Author Archives: Luke Thompson

About Luke Thompson

I've been teaching English for over 20 years in London, Japan and France. I also do an award-winning podcast for learners of English called "Luke's English Podcast". In my free time I'm a stand-up comedian who regularly performs shows in English in Paris and sometimes London.

208. Travelling in Indonesia (Part 1)

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I just came back from a 2 week holiday in Indonesia. Let me tell you about it in this episode. Right-click to Download.

Introduction
Small Donate ButtonSome of what I’m going to say to you was written in a notepad while I was there, some of it was written when I got back, and some of it is just me explaining my experience from memory. I’m not teaching you specific language in this episode, but as ever you’ll find this to be full of descriptive vocabulary, and a variety of grammatical structures including some narrative verb tenses. Some of this is transcribed at teacherluke.co.uk, and some of it is unwritten. If you’d like to actively practise your listening skills, why not transcribe some of the unwritten sections. A google document for this episode is now open. Check the page for this episode (click here!) or check the Transcript Collaboration page to find that google doc. I know that I have some listeners in Indonesia, so I would like to say a special “hello” to you at this point. Thank you for hosting my girlfriend and me in your beautiful country. I understand that I only really scratched the surface of your culture in the 2 weeks that we were there, and we acted as rather typical tourists. I apologise in advance if I misunderstood anything about your country or your way of life in this episode, and I hope you realise that whatever I’m describing here is really just my subjective experience. I know you understand that this is just my attempt at describing what it’s like for a European to visit Indonesia for a couple of weeks. I’m not pretending to be an expert on the place, but rather to just describe my own experiences whether positive or in fact negative. I hope you enjoy hearing me describe my time spent in lovely country.

At this point I can’t say how long this episode will be, but I suspect that it will probably go on for quite a long time because I have lots of things to talk about and describe. It’ll probably be divided into several chapters, so this may be just part 1 of a two-part series, which I think you’ll agree is a perfectly good thing indeed. Have you been waiting for a new episode? Well, the wait is over. So sit back, brew a large pot of tea, smoke a cigar, pop open a bottle of wine or simply lie on your back, close your eyes and do whatever you have to do in order to get into the appropriate mood to fully appreciate this new episode of Luke’s English Podcast.

The Boat Story
(I’m reading this from my notebook – I’ll try to get it transcribed asap)

Back to the Beginning (Transcribed)
There’s a difference between “travelling” and “going on holiday”. “Going on holiday” usually means spending a relaxing time away from home, perhaps somewhere sunny, where you can lie on the beach, see the local culture a bit, eat some nice dinner, get a sun tan and generally take time away from work. “Travelling” on the other hand is slightly more adventurous. It’s not just about taking time off work. It’s also about having experiences, coming face to face with a totally different way of life, taking risks, moving around a lot, challenging your view of the world a bit, broadening your horizons, meeting people, investing in your future, seeing the world. When you go on holiday you take a suitcase. When you go travelling you take a big backpack. When you go on holiday you might do very little. When you go travelling you do all kinds of adventurous things, and fill your time with rich experiences.

