Category Archives: Entertainment

911. FUNNY ENGLISH SIGNS, Explained (Part 2)

(Part 2 of 2) Let’s continue where we stopped in the last episode, by going through the rest of my list of funny English signs 🪧 from around the world. These signs are badly-written and have unintentionally funny double meanings. I will read out the signs, then explain what is funny and offer corrections to make the signs clearer. I will also explain vocabulary in the process. PDF available.

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https://youtu.be/SSDi6Cgmg8A?si=bsF7cP3fEQ5tS7CC

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910. FUNNY ENGLISH SIGNS, Explained (Part 1)

Let’s look at some funny examples of badly-worded signs from around the world (including UK & USA), which show the ambiguity and unintended consequences of unclear English. I analyse lots of signs, explaining the errors and offering improved versions, using them as teaching moments to illustrate grammatical and vocabulary points. The episode also features vocabulary explanations and corrections for the poorly written signs.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pxD7irLGexk&ab_channel=Luke%27sEnglishPodcast

Get the PDF with vocabulary list here 👇

905. 49 Random Jokes, Explained (Dissecting the Frog)

Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog. You can learn from it, but the frog dies in the process. Let me tell you 49 jokes (of varying quality). How many do you understand? I will explain all the jokes. How much vocabulary can you learn in the process? Joke list, vocabulary list & vocabulary quiz below.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RqbRt54WU_Q&ab_channel=Luke%27sEnglishPodcast

Intro notes, Vocabulary, Links 👇

It’s time to do some more jokes on the podcast!

In this episode I’m going to go through a list of jokes I haven’t read before. 

I’ll read them out to you, you can try to understand the jokes. What’s funny? 

Often it’s about vocabulary double meanings or maybe little cultural references. 

Then I’ll explain them all one by one so you can fully understand anything you might have missed, including any important vocabulary.

So I’ll read the jokes out to you and then I’ll explain them.

Of course, whenever I explain jokes on this podcast I have to read out this quote. It’s not clear who first said it.

So, these jokes might die as I explain them, but at least you should learn some English from all this.

I found all these jokes on BoredPanda.com ← a website I often use to find jokes. 

It’s not clear who wrote these. They’re probably just those unauthored jokes that get shared around by people over the years.

On the website it says these are “jokes for teens”, but I think this just means that there aren’t any particularly rude jokes in here. I think they’re jokes for anyone.

I’ll read out about 10 jokes, and then I’ll go back and explain them.

Then I’ll do another 10, and so on, and we’ll keep going until we can’t take it any more.

150 Jokes For Teens To Spice Up Those Moments Of Boredom | Bored Panda

JOKE LIST 👇

  1. How do you know when you’re desperate for an answer?
    You look at the second page of Google search results.
  2. What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops?Guardians of the Galaxy.
  3. What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy?
    I don’t know, and I don’t care.
  4. Why can’t dinosaurs clap their hands?
    Because they’re extinct.
  5. I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting larger.
    Then it hit me.
  6. Are you free tomorrow?
    No, I’m expensive. Sorry.
  7. What do you call hiking U.S. college students?
    The walking debt.
  8. Why did God supposedly make men before He made women?
    Because everyone needs a rough draft.
  9. Why was the Maths book sad?
    It had too many problems.
  10. My boss told me yesterday, “You shouldn’t dress for the job you have, dress for the job you want.”
    But when I turned up today in Ghostbusters clothes, he said I was fired.
  11. If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?
    Big hands.
  12. Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
    Because she’ll let it go!
  13. What should you do when no one laughs at your chemistry jokes?
    Keep going until you get a reaction.
  14. What animal is the worst at hiding?
    The leopard — he’s always spotted.
  15. What has four wheels and flies?
    A garbage truck!
  16. What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
    Reali-tea.
  17. I sold my vacuum the other day. All it was doing was collecting dust.
  18. Why do pirates have to learn the alphabet?
    If they don’t, they’ll be lost at C.
  19. What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
    Finding half a worm in your apple.
  20. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
    It’s okay. He woke up.
  21. What do you call a Minecraft meetup IRL?
    A block party.
  22. Why are spiders such know-it-alls?
    They’re always on the web.
  23. How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
    Look for the fresh prints.
  24. A lot of people cry when they cut an onion. The trick is not to form an emotional bond.
  25. Why did the hipster burn his mouth?
    He drank his coffee before it was cool.
  26. What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before getting married?
    Feyoncè.
  27. I thought I’d tell you a brilliant time-travel joke, but you didn’t like it.
  28. Why can’t you trust an atom?
    Because they make up everything.
  29. Can February March?
    No, but April May.
  30. A science teacher tells his class, “Oxygen is a must for breathing and life. It was discovered in 1773.” A boy responds, “Thank God I was born after 1773! Otherwise I would have died without it.”
  31. I thought my neighbours were lovely people. Then they went and put a password on their wi-fi.
  32. What kind of music do balloons hate?
    Pop.
  33. What side of a turkey has the most feathers?
    The outside.
  34. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only one letter in it?
    An envelope.
  35. How did the bullet lose its job?
    It got fired.
  36. What did the man say when he walked into a bar?
    Ouch!
  37. Why do teenage girls travel in odd-numbered groups?
    Because they can’t even.
  38. What does a high school basketball player and a jury have in common?
    The Court.
  39. I think my algebra teacher is a pirate.
    All she ever wants to do is find X.
  40. How does the moon cut its hair?
    E-clipse it.
  41. Why did the selfie go to prison?
    It was framed.
  42. Which hand is better to write with?
    Neither. It’s better to write with a pencil!
  43. Were any famous men and women born on your birthday?
    No, only babies.
  44. What do you call high school kids who haven’t been able to go to school because of COVID-19?
    Quaranteens.
  45. What do you call the horse that lives next door?
    Your neigh-bour!
  46. How do you drown a hipster?
    In the mainstream.
  47. How did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity?
    Shocked!
  48. What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?
    A stick.
  49. Why do bees have sticky hair?
    Because they use honey combs!

Vocabulary List

  • To be desperate for something
    She was desperate for a drink of water after running the marathon.
  • Ignorance
    His ignorance about the current political situation made the conversation difficult.
  • Apathy
    The manager was frustrated by the staff’s apathy towards improving their performance.
  • Clap your hands
    The audience began to clap their hands after the incredible performance.
  • Be extinct
    Dinosaurs have been extinct for millions of years.
  • It hit me
    As I was walking home, it suddenly hit me that I had forgotten my wallet at the restaurant.
  • To have debt / to be in debt
    After finishing university, he was in debt because of all the student loans.
  • To go hiking
    We decided to go hiking in the mountains this weekend to enjoy the fresh air.
  • A rough draft
    I submitted a rough draft of my essay to the teacher for feedback before finalizing it.
  • To get fired / to get sacked
    He got fired from his job for consistently arriving late.
  • To get a reaction
    The comedian made a joke, hoping to get a reaction from the audience.
  • A chemical reaction
    When you mix baking soda with vinegar, a chemical reaction occurs, producing bubbles.
  • To spot something
    I managed to spot my friend in the crowd at the concert.
  • Hard to swallow
    The news of the company’s sudden closure was hard to swallow for the employees.
  • To collect / gather dust
    That old bicycle in the garage has been collecting dust for years.
  • To be lost at sea
    The sailors were lost at sea after their navigation system broke down.
  • To be a know-it-all
    Nobody likes working with John because he acts like a know-it-all, even when he’s wrong.
  • To form an emotional bond with someone
    Over time, the foster child formed a strong emotional bond with his new family.
  • To like something before it was cool
    He prides himself on liking that band before it was cool.
  • To make something up
    She didn’t know the answer, so she made something up to avoid looking clueless.
  • Odd numbers
    Odd numbers like 3, 5, and 7 are not divisible by 2.
  • Even numbers
    Even numbers like 2, 4, and 6 can be divided by 2 without a remainder.
  • A basketball court
    They played a competitive game on the basketball court near the school.
  • A law court (judge, jury, lawyers, defendant)
    The defendant stood nervously in the law court as the jury delivered the verdict.
  • To be framed
    She was innocent, but her jealous colleague framed her to take the blame.
  • Mainstream vs alternative
    While he prefers alternative music, his brother enjoys more mainstream pop songs.
  • To comb your hair
    After getting out of the shower, she carefully combed her hair to get rid of the tangles.
  • Honeycomb
    The beekeeper harvested the honeycomb from the hive to extract the honey.

