Tag Archives: humour

179. The Ramblings of an Exhausted Teacher

Last night I couldn’t sleep, and so today my mind has turned into jelly. Let me tell you all about it.

Small Donate Button[DOWNLOAD]

In this episode I talk to you, in a rambling way, about diverse topics such as:

  • Dwayne’s English Podcast
  • Being kidnapped by aliens from Mars
  • Exam fatigue
  • Trouble sleeping last night
  • English at 7.30AM!
  • The rotten contents of my brain!
  • Selling Luke’s English Podcast
  • Saying “Hello” to you
  • Having a conversation with you
  • “The best laid plans of mice & men”
  • The university course I’ve been teaching
  • Sleep (high-energy bit)
  • What are you doing?
  • On a bus
  • Signalling to another person that you’re a LEPer (secret codes)
  • Giving a wink to a stranger
  • On a train
  • Trains and lifts in movies (Bruce Willis)
  • My brain is on its last legs
  • THANK YOU! (Transcripts, donations, reviews)
  • A special hello to the NSA secret agents
  • Hello to Yannick
  • Twitter – it’s what you make of it
  • Whatever
  • Normally on Luke’s English Podcast
  • BBC meeting: Prioritising Luke’s English Podcast
  • This really is the end
  • Be nice to each other
    ;)

Lovely to talk to you,
Goodnight

Luke

jellyPODPIC
Thanks for listening ;)

176. Grammar: Verb Tense Review

This episode is all about grammar, specifically verb tenses such as: present simple, present continuous, present perfect simple, present perfect continuous, past perfect, past perfect continuous and different future forms. Part of this episode is transcribed, and part of it is spontaneous.

Download Episode  Small Donate Button
I’m going to go through lots of verb tenses in English. I’ll demonstrate them first, and then go through them with you, explaining their form, use and pronunciation.

It’s been a while since I did an episode on grammar, and so I thought I’d give you a really thorough look at different verb tenses. It’s a bit ambitious to try and cover lots of tenses in one episode, but I’ll try and keep it brief and practical.

This could be a really useful episode, which you could listen to again and again, in order to get the full value.

I don’t normally do many episodes on grammar, because let’s be honest, it’s pretty boring. Unless you’re a grammar geek, it can be pretty mind numbing stuff. In one ear and out the other. The trouble is, that in explaining the basics of grammar you end up using all kinds of complex and abstract language, which makes the whole thing more complex than it really is. For example, if you can’t use the present simple tense correctly, then you’re hardly able to understand the rules that underpin that tense.

We don’t learn a language by learning the rules first and then applying them. Instead we learn by trying to communicate a message in that language. In doing that we learn the limitations and possibilities. But, it does help to get an insight into the structures at work because you can identify areas where you’re making mistakes, or particular tenses that you’re not using.

So listen carefully while I’m talking here and try to notice the different tenses. That’s your task. Notice the different tenses I use, as I’m using them. Like, oh that’s present perfect, or that’s a 1st conditional structure, or that’s the future perfect continuous passive there, I love that one. Etc.

Then I’ll go through it all and explain it at the end. You can read this on my website.

So, let’s start. Listen closely as I tell you a few things about myself. Notice the tenses, and I’ll explain them afterwards. Eventually, the plan is for you to perhaps practise this by talking about yourself in a similar way, using the tenses as I do. Then you’ll be speaking more like a native. Some of this is written down, and some of it is improvised.

OK, it’s grammar time!

Spot the Tenses
m5e8dHello. I’m Luke. I’m from London, but at the moment I’m living in Paris. I’ve been living here for just over a year. It’s great. I’m really enjoying it. You know that originally I’m from England. I was born in a town just outside London, and then I lived in West London for a long time. My Dad was promoted and got a job in the midlands, so we moved there, and stayed for many years. I went to university in Liverpool and lived there for 4 years, and then I moved back to Warwickshire. That’s when I decided to become an English teacher. I’d finished uni and I was working in a pub, not really going anywhere. As well as studying at university and college, I’d also been playing in lots of bands over the past few years, but it hadn’t really worked out, so I needed to think of something to do. I ended up deciding to become a TEFL teacher in 2001 and then I went to Japan and lived there for 2 years. That was an awesome time. had loads of really cool experiences and met loads of people, but I didn’t want to get stuck there, and I was keen to get back to my home country. I moved back to London and I worked there for a long time. It was while I was living in London that I came up with the idea to launch an amazing podcast for learners of English, that would save the world from the forces of evil. That’s when I created the now legendary Luke’s English Podcast, and a new cult of language learners was created. Who knows, maybe the LEPPERS will one day rise up and, just speak really fluently, and then give everyone free ice-cream sandwiches. It’s just a dream maybe, but who knows, it might just happen.

I moved to Paris in 2012. Living in Paris is pretty cool. It used to be quite difficult, because I couldn’t speak the language but I’m getting used to it now. When I first came here, I’d never visited Paris before, but my girlfriend had told me a lot about it, so I was kind of prepared. I’d also been to France quite a lot as a child on holiday. But when I first arrived it was quite hard because I didn’t speak much French. I took some French lessons at school when I was a kid but I don’t remember learning much. In fact most of the time those French lessons were a bit of a doss. So, when I first arrived I couldn’t really communicate, which was not very helpful. It was usually okay because I could get by, but I remember once I was walking down the street and this guy came up to me and started talking, but I couldn’t understand him, and he got angrier and angrier and started following me down the street. It was a bit scary and weird, and I wish I could have understood him and told him to piss off or whatever.