When you go on holiday you might stay in a hotel, or in a rented house or apartment. When you go travelling you might stay in a guesthouse, a backpackers hotel or even a tent. You might not know where you’re going to stay from one day to the next. You might go for several days without having a shower. You might eat local food that you’ve never tried before. The aim is often to get yourself into slightly difficult situations on the road, as a way of coming into contact with a different culture and a different way of life, with a view to learning about yourself, building character and having experiences that you can look back on later in life. There are some risks involved in travelling, but there are rich rewards to it too.
I’ve done a bit of travelling in my time, as you know. I’ve lived abroad, but I’ve also travelled around countries like Vietnam, Cambodia, Laos and parts of India. My girlfriend hasn’t done as much as me. For example she’d never been to South East Asia before. She really wants to do more travelling before we eventually have kids and can’t go off on adventures any more. These days I’m slightly more interested in having holidays than travelling experiences. After all, living away from home every day in France can feel like a travelling experience, and I often fancy having some relaxing time in the sunshine, catching up on some book-reading, swimming in the sea, talking and enjoying dinners on restaurant patios. I must be getting old. However, I’m still up for travelling, especially since my girlfriend is so keen. It’s just that I know what it involves sometimes – that travelling so far and coming in direct contact with such different cultures can be eye-opening and wonderful but also confusing, risky and even a bit scary at times. Sure, you can go to countries where the economy is less developed, and you can benefit from a big difference in the exchange rate (your Euros become far more valuable when you travel to countries where the currency is not worth that much) but you also have to tolerate the different conditions, different standards of service and cleanliness, a more ‘flexible’ approach to timekeeping, a lack of European style ‘health and safety regulation’. But, these are the reasons for travelling – to get away from all the ordinary boring and safe aspects of life in Europe and experience something quite different, even challenging, and then learn from it all. I just hoped that my girlfriend knew what to expect. I mean, she has pretty high standards already in Europe, and might turn her nose up at a slightly dusty airbnb apartment in Berlin, or refuse to take a shower in a hotel in Rome until room service has cleaned it again. She can’t handle spicy food, always gets bitten by mosquitoes and can’t tolerate bad smells or noise in the atmosphere at night. I love this girl dearly, I really do. I’m going to marry, but she can be a little hard to please sometimes. I did wonder how she’d handle the trials and tribulations of travelling, which often involve staying in hillside backpacker hostels which advertise themselves as 3 star but by French standards are more like “no star”, eating mysterious local food off plastic tables at roadside barbecues, dealing with incessant hawkers and fake tour guides who constantly hassle you for money and business, trusting your faith to unlicensed taxi drivers who can’t speak English, the smoke and noise of a million scooters buzzing all around you all day and all night, the battle against mosquitoes involving spraying chemicals all over your body, sleeping under mosquito nets at night and taking anti-malaria pills which give you indigestion and weird dreams at night, and the fact that you can’t drink the local water and have to be constantly wondering if the salad on your plate or ice-cubes in your drink might contain some nastily little bacteria that will cause you to spend 24 hours of your hard-earned holiday in a toilet (if you’re lucky to have access to one).
“Don’t be negative!” She said to me again and again as I warned her of these things. She was right, I was being negative, but I felt I had to mentally prepare her for all these things, so that she wasn’t too shocked when it did happen. I had been shocked by travelling experiences before, and I just wanted to share my wisdom and make sure she was ready. I remember for example, on my first trip to India, arriving at the airport in Goa and being immediately set-upon by almost everyone – people following me and my cousin around, hassling us for taxi rides, to buy stuff, to just give them money. We hardly had a chance to get our bearings and it was as if the whole world had descended on us. Lots of people were hassling us, quite a lot of begging, and some little tricks by people as a way to get us to give them a bit of money. “Grift” we called it. Meaning that everyone you meet is ultimately on a mission to get their hands on some of your dirty western money. I know that’s a little cynical, and not everyone is like that in India of course, but in certain places – especially just outside the airport, it can be very intense and overwhelming. That’s how it feels anyway. Some of the grifters are really smart, and they will often make friends with you, even give you very good advice but then they will ultimately be selling some goods or service to you and you feel strongly obliged to give them money for things that you really don’t want, paying prices which you’re sure are too high, feeling guilty about not wanting to pay as you know full well that your money is worth so much more, feeling confused about the impact of your mere presence on the local culture – as if somehow by bringing your money, your spending power into this relatively poor place you are encouraging the locals to feed off tourism and take part in this seedy & desperate “hard sell” culture. It often happens too quickly for you to process – what should I pay, should I buy things at all, should I give my money away, should I refuse, should I be sympathetic, or am I just being a sucker? It can be quite overwhelming, and as I said, you can feel a bit mixed up and guilty. “I just came to see some of the beautiful countryside, glimpse the culture, experience something ‘real’, and have experiences” is what you think, but perhaps that’s a selfish attitude, and you must realise how your presence in these places affects the local people. Can we expect to travel from our wealthy cities and just enjoy all the benefits of these developing countries, without having the responsibility to look after the people who live there? Can we just come in, eat their food, see their ancient temples, enjoy their beaches and yet not acknowledge the impact that our presence has on their way of life?
Maybe I am just being negative, but these are some of the thoughts that run through my head when I’m travelling. It’s not only those things of course – I’m also fascinated, amused and impressed by the places I visit, but still, I do think about these things too.

Also, I’m sure the locals are usually quite happy to have us visit their countries. We bring in lots of tourist money, and give them a chance to meet people from different cultures too. Anyway, I’m just saying, it can be a bit complicated being a tourist, but perhaps that’s just because I’m a complicated tourist.

