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10. Extra Podcast – Quick Hello 2

Just a quick “hello” from me and a chance to practise your listening skills with a funny comedy sketch. Full transcript available below.

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Full transcript to this episode
10 Extra Podcast – Quick Hello 2

You are listening to Luke’s English podcast. For more information visit teacherLuke.podomatic.com.

Hello, you are listening to Luke’s English podcast. This is not a full episode today.

This is just a quick message to say “hello” to everyone and to let you know that I am going on holiday for about five days. I am going to Spain, Alicante in the South of Spain to go rock climbing with some friends. So, I’ll be on holiday for a few days which means that I won’t be uploading another full podcast for about another week. I’ve got one prepared. It’s half finished but it’s not ready to be uploaded onto the internet, yet. So I’ll load that up when I get back from my holiday. It was my birthday yesterday and I had a little celebration down next to the river in a pub which is close to my house and some of my friends came and joined me and we had a few drinks and stuff and that was really great fun. I am on holiday from work for two weeks, now. So five or so of these days we’ll spend in Spain rock climbing. I’m looking forward to it very much. It’s gonna be great.
So this podcast is just a little extra message, just to kind of let you know that a new full podcast will be uploaded soon. So don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten about everyone and I haven’t forgotten to upload one. It’s just that I am busy having fun on holiday. Now I thought that just to give you something to listen to and to enjoy and to study while you wait for the next podcast, I would play you a little comedy clip. The comedy clip that I am gonna play you is by a comedy group from the UK called: Monty Python’s Flying Circus. – Now you might have heard of them. Let’s see – probably the most famous member of the group is John Cleese. And John Cleese is an actor who – he was in some James Bond movies as Q, the guy who gives James Bond all these machines and weapons and things and he is also in a very successful comedy called Fawlty Towers which is probably the most famous thing he’s ever done. But Monty Python’s Flying Circus was a group of comedians who came out of Oxford and Cambridge universities joined together to make one of the best and one of the most influential comedy programmes on television here in the UK. Everyone knows Monty Python and everyone loves them here and they are very, very popular. So I am going to play you a little comedy scene that they did. They performed it live at the Drury Lane theatre and I think 1974 – the title of this sketch is called The Four Yorkshire Men. Now a Yorkshire man is just a man who comes from Yorkshire.
Yorkshire is an area in the north of England, okay?
And basically the kind of comedy or the funny part of this sketch is….well, the fact that these four Yorkshire men basically are sitting together – if you can imagine – they are sitting together, drinking some very expensive wine because now, they are rich. They are old and rich, now. But they didn’t use to be rich. When they were children, and when they were growing up, they all had very, very difficult lives and they all were working-class-men who had to work very, very hard in a difficult life in order to get rich.
So, one of the things about this is that, when old men like that get together, they always talk about how hard their lives were in the past and how it’s really easy for young people, nowadays. And typically men like that will say things like, you know: The kids today don’t know they are born. Life is much easier for them than it was for us. They just don’t know, they are born. Or for example if they told a younger person how difficult their lives were, they might say things like: You tell the kids of today that and they won’t believe you, right? So it’s kind of typical things that old men say when they’re complaining about how their lives were very hard in the past and how young people’s lives now were easy in comparison.
And the conversation that they have is, they talk about how, when they were younger in their lives were so hard and they describe the difficult conditions that they had to live in when they were growing up.
But as they all talk about it, it becomes like a competition because they all have to describe a much harder life. So, if one says that he had to….for example, you know …when he drank tea..because they had no electricity he had to drink cold tea. And the other one would say: You were lucky, cold tea, you were lucky. We used to have to drink old water out of a rolled up newspaper.
So, they were kind of trying to explain they had much harder lives. And it is like a competition. Anyway, I think it’s very funny and you can listen to it here on the webpage. I’ll post a script of the sketch, so you can read that and understand it and hopefully enjoy it. And I will upload another podcast for you very soon and you can look forward to that.
So, thank you very much and I will speak to you again, soon.
Thank you!
Bye, bye, bye, bye!