These days things are much easier, and Paris is an amazing place to live in. I’ve seen and done quite a lot of stuff here.

things I’ve done

– I’ve been up the Eiffel Tower. I’ve visited Notre Dame. I’ve been to Shakespeare and Company. I’ve tried lots of delicious French wine.

Things I’ve been doing

– I’ve been doing lots of comedy. I’ve been doing lots of gigs.

– I’ve been working at the university.

– I’ve been recording episodes of the podcast

-learning french

Today I’ve drunk a bit too much coffee so I’m pretty hyperactive. Normally I drink tea, but more recently I’ve been drinking coffee. I’ve had about 9,000 cups already today.

Work

– At the moment I’m working at the university

– I teach English, but I’m teaching at a university at the moment.

The future

– Hopefully it’ll last. Hopefully they’ll take me on again.

– I wonder what’s going to happen in the future.

going to / present continuous

– We’re going to visit New York next month

– I might do a special report from New York

– We’re going to stay in an AirBnB apartment that we’ve found

– We’re planning the trip at the moment.

– We’re flying there in the middle of April. It’s going to be good.

Will

– England will probably win.

– We probably won’t win. I imagine it will be someone like Spain or Brazil.

– It’s going to be a challenge.

– We probably won’t get to the final, but if we do it’ll be amazing.

5 years from now

– Who knows what I’ll be doing

– Hopefully I’ll still be recording episodes of LEP

– I might have had kids by then.

– I’ll probably have children. That’ll be…

– Hopefully, I will have done many more episodes of LEP and perhaps I will have expanded my work online in some way.

10 years from now

– If I’m still doing Luke’s English Podcast , I will have been doing LEP for 15 years.

– I will have been being listened to for 10 years (!!!)

The Tenses

Present simple
– I teach English, but I’m teaching at a university at the moment.

Present continuous
– I’m from London, but at the moment I’m living in Paris.
– At the moment I’m working at the university
– I teach English, but I’m teaching at a university at the moment.

Past simple
– (for) I lived in West London for a long time.
– (sequence of finished actions) My Dad was promoted and got a job in the midlands, so we moved there, and stayed for many years. I went to university in Liverpool and lived there for 4 years, and then I moved back to Warwickshire.

Past continuous
– I’d finished uni and I was working in a pub, not really going anywhere.
– It was while I was living in London that I came up with the idea to launch an amazing podcast for learners of English
– I was walking down the street and this guy came up to me and started talking, but I couldn’t understand him

Used to do vs. Get used to doing
– It used to be quite difficult, because I couldn’t speak the language but I’m getting used to it now.

Present perfect
– I’ve been up the Eiffel Tower. I’ve visited Notre Dame. I’ve been to Shakespeare and Company. I’ve tried lots of delicious French wine.
– Today I’ve drunk a bit too much coffee so I’m pretty hyperactive. Normally I drink tea, but more recently I’ve been drinking coffee. I’ve had about 9,000 cups already today.

Present perfect continuous
– I’ve been doing lots of comedy. I’ve been doing lots of gigs.
– I’ve been working at the university.
– I’ve been recording episodes of the podcast
– I’ve been living here for just over a year.

Past perfect
– That’s when I decided to become an English teacher. I’d finished uni and I was working in a pub, not really going anywhere.
– When I first came here, I’d never visited Paris before, but my girlfriend had told me a lot about it, so I was kind of prepared.

Past perfect continuous
As well as studying at university and college, I’d also been playing in lots of bands over the past few years, but it hadn’t really worked out, so I needed to think of something to do.

Modals to talk about the past
– I wish I could have understood him and told him to piss off or whatever

Going to / present continuous
– We’re going to visit New York next month
– I might do a special report from New York
– We’re going to stay in an AirBnB apartment that we’ve found
– We’re planning the trip at the moment.
– We’re flying there in the middle of April. It’s going to be good.

Future with will (not plans, but judgements, opinions, predictions)
– Who knows, maybe the LEPPERS will one day rise up.
– Hopefully it’ll last. Hopefully they’ll take me on again.
– England will probably win.
– We probably won’t win. I imagine it will be someone like Spain or Brazil.

1st Conditional
– We probably won’t get to the final, but if we do it’ll be amazing.

Future continuous
– Who knows what I’ll be doing
– Hopefully I’ll still be recording episodes of LEP

Future perfect
– Hopefully, I will have done many more episodes of LEP and perhaps I will have expanded my work online in some way.

Future perfect continuous (in a 1st Conditional structure, no less!)
– If I’m still doing Luke’s English Podcast , I will have been doing LEP for 15 years.

Future perfect continuous passive!
– I will have been being listened to for 10 years (!!!)

Modals for the future
– it might just happen.

Test Yourself

Complete the gaps in this text. Scroll up to see the answers.

