In this episode you can listen to 30 minutes of my stand-up comedy performance from last Friday in Paris.
Right-click here to download the audio episode.
128. Luke’s Stand-Up Comedy Show
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Author Archives: Luke Thompson
Mini Podcast – Feeling Nervous
This is a mini-episode about feeling nervous. It contains lots of vocabulary, listed below.
Here is vocabulary I use in this podcast. All the vocabulary and expressions relate to the subject of feeling nervous.
FEELING NERVOUS
I get butterflies in my stomach
I can’t relax
My palms get sweaty
I keep having to go to the toilet
I lose my appetite
I lose the ability to think straight
My mind starts going off in lots of different directions at the same time
My leg starts shaking and jumping up and down when I’m sitting
I become clumsy
I get distracted easily
My neck goes stiff
I keep sighing, huffing and puffing
I keep having to take deep breaths
I start speaking too fast
My mouth goes dry
I get stress headaches
I get flatulence, which is quite embarrassing
I start craving cigarettes
I bite my nails and pick my lips
I get songs stuck in my head
I lose confidence
But
I get an adrenaline rush
I feel really excited
It feels like time slows down
I start coming up with funny ideas
If it’s a good gig then I can feed off the energy of the audience and ad-lib or improvise
It feels l Ike a collaboration with the audience
But I lose my memory on stage
I forget my material, which forcesme to do stupid things and start clowning around on stage
Afterwards I feel elated and relieved
I get a kind of natural high
Everyone wants to be my friend and I can bask in the glorying a good gig
But then I realize that I will just have to do it all over again the next time…
127. Computer Games
Luke gives his personal history of computer games.
Right-click here to download this episode.
This episode is all about computer games or video games, from the early days of PONG, Space Invaders and Pac-Man to the multi-billion dollar industry that we have today.
While talking in this episode I use various pieces of vocabulary to describe comptuer games and the games industry. Scroll down this page and you can find a list of expressions, phrases and sentences that I say in the episode.
Also, if you scroll down you can watch some videos about computer games which I think you might enjoy and find interesting.
What’s in this episode?
1. I’ll give you my own personal history of computer games (from my first hand-held Nintendo Game&Watch device, to the PS3 that I now have in my living room).
2. I’ll discuss some questions and issues that relate to computer games.
What do you think? I am very interested to know what you think about games, so please JOIN THE DEBATE by leaving your comments in response to this episode and these questions:
-What do you think of computer games? Do you love them or hate them?
-Do you think they’re sad or cool?
-Do you like all games or just some specific ones?
-Do you prefer any games genres more than others?
-Do you play games often, or do you avoid them completely?
-Are they just for boys or do girls play them too?
-Are they just for children, teenagers or adults?
-Do you think they are a good use of your time, or just a total waste of time?
-Are they bad for us, or do they help to keep us fit and teach us skills?
-Are they a good way to connect with people, or are they anti-social?
-Are they immoral or just a bit of fun?
-Can they be the future of entertainment? Will they replace movies as a way to tell a good story?
-Can computer games ever become an art-form?
Listen to the podcast to hear me discuss some of these questions and please leave your comments below this post.
VOCABULARY, PHRASES, EXPRESSIONS AND SENTENCES FROM THIS EPISODE
You should read these while listening to the episode. This page is not supposed to be read like a blog entry, it is here to help you understand the audio episode.
*I recommend that you double click words you don’t know, then paste into google or an online dictionary to get definitions*
Many people believe that computer games are just something that is used or done by geeky teenage boys with no friends who never go outside, never see the sun and who just spend all of their time indoors playing games and maybe learning how to become a murderer or something like that.
Maybe we can use America as a kind of benchmark for the way games are consumed all over the world.
Generally speaking I think the trends in America are quite reflective of trends in the rest of the world, more or less, when it comes to computer games anyway.
Consoles – e.g. the Playstation 3, the Nintendo Wii and the XBox 360
There’s a massive variety of games now and they come ‘in all shapes and sizes’.
My girlfriend got completely addicted to Angry Birds.
Games still have a long way to go before they can rival art forms like film or novels in the way that they can tell stories, but they have so much potential in terms of the way they are interactive.
I was born in 1977 and computer games had been around for quite a while when I arrived.
Atari were the original, old-school, retro computer games maker. (They weren’t retro at the time, but now they are really retro!)
IN 1972 they came up with a very early computer game concept, called PONG. (In fact Atari were later sued for allegedly stealing the idea of Pong from someone else)
It was very basic, it was very simple and essentially it was a kind of table tennis or tennis simulator.
You might have even played it, maybe on an emulator on your PC.
There was a little white ball, which was basically a tiny square made of probably about 4 pixels.
The white lines represented your bats, your table tennis bats or your tennis rackets.
It was very basic, but somehow very addictive.
There was something satisfying about the analogue sounds that you got from this game – BOP BIP BOP BIP.
It started out as an arcade machine.
A computer games arcade
Coin-operated games machines
It wasn’t until the early 70s that electronic games were introduced.
They introduced the very first games console, which had a space in the top where you could insert cartridges and the cartridges would be different games.
You could plug this thing into your TV and then “bingo” you’ve got your own tennis simulator.
He brought home some sort of Pong copy of some kind, that he borrowed from a friend I think, and he plugged it into the TV and then we started playing Pong.
I remember there were these kind of dials or paddles that we used to control the line going up and down.
The next game that I got was after my Dad had been to Hong Kong on business.
Hand-held games, e.g. the Game Boy
It had a little arm that would come out of the back and you could prop it up on your bedside table. It would work like an alarm clock.
It was a combination between a bedside alarm clock and a computer game.
The guys in the parachutes would slowly descend.
At the start it was easy because they would just come down one by one.
You’ve got to be very fast with your thumbs in order to catch these guys in parachutes.
You see this little shark’s fin coming through the water, and then they get eaten by the shark!
It was quite a lot of fun, and required quite a lot of skill and dexterity in your thumbs.
The Sinclair ZX Spectrum – it had something like 64k of RAM. (not Random Assisted Memory but Random ACCESS Memory)
You could write code so you could program your own games.
You had to load computer games onto it using a tape player.
They were pretty unreliable and they would crash quite a lot.
It crashed and it never worked again.
An AMSTRAD CPC 6128
I wouldn’t say it was a next-generation computer.
You’d put the cassette in the tape machine, rewind it, get the computer ready.
It would go into a ready mode and then you’d press play on the machine.
You could hear the sound of the code going in. It was a kind of analogue code.
Very slowly the game would load.
Probably about 50% of the time, they wouldn’t work.
If you even breathed on the computer, the chances were that it would crash.
The title screen would be some sort of picture to represent the game.
You’d keep your fingers crossed that it would crash.
BMX Simulator had a top down view.
There were these little, very basic looking, little blobs.
You had to avoid puddles of water.
Everyone would have to crowd around the keyboard.
Not very practical but certainly a lot of fun.
You had to type in the code in order to launch a game.
You had to learn a basic set of commands.
You had to control a little car going through a valley.
A valley, made of ‘number 1s’.
We used to actually want to get up early in order to play the games.
The Nintendo Entertainment System (NES) arrived.
I had a paper round. I was a paperboy.
I saved all my money from the paper round and I used it to buy my first NES.
If you don’t know who Mario is then I don’t know where you’ve been.
More American kids were able to identify Super Mario than Mickey Mouse.
A very playable platform adventure.
Super Mario was an Italian plumber.
He used to travel through these green pipes.
Don’t ask me why he was Italian.
They gave him a hat, and they also gave him a mustache.
She was constantly being kidnapped either by Donkey Kong or by Bowser, who was a kind of huge green monster, some sort of evil turtle.
It was up to Mario to find his way through these different worlds in order to defeat Bowser and rescue the princess.
Make sure that you don’t fall in holes.
The sound effects were really great and very memorable.
If you get touched by a turtle, then you would die. I don’t know why if a turtle touches your foot then you would die.
There were various little touches in this game that made it very special.
You felt that he had a sense of weight.
There was a sensation that he had some inertia.
I don’t know what kind of mushrooms Mario was eating.
Not real-world logic there.
All kinds of spin-off games.
It was basically just a grey plastic box with a lid on top.
The Game Boy (1989)
It was a very simple design, very appealing, a very nice aesthetic, very simple layout and everything.
It just oozed charm.
The cute noises that this machine would make.
It was a 2 bit machine.
Any yet with all of these basic limitations, Nintendo managed to produce some really classic games.
It just shows, you don’t need amazing graphics, you don’t need high-quality HD graphics.
All you need is a, kind of, inventive game designer, a simple set of rules and addictive gameplay.
TETRIS
God knows how Nintendo managed to get the rights to put it on the Game Boy.
It’s an interesting story of espionage and computer games.
It was very difficult to master the game.
You get a square, an oblong, a little higgledy-piggledy shape.
You have to make sure that the blocks don’t all pile up.
My parents didn’t really agree with games. They frowned on them. (frowned on / frowned upon)
Once they started playing Tetris, they got hooked, and they couldn’t put it down.
You could play Tetris for hours on end without even realising that the time had gone by.
In fact, if you played Tetris too long you would experience ‘Tetrisitis’!
Eventually you start seeing the graphics wherever you go.
That just shows how engrossing and how, kind of, addictive and fun these games are, that you just get completely sucked into them. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I wonder, I really do.
So after the NES and after the Game Boy, the next console that I got was the Super Nintendo Entertainment System (SNES or Super Famicon in Japan).
It was a lot more powerful than the NES and it had much better graphics and there was a huge range of new games that you could get for it.
As a result you got lots of innovation.
It also looked cool. It was nicely rounded. It looked like it was out of the Star Wars universe in some way. It was kind of grey plastic and it was kind of rounded. It just looked nice, and when you put the cartridge in the top it made a satisfying ‘clunk’ sound. You’d put the cartridge in and it would go ‘CLUNK’. And there was a big button in the middle to eject the cartridge, and when you ejected it would pop out like a toaster.
I had a particular trick at Christmas time for getting tips as a paperboy.
They then felt obliged to give me a cash tip.
I spent my money, wisely, on a SNES.
I bought a SNES which was packaged with Street Fighter 2.
Essentially Street Fighter 2 is a fighting game, a beat-em-up.
Whenever you get punched your power level goes down a bit until eventually your power level reaches zero and you get knocked out.
The key to the game was learning the particular fighting style for that character, learning all their special moves and mastering them so that you could do the special moves in an instant.
Other characters were ones like Ken and Ryu who were the principle characters in this game, and they had a kind of a … sort of a karate style.
One of their special moves was to throw fireballs. So they’d summon up some special energy and then release it as a burning blue ball of plasma of some kind, and if that hit you then it would take away a lot of energy from you. That was one of their special moves and whenever they did it they would say a special command “HA-DO-KEN!”
It was a very effective move.
The dragon punch could inflict multiple hits.
“HA-RYU-KEN”
These characters were so well drawn, so well rendered, they were like super heroes. They way they looked on screen, they were big tough guys, with rippling muscles. They were like Greek gods.
I always used to think that the characters were saying “HELLO KEN” “HOW ARE YOU KEN?”
When I read the instruction manual (I realised) that no, they were just speaking Japanese.
I was dedicated to Nintendo.
I used to hate Sega. I shouldn’t have done because they had some great games too.
SONY PLAYSTATION
One of the things they managed to do was aim their marketing at older gamers.
What SONY started to do was combine the gaming experience with the home entertainment experience.
You can play Blu-Ray discs.
Now we’ve also go the Nintendo Wii, which is strangely named, because a wee is something you do in the toilet, so now you can have a Wii in your living room!
It brought Nintendo back.
The thing about the Wii is that it’s got motion sensors.
Your body becomes the controller, as it were.
This is a huge step… a huge change.. a huge innovation for Nintendo.
You just replicate the action from the real world.
You swing your arms and the motion sensor in the controller knows what you’re doing and it replicates it on the screen. Wow, amazing!
As a result, loads of girls started playing Wii.
It also allowed people all over the world to smash their TV sets.
Nintendo decided that you had to wear a strap around your wrist.
You just have to take my word for it.
I probably shouldn’t have spent so much time playing games with my friends.
We had a game called Goldeneye.
It allowed you to run around in rooms, as different characters from the James Bond movies, trying to kill each other.
We spent a lot of time murdering each other in virtual reality.
Why didn’t you join the student union radio and become a DJ?
Ultimately, playing games doesn’t allow you to achieve anything, it’s just fun in itself.
After a while I start feeling guilty because I know that I should be using that time to do something important like organising my finances.
Those are all things I should be doing rather than playing Red Dead Redemption.
It’s just like a big Sergio Leone western, except that you’re in it.
They’re really exciting and exhilarating.
Very violent, very gruesome murder.
There are lots of very wholesome games, like farming simulators. (but why not just try farming in the real world??)
A game like Grand Theft Auto is generally considered to be great because it gives you lots of freedom.
You can mug someone, you can shoot someone but you can’t give someone a bunch of flowers.
Why is it that computer games focus so much on bloody violence?
Maybe we all really would love to go outside and blow things up, but obviously we can’t.
I don’t think there is more murder or more killing now than there was before games arrived. I’m sure that the world was a lot more savage, a lot more brutal hundreds of years ago before anyone even considered the idea of computer games.
I don’t think it’s fair to say there are more killings, considering the number of people who play games.
I don’t think the number of police shootings (shootings of policemen) has not significantly increased since the release of that game. (this just speculation of course)
I don’t think it’s as simple as that.
Maybe it’s cathartic. It allows you to release tension or aggression.
The violence is more realistic and artificial intelligence is evolving all the time.
At what point will it become genuinely immoral?
That opens up all sorts of questions which have already been dealt with in films like Blade Runner.
It’s not really anti-social, it’s just a different kind of socialising.
Online people abuse each other, because there’s that sense of anonymity.
Also it allows people to develop genuine kinds of team work.
It allows people to develop a very refined sense of team work skills.
It’s not really that much different to playing a board game like draughts or Monopoly.
Also, some people say that games allow you to develop quick reflexes and basic motor skills, and decision making skills.
Are they analytic decision making skills? Do they involve making really strategic decisions?
It depends on what kind of game you’re playing.
Games are not mindless, not by any means.
They’re on a similar level as a basic Hollywood B movie.
Normally it’s some sort of visceral feeling, like excitement or fear.
I very rarely experience genuine emotion, sadness, I’ve never cried during a game, except maybe during The Legend of Zelda.
I don’t think games really elicit emotions in the same way that watching the subtle ways in which actors’ faces can convey meanings. Movies can be like fine art, but I haven’t yet experienced a game that’s like fine art. Sure some of them are aesthetic, they’re beautiful, some games but they rarely make me feel emotional. And usually the acting in games is appalling. You get these cut-scenes in which the story line moves on, and they’re just like… awful acting, as I’ve said the story lines are predictable and dull, full of cliches, so sorry computer games have got a long way to go before they can reach the same kind of level of emotional complexity that you get from a film.
At best, they’re like exploitative Hollywood ‘B’ movies, horror movies, westerns, that kind of thing.
If you’ve played a game that genuinely moved you, or that you found emotional, then, again let me know.
I think that’s pretty much it for this episode.
CHECK OUT THESE VIDEOS ABOUT COMPUTER GAMES
Charlie Brooker’s “How Videogames Changed The World”. This is a BBC documentary about computer games. It is a satirical and humerous look at the history of computer games.
‘Videogame Nerd’ talks about PONG consoles. My Dad brought home a Pong console some time in the 1980s, and we played it for about 2 weeks, before it disappeared from our living room.