Monty Python’s Flying Circus – The Four Yorkshiremen – Live at Drury Lane 1974 (buy the CD here)

FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
Aye, very passable, that, very passable bit of risotto.
SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:
Nothing like a good glass of Château de Chasselas, eh, Josiah?
THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
You’re right there, Obadiah.
FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
Who’d have thought thirty year ago we’d all be sittin’ here drinking Château de Chasselas, eh?
FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
In them days we was glad to have the price of a cup o’ tea.
SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:
A cup o’ cold tea.
FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
Without milk or sugar.
THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
Or tea.
FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
In a cracked cup, and all.
FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
Oh, we never had a cup. We used to have to drink out of a rolled up newspaper.
SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:
The best we could manage was to suck on a piece of damp cloth.
THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
But you know, we were happy in those days, though we were poor.
FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
Because we were poor. My old Dad used to say to me, “Money doesn’t buy you happiness, son”.
FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
Aye, he was right.
FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
Aye, he was.
FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
I was happier then and I had nothin’. We used to live in this tiny old house with great big holes in the roof.
SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:
House! You were lucky to live in a house! We used to live in one room, all twenty-six of us, no furniture, half the floor was missing, and we were all huddled together in one corner for fear of falling.
THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
Eh, you were lucky to have a room! We used to have to live in the corridor!
FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
Oh, we used to dream of livin’ in a corridor! Would have been a palace to us. We used to live in an old water tank on a rubbish tip. We got woke up every morning by having a load of rotting fish dumped all over us! House? Huh.
FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
Well, when I say ‘house’ it was only a hole in the ground covered by a sheet of tarpaulin, but it was a house to us.
SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:
We were evicted from our hole in the ground; we had to go and live in a lake.
THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
You were lucky to have a lake! There were a hundred and fifty of us living in a shoebox in the middle of road.
FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
Cardboard box?
THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
Aye.
FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
You were lucky. We lived for three months in a paper bag in a septic tank. We used to have to get up at six in the morning, clean the paper bag, eat a crust of stale bread, go to work down the mill, fourteen hours a day, week-in week-out, for sixpence a week, and when we got home our Dad would thrash us to sleep with his belt.
SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:
Luxury. We used to have to get out of the lake at six o’clock in the morning, clean the lake, eat a handful of hot gravel, work twenty hour day at mill for tuppence (two pence) a month, come home, and Dad would thrash us to sleep with a broken bottle, if we were lucky!
THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
Well, of course, we had it tough. We used to have to get up out of shoebox at twelve o’clock at night and lick road clean with tongue. We had two bits of cold gravel, worked twenty-four hours a day at mill for sixpence every four years, and when we got home our Dad would slice us in two with bread knife.
FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
Right. I had to get up in the morning at ten o’clock at night half an hour before I went to bed, drink a cup of sulphuric acid, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad and our mother would kill us and dance about on our graves singing Hallelujah.
FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
And you try and tell the young people of today that ….. they won’t believe you.
ALL:
They won’t!

Okay, I hope you understood that. I am sure that they will be things that you didn’t understand and in that case, you should go to the webpage. You can read a script of everything they are saying and if there are words that you don’t understand, you can check those words in the dictionary and that will help you. Another thing about that sketch is .because they are all Yorkshire men, they are speaking in a Yorkshire accent. So, you know all sorts of speaking are a bit like this.

In those days we were happy even though we were poor
So, that’s the sort of typical Yorkshire accent, I suppose.
If you are actually listening to this and you are from Yorkshire, I apologize if my Yorkshire accent wasn’t very good.
So, anyway, right! So, check the webpage. You can read this script there and it’ll help you to understand it. That’s the end of this short podcast and I will speak to you again soon.
Take care! Bye, bye, bye, bye

4. Extra Podcast – Quick Hello

Transcript available below.

