Author Archives: Luke Thompson

About Luke Thompson

I've been teaching English for over 20 years in London, Japan and France. I also do an award-winning podcast for learners of English called "Luke's English Podcast". In my free time I'm a stand-up comedian who regularly performs shows in English in Paris and sometimes London.

88. How To Play The Drums (Describing Music)

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Learn how to be a rock star in this episode. I’ll teach you a bit about music and about how to play the drums. Also you can listen to various famous drummers talking about their technique. See below for some vocabulary.

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Vocabulary & Notes
Here are some notes containing some of the words and expressions used in this episode.
People sometimes say that one of the best ways to learn English is to learn how to do something else in English, like flower arranging or a new sport. So that’s why in this episode I’m going to teach you how to play the drums. I’m going to teach you about the drums too. This is quite an ambitious episode because I’ve never taught someone how to play the drums before.

I’ve been playing drums since I was 13, so about 22 years now. I was lucky because we got a drum kit for Christmas. We had a garage separate from the house and we put the drum kit there. We lived in the countryside and our neighbours were not too close so they didn’t hear the noise. That’s the advantage of the countryside. My Dad used to play the drums. It was the best gift ever. I had learned the piano and I played bass later. My brother learned the drums because he loved punk rock music. Then I played the drums too. I used to play for an hour a day at least. I’d try to copy other drummers that I liked such as Mitch Mitchell, Stewart Copeland and Ringo (yes, Ringo).

I played in a lot of bands. I was in a band in Liverpool and 2 bands in Japan. I had a CD in the shops in Japan. I basically taught myself to play drums.

Music basically has 3 elements: rhythm, melody and harmony. Rhythm is the first element. It’s the foundation. We all have rhythm inside us because of our heartbeat. There are other rhythms too like the days, the years, walking, repetitive tasks, the sound of a train or a horse. African music used rhythm. The drum was the first instrument. It was used as a communication tool.

English has a rhythm. All languages do. A sentence can be like a drum beat.

So, how do you play drums? It’s just a series of objects to hit in the right order to get a beat. You punctuate the beats with rolls. Most music has a time signature. Usually 4/4. That’s 4 beats in a bar. 1 2 3 4. That’s what you count when you play. You place beats on different numbers. There are sub beats too. 1 and 2 and 3 and 4 and.

We’ll come back to beats. Let me tell you about the kit. You have drums and cymbals, and sticks. The big drum on the floor is the bass drum. It has a deep sound. Attached to the top of that there are two tom-toms. You have another tom-tom on the floor and that makes three. Just in front of you, between your legs is the snare. It’s high pitched and it has a metal coil under the bottom skin. This gives it a sharp sound. Then, cymbals. On the left with a pedal you have the hi-hat. This is two cymbals, one up one down. Press the pedal and the top one comes down. Hold your foot down and you close the hi-hats. Then hit it with the stick on the 1 and 2 and 3 and 4 and beats. Bass drum on 1  3 Snare on 2   4 That’s a basic rock beat!

87. Six Idioms and Six Phrasal Verbs (with Oli)

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I chat to Oli about the news and teach you 6 idioms and 6 phrasal verbs. For a list of the phrasal verbs and idioms see below. Thanks for downloading!

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I still haven’t received the Macmillan Phrasal Verb Dictionary by the way. When I receive it I will let you know.

The 6 Phrasal Verbs
(Luke’s phrasal verbs all begin with the letter L)
To lapse into something “I lapsed into a dream” -to go down into a different state
To let up “The snow just doesn’t let up” -to stop
To lust after something “They always lust after a big news story in the paper” -to really want something in a sexual way
To lash out at something “They lash out at criticism” -to react aggressively to something
To leaf through something “It’s nice to have a cup of tea and leaf through the paper” -to slowly turn the pages of a book or paper
To laugh something off “They just laugh off the criticism” -to deal with criticism by just laughing about it

The 6 Idioms
(Oli’s begin with the letter M)
To be no match for someone/something “This boxer is no match for Mike Tyson” -he’s not as good as Mike Tyson
To take matters into your own hands “He took matters into his own hands” -to take control of a situation yourself
To get a dose of your own medicine “He’s going to get a dose of his own medicine tonight” -to experience for yourself bad things which you normally do to others”
To take a trip down memory lane “Looking at those old photos made me take a trip down memory lane” -to make you remember something
To make a mental note “When you have an iPhone you don’t need to make a mental note” -to remember something
To take the mickey out of someone “They kept taking the mickey out of me for my new haircut” -to make fun of someone, to tease someone

86. Criminal Law (Vocabulary, Story & Conversation)

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Join my cousin Oli and me as we discuss an interesting legal case. This quite well-known case involves some quite dark themes such as murder and suicide.

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See below for vocabulary and a transcript of the story of Ronald Opus. You can also see a video of the story from the film Magnolia.

VOCABULARY
These terms all relate to criminal law.