So my girlfriend assured me that she’d be fine with the conditions, and so we agreed, “Yeah, let’s go travelling this summer, even just for a couple of weeks! It’ll be awesome and we’ll have experiences that we’ll never forget! Let’s not just go to the mediterranean, we can do that when we’ve got kids. Let’s push the boat out and visit some stranger shores.” Suddenly I was really looking forward to another travelling experience again, but this time with my future wife along for the ride.
We settled on Indonesia after quite a lot of searching. We had considered Mexico, but decided we’d need more time, and we weren’t sure of the weather in some parts of the country in August (although I’m sure it’s great and we plan to visit soon – it has so much to offer), we considered Jordan but decided it would be just too damn hot, especially near the dead sea where it can reach temperatures of up to 50 degrees Celsius in August. In the end we went for Indonesia, but even then two weeks was clearly not enough. We booked our flights in and out of Jakarta, and then planned a basic itinerary.
What I’ve just read to you was written, partly when I was there on holiday, and partly just after coming back.

Indonesia Experiences (notes, but not a full script)
Now I’d like to just speak in an unscripted way about the experiences we had on our travelling holiday in Indonesia. Eventually, I will describe our experience of climbing mount Rinjani, followed by the boat journey which I described at the beginning of this episode.

Indonesia is an archipelago – over 13,000 islands. Some of the main islands being Java, Bali, Lombok, Sumatra and Komodo.
Positioned in South East Asia just below Malaysia, Thailand, Cambodia, Laos & Vietnam, to the east of the Indian Ocean and north of Australia. It’s really far away from northern Europe. It’s almost on the other side of the world!

The place is famous for a number of things, including its local culture of music, dance, puppetry and textiles. It has a mix of different religions, including Islam, Hinduism and Buddhism which all combine to enrich the culture. The climate in August is hot and sunny, slightly humid. There are some big, bustling cities full of markets, street side restaurants and cafes and religious sites. In the countryside there are plenty of volcanoes, many of them still active, and beaches with white sand and coral reefs. It’s also famous for the friendliness of its people.

It’s possible to spend lots of time there. We only had 2 weeks, which isn’t enough time to see everything and also relax. We tried to combine travelling & activity, with some downtime relaxing on the beach.

Bali is probably the most famous tourist destination, and every year thousands upon thousands of tourists visit the island, many of them from Australia. We decided to miss Bali, to avoid the tourists if possible. In the end we chose to spend some time on Java, visiting Yogyakarta city and its nearby temples of Borobudur and Prambanan. We also wanted to see several volcanoes on the island – Mount Bromo and Kawa Ijen, both of which are said to be incredible sights to behold, particularly at sunrise. In the end we didn’t see these places, just because of lack of time and in an effort to avoid spending too long in the back of a car, driving to each site. It’s a pity that we didn’t see them, but we thought we’d make up for it by spending 3 days climbing another famous volcano – Mt Rinjani on the island of Lombok. So, we flew to Lombok spending several days in a beachside area called Senggigi before doing the 3 day trek up Mount Rinjani. We planned to spend the last 3 days of our trip on a tiny island called Gili Air, just off the coast of Lombok. I’ll tell you more about it later.

Planning a travelling holiday is like ordering a pizza – keep it simple. I have a theory that you can spoil a pizza by adding too many toppings. Just keep it simple and put a maximum of 3 toppings on the pizza. It’s the same with this kind of travelling holiday – don’t try to pack in too many things. You’ll end up spending most of your time carrying a backpack around, stuck on a bus or in the back of a taxi. You can’t try to visit too many places. You’ve got to slow down and just try to do a few things.
Also, time moves pretty slowly in these places, and you can’t expect everything to happen in a punctual manner. All it takes is for one bus to break down on the road, or for one flight to be delayed, and you’ve lost a day. Stuff happens on the road, you can be sure of it. So don’t plan too much, you’ll just spend all your time moving from A to B. That’s why we tried to keep it simple and not do too much.