Hello. I’m Luke. I’m from London, but at the moment I _______________________ (live) in Paris. I _______________________ (live) here for just over a year. It’s great. I’m really enjoying it. You know that originally I’m from England. I _______________________ (born) in a town just outside London, and then I _______________________ (live)  in West London for a long time. My Dad _______________________ (promote) and got a job in the midlands, so we _______________________ (move) there, and _______________________ (stay) for many years. I _______________________ (go) to university in Liverpool and _______________________ (live) there for 4 years, and then I _______________________ (move) back to Warwickshire. That’s when I _______________________ (decide) to become an English teacher. I _______________________ (finish) uni and I (work) in a pub, not really going anywhere. As well as studying at university and college, I _______________________ (also play) in lots of bands over the past few years, but it hadn’t really worked out, so I _______________________ (need) to think of something to do. I _______________________ (end up) deciding to become a TEFL teacher in 2001 and then I _______________________ (go) to Japan and _______________________ (live) there for 2 years. That was an awesome time. I _______________________ (have) loads of really cool experiences and _______________________ (meet) loads of people, but I _______________________ (not want) to get stuck there, and I was keen to get back to my home country. I _______________________ (move) back to London and I _______________________ (work) there for a long time. It was while I _______________________ (live) in London that I _______________________ (come up with) the idea to launch an amazing podcast for learners of English, that would save the world from the forces of evil. That’s when I _______________________ (create) the now legendary Luke’s English Podcast, and a new cult of language learners was created. Who knows, maybe the LEPSTERS _______________________ (rise up one day) and, just speak really fluently, and then give everyone free ice-cream sandwiches. It’s just a dream maybe, but who knows, it might just happen.

I moved to Paris in 2012. Living in Paris is pretty cool. It _______________________ (be) quite difficult, because I couldn’t speak the language but I _______________________ (get used to) it now. When I first came here, I _______________________ (never visit) Paris before, but my girlfriend _______________________ (tell) me a lot about it, so I was kind of prepared. I _______________________ (also go) to France quite a lot as a child on holiday. But when I first _______________________ (arrive) it was quite hard because I _______________________ (not speak) much French. I _______________________ (take) some French lessons at school when I was a kid but I don’t remember learning much. In fact most of the time those French lessons were a bit of a doss. So, when I first arrived I couldn’t really communicate, which was not very helpful. It was usually okay because I could get by, but I remember once I _______________________ (walk) down the street and this guy _______________________ (come) up to me and _______________________ (start) talking, but I couldn’t understand him, and he _______________________ (get) angrier and angrier and _______________________ (start) following me down the street. It was a bit scary and weird, and I wish I could have understood him and told him to piss off or whatever.

These days things are much easier, and Paris is an amazing place to live in. I _______________________ (see and do) quite a lot of stuff here. I _______________________(go )up the Eiffel Tower. I _______________________ (visit) Notre Dame. I _______________________(go) to Shakespeare and Company the bookshop. I _______________________ (try) lots of delicious French wine. It’s great.

Check the top of the page for the answers.

172. British Comedy: Peter Cook & Dudley Moore

Listen to two comedy sketches from the 1960s, learn some popular cultural history, pick up some vocabulary and hear some posh English accents.

Download Episode  Small Donate Button

I highly recommend that you purchase this BBC DVD of The Best of Peter Cook & Dudley Moore. It’s really funny!

Introduction (with transcript)

Hello everyone, welcome to the podcast.
In this episode we’re going to listen to a sketch from a comedy show called “Not only.. but also”, which was first broadcast on the BBC back in the sixties, when TV was in black and white and there were only 3 channels.

I’d love to tell you all about this show, and the people who made it. Peter Cook and Dudley Moore are basically the fathers of modern British TV comedy. I’d love to tell you all about how before Monty Python even existed, Peter Cook & Dudley Moore were doing surreal, satirical and anti-establishment comedy on BBC TV, and getting huge audience ratings, and inspiring generations of people. I’d also love to tell you more about the history of British comedy, because for some reason it’s very important to me. It’s one of my favourite subjects. It just feels significant, and I want to share it with you. Listening to these things is good for your English, but ultimately the reward is even greater than that – you can enjoy listening to something that’s a little bit special. But I also realise that you might not have the same level of slightly fanatical interest in the history of comedy, as I do. I could bang on about some comedians from the 1960s, but you might think “this is interesting Luke, but let’s just listen to some of their work shall we?” So, I’ve decided to just skip through all the stuff about the history of comedy and go straight to a couple of sketches, tell you about them, help you to understand them, and then later in this episode I’ll give you a little history lesson on Peter Cook and Dudley Moore, and their place in the history of pop culture, and then not only will you be able to enjoy their comedy, but you’ll learn more about British cultural history.

So, let’s focus on the sketch. I’m just going to explain the context for you and then you can listen to it, and see if you get what’s going on.

First sketch: Peter Cook & Dudley Moore “A bit of a chat” aka “The facts of life”
In this scene you’ll hear a father talking to his son about a slightly sensitive topic. The scene was written and filmed in the early sixties, probably 1964.

First, just listen (there is a script below, but try listening without it first)
Just listen to this and try and work out what is going on. Then I’ll explain things, and you can hear it again. There’s a script available for this sketch on my webpage.
As you listen you should try to work out what’s happening here. Why is this such a strange conversation? And why is the audience laughing? You might need to “read between the lines” which means look beyond what is just being said in order to discover the hidden meanings or suggestions at work.

How much of that did you understand? Did you get the humorous aspects of it? Let me explain the context, and the main points of the sketch.