Homicide = The killing of another person
Suicide = The taking of one’s own life
Murder = An intentional act of homicide
Manslaughter = An act of homicide which does not include intention, but for which the defendant is responsible. E.g. A man gets drunk and drives home. He can’t control the car and so he kills a pedestrian.
Attempted murder = The crime of attempting to kill someone, but failing
Involuntary manslaughter = An act of manslaughter in which the person is guilty of killing someone but they didn’t want to and did it completely by accident
Mitigating factors = These are factors which make a crime less serious. E.g. in an act of murder if the murderer is not of sound mind, or if they kill the person because they are forced to.
Aggravating factors = These are factors which make a crime more serious. E.g. if an assailant or attacker uses a weapon, or if a murder involves excessive cruelty or pre-meditation.
Assault = The crime of hurting someone, usually physically.
Aggravated assault = More serious than assault because this involves a weapon or serious physical damage.
Commit = A verb used with all the above-mentioned crimes. E.g. to commit murder, to commit suicide (not technically a crime). It just means ‘do’ but it’s the appropriate term when referring to crimes.

The Story of Ronald Opus
On 23 March 1994, the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus and concluded that he died from a shotgun wound to the head. The deceased had jumped from the top of a ten-story building intending to commit suicide (he left a note indicating his despondency). As he fell past the ninth floor, his life was interrupted by a shotgun blast through a window, which killed him instantly. Neither the shooter nor the deceased was aware that a safety net had been erected at the eighth floor level to protect some window washers and that Opus would not have been able to complete his suicide anyway because of this.

Ordinarily, Dr. Mills continued, a person who sets out to commit suicide ultimately succeeds, even though the mechanism might not be what he intended. That Opus was shot on the way to certain death nine stories below probably would not have changed his mode of death from suicide to homicide. But the fact that his suicidal intent would not have been successful caused the medical examiner to feel that he had a homicide on his hands. The room on the ninth floor whence the shotgun blast emanated was occupied by an elderly man and his wife. They were arguing and he was threatening her with the shotgun. He was so upset that, when he pulled the trigger, he completely missed his wife and the pellets went through the a window striking Opus.

When one intends to kill subject A but kills subject B in the attempt, one is guilty of the murder of subject B. When confronted with this charge, the old man and his wife were both adamant that neither knew that the shotgun was loaded. The old man said it was his long-standing habit to threaten his wife with the unloaded shotgun. He had no intention to murder her – therefore, the killing of Opus appeared to be an accident. That is, the gun had been accidentally loaded.

The continuing investigation turned up a witness who saw the old couple’s son loading the shotgun approximately six weeks prior to the fatal incident. It transpired that the old lady had cut off her son’s financial support and the son, knowing the propensity of his father to use the shotgun threateningly, loaded the gun with the expectation that his father would shoot his mother. The case now becomes one of murder on the part of the son for the death of Ronald Opus.

There was an exquisite twist. Further investigation revealed that the son had become increasingly despondent over the failure of his attempt to engineer his mother’s murder. This led him to jump off the ten- story building on March 23, only to be killed by a shotgun blast through a ninth story window.

The medical examiner closed the case as a suicide.

Video of the case from the film “Magnolia”

85. A Stand-up Comedy Gig

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Listen to one of Luke’s stand-up gigs. First I talk about stand-up comedy and tell you some common expressions to describe comedy performances (see below). Then listen to me describing how I feel before a comedy gig, then listen to a recording of a recent gig. Finally I describe how I feel after the gig.
There is some explicit content in this episode. Please don’t listen if you are offended easily.

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Vocabulary
Here are some expressions I describe in the podcast
When a comedian has a bad performance and gets no laughs:
“He absolutely bombed last night” – to bomb
“He died on stage” – to die
“He died on his arse tonight” – to die on your arse
When a comedian is doing well
“He’s absolutely killing the audience” – he’s really making them laugh a lot
“This joke always kills” – the joke always gets a good laugh
The punchline – the line that gets the laugh / to punch someone (another meaning – to hit him in the face)

Here are some videos of my favourite stand-up comedians. Enjoy!!!

George Carlin talks about his ‘stuff’

Bill Bailey on Cockney musical influences in classical music

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQyR0HRxNEA&

Eddie Izzard on learning French

Flight of the Conchords talk about the big issues

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5tmnBeNv18&

Louis CK talks about children and their secrets

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=166L3cE3zyk&

84. Luke’s English Braincast (with James)

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Why is it called Luke’s English Braincast? Listen to the episode until the end to find out.

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Contents
What’s been going on? What’s been happening? In this episode, Luke and James talk about recent news stories and current affairs including:
– The London Olympic Games
– The Queen’s Diamond Jubilee
– The Superbowl
– Charles Dickens 200th Anniversary
– The Oscars 2012
– Women drivers
and a number of other fascinating topics! You will find a list of some vocabulary used in the show below. Just scroll down the page, listen to the episode and learning will occur!

You can also hear Luke’s award acceptance speech. I’m now going to shut up about the award!