Vocabulary Quiz (answers below)

Part 1: Multiple Choice

Select the correct meaning or synonym for each word or phrase.

  1. To be desperate for something means:
    a) To have no interest in something
    b) To urgently need or want something
    c) To be indifferent to something
  2. Ignorance refers to:
    a) Lack of knowledge
    b) A strong dislike
    c) A sudden idea
  3. Apathy is:
    a) Excitement about an event
    b) Lack of interest or concern
    c) Strong feelings towards something
  4. To be extinct means:
    a) To be endangered
    b) To no longer exist
    c) To be difficult to find
  5. To get fired is the same as:
    a) To get promoted
    b) To be hired for a job
    c) To lose your job

Part 2: Fill in the Blank

Complete each sentence with the correct word or phrase from the list.

  1. When I was looking at the sign, it didn’t make sense, and then suddenly _______. (Hint: realization)
  2. I have so much ______ from university, I’ll be paying it off for years! (Hint: financial obligation)
  3. The company released a ______ of their new product for customers to test. (Hint: early version)
  4. When the ship sank, they were left ______ for days. (Hint: stranded at sea)
  5. She said it’s not true that she stole the money—she claims she’s been ______. (Hint: falsely accused)

Part 3: Matching

Match the word or phrase on the left with the correct definition on the right.

  1. To go hiking
  2. A chemical reaction
  3. To spot something
  4. A rough draft
  5. Hard to swallow

a) A physical or emotional response that’s difficult to accept
b) A first or preliminary version of something written
c) A process that occurs when substances interact to form new products
d) To walk in nature, especially in the mountains
e) To notice or recognize something

Part 4: True or False

Write True or False for each statement.

  1. To be a know-it-all means someone who shares their knowledge humbly and listens to others.
  2. Mainstream refers to ideas, attitudes, or activities that are widely accepted by the majority.
  3. Odd numbers include 2, 4, 6, 8, and 10.
  4. A law court involves judges, juries, lawyers, and defendants.
  5. To like something before it was cool means to follow trends set by others.

Part 5: Short Answer

Answer the following questions.

  1. What does it mean to “make something up”?
  2. How would you describe the difference between mainstream and alternative?
  3. Why might a basketball court and a law court have the same word, “court”?

Vocabulary Quiz Answers

Part 1: Multiple Choice

  1. To be desperate for something means:
    b) To urgently need or want something
  2. Ignorance refers to:
    a) Lack of knowledge
  3. Apathy is:
    b) Lack of interest or concern
  4. To be extinct means:
    b) To no longer exist
  5. To get fired is the same as:
    c) To lose your job

Part 2: Fill in the Blank

  1. When I was looking at the sign, it didn’t make sense, and then it hit me.
  2. I have so much debt from university, I’ll be paying it off for years!
  3. The company released a rough draft of their new product for customers to test.
  4. When the ship sank, they were left lost at sea for days.
  5. She said it’s not true that she stole the money—she claims she’s been framed.

Part 3: Matching

  1. To go hikingd) To walk in nature, especially in the mountains
  2. A chemical reactionc) A process that occurs when substances interact to form new products
  3. To spot somethinge) To notice or recognize something
  4. A rough draftb) A first or preliminary version of something written
  5. Hard to swallowa) A physical or emotional response that’s difficult to accept

Part 4: True or False

  1. False – A know-it-all is someone who pretends to know everything and often doesn’t listen to others.
  2. True – Mainstream refers to ideas or activities widely accepted by the majority.
  3. False – Odd numbers are 1, 3, 5, 7, 9, etc.
  4. True – A law court involves judges, juries, lawyers, and defendants.
  5. False – To like something before it was cool means you liked it before it became popular or trendy.

Part 5: Short Answer

  1. To make something up means to invent a story or fact, often to deceive or entertain.
  2. Mainstream refers to ideas or activities accepted by the majority, while alternative suggests something outside of the mainstream, often more niche or unconventional.
  3. A basketball court and a law court both involve a structured space where rules are followed, and some form of competition or judgment takes place.

😅 Did you enjoy this episode? 

Want to hear me explain more jokes? 

Check out these other episodes from my episode archive 👇

901. Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of The Speckled Band (Learn English with a Short Story)

Learn English with another classic Sherlock Holmes mystery story by Arthur Conan Doyle. In this episode my aim is to help you to understand and enjoy a Sherlock Holmes story. I’ll read the original text of this classic locked-room mystery to you, and will explain and summarise what is happening regularly. Just relax, listen carefully and try to enjoy this classic story. PDF available.

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Vocabulary List

Here are some words and phrases from the story “The Adventure of the Speckled Band” that Luke explains or clarifies during the episode:

  • Knock up: Holmes apologises for “knocking up” Watson, but Luke explains that this phrase had a different meaning in the Victorian era. Today, it’s a somewhat vulgar term for making someone pregnant. In the story, it just means “to wake someone up.”
  • Veiled: The lady who visits Holmes and Watson is “heavily veiled.” Luke explains this means she has a veil, a piece of fabric, covering her face.
  • Shivering: The lady is shivering, which usually means someone is cold. Luke points out she is shivering because she is terrified.
  • Pitiable state of agitation: Luke explains that this means the lady is in a very sorry state and very frightened. He further clarifies that “Haggard” means she looks exhausted, as if she has been through a horrible experience.
  • Singular: Watson calls the case “singular,” which Luke clarifies means unique.
  • The Roylotts: Luke explains that “The Roylotts” is the family name of the client’s stepfather and that they are a noble, upper class family like the one in “Downton Abbey”.
  • Stoke Moran: Luke clarifies that Stoke Moran is a fictional town.
  • Commonplace: Watson states that none of the cases he’s seen are commonplace. Luke points out that commonplace means ordinary or usual.
  • Deductive reasoning: Luke explains that deductive reasoning is a key element in Sherlock Holmes stories. Holmes looks at evidence and makes deductions (conclusions) about things that he cannot directly see.
  • Band: The title of the story refers to “The Speckled Band.” Luke points out that the word “band” has two meanings. It can refer to a group of people, like a band of musicians, or a strip of fabric, like a headband. The word “speckled” refers to a pattern of spots.
  • Estate: Luke clarifies that the word “estate” refers to the land and money owned by the family.
  • Mortgage: Luke explains that a mortgage is a type of bank loan taken out against a property.
  • Aristocratic pauper: Luke defines the term “pauper” as someone who is poor, explaining the seeming contradiction in the phrase “aristocratic pauper” is that Roylott’s father comes from a noble, upper class family, but has lost all of his money.
  • Butler: Luke describes a butler as the head servant in a house and imagines him wearing a suit, holding a tray, and serving tea.
  • Capital Sentence: When Helen Stoner says her stepfather narrowly escaped a “capital sentence,” Luke clarifies that she is referring to the death penalty.
  • Morose: Luke explains that “morose” means being in a bad mood.
  • Bequeathed: Luke clarifies that when the mother “bequeathed” her money to Royet, it means she promised to give it all to him in her will.
  • Seldom: Luke clarifies that seldom means rarely.
  • Save: Royet “seldom came out save to indulge in quarrels.” Luke explains that “save” in this context means “except.”
  • Mania: Luke explains that “mania” means extreme or violent anger.
  • Brawls: When Helen Stoner says Royet had been involved in a series of “brawls,” Luke explains that she means physical fights.
  • Gypsies: Luke explains that Gypsies are a group of traveling people and talks about the stereotypes associated with them.
  • Cheetah and Baboon: Luke clarifies the types of animals these are. A cheetah is a large, fast wild cat. A baboon is a type of monkey.
  • Grounds: Luke clarifies that Roylett’s “grounds” refers to the land surrounding his house.
  • Fortnight: Luke explains that a fortnight is a period of two weeks.
  • Impending misfortune: Helen Stoner had a “vague feeling of impending misfortune” the night her sister died. Luke explains this means she felt something bad was going to happen.
  • Gale: A “gale” is a very strong wind.
  • Hubbub: The “hubbub of the gale” refers to the loud noise of the wind and rain.
  • Horror-stricken: Luke explains that “horror-stricken” means terrified.
  • Hinges: Hinges are the metal joints on which a door swings open and closed.
  • Blanched: Luke clarifies that this means her face was white with terror.
  • Swayed to and fro: Julia was “swaying to and fro” like a drunk person, meaning her body was moving unsteadily from side to side.
  • Writhed: Julia “writhed” on the floor, meaning her body was twisting and turning as if in pain.
  • Convulsed: Luke explains that Julia’s limbs were “dreadfully convulsed,” meaning they were shaking violently and uncontrollably.
  • Fain: Julia would “fain have said” something else, meaning she wanted to say something but could not.
  • Brandy: Luke points out that brandy was seen as a solution to many problems in Victorian England and that it is a strong alcoholic drink.
  • Coroner: The coroner is the official who investigates sudden or unexplained deaths.
  • Sounded: The walls were “carefully sounded,” meaning they were checked to see if they were solid.
  • Shutters: Shutters are wooden or metal covers on the outside of windows.
  • Staples: Staples are metal fasteners.
  • Charred: The match in Julia’s hand was “charred,” meaning it had been burned.
  • Handkerchiefs: Handkerchiefs are square pieces of cloth used for wiping one’s nose or face.
  • Saxon: The Saxons were a group of people who came to England from what is now Denmark and Germany.
  • Dissolute and wasteful disposition: Helen Stoner describes four generations of her stepfather’s family as having “dissolute and wasteful dispositions,” meaning they were irresponsible with money.
  • Regency: The Regency was a period in British history from 1811 to 1820, when King George III was too ill to rule and his son, later George IV, acted as regent.
  • Squire: A squire was a country gentleman who owned land.
  • Bengal Artillery: The Bengal Artillery was a branch of the British Indian Army.
  • Half-pay major of Marines: A major is a rank in the British Army. “Half-pay” means the officer was retired and receiving half his usual salary. The Marines are a branch of the British armed forces.
  • Maiden sister: A maiden sister is a woman who has never married.
  • Harrow: Harrow is a town in northwest London.
  • Manifold wickedness: “Manifold” means “many and varied” in this context. Helen Stoner is saying she believes Holmes can see into the many different ways in which the human heart can be wicked.
  • Encompass: “To encompass” means to surround.
  • Opal Tiara: Luke describes a tiara as a piece of jewellery worn on the head, like a small crown.
  • Averted eyes: Helen Stoner says she could read from her fiance’s “soothing answers and averted eyes” that he didn’t believe her. “Averted eyes” means he was looking away from her.
  • Dog cart: A dog cart is a small cart that was pulled by a horse.
  • Leatherhead: Leatherhead is a town in Surrey, south of London.
  • Waterloo: Waterloo is a major railway station in London.
  • Frill: A frill is a decorative piece of fabric, usually gathered or pleated.
  • Cruelly used: Holmes can see that someone has been cruel to Helen Stoner.
  • Investments: Investments are assets that are purchased with the hope that they will generate income or increase in value.
  • Pittance: A pittance is a very small amount of money.
  • Dawdling: “To dawdle” means to waste time.
  • Revolver: A revolver is a type of handgun.
  • Insolence: Insolence is rude or disrespectful behaviour.
  • Confound: “To confound” means to confuse.
  • Zest: “Zest” means enthusiasm or excitement.
  • Scotland Yard: Scotland Yard is the headquarters of the London Metropolitan Police.
  • Imprudence: “Imprudence” means lack of care or good judgement.
  • Fleecy clouds: Fleecy clouds are white, fluffy clouds.
  • Shoots: Shoots are new growths on plants.
  • Moist earth: Moist means damp or slightly wet.
  • Sinister quest: A quest is a search or journey. “Sinister” means evil or threatening.
  • Trap: A trap is another term for a dog cart, or any light carriage pulled by a horse.
  • Timbered: “Timbered” means covered with trees.
  • Grove: A grove is a small group of trees.
  • Gables: Gables are the triangular upper parts of a wall at the end of a pitched roof.
  • Cluster: A cluster is a group of things close together.
  • Style: A style is a set of steps that allow people to climb over a fence or wall.
  • Footpath: A footpath is a narrow path for people to walk on.
  • Architect: An architect is a person who designs buildings.
  • Gossip: Gossip is casual conversation about other people, often involving rumour or speculation.
  • Lychen: Lychen is a type of plant that grows on rocks and trees.
  • Caved in: “Caved in” means collapsed inwards.
  • Scaffolding: Scaffolding is a temporary structure used to support workmen and materials during the construction, repair, or cleaning of a building.
  • Pending: “Pending” means “while waiting for”.
  • Alterations: Alterations are changes that are being made.
  • Suggestive: “Suggestive” means that something hints at something else.
  • Unapproachable: “Unapproachable” means impossible to reach.
  • Homely: “Homely” means simple and comfortable.
  • Gaping fireplace: A “gaping fireplace” is a large, open fireplace.
  • Chest of drawers: A chest of drawers is a piece of furniture with drawers for storing clothes or other items.
  • Counterpane: A counterpane is a bedspread.
  • Wickerwork chairs: Wickerwork is made from woven twigs or reeds.
  • Wilton carpet: Wilton carpet is a type of woven carpet.
  • Paneling: Panelling is decorative wooden boards covering a wall.
  • Worm-eaten oak: Worm-eaten means damaged by woodworm, the larvae of various beetles. Oak is a type of hardwood tree.
  • Bell rope: A bell rope is a rope that is pulled to ring a bell.
  • Tassel: A tassel is a bunch of threads or cords tied together at one end and hanging as an ornament.
  • Bell pull: A bell pull is another term for a bell rope.
  • Dummy: A dummy is a fake or imitation.
  • Ventilator: A ventilator is an opening that allows air to circulate.
  • Absurd: “Absurd” means ridiculous or illogical.
  • Communicated: “Communicated” in this sense means “connected”.
  • Inner apartment: “Inner apartment” means the next room.
  • Camp bed: A camp bed is a simple, folding bed.
  • Technical: “Technical” means relating to a particular subject or skill.
  • Iron safe: An iron safe is a strong metal box for storing valuables.
  • Saucer: A saucer is a small, shallow dish that is used for holding a cup.
  • Dog lash: A dog lash is a whip for a dog.
  • Whipcord: Whipcord is a strong, thin cord.
  • Amiable: “Amiable” means friendly.
  • Bulky: “Bulky” means large and heavy.
  • Poker: A poker is a metal rod used for stirring a fire.
  • Frock coat: A frock coat is a man’s long, double-breasted coat.
  • Gaiters: Gaiters are coverings for the lower leg, often made of leather or canvas.
  • Hunting crop: A hunting crop is a short whip used by horse riders.
  • Breadth: “Breadth” means width.
  • Seared: “Seared” means burned or scorched.
  • Bile shot eyes: Bile is a yellow-green fluid that is produced by the liver and stored in the gallbladder. Royet’s eyes are described as “bile shot,” suggesting they have a yellowish tinge.
  • Fleshless: “Fleshless” means very thin.
  • Bird of prey: A bird of prey is a bird that hunts and kills other animals for food.
  • Apparition: An apparition is a ghost or a ghostlike image of a person.
  • Scoundrel: A scoundrel is a dishonest or unprincipled person.
  • Meddler: A meddler is a person who interferes in other people’s affairs.
  • Busybody: A busybody is a person who is too interested in other people’s lives.
  • Scotland Yard Jack in office: A “Jack in office” is an official who is arrogant and self-important.
  • Chuckled heartily: “To chuckle” means to laugh quietly. “Heartily” means in a loud and enthusiastic way.
  • Draft: A draft is a current of cold air.
  • Feeble: “Feeble” means weak.
  • Avenue gate: An avenue is a wide road with trees on either side.
  • Dusk: Dusk is the time of day just before nightfall.
  • Looming: “Looming” means appearing large and threatening.
  • Lad: A lad is a boy or young man.
  • Roar: A roar is a loud, deep sound.
  • Fury: Fury is intense anger.
  • Clenched fists: Clenched fists means that the hands are closed tightly into fists.
  • Scruples: “Scruples” are feelings of doubt or hesitation about whether something is morally right.
  • Invaluable: “Invaluable” means extremely useful or important.
  • Somber errand: An errand is a short journey that is made to do something. “Somber” means serious or gloomy.
  • Breaches: Breaches are gaps or openings.
  • Laurel bushes: Laurel bushes are evergreen shrubs with dark green leaves.
  • Hideous: “Hideous” means very ugly or unpleasant to look at.
  • Distorted: “Distorted” means twisted or misshapen.
  • Writhing limbs: “Writhing limbs” means arms and legs twisting and turning.
  • Startled: “Startled” means surprised and frightened.
  • Vice: A vice is a tool with two jaws that can be tightened to hold an object firmly in place.
  • Agitation: Agitation means a state of anxiety or nervous excitement.
  • Murmured: “To murmur” means to speak quietly.
  • Affected: “Affected” in this context means “kept”.
  • Slipping off: “To slip off” means to remove something quickly and easily.
  • Noiselessly: “Noiselessly” means without making any sound.
  • Dreadful vigil: A vigil is a period of time spent keeping watch. “Dreadful” means causing fear or anxiety.
  • Drawing of a breath: “Drawing of a breath” means the sound of someone inhaling or exhaling.
  • Open eyed: “Open eyed” means not sleeping.
  • Nervous tension: “Nervous tension” means a state of anxiety or stress.
  • Nightbird: A nightbird is a bird that is active at night.
  • Catlike whine: A whine is a long, high-pitched sound made by an animal.
  • At liberty: “At liberty” means free.
  • Deep tones: “Deep tones” are low-pitched sounds.
  • Parish clock: A parish clock is a clock that is located in a church.
  • Boomed out: “Boomed out” means made a loud, resonant sound.
  • Befall: “To befall” means to happen to someone.
  • Gleam: A gleam is a faint or brief flash of light.
  • Vanished: “Vanished” means disappeared suddenly.
  • Succeeded: “Succeeded” in this context means “followed.”
  • Dark lantern: A dark lantern is a lantern with a sliding cover that can be used to conceal the light.
  • Soothing sound: A “soothing sound” is a sound that is calming or relaxing.
  • Jet of steam: A jet of steam is a stream of hot water vapour.
  • Kettle: A kettle is a metal container used for boiling water.
  • Lashed furiously: “To lash” means to hit something repeatedly. “Furiously” means with great anger or force.
  • Glare: A glare is a bright, dazzling light.
  • Weary: “Weary” means tired.
  • Savagely: “Savagely” means violently or cruelly.
  • Loathing: “Loathing” means intense dislike or disgust.
  • Ceased: “Ceased” means stopped.
  • Mingled: “Mingled” means mixed together.
  • Parsonage: A parsonage is the house provided for a parish priest.
  • Sleepers: “Sleepers” in this context are people who are sleeping.
  • Echoes: Echoes are repetitions of a sound.
  • Gasped: “To gasp” means to breathe in suddenly and sharply, especially because of surprise or pain.
  • Subtle: “Subtle” means not obvious or easy to detect.
  • Palmer and Pritchard: These were two infamous doctors in the 19th century who were convicted of murder.
  • Ruthless: “Ruthless” means showing no pity or compassion.
  • Rapidity: “Rapidity” means speed.
  • Venom: Venom is a poisonous substance secreted by animals such as snakes, spiders, and scorpions.
  • Lethal: “Lethal” means deadly.
  • Fangs: Fangs are long, sharp teeth that are used for injecting venom.
  • Summoned: “Summoned” means called.
  • Fall a victim: “To fall a victim” means to be killed or harmed by something.
  • Inspection: An inspection is a careful examination of something.
  • Dispel: “To dispel” means to eliminate or get rid of.
  • Occupant: An occupant is a person who lives in a particular place.
  • Metallic clang: A “clang” is a loud, ringing sound.
  • Hastely: “Hastely” means quickly and hurriedly.
  • Put the matter to the proof: “To put the matter to the proof” means to test a theory to see if it is true.
  • Hiss: To hiss is to make a sound like a long ‘s’.
  • Cane: A cane is a walking stick.
  • Routed its snakish temper: “To rouse” means to awaken or stir up.
  • Indirectly responsible: “Indirectly responsible” means that someone is not directly to blame for something, but their actions contributed to it happening.
  • Conscience: Someone’s conscience is their sense of right and wrong.
  • Chronological order: Chronological order is the arrangement of events in the order in which they happened.
  • Anglo-Saxon: Anglo-Saxons were a people who inhabited England from the 5th century AD.
  • Sole remaining heir: The only person who is entitled to inherit property or a title.
  • Penniless: Having no money.
  • Swamp adder: Luke explains there is no such snake in India and speculates that it may be a cobra.
  • Red Herring: A “red herring” is a clue or piece of information that is intended to be misleading or distracting.