Nintendo Game & Watch – Parachute (This is the first game I had as a child)
A short review of the British home computer, the Sinclair ZX Spectrum, which we had in our home for about 1 day before it crashed and never worked again! It was a classic computer though, and although it was very basic, it was used by lots of British teenagers to write their own computer games. This review gets a bit boring and technical but it does clearly show you the computer and how it worked.
Super Mario Frustration
This is a funny commentary video with someone playing a very difficult level of Super Mario Brothers. He gets very angry and starts shouting at Mario. It always makes me laugh. There is some STRONG LANGUAGE and SWEARING in this video so watch out!
Street Fighter 2 on the SNES. This video makes me feel quite nostalgic. I used to play this quite a lot when I was about 13 or 14 years old. I still play it on my PS3 sometimes these days. “HA DOOO KEN!”
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RPj63Ms_q3M&w=400&h=300]
This is why you should take care when playing Nintendo Wii
Here’s a playthough of the classic western game Red Dead Redemption. The commentator is a game reviewer called Stan Burdman. Don’t take everything he says seriously, as he makes a lot of jokes while he talks. This video should show you how games have developed since they first arrived in the late 60s/early 70s. No real rabbits were harmed during the making of this video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e5VL3h6XvAE&
126. Your Emails, Comments and Questions
Luke responds to your messages with questions about English, and more.
Right-click here to download this episode.
Thank you very much for your emails and comments over the last few months! I am going to reply to some of them here.
I get loads of emails in my inboxes and unfortunately there’s no way I can respond to them all. I’d end up spending all my time at my computer and that’s neither possible nor healthy. Nevertheless, please continue to send me messages. I really love hearing from you. I find it motivating and encouraging. Also, your messages tell me a lot about the people I am talking to on the podcast.
There are lots of ways to get in touch with me: FB, twitter, comments on Pod, comments on Blog, emails, youtube comments, youtube emails, LinkedIn, AudioBoo etc. I appreciate your messages, but I can’t always respond. I like it best when people leave comments on this website, either under episodes of in the forum (click the Discussion Forums link in the menu above).
Below you can read some comments, messages and questions I have received in the last few months. In the podcast you can listen to me responding to these comments. This is just a selection of some of the messages I’ve had. Not every comment is included here. Some I have already replied to or dealt with before.
THE BACKGROUND MUSIC is all produced/made by my brother. You can check out his youtube channel here to listen to more tunes.
COMMENTS, MESSAGES AND QUESTIONS (I reply to these during the episode)
I just listened to your first podcast and I was wondering, do I have to do the ‘interactive’ things (like asking questions, etc.,) now? I mean, the first one is not new so I don’t know if I’m supposed to do it or not.
Rei
| Somebody left a comment on your episode:I love when you bring more people to the podcast because that’s when it really becomes natural English. In my opinion you use rather simple expressions when you speak on your own, probably because as you are a teacher and you are used to using words that your students understand. But do no misunderstand me, I love your podcast. I always listen to them on my way to uni. Sometimes I have to turn up the volume of my mp3 to a harmful limits, because I cannot hear with all the noise of the bus.Is there any possibility that the podcasts were louder? (I’m sorry if I sounded too fussy). Thanks for your podcasts and keep doing a great job! |
| Somebody left a comment on your episode:I like your accent and voice, Luck |
| Somebody left a comment on your episode:Teacher Luke! I’m sure you will make great podcasts in Paris. I’m sad I couldn’t have time to answer your questions… I’m so sorry. I wish I could have contributed to your next podcasts. Could you talk about british bands, please ? : ) Just yesterday I listened to my competition entry again and I noticed that nowadays I sound much better than that. That’s because I always take your pieces of advice ( not adviceS ) for learning and try to copy your pronunciation because you speak clearly without patronizing your listeners. I’ve been listening to your podcasts for about 8 months now and I can say that my english it’s not the same anymore. It’s visible that you enjoy what you do because when people love what the y do, they do it much better. Thank you so much !! |
hello,luke!how are u doing?i am ABDENOUR from Algeria and I am a regular listener of your podcasts.in fact I do listen to them almost everyday.yet,it’s been a long time since u haven’t recorded a podcast;we do miss your qualitative and educative podcasts really!luke,can I ask you afavour? i would really like it if u record some podcasts on british culture.that would be a mind-boggling thing really…
|
October – XxxYyy wrote:
Have you ever said something more about collocations? I just realized how important they’re to sound naturally.
ps. Have you mentioned Radiohead in the latest episode? Was in used just as an example or not? If not, high five! Their music has grown on me recently. So much I’m die hard fan now.
Thanks for sharing your awesomeness with all of us.
Don’t let wild city cats to eat you.
| Somebody left a comment on your episode: (Vocabulary Review 1-11)Good idea to brush up on old stuff. I’m really into this kind of episode. Thanks Luke and Kate! |
Somebody left a comment on your episode:why don’t u have the full transcription of this podcast??? I need it :(
|
Somebody left a comment on your episode:
Wow! Sorry Luke for asking you to do something unnecessary, you are not only a great Master in English,but also an awesome computer teacher.
| COMPUTER TEACHER! :=[] |
| NoHealer JustPain left a comment on your episode:Luke, as I proceed to listen a strange thought occurs to me, you could simply dub cartoons for children, and for adult as well. P.S. Excuse me for my excessive activity. |
Carlos Vega (cool name)
Hi Luke!! what’s up?
Please, can I ask you a question? I need your help about an english issue…
Take a look please:
1) I’ve got several fruits in the kitchen, such as apples, oranges, bananas,…
2) I’ve got several fruits in the kitchen, for example apples, oranges, bananas,…
3) I’ve got several fruits in the kitchen, for instance apples, oranges, bananas,…
My question is: are all them correct sentences?? If so…which one would you use?? (I mean, as a native speaker, which one is the most common??)
Thanks in advance, I’m really following your podcasts as I told you on my last email, good job man.
Cheers from Barcelona…Spain :p
lloydo commented on Messing Around with Accents and Voices
I love talking about accents with my students. As a Canadian I like to point out how my English is different from Standard American – which from the point of view of a Brit probably isn’t that big. It’s also pretty interesting to talk about what you can learn about a person from their accent; there is actually quite a lot! It’s also great to get them thinking about accents in their own language too.
Hi, I’m Chiara from Italy and I NEED to improve my english because my boyfriend leave Italy to stay in Ireland. So I think this is a nice way to try to reduce the “distance” :) thank you!
| Somebody left a comment on your episode:Some more minutes talking about Bob Dylan music and so on would have been great. Not so bad the idea of English Anxiety Podcast :-) Thanks both for the episode. |
Somebody left a comment on your episode:
Hey Luke, this has been really an interesting and different kind of podcast. When you said that there is probably someone out with that profile I thought it could be me becouse a few weeks ago I had a dream in wich you appeared. I dont know why I was in your flat and I dont know why I had the flat´s key either. I just remember that you were there with your girlfriend and we had a normal conversation ( but it was kinda strange becouse we talked to each other as we have met before when it wasnt really like that ). I think I had that dream becouse sometimes I listen to your podcast before I go to bed. But definitely Im not the person from your profile lol. Take care Luke.
Hi teacher Luke, My name’s Diego Lucas and I really want to thank you for all your videos on youtube, they are all very usefull to me.
Teacher, I really want to understand why sometimes I can understand every single word that you speak and it’s so hard to understand people that speak to you on your videos.
Greeting from Brazil, Sao Paulo.
Hello Luke,
I’m Thomas, Frenchman currently settled in China, I’m from Lille, maybe you heard of it since it’s not far from England. I’m moving to the English-speaking part of Canada next year and try to improve my English by listening Pod casts , series, reading novels or using any material I can find through the internet. I stumbled upon yours today and really appreciate it, I’ll recommend it to all my English learning Chinese friends, keep up the good work, please. I can fairly well understand English but never have the chance to speak it. During my first weeks in Canada, I’m going to stay in a farm where I’ll work as a volunteer, I want to make a good first impression and I fear not to be able to socially interact properly. How to use words in English to sound polite, how to make jokes, what is culturally acceptable to joke about without sounding like a jerk. There are that kind of nuances in my own language and I’m sure it’s the same in English. Do you what I mean ?
Hi Luke,
I am a teacher of English in Russia and I’d like to thank u for the podcasts I can use at my lessons.
I wonder how u find time for such lots of work. Are u married?
Best regards,
Igor
Hi Dear Luke.
First of all I would like to say thank you. I started listening to your podcast.
I’ve found very useful your podcast for me.
I have some question for you:
– Where is your school located. Is your school as language schools – St Giles International or Malvern House?
– Do you have a private English lesson via Skype? If you have, how much does it cost per hour?
www.londonenglishclasses.com – This is my friend Martin Aaron’s website. He offers Skype lessons. Check him out if you’re interested.
| Somebody left a comment on your episode:i’m going to use your podcast to do some grammar dictation and challenge my FCE students a bit. Great work! Thank you. |
| Somebody left a comment on your episode:Hi |
| Somebody left a comment on your episode:Enter your comment |
Hi Luke,
I’m Nina from Germany. I started listening to your podcast because I wanted to improve my (spoken) english. English is one of my – I don’t know how you call it, but I’d say “main subject” in school, I have it 4 times a week.(and I’m going to take my A-Levels in it and maths)
Besides I just really like London and the UK and I’d love to have an british accent ;)
Well, I wondred if you could do something about Harry Potter?
I’m a huge fan and I think it’s just so british.
A podcast about Harry Potter or about what you brits think about it would be great.
Thank you and keep on with your good work,
Nina
| Somebody left a comment on your episode:I’m laughing… You’ve made me happy, Luke. You’ve achieved your aim all right! |
It’s me again
Sorry, I forgot something:
A podcast about style or british designers (I love Burberry) would be nice too.
And I think it would be really interesting to hear which prejudices there are about Germans, Frenchmen,…. in the UK or what people imagine a “typical” German etc. to be/act/ look like.
Now that’ all. I won’t annoy again ;),
Nina
Dmitry
I think past perfect sentences are easier to understand than present perfect. :)
I got on a train today in the morning and I saw a girl which was sitting alone. I realised that I had never met such a beautiful girl in my whole life. I came closer and said to her – HELLO! :)
| Somebody left a comment on your episode:hi Luke, great job! Only a question: why i can understand your speaking and i cannot understand other people speaking (for example people in London interwievs)?? |
| Thomas left a comment on your episode:you’re not going to tell us exactly how you open your trousers…? What a pity! :) |
| Somebody left a comment on your episode:Fortunately, I came this site not because I placed my coffee on my laptop….it’s intentional.. I really want to listen to. …and I’m not in the gym, too..I think I’m probably relaxing?hmm.. |
About the sick in Japan episode
| Somebody left a comment on your episode:Wow, thank God you’re alive teacher Luke! I wouldn’t be able to hear such a bizarre but wonderful story of yours if…. Anyway, when my grandfather had a liver disease, He never recovered until he died a few years from now. I don’t know how the disease was called but it seemed that his liver shrunk. The doctor said there was a lot of holes in it and he kept on releasing blood. And so, my grandmother who was as drunkard as my grandpa was, decided to stop drinking even though she can’t help it sometimes….. I’ve been to taiwan (shortly, just 5 days) and the only problem I had there was that I got dandruff in my head.. gladly, my scalp returned to normal when I got home. Maybe it was just because of the shampoo…I don’t know. Just as I live in a hot country ( I mean, the weather is hot), the Philippines, we just normally put lotion on exposed skin with higher spf.. and use umbrella most of the time.. I had a great time listening to the podcast! Not only was it entertaining but there are also some note-worthy things like those related in medicine… Thank you teacher Luke! ( btw, i said that in british accent!) ;) |
Somebody left a comment on your episode:
Thanks Luke for sharing such an interesting experience, at times your report sounds kind of a fight for survival! For some reason it’s more amusing to tell not so nice travel experiences rather than the good ones :-) I spent a month volunteering in a Gloucestershire farm two years ago, leaving Italy with a few stitches on my shoulder. A nurse in the farm removed them but she wasn’t so confident and eventually said: “You’d better go to a clinic”. I feared an infection since I felt pain, anyway it was nothing serious. Something similar may happen when you travel off the beaten track, but it’s definitely worth it! By the way, antibiotics are useless and even harmful for mononucleosis, that’s why you had a rash.
evgenia derevnina left a comment on your episode:
It’s 4 a.m here in Irkutsk. Outside around 15 degrees below zero. I can’t sleep (too much energy probably) So instead of wasting time rolling over in bed, decided to listen to another Luke’s podcast. Thank you again Luke that we have you.
evgenia derevnina left a comment on your episode:
This is a great real life episode! Luke must be a very brave person to have got through all this experience. It’s just impossible to stay calm while listening to it. Man! It was hard! Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us. Be healthy and happy in all your lives! I remember once staying in India in may, in a valley of Kangra District. It was about +40C or more, very hot and humid, I noticed you can’t even think properly in such heat. some friends slept on the roofs at night, but it didn’t help anyway. There was no air-conditioning, just fans in the rooms. Don’t know why I just kept on drinking hot tea with milk,it felt good drinking hot tea while the air was hot too.
Cheers.
Hi Luke,
I’ve just started to listen your podcast and I’m very grateful to you for the work you’ve done. About the podcast n 2, I’ve found really difficult to understand the meaning of some sentences said by you and your father during your interview; especially when you use expressions like these: Mind you you do see (why here Rick uses do + verbs)
Luke! One of my friend who is an english speaker said, “i am going back to ‘me’ home.”
Is that wrong? because he is native speaker so…
Thx!
Billy
| Somebody left a comment on your episode:Please, how can I download the podcast. I liked it so much. |
LENA
| Somebody left a comment on your episode:A very shrewd analytical piece, funnily presented,capturing and rib-tickling in some places.The key words – champagne, a smell of perfume and urine,water in gutters, fresh bread aroma,car sirens, morning sunlight,stone colors – all these refer to senses rather than to mind and give a very insightful and penetrating picture. It was a pleasure. |
|
| Somebody left a comment on your episode:i m from pakistan keep it up luke.. |
Hi Luke,
What’s meaning of “half 12”?
I know American got anyother way to say it, but what is it?
thanks!!
Billy
Zahid
Hi Luke
sorry to disturb you. i just to want to ask u a question.Which is the correct sentence.?
who do you live with?
or
whom do you live with?
I am a bit confused about the use of who and whom.
Thanks
luke,
In what situation will you use ‘he don’t’ instead of ‘he doesn’t’?
Thanks a lot!
Billy
| Somebody left a comment on your episode:help me speak english please Luke |
Somebody left a comment on your episode:
Brillant!!!! Very nice episode, I enjoyed every second!!! Thanks!!
| Somebody left a comment on your episode:Faux pas= literally means “misstep”. Faux means something wrong, a mistake,”pas” means step… |
Super Luke!! How’re you?
Still podcasting?? I’m still on my way to improve my english, so listening to your podcasts in between of doing CAE exams! Also reading some grammar…actually I wanted to ask you if you could help me with some short issues, please? I’d be very pleased if you do that Luke since I’m not attending any lessons in my city, I’m just studying on my own! (I think at certain level is much better and fast to study in that way…anyway I’ll go to some lessons maybe 1 or 2 month before the CAE exam)
1) Well…first af all I’ve read a sentence like this:
NEITHER MARGARET NOR JOHN WAS THERE
Question: Why ‘was’ and not ‘were’? Margaret and John…two people…so should be ‘were’ no? (no because it’s ‘neither – nor’)
2) Which one would be the correct preposition after the verb TO BE FED UP??
3) in the morning, in the afternoon, in the evening, at night, at midday……ARE ALL THEM CORRECT?
Hanouf left a comment on your episode:
You don’t mind if try to add to your list of expressions do you? How about saying: Mind how you go as a way to say bye.