DICTIONARY UPDATE
Fans of my Facebook page have voted for The Macmillan Phrasal Verbs Dictionary as their prize. So, I will let Macmillan know and then they will send me that dictionary. When I have received it, I will organise some kind of competition so that YOU have a chance to win it from me.

VOCABULARY
Are you a learner of English? Do you like natural English vocabulary? Do you like games? Do you think the world would be a better place if we all stopped taking ourselves so seriously all the time? Well, here’s a great new game you can play to improve your English. It’s called VOCAB HUNTER (in 3D). It’s not actually in 3D but that sounds better than just VOCAB HUNTER! Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking – how do I play this fascinating game which is called VOCAB HUNTER (in 3D)? Well, simply look at the list of vocab + definitions below while you listen to this episode of Luke’s English Podcast. Whenever you hear a piece of vocab being used by Luke or his brother James, just SHOOT that item (mentally if you don’t have a laser gun or you don’t want to damage your computer) and move on to the next piece of vocab. That’s it. Could you be the best vocab hunter in the world? Can you identify and SHOOT (please don’t actually do any real shooting – just look at the vocab on the screen and say “OK” or “got it” or something) each piece of vocab as you see it? Are you ready to become the world’s greatest VOCAB HUNTER??? There’s only one way to find out, so listen to the conversation between Luke & James, and identify the vocab in this list: (please try to contain your excitement)

This list contains extracts from this podcast. I have typed these bits because I think they contain some phrases, expressions or words that I think you might not know. Use an online dictionary like the Macmillan Online Dictionary or The Cambridge Online Dictionary to get definitions.

James: You shouldn’t be so humble about these things
Luke: Sarcasm

Luke: I won a dictionary
James: We get that. Not that I’m putting that down, it’s a great achievement.

James: I think I’ve heard enough about the dictionary now. That’s all I’m saying. You might have milked that one a bit too much.
Luke: I might have over-egged the pudding

Luke: Which film did you see?
James: I saw ‘Young Adult’
Luke: ‘Young Adult’ – it sounds dodgy

James: Let’s talk about the news. That’s what I’m here for. To cast my expert eye over the week’s events across the media.
Luke: OK what have you come across? What news stories have you come across?

Luke: …the Olympic bid…

Luke: On one hand…  all the countries in the world take part and it’s an amazing celebration, but on the other hand London is such a crowded place that it could become an absolute nightmare.

James: Also, during what’s becoming a recession, isn’t it just a massive waste of money? When there’s people having their benefits taken away from them, councils have less and less money to spend on basic services, and the poor are getting poorer, the rich are getting richer, do you really need this pointless festival of sport?

Luke: Ooh let’s see who can run the fastest! In a way, that question is now redundant because we’ve got cars and bicycles.

James: If we had money coming out of our ears and we were very very rich and there was no problems with poverty in this country, which is never going to happen, but if we were living in a sort of utopia, then great, have a festival of sport, but otherwise I just think it’s a complete waste of money.

James: And also I thought the Olympics were supposed to be a very non-commercial event.

Luke: …they are promoting sport by making kids fat, allegedly.

Luke: …but it’s all revenue though isn’t it? It’s all revenue to the government.

James: There has been a lot of regeneration of East London because they want the area to look nice for international visitors, to show off to make London look nice. And in some ways that’s good, and they talk about the legacy, that’s kind of a catchphrase… …it’s not just about the event it’s about the legacy.

James: …a lone wolf terrorist…

James: Let’s move on to the next topic. We’ve cleared that one up.
Luke: We’ve done the Olympics.

James: The best one is when they get on the tube with a massive rucksack on and the tube doors close on their rucksack and they’re basically pinned to the door, trapped like a sort of scared animal and it’s very very funny. Tourists, keep doing that because it really brightens up my day.

Luke: I saw it the other day I saw a Japanese family dithering by the doors of a crowded underground train.

Luke: He was probably pleased because he probably thought “now I can go and get pissed” or something

Luke: Anyway let’s not be too down on the tourists because … we welcome tourists in London.

James: I found myself taking a photo of a van, just an ordinary van

The Queen’s Diamond Jubilee

James: I’d want to stay in bed. I wouldn’t relish that thought.

James: No wonder she’s such a heavy drinker. It’s a well known fact. She hits the sherry by about half eleven most days, by midday she’s onto her second or third. By ,idnight she is hammered.

James: Queen Victoria used to take it.
Luke: She had period pains and arthritis pains

James: I just made that up. I’m lying.

Luke: Mick Jagger is Sir Mick Jagger. He’s a Knight of the Realm.
James: What, for ‘services to paedophilia’?
Luke: Woa there! Where are all these allegations coming from?
James: Sorry I’m just a bit bored today. I’m just trying to liven it up.