Please note that the episode transcript does not explain all the potentially unfamiliar vocabulary in the story. Luke focuses on the words and phrases that are key to understanding the plot or the characters. He also provides explanations of some grammatical features, such as the use of the word “save” to mean “except.”

900. Doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results (with Amber & Paul)

It’s a catchy title! Episode 900 is here, and what better way to celebrate than by inviting my pals Amber & Paul back onto the podcast? Amber & Paul have been regular guests on this podcast for 10 years. We usually have light-hearted and tangential conversations and these episodes are often very popular with long-term listeners. This time we talk about Episode 900 celebrations 🎉 the title of this episode 🔁 Paris Olympics 2024 🏟️ encounters with dead animals in Paris 😢 Paul’s Olympic marathon run 🏃 the dangers of sneezing 🤧 and more…

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YouTube video version👇

https://youtu.be/9UM-sRcjZq4

Paul’s Olympic marathon medal 👇

899. Back on the Mic: September 2024 Ramble & Grammar Tangents

Rambling about being back after the summer break, with regular moments of grammar analysis. Includes a lot of tangents, funny moments and analysis of English tenses and complex sentence structures. PDF with transcript and notes available.

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Episode PDF with transcript & notes 👇

894. LEP Live in Paris! Live Podcast Recording (Summer 2024)

A rambling episode recorded on-stage in front of a live audience in Paris in July 2024. Join my audience and me, as I share scenes from the screenplay for my new Hollywood blockbuster action movie about an English teacher called “Last Lesson”, and the sequel “Last Lesson 2: Fast & Fluent”.