*Sketch starts – “A Bit of a Chat”*
(See below for the script)

What happened?

Context
What do you know about Father/Son relationships in the UK in the 1950s & 60s?
They were more formal, especially among upper-class or upper-middle class families. Sons would call their father ‘sir’. They’d be very respectful, as if talking to someone of much higher status. They probably didn’t spend a lot of time together. These days, fathers and sons from normal middle-class families are quite close. They share quite a lot, and are able to talk quite openly about sensitive subjects like relationships or sex education. It might be embarrassing for the boy, but basically, the father feels quite comfortable doing it, and it’s normal and accepted. Back in the 50s or 60s, it wasn’t exactly the same. I suppose British men were less ‘in touch with their feelings’ and found it very awkward to discuss sensitive personal topics openly. Instead they may have dealt with them in the same formalised and distant way as they would talk about other topics. Also, we wonder how much most people really knew about sexual education in those days. Back in the 1950s or early 60s, before the era of sexual liberation, I think that a lot of people were completely in the dark about reproduction and all that kind of thing.
How about now? Are people more comfortable when talking about topics such as reproduction and sex?
Not completely, but certainly more so than 50 years ago.

The Class System & Boarding Schools
A little bit about the class system – particularly the upper class.
Nowardays, most people are middle class. In fact, many people believe that we don’t have a formalised class system these days. 50 years ago, the UK was more divided by class. Lower class (working class), middle class and upper class. Let’s look at traditional upper class culture. The upper class, or upper middle classes were considered to be:
Wealthy, educated, respectable and quite formal. Not liberated sexually, but bound by polite & formal social conventions. They would have been quite prudish about sex, finding it very embarrassing to talk about the subject. Many of the men would have been educated in exclusive, single sex boarding schools, which by all accounts would have been pretty cold, very formal and quite brutal. The boys never mixed with girls and grew up to be pretty clueless about sex. Kids and their parents didn’t spend a lot of time together, because of the boarding schools, and a father was more like a master than a friendly Dad.

Vocabulary
It seems that very posh people, from this period, often don’t really say exactly what they mean. They might make something sound more trivial than it actually is. For example “I had to give someone rather a ticking off” = means “I quite forcefully reprimanded someone for doing something wrong”
rugger – rugby
grubby – dirty / muddy
having a crafty smoke – secretly having a cigarette
give someone rather a ticking off – telling someone off
it’s a filthy habit – it’s a dirty habit
to cope with someone – to deal with someone
to get up to something – to do something (naughty)

Remember – it’s all about reading between the lines. What’s really going on? What really happened?

What does each line of dialogue really mean. E.g. the line about “there’s a cup of tea in here if you’d like one” means – come and sit down because I need to talk to you. The lad doesn’t want to, because, well, it’s probably awkward to talk to the old man, and this sounds like it could be serious.

Let’s listen to it again now, and consider each line, what is going on, and what is funny.

Second Listen

Questions
What does the Father want to talk about?
Why does the Father feel he has to talk about this?
What does the Father mean by “The opposite number?”
Why does the Father talk about sitting on a chair, etc?
Who is Uncle Bertie?
What is Uncle Bertie’s relationship with the boy’s mother?