The Queen’s Honours; e.g. OBE, CBE, Knighthood

James: cheering on a bunch of knuckleheaded…
Luke: …knuckleheaded sportsmen in armour

James: All you need to play American football is a bloody massive pitch, these weird upside-down goal things
Luke: You can play American football in a park
James: Yeah but not the full game. Not the full contact sport game, because you’d break your neck wouldn’t you. They need all that padding just in order to have a little kick around. You can play touch football I suppose but that’s not the actual game.

James: I used to get into them in the 80s. They used to show them on channel 4.

James: It’s just quite easy to take the mick out of really isn’t it.
Luke: We like making fun
James: Mocking people
Luke: Mocking Americans

James: It’s the screaming and the pointlessness of it all, and the crushing depression
Luke: You’re really negative today. You need to lighten up. Be more positive.

They start talking about the performance at superbowl this year with Madonna and MIA.

James: (About MIA) Her Dad used to be a Tamil Tiger.
Luke: She’s a musician from Sri Lanka

James: “and halfway through the performance she flipped the bird”

James: Not that shocking you might think but apparently people are upset about it… pre-watershed, Christians and that…

James: We’re being a bit mean
Luke: …a bit crazy today
James: a bit crass

James: Co)incidentally her new single’s out today… it’s a publicity stunt… we’re clever enough to say “we don’t care” “we don’t give a toss”.

James: it was okay. Out of ten I’d give it a five.
Luke: She sampled The Clash in that song. That’s the best bit of the song.
James: Mmm, they should have just not sampled the clash and just played The Clash.
Luke: I can play a bit of that song
James: Let’s not bother
Luke: If you’re listening, it’s called “Paper Planes” by MIA

Dickens’ 200th Anniversary

Luke: He was quite a good person
James: He was quite into social reform

James: People talk about things being ‘Dickensian’

Luke: The cliche that London is very old, dark, grey, foggy, smokey, and with lots of gap-toothed urchins, chimney sweeps, basically Charles Dickens…
James: Put that into the popular consciousness

The Oscars:
Luke: The ladies love George (Clooney). He’s often voted the sexiest man in the world, even though he is going grey, he’s got a few grey hairs going on but the ladies still seem to think he’s wonderful. My girlfriend for example, rather annoyingly, still loves George Clooney
James: Bit of jealousy there

Luke: Basically, The Oscars is Hollywood’s way of promoting its assets (itself).

“George Clooney always looks like he’s in an advert for George Clooney” Geoff Dyer in The Times

James: Oh that reminds me, have you seen the trailer for the new Tom Hanks film?

Luke: We don’t really like that kind of cheese in England
James: I hate that kind of really over the top, sentimentality

James: We like understatement. Not everyone, I can’t speak for the whole bloody country
Luke: We do like understatement though, and we prefer it when people aren’t so earnest like that, “well gee Dad I sure love you!”, instead in England it’s a bit like ” you know Dad, you’re alright”
James: Yeah; we’d prefer that. I’d well up at that

Luke: We tend to hide behind jokes. We’re diseased, we’ve got a disease, it’s called a sense of humour. We use it to cover up our awkwardness

James: It’s like Ricky Gervais (said), you’ve got to do a movie about the holocaust,
Luke: A movie about an idiot or a movie about the holocaust is the best way to win an oscar
James: Play a disabled or a jew
Luke: Woa there!!!
James: That’s his words, not mine

Women Drivers
Luke: Women just use a car to go from A to B… They don’t value driving as a way of proving themselves

Luke: The cliche is that women can’t park a car… Surveillance of car parks around Britain, CCTV surveillance around Britain in car parks has revealed that while women take longer than men to get their cars into small spaces, they do it more skillfully. They actually do it more successfully. So all these security cameras all over the country have…
James: Well, the ones that are left and haven’t been crashed into by women
Luke: Ha ha very funny. These security cameras have revealed that women may park more slowly but they do it more successfully.

The stupidest thief
James: There are some very deranged people out there, very disturbed people out there. You should probably say you read that from The Week didn’t you.

Cold weather
James: What disturbed me is, the night of the cold snap, I can’t remember what country it was, like 40 homeless people died, or more, like loads and loads of homeless people died. It’s just such a horrible thought that people haven’t got a home to go to and when it gets that cold you just die.
That’s all I have time to do at the moment. Listeners – if you have some time to kill then please transcribe the last 10mins of this episode and send it to me at luketeacher@hotmail.com
For now, it’s good night.

Now it’s time to say good night
Good night Sleep tight
Now the sun turns out his light
Good night Sleep tight
Dream sweet dreams for me
Dream sweet dreams for you.
Close your eyes and I’ll close mine
Good night Sleep tight
Now the moon begins to shine
Good night Sleep tight
Dream sweet dreams for me
Dream sweet dreams for you.
Close your eyes and I’ll close mine
Good night Sleep tight
Now the sun turns out his light
Good night Sleep tight
Dream sweet dreams for me
Dream sweet dreams for you.
Good night Good night Everybody
Everybody everywhere
Good night.