Dear “Mister. Bean”, I’m delighted reading your Paris notes! Do you teach only English? Don’t you teach English Literature or Philosohpy? You’ve got a nice sense of humour and you are just a very good person. Have you read something from Russian Literature? (Olga)
NEW TRANSCRIPTS AVAILABLE from Crista Bartels and other listeners. Episodes 1-6 are now fully transcribed, and a lot of other episodes. Keep checking the blog for more transcripts in the future.
Hello Luke,
It is me, Andrew again, one of the student addicted to your podcasts.
I found having transcript or at least more difficult phrases indispensable part of my method of learning English which is:
1. listening to the material at least twice
2. writing down everything exactly what is said there
3. reading aloud following the speaker, sentence after sentence
4. moving useful words, phrases, expressions, sentences etc. to SuperMemo application
5. and of course trying to used all of that stuff during lessons with my local teacher of English, who is really great too.
Thank you for your really great job. I appreciate it very much.
— Best wishes,
Andrzej
It’s now been 11 days since ZAHID sent you an ecard.
Luis commented on What is this?
Hi Luke!!! This is Luis from Spain.
I just arrive to London two months ago, and i have been listening the people, they usually use a lot of verbs ended with up or off…
Could you please make a podcast with the most common verbs that you use ending with up, off,down…?
Thank you so much
Great work
Hello, Luke
How are you? Are you in England with your family or in France? Wherever you are, a happy new year!
The last three or four months, I have not be able to make donation due to Japanese law (they say). Every time I try to, they say: PayPal does not currently support Donation Payments from buyers in JP. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause.
Actually, it is extremely inconvenient!! I would appreciate if you give me some advice of any other way to donate, so that I can support you and enjoy your wonderful podcast. Many Japanese must have this kind of problem, I guess. Please help us to make a donation.
With best regards,
moriya
I am writing just to thank you for doing the Luke’s English Podcast!
Sometimes I focus so much on the listening that I start smiling or even laughing with my headphones on, while no one around knows what is going on. Then I feel a bit stupid because some people start looking at me like I was a freak or something :D
But whatever…I will keep listening because it’s just fun!
Best regards,
Michaela
listener from Prague, Czech Republic
Daniel commented on Who is Luke?
Hi,
I enjoy your lessons and would like to donate as you actually deserve it.
Unfortunately I’m unable to find where is the link with Paypal in your site.
Could you help me please ?
Daniel
An elder english learner and lover.
New comment on your post “Episode 4 – Joaquin Phoenix”
Author : gerardo
URL :
Whois : http://whois.arin.net/rest/ip/186.79.136.177
Comment:
Hello. I’m gerardo from Chile ;) I was wondering what’s the difference between he may have an emotional problem and he may be having an emotional problem ;) that’s it thanks for your podcasts ;))) bye
hi luke, just wanna ask how do you read the word “negotiation”? ne-go-she-a-tion or ne-go-c-a-tion?
THX
billy
*Billy always asks me very quick and very specific questions. They’re pretty easy for me to answer, so he usually gets a response. If you do ask me a question, make it quick and specific. Very long and very open questions are much less likely to get responses. I don’t have time to write an essay. Please don’t ask me questions like “How do I improve my pronunciation?” – it’s too big a question to get a response from me, know what I mean?
Hello
I like your podcasts very much and i have a question about learning english.
You said Try to speak in english with people more.
Could you recommend me a website where i can speak with other people in english (voice chat) ?
Best wishes
Gábor
http://www.sharedtalk.com/ (If anyone else knows any good sites for this, please leave comments below ;)
-
- Hello Teacher Luke
- First of all , you are totally the man. You totally rule. Thanks for your great podcast.
- Second, you mentioned in a recent podcast “Maybe your name is Jose and maybe you want to speak like me” or something like that. You got it right. My name is Jose and I would really like to speak like you do.
- Thirdly. I was practising my english the other day and a phrase came up: “One of the most Interesting things that have happened to me” My question is , is it have happened or has happend, I googled it but I found examples of both, How a londoner would say it?
- Thanks again. Cheers.
- Luke’s English Podcast
- Ah ha! I knew someone called Jose would be listening to the podcast! Nice to hear from you.
- And it’s ‘has’ in that sentence.
Luca Ricci
Hi, I’ve got a question about the use of “ain’t”.
I’ve noticed that you never use it in your podcasts and i don’t remember to have heard it from any of your guests.
In some website I’ve read that it represents an american semi-unpolite grammar form and it should be better not to use it. What do you think about that?
125. The Pink Gorilla Story
An improvised funny story about an encounter with a massive pink animal. Transcript available below.
Right-click here to download.
Listen to Luke tell you a rather bizarre story about an adventure involving a pink gorilla and a number of other characters. I recommend that you listen to the story several times as a way of enjoying and understanding it more. There is a full transcript to this episode below.
In this episode I decided to improvise a story. To improvise something means to just make it up on the spot, without planning or preparing in advance. It is quite challenging and fun for me to improvise stories like this. I hope you enjoy it and realise that it is great listening practice for you.
Do you Want to skip the introduction?
The story begins after 15mins. There is a long, rambling introduction and then the story begins at 16:20
I use a variety of expressions, accents and verb forms in the episode. As you listen, try to spot some English which might be useful for you.
***There is some SWEARING in the story. I apologise if you find that offensive. You should remember that swearing (using rude words) is VERY RUDE in the WRONG SITUATIONS! Don’t swear in English class, in job interviews, in front of priests, when you are in polite company or if you meet the Queen, etc. Swearing is ok with your close friends, in private or when you’re playing football. Aaaaalright? ;)
I hope you enjoy the story. Speak to you soon. Bye bye bye! (TRANSCRIPT BELOW)
Language Extracts with Vocabulary (thanks to Jack) – TRANSCRIPT BELOW THIS LIST
Maybe it causes a rift in space time continuum.
Have you just woken up?
Get a grip !
I’d like to book a table for two please.
I’d like it to book a table for tomorrow evening.
That’s why now I can’t get my head together !
I’ll go to Burger King, nevermind !
We do burgers here.
You are incapable of dealing with the booking so I’m leaving.
To turn up
Lets say the police overheard you talking about puppies.
Can I make an inquiry as to the nature of this rendezvous?
I think you’ll find that that contravenes section 134 of the puppies act.
I’m going to have to put you under arrest.
Police are going to take them away.
It is kind of random bollocks.
In the light of the fact that I won this competition.
…..Academic director, Publishing director, who is checking out the public blog.
Let’s see some of the pedagogical techniques that he’s using in his podcast.
What new approaches to teaching methodologies are being used.
Maybe this is a new revolutionary method of teaching English as a foreign language.
Just sort of stream of consciousness – English jazz cakes.
One of the objectives….
The ‘Rotary sushi bar of English’….
It doesn’t mean that I can just give up my day job.
I still have to try and find windows of time in my otherwise busy life.
That’s kind of a bit of justification……
Improvised
I’m making it up as I go along.
I’ve been speaking for the last 15 mins.
I’m going to try and throw in some characters into the story.
It’s just completely made up (story)
I hit some hard times.
Can I have a word with you?
We are going to have to let you go.
Give them regular feedback
A general rule of thumb
I was devastated
It’s been a pleasure teaching you.
I’ve been fired.
How? On foot probably.
The Mafia
Gangsters
Screw this guy!
Moving one foot in front of the other.
Subtle movements…..
The corner of the Oxford Street.
London’s famous attractions.
I couldn’t afford to visit.
Walked along the street.
As far as I know, you can’t really eat anything with your eyes.
Mushrooms
Spaghetti
Walk out of the supermarket.
Nothing to see here.
Until eventually I was desperate.
I would sit on the streets.
Can you spare me 10p governor, for a cup of tea ?
May be a chimney sweep?
He had a monocle
He came up to me
He approached me.
You seem desperate and tired.
I think it’s good to be on first name terms with homeless people.
Come with me to my mansion.
Don’t misunderstand Luke.
Maybe we should introduce ourselves and get acquainted.
I wasn’t being rude.
Swear words.
Rude, aggressive communicative styles.
I was just adapting my teaching style for my class.
Moustache, monocle and a hat.
It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance.
I’m a collector of rare endangered animal species.
Let’s get in the taxi and let me show you my hairy animals.
Put your seatbelt on please.
Big mansion in north London, strap in !
I’ve been eating bananas….
We went past various sites in London.
As we drove past…..
I overhead all of this
This is a momentous moment in history.
I thought I didn’t have a chance.
We walked in the back of the studio…..
You must make two promises to me. Two promises which you must keep.
I can’t emphasize this point more seriously.
To be honest, I’m already getting curious about the animal at the end of the corridor.
Yes, I’m positive.
Are you certain?
Let’s move on with the story.
Leopard with no spots – I think it was a puma.
Zebra
Duck with a round head with no beak on the end.
What on earth could be behind this curtain !
I started to move the curtain back.
Sleeping upstairs in the loft.
I hadn’t seen one of those for donkey’s years.
Coin operated arcade machine
I put a coin in.
Never mind ! never mind ! Just google it.
The cages were so clean by the time I finished; you could see your own reflection on the floor.
There was this cage at the end of the corridor tempting me just by its presence.
I know you are fascinated.
But I resisted the temptation.
I wanted to move the curtains aside.
I didn’t do nothing.
I tip toed down the stair.
Tip toed through the basement.
I was absolutely stunned !
I couldn’t believe my eyes !
As pink as a lobster.
The fur of the gorilla looked so fine and so soft. I just really felt the urge to reach through the cage and touch its fur.
You have investigated enough.
I slept like a baby.
It doesn’t mean that I cried during the night and pissed myself – No.
Daniel was there whistling.
I’ve got to have another look.
Right there at the bars of the cage.
He held out his hand to me.
Gorilla was smiling at me with his big teeth.
To hell with the consequences !
I reached out my hand and touched the gorilla.
I touched him briefly on the back of the hand.
It was like a fur of the unicorn.
…….he did somersaults.
He started to pull / bend the bars open.
I ran out of the mansion.
I didn’t bother to get my stuff.
I could hear his steps pounding on the ground as he chased after me through the mansion.
I ran like my life depended on it.
I was sure this gorilla was gonna rip my head off !
I ran into the street.
I ran down the street.
May be I lost him
I took a left turn down an alleyway.
He was sprinting down the road after me.
I jumped on the bicycle.
I bombed down the hill.
Flying down the hill on the BMX bicycle.
I jumped onto the bus.
I acted all nonchalant.
He’ll lose me and wouldn’t notice.
He was smashing cars out of his way.
I nearly soiled my trousers.
I jumped out of the bus.
I dived into the underground.
I got up to the gates.
Couldn’t you have looked for your oyster card before you got here?
Managed to get down onto the platform.
Jumped on the train….
If I change at green park onto the Victoria line and I take the Victoria line sort of north bound and then go to Tottenham Hale. And from Tottenham hale I can jump on the overland which would take me to stansted airport.
Walked through the streets….
I kind of walked leisurely…..
On the tracks next to the train.
Train was going along the tracks.
He just mouthed – ” I’m gonna get you!”
Do you mind if I ask you what are you doing?
I’m mug him off !
I’m gonna get that geezer called Luke!
I went to the bank to borrow some money.
Would you like to take a seat?
How can I help you?
I’d like to borrow some money.
Well Luke, I’m sure you realize we can’t simply lend you all the money.
You are a humorous gentleman. You like to have a laugh.
If I wanted to I could make you say and do anything I wanted !
I think you are making it up.
You are gonna speak like a scouser.
All the money in 20 pound notes is a lot
How about a debit card?
He has nearly caught up with me now.
Out in the street again.
Got myself a coffee
I drank that.
Flying towards me on a skateboard.
I escaped down the street towards the airport on a scooter.
Got to the counter.
How did you know that I had all the money! Never mind that Luke! Never mind!
They don’t even let you bring water onto the plane.
Jumped onto the plane.
The plane taxied out on the run way.
I couldn’t be safer!
I’m flying to a new exotic location.
On the wing of airplane…..
The pink gorilla was holding onto the wing of the airplane.
Looking at me; staring at me; smiling with his big teeth.
He’s managed to catch up with me.
I managed to jump onto an iceberg.
Looked over my shoulder….
I jumped off the iceberg and jumped on another iceberg. And I kept jumping from iceberg to iceberg…..
He jumped over onto the iceberg and walked up towards me.
He extended his hand again…..
He just tapped me on the arm.
Tag ! You’re it !
Pink gorilla was just competitive, he just enjoyed playing games.
Why did I touch him in the first place!
I wish I had never done it in the first place.
So I stood up picked my self off the ground, brushed the snow off my trousers and I thought : Right ! I’m gonna get that gorilla !
I saw the pink gorilla getting onto the plane and so I leapt onto the wing. And the plane took off into the sunset.
And you’ve been listening to it ladies and gentleman.
May be there are aspects to the story I didn’t deal with. In which case…….
You have been listening to Luke’s English podcast.
TRANSCRIPT
The Pink Gorilla Story
by Luke Thompson
Transcript sent in by Andrzej from Poland – thank you Andrzej!
You’re listening Luke’s English Podcast. For more information visit teacherluke.podomatic.com. (now teacherluke.co.uk)
Good morning ladies and gentlemen and welcome to Luke’s English Podcast. I’m saying ‘Good morning’ because it’s the morning here where I am. While I’m recording this it’s the morning. Maybe it’s not the morning where you are. It could be, well, one of the other times of the day, maybe the afternoon or the evening or just the middle of the night. If it’s not the morning where you are then, you know, maybe, you know, you could just pause this and then wait until it is the morning and then just press play again so that when I say ‘Good morning’ to you at the beginning it makes sense. Okay? So, you could just do that because I don’t know what happens if someone says ‘good morning‘ to you when it’s not the morning. I don’t know what happens does…. Maybe the space time…, maybe it causes a rift in the space time continuum or something a bit like in ‘Back to the Future II’ and just all, everything kind of goes all wrong in space-time. If then that happens or just nothing happens at all. Perhaps someone just says to you ‘Good morning’ it’s not the morning. It’s the afternoon. We’ve just woken up, get a grip or something like that. But I think that’s probably the extend of it. I don’t think it’s more serious than that. Okay Luke, what are you talking about? Let me just say ‘Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, good night. Thank you very much for listening. I’m going to bed now. It’s been a pleasure, really has. Good night .’ No, no, no. Good morning, good afternoon, good evening. Of course, right, when you greet someone you can say ‘Good morning’, right? It’s like ‘Hello’. ‘Morning’. ‘Morning’. You can say ‘Good afternoon’. ‘Afternoon’. ‘Good afternoon’. ‘Good afternoon’. ‘How are you’. ‘I’m fine, thanks’. And you can say ‘Good evening’, right? So, ‘Good evening’. Would you say that… Would you say that to a friend? ‘Good evening’. Yes. If you went into a restaurant you might say
– Good evening. I’d like to book a table for two, please.
– Certainly sir. When would you like to book your table?
– Well, I’d like to book it for tomorrow evening, please.
– OK, how many people?
– Just, well, two. I did say two earlier on.
– That’s right, you did, didn’t you.
– Yes, so, can I just book the table please? I don’t have much time.
– Yes, certainly sir. How many people was it for?
– Two! Two! I’ve just said it! Twice now.
– OK. Sorry. You know, I’m very busy. I’ve had a very busy day. My brain isn’t working properly plus earlier on this afternoon someone said ‘Good morning’ to me and it confused me for the rest of the day. That’s why now I can’t get my head together but anyway, yes, you want to book a table. OK. How many people?
– Two people! For Christ’s sake. OK, look, I’ll go to Burger King. It’s all right. Never mind.