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892. You’re not a LEPster, by any chance, are you? (July 2024 Ramble)

Join me on another rambling episode as I encourage ninjas to come out of the shadows 🥷, touch on some present perfect continuous verb forms 🔁, give some podcast updates, give a report about the stand-up comedy show 😂 & live podcast recording 🎤, teach some polite and diplomatic language with a dramatic bank robbery scenario 🔫, give a summary of the UK’s general election results 🗳️ & more…

[DOWNLOAD AUDIO]

Episode PDF 👇 with transcript and notes

Listen to The Footglish Podcast – Learn English with Football ⚽️👇 (s01e28)

Pod links for The Footglish Podcast 👉 https://pod.link/1751816033

On YouTube 👇

890. The Simulation (Learn English with a Short Story)

Learn English with a short story. This one is about a man called Edward, who lives an ordinary stress-free life in London, until one day he notices something extraordinary while walking to work, and his world is never the same again. Follow the story, and then let me explain some vocabulary to you. To practise your pronunciation, consider repeating the lines of the story after me.

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https://youtu.be/O_dleMcXMqk

Story slides in PDF form 👇

Read my vocabulary notes 📝 👇

The Simulation


As the grey light of dawn filtered through the curtains,

Edward Wilson stirred in his bed.

To filter through – phrasal verb

The sunlight came through the windows and the curtains acted like a filter. The sun was less bright (describes a texture or certain look)

Other examples
This water is pure and clear, having been filtered through layers of rock and sand
In Van Gogh’s paintings, the world is filtered through his unique perception of the world, resulting in a unique style

Air – filtered through a purifier

To stir = move slightly (like a person or an animal waking up)
(also stir meaning mix a drink – homonym)


His hazel eyes blinked open, and he yawned, stretching his lean frame.

Hazel – eye colour (brownish green with some amber or gold)
Most common eye colours: Brown, blue, hazel (includes amber), green, grey
Lean = (adj) thin, but healthy – without a lot of fat We also use lean for business processes – meaning efficient and without waste
Frame = his body, especially with reference to his size or build (in this case – lean)


The pale sunlight streamed across the perfectly clean sheets of his bed, and across his spotless floor.

To stream across
To
stream = when air, light, liquid or gas flows out continuously
A stream = a continuous flow of liquid, air, or gas.
“Jane blew out a stream of smoke”
To shine across but in streams
(shafts of light, rays of light, beams of light, streams of light)
The light shone, beamed, streamed out/down/across/in etc
Streams of water. To stream music or movies.

Spotless = perfectly clean
“I want that car to be completely spotless by the time I get back – I want to be able to see my own reflection in the roof of it” “But it’s a convertible!” etc


He moved back the curtains, pulled open his window blind and stood, squinting at the silent city below his window.

Window blinds

Roller blinds, venetian blinds (in slats), Roman blinds (fold as you raise them), electric blinds
shutters (on the outside) curtains (we know)

To squint = To look with your eyes partly closed because you are trying to block out light (like me in the Walk & Talk Paris episode)


Another day in the sprawling metropolis of London awaited him, or so he thought.

Sprawling = spreading out far and wide in a haphazard fashion (in a disorganised or random way) like the way a city does

It could also be:
things in nature (a forest or desert)
A sprawling story
A sprawling universe
Anything that spreads out large and wide

A metropolis = a very large city, particularly a huge capital city

Awaited him = waited for him (a more formal/literary style – sometimes more formal language is used in literature to create a more serious tone)


Edward was a software engineer, working diligently at a prestigious tech firm in the city.

To work diligently / to be diligent = to work hard, with a lot of care and attention
Prestigious = high status, a lot of people respect it or think it’s good – a top, high level company
A tech firm = a technology company (probably software systems, or AI or something like that)
A firm = a type of company
A law firm, a tech firm, an investment firm


His life was a predictable routine of coding, coffee, and occasional nights out with friends.

Predictable = you know what is going to happen because it’s always the same – easy to predict (and therefore boring)
A routine = the things which you always do, every time (describe Edward’s routine)


His days were ordered, tidy, and conveniently empty.

Ordered = everything arranged in a certain way, things are put in a clear structure or arrangement – no mess
Organised is a synonym, but ordered suggests that things are neat, tidy, structured with no mess
Conveniently empty – empty – nothing in them – no serious commitments.
This is convenient because it makes life easier for him.


He wasn’t troubled too much by anxiety or stress, despite his demanding job, and the busy pace of life in the city.

To be troubled by something / bothered / inconvenienced (that’s less strong)
A demanding job = a job that demands a lot from you (asks you to do a lot of things) – hard work, energy, commitment, time, mental load (a demanding job is a difficult job)
Pace of life = speed of life


He had no specific emotional ties or commitments.

Ties = things that attach you or limit your freedom in some way
Things that tie you down → girlfriend, wife, kids
Ties or commitments (these are synonyms)
(it’s not uncommon to have several synonymous words used together for emphasis or style)


He was free to live how he wanted, spending his free time exactly as he pleased.
However, there had always been a certain feeling in the back of Edward’s mind, a sense that something in his life was not quite right.

In the back of your mind = it refers to thoughts or feelings which are there but you don’t think about them directly or clearly, not dominating your thoughts.

They’re there in the background and might give you a certain general feeling in your life. They might influence the way you think or behave.
For Edward, although life seems ordered and fine, something is still not quite right.


Something was missing.

One brisk autumn morning, as Edward was strolling along the Thames Embankment on his way to work, he noticed something unusual.

Brisk = bright, energetic, fast paced, lively, fresh.
A brisk morning
A brisk walk
Strolling = walking in a fairly relaxed way


An object hung in the air above the pavement up ahead.

Hang – hung – hung
Was suspended (somehow) – just in the air
The pavement (UK) – the sidewalk (US)


Edward walked on for a closer look.

To walk on = to continue walking
“On” is sometimes added to a verb to mean “continue doing it”
To move on
To drive on
To carry on
To talk on
To read on
To ramble on
To dream on

A seagull was frozen mid-flight, suspended in the sky like a photograph.

A seagull (or just gull) is a type of bird that often lives near the sea (but sometimes in land too – often near water)
You often see them at the beach
They can be seen in London, particularly by the river
Mid-flight = in the middle of flying (an adverb to modify the adjective “frozen”)


Pedestrians around Edward seemed oblivious as they hurried on, engrossed in their conversations or with their faces locked to their phones.

Pedestrians = people walking
Oblivious = with no idea that something is happening
To hurry on = to move on in a hurry
To be engrossed in something = completely involved in it, completely focused on it and not aware of other things
Engrossed in a book / engrossed in an episode of LEP (take care when driving and operating heavy machinery)


Edward reached out to touch the frozen seagull, but it vanished in front of his eyes.

Reached out = stretched his arm to touch the bird
Adding OUT emphasises that he has to reach his arm quite far away


Edward snapped his hand back suddenly, and stared at the spot where the seagull had been, just seconds earlier.

Snapped his hand back = moved his hand back very quickly
Snap = a very fast, sudden movement
A crocodile snaps its jaws
It also refers to something breaking and making a sound (I snapped my pencil, a stepped on a piece of wood and it snapped)
In all cases it refers to quick, sudden movement


He glanced around, to see if anyone else had noticed.

He looked around quickly in different directions.
Glance = look quickly
Glance around = in different directions


But nobody was watching. The world around him seemed utterly normal.

Utterly = completely
They’re synonyms – but “utterly” expresses a slightly more extreme feeling.
It’s more emphatic
That was utterly boring
That was utterly disgusting
That film was utterly ridiculous

…and yet for Edward, things would never be the same again.

Slowly, a strange feeling came over him.