83. How to Swear in British English – VERY RUDE CONTENT (with James)

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Warning: Explicit Content. Do not listen to this if you are easily offended. This episode contains lots of very rude words and offensive content. You can read all the swear words, and watch some videos below.

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Introduction

This is an overview of all the swear words in British English. The aim of this episode is to explain how to swear. Please remember that swearing is very offensive and is almost always inappropriate. Please do not swear regularly! It doesn’t sound good.

In this episode I am joined by my brother James and we explain all the main swear words in English, their meaning, their use and how offensive they are. You can read the list of swear words below. Please remember that they are very rude indeed!

I do not intend to cause offence with this episode, just to educate people about language.

VOCABULARY

Here is a list of all the swear words. The * represents how rude or offensive the word is in my opinion.

*damn
*blast
*hell
*damn it
*damn it to hell
*damn you
*bloody hell
**bugger / bugger it / it’s buggered / you daft bugger
***piss / piss off / what a pisser / it’s pissing it down / I’m pissed off
***sod / sod it / you sod
***arse / you arsehole
***prick / you prick / you dick / you dickhead / you cock
***crap / that’s crap / that’s a load of crap / don’t talk crap
****bastard
*****bollocks / that’s a load of bollocks / never mind the bollocks / that’s the (dog’s) bollocks
***balls
*nuts
*****bitch
*****you bellend
*****wank / you wanker
***you tosser
******shit / to do, take, have a shit / that’s shit / that’s the shit / to have the shits / are you shitting me? / I shit you not / he’s a shit / this is good shit / shit head / shit face / shitty / bullshit / I’m shitting myself / I was shitting it / I don’t give a shit / shit – shat – shat / I was shit scared / I don’t give a shit / when the shit hits the fan / to be shitfaced
*******fuck / to fuck something / fuck off / fuck you / shut the fuck up / fucking hell / I’m fucked / that’s fucked up / what are you fucking doing in my bed? / what are you doing fucking in my bed? / what the fuck? / no fucking way! / what the fuck are you doing? / who the fuck is he? / un-fucking-believable / abso-fucking-lutely / you fuck / you fucker / for fuck’s sake / I don’t give a fuck
********mother-fucker
*********cunt / he’s such a cunt / I felt like an absolute cunt / you stupid cunt / you fucking cunt

All those words are offensive, but the following are the very taboo words which genuinely cause a lot of offence. They’re mainly used as racist abuse: nigger (often heard in hop-hop records as black American people sometimes use this word to refer to themselves) and paki – which was used as a term of racist abuse against people of asian origin living in the UK in the 70s and 80s. It’s associated with hate crimes and racism, so of course I think it’s a very offensive word.

So that’s it. It seems that swear words used to be religious in nature “damn”etc, then they became about sex or the body, “fuck” “shit” etc, but are they really that offensive? Not in comparison with words used in racial abuse. Perhaps it is the reasons for which words are used which are offensive, and not the words themselves. What is in a word? Offensive words can be powerful so think twice before using them.

VIDEOS

Here are some videos that feature lots examples of swearing.

George Carlin’s Classic Bit about Rude Language

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p25SdQEnhHI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Kf4kyQabwQ

82. Voting / Elections / Politics / Government

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In this episode I teach you lots of vocabulary for talking about voting, elections, government and politics. This episode contains some seriously useful and important terms about politics and the way the government runs here in the UK.

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The vocabulary I teach in this episode is listed below. Also you’ll find a transcript to the comedy sketch at the bottom. Enjoy!

VOCABULARY ABOUT VOTING, ELECTIONS, GOVERNMENT AND POLITICS
Listen to the episode to get definitions and explanations.
– a vote, to have a vote, to vote for someone
– an election / to elect someone as leader / a general election
– to cast a vote / to take a vote
– by show of hands
– a poll vote
– polling booth
– ballot
– ballot paper / ballot box
– polls(predictions)
– candidates
– campaign
– to form government
– a coalition government
– first past the post
– proportional representation
– parliament
– cabinet
– ministers
– ministries
– prime minister
– opposition
– shadow cabinet
– The Queen
– democratic elections
– corruption
– vote rigging
– miscounting
– “power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely”
– an uprising
– a revolution
– a riot
– looters / looting
– detention
– torture
– tourists
– terrorists

COMEDY SKETCH TRANSCRIPT

Monty Python – Election Night Special

From ‘Monty Python Live at the Theatre Royal Drury Lane’. Buy the CD here on Amazon.

About the Sketch:

This sketch not only was performed on their album ‘Monty Python live at the Theatre Royal Drury Lane’, it also appeared in the Flying Circus TV Show – Episode 19. It was also featured on their other album – ”Monty Python’s The Final Ripoff’. Please note that the actors that played the roles in the Album versions differs from the TV Series version. To avoid confusion instead of showing the characters names, I have shown the actors names.