– Well, that’s, you know, that’s not necessary. We do burgers here.
– No, no, really, you are incapable of dealing with the booking so, I’m leaving.
– Well, sorry sir. You know, do come back. Come back another time perhaps.
…For example, OK? But you can say ‘Good morning’, ‘Good afternoon’, ‘Good evening’ but if you say ‘Good night’, that’s what you say before you go to bed, isn’t it, so, if you kind of meet someone at night ‘Good night’, then you have to immediately just turn around and go to bed, don’t you? Ha, ha, ha! Yes. So, don’t make that mistake listeners. Don’t, when you greet someone at night, don’t say ‘Good night’ as a way of saying hello. I don’t know why you’re meeting someone at night. What are you doing? What is this kind of secret meeting, secret night-time meeting you’re doing? I don’t know. Are you meeting someone to, maybe, I don’t know, maybe you’re, you know, buying something. You could be buying some illegal DVDs or something like that. You can imagine that sort of turning up
– All right. Yeah, all right. So, you’ve got the… You’ve got the stuff?
– Yeah, yeah, I’ve got the stuff. I’ve got it right here.
– Yeah, the stuff, right? You know, you know what I’m talking about, don’t you.
– Yeah, the stuff, of course, of course I know what you’re talking about… yeah.
– I just wanna make sure. What exactly do you mean by stuff here?
– What do we mean by stuff? We’re talking about… we’re talking about the puppies, right?
– Puppies? No, I’m not… I don’t wanna buy puppies. No, I wanna buy the DVDs.
– Oh right, yeah, of course! Well, of course, yes! I used ‘puppies’ as a code word for DVDs. You know, sometimes I call them ‘puppies’ because it seems a bit safer.
– Really? Are you sure? You’re sure that that’s a safe code word? Because if, let say, the police overheard you talking about dealing puppies I think they might be a bit concerned by that as well and then might follow you. In fact… in fact they have followed you and here they are. Great. Well done. You’re not very good at being secretive, are you?
So, then the police arrive (sirens, brakes)
– Excuse me gentlemen, can I enquire… can I make an enquiry as to the nature of this rendezvous in the middle of the night?
That’s a police officer.
– Yes officer. We were just meeting to… I was just buying some puppies from this guy.
– Buying puppies, oh I see. Well, I think you find that that contravenes section 134 of the Puppies Act which states that it is illegal to purchase or sell puppies after midnight. And so sir, I’m gonna have to put you under arrest. I can’t remember that phrase that I’m supposed to say. I think it goes something like ‘Please, remember that anything you do say can be taken against you in a court of law. You’re under arrest.’ Please, follow me down to the police station and bring the puppies because they’re cute. They might be quite nice to look at in the police station.
OK, right, so, that’s it. I’ve been arrested so, good night ladies and gentlemen. Thanks very much for listening and I’m now gonna go to jail or prison as you might say. Jail or prison. Let’s hope, let’s hope I’ve got a good lawyer and they can get me out of this mess. My dealer, my DVD dealer just ran away. They weren’t interested in him because I was the one who had the puppies. I didn’t even give him the money. He just gave me the puppies so, I guess I’ve got some puppies now but I think the police are gonna take them away. What are you talking about Luke?! I know you are thinking ‘What is happening in this episode? This is kind of random bollocks .’ Well, yeah, it is kind of random bollocks. Maybe that’s what I could call this episode ‘Luke’s Random Bollocks’. Although, I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to name an episode after my bollocks. I just think that’s not a clever move especially, you know, in the light of the fact that recently I’ve won this competition so, I expect… I’m getting more traffic, more people are coming to the site than normal. Probably people who work for Macmillan dictionaries, Cambridge dictionaries maybe Oxford dictionaries they all…, they may be checking me out. You know, these kind of very important people from the world of teaching English as a foreign language. You know, you can imagine some sort of academic director or some publishing director from Cambridge University who, you know, is checking out the Macmillan blog and he says – I see that a some young gentleman named Luke Thompson has won the Macmillan Dictionary Award for Best Blog 2012. Well, I think I shall…, I think I shall investigate this up-and-coming, go-getting podcaster and see what it’s all about. So, let’s have a look at some of the pedagogical techniques that he is using in the podcast. Maybe I can learn what fresh new approaches to teaching methodology are being used here. Hmmm, let’s have a look…OK… teacherluke.podomatic.com… Click. Luke’s Random Bollocks? What’s this?’ Maybe this is a revolutionary new method of teaching English as a foreign language. English through shit. I don’t know. Maybe that’s possible. English through nonsense. It’s… I mean, it could be possible because, I don’t know, it’s new, alright? Actually, I’m sure it’s not new. I’m sure I’m not the first English teacher in the world to just sort of have fun and expect other people to join in and as a result learn a load of stuff that they wouldn’t normally learn from textbooks or from things like the BBC Podcast because they have to be the BBC and they have to do things in a certain way. It has to be correct, has to be sort of slightly unnatural maybe whereas here at Luke’s English Podcast you’re getting the real thing, you’re just getting English as it actually happens, English as it really is spoken, not really edited very much, just sort of stream of consciousness English jazz cakes. I don’t know what that is ‘English jazz cakes’, I just made that up. But that’s… I suppose that’s what you are getting so, I hope that you enjoy my English jazz cakes or my random bollocks.
Hmm… yes, so, there was a point to this podcast and the point, one of the points for this episode, one of my objectives was just to kind of talk randomly like this and see what happens. That’s one of the objectives of the episode but one of the other objectives was to tell you a story, okay, tell you a story.
OK, now, first of all let me get back to the first point talking sort of randomly, talking without preparation. I’ve done episodes like this before without any preparation and for example I did one called ‘The Ice Cream Episode’. I did one called ‘The Cheese Episode’. I did one called, I believe it was called, ‘The Rotary Sushi Bar of English’ and I did ‘The A-Z of Random Nonsense’ so, the advantage of doing episodes like this for me is I don’t have to spend a lot of time in advance preparing lists of vocabulary or preparing scripts or doing research or anything like that. I don’t need to spend time doing that. And that’s good for me because I don’t have a lot of time even though I did win the 2012 award for best blog, and that’s two awards I’ve won now, even though I’ve won two awards in a row it doesn’t mean that I can just give up my day job. It doesn’t mean that I can just move into a huge mansion with a recording studio in it somewhere. I still have to try to find windows of time in my otherwise busy life to record episodes of the podcast. And recently my life has just been really busy. I’ve just had loads of different things going on. I’ve got, obviously, my full-time job, etc., etc. I don’t need to go into its lots of detail because I’ve talked about it before and you’re probably like ‘Yeah, Luke, yeah (yawning). Same old story, yeah, you don’t have much time etc., etc. Just keep talking, please.’ So, okay. So, that’s kind of a bit of justification as to why for me, I like doing these episodes were I don’t prepare and I just talk.
Secondly, it’s kind of fun to have a challenge for me. I like the challenge of having to speak like this without, you know, preparing. For me it’s kind of a challenge. I like the opportunity just to talk and not really know where I’m going to go next. It’s quite fun because I can be creative and I can kind of improvise situations and hopefully create some entertaining stuff for you to listen to.
What else…? Also hopefully it’s kind of engaging to listen to. It should be quite interesting to listen to because, you know, if you…, I must say I’m guilty of this, if you write a script and then read the script it somehow becomes kind of dull and boring. Maybe it’s because English which is written is different to English which is spoken. So, written English, English that’s written in books or magazines or newspapers or blog articles, it has a certain rhythm or certain style to it, which is good for written English, right? But when you actually speak and try to get the attention of people it’s better when it’s just completely improvised because it’s somehow has a bit more drama in it, because you know that the speaker doesn’t really know what he’s gonna say next. So, it’s what’s just happening right now. It’s happening in real time and it makes it more natural sounding. So, that I think is good for you, in fact, for several reasons. One reason it’s good for you is because it sounds more natural so, it’s good practice for you to listen to. It’s just very good practice for you to train your ear to the rhythm and the sound of natural English as it comes out of a person’s mouth. In this case the person is me. And another reason why it is good for you is hopefully it’s just fun. It’s just more fun to listen to and it’s just a laugh, a bit of a laugh. You know what I mean. So, going back, what the other points I was making. My other objective for this episode. My other objective is just to tell you a story and I’m going to start telling the story in a moment. Just as an introduction to the story let me tell you a little bit about it.
OK, so this is a story I’m gonna tell you and I’m… It’s a kind of a challenge for me again. I’m gonna try to tell you a story which… I’ll tell you a story which I hope you will enjoy and basically I haven’t planned this story so I’m making it up as I go along. I hope that you’re gonna find it funny and I think I’m gonna start the story now. Oh yeah. I’m gonna try to make it as long as possible, that’s it. I’m gonna try to make the story as long as I can. Now I’ve been speaking for 15 minutes. Let’s see how long I can make this story. Okay. I’m gonna also try and throw in some characters into the story so you might hear some different accents and different characters but just bear in mind the fact that I’ve got no idea really where the story is going. I’m just making it all up as I go along. So, bear that in mind. If the story doesn’t make a lot of sense then I apologize. It’s because it’s just kind of random bollocks, OK? Hopefully, you’ll enjoy it and hopefully, it will be very good practice for your ears. Okay, so, let’s begin the story, shall we? Yes, let’s begin the story.
Alright. …take a couple of breaths. …to take a deep breath…okay. Are we ready? OK, I’ll start telling the story in just a moment. I hope that you’re sitting comfortably. Maybe you’re standing. Maybe you’re walking. Whatever it is you’re doing, whatever position your body is in I hope it’s comfortable because the story is gonna begin now. Maybe you’re in bed. Maybe you’re lying there and thinking ‘Come on Luke. Tell me some stuff. Make me fall asleep’. Well, that shouldn’t be too difficult because… Yes maybe what I’m gonna say.. well just be so dull and so boring that you’ll be asleep. Maybe you’ve already fallen asleep. That’s quite possible. If you’re driving a car than, you know, I suggest you open your eyes. That’s normally the way it’s done. It’s best generally to open your eyes when you’re in control of a huge metal killing machine. So, please, be careful when you’re driving, okay? If you’re in bed though, you know, you can close your eyes. That’s fine. That is fine unless you want to open them. Maybe you’re scared of the dark. I don’t know. Anyway the story, the story. Here we go. So, I’m going to tell you a story about my life. It’s not true. It’s just made up. OK? Just to be clear. This is completely made up. Right, so…
A few years ago, well, let’s see, a few years ago I was living in London and I hit some hard times. Life got a bit difficult for me. I lost my job because I was just too good at it. My boss said to me – Luke, can I have a word with you, please? – I was in the middle of a lesson at the time. I was teaching. I was saying – So, present perfect tense is a tense which is used when the action is finished possibly but the time period is not finished and also, but, there is an exception to that rule – and my boss just came into the room (knock, knock, knock) – Ehm… excuse me, Luke. Hello everyone, hello class, hello students – The students were like – Hello – because they were Spanish. – Hello Luke, can I have a word with you, please? – And so, I had to say – Sorry class, just, you know, do page 3 of English Grammar in Use. Just do it, OK? Do it! Shut up! Don’t give me any back-chat – Maybe that’s why I lost my job because I used to tell the students to ‘shut up’. Haha! Actually, you know what? I never ever tell my students to ‘shut up’ because as an English language teacher you can’t do that. That’s like one of the worst things you can do. It’s worse to tell the students to ‘shut up’ than it is to tell them to ‘fuck off’, actually. Because ‘shut up’ is just like the rudest thing you can say in a language classroom in my opinion. Anyway. So, I said – OK students. You know what? Just do some work, alright? I’ll be back in a minute. I’ve got to speak to the boss. Obviously he’s got something very important to say to me because I’m kind of big deal around here, OK? So, do some work. See you in a minute –
So, I went out and the boss said to me – Luke, listen, I’m really sorry but we’re gonna have to let you go – I said – What? You’re gonna have to let me go? Yeah, I’m afraid so. We’re gonna have to let you go because, well, quite frankly, you can’t just give students pages from English Grammar in Use and tell them to ‘shut up’ and ‘do it’. You can’t do that! OK? Because… Why not? Why can’t I do that? Well, because… I don’t really know why but I just… I just know, I just know that you can’t do that. I don’t know. My training, years ago told me something about the fact that yeah, ‘you should try to use communicative methods. You should try to engage students in speaking exercises. You should give them regular feedback and just don’t tell them to shut up or fuck off, OK? It’s just a general rule, a rule of thumb for, well, for life. Don’t tell people to shut up or to…, you know.’ So, you know, I’m afraid Luke, we’re gonna have to let you go. So, sorry. Pack your bags. Get out! You’re fired! – So, obviously I was devastated – Oh, my God, I’m fired! I love my job – And then I realised – Wait a minute. I can just do what the hell I want now. Sure, I won’t have money or food but I’ll have my freedom – And so, I went back into class and I said – OK everyone. Well, It’s been a pleasure teaching you. I’ve been Luke Thompson and I still am and I really hope that you learn this language effectively and you go out there and improve the economy, OK? Good luck! I’ve been fired. Don’t, you know, don’t, don’t act too upset about that. Hello!? Are you actually listening?! Hello!? Yeah, I’m going now, OK? I’m going, yeah? Fine. OK, if you don’t care, that’s fine – In fact, there were once the students understood the situation. They were like – What?! You’re going?! Where?! How?! Why?! How?! Well, on foot, probably. Why?! Why?! I’ve been fired. My boss just fired me because I told you to ‘shut up’, remember? Oh, but Luke, you didn’t mean it? It was… Hey, Luke! Hey! – For some reason my students were all from Brooklyn – But Luke, you didn’t mean it? Hey, come on! What’s the matter with you? – All my students were from New York, Brooklyn or the Bronx. They were all Italian Americans which is kinda strange, I know but this is a part of the mafia training programme that they have over there. They have like a special mafia training budget which they can spend on things like, you know, methods of threatening people or money counting techniques and also English lessons. And so, all my students were Latin Italian American gangsters – Hey Luke! What’re you talking about?! Come on! What’s the matter with you?! You’ve been fired? Screw this guy! Who’s this guy, huh?! Come on! – And so, I said – Look guys, I’m really sorry, you know. Good luck with all of the, you know, the assassinations and the robberies and the extortion. Good luck with that, but I’m out of here, OK? See you guys later – And they would like – Hey Luke! Come on! Get out of here! Go out! Go away! – And so, that’s it.