A feeling comes over you = the feeling gradually arrives, you gradually start to feel something
A feeling of tiredness came over me.
Nervousness came over me.
A feeling of excitement came over me.


He felt a shiver run down the length of his spine as he remembered a quote from a famous physicist –
“Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.”


A shiver = a cold feeling that makes you feel uncomfortable / when your body shakes probably because it’s cold or you’re afraid
To run down the length of his spine = this shiver moved from one end of his spine to the other
Length, width, height, depth
Merely = only, just, no more than (we use it to say something is not that important)
“He’s not important. He’s merely a English language podcaster. He doesn’t pose a threat to us.”
Albeit – this is like “but”, “although” or “even though” but it is followed by a noun, adjective or adverbial phrase, but not a clause with a verb in it. It means “although it is”.
Although is followed by a clause with a verb:
Reality is an illusion, although it is a very persistent one.
Albeit, isn’t
Reality is an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
The music was great, although it was a little loud for my tastes.
The music was great, albeit a little loud for my tastes.
Why use it? It gives a slightly more sophisticated literary style.


Edward spent the day working in his usual focused way.

He didn’t mention the bizarre frozen seagull to any of his colleagues, but his curiosity was piqued and that evening he decided to delve deeper.

To pique something (works with fixed expressions)
Fixed expressions
To pique your interest
To pique your curiosity
The title of the episode really piqued my interest
It aroused or stimulated my interest.
It’s not peak (high point) or peek (a quick look) (homophones)

To delve into something (to look/search deeply into something)
To delve deeper (to investigate more profoundly) search for more information


He started by searching online for the quote he had remembered which led him down a rabbit hole of philosophy, quantum physics, virtual reality, and artificial intelligence.

Down a rabbit hole
Like in Alice in Wonderland, when she follows a rabbit down a hole and gets lost.
Going down a rabbit hole means getting very interested in a specific topic and reading about it, researching it and getting lost in the subject.
E.g. if you believe that the earth is flat, you might go down a rabbit hole of conspiracy theories about it, reading more and more things and sort of getting deeply obsessed with it
In this case, Edward goes down a rabbit hole of philosophy, and physics related to virtual reality and quantum science (in order to investigate what he has seen)


He searched for sightings of similar anomalies, witness accounts and stories from other people like him.

A sighting – when someone sees something (UFO sightings, ghost sightings)
Anomalies – things which are not normal, not expected – in this case, apparent “glitches” in reality.


He got lost in that rabbit hole for months, as the world moved around him, normal life passing him by.

To pass you by = to go past without stopping
I stood by the side of the road and watched the parade of musicians passing me by.
Focusing on my studies (or being a housewife) means I haven’t lived a full life! So many opportunities have passed me by!


Every day was the same.

The busy world of work and commuting, somehow softened by that pale London sunlight.

Commuting = travelling from home to work (when you live in a different place to where you work)
To commute
A commute
A commuter
A commuter train


But in the evenings, and at night time, he studied.

The more he learned, the more convinced he became that his world, his life, was not actually real. It was just some sort of illusion.

Every day, the world around him – the people at work, the office spaces and lunchtime cafes, the passers-by in the street – everything became less and less convincing.

A passerby (one word) is a person who walks past you, or passes you by in the street
The plural can be passersby (one word) or hyphenated passers-by
Not ❌ passerbys and not passersbys ❌


Edward began to feel trapped. Like a prisoner inside a huge trick.

One evening, as he stared into the glow of his computer screen, Edward received an unexpected email.

Glow = the light which comes out from his screen
The glow of a fire
The glow of a screen
The glow of the city lights

The sender’s name was ‘Seraphina’.

The message was mysterious and intriguing:

“Meet me at Westminster Bridge, at midnight.”

it read.

Intriguing = very interesting because it is unusual or mysterious
An intriguing question
She has an intriguing personality
An intriguing fact


The invitation, the name, the sudden yearning for human connection – it leapt into Edward’s heart.

To yearn = to have an intense feeling of longing or desire for something, especially something you can’t have. It has romantic or emotional connotations.
Yearning for human connection
Yearning for love
Yearning for solitude
Yearning to travel the world
Yearning for a simple life in the countryside
Yearn for something / yearn to do something

To leap = to jump quickly and quite a large distance
Leap – leapt – leapt
A tiger would leap at an animal it wanted to attack
To leap into – We we were driving through the safari park, a leopard leapt into the car!
Fear leapt into my heart


He knew it could be a scam, but he just couldn’t resist the temptation.

A scam = a trick to deceive someone, usually in order to steal their money
You get a message on your computer saying that there is a security problem and a data breach and you need to download certain software, or to give your bank details to pay for someone to repair your computer.
It’s a scam because either it’s fake and they just want your money, or because they want to get access to your bank account.

Scam emails – asking for you to send your personal information because they have money to give to you.
Often the email looks like an invoice – it says “Please find attached your invoice for $568. Let us know if any information is missing.”
but it’s a phishing scam designed to make you download the attached file, which actually contains some sort of malware which hacks your computer.

In this case, Edward is worried that it’s a scam and someone just wants to rob him.


He arrived at the bridge at the stroke of midnight, the imposing Big Ben looming out of the shadows above him.

At the stroke of midnight = when the clock “strokes” midnight – when the hand of the clock touches 12
When the clock strikes 12 (this means a bell ringing or chiming at 12 o’clock)

To loom (over/above/out)
If something looms – it’s a large object or thing, which appears in a threatening way – often over you or above you.
A building looms out of the shadows.
A huge ship loomed above us.
Clouds loomed over us in the sky.
A huge monster loomed over us.
The mountains loomed in the distance.

In the story, Big Ben (actually the Tower of Westminster) looms out of the shadows – creating a scary atmosphere.


The streets were deserted, and the moon cast eerie shapes on the ground in the half light.

Deserted – nobody there
Cast – projected, sent out (broadcast, podcast)
Eerie – strange and a bit creepy, scary or unsettling
Eerie music played during the horror film
An eerie atmosphere in the church at night
The moon cast Eerie shapes – the moonlight projected strange, scary shapes on the ground)


As he waited, the tower’s chimes resonated through the night, and he turned to see a woman emerging from the shadows.

Chimes – the sound of a bell
Resonated – when sounds carry through the air, ring out, reverberate
Sounds can resonate – the sound carries or continues
Things can resonate with you – meaning they have an emotional impact – you feel the emotional resonance (vibration) of it.
Luke, your story really resonated with me. I felt similar to the main character. I was able to identify with him.
To emerge = to come out


Seraphina appeared to Edward like an enigma, her features shrouded in darkness.

An enigma = a mystery or puzzle that you have to work out
Someone’s features = the shape or characteristics of their face or body – the way their face or body looks
Strong features, soft features.

To be shrouded in darkness
A shroud is like a long cloth that might wrap around your body and head, protecting you.
In this case, Seraphina appears shrouded in darkness.
The darkness covers her body. Maybe she is wearing a dark coat and a hood. Maybe she is standing in the shadow of the tower or trees. Edward can’t see clearly what she looks like.


“You’re Edward, the one who’s been searching for answers,” she said.

Edward nodded. “Yes, I am”.
He paused
“… and you are?”


To nod your head
What’s the opposite?
to shake your head


“Call me Seraphina. I’ve been watching you, Edward. I believe you’re right, about this world.”

Her eyes met Edward’s. She paused.

Edward’s heart raced.

“What do you want from me?” he said.

“I need your help, Edward. We need your help” Seraphina replied.

“What are you talking about?” said Edward.

“Edward. You are not alone. There are others. We’re forming a resistance. We want to break free from all this and uncover the truth behind what’s really going on.”

Edward paused.

“What, like in The Matrix?” he said.

“Don’t mention that” whispered Seraphina, glancing away for a moment.