A Bit Of A Chat (Script)
Roger, aged almost eighteen, arrives home from school, whistling: All Things Bright and Beautiful. His Father wants to have a bit of a chat with him about something. Just, a bit of a chat…
Father: Is that you, Roger?
Roger: Yes, father.
Father: There’s a cup of tea in here, boy, if you’d like one.
Roger: It’s very kind of you, sir, but I’ve just come in from rugger, and I’m a bit grubby. I think I ought to go and have a shower first, sir.
Father: Well pour me a cup, there’s a good chap, would you?
Roger: Certainly sir, yes, of course.
Father: Thank you. How was school today?
Roger: Oh, much as usual, thank you sir, but I caught someone having a crafty smoke behind the wooden building. I had to give him rather a ticking off — such a filthy habit, you know.
Father: It’s a filthy habit, Roger.
Roger: There we are, sir. Now, if you’ll excuse me.
Father: Roger.
Roger: Yes sir?
Father: Er — sit down. Roger, your mother and I were having a bit of a chat the other day, and she thought it might be a good idea if I was to have a bit of a chat with you.
Roger: Er… a bit of a chat, sir?
Father: A bit of a chat, yes, Roger, just…
Roger: Er…
Father: A bit of a chat.
Roger: What about, sir?
Father: Well, there’s nothing to be worried about, Roger, it’s just that, er, well, to be perfectly frank… how old are you?
Roger: Well, to be perfectly frank, sir, I’m coming up to eighteen.
Father: Coming up to eighteen…
Roger: Well, on the verge of…
Father: On the verge of eighteen… Yes, well, I thought it might be a good idea to have a bit of a chat now, because I remember, from my own experience, that it was when I was just, you know, coming up to eighteen…
Roger: On the verge…
Father: …on the verge of it, that I first began to take a serious interest in the – um – in the – er – opposite… the opposite… number. Now I don’t know, Roger, if you know anything about the method whereby you came to be brought about.
Roger: Well, sir, some of the boys at school say very filthy things about it, sir.
Father: This is what I was worried about, and this is why I thought I’d have a bit of a chat, and explain, absolutely frankly and openly, the method whereby you, and everybody in this world, came to be. Roger, in order for you to be brought about, it was necessary for your mother and I to do something. In particular, it was necessary for your mother… it was necessary for your mother – to sit on a chair. To sit on a chair which I had recently vacated, and which was still warm from my body. And then, something very mysterious, rather wonderful and beautiful happened. And sure enough, four years later you were born. There was nothing unhealthy about this, Roger, there’s nothing unnatural. It’s a beautiful thing in the right hands, and there’s no need to think less of your mother because of it. She had to do it – she did it – and here you are.
Roger: Well sir, it’s very kind of you to tell me. One thing, actually, slightly alarms me; um, I was sitting in this very chair yesterday sir, and I vacated it, and the cat sat on it while it was still warm. Should we have it destroyed?
Father: Its a lovely chair, Roger…
Roger: I mean the cat, sir.
Father: Destroy… oh, no Roger, you don’t understand. This thing of which I speak can only happen between two people who are married. And you’re not married.
Roger: Not yet, anyway sir.
Father: Not to the cat, in any case. Well, Roger, now that you have this knowledge about chairs and warmth, I hope – I hope you’ll use it wisely, and take no notice of your school friends, or what Uncle Bertie may say.
Roger: Dirty Uncle Bertie they call him.
Father: Dirty Uncle Bertie – and they’re right, Roger. Bertie’s a dirty, dirty man. He’s been living with us now for forty years, and it does seem a day too much… You know, if it hadn’t been for your mother, Roger, I don’t know where we would have been. She’s the only person who can really cope with Uncle Bertie, she’s the only one who can really deal with him. I don’t know if you realise this, Roger, but your mother even has to sleep in the same bed as Uncle Bertie, to prevent him getting up to anything in the night. If only there were more people like your mother, Roger.
Roger: Well, I’m very pleased that you’ve told me this, sir, because, as I say, I’m very glad I don’t have to believe all those filthy things that the boys at school say, and only yesterday, Uncle Bertie said to me…
Father: Take no notice of Uncle Bertie, Roger! He’s a sick, sick man, and we should feel sorry for him.
Roger: Well, I’ll try, sir… well.. thank you sir. Er – I wonder if I should take a cup of tea up to mother, while…
Father: I – er – I wouldn’t do that, Roger – she’s upstairs at the moment, coping with Uncle Bertie…
Roger: Poor Uncle Bertie…
Father: Poor Uncle Bertie…

And here’s the garden party sketch. It comes from another great BBC TV show called “The Fast Show”, which was Johnny Depp’s favourite British TV show.

The Psychiatrist Sketch (Script)

Braintree: Come in.
[Enter Roger.]
Hullo, Roger.
Roger: Hullo, Dr Braintree.
B: Hullo, come in.
R: I’m sorry I’m late.
B: That’s quite all right – how are you?
R: I’m very well, thank you.
B: Would you like to sit down, or would you prefer to lie.
R: Uhm, I’ll sit, thank you.
B: Right, well, sit down. Tell me, how are you in yourself?
R: I’m feeling just great.
B: Oh, this is terrific.
R: Yes, and it’s more than I expected from our sessions. You know, if anyone had told me that talking to psychiatrists could have help me at all, I would have laughed in their faces.
B: Yes.
R: But I can honestly say that our little chats together have really been of tremendous help to me.
B: I’m so glad, Roger: of course a lot of people are instinctively suspicious of psychiatry, but it can help at times.
R: Well, I really think it can, because you know, I’ve got so much self-confidence now. I’m much less self-conscious in the company of the opposite sex, whichI wasn’t, as you know.
B: Yes, yes, yes, yes. You’re less inhibited, are you?
R: [Suggestively] Oh yes, I should say so.
B: Good, this is terrific.
R: And the wonderful thing about it all is … well, I’m in love.
B: Well, this is wonderful news, Roger – you’re in love. – With a woman?
R: Yes.
B: So much the better – that’s terrific.
R: You know, it’s so wonderful to be in love – I can’t tell you the absolute joy I have. … this girl, this creature
[emotional]
, this goddess …
R: I mean, she’s
B: Yes …
R: She’s so, you know, it’s so right. Everything is so wonderful, you know.
B: Yes, yes – you really click together.
R: Yes. Oh, it’s so marvellous, but – the only trouble is that, apart from this wonderful light-hearted love I have, I seem to be saddled with this tremendous burning sense of guilt.
B: You have guilt as well as love: well, this is unfortunate, Roger. You know, sex is the most wonderful natural, healthy thing in the world. There’s no reason at all to have any guilt about it. I mean,why should you have guilt about sex?
R: Well, it’s not really as simple as that, you know – it’s rather difficult to explain. Uhm, I don’t reallyknow where to start. It’s rather difficult to explain. Uhm, I don’t really know where to start.
B: Well, begin at the beginning. That’s always the best place. What’s the girl’s name.
R: [Pause] Stephanie.
B: Stephanie. That’s a lovely name, isn’t it – well, my wife’s name in fact, isn’t it?
R: Yes, it’s Stephanie.
B: Yes, it’s Stephanie.
R: Yes, it’s Stephanie.
B: No, it’s Stephanie.
R: Yes, it’s Stephanie: it’s your wife.
B: Oh, you’re in love with my wife, Stephanie. Well, this is a perfectly understandable thing, Roger. She’s a very attractive woman – I married her myself. I don’t see why you should feel upset about that.
R: But she’s in love with me.
B: Well, this is again perfectly understandable, Roger. I mean, you’re a perfectly attractive human being, as I’ve told you over the last few weeks. There’s nothing repulsive about you, is there? There’s no reason why a highly sexed woman such as Stephanie shouldn’t fall in love with you. And I must explain to you, Roger, that I’m a very busy man: I have many, many patients to see – I see rather less of my wife perhaps than I should, and I think it’s very understandable she should seek some sort of companionship outside the marriage – I don’t think that’s unreasonable at all.
R: But she’s not seeking anything outside marriage – nor am I. We want to get married.
B: Well, this again is perfectly understandable. After all, you’re two young people in love and you want to express your feelings within the confines of a bourgeois society through marriage. I think it’s very appropriate.
R: The awful thing is, you see – I should feel so grateful to you for what you’ve done. And all I can feel is this burning jealousy – I can’t bear the thought of you touching her.
B: Well, of course, I understand this. One is tremendously possessive about someone one loves … it would be unhealthy not to have this jealous reaction, Roger.
R: But don’t you see – I hate you.
B: Of course you hate me, Roger.
R: I hate you for being so near her.
B: Yes, of course you hate me, Roger. You love to hate the one who loves the one you hate to love the one you hate. This is a very old rule, Roger – there’s nothing to feel ashamed about. It’s absolutely reasonable.
R: Don’t you understand – I want to kill you.
B: Of course you want to kill me. Because by killing me , Roger, you eradicate the one you hate. This is a perfectly natural reaction, Roger.
R: You’re so reasonable, aren’t you.
B: Yes, I am.
R: [Getting cross]
You understand it all so much …you are so logical.
[Gets up to strike him.]
B: Yes, I am – it’s my job.
R: I’m going to have to kill you
now
!
B: Ah – Roger – this is a little inconvenient, because I have another patient a six-thirty and then there’s someone else at seven after that. I wonder if you could make it some time next week.
[Standing over him.]
Could you make it early in the week, say?
R: [Pause – relax] When do you think?
B: How are you fixed on Wednesday morning? Say nine-thirty – would that be convenient?
R: Yes, that’s perfect.
B: Right, well, if you could pop along at nine-thirty and kill me then.
R: Once again, Doctor Braintree, I’m amazed, you know, really. I’m so grateful to you for showing me the way.
B: That’s what I’m here for, Roger.
R: Thank you very much. Thank you.
B: And with a bit of luck, this should be the last time you need to visit me