So, I went out into the street, took a breath of fresh air, started coughing because, you know, this was London and the Oxford street, it’s not exactly fresh air, is it. No, it’s not. It’s not really. And so, and that’s it. I had my freedom. So, I just started walking the streets. Just walking around, just walking around, you know, moving one foot in front of the other. Right foot first usually then the left foot and just repeating that motion and sort of… I don’t know quite how we change direction while we’re walking. I think there’s subtle movements of the legs to the left and the right which allows us to turn but I would basically do that a lot of that all over London walking around, looking at the sights, you know. I got to see some of the most amazing sights in London: McDonalds, Starbucks, just the corner of Oxford street, H&M. Just some of London’s most famous attractions. Let’s see what else was there? There was Boot’s the Chemist’s, Marks & Spencer and of course things like Buckingham Palace and Big Ben, the London Eye. All of these things that I just couldn’t afford to actually visit. But I looked at them and I thought ‘This, this Luke, this is London’ and it was because, because I was in London. Yes, now, moving the story on, OK, so, I would, I would move, I would walk around the streets all day and all night just thinking what’s gonna happen to me ‘I’m homeless, I’m hungry’. I would go into supermarkets and just stare at food because I didn’t have any money to buy the food, so, I would stare at all the food on the shelf and just eat, just eat sandwiches with my eyes, you know, I’d just eat them with my eyes. But it wasn’t very satisfying because as you probably know, as you probably have learnt in your life you can’t, you can’t eat sandwiches with your eyes. You can’t really eat anything with your eyes, I think. As far as I know, I think, you can’t eat anything with your eyes but I tried. Oh boy did I try! I tried to eat, you know, mushrooms, spaghetti. Pretty much all the food I tried to eat with my eyes but no matter how hard I tried I just couldn’t eat any of the food with my eyes, so sometimes I had to steal, I had to steal. You know, I admit it. I was desperate. I was hungry and so, I stole a banana and I would go to the supermarkets and steal bananas. I found the bananas one of the most effective fruit to steal because what you can do is you just take the banana and then as soon as you’ve got the banana in your hand and just pretend that you’re receiving a telephone call. So, you have a banana in your hand and just go (prr, prr) ‘Oh, looks like I’m getting a call here on my yellow mobile phone!’ And then you just sort of bring the banana up to your ear and just start talking ‘Yeah, hello. Yes, yes, yes it’s me. Yes, well, that’s right. How can I help you? This is the banana hot-line. How can I help you? Yes. Yes, I think so. Yes, you should. No. No, you shouldn’t really… No, you shouldn’t really do that with a banana. No. No. No. I know. I know the shape of the banana makes you think that you could do that but seriously you shouldn’t because, well, bananas are a bit too soft, actually, for that despite the shape. That’s too soft so, you shouldn’t do it. No. You shouldn’t put it in there. No. Because it’s too soft. You might not be able to get it out, right? OK. No. No. Put it in your mouth. That’s right. Eat it. Eat it. That’s what you’re supposed to do with the banana. OK? Good’ And then I’d just keep talking like this on the banana phone and walk out of the supermarket with the banana to my ear and all of the staff in the shop would look at me and they would like ‘What’s going on? What’s going on there? Oh, it’s just a man talking on the mobile phone. Nothing to see here’ And I would just walk out of the shop with the banana phone like that and then I would have the banana. But sometimes what I would do I’d forget that it was a banana and I would think that I was making a telephone call. I’d try to call, you know, I’d try to call my parents on the banana and then after half an hour of attempting to make a telephone call on the banana I would realise ‘Oh my God, what am I doing?!’ And then I’d eat the banana. And then I’d be OK. 28:20
So, that’s how I survived. I’d just move from supermarket to supermarket doing the banana phone trick until eventually, you know, I was desperate, you know, I just couldn’t eat bananas anymore. I was sick of them and didn’t matter how many times I tried to call the banana hot-line no one answered because it didn’t exist. It didn’t even exist! It was all in my imagination so, I’d started begging on the streets and I would sit on the street and I would say ‘Excuse me, excuse me sir. Can you spare ten p? I’m hungry, I’m thirsty, you know, I’m a Cockney for some reason now. Can you, can you spare me ten p, governor, for a cup of tea?’ For some reason the Cockney accent helped. People all were like ‘Ah! It’s just a poor young Cockney, maybe a chimney sweep or something and he needs some money because he is, he is hungry. So, excuse me squire, you couldn’t spare a couple of pounds for a dear old Cockney. He’s got nothing, no money to his name’ And they would like give me some money and I’d go down to Marks & Spencer and buy some quality sandwiches. OK, so that’s how I survived.
And one day, one day this strange looking gentleman approached me in the street, strange looking gentleman. He was dressed in, like, a suit. He was dressed in suit with a top hat. He had a monocle. That’s like a, you know, like a pair of glasses but with only one lens and you kind of hold it in your eye. So, he had one of those, he had a monocle and a moustache and a top hat and a suit and he was like a very posh gentleman. And he came up to me and said – Excuse me, young gentlemen. Young beggar – I was young at the time – Beggar, Mr beggar, I don’t know what your name is. I’m gonna call you Mr beggar. I’m using ‘Mr’ as a polite term of respect. Mr Beggar, how can I help you? You seem hungry. You seem desperate and tired. Would you like a job? – And I said to him – Wow! That’s amazing! First of all my name is Luke. – He said – Ah, Luke. Thank you. Thank you. It’s, it’s… You know, I always think that it is good to be on first name terms with homeless people – And so, I said – I’d love a job. What’s, what’s the job? – He said – Come with me to my mansion in North London and I’ll show you everything – And I said – You’re gonna show me everything?! Like everything?! No, no. Don’t misunderstand Luke. Please don’t misunderstand. I’m gonna show you everything related to this job offer. Ah! Right! OK! Great. Well, let’s go. Let’s go to North London.
So, we immediately… I don’t know… His name was… Let’s see… what was his name. I said to him – Excuse me, just before I agree to accompany you to your mansion maybe we should just introduce ourselves and get acquainted. And I’ll start: hello, my name’s Luke and I’m an English language teacher. I recently got fired because of a misunderstanding. My boss thought I was being rude to my students. Ridiculous! And so, he fired me. It was all a big misunderstanding. I wasn’t being rude. I wasn’t. It was… I don’t know how to explain it because it’s just improvisation. But, you know, I wasn’t being rude. Essentially, it’s because I was teaching Italian mafia bosses English and, you know, you’ve got to communicate them, you’ve got to communicate with them in the language that they understand and that’s often with a lot of swear words, sort of rude, aggressive communicative styles so, I was just, you know, adapting my teaching style for my class. But my boss overheard me telling my students to ‘shut up’ and he fired me. He fired me. He fired me from my job and so, I was on the street. So, that’s my position. I also do a podcast called ‘Luke’s English Podcast’ which won the MacMillan award for best blog in 2011 and in 2012(!) so, you know, I’m good, I’m a good person and I’m nice and… yeah. So, that’s me. My name’s Luke. It’s very nice to meet you. And what about you sir? What’s your name sir, with a moustache and a monocle and a hat? Sir! Please, sir! Please, sir. Sir! What’s your name, sir?! Can you tell me what’s your name is, please, sir?! – And he said – Just Luke please, just give me a chance to speak – Sorry, I forgot I have the posh accent – So, my name is Daniel Lazenby-Smythe, Daniel Lazenby-Smythe. That’s right and I’m very, very posh. I’m quite possibly the poshest man in London and it is a pleasure to make you acquaintance, Mr Luke. Actually, it’s Mr Thompson, Luke Thompson. Ah! I do apologize, Mr Thompson, it’s a pleasure to make you acquaintance.
So, wow, Daniel Lazenby-Smythe, what do you do if you don’t mind me asking? What do you do? Well, Luke, I am a collector. I’m a collector of rare endangered animal species. Wow! Wow! That sounds interesting. Rare endangered animal species. What’s that? What are they? What is it? What are you talking about, Daniel?! Help! Well, rare endangered animal species, what I do is I travel the globe with a huge truck and I travel around and I search for endangered animal species. These are animals which are very rare, animals which are in danger, animals which are under threat. And I collect them and I put them in the back of the van and I take them to London and then I keep them in my mansion. So, wait a minute, Daniel. So, basically, you steal rare animals from other countries? Yes, basically yes, Luke. That’s what I do. I just steal animals. But I’m not sure about the ethics of that. Isn’t that a little bit ethically questionable? Well, you know, you probably do have a point, Luke but… never mind that. Let’s just keep moving forward with the story, shall we? Yeah, good idea. OK. Right. So, let’s get in a taxi and let me show you my furry animals. OK. Great!
So, we got into a taxi (car’s noise) That’s… (car’s noise) got in the taxi (car’s noise) and, you know, I started doing this (car’s noise) and Daniel said to me – Luke, why, why are you making that strange noise? (car’s noise) Because, well, isn’t that what you do when you get into a taxi? You know, you sit down, you put your sit belt on, you tell the driver where you want to go ‘The mansion, please. The big mansion in North London’ and the driver goes Right you are, governor. Big mansion in North London. Here we go. Strap in’ and then you go (car’s noise), don’t you? – And Daniel said – No. No, Luke. No. That’s really… That’s not necessary to be honest with you. Not necessary at all – And I said – Well, Daniel, this is my story. I can do what the hell I want. It’s my story. Fine, fine, Luke. Yes, you go ahead. You sit there in a taxi, next to me making a noise like a crazy person and fine. You just do whatever you want to do. If you think that it’s right, go ahead. After all you did win those awards and everything so you must know what you’re doing. I do, Daniel, I do. I know what I’m doing even though I’ve got fired from my job and I’ve been eating bananas and pretended that they’re telephones and things like that, but I know what I’m doing, OK? Trust me, I’m an English teacher .
OK, so (car’s noise) off we went to the mansion and we went past various impressive sights in London, driving along the roads. We drove past Abbey Road Studios because that’s in North London and as we drove past I noticed there were The Beatles, The Beatles were just standing there outside the studio. All four of them! That’s right. Even John Lennon despite the fact he is actually dead, in this story he was there. He was actually there. So the four Beatles were there and… let’s see… Ringo was there. Ringo was saying – OK then Beatles, let’s go into the studio and record a new album – And Paul was like – OK, all right John, Ringo, George (Ooooh!) let’s go into the studio, shall we, and record a new album – And George was sort of saying, let’s see, George – OK, Paul, if you want us to go into the studio we’ll go into the studio. If you don’t want us to go in, we won’t go in – And Paul was – You know, actually, George, I think we should go into the studio because (Ooooh!) it’ll be, it’ll be great, you know, it’ll be like, you know, Sergeant Pepper – And then John said – OK, McCartney, I think you’ve got a good idea. Let’s go into the studio and record us another album – And, so, I overheard all of this as I went past Abbey Road Studios in the taxi and I just watched them walking into the studio and I thought ‘Oh my God, this is a momentous moment, if that’s possible. This is a momentous moment in history. The Beatles have got back together. John Lennon has come back from the dead. They’re going into the studio. They’re going to record a new album. This is amazing’ But I didn’t really have a chance to stop the taxi and go into the studio and listen to the music. I thought I didn’t have a chance. It turns out I did because I said to Daniel – Daniel! Daniel! Wait! Let’s turn around the taxi. I just saw The Beatles going into the studio to record a new album, a new Beatles album. We’ve got to go and listen – And Daniel said – Well, certainly Luke, after all this is your story. You can do whatever the hell you want and I’m sure you will – And so, we turned around the taxi. We went back to the studio and we walked in and… just… sort of walked into the back of the studio and sat down got ready to listen to genius in action and this is what we heard:
Singing, singing a song
Beatles, we’re the Beatles
And we’re geniuses
We haven’t lost our talent at all
Because we’re still The Beatles, genius
And then I thought ‘Is that it? Is that, is that what they’re recording? That is terrible! How on Earth, how on Earth could they expect that to be successful?’ – And so, we just left because it was so rubbish. Obviously, they’d just lost it. They’d lost all their talent somewhere along the line so… Anyway, we got back into the taxi, went to the mansion. So, we got to the mansion and Daniel Lazenby-Smythe said – OK Luke – in a posh voice – OK Luke, what I’m going to do now is I’m going to show you my collection of endangered animals. OK? But you must make two promises to me, two promises which you must keep. Promise number one is that you do not touch any of the animals and promise number two is you definitely don’t touch the animal in the cage at the end of the corridor. OK? Don’t touch the animal in the cage at the end of the corridor. I can’t emphasise this point more seriously. Please, don’t touch any of the animals especially the one in the cage at the end of the corridor – and I thought ‘OK’ – All right Daniel, I agree to your terms. I won’t touch any of the animals especially the animal at the end of the corridor. Now, to be honest, I’m already getting curious about the animal at the end of the corridor and I’m sure that the listeners are getting curious about it too. Listeners, Luke? What are you talking about? Listeners, there’re people listening to this. There’re People, People listening to this?! Are you sure? Yes, I’m positive. I get two to three thousand downloads every day. A lot of people in the world listen to this. Lots of people listen to this? Are you…, are you certain? It seems like absolute meaningless crap. Luke, are you sure? Yep, I’m sure. People love this stuff. OK? So, just, yeah. Anyway, people are listening so, please, let’s move on with the story. Yes, yes, OK. Don’t touch any of the animals especially… Yeah, I’ve got it. …the one at the end of the corridor. Fine!
OK – So, we went downstairs. We went into the mansion. We went downstairs into the basement and that’s where he kept his zoo, his zoo of endangered animals, and he showed me… He showed me all the animals. There was a kind of a three-headed zebra, three-headed zebra. That’s right. There was a leopard which had no spots. A leopard, of course, is a kind of a big cat. So, leopard with no spots. I think it was a puma to be honest. There was also a duck without a beak, a duck without a beak. Poor thing, but it looked strange. Who really did it. Was it like a duck? But just like a round head with no beak on the end. Pretty weird. All sorts of amazing animals and then finally we got to the end of the corridor and there was a cage at the end with black curtains covering the cage so I couldn’t see what was inside. I couldn’t see but I… I kind of approached the curtains and I listened and I could hear heavy breathing (breathing, snoring). Then that I thought ‘Oh my God, what is in there? I can’t wait to see it’ (breathing, snoring, whistling, mutter, singing “Love me do”) ‘What on Earth could be behind this curtain? This is amazing’ so, I started to move the curtain back, started to move the curtain back because I wanted to see what kind of weird animal was inside this cage. What kind of fantastic creature could there be in there? I started to move the curtain and Daniel Lazenby -Smyth noticed me, said – Luke! Stop! Stop! Do not move the curtain! Do not move the curtain! – So, I said – OK, Sorry Daniel, sorry – And he said – Right, with that I think we should go to bed – And I said – Really? We’re gonna go to bed? Yes, let’s go to bed – And I said – Well, I didn’t realise that that was a part of the deal. I didn’t realise that that’s what we’d have to do. No Luke, No, you misunderstand. I’ve… You’ve got your own bedroom. Oh God! Thanks God for that! No Luke, you’ve got your own bedroom. You’ll be sleeping upstairs in the loft. I’ll be sleeping in my bedroom, which is in another wing of the house. Nothing to worry about – So, with that we went to our bedrooms and everything. I went upstairs and there was my room. It was fantastic. It was great. There was like a big comfortable bed and an arcade machine in the corner, an old Street Fighter II arcade machine. I hadn’t seen one of those for donkey’s years. I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen a Street Fighter II arcade machine so, I went over and there on the side there was a pile of coins which Daniel had thoughtfully left for me and a note, a note written in Daniel’s handwriting. And it said
Luke,
I know that you’re a big fan of computer games and so I’ve left you this coin operated arcade machine of Street Fighter II Championship Edition and here’re some coins so you can play the game.