She turned back to Edward.
“Look. Just join us” she said.
“We need someone like you. With your skills.”

Edward hesitated but found himself drawn to Seraphina.

If you are drawn to someone, you feel like you are moving towards them, like you’re being pulled in their direction.


For once, things didn’t seem so ordered, and empty.

Ordered – neatly organised, tidy


“Wait” said Edward.
“One question.
Are you… real?”

“Yes. I am real.” said Seraphina, resolutely.

Resolutely = done with firm determination, with strong resolve
She said this with strength, integrity, courage and self-assuredness.
She’s definitely telling the truth and she means it.

Edward paused.

“But how can I be sure?”

He said.

“Well” Seraphina replied.
“You’ll just have to take my word for it, won’t you?

Now, will you join us Edward?”


You’ll just have to take my word for it
= you’ll just have to believe what I say, without further proof or evidence.
I can’t prove it with evidence, so you will just have to take my word for it – you’ll just have to believe what I say.

Edward stood still, his mind turning.

He glanced at Seraphina again.

“OK. I’ll help” he said.
“But how?”

In her hand Seraphina held a small, unassuming device.

Unassuming = doesn’t look very special. Modest, Humble.
Ordinary looking.


“This is a disruptor. It can manipulate the fabric of our world, of… the simulation.”

A disruptor is something that disrupts things – to interrupt or disturb.
To stop something from working normally. Stops a system, process or event from working normally.
The traffic was disrupted by an accident.
The the government’s website was disrupted by a hacker, who wanted to cause problems, as a protest.
This disruptor probably disrupts the simulation, somehow. (conveniently this is unexplained but you just have to go along with it)

To manipulate something = to control it
The fabric of our world / the fabric of time / the fabric of space
Fabric literally means a kind of woven material, like wool or cotton.
The fabric of space/time/reality/our world = our world is like a fabric made up of lots of strands woven together
It means “the structure of our world”


“The what?” Edward interrupted.
“What did you call it?”

“There’s no time to explain, Edward, but I think you know, don’t you?”
Seraphina continued.

“Edward. You have skills that I don’t have, ok?
I need you to locate the core, the central computer that controls our world, and disrupt it, with this.”

She held the device out to him.

“So? Are you in? Will you come with me?

Edward took one look into Seraphina’s dark eyes and felt himself hurtling through time.

Hurtling = moving at a very fast speed, in a slightly uncontrolled way


He nodded resolutely. “OK”

Done with firm determination


Together, they embarked on a journey that would challenge everything Edward knew about his so-called reality.

To embark on a journey (formal, literary – to set off, to start a journey)
So-called ← we use this to say that people call it this, but we are skeptical about it, and want to question it
“The so-called expert couldn’t answer basic questions about the subject.”
“Her so-called friends abandoned her when she needed them most.”


They visited hidden pockets of the city – places that he had never noticed before.

Pockets of something = small isolated places or groups of things (in this case – hidden ones)
Pockets of civilisation in the wilderness
Pockets of wealth in an otherwise poor country
Hidden pockets of the city


Doorways he had passed without a second glance

Without looking at / without noticing / without checking again / without thinking about
“She’d always walked past him without a second glance – assuming there was nothing interesting about him at all”


Dark corners where walls left gaps into vast undiscovered chambers and corridors,

Gaps – empty spaces
Vast – huge, massive, enormous, gigantic
Undiscovered – nobody had discovered them before
Chambers – huge rooms, or caves


shadows under trees which revealed themselves to be the mouths of unseen tunnels, all leading to the underworld.

The mouth of a tunnel


Here they met others who had also seen through the reality of the simulation, each with their own stories to tell.

To see through something
= to see something as it really is, to see beyond the way it looks on the surface

Over time, Edward and Seraphina grew closer.

As Edward’s love for Seraphina blossomed amidst the chaos of their quest, he felt a growing sense of purpose.

Blossomed = developed, grew, like blossom (on a tree)
Describes something growing and in bloom (with flowers growing)
Amidst = in the middle of
Chaos = total disorder, a situation where everything is completely confusing and disorganised
A sense of purpose = purpose = a reason why something is done = a sense of purpose is the feeling that there is a reason or objective for what you are doing
You understand the purpose of it, you understand why you are doing it


It was a love forged in the belief that they were both fighting for the ultimate truth – the chance to live a human life, in the real world.

To forge something = to make it from metal, using a lot of heat
This is a metaphor, meaning to make something with a lot of work and time
“We forged a strong friendship while travelling together, or while working together”
Passive: “Our friendship was forged on the battlefield”
Sounds literary and quite impressive, dramatic


But their journey was not without peril.

Peril = danger / a situation in which there is a lot of risk or threat of harm
To face the peril of crossing the street in Hanoi as a tourist.
Climbing to the top of the mountain involves great peril as you have to walk along very narrow paths and climb up vertical cliffs

On their way, they encountered those who guarded the simulation, and who had been watching them

To encounter someone or something = meet, come across
On our walk through the forest we encountered a bear with its cubs.
The bear saw us as a threat and attacked us, and we died. 🤷
Those” = the people / those people
Again – literary style
And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious
anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers
And you will know
My name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee! (Pulp Fiction / The Bible)

There are those who disapprove of all forms of gambling.
Those who saw the performance thought it memorable.


Formidable adversaries programmed to maintain the illusion of reality.

Formidable – strong, big, powerful – inspires fear, respect, awe – like a big, powerful warrior which you have to fight against
An adversary = someone you have to fight against, an opponent or enemy
Not just used for battles – could be for legal cases, sporting competitions etc
Adversarial (adj)
Strong enemies


Fierce battles ensued, sometimes beyond the confines of normal life, blending the lines between digital hallucination and tangible reality.

Fierce = very aggressive, intense, violent
Often for dangerous wild animals “The fierce lion roared, displaying its dominance over the territory.”
But other things too “Fierce winds battered the ship throughout the night”, or “Fierce battles took place”
Ensued = happened after, followed – happened as a result
Beyond the confines = outside the limits – in this case (on the edge of normal life, or on the edge of reality/the normal world)
Blending the lines = making the lines less clear (the lines between reality and a digital simulation)
A hallucination = things that you see or har which aren’t there – like if someone has taken a drug or is mentally ill
Digital hallucinations = somehow caused by digital code (I don’t understand how that could work)
Tangible = something that can be touched, felt and is therefore real and not imaginary or abstract
Tangible evidence of fraud
Tangible improvements in productivity
Tangible assets = physical assets that a company owns – e.g. buildings or machinery (as opposed to intangible things like debt owed to the company)


One moonlit night, Edward and Seraphina faced their most formidable adversary yet,

Moonlit = lit by the moon (to light – lit – lit)


a towering figure cloaked in shimmering pixels and black light, barring their way.

Towering = very tall, like the Tower of Westminster
Cloaked = wrapped in some kind of large material (a cloak) synonym of “shrouded”
Shimmering = shining and glittering
Pixels = individual units of light used in computer displays
Black light = a kind of ultraviolet light which is invisible to the human eye
Barring – to bar – barred – barred = to block someone from going somewhere
He was barred from entering
A car barred the way.
They were barred from the competition for cheating.


Edward activated the disruptor.

The world around them trembled, and the guardian faltered.

Trembled – shook slightly
Faltered – hesitated or stumbled (he lost his balance, fell slightly, stopped, was disrupted)


Seraphina seized the moment and struck a decisive blow, shattering the guardian’s code into fragments.

Seized = grabbed / took (normally take or grab with your hands, but you can also seize a moment, seize the day)
Strike a blow = strike = hit, a blow = an impact (she hit him or kicked him)
Shattering = breakinging into many little pieces (fragments)
Like if you drop a pint glass out of a window, or if you drop a big piece of glass on the ground, or if you do a roundhouse kick to a formidable warrior made of pixels in a digital simulation


With the guardian defeated, they pressed on, beyond the city limits, following a faint signal emanating from the disruptor in Edward’s hands.