First Impressions / Differences
It immediately feels both relaxing and chaotic at the same time. It’s relaxing because people live at a slower pace.
People’s lives seem more simple (not necessarily worse).
People are friendly and smiling.
The locals seem curious, and perhaps judgemental – but ultimately they’re friendly and nice.
I wonder what they must think of us foreigners.
It’s cheaper.
SO many scooters!
It seems more basic, low tech. E.g. scaffolding made of bamboo.
The people are very musical. I was impressed by the traditional music, which seems to be a bit like electronic ambient dance music I used to listen to in the 1990s.
It’s made by great teams of musicians who play different parts on various percussion instruments, like xylophones, or bells, some of them very large which make deep bass sounds. We were struck by the musicality of the people. We saw lots of live music – either traditional or modern, and the locals just seem to be naturally musical, with music playing in the background in lots of situations. Sometimes we overheard traditional music being played live nearby somewhere – that deep bass sound booming through walls.
Islam is the primary religion. The call to prayer is a regular sound and happens during the day and first thing in the morning, often at 4.30AM.

End of Part 1. Click here for part 2.

207. Competition Inspiration

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This is another ‘quick’ podcast to let you know that I’m on holiday for a couple of weeks, and also to give you some inspiration for your entries my competition, called “Your English Podcast”.

[DOWNLOAD]
Small Donate Button1. I’m going on holiday so I will be away from teacherluke.co.uk for a while. This means I might not be able to respond to comments or messages, and there won’t be any uploads for a while. I think you have enough new material to keep you busy until I get back, right? I’ll be back in a couple of weeks.

2. Competition: I get the impression that a lot of people out there are scratching their heads, thinking “I’d like to take part in Luke’s competition, but what shall I talk about?”

All the details of the competition are in episode 200.

Here are some questions as inspiration for you. Send your audio responses to podcastcomp@gmail.com

(Remember – you don’t have to worry about doing any special sounds or music or anything – just record yourself talking. Also, it doesn’t have to be 5 minutes – you can do less if you want!)
1. Who are you? Tell us about yourself – where are you from? What do you do? What are you doing right now? What’s going on around you as you record your message?
2. How did you discover Luke’s English Podcast?
3. What do you like about LEP? Why do you listen to it?
4. What have you learned from LEP?
5. If you were Luke from LEP, what episode would you record?
6. How do you like to improve your English? Can you give us some tips?
7. What do you find most difficult about learning English?
8. When do you normally listen to LEP? Where do you listen?
9. What’s your favourite episode of LEP? Why do you like that one?
10. What’s your least favourite episode? WHY?
11. If you could ask Luke any question, what would it be?
12. If Luke could interview anyone on the podcast, who would you like him to interview, and why?
13. Think of an episode of the podcast – can you respond to it in some way?
14. Tell us about your country, or the place that you’re living in at the moment. What’s going on there? What do you think of it?
15. What’s the best film you’ve ever seen? Why do you like it so much?
16. What kind of music do you like? Do you have a favourite band or song? Tell us about it.
17. If you won £15 million on the lottery, what would you do with the money?
18. What’s your favourite food? Is it a healthy food? How often do you eat it?
19. If you could speak perfect English, what would you do?
20. If you could have any hairstyle what would you have? Would you have an afro?
21. Would you cut off one your toes for a million pounds? What would you be prepared to do for a million pounds?
22. Would you get a tattoo on your face for a million pounds?
23. Do you think computer games are cool or sad?
24. Have you ever lived in another country, away from your home? Where did you live? How was the experience for you?
25. Have you ever been to the UK? How was it? What were the good and bad things for you?
24. Are you a geek? Why?
25. Have you ever been in a dangerous situation? Tell us about it?
26. Have you ever done a bungee jump? Would you like to do one?
27. Have you ever seen a ghost?
28. How about a UFO, or just something really weird like that?
29. If you could play any musical instrument, which one would you play?
30. If you could be a famous person, who would you be?
31. If there was a movie made about your life, which actor would play you?
31. If you saw a mouse in your house, what would you do? Would you kill it or set it free?
32. Who’s the best?
33. Conspiracy theories?
34. If you could change one thing about the world, what would you change?
35. Do you believe in love at first sight?
36. Do you understand the British sense of humour?
37. What do you think of British weather? What’s the weather like in your country?
38. What do you think of the government in your country?
39. If Superman and Spiderman had a fight, who would win?
40. If Iron Man and Batman had a fight, who would win?
41. Who’s the best – men or women? Why?
42. Can you drive? Are you a good driver? Have you passed your driving test? How many times did you take the test? Is it a difficult test?
43. What is your favourite drink?
44. Are you a tea person or a coffee person?
45. What do you prefer – swimming in the sea or swimming in a swimming pool?
46. Do you like football? Why/why not? Who is your favourite team?
47. What is better – British English or American English?
48. Which culture is better – American culture or Chinese culture?
49. Do you think we should be spending money on space travel or not?
50. Have you got any children? Do you want to have children? How many children would you like to have?
51. Which special power would you prefer – being able to fly, or being able to read people’s minds?
52. Would you like to live forever?
53. If you could marry a celebrity, who would you marry?
54. Have you ever eaten fish and chips? What do you think of it?
55. If you found a bag with £200 in it, what would you do with it?
56. Which accent would you like to have? Scottish? Welsh? Cockney? The Queen’s English? American? Australian? or just your own?
58. Who would you prefer to meet – Sherlock Holmes or James Bond?
59. What is the best book you’ve ever read? Tell us about it.
60. If you could design your own house, what would it be like?