So, I put the coins in, I put a coin in and started playing, and I, you know, it asked me to choose my fighter. I chose Ken because he’s the best. And so, I started playing (game’s noises). If you don’t know what I’m talking about this is a… this is a computer game, a famous computer game called Street Fighter II. And I played Street Fighter II for ages. (Ha-Do Ken!) is what one of the characters says. Yes. I’m not gonna talk about that because it’s boring for most of you because I expect most of you have never played Street Fighter II. I think some of you have. Some of you probably know Street Fighter II and you love it and you’re going ‘Yes! Awesome! I can’t believe Luke is talking about Street Fighter II Championship Edition! Brilliant!’ But then the rest of you are going ‘What is Luke talking about? I’ve got no idea what Street Fighter II Championship Edition is. What does this thing keep saying (game’s noises) then never mind. OK? Never mind. Google it ‘Street Fighter II Championship Edition Ken’. Just google that then you’ll understand what I’m talking about. Right. So, I went to bed. I slept so well. Oh my God, I slept amazingly and I woke up in the morning all fresh and Daniel Lazenby-Smyth gave me some jobs to do. He got me to clean the cages of these animals. I cleaned them didn’t touch any of them, no, cleaned the cages. I was cleaning all day. He gave me a sandwich for lunch. Oh, I was happy, and a banana. And I cleaned the cages, cleaned the cages again, cleaned again. These cages was so clean by the time I finished that you could see your own reflection on the floor. That’s how clean they were. I cleaned them into like glass they were so clean. I mean these were wooden cages and I cleaned them so much that they became like glass. Yeah. Pretty amazing, isn’t it? And yeah, and there was that cage and the end of the corridor tempting me just by its presence. Just tempting me, asking me ‘Luke, why don’t you come and look inside the cage? I know you’re fascinated.’ But I, you know, I didn’t… I resisted the temptation. It was very difficult. I wanted to look. I wanted to move the curtains aside. I wanted to have a look inside. I wanted to see what this animal was but I could still hear the noises making (breathing, snoring, whistling, singing “Love me do”) It was very weird, very, very weird indeed. But I resisted the temptation I went back upstairs went to bed. That night I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t sleep because I was thinking about the animal in the cage downstairs. And you know what I did, listeners? You know what I did? I did nothing. No, I didn’t do nothing. I got up I got out of bed and I tiptoed very quietly, silently. I tiptoed down the stairs and tiptoed through the basement past all of these animals which were all sleeping. There was the zebra, you know, making a sort of zebra noise (zebra’s noise) That’s what zebras do when they’re sleeping but it had three heads so it was like (three genuine zebra’s noises) three heads. The duck with no beak just going (quack) because it couldn’t… can’t really quack properly, the duck, because it didn’t have a beak. It was like sort of going (quack) in its sleep. And the leopard and all that stuff, right? And I got to the end of the corridor and thought ‘Right, I don’t care what Daniel said. I don’t care anymore. I just want to see what is in this cage.’ So, I slowly moved the curtains to one side, slowly moved them to one side and there at the back of the cage was a huge, pink gorilla. Just a huge, pink gorilla sleeping and it had a radio as well listening to The Beatles, actually. So, there was a huge pink gorilla sleeping and I was stunned. I was absolutely stunned. I couldn’t believe my eyes. This massive gorilla. Pink! As pink as something is really pink. As pink as a lobster or as pink as just the colour pink. If you can imagine a page in a book and a child has coloured it pink with a pink pen? It was pink like that. Do you know like the way pink is pink? Well, this gorilla was really pink. OK? And I just thought ‘Oh my God! This is amazing’ and the fur of the gorilla looked so fine and so soft. I just really felt the urge to like reach through the cage and touch its fur. And then I suddenly realised ‘No! Daniel specifically asked me not to touch this animal. So, no, I’m not gonna touch it’ I really wanna touch it. I really wanna know how it feels like but I couldn’t. So, I decided ‘No, Luke. No. You’ve done enough tonight. You’ve investigated enough. It’s time to go to bed’ So, I closed the curtains. I tiptoed back upstairs, tiptoed up the stairs again and then went back to bed and I slept like a baby. I didn’t, you know, I didn’t… I slept like a baby. That means that I slept very well. It doesn’t mean that I kind of cried during my sleep and pissed myself, no. It just means that I had a very good night sleep. I slept like a baby. In the morning I was happy. I was happy. I cleaned the cages effectively, I cleaned them really well that all the animals were happy, that zebra with three heads, the duck without a beak, the leopard with no spots which could also be a puma. And I didn’t look inside the cage because Daniel was there, you know. Daniel was there, whistling (whistling). Because that’s what he does, Daniel. You probably don’t know but during the day he just whistles. He just sits there enjoying his animal collection and whistling (whistling) in a kind of 1950’s sort of way (whistling) Because no one whistles like that anymore, no one except Daniel Lazenby-Smythe because he is old fashioned and that’s just way he is. And so, I didn’t think about the pink gorilla, didn’t think about it at all until the end of the day, the end of the day. Suddenly when my work was done I remembered ‘Luke, what about that pink gorilla, though? What about the pink gorilla?’ And I thought ‘God, I’ve got to have another look’ because it was so amazing. So, after Daniel had gone to bed I went down the corridor and I, more confident this time, more confident because I knew what was inside, opened the curtains and the gorilla was right there in front of me, right there at the bars of the cage and he went – Hello – like that. And I went ‘Oh!’ like that, shocked. And he held out his hand to me. Held out his hand and I knew that he wanted me to touch his hand. Right? I thought ‘This, this doesn’t look so bad. It’s quite friendly’ The gorilla was smiling at me with these big teeth like that holding his hand out and I thought you know what? ‘I’m gonna… I’m gonna do it. I don’t care about Daniel Lazenby-Smythe. I just don’t care anymore, damn it! I’m gonna touch this gorilla. To hell with the consequences’ And so, I reached out my hand and I touched the gorilla. And his… just… I touched him briefly on the back of the hand and his fur was incredibly soft. It was like a fur of a unicorn. It was so soft. But this huge gorilla suddenly, soon as I touched him, suddenly started to go crazy. He started to shake the bars of the cage. He started to go round around, jump up and down. He did somersaults and I thought ‘Oh my God! What have I done? What have I done?’ And immediately the gorilla started to pull the bars open. He started to bend the bars open with this crazy look in his eyes, pull the bars open I thought ‘Oh my God! What have I done?! I’ve got to get out of here! I’ve got to get out of here!’ in an American accent. Suddenly I became like a kind of an American movie and I thought ‘Oh my God! Get out of there!’ So, I ran. I just ran. I ran out of the mansion. I didn’t bother to get any of my stuff. I couldn’t, I couldn’t because behind me the gorilla was running and I could hear his footsteps pounding on the ground as he chased after me through the mansion. So, I was running through the corridors of the mansion ‘Oh my God, I’ve got to run away. This gorilla’s gonna get me’ And I ran and ran. I could hear (footsteps) this gorilla coming towards me. So, I ran like my life depended on it because I w
as sure this gorilla was gonna rip my head off or something like that. So, I just kept running. I ran out into the street and I ran, ran down the street. I turned around ‘Maybe’ I thought ‘Maybe the gorilla… Maybe I lost him because I sort of took left turn there down an alleyway Maybe the gorilla, you know, has lost me…’ and I turned around but ‘…no. The gorilla hadn’t lost me’ In there it was sprinting down the road after me in a kind of gorilla style, you know, using his hands and his feet running after me and I… I just thought ‘Oh my God! What’s going on?!’ and then so, I ran. I ran for it and I found a bicycle on the side of the road. Just a bicycle had been left so I jumped on a bicycle and I accelerated. I bombed down the hill flying down the hill on this BMX bicycle and eventually I got down into the centre of the town an looked around and there was the pink gorilla. But he was on a bicycle too. I don’t know where he found it. He was flying down the road after me and so, I thought ‘Oh my God. I’m gonna neeed to find another form of transport.’ So, I quickly jumped onto a bus. I jumped onto one of those red London busses and I went upstairs and I kind of acted all nonchalant as if nothing was happening ‘So, I’m just… I’m just getting on a bus, nothing to worry about, just an ordinary passenger on this lovely red London bus. I’m just gonna sit here and act like nothing’s wrong, everything’s fine, everything’s absolutely fine. Maybe if I act normal the gorilla will sort of forget who I am and he’ll lose me, he won’t notice, right?’ So, I sat there and I started checking my emails on my phone and I kind of sat there for a while thinking ‘Ah, the gorilla probably doesn’t know where I am. I’m OK. After all I’m on a red London bus. It’s safe. Everything is OK.’ I looked out of the window and looked behind us down the street and immediately I saw the gorilla. And this gorilla was chasing the bus. He was chasing after the bus. He was smashing cars out of his way, just bang! Smashing these cars, taxies, black taxies, vans, trucks, just smashing them all out of his way in his mission to get me. And, you know, I nearly soiled my trousers, I’ll be honest, because I thought that everything was all right, but not. It wasn’t. The gorilla was more determined to get me than ever. He was just chasing after me. So, I just jumped out of the… jumped out of the bus and I thought ‘I’m gonna need to… I’m gonna need to get on another form of transport. So, I, sort of, dived into the Underground and I was in such a rush. I got up to the gates. I got up to the ticket gates but, of course, there was this woman in front of me. She couldn’t find her Oyster card. She was checking her pockets and I was like – Come on! Come on! For God sake, There’s a huge pink gorilla chasing after me! He’s gonna kill me. Can you just get through the gates, please? – And the woman was like – Excuse me, Excuse me, but I’m trying… I’m trying to find my Oyster card. I don’t need you. I don’t need you like telling me what to do, yeah? I don’t care if that pink gorilla chasing after you. I can’t find my Oyster card. Ah, look, sorry, but couldn’t you’ve looked for your Oyster card before you got here? This is the worst place to be. Didn’t you listen to my podcast about using the Underground? You shouldn’t, you know, you shouldn’t do this. You should be prepared when you get to the gates. You should have your Oyster card ready. No, look, Luke, you know, I know you… I know you’ve done a podcast about that but I don’t care right now. I don’t care, do I? I just don’t care, yeah? Yeah, I get the message. I think that you don’t really care. Fine. Never mind –
So, I went to the next gate and I got my Oyster card and I went through, managed to go down to the platform. The train came in. I jumped on the train and the train left and the announcement said – This is a Cockfosters… – No, the announcement said – This is a Piccadilly line train to Cockfosters calling at South Kensington and Piccadilly Circus – And so, I thought ‘Right. Good. I’m on a Piccadilly line going to Cockfosters. What am I gonna do? I guess I can go to… I can probably go to Stansted Airport if I change at Green Park onto a Victoria line and I take a Victoria line northbound and then go to Tottenham Hale. And from Tottenham Hale I can jump on the overland which would take me to Stansted Airport. And then I can just get a plane out of here and that pink gorilla is never gonna find me – So, I am, you know, I did that, took the Underground and I thought ‘This is fine. The gorilla can’t chase me on the Underground. This is fine. No problem’ And for a while I thought everything was all right. I thought ‘I’ve got a plan. Everything’s gonna be fine’ I changed onto the Victoria line. I went through to Tottenham Hale station, got out, walked through the streets ‘Nothing. No pink gorilla’ Everything was fine. Everything was calm ‘Nothing to worry about’ And so, I kind of walked leisurely in a relaxed way. I walked to the station to get the overland train, got the overland train, sat down, relaxed. I thought ‘This is gonna be nice. I’m gonna go on holiday somewhere. This is gonna be great’ I was just relaxing, sitting back in my seat. I looked to my right and there on the tracks next to the train, as the train was going along the tracks, then on the next set of tracks, there was the ****kin’ pink gorilla. There he was and he was on one of those like mechanical train things, you know those things, this is like a platform with a kind of metal handle, metal bar in the middle which you can lift up and down and it’s sort of… it’s a mechanical device which allows you to travel along the train tracks just by moving this bar up and down. So, he was on the one of those things moving it up and down, up and down, flying along next to the train. And I was so shocked. I just looked at him. I just couldn’t stop looking at him and the gorilla turned to me just there on the tracks, you know, flying along the tracks, moving the bar up and down. He turned to me and he just mouthed ‘I’m gonna get you. I’m gonna get you’ he mouthed. Understandably I was shocked and I was afraid. And… Hoooo! Dear, that was frightening so, what happened was I got out of the train near the airport and I realised ‘Oh my God, I don’t have any money’. While I was doing this I didn’t know what the pink gorilla was doing. He was probably putting the train platform mechanical device thing somewhere. Probably, maybe, maybe he had to deal with a member of train staff – Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me Mr Gorilla, Mr Pink Gorilla, do you mind if I ask you what you are doing? That is British Rail property. You’re not supposed to be touching that – And the gorilla probably went – I don’t care, squire. I don’t care what you think because I’m a bloody pink gorilla, yeah? I am on a mission to get that geezer over there called Luke Thompson. I’m gonna get him. Yeah, I’m gonna get him. I’m gonna… I’m gonna mug him right off. You will see, my friend – And so, that guy said – OK, sorry. You’re a bit frightening and a little bit scary and you’re huge pink gorilla. Im’ not gonna… I’m not gonna give you any trouble, in fact. I know, would you like a banana? I don’t eat any bananas, mate. I don’t eat. I’ve only got one mission and I that is to get that geezer over there called Luke Thompson and I’m gonna get him. Now, get out of my way! – So, the gorilla was involved in something which meant I had a little bit a time and I thought ‘Damn! I don’t have any money to pay for a ticket. What am I gonna do?’ And so, I went into the bank in order to borrow some money. I went to the bank to borrow some money, you know. I got an appointment with the bank manager in his office and so the bank manager said to me – OK Mr Thompson, would you like to take a seat? – So I said – Yeah. Great. Thanks. Thanks. Ooooo! Just sit down. Everything’s OK. Just sit down here. Oooo! That’s nice. Nice comfortable seats you have in a bank here, Mr manager. Yes, that’s right. We do have comfortable seats, Luke. Now, how can I help you? Well, I’d like to… I’d like to borrow some money, please. I’d like to take out a loan – And the bank manager said – OK. Fine. How much money would you like to borrow? – And I said – Well, I’d like to… if possible I’d like to borrow, well, as much, as much as you can… In fact, I’d like to borrow all… all the money, just all of it, all the money. Well Luke, I’m sure you realise that we can’t just simply lend you all the money, all the money in the bank. No, no, no, no. I don’t expect you lend me all the money in the bank, no. I just want you to lend me all the money, just all the money in the world. Ha, Luke! I understand you’re humorous gentleman. You like to have a laugh but seriously that’s impossible, that’s ridiculous. We… we could probably lend you about three thousand pounds with the interest rate, well, six per cent. Well, sorry Mr Bank Manager but I think you’ll find… I know that you’re the manager of this big bank which is all very important and all that kind of stuff. Well done. Congratulations. Clap, clap, clap. Good job. Yeah, you’re brilliant, but. I think you’ll find that this story and everything in it including you is basically the creation of my brain, OK? So, you can’t tell me ‘you can’t give me all the money’, OK? Because this is my story so basically, if I wanted to I could make you say and do anything I wanted – And the bank manager was like – Oh, really? Ehm… I don’t believe you. I don’t believe you. I think you’re making this up. Prove it – So, I said – OK. Fine. If you want me to prove it I’m gonna prove it. OK Mr Bank Manager, I’m going to make you speak like Sean Connery now. Ha! Don’t be ridiculous Luke. You can’t make speak me like Sean Connery… what the (hell)… Oh my God! You’ve made me speak like Sean Connery. This is… This is… This is strange. This is unbelievable. In fact, this is amazing. I’ve always wanted to speak like Sean Connery – To be honest he sounded a bit Dutch, really – Never mind, Luke. I don’t care if I sound Dutch. Essentially, this is a Sean Connery voice and you’ve made me speak like his. OK, never mind. Let’s say I don’t think you’ve convinced yet. Let’s say I want you to speak like Roger Moore. OK. Ha, you want me to speak like Roger Moore. That should be too much of a problem. OK, let’s say you’re gonna speak like a… you’re gonna speak like a Scouser. You’re gonna speak like someone from Liverpool now, Mr Bank Manager and then you’re gonna believe that I’m in control of this story and everything that happens in it. All right Luke. All right. So, you wanna… you wanna borrow some money? How much money do you wanna borrow? Oh yeah, you’ve told me that you wanna borrow all the money. Yes, that’s right. I do want to borrow all the money, Mr Bank Manager, who speaks with the Mancunian accent from Manchester. All right, Luke. All right. How’s it going? All right. Do you wanna borrow some money or something, yeah? You do … yeah? All right, I’ll tell you what I’ll do, yeah? I’ll give you a… I’ll give you a card, right? (gobbledygook) This accent’s gone wrong. Yes, that accent’s gone wrong. Let’s just say to speak normally, OK? And then I think you’ll agree that you can give me all the money, right? Because this is the story which I’ve created. Yes, OK Luke, you’ve convinced me. You’ve convinced me that you’re in control of the story. I’m gonna give you all the money. Would you like that in ten pound notes or twenty pound notes. Ah, well, can you give me twenties? C