Comments
I think it’s pretty clear what’s funny about this. The psychiatrist has cured Roger and he feels so happy to be in love, but it turns out that Roger is in love with the Psychiatrist’s wife Stephanie. The psychiatrist doesn’t fly into a jealous rage – in fact he’s ridiculously logical and reasonable about it. This sketch allows us to imagine what the psychiatrist must be like at home – so reasonable all the time, he must be no fun at all. No passion, just plain dedication to his job; the rational understanding of psychology at the expense of natural human emotions and feelings, which is unnatural and ridiculous, as well as frustrating. It could be a wider statement about psychiatry, but let’s not analyse it too much. It’s just funny listening to the reactions, and the nicely written lines.

Vocabulary
There may be some words and expressions that you don’t know, or that could be useful to you. Let’s have a look:

terrific
our little chats together have really been of tremendous help to me
I’m much less self-conscious in the company of the opposite sex, which I wasn’t, as you know.
B: Yes, yes, yes, yes. You’re less inhibited, are you?
you really click together.
I seem to be saddled with this tremendous burning sense of guilt.
There’s nothing repulsive about you
There’s no reason why a highly-sexed woman such as Stephanie shouldn’t fall in love with you
You want to express your feelings within the confines of a bourgeois society through marriage.
I can’t bear the thought of you touching her.
Because by killing me , Roger, you eradicate the one you hate.
If you could pop along at nine-thirty and kill me then.

That’s it! Don’t forget to listen several times to get the full benefit!

Feel free to leave comments and questions below.

Thanks for listening,

Luke

171. A Cup of Tea with Daniel Burt (Part 2)

[2/2] Here’s the second part of my conversation with Daniel Burt, who is a journalist, comedy writer and performer from Melbourne, Australia.

Download Episode  Small Donate Button
In this conversation we talk about these things:
Daniel’s move to London
Aussie pubs in Paris and London
Cliches about Australian people
Australian pronunciation
Typical Australian English phrases
The Australian character and national identity
Australian politicians
The future of Australia & Australia’s image of itself
Sport & competition
Interviewing Benedict Cumberbatch (Sherlock), Martin Freeman (The Hobbit), Matt Smith & David Tennant (Doctor Who)

To contribute a few minutes of transcription for this episode, click here to work on the google document:

If you have any questions, feel free to leave a comment.

All the best,
Luke

Daniel’s Video Showreel
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9V3cKGvISU&w=500&h=281]

156. British Comedy: Ali G

Check it! This is the first in a series of episodes about British comedy. In this one we look at a character called Ali G. In the episode I’ll explain everything you need to know about him, then we’ll listen to an interview from his TV show and I will explain all the language and vocabulary that you hear. In the end, you’ll understand all of it, just like a native speaker innit.


