not a full episode today.

This is just a quick message to say “hello” to everyone and to let you know that I am going on holiday for about five days. I am going to Spain, Alicante in the South of Spain to go rock climbing with some friends. So, I’ll be on holiday for a few days which means that I won’t be uploading another full podcast for about another week. I’ve got one prepared. It’s half finished but it’s not ready to be uploaded onto the internet, yet. So I’ll load that up when I get back from my holiday. It was my birthday yesterday and I had a little celebration down next to the river in a pub which is close to my house and some of my friends came and joined me and we had a few drinks and stuff and that was really great fun. I am on holiday from work for two weeks, now. So five or so of these days we’ll spend in Spain rock climbing. I’m looking forward to it very much. It’s gonna be great.
So this podcast is just a little extra message, just to kind of let you know that a new full podcast will be uploaded soon. So don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten about everyone and I haven’t forgotten to upload one. It’s just that I am busy having fun on holiday. Now I thought that just to give you something to listen to and to enjoy and to study while you wait for the next podcast, I would play you a little comedy clip. The comedy clip that I am gonna play you is by a comedy group from the UK called: Monty Python’s Flying Circus. – Now you might have heard of them. Let’s see – probably the most famous member of the group is John Cleese. And John Cleese is an actor who – he was in some James Bond movies as Q, the guy who gives James Bond all these machines and weapons and things and he is also in a very successful comedy called Fawlty Towers which is probably the most famous thing he’s ever done. But Monty Python’s Flying Circus was a group of comedians who came out of Oxford and Cambridge universities joined together to make one of the best and one of the most influential comedy programmes on television here in the UK. Everyone knows Monty Python and everyone loves them here and they are very, very popular. So I am going to play you a little comedy scene that they did. They performed it live at the Drury Lane theatre and I think 1974 – the title of this sketch is called The Four Yorkshire Men. Now a Yorkshire man is just a man who comes from Yorkshire.
Yorkshire is an area in the north of England, okay?
And basically the kind of comedy or the funny part of this sketch is….well, the fact that these four Yorkshire men basically are sitting together – if you can imagine – they are sitting together, drinking some very expensive wine because now, they are rich. They are old and rich, now. But they didn’t use to be rich. When they were children, and when they were growing up, they all had very, very difficult lives and they all were working-class-men who had to work very, very hard in a difficult life in order to get rich.
So, one of the things about this is that, when old men like that get together, they always talk about how hard their lives were in the past and how it’s really easy for young people, nowadays. And typically men like that will say things like, you know: The kids today don’t know they are born. Life is much easier for them than it was for us. They just don’t know, they are born. Or for example if they told a younger person how difficult their lives were, they might say things like: You tell the kids of today that and they won’t believe you, right? So it’s kind of typical things that old men say when they’re complaining about how their lives were very hard in the past and how young people’s lives now were easy in comparison.
And the conversation that they have is, they talk about how, when they were younger in their lives were so hard and they describe the difficult conditions that they had to live in when they were growing up.
But as they all talk about it, it becomes like a competition because they all have to describe a much harder life. So, if one says that he had to….for example, you know …when he drank tea..because they had no electricity he had to drink cold tea. And the other one would say: You were lucky, cold tea, you were lucky. We used to have to drink old water out of a rolled up newspaper.
So, they were kind of trying to explain they had much harder lives. And it is like a competition. Anyway, I think it’s very funny and you can listen to it here on the webpage. I’ll post a script of the sketch, so you can read that and understand it and hopefully enjoy it. And I will upload another podcast for you very soon and you can look forward to that.
So, thank you very much and I will speak to you again, soon.
Thank you!
Bye, bye, bye, bye!

Monty Python’s Flying Circus – The Four Yorkshiremen – Live at Drury Lane 1974 (buy the CD here)

FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
Aye, very passable, that, very passable bit of risotto.
SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:
Nothing like a good glass of Château de Chasselas, eh, Josiah?
THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
You’re right there, Obadiah.
FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
Who’d have thought thirty year ago we’d all be sittin’ here drinking Château de Chasselas, eh?
FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
In them days we was glad to have the price of a cup o’ tea.
SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:
A cup o’ cold tea.
FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
Without milk or sugar.
THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
Or tea.
FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
In a cracked cup, and all.
FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
Oh, we never had a cup. We used to have to drink out of a rolled up newspaper.
SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:
The best we could manage was to suck on a piece of damp cloth.
THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
But you know, we were happy in those days, though we were poor.
FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
Because we were poor. My old Dad used to say to me, “Money doesn’t buy you happiness, son”.
FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
Aye, he was right.
FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
Aye, he was.
FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
I was happier then and I had nothin’. We used to live in this tiny old house with great big holes in the roof.
SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:
House! You were lucky to live in a house! We used to live in one room, all twenty-six of us, no furniture, half the floor was missing, and we were all huddled together in one corner for fear of falling.
THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
Eh, you were lucky to have a room! We used to have to live in the corridor!
FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
Oh, we used to dream of livin’ in a corridor! Would have been a palace to us. We used to live in an old water tank on a rubbish tip. We got woke up every morning by having a load of rotting fish dumped all over us! House? Huh.
FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
Well, when I say ‘house’ it was only a hole in the ground covered by a sheet of tarpaulin, but it was a house to us.
SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:
We were evicted from our hole in the ground; we had to go and live in a lake.
THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
You were lucky to have a lake! There were a hundred and fifty of us living in a shoebox in the middle of road.
FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
Cardboard box?
THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
Aye.
FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
You were lucky. We lived for three months in a paper bag in a septic tank. We used to have to get up at six in the morning, clean the paper bag, eat a crust of stale bread, go to work down the mill, fourteen hours a day, week-in week-out, for sixpence a week, and when we got home our Dad would thrash us to sleep with his belt.
SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:
Luxury. We used to have to get out of the lake at six o’clock in the morning, clean the lake, eat a handful of hot gravel, work twenty hour day at mill for tuppence (two pence) a month, come home, and Dad would thrash us to sleep with a broken bottle, if we were lucky!
THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
Well, of course, we had it tough. We used to have to get up out of shoebox at twelve o’clock at night and lick road clean with tongue. We had two bits of cold gravel, worked twenty-four hours a day at mill for sixpence every four years, and when we got home our Dad would slice us in two with bread knife.
FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
Right. I had to get up in the morning at ten o’clock at night half an hour before I went to bed, drink a cup of sulphuric acid, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad and our mother would kill us and dance about on our graves singing Hallelujah.
FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
And you try and tell the young people of today that ….. they won’t believe you.
ALL:
They won’t!