ertainly, Luke. Have you got a container of some kind because all the money in twenty pound notes that’s a lot, that’s a lot of money? Ah, well, is there any way you could just give me like a credit card and then I don’t have to carry cash? Is that possible? Yes! Certainly, Luke. Yes, we can arrange for you to have a card. How about a debit card? Yes, debit card would be fantastic. Right. In fact, could you hurry up because, to be honest, I’m being chased by huge pink gorilla and I expect that it’s… it’s nearly caught up with me now. He’s probably outside the bank waiting for me so, please, can you hurry up and just get me the card and then I’ll be on my way, OK? Certainly, Luke, certainly. It’s been a pleasure doing business with you and I’m very glad that you’re our customer even though you’re going to take all the money. That’s right, all the money in the world. Yes, well, I’m gonna need it because I think this pink gorilla is a dangerous one and so I’m gonna need money. I’m gonna need some cash to help me get out of this difficult situation. I think you’ll agree – And the bank manager said – OK Luke, look, this… we’ve been in a bank too long in this part of the story so it’s time we moved on, isn’t it? Don’t you think? Yes, it is, bank manager. OK, thanks for your help. Great. Got the card. Great. Thank you. Bye, bye. Bye, bye, bye Mr. OK Luke, it’s really good doing business with you. Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye – So, bang! Out onto the street again and I thought you know what? ‘I really love Starbucks. I love Starbucks. I wonder if there’s Starbucks nearby somewhere… Yes! There’s a Starbucks right there, right next to me, of course. So, I went into Starbucks and got myself a coffee, didn’t I? Yeah. Got myself a Skinny Gingerbread Latte Mocha Frappuccino on Ice. And I got that and I drank that and then I thought ‘What am I doing? What am I doing? I can’t remember. That it! I’m escaping from this pink gorilla which is gonna try kill me’ and with that I looked down the street and there was the pink gorilla, finally just flying down the street towards me on a skateboard. And I thought ‘Oh God! Oh my God, he’s on a skateboard! Oh God!’ So, what I did was I got a scooter. I just stole a scooter from a child. Sorry. I didn’t really. It’s just a story. I stole a scooter from a child. Said – Come on, Johnny. Give me a scooter. I don’t care if you’re a child. I don’t care if this is a criminal act. It’s just a story, OK Johnny?- In fact (sound effect), magic! There’s a… there’s a new scooter. So, you can have that one and I’ll take you old one, OK? OK, mister. OK, mister. You can take my scooter. Thanks a lot. Bye, bye, bye. So (sound effect), I escaped down street towards the airport on a scooter with the pink gorilla flying behind me on a skateboard. It was dramatic. We got to the airport. I got there first, flew into the airport on my scooter, got to the counter – Give me a ticket to… somewhere else, please, on an aeroplane. Give me an aeroplane ticket. I want to leave as soon as possible – and the women said – OK, sir. You can have this ticket here. There you go. That’ll be a hundred and fifty thousand pounds. A hundred and fifty thousand pounds! Yes Luke, a hundred and fifty thousand pounds but after all you have got all the money and so, it’s not a problem, really. No, it’s not. How did you know that I had all the money? Never mind that, Luke. Never mind. I think that a… I think that a pink gorilla’s chasing you so you might wanna just, you know, keep moving? Yeah! You’re right. Thanks. Thanks very much- So, I took the ticket and I went through the airport, went through the security control. That was a bit annoying. I had to stand in a queue and I was standing in a queue waiting to go through the X-Ray machine. The pink gorilla was just standing behind me. He was like – This is a bit boring, isn’t it? This security control – and they don’t even let you bring water onto the plane. Oh, they don’t do they. Oh, oh. This is annoying. Anyway, that’s the modern world, bloody terrorists. I got through security and the pink gorilla was like – Oh yeah, I’m supposed to be chasing you, aren’t I? Yes, yes you are. So, I ran away from him and jumped onto a plane and I managed to jump on before the pink gorilla got there. The plane taxied down onto the runway and then (starting plane) flew off and took off and I thought ‘Ah! Finally! Finally, I’m in the air. I’m safe. Ironically, this is the safest place flying in a huge metal aeroplane. I couldn’t be safer and so, there I was in the sky, just sort of relaxing. I ordered a Martini shaken not stirred and drank it and I looked out the window and I thought ‘This is great. I’m flying to a new exotic destination. This is gonna be great. No problem at all. And I looked out the window and there on the wing, on the wing of the aeroplane, you guessed it, there was the engine but next to the engine there was a pink gorilla, the pink gorilla was holding onto the wing of the aeroplane as we were flying just holding on looking at me staring at me smiling with these big teeth and I thought ‘Oh my God! Oh Jesus! He’s managed to catch up with me and he’s even hanging onto the wing. This is terrible’ So, eventually, the aeroplane landed. We landed in the North Pole. That’s right in the North Pole. It was pretty cold at there, pretty cold on the North Pole. We landed and a… immediately I just ran. I just ran straight out the aeroplane. I just ran off into the snow. I just kept running through the snow. Running, running. Running, running, running. It was a bit cold but I was all right because I was running. So, I was running, running, running, kept running and I managed to jump onto an iceberg, jumped onto an iceberg. That’s like a big mountain of ice just floating in the water. I ran. I jumped onto the iceberg. I looked over my shoulder and the pink gorilla was running through the snow as well. He jumped onto the iceberg so I jumped off that iceberg and jumped onto another iceberg and the pink gorilla followed me and I kept jumping from iceberg to iceberg, iceberg to iceberg until eventually I was stuck on a little iceberg. Just stuck floating in the water at the North Pole and the gorilla was there and just walked up towards me. He just… he jumped over onto the iceberg and just walked up towards me and I thought ‘Oh God, this is it?! This is it?! Is this end of my life? Oh! Oh, dear! Not now, please! No, I’m not ready to go. Not yet.’ And the pink gorilla walked up to me and he extended his hand again. His huge pink arm extended towards me and I thought I he was gonna rip my head off but his hand slowly moved towards me and he just tapped me on the arm and he said – Tag, you’re it! – and I went – What? What do you mean? Tag! Tag, you’re it! What? Tag, mate, tag! You’re it! It’s a game, isn’t it? It’s a game. It’s just a… It’s a game – and I said – What about your accent? – Oh, yeah! Yeah! It’s a game! It’s a game, squire! It’s just a game! It’s a children’s game! What? Oh, yeah! Yeah. Yeah. I expect the listeners at this point have got no idea what’s going on but, yeah, you right, yeah. Tag! It’s a game. It’s like a game you play when you’re children in the playground at school. You touch someone. You say ‘Tag’ and then ‘You’re it’ and if you’re ‘it’ you have to chase other people and you touch them and then their ‘it’ and they have to chase you – So, I said – Yeah. Exactly. Tag, your it! – I said – What? Is that it? – He went – Yep. That’s it – and he just with that took around ran in the opposite direction and there I was just floating on this iceberg at the North Pole. I just thought ‘He didn’t wanna kill me. It was just a game of tag. What a disappointment this story is. That was it. That was a huge game of tag. So, the pink gorilla was just competitive. He just enjoyed playing games. Oh, I’m so stupid! Why did I even touch him in the first place? What an idio
t I am. I wish I’d never done it at the first place.’ But then I thought ‘Well, it is a game of tag after all so, I’d better chase him’ So, I sort of stood up picked myself up of the ground brushed the snow of my trousers. I thought ‘Right. I’m gonna get that gorilla and with that I jumped from iceberg to iceberg to iceberg back to the airport and I could see the pink gorilla getting on the plane and so I leapt onto the wing and the plane took off into the sunset and our game of tag continued forever.
And now as I tell you this story I’m just taking a break from the game of tag and I’m just sitting here managing to find time to record an episode of Luke’s English Podcast. And you’ve been listening to it ladies and gentlemen so, thanks very much for listening and I hope that somehow you enjoyed listening to this random story. I’m sure that you’ll find that listening to this has been an experience. It’s certainly been good for your English. It’s very important to listen to things like this in English from time to time.
Now, if you want to you can suggest additions to the story. What do you think happened next in the story of the Pink Gorilla? Maybe there were some aspects to the story which I didn’t deal with, in which case feel free to leave a comment underneath this podcast. You can leave comments on teacherluke.podomatic.com (now teacherluke.co.uk) or you can leave comments on teacherluke.wordpress.com. So, please, leave your comments and suggestions and ideas. If you have any questions, of course, you can leave comments again and you will hopefully get answers to those questions, eventually. So, please, keep visiting the websites and do write your questions and comments there but for now, for this episode of Luke’s English Podcast it’s goodbye, bye, bye, bye…
You’ve been listening to Luke’s English Podcast. For more information visit teacherluke.co.uk
Thank you very much to Andzrej for sending me this transcript. If you liked The Pink Gorilla Story, let me know and I will do more episodes like this in the future. Who knows, I might do The Pink Gorilla Story Part 2…
Is this the Pink Gorilla?
Another Award-Winning Year!
Hello!
If you’ve been following this year’s Macmillan awards you’ll see that Luke’s English Blog just won the award for Best Blog 2012. This is due to the fact that so many of you went out of your way to vote for me. Thank you very much! Your votes counted for a great deal, and I’m very proud that so many of you consider Luke’s English Podcast to be worth voting for.
If you are new to Luke’s English Podcast, then welcome! Let me tell you a few things about this website, so you get a flavour of what goes on here.
Firstly, this is Luke’s English Blog. This is where I post all the text which relates to each episode of Luke’s English Podcast. So, to be honest, the blog is not where it all happens. Really, this is a podcast with a lot of written content as well. The podcast is really how I communicate with my audience, and that is what I put most of my time and energy into. What’s the podcast all about? Well, there is a link in the menu at the top of this page that will explain all that to you. Can you see where it says ALL EPISODES up there? If you click on that you’ll get more information about the podcast. You can see that I do some other things as well, like videos on YouTube. They’re really popular and I’ve had over 2 million views now, in total. People keep asking me to make more videos and I will as soon as I find time!
In the podcast you can listen to me speaking directly to you. The show is intended for learners of English, although a lot of native speakers listen to it as well. The original concept behind the podcast was to provide a listening experience that is authentic (not scripted) and entertaining as well as informative from a language learning perspective. One of my main aims is just to make learners of English listen to English for extended periods of time. I know that to do this I have to make my episodes as engaging as possible. Often, I try to do this just by keeping my speaking ‘in the moment’. By that I mean not planning what I say too much in order to keep the listening experience as interesting as possible. I believe that just because I am talking to non-native speakers of English, there is no reason to make it overly simplistic or even patronising. I try to make the episodes funny if possible, or at least enthusiastic and passionate. I try to talk to my listeners as if I was talking to some friends in the pub over a pint or two of beer. Hopefully, this comes through in the episodes.
As a teacher in the classroom, I find that inevitably some parts of my lessons are boring. I’d be kidding myself if I thought that every part of my lessons was engaging and fascinating. I know in class when the attention of my students drops. Usually, this happens when we discuss grammar, or go through lengthy reading texts or exam tasks. I’ve found that the students interest is most stimulated when the lesson seems to go ‘off topic’ or ‘off piste’. I have found that the students become much more engaged during break times, when suddenly they stop acting like students and just start communicating and interacting more naturally. I also find that they respond well to me telling them more personal stuff. Also, I know that in class, TTT (teacher talking time) should be kept to a reasonable limit, and yet I often feel that I have so many things to say to my students! So, I decided to start doing a podcast in which I could just speak personally, without having to worry about TTT, and in a way that I hope is engaging for the listeners. In the end, I hope that my listeners just get hooked and as a result do a lot more listening than they normally would.
There are plenty of reasons why I do Luke’s English Podcast, but those are some of them. Perhaps in the future I’ll tell you the whole story in an episode of the podcast.
By the way, at the moment I am experiencing some seriously annoying technical problems with my podcast host Podomatic.com
They have blocked downloads and uploads for a while, so you won’t be able to download, and I can’t upload new episodes. This is because they believe I haven’t paid my annual subscription fee, when in fact I did pay them quite a large sum of money in November for my “Pro Broadcaster Plus” membership package. I have sent them numerous emails about this and I still have received no reply. I am now seriously considering closing my Podomatic account and moving to another podcast host. It’s particularly annoying that at this crucial time, when I’ve just won this award, no one can download my episodes and I can’t talk to my listeners. Understandably, I am pretty peeved, cheesed off and generally quite angry about podomatic’s billing error.
Anyway, in future you will be able to download more episodes of the podcast, but for now I suggest that you have a look at the previous episodes of the podcast or the YouTube videos I’ve made (click VIDEOS above).
Thanks again for reading, and thank you very very much for voting for me. I am seriously proud to have won this award again!
Best regards,
Luke
124. James Bond
This episode is all about the history of James Bond. You can also learn how to speak like Sean Connery or Roger Moore :)
Right-click here to download this episode.
NEWS UPDATE: I won the Macmillan Dictionary Award for Best Blog 2012! Thank you very much for voting for me! I’m delighted to have won the award. I will record a podcast soon in order to thank you in person.
Also, you may have experienced some problems downloading the podcast recently. This was due to a technical difficulty by podomatic.com, my podcast host. Thankfully they have now fixed the problem and you should be able to download properly. In fact, since the problem was fixed I had over 5,000 downloads just yesterday!
ANYWAY! This episode is all about James Bond. You can read the blog post transcript below. Also, you can see the video of Steve Coogan and Rob Brydon from the trip, below.
50 Years of James Bond
This year the James Bond franchise celebrates its 50 year anniversary with the release of the new Bond movie Skyfall, which is receiving some very positive reviews. Some people are calling it the best Bond movie ever, and it is likely to become the highest earning film of the franchise so far. In this blog post I’m going to give a brief overview of the history of the franchise and then tell you what I thought about Skyfall.
You can find definitions of the words in bold at the bottom of this post.
50 Years of James Bond
First, some background info on the Bond films, released by Eon Productions. The series kicked off in 1962 with Sean Connery as 007 in Dr No. This was followed by four other films with Connery as Bond. These first five films really established all the hallmarks of the James Bond franchise. A cool and handsome Bond, sudden violence, stunning international locations, beautiful women, casual sexism, ironic jokes (usually made by Bond just after killing someone), gadgets, side characters such as M, Q and Miss Moneypenny, insane bad-guys who want to destroy the world and other trademarks such as Bond’s Aston Martin sports car and his Walther PPK handgun. Sean Connery is still widely considered to be the best Bond. It was his combination of good looks, self-confidence and aggression that really defined how we see Bond today.
In 1969 after Connery quit, the role of Bond went to a largely unknown actor called George Lazenby in the film On Her Majesty’s Secret Service. Lazenby didn’t enjoy playing Bond, complaining that the producers hadn’t treated him with enough respect as an actor and that the character was a “brute”. The film is widely regarded as a flop, with Lazenby an unconvincing Bond. Personally I like the film. It’s full of amazing action sequences and has quite an emotional ending, unlike most of the other Bond films. Lazenby’s Bond is more vulnerable and human than Connery’s, which makes him a more realistic and three-dimensional character.
Connery was persuaded to return as Bond for Diamonds Are Forever in 1971. In contrast to the previous film, this one was more humourous in tone. In fact, during the 70s the films became less serious, prone to moments of silliness and generally quite formulaic.