The Transcript of the Sketch

(Music)

Cleese: (talking very fast, as do all the commentators): Hello, good evening and welcome to Election Night Special. There’s tremendous excitement here at the moment and we should be getting the first results through any moment now. We’re not sure where it will be from, it might be Leicester or from West Byfleet, the polling’s been quite heavy in both areas. Ah, I’m just getting… I’m just getting… a buzzing noise in my left ear. Urgh, argh! (removes insect and stamps on it). And now let’s go straight over to Leicester.

Palin: And it’s a straight fight here at Leicester and we’re expecting the result any moment now. There with the Returning Officer is Arthur Smith the sensible candidate and next to him is Jethro Q. Walrustitty the silly candidate with his agent and his silly wife.

Idle: (clears throat) Here is the result for Leicester. Arthur J. Smith…

Cleese: Sensible Party

Idle: …30,612. (applause) Jethro Q. Bunn Whackett Buzzard Stubble and Boot Walrustitty…

Cleese: Silly Party

Idle: …33,108. (applause)

Cleese: Well there we have the first result of the election and the Silly party has held Leicester. Norman.

Palin: Well pretty much as I predicted, except that the Silly party won. Er, I think this is largely due to the number of votes cast. Gerald.

Chapman: Well there’s a big swing here to the Silly Party, but how big a swing I’m not going to tell you.

Palin: I think one should point out that in this constituency since the last election a lot of very silly people have moved into new housing estates with the result that a lot of sensible voters have moved further down the road the other side of number er, 29.

Cleese: Well I can’t add anything to that. Colin?

Idle: Can I just say that this is the first time I’ve been on television?

Cleese: No I’m sorry, there isn’t time, we’re just going straight over to Luton.

Chapman: Well here at Luton it’s a three-cornered contest between, from left to right, Alan Jones (Sensible Party), Tarquin Fin-tim-lim-bim-lim-bin- bim-bin-bim bus stop F’tang F’tang Olé Biscuitbarrel (Silly Party), and Kevin Phillips Bong, who is running on the Slightly Silly ticket. And here’s the result.

Woman: Alan Jones…

Cleese: Sensible

Woman: …9,112. Kevin Phillips Bong…

Cleese: Slightly Silly

Woman: Nought. Tarquin Fin-tim-lin-bin-whin-bim-lim bus stop F’tang F’tang Olé Biscuitbarrel…

Cleese: Silly

Woman: 12,441. (applause)

Cleese: Well there you have it, the first result of the election as the Silly Party take Luton. Norman.

Palin: Well this is a very significant result. Luton, normally a very sensible constituency with a high proportion of people who aren’t a bit silly, has gone completely ga-ga.

Cleese: And we’ve just heard that James Gilbert has with him the winning Silly candidate at Luton.

Idle: Tarquin, are you pleased with this result?

Palin: Ho yus, me old beauty, I should say so. (Silly noises including a goat bleating).

Cleese: And do we have the swing at Luton?

Chapman: Er… no.

Cleese: (pause) Right, well I can’t add anything to that. Colin?

Idle: Can I just say that this is the second time I’ve been on television?

Cleese: No, I’m sorry there isn’t time, we’re just about to get another result.

Palin: And this one is from Harpenden Southeast. A very interesting constituency this: in addition to the official Silly candidate there is an unofficial Very Silly candidate, in the slab of concrete, and he could well split the silly vote here at Harpenden Southeast.

Jones: Mrs Elsie Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

Cleese: Silly

Jones: 26,317 (applause). Jeanette Walker…

Cleese: Sensible Jones: 26,318…

Cleese: Very close!

Jones: Malcolm Peter Brian Telescope Adrian Blackpool Rock Stoatgobbler John Raw Vegetable Brrroooo Norman Michael (rings bell) (blows whistle) Edward (sounds car horn) (does train impersonation) (sounds buzzer) Thomas Moo… (sings) “We’ll keep a welcome in the…” (fires gun) William (makes silly noise) “Raindrops keep falling on my” (weird noise) “Don’t sleep in the subway” (cuckoo cuckoo) Naaoooo… Smith.

Cleese: Very Silly

Jones: …two.

Cleese: Well there you have it, a Sensible gain at Harpenden with the Silly vote being split.

Palin: And we’ve just heard from Luton that Tony Stratton-Smith has with him there the unsuccessful Slightly Silly candidate, Kevin Phillips Bong.

Idle: Kevin Phillips Bong. You polled no votes at all. Not a sausage. Bugger all. Are you at all disappointed with this performance?

Neil Innes: Not at all. As I always say:
Climb every mountain
Ford every stream,
Follow every by-way,
Till you find your dream.
(Sings) A dream that will last
All the love you can give
Every day of your life
For as long as you live.
All together now!
Climb every mountain
Ford every stream…
Cleese: A very brave Kevin Phillips Bong there. Norman.

Palin: And I’ve just heard from Luton that my aunt is ill. Possibly gastro-enteritis, possibly just catarrh. Gerald.

Cleese: Right. Er, Colin?

Idle: Can I just say that I’ll never appear on television again?