Right click here to download this episode.
Hi, this is just a quick extra podcast to say hello and to let you know there are more podcasts coming soon. Also in this episode you can listen to a comedy sketch about speaking English. More information and a transcript for the comedy sketch below…

I’m preparing episodes 4, 5 & 6 at the moment and I’ll upload them soon. Episode 4 is about Joaquin Phoenix, with a language section about beliefs and opinions. Episode 5 is about men and women, and episode 6 is about vampires! with a language section on describing feelings and emotions.

Also, as a bonus extra in this podcast you can listen to the audio from a comedy sketch from the BBC comedy show Big Train. You can see a transcript, and watch the YouTube video below. Do you think it’s funny? What is it about? Let me know: luketeacher@hotmail.com Enjoy!

TRANSCRIPT: Extra Podcast – Quick Hello

You are listening to Luke’s English podcast. For more information visit teacherLuke.podamatic.com.

Hello to everyone out there in podcast land. This is Luke and I’m just sending you a quick message. This isn’t a full podcast. Just a quick message to say hello to you and to say thanks for downloading and to let you know that more episodes of the podcast are coming. I am producing them at the moment. So more episodes will be coming very soon you’ll be able to download episodes four and  five and episode six.

Episode four is about the Hollywood actor Joaquin Phoenix and there will be some language some useful language you can use to describe your beliefs and opinions. Episode five is going to be about men and women, the differences and similarities between men and women and the way in which we communicate with each other.

Let’s see, episode six is going to be about vampires and about the movie ‘Twilight’ which is a big hit which has recently being released on DVD and there will be some useful language about emotions and describing feelings.

So more episodes will be uploaded on the internet soon and you will be able to listen to them and download them.

So thanks again for listening and downloading. Don’t forget to send me an email. Luketeacher@hotmail.com and I will speak to you again soon.

bye for now

bye

bye

bye

Okay, just this is a little bonus extra I am going to leave you with a little audio clip which comes from a BBC TV show, comedy show called ‘Big Train’ and in this clip you’ll hear a woman asking for help in English.

So, I am interested to see if you think it’s funny and if you understand it. I will also post the video on my web page and I will also include a transcript of the conversation so that you can understand it more.

Do you find it funny? And what do you think is funny about it. What’s the joke, okay? So, I am interested to hear what you think.

And here is the audio clip:

. .

Comedy Sketch transcript:

Woman: Excuse me… excuse me. Sorry, erm… do you speak English?

Man: No I don’t, sorry.

Woman: Erm. My car’s broken down and I wondered if you could tell me where to find a garage.

Man: Well, y’know, that’s wasted on me. I don’t understand what you’re saying.

Woman: You don’t speak any English at all?

Man: Not a word. No. It’s one of those things really… I wish I’d paid more attention in school… but, um, [to another man] excuse me, excuse me… sorry. Do you speak any English?

Man 2: English? No. What’s the problem?

Man: I don’t know I can’t understand her.

Woman: Hi, err, my car’s broken down and I need to find a garage.

Man 2: No, I’m sorry. I didn’t understand that at all…

Woman: All right, well… thanks.

Man: I tell you what, if you go down that way, about half a mile, there’s a village. There might be somebody there that speaks English.

Woman: Ich speaking bisschen Deutsch. Sprechen Sie Deutsch?  [She says in German: I speak a little German. Do you speak German?]

Man: Deutsch, nein. Spreckenzie Deutch?

Man 2: Deutch, nein. Aber ich bin nicht fließend [He speaks fluent German…]

Man: I’m sorry we couldn’t be more help.

Man 2: Yeah, sorry about that. Hey, you never know… next time you’re over, maybe we’ll have learned a bit of English.

Man: oder Deutsch vielleicht. [in German} or German!