Small Donate ButtonRight-click here to download this episode.
Aiiiight?! So, in this episode you’ll learn about lots of things, including some slang vocabulary, some pronunciation features of a London dialect, and some terms relating to education. You’ll also learn more about British pop culture.

Please be aware that there is some explicit content and rude language in this episode. The audio that you will hear contains some adult content including references to sex and drugs. If you’re easily offended then watch out! If you don’t mind, then great! Let’s have a good time learning some more British English, shall we? Yes Luke! Ok great…

NUFF RESPECT! Below you will find vocabulary definitions and other notes, and a youtube video for the interviews you hear in this episode of the podcast. I recommend that you watch the videos – it will help you to enjoy the comedy more. BOOYAAA!

Vocabulary Definitions and Notes
Here are some bits of language you’ll hear in this episode.
Ali G – Education. An interview with Sir Rhodes Boyson. Slang terms are written in italics.
Corporal punishment = this is a kind of physical punishment which used to be used in schools as a way of instilling discipline into childen
a cane / to cane someone / to get caned / to be caned = a cane is a long, thin stick which is used to hit a child as punishment. The word is also a verb (regular)
to get caned / to be caned = this is also a slang expression which means to get  stoned/high on cannabis/weed/marijuana
my main man = this is a slang expression to refer to someone you like or someone you respect a lot

wicked! = a slang term meaning “brilliant!”
respect = this is said just to show respect to someone – “respect man” “nice one”
you have to have a good cane = in its slang sense, this means you have to smoke a lot of weed
“they have more boning experience than anybody else”
boning = having sex
a boner = an erection
me feelin dat (I’m feeling that) = I understand that, I get that impression
for real = definitely
to deal in ounces, half ounces, quarter ounces, eighths of ounces = in the UK cannabis is usually sold by the ounce, quarter ounce etc
one ounce (1 oz = about 28 grammes)
he’s down for a 40 year stretch = he’s going to prison for 40 years / he’s facing a 40 year prison sentence
“boys would spend all their time chasing muff”
muff = a woman’s ‘private parts’, her genitals, her vagina
“I got an A+ in pounani”
pounani = the same as muff !
you know what I’m getting at = you know what I’m trying to say, you know what I’m suggesting

Video of Ali G interviewing Sir Rhodes Boyson
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OV1fq75aWtY&w=500&h=375]
Sacha Baron Cohen on Letterman
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GrBfaUDUlt4&w=500&h=375]
Sacha Baron Cohen won the outstanding achievement to comedy at the British Comedy Awards
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcjpP6dKuS0&w=500&h=281]
Fluency MC’s Present Perfect Rap (what do you think?)
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wDl3T339718&w=500&h=281]

10. Extra Podcast – Quick Hello 2

Just a quick “hello” from me and a chance to practise your listening skills with a funny comedy sketch. Full transcript available below.

Small Donate ButtonRight-click here to download this episode.

Full transcript to this episode
10 Extra Podcast – Quick Hello 2

You are listening to Luke’s English podcast. For more information visit teacherLuke.podomatic.com.

Hello, you are listening to Luke’s English podcast. This is not a full episode today.

This is just a quick message to say “hello” to everyone and to let you know that I am going on holiday for about five days. I am going to Spain, Alicante in the South of Spain to go rock climbing with some friends. So, I’ll be on holiday for a few days which means that I won’t be uploading another full podcast for about another week. I’ve got one prepared. It’s half finished but it’s not ready to be uploaded onto the internet, yet. So I’ll load that up when I get back from my holiday. It was my birthday yesterday and I had a little celebration down next to the river in a pub which is close to my house and some of my friends came and joined me and we had a few drinks and stuff and that was really great fun. I am on holiday from work for two weeks, now. So five or so of these days we’ll spend in Spain rock climbing. I’m looking forward to it very much. It’s gonna be great.
So this podcast is just a little extra message, just to kind of let you know that a new full podcast will be uploaded soon. So don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten about everyone and I haven’t forgotten to upload one. It’s just that I am busy having fun on holiday. Now I thought that just to give you something to listen to and to enjoy and to study while you wait for the next podcast, I would play you a little comedy clip. The comedy clip that I am gonna play you is by a comedy group from the UK called: Monty Python’s Flying Circus. – Now you might have heard of them. Let’s see – probably the most famous member of the group is John Cleese. And John Cleese is an actor who – he was in some James Bond movies as Q, the guy who gives James Bond all these machines and weapons and things and he is also in a very successful comedy called Fawlty Towers which is probably the most famous thing he’s ever done. But Monty Python’s Flying Circus was a group of comedians who came out of Oxford and Cambridge universities joined together to make one of the best and one of the most influential comedy programmes on television here in the UK. Everyone knows Monty Python and everyone loves them here and they are very, very popular. So I am going to play you a little comedy scene that they did. They performed it live at the Drury Lane theatre and I think 1974 – the title of this sketch is called The Four Yorkshire Men. Now a Yorkshire man is just a man who comes from Yorkshire.
Yorkshire is an area in the north of England, okay?
And basically the kind of comedy or the funny part of this sketch is….well, the fact that these four Yorkshire men basically are sitting together – if you can imagine – they are sitting together, drinking some very expensive wine because now, they are rich. They are old and rich, now. But they didn’t use to be rich. When they were children, and when they were growing up, they all had very, very difficult lives and they all were working-class-men who had to work very, very hard in a difficult life in order to get rich.
So, one of the things about this is that, when old men like that get together, they always talk about how hard their lives were in the past and how it’s really easy for young people, nowadays. And typically men like that will say things like, you know: The kids today don’t know they are born. Life is much easier for them than it was for us. They just don’t know, they are born. Or for example if they told a younger person how difficult their lives were, they might say things like: You tell the kids of today that and they won’t believe you, right? So it’s kind of typical things that old men say when they’re complaining about how their lives were very hard in the past and how young people’s lives now were easy in comparison.
And the conversation that they have is, they talk about how, when they were younger in their lives were so hard and they describe the difficult conditions that they had to live in when they were growing up.
But as they all talk about it, it becomes like a competition because they all have to describe a much harder life. So, if one says that he had to….for example, you know …when he drank tea..because they had no electricity he had to drink cold tea. And the other one would say: You were lucky, cold tea, you were lucky. We used to have to drink old water out of a rolled up newspaper.
So, they were kind of trying to explain they had much harder lives. And it is like a competition. Anyway, I think it’s very funny and you can listen to it here on the webpage. I’ll post a script of the sketch, so you can read that and understand it and hopefully enjoy it. And I will upload another podcast for you very soon and you can look forward to that.
So, thank you very much and I will speak to you again, soon.
Thank you!
Bye, bye, bye, bye!