Cleese: No I’m sorry, there isn’t time, we have to pick up a few results you may have missed. A little pink pussy-cat has taken Barrow-in-Furness — that’s a gain from the Liberals there. Rastus Odinga Odinga has taken Wolverhampton Southwest, that’s Enoch Powell’s old constituency — an important gain there for Darkie Power. Arthur Negus has held Bristols — that’s not a result, that’s just a piece of gossip. Sir Alec Douglas Home has taken Oldham for the Stone Dead party. A small piece of putty about that big, a cheese mechanic from Dunbar and two frogs — one called Kipper the other not — have all gone “Ni ni ni ni ni ni!” in Blackpool Central. And so it’s beginning to look like a Silly landslide, and with the prospect of five more years’ Silly government facing us we… Oh I don’t want to do this any more, I’m bored!

Palin: He’s right you know, it is a bloody waste of time.

Chapman: Absolute waste of time.

Palin: I wanted to be a gynaecologist…

81. What Makes a Great Teacher?

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This is a guest post written by Lori Hutchison from www.mastersinteaching.net. I’m sure you’ll agree it is a very interesting article. Thank you Lori! If you’re interested in training to become a teacher, please visit her page for more information (see link at the bottom of this document.) Expect an episode of Luke’s English Podcast on this topic in the near future.

Five Common Characteristics of Highly Effective Teachers
Throughout the years, there have been teachers who have made history for their unique teaching styles, their intelligence and their ability to change people’s perspectives on education. Famous teachers in history (like Confucius, Friedrich Froebel and Maya Angelou) may all come from different times and different parts of the world, but they all have some common characteristics.

These common characteristics are what make them such great teachers and guides. Although particular traits do not guarantee that someone will be a great teacher, they do provide a supporting foundation. Listed below are the five common characteristics of highly effective teachers:

1. A passionate approach: No matter what the technique or method, a teacher must fully believe in their teaching philosophy. If a teacher is only teaching by the book and not from the heart, it will be much more difficult to get through to students. Some subjects do not seem important or fun to learn, but good teachers know how to turn “boring” topics into extraordinary topics. They are always trying to spark interest in the minds of their students and create that “eureka!” moment.

2. A strong position on classroom organization and discipline: Any teacher increases their students’ chances for success when they manage their classroom in an organized manner. In addition, great teachers verbalize to their students exactly what they expect from them in terms of academics and behavior. Great teachers also have a well-defined position on classroom discipline and practice a firm yet gentle approach to student correction. They are also fair and treat all students equally.

3. Attentiveness: Great teachers know how to read their students’ body language. They recognize when a student is struggling with a particular subject or personal problem, and they always do what they can to help their students find solutions to their struggles. Great teachers truly care about their students’ success, and they know that the likelihood for success increases when the teacher pays great attention to the student’s progression.

4. The ability to empathize: In addition to constant attention to their students’ progression, great teachers also practice empathy. Because everyone struggles at some point, teachers need the ability to stop, listen and understand a student’s academic or personal roadblock. More important than understanding, though, great teachers know how to build up their students’ confidence and realize their potential. They also have the ability to recognize when a particular teaching method is not working for a student and can change the approach to fit the student’s particular learning needs.

5. Patience: When it comes to teaching and learning, great teachers have an unlimited capacity for perseverance and composure. They understand that every student learns at a different rate and through different means, and they are willing to work until all understand.

All of the above characteristics can be learned and practiced by every teacher interested in becoming better at their profession. However, one should not fret if they have a difficult time making these characteristics habit. Perhaps the most important feature of a great teacher is being an upstanding citizen and good role model for youth.

Lori Hutchison teaches high school English and owns the site Masters in Teaching. In her spare time, she enjoys writing guest blog posts about various topics of interest; especially teaching!

80. Essential Social English

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Some of the most important phrases, responses and common expressions used in English every day. These are sets of phrases that always go together. Some people call them adjacency pairs.

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Learn many of these vital expressions in this episode of Luke’s English Podcast, one of the fastest growing English language learning podcasts online.

Below you will see all the phrases which I teach in this episode. Thanks for listening. Please make a donation if you can.

Social English

1. Hello:
Alright?
-Alright
How’s it going?
-fine thanks
-not bad
-pretty good
-could be worse
What are you up to? / What have you been up to? / What’s new?
-nothing really
-not much
-this and that
-same as normal/usual
-the same old thing really
–how about you?
How’re things? / How’s things?
-fine thanks
How are you getting on?
-fine thanks

2. Invitations:
Are you up to anything later?
-not much, no
(Do you) want to come to a party?
I’m going to a party if you’d like to come
Do you fancy coming to a party later?
-sounds good
-yeah, sure
-why not
-yeah alright
-I can’t make it
-I’m doing something

3. Goodbye:
See you later
See you in a bit
See ya
Take care
-you too
Cheers
Bye
Catch up with you soon
Keep in touch
Say “hi” to John for me, will you?