Ja, das wäre toll

Woman: Thanks anyway…

[She walks away}

Man: I can speak English

Man 2: So can I!

[They laugh…]

Episode 1 – Introduction

The first episode of Luke’s English Podcast. Full transcript available below.

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TRANSCRIPT
Hello, and welcome to Luke’s English podcast – the podcast for learners of English. This is the very first podcast that I’ve done and it will be the first of many more podcasts that you will be able to download and listen to in the future, so because this is the first podcast, it’s a bit short, it’s shorter than the other ones will be and in this podcast basically I’m going to introduce myself to you so that you can get to know me a little bit and then I’m going to tell you about what is going to happen in other podcasts in the future.

Let’s see, first of all my name’s Luke – Luke Thompson. Now the name Luke can be a little bit difficult for learners of English to pronounce sometimes and I meet lots of people who can’t pronounce my name and they call me Look or maybe Luck, but it’s not Look or Luck, it’s Luke of course, and let’s see, I live in London. I work as an English teacher in an English language school in West London and I’ve been teaching English for about 8 years now. I first started teaching in Japan and I lived in Japan for two years in an area near Tokyo called Kanagawa Prefecture and I taught English there for two years and it was really great, I had a really good time. It was a very interesting experience for me and I’ve got lots of interesting stories to tell about my time in Japan. So, I taught there for two years and then I came back to London and I have been teaching English in London for about six years now. I’ve worked in a few different schools. I used to work in a school near Oxford Street and I worked in another school in Waterloo and now I work in a school which has two buildings, one in Holland park and the other one in Chiswick in West London and I enjoy my job very much because I get to meet lots of very interesting people, possibly people like you, people who need to learn English and they come to London. They come to my school, for example and it’s very interesting for me to meet these people from around the word and to introduce them to the English language and the English culture as well.

Let’s see, as well as being a teacher, an English teacher, I’m also interested in lots of other things. I love music, I’m a big music fan, for example I love the Beatles, of course, because I’m English and we all love the Beatles don’t we? So, I love the Beatles and I love lots of different kinds of music as well. I play music sometimes, I play the drums and I play the guitar. I’m not very good at the guitar to be honest I’m just trying to learn how to do that, but I’ve been playing drums for a long time now. I play in a band at the school and we play concerts sometimes and that’s really great fun. I’m also into lots of other things. I love movies and I like sport, like football of course, again because I’m English and we all love football, right? and I also like rock climbing too.

So, that’s just a little bit of information about me and, OK, now I’m also interested in you, and your opinions and your stories and your questions as well, so if you have any questions for me, if there are stories that you’d like to tell me, you can email me. Now at the end of each podcast I will actually ask you a question and I really want this to be an interactive podcast, which means that you can email me your answers to the question that I will ask you at the end of the podcast and it will be a chance for you to tell me what you think about some of the things that we’ll be talking about. So if you want to email me you can write to this address, its: Luketeacher@hotmail.com and I’ll be very glad to hear from you.

You’re still listening to Luke’s English Podcast. If you’d like some more information visit teacherluke.podomatic.com.

Now, let me tell you about the podcast. Now obviously this is the fist podcast so it’s slightly different from podcasts in the future, but really what is so fantastic about this podcast is that the whole thing will be real, natural British English so that means that if you are interested in having a good listening experience, practising your listening but also finding something that will be interesting and entertaining and fun then this is the podcast for you. Like I said, it will all be totally natural British English, so the sort of English that I speak with my friends for example, the kind of real English that people in Britain speak all the time. I record the podcast here in my apartment in London. At the moment I’m sitting on my sofa and it’s a Saturday morning. So I record the podcast at home in my free time and a typical podcast will have three parts: the first part will be a little bit of conversation with me. So I might talk about something that’s happening at the moment. So possibly a news story or what’s been going on recently and I will also answer your questions and I will read out your comments that you send to me via the email address that I read out earlier on.