Okay, I hope you understood that. I am sure that they will be things that you didn’t understand and in that case, you should go to the webpage. You can read a script of everything they are saying and if there are words that you don’t understand, you can check those words in the dictionary and that will help you. Another thing about that sketch is .because they are all Yorkshire men, they are speaking in a Yorkshire accent. So, you know all sorts of speaking are a bit like this.

In those days we were happy even though we were poor
So, that’s the sort of typical Yorkshire accent, I suppose.
If you are actually listening to this and you are from Yorkshire, I apologize if my Yorkshire accent wasn’t very good.
So, anyway, right! So, check the webpage. You can read this script there and it’ll help you to understand it. That’s the end of this short podcast and I will speak to you again soon.
Take care! Bye, bye, bye, bye

4. Extra Podcast – Quick Hello

Transcript available below.

Right click here to download this episode.
Hi, this is just a quick extra podcast to say hello and to let you know there are more podcasts coming soon. Also in this episode you can listen to a comedy sketch about speaking English. More information and a transcript for the comedy sketch below…

I’m preparing episodes 4, 5 & 6 at the moment and I’ll upload them soon. Episode 4 is about Joaquin Phoenix, with a language section about beliefs and opinions. Episode 5 is about men and women, and episode 6 is about vampires! with a language section on describing feelings and emotions.

Also, as a bonus extra in this podcast you can listen to the audio from a comedy sketch from the BBC comedy show Big Train. You can see a transcript, and watch the YouTube video below. Do you think it’s funny? What is it about? Let me know: luketeacher@hotmail.com Enjoy!

TRANSCRIPT: Extra Podcast – Quick Hello

You are listening to Luke’s English podcast. For more information visit teacherLuke.podamatic.com.

Hello to everyone out there in podcast land. This is Luke and I’m just sending you a quick message. This isn’t a full podcast. Just a quick message to say hello to you and to say thanks for downloading and to let you know that more episodes of the podcast are coming. I am producing them at the moment. So more episodes will be coming very soon you’ll be able to download episodes four and  five and episode six.

Episode four is about the Hollywood actor Joaquin Phoenix and there will be some language some useful language you can use to describe your beliefs and opinions. Episode five is going to be about men and women, the differences and similarities between men and women and the way in which we communicate with each other.

Let’s see, episode six is going to be about vampires and about the movie ‘Twilight’ which is a big hit which has recently being released on DVD and there will be some useful language about emotions and describing feelings.

So more episodes will be uploaded on the internet soon and you will be able to listen to them and download them.

So thanks again for listening and downloading. Don’t forget to send me an email. Luketeacher@hotmail.com and I will speak to you again soon.

bye for now

bye

bye

bye

Okay, just this is a little bonus extra I am going to leave you with a little audio clip which comes from a BBC TV show, comedy show called ‘Big Train’ and in this clip you’ll hear a woman asking for help in English.

So, I am interested to see if you think it’s funny and if you understand it. I will also post the video on my web page and I will also include a transcript of the conversation so that you can understand it more.

Do you find it funny? And what do you think is funny about it. What’s the joke, okay? So, I am interested to hear what you think.

And here is the audio clip:

. .

Comedy Sketch transcript:

Woman: Excuse me… excuse me. Sorry, erm… do you speak English?

Man: No I don’t, sorry.

Woman: Erm. My car’s broken down and I wondered if you could tell me where to find a garage.

Man: Well, y’know, that’s wasted on me. I don’t understand what you’re saying.

Woman: You don’t speak any English at all?

Man: Not a word. No. It’s one of those things really… I wish I’d paid more attention in school… but, um, [to another man] excuse me, excuse me… sorry. Do you speak any English?

Man 2: English? No. What’s the problem?

Man: I don’t know I can’t understand her.

Woman: Hi, err, my car’s broken down and I need to find a garage.

Man 2: No, I’m sorry. I didn’t understand that at all…

Woman: All right, well… thanks.

Man: I tell you what, if you go down that way, about half a mile, there’s a village. There might be somebody there that speaks English.

Woman: Ich speaking bisschen Deutsch. Sprechen Sie Deutsch?  [She says in German: I speak a little German. Do you speak German?]

Man: Deutsch, nein. Spreckenzie Deutch?

Man 2: Deutch, nein. Aber ich bin nicht fließend [He speaks fluent German…]

Man: I’m sorry we couldn’t be more help.

Man 2: Yeah, sorry about that. Hey, you never know… next time you’re over, maybe we’ll have learned a bit of English.

Man: oder Deutsch vielleicht. [in German} or German!

Ja, das wäre toll

Woman: Thanks anyway…

[She walks away}

Man: I can speak English

Man 2: So can I!

[They laugh…]