Press on = keep going with some difficulty, like on a tough journey
Faint = weak (faint signal, faint sound, faint writing)
Emanating = coming from, coming out from (coming from a point of origin)
Resonate = vibrating through (the chimes of big ben resonated through the streets, the sound emanated from the bell in the tower)


It led them deep into the industrial wastelands on the far outskirts of the city, to a seemingly ordinary building.

Wastelands = areas where things used to happen but not any more – there are old things lying around, everything is old and damaged and wasted
Industrial wastelands = areas that used to be used for industrial activity (factories, warehouses) but now are unused
The outskirts = the areas on the edge of the city
Outskirts vs suburbs
Suburbs = residential areas around the outside the city (often nice places where there’s a bit more space and lots of homes)
Outskirts = also areas around the city, but the very edge, where the city becomes more rural – less populated, might include unpopulated areas


Inside, they found an unassuming room with one single computer terminal.

Unassuming = looks normal, not special, ordinary no reason to believe there’s any danger


A single cursor blinked on the screen.

Cursor = the little thing that blinks on a screen, showing where you can type. You move it with the mouse or trackpad, or with the keyboard


Edward approached the terminal, his hands trembling with anticipation.

Trembling = shaking slightly
Anticipation = with expectation of what’s going to come, getting ready for what’s coming


As he connected the disruptor, the room seemed to ripple, revealing its true nature.

Ripple = move in waves, like the surface of water (e.g. a calm pond if you throw in a small stone – the pond ripples)


It was a control centre, the hub of the simulation.

Hub = central point where things are all connected together
An internet hub = a kind of router where all the computers are connected to the internet
A transport hub = a place where lots of transport systems all meet (like Heathrow Airport or St Pancras station)
In this case – it was the central control centre for the simulation, and where all branches of the simulation were connected (or something)


The screen displayed a message:

“Welcome, Edward Wilson. You have come far. But do you really want to know the truth?”

Edward hesitated, his mind racing with doubts and fears.

He glanced at Seraphina who nodded encouragingly.

With determination, he typed a single word, “Yes.”

Instantly, the simulation began to unravel.

Unravel = come apart into different strands
If you have a woolen sweater, with one loose piece of wool. Pull it and the whole sweater will unravel.
The strands of the fabric will come apart.
If you have wound up some string and it all comes apart.


The cityscape dissolved into streams of code, and Edward and Seraphina found themselves standing in a vast, featureless void.

Dissolved = something solid turned into lots of tiny particles and disappeared
Dissolve some aspirin in water
The cityscape = the landscape of the city – turned into lots of tiny streams and disappeared
Vast – huge, massive, enormous, gigantic
Featureless = with no features, blank, empty
Void = a space with nothing in it at all (like a vacuum)
The world around them slowly disappeared leaving them in a completely blank, empty space

Edward looked at Seraphina.
“That was too easy”, he said.

Suddenly, the sound of a voice echoed around them, a voice that seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere.

Echoed = The sound bounced around and repeated (like when you shout in a tall stairwell or in a large stone room with a high ceiling, or a cave)
To echo / an echo
There’s an echo on the line. Your voice is echoing.


“Congratulations, Edward Wilson. You have chosen the path of truth.

But remember, reality is a complex tapestry,
and the threads of your existence are intertwined with the lives of countless others.”


A complex tapestry
A tapestry is a kind of work of art made from many threads of material – often making a large picture (a bit like a curtain or a carpet)
You start with a kind of mesh, and attach lots of threads of cotton or wool of different colours, making designs or a picture
Reality is a complex tapestry with many threads of existence all woven together.
Intertwined = the threads are all attached or wrapped up together – all connected
(like the cables of your headphones when you leave them in your pocket – tangled, but intertwined suggests something more organised)
Countless others = so many other people that you can’t count them
In real life your existence is connected very closely to millions of other people – you don’t live alone, but everything you do affects people around you.
Edward lived a sort of convenient isolated life in the simulation, but it’s not like that in the real world. It’s more complicated.


“Life in reality is neither simple nor easy. You must always choose, and choose wisely, for yourself, and for others.”

“What’s he talking about?” said Edward, turning to Seraphina.

But all of a sudden Seraphina seemed to slip away from him.

Slip away – move away gradually, as if she was standing on an icy hill and started sliding back


In the next few moments, Edward felt a profound sense of disorientation as his memories and experiences shifted and merged with the things around him.

Profound = deep and strong
Disorientation = confusion – not knowing where you are, which direction you are in, up, down, left, right – lost and confused.
Shifted = moved, changed position
Merged = combined or mixed together
(mergers and acquisitions)

(he’s coming out of the simulation)

He saw glimpses of different lives, different choices, all part of the intricate tapestry of the simulation.

Glimpses = quick looks
Catch a glimpse of something
To glimpse something
To glance at something
To glance around, etc


He saw himself and Seraphina living different, separate lives, never meeting, never knowing each other.

Panicking, Edward shouted for it to stop.

Then, just as suddenly as it had begun, the void collapsed, and Edward and Seraphina finally found themselves back in the real world, or so it seemed.

They stood on a hill overlooking the city, bathed in the warm light of dawn.

Overlooking = above, in a higher position where you can see the whole thing
My apartment overlooks a junction
My balcony overlooks the park
This hill overlooks the city (Primrose Hill in London)
Bathed – covered in light (bathe means lie in water, but also cover something in a warm light)
Dawn – the sunrise
Dusk – the sunset


The cityscape was familiar, yet subtly different.

The cityscape = the Landscape of the city
Subtle = with very slight details, nuanced
Subtly different → different in ways which are not completely obvious, small differences


Seraphina turned to Edward, a knowing smile on her lips.

A knowing smile = a smile which shows that the person knows something
In this case – she knows that they did it. They escaped the simulation, or ended it.


“Welcome to the real world, Edward,” she said. “We made it”.

We made it (doesn’t mean we created it) it means “We did it!”
“We were successful – we managed to arrive somewhere”
We’re late, but we made it! It took a long time but we made it in the end.
We’ll never make it at this rate.


Edward gazed at the transformed city, a sense of awe and wonder filling his heart.

Gazed = Looked at something with wonder (differnt to just “stare” – gaze is with a look of wonder or amazement)
A sense of awe (wow – this is awesome) when something is breathtaking, incredible,
A sense of wonder

The love he felt for Seraphina was real, and the truth they had uncovered was the most exhilarating adventure of his life.

Uncovered = Revealed
Exhilerating = Exciting and intense (like a rollercoaster ride)


As they embraced, the sun rose over the horizon, casting its golden rays upon a world that was now truly their own.

Embraced = held each other in their arms (hug, cuddle, difference?)
Embraced is more formal, literary, dramatic sounding. Hug sounds like what you do when you see your grandma.
Cuddle is what you do with a teddy bear on the sofa – lasts longer.


“You see?” said Seraphina.

“See what?” said Edward.

“I am real”

She said.

A smile arrived on Edward’s face.

And as Seraphina smiled too, he kissed her lips, and she kissed him back.

And that was when the explosions began.

What does the ending of the story mean to you?

885. Still Raining, Still Rambling (News, Comments, Questions, Guitars & Music)

Hang out with me while the rain pours down outside 🌧️ and in this episode I’ll talk about the problem of “faffing around” 😵‍💫 , podcast news & updates 📲, some stand-up comedy dates 🎤, comments on recent episodes 💬, some common questions from listeners 🙋, a lot of rambling about how I learned to play music 🎵, a tour of all the guitars in my podcast room 🎸 and a song at the end 🎶, with lyrics explained 👨‍🏫.

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