That’s the first part, the second part of the podcast will be a feature. So that means that it will be probably an interview with someone, so I might interview one of my friends or interview a member of my family and so you’ll be able to listen to a natural conversation between native speakers for example. It will be like you are spending time with some native English speakers. I know it’s difficult to find native English speakers to meet and talk to but if you listen to this podcast you’ll be able to listen to me talking to some of my friends or family, so again, a really good chance for you to listen to natural British English being spoken. So, like I said, the second part will be a feature, maybe an interview with someone. I might for example go into London and interview people on the street or I’ll interview people I meet in the pub, for example and we’ll talk about lots of interesting topics.
Then the third part of the podcast I will look at some of the language that I’ve used in part one and part two and I’ll actually teach you some really useful vocabulary and really useful expressions, the kind of natural language that normal British people speak when they talk to each other.

So this podcast is a really good chance for you to try and push your level of English up and if you start using some of the vocabulary that you hear on this podcast you can really start to push your level up to an advanced level of English. Another good thing about the podcast is that you can download it from the internet. You can put it on to your ipod or your mp3 player and then you can listen to it anywhere you like, I mean, you can listen to this on the bus on the way to work, or on your way to school. You can listen to it maybe when you are in the gym doing your exercise. I mean you can listen to it anywhere you like, I mean, you can listen to it on the toilet for example or maybe when you’re having a bath! I suppose that might be a bit weird or a bit strange if you’re listening to me while you are having a bath or when you are on the toilet! but I mean I don’t really care, I don’t really care where you are or what you’re doing as long as you actually listening to the podcast, that’s the most important thing for me. Also you can listen to this anywhere in the world, so if you’ve come to London to study English – you might have been at my school, you might have been one of my students and if you come to London and then you go back to your country you can keep downloading and listening to this podcast from your country and it’s a really good chance to extend your British English learning experience. Now, there are lots of other podcasts that you can download from the internet, lots of learning English podcasts. If you go to iTunes, if you’ve got iTunes on your computer for example, if you go to the iTunes store and do a search for learning English podcasts you’ll find lots of different English language podcasts available, but in my opinion most of them are rubbish actually and I think that this will be probably better than all the others! Now I’m not being very modest there, but I think I’m just being confident, which is a good thing, but I’ve listened to a lot of other podcasts that you can find on the internet and first of all most of them seem to be American and they have American English – which is fine because American English is great and all that – but you might want to listen to British English, right? Or sort of London English which is what I can offer in this podcast. So also a lot of the podcasts that I’ve listened to seem to be very patronising, and by patronising I mean that they talk to you like you’re a bit stupid, or maybe like you’re a bit of a child so they might be something like:
“Welcome to the American English podcast from podcasts.com. Today’s podcast is about dogs. Dogs are a kind of pet that you keep in your home or in your house…”,
for example, right? Sort of, a bit slow, a bit boring and a bit patronising so I think that this podcast will be hopefully more interesting than that, not as patronising, not very boring hopefully, sort of natural and fun and you will actually want to listen to it for entertainment so it’s not like studying but more like just something that you listen to just because it’s interesting I hope so anyway.
So, I think that’s it really, that’s the end of this first podcast. Don’t forget to listen to the second one and the third one because they will be more interesting than this because they’ll be things like interviews with people and other stuff like that.

So, I’d like to end this podcast with a question which I would like you to answer through the email address and the question is: What would you like me to talk about? so what would you like to hear me talk about on this podcast? so send me a question. It could be a question about perhaps Britain or British culture or about London or it could be a question about English – if you’ve got a question about English vocabulary or grammar I’m happy to answer your questions on the podcast. So, that’s the first question: what would you like me to talk about? And that’s it, that’s the end of the podcast. Don’t forget you can email me at: Luketeacher@hotmail.com. I’m very much looking forward to hearing from you in the future, so that’s it.. bye bye bye bye….