4. Leaving:
I’m off
I’d better be off
I’ve got to go
I’m going to chip/trap/scoot
I’m going to make like a tree, and ‘leaf’/’leave’
I’m going to make like a banana, and ‘split’
Have a good evening
-you too
See you tomorrow
-see ya
Take care
-you too
Have a good weekend
-you too! bye!

5. Other things:
Sorry
-that’s alright
PLEASE
THANK YOU
-you’re welcome
-that’s okay
Could you open to the window for me please?
-sure
-yes
-certainly
You couldn’t open the window for me by any chance, could you?
-sure
-certainly
-yes
Have you got the time?
You don’t happen to have the time by any chance do you?
-yes, it’s 4.30
-yes, it’s just gone ten past
Would you like something to drink?
-yes please
-no thanks
-No, I’m fine thanks
-No, you’re alright
Can I help you (at all)?
-no I’m just looking thanks
Do you mind if I smoke?
-No, go ahead!
-Yes, I do mind actually. This is a no-smoking area.
Let’s get started shall we?
-yes, okay
-good idea
Can I just squeeze past?
exCUSE meE!
Cheers x3
Sorry I’m late
What?
Pardon?
What did you say?
Sorry, what was that?
Bless you
-thanks
Oh come ON!
I need the toilet
I think I’m going to throw up
Put the money in the bag!
Hands up
Follow that car
step on it!
Get down!
Get out of there!
It’s gonna blow!
It’s showtime!
We’ve got company!
I’ll be back
off you go
You’ve gotta be kidding me!
For Christ’s sake John!
Get out of here!
How YOU doin?
What’s the matter with you?
Gimme a break god damn it!

6. Good night:
Right, I’m off to bed
Right, I’m going to hit the sack
Good night
Sleep well
-you too
Sweet dreams
Mind the bed bugs don’t bite

Morning
Afternoon
Evening

That’s it. Now watch these funny videos of Hollywood cliches such as “IT’S SHOWTIME!” and “GET OUT OF THERE!”
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LUapZhcsdx8&w=560&h=315]
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_W_szJ6M-kM&w=560&h=315]
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdbYsoEasio&w=420&h=315]

79. Family Arguments and Debates (with The Thompsons)

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Listen to the family discussing issues, debating questions and doing speaking challenges in this episode.

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This episode is filled with useful vocabulary and expressions. Listen to hear people expressing their opinions, arguing and debating various important and entertaining issues. I also talk about New Year, Christmas and the view from my living room window.

Here is some of the language which you hear in this episode. Listen to hear me explaining some of it and giving examples.

Enjoy the episode and I hope you find it useful.

VOCABULARY AND EXPRESSIONS FROM THIS EPSIODE
Question 1: Which is better – British English or American English?
-it’s the correct form of English
-so all the Americans are getting it wrong?
-they can speak how they like, it doesn’t really bother me
-they can spell ‘colour’ however the hell they like, and they do goddammit
-since then we’ve changed
-why would they have changed?
-let Dad clear this up
-there’s a strong feeling that American English is sloppy
-I’m saying that there is a view, but it’s not logical
-it’s two cultures divided by a common language
-I reckon British people are just snobbish
-they corrupt it and bastardize it
-the only thing that bugs me is when Americans tell me that I’m doing it wrong
-they’re basically just in-bred redneck cowboys, that’s what you think
-there’s no such thing as a set language
-American culture has been built on enterprise, individuality
-and guns
-and go getting
-and go getting guns
-let’s go get some guns!
-the culture back home is precision precision precision
-do something pared down
-precisely, not vague

Question 2: Should you give money to homeless people?
-they’re probably on drugs
-what I prefer to do is give it to an organisation
-I’d rather give it to Shelter (a charity)
-I don’t have a definitive point of view
-who am I to deny this guy his can of beer if he’s down and out, if he wants to scav a quid off me and I’m feeling flush that day, why not?
-we all have this dilemma

Question 3: If a tree falls in the forest and there’s nobody there, does it make a noise?

Question 4: Why don’t the English learn another language? Why are we bad at learning languages?
-stop talking about the bloody empire
-let’s not get caught up in some sort of French grammatical debate

Question 5: Is it ever justifiable to commit an act of murder?
-manslaughter
-mitigating circumstances
-does that count as murder?
-to take someone’s life
-BIG ARGUMENT BETWEEN LUKE, JAMES AND DAD!!! -Are personal morality and the law the same thing?
-are you talking in terms of the burglar?
-it wasn’t a life or death situation – he went on a revenge mission
-battered him so that he was brain damaged

Question 6: Is the music of the 1960s better than the music of current times?
-no contest
-it’s personal opinion
-you can measure it by public opinion
-imagine a survey
-an imaginary survey is not evidence
-I don’t think it’s cut and dry
-there’s all sorts of music about now which would have blown people’s minds

Topics in the speaking game: shopping, The Royal Family, reading books, bird watching

That’s it for now!