Then in 1973 Roger Moore took over as James Bond, and the silliness continued. Moore’s acting style was more suited to comedy than action and many of Moore’s films contain moments of camp humour which many critics believe lessen the seriousness and dramatic impact of the franchise. Still, Roger Moore is an entertaining James Bond, even if he was less aggressive and dynamic than Connery and Lazenby.
Roger Moore made seven Bond films, and the last one A View to a Kill was considered to be a financial failure. Moore was too old to continue as Bond. The producers decided it was time to find a new actor for the role. Initially the job was offered to Pierce Brosnan, but then withdrawn because of his contractual commitments to a popular TV show called Remington Steele, but Brosnan would return later. It was Timothy Dalton who got the role in the end, playing Bond in two films from 1987 to 1989.
Dalton was a classically-trained actor and decided he would play Bond as a dark, serious character. In a similar way to George Lazenby he interpreted Bond as a more vulnerable character who questions his orders from his boss, M. Critics praised his two performances as bringing more weight to the films, but they also criticised the lack of humour and playfulness which had become an essential part of the franchise.
In 1995, after 6 years without Bond, the film GoldenEye was released with Pierce Brosnan in the lead role. It was a big box-office success and was generally considered to be a modernisation of the series. Pierce Brosnan was praised for his performance as Bond. He seemed to combine aspects of both Sean Connery and Roger Moore. He had the looks, the charisma and the aggressive brutality of Connery but also the suave sophistication and humourous touch of Roger Moore. He also managed to include some of the depth and psychological realism of the Dalton performances. The film also included Judi Dench in the role of M (Bond’s boss). This was considered to be a positive move because it addressed some of the sexism of the previous films in the franchise. In one scene, M refers to Bond as a “sexist, misogynist dinosaur”. Also, Judy Dench is just a great actress and she brought a new level of depth to the character of M. She remains a key character in the more recent Bond films, especially Skyfall.
Brosnan made five Bond films in total. They were all commercial successes but critical reactions were mixed. Goldeneye breathed new life into the Bond franchise, but the subsequent Brosnan Bond films quickly became formulaic and unoriginal, focusing on action rather than character and story.
Then in 2006 we were introduced to a new Bond, played by Daniel Craig. Casino Royale rebooted the Bond franchise, starting the whole storyline again from scratch. We see Bond doing his first assassination mission, earning his licence to kill and struggling with the psychological and physical pressure of being 007. The film was a massive commercial success, and was considered by critics to be a genuinely fresh version of Bond. Daniel Craig was considered the best Bond since Connery, perhaps even better than him. Casting Craig was a bold move. He doesn’t really look like the classic image of Bond. He is blond and doesn’t have the same classically handsome features as Connery, Moore or Brosnan. However, he has intensity, a sense of vulnerability and a very striking physical presence. Casino Royale showed us more than ever that James Bond is a human being. He gets hurt both physically and emotionally. We care about him and feel his pain.
Daniel Craig’s second James Bond film, Quantam of Solace is a bit of a confusing mess. The storyline is very hard to follow. The action sequences are bewildering. There is very little character development and the whole film is littered with product placement. The film damaged a lot of the achievements of Casino Royale, so with the third film, Skyfall, the producers were keen to fix those problems and put the Bond franchise back on track.
The result is that the latest Bond film is a big success. It’s already being described as possibly the best Bond film we’ve ever had, and it’s likely to make more money than any other Bond movie in the past. Most of the boxes are ticked. The film has a complex, serious storyline, yet it is also a lot of fun. There are plenty of exciting action. The bad-guy (played by Javier Bardem) is ridiculous, insane and funny. The story is involving. The character development is detailed and interesting. The film also pays homage to previous Bond films, and even reveals some new details about Bond’s history. It’s not perfect of course. While watching it I couldn’t help thinking “this is completely ridiculous!” but then I realised that it was a James Bond film and it’s supposed to be ridiculous, and then I started to enjoy it a lot more. Certainly, in Skyfall, Bond has become something of a superhero. Although he gets hurt and is clearly getting a bit old for the job, he still manages to do things which are completely impossible in the real world, but that’s all right because this is James Bond!
Daniel Craig is still contracted to appear in two more Bond films, and to be honest after this one I can’t imagine where they will go next with the franchise. Isn’t Daniel Craig getting a bit old to play Bond now? How will they move the franchise forward when Bond has already been deconstructed in these modern films? How can they do anything new? Will they just remake Dr No or Goldfinger? Will the Bond films just go back to being silly and misogynistic? I’m already looking forward to seeing the next film, just in order to find out what they do next.
If you’ve seen Skyfall, leave a comment below to tell us what you thought. Otherwise, why don’t you tell us what you think of James Bond in general? Feel free to share your thoughts below and thanks for reading this (rather long) blog post. Bye for now!
Luke
Vocabulary in this episode
- franchise (n) – a series of films which have become a range of trademarked products including books, merchandise, toys etc. Other examples of a franchise are the Harry Potter films, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings.
- kicked off (v) – started
- hallmarks (n) – very typical features of something which allow you to recognise it. E.g. the hallmarks of a James Bond movie are the locations, the bond-girls, the violence, the gadgets etc.
- gadgets (n) – little items of technology which are useful for specific things. E.g. an iPod, or a pen which shoots arrows.
- trade marks (n) – similar to ‘hallmarks’ (above), these are symbols or features which represent something, or which allow you to recognise something easily. E.g. the 007 logo we see on James Bond posters is a kind of trade mark for the James Bond franchise.
- brute (n) – a violent person who behaves like an animal
- flop (n) – a commercial failure
- unconvincing (adj) – unrealistic, looks fake
- vulnerable (adj) – able to be easily physically or emotionally hurt
- three dimensional (adj) – 3D, with depth, not just flat
- tone (n) – feeling, atmosphere
- prone to (v) – likely to suffer from
- formulaic (adj) – consisting of fixed or repeated ideas
- camp (adj) – deliberately exaggerated and theatrical
- contractual commitments (n) – obligations that have to be met because of a contract
- a classically-trained actor (n) – an actor who trained in a theature using classical techniques
- interpreted (v) – decided what the intended meaning of something is
- praise (v) – the opposite of ‘criticise’, to say good things about something
- lack of (n) – not enough of something
- suave (adj) – charming, pleasant and attractive, possibly insincere, slightly negative
- addressed (v) – dealt with
- misogynist (n) – a man who hates women, or who believes that women are inferior to men
- mixed (adj) – inconsistent; some good some bad
- breathed new life into (v phrase) – refreshed, revitalised
- rebooted (v) – restarted
- (from) scratch (n) – (from) the beginning, the starting point
- a bold move (n) – a courageous decision/action
- striking (adj) – very unusual or easily noticed and therefore attracting a lot of attention
- mess (n) – something very untidy and disorganised
- bewildering (adj) – confusing
- littered (adj) – made untidy because of many things covering it. E.g. “The floor was littered with dirty clothes.” “The movie is littered with product placement.”
- product placement (n) – a kind of advertising which involves putting products into a movie so the audience will see them.
- (put something back) on track (phrase) – to return something to the correct way, to make something go back in the right direction again. E.g. “After a few problems, the project is now back on track.”
- pays homage to (verb phrase) – to make reference to something as a way of showing respect to it. E.g. when a film makes a reference to a previous film.
- contracted (adj) – obliged by contract
- deconstructed (v) – to analyse something by taking it apart and looking at the elements that it is made of.
STEVE COOGAN AND ROB BRYDON “Come come Mr Bond…”
Thanks for Voting / Downloading Problems
Hi listeners,
First of all, thank you very much for voting for Luke’s English Blog in the annual award for Best Blog 2012. So many of you voted for me and I really appreciate it. I suppose it’s your way of saying that you appreciate listening to episodes of the podcast.
Secondly, you may be experiencing some difficulty downloading episodes of the podcast at the moment. I am having some problems with my podcast provider PodOmatic.com. Hopefully the issue will be resolved soon. It’s a real pity that you can’t download right now as I recorded a podcast about James Bond this evening and I think you’ll find it interesting and enjoyable. You’ll have to wait a little while before you can listen to it because PodOmatic have blocked me from uploading episodes. It should be fixed soon.
In the meantime, why not revisit one of the older episodes of Luke’s English Podcast and see if you can catch something new or perhaps remind yourself of some of the vocabulary you may have forgotten.
Normal service will resume soon, and yes I have my fingers crossed for the competition. The voting closes tonight at midnight GMT, and I expect the results to be announced soon. Fingers, and toes, well and truly crossed.
Thanks for reading,
Luke
123. What’s Been Going On?
A general news update from L.E.P. *Sorry about the bad sound quality!*
Right-click here to download this episode.
In this episode I let you know what’s been happening recently and look at some recent news stories.
*There is a sound quality problem with this episode. It’s recorded very quietly. Apologies for this. The next episode will be better.*
You can read the news stories from the newspaper below.
Click here to vote for me in the Macmillan Awards (voting closes Jan 21 2013).
News Stories
Here are the news stories I discuss in this episode
HAPISpoon
For those struggling with New Year diets, help is on its way – in the form of a fork that tells you when to stop eating. Designed to prevent users from gobbling down too much food, the HAPIfork monitors the number of times you take food off your plate, and vibrates if you’re doing it too often. Over several meals, as you learn to eat more slowly, the device gradually increases the amount of time allowed between mouthfuls, until it reaches the optimum gap of 10-15 seconds.
HORSE MEAT IN TESCO BEEF BURGERS
Tesco, after the beef burgers in its Everyday Value range were found to contain a significant amount of horse meat. The investigation – by Ireland’s Food Safety Authority – also found horse meat in products on sale at UK branches of Iceland.
CLOSURE OF HMV
The High Street, with the closure of Jessops, the photographic chain. Days later, HMV went into administration.
BELGIAN SAT NAV MISTAKE
A Belgian woman who planned to drive 80km to Brussels ended up 1,450km away, after following her sat nav for two days across Europe. “I was distracted, so just kept on driving,” said Sabine Moreau, 67. “I saw all kinds of traffic signs, first in French, then in German and finally in Croatian.”
KILLER SLUG ARRIVES
Long-standing fears about an invasion of a “killer” slug that devours crops, eats dead mammals and will even feast on dog faeces were justified last week, when the species – Arion vulgaris – was found in a UK garden for the first time, says BBC News online “The presence of this aggressive species is bad news,” said entomologist Dr John Bedford, who identified the Spanish slug in his garden on the outskirts of Norwich. He became suspicious about the slugs on account of their sheer number (Spanish slugs can lay 400 eggs a day, have few predators and can grow up to five inches long) and voracious eating habits: they ate a dead mouse, as well as a wide variety of plants in his garden. And this is just the beginning, warns Dr Bedford. Millions of eggs and baby slugs are likely to be buried under leaves, waiting to emerge in the spring.
TARANTINO
Quentin Tarantino was on prickly form at last week’s London premiere of his new film, Django Unchained. Before appearing on the red carpet, the director sent an assistant out to request that he only be photographed from the front, to hide his big chin. “He will be very upset if anyone tries to photograph him from the side,” she warned. Earlier in the day, Tarantino had quarrelled with Channel 4’sKrishnan Guru-Murthy, after the interviewer asked him a question about the effects of screen violence. “I refuse your question. I’m not your slave and you’re not my master,” he snarled. “I’m shutting your butt down.”
WAS ABRAHAM LINCOLN RACIST?
To The Daily Telegraph
Abraham Lincoln was a racist who deliberately started a war that killed more than 650,000 people. He had no intention of freeing slaves, who freed themselves by fleeing to Unionist lines during a war that was going badly for the North and in which they became needed as recruits.
In September 1862, Lincoln’s preliminary emancipation proclamation declared that the South could keep its slaves if it returned to the Union. Slave holders in the four slave states fighting for the Union were given until 1900 to consider emancipating their slaves. The Emancipation Proclamation itself did not free a single slave, since it was limited to territory controlled by the Confederacy.
Until the day he died, Lincoln’s ideal solution to the problem of blacks was to “colonise” them back to Africa or the tropics. This was what he told a delegation of free blacks he summoned to the White House in the summer of 1863, when he stressed that the mere presence of blacks caused pain to white Americans. He eventually agreed to the 13th amendment, which freed all slaves.
Americans ignore all this since otherwise the history of the Civil War looks little better morally than the US’s treatment of blacks before and after. Steven Spielberg’s film sustains the myth that Lincoln redeemed the US’s racist past. He did not.
Alan Sked, professor of international history, London School of Economics
To The Daily Telegraph
Professor Alan Sked’s assertion that Abraham Lincoln “deliberately started a war that killed more than 650,000 people” is difficult to reconcile with the facts.
Perhaps it is being posited that by standing for election as president and then having the temerity to win that election, Lincoln started the war. In fact, the Confederates were much keener on war than Lincoln, because they arrogantly believed they would win it easily. Professor Sked states that Lincoln “eventually agreed to the 13th amendment which freed all slaves”. This gives the impression that Lincoln was reluctant to do so, whereas, of course, he was the main driving force behind Congress passing the law. His efforts to secure its passage are the basis of Steven Spielberg’s film.
Of course, Lincoln was not a saint but his views on the position and future of blacks in the US changed radically during the course of his presidency. He had to operate in the atmosphere of his time and in the framework of what was politically possible. His achievements need to be judged accordingly, and not condemned for failing to satisfy 21st century criteria.
David Cowell, Lincoln
DAVID BOWIE COMEBACK
David Bowie fans, with the surprise release of the singer-songwriter’s first single in ten years. Where Are We Now? – an elegiac track recalling his years in Berlin in the 1970s – shot straight to the top of the downloads charts. The last release from Bowie (pictured) was in 2003; the next year, he abandoned a tour after suffering a heart attack, and has rarely appeared in public since.
Competition Time Again!
Hello Dear Listeners,
As you probably already know, this time last year I won the Macmillan Dictionary Love English Award for Best Blog 2011! I talked about it all the time after I won. That’s because I was really happy to have won it. I work very hard on Luke’s English Podcast and so I am really pleased to find out that so many people around the world listen to it, improve their English with it and also enjoy some entertainment. It felt like my hard work had paid off, and that I had managed to make a success of Luke’s English Podcast.
Well, it’s that time of year again, and I’ve been nominated for their award for Best Blog 2012. Naturally, I want to win it again! I feel I now have to compete with myself. Can I achieve what I achieved last year? I certainly hope so. Doing that would give me the confidence and the reassurance that I am definitely helping people with their English and giving them an entertaining and informative service. It would really help to push me into 2013 and hopefully expand the audience of the podcast even further.
So I need your help.
If you like the podcast, and you want me to win the competition. Please show your support by voting for me! You can do it here. Click this link: THIS LINK! Then scroll down until you find Luke’s English Blog and then click Vote. Thank you, you have just helped! Let’s keep our fingers crossed that the podcast wins again. I might need you to encourage your friends to vote too. It could make all the difference. Currently I am in 2nd place, so I will need quite a lot of votes too.
Also, the Macmillan website is a very good place to learn English and there are links to plenty of other useful pages and blogs there. Are any of them quite as good as Luke’s English Podcast? Only you can decide that! But, I must say that not many of them provide the full 100% experience you get from Luke’s English Podcast, do they? Do they really?! With my podcast you can not only read English, but listen to a real native English speaker teaching directly to you in your earphones. It’s like being there with the teacher as he teaches you. In fact, it’s like being in the UK itself, perhaps in a pub with some English speaking friends. It’s the best way to learn the language, isn’t it? Directly from English speakers talking to you.
I really hope you agree, and that you vote!
Thanks a lot and have a great morning/lunch/afternoon/evening/night.
Luke