Monty Python’s Flying Circus – The Four Yorkshiremen – Live at Drury Lane 1974 (buy the CD here)

FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
Aye, very passable, that, very passable bit of risotto.
SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:
Nothing like a good glass of Château de Chasselas, eh, Josiah?
THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
You’re right there, Obadiah.
FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
Who’d have thought thirty year ago we’d all be sittin’ here drinking Château de Chasselas, eh?
FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
In them days we was glad to have the price of a cup o’ tea.
SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:
A cup o’ cold tea.
FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
Without milk or sugar.
THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
Or tea.
FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
In a cracked cup, and all.
FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
Oh, we never had a cup. We used to have to drink out of a rolled up newspaper.
SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:
The best we could manage was to suck on a piece of damp cloth.
THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
But you know, we were happy in those days, though we were poor.
FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
Because we were poor. My old Dad used to say to me, “Money doesn’t buy you happiness, son”.
FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
Aye, he was right.
FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
Aye, he was.
FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
I was happier then and I had nothin’. We used to live in this tiny old house with great big holes in the roof.
SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:
House! You were lucky to live in a house! We used to live in one room, all twenty-six of us, no furniture, half the floor was missing, and we were all huddled together in one corner for fear of falling.
THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
Eh, you were lucky to have a room! We used to have to live in the corridor!
FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
Oh, we used to dream of livin’ in a corridor! Would have been a palace to us. We used to live in an old water tank on a rubbish tip. We got woke up every morning by having a load of rotting fish dumped all over us! House? Huh.
FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
Well, when I say ‘house’ it was only a hole in the ground covered by a sheet of tarpaulin, but it was a house to us.
SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:
We were evicted from our hole in the ground; we had to go and live in a lake.
THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
You were lucky to have a lake! There were a hundred and fifty of us living in a shoebox in the middle of road.
FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
Cardboard box?
THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
Aye.
FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
You were lucky. We lived for three months in a paper bag in a septic tank. We used to have to get up at six in the morning, clean the paper bag, eat a crust of stale bread, go to work down the mill, fourteen hours a day, week-in week-out, for sixpence a week, and when we got home our Dad would thrash us to sleep with his belt.
SECOND YORKSHIREMAN:
Luxury. We used to have to get out of the lake at six o’clock in the morning, clean the lake, eat a handful of hot gravel, work twenty hour day at mill for tuppence (two pence) a month, come home, and Dad would thrash us to sleep with a broken bottle, if we were lucky!
THIRD YORKSHIREMAN:
Well, of course, we had it tough. We used to have to get up out of shoebox at twelve o’clock at night and lick road clean with tongue. We had two bits of cold gravel, worked twenty-four hours a day at mill for sixpence every four years, and when we got home our Dad would slice us in two with bread knife.
FOURTH YORKSHIREMAN:
Right. I had to get up in the morning at ten o’clock at night half an hour before I went to bed, drink a cup of sulphuric acid, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad and our mother would kill us and dance about on our graves singing Hallelujah.
FIRST YORKSHIREMAN:
And you try and tell the young people of today that ….. they won’t believe you.
ALL:
They won’t!

Okay, I hope you understood that. I am sure that they will be things that you didn’t understand and in that case, you should go to the webpage. You can read a script of everything they are saying and if there are words that you don’t understand, you can check those words in the dictionary and that will help you. Another thing about that sketch is .because they are all Yorkshire men, they are speaking in a Yorkshire accent. So, you know all sorts of speaking are a bit like this.

In those days we were happy even though we were poor
So, that’s the sort of typical Yorkshire accent, I suppose.
If you are actually listening to this and you are from Yorkshire, I apologize if my Yorkshire accent wasn’t very good.
So, anyway, right! So, check the webpage. You can read this script there and it’ll help you to understand it. That’s the end of this short podcast and I will speak to you again soon.
Take care! Bye, bye, bye, bye