78. Christmas – It’s all about Family (with James)

(sound of welling up)
J: Welling up means almost literally, imagine a well of water overflowing.
L: Yeah. It’s like when tears…
J: …when tears are coming to your eyes. You’re not quite crying, nearly crying, you’re welling up. Say you watch “Bambi” you’ll probably be welling up by the end of that.
L: Yeah or any sort of…
J: Or near the middle, I can’t remember whenever his mum dies.
L: Does his mum die?
J: Oh Luke’s welling up now.
L: (sobbing) What? You said that bambi’s mom dies. (normal voice) Anyone out there who doesn’t know what the Bambi is, it’s a Disney film about the deer. Do you know what a deer is? You know what the deer is.
J: I know what a deer is.
L: A deer is, you know, Bambi. That’s what a deer is. It’s an animal that lives in the forest.
J: Which brings us neatly onto Christmas food. I quite like venison at Christmas.
L: What’s venison?
J: It’s actually deer meat.
L: Yeah. All right.
J: Which is why they killed Bambi’s mum, so they can eat her. Very nice cutlets, quite clean lean meat, not too much fat. Very nice with a glass of red wine.
L: Quite gamey?
J: Quite gamey, yeah, because it lives in the forest, eats apples stuff like that.
L: God, the amount of language which is coming out of your mouth. It’s quite lean. Did you said “lean”?
J: Lean meat means not much fat. So say you went to the butcher’s you might ask for some lean meat.
L: Lean meat, so that’s meat without too much fat.
J: Yeah. Okay. A deer is a…
L: Deer is an animal that…
J: … a hoofed mammal.
L: Hopefully, whenever I explain the word deer and I do explain that word quite a lot for some reason, I always just say “Bambi” and most of the students know exactly what I mean. So deer… I have a joke for you. Do you know what it is?
J: Yeah.
L: What do you call a deer… take your time over this… don’t jump… don’t jump ahead… What do you call a deer with no eyes. Now perhaps I should just explain…
J: No…
L: (Luke wants to stop James) Don’t jump ahead.
J: I don’t know.
L: You don’t know, very good. “What do you call a deer…” This is a joke, I’m telling the joke dear listeners. This is an old quaint English tradition. A joke so… “What do you call a deer with no eyes?” and the answer, typical answer is “I don’t know”.
J: You have to answer that, otherwise the joke doesn’t work.
L: That’s the way the jokes work.
J: Okay. Just accept it, okay.
L: You’re asking a question, the person says “I don’t know” and then you answer that with the funny line.
J: …with the humorous answer.
L: So let’s just go back to beginning of that joke. Okay?
L: “What do you call a deer with no eyes?”
J: I don’t know.
L: Well, the answer is “No idea / No eye deer”

(moment of silence)
L: Okay. I’ve got another one actually. “What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?”
J: I don’t know.
L: Still no idea.
J: That’s going to take so long to explain.
L: I’m here all week. So, deer… So Christmas food, well…
J: Let’s get on to that. The traditional Christmas meal is turkey, which is a winged bipedal…
L: Wait a minute… We all know what a turkey is, is like a big chicken. Right?
J: Okay, it’s a big chicken.
L: A big chicken. And the only reason they exist on earth now is so that we can eat them at Christmas. I think, you know, in England, I need to blow my nose… there is a bit of vocab. Vocab hunters.
J: Luke’s going to blow his nose now, which means firing snot out of his nasal cavities into a piece of tissue paper.
L: Right, I’ve got the tissue. My listeners are going to be treated to an audio explosion. It’s the audio event of the year. “Ladies and gentlemen, please take your seats, the show is about to begin.” so drum roll… “Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together for Luke blowing his nose…”, “silence in the auditorium, please” as Luke is getting a tissue paper ready of his nose and is just about to blow, here you go”
(sound of blowing nose)
J: Disgusting, but better that than sniffing.
L: I think in some cultures that’s really rude, blowing your nose.
J: But over here it’s not exactly loved, but that’s much better than sitting there sniffing all day or wiping it on your sleeve or something.
L: Sniffing is worse, sniffing is when (sound of sniffing).
J: Or on the tube, which is normally me, because I forget to bring tissue with me. And I (sound of sniffing). Disgusting.
L: I know that in some cultures that’s considered to be very rude if you blow your nose. But you know this is Luke’s English Podcast, we’re in London. It’s not rude here.
J: “When in Rome”… blow your nose.