or , pick an episode of Luke’s English Podcast and give us your comments on it.

podcastcomp@gmail.com

Speak to you when I get back from my hols ;)

Lukeholiday

206. Summer in London (Part 2)

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Hi and welcome back to this special episode of LEP in which you join me on a walk through central London. [Download]

Small Donate ButtonLet’s re-cap on what happened in part 1. (ooh the excitement)
– I recorded this last week when I was on holiday staying at a friend’s flat in Stockwell
– I needed to go into town to visit the doctor’s for a couple of immunisation injections before going on holiday to Indonesia
– I decided to take a nice walking route to the doctors, from Victoria Underground Station, in front of Buckingham Palace, past some Royal Guards and a guy selling skunk, past some ducks, joggers & tourists, across the mall and up towards Picadilly Circus.
– We ended part one with me walking up Haymarket, towards Picadilly Circus in order to get some lunch & coffee in Soho before heading towards Wimpole Street near Oxford Circus for my jabs.
– As I said on the previous episode, London is a very noisy city so I really apologise for any background noise which makes it hard for you to hear what I’m saying. I hope you it doesn’t stop you from enjoying this trip through central London on a hot summer day.

In this episode I’ll take you through some touristy areas, some cool spots, and we’ll also investigate some of the more seedy parts of central London that you might not notice as a tourist.

Let’s go!

Music: “Day on the Town” by Madness. Click here to download it on iTunes.
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205. Summer in London (Part 1)

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Hello everyone! Welcome to another episode. This one was recorded last week when I was on holiday in London, and in this episode you can listen to me walking through central London and talking to you along the way. I really enjoyed recording this episode and I think you’re going to enjoy listening to it too because it’ll be like you’re actually there with me, strolling around some of my favourite parts of town, hearing all the sounds of London around you as we go. I think it’s going to be great, but before we start I’d just like to mention a couple of things as a preface to the episode. [Right-click here to download]

Small Donate ButtonLondon can be a noisy place and so, unfortunately, a lot of the recording I made on this day was not completely clear enough to broadcast because my voice got a bit drowned out by atmospheric noise. You might find that some of it is a little bit difficult to hear, and in fact I had to completely edit out large sections of the episode because the noise level was just too high. When I listened back to some of it, I was quite annoyed to discover that the sound of busses, cars, trains and wind made it quite difficult to hear my voice clearly. I’ve managed to edit out some of the bad bits, and explain the missing content by talking to you here in post-production, but some of the remaining parts might still be a little difficult to hear. If you do find some of this too noisy to listen to then I’m sorry and I understand, but I still hope it’s possible for you to follow almost all of what I’m saying.

I really wanted to upload this episode despite the noise. I think it will be quite an interesting one, as you can take a personal trip with me through some of my favourite parts of central London and I expect that most of you are probably not bothered by the noise and are happy to join my on a walk. I love London and I’m proud to present it to you, even in audio form, and I think this episode can give you quite a real feeling of actually being there with me. It would be a pity to waste the several hours of talking that I recorded just because some people would not tolerate the noise. So, I’ve decided to just upload it anyway, even if the audio quality is not perfect.

I know what most of you are thinking – it’s fine Luke, it doesn’t matter! Don’t worry about it! I appreciate that. But for those of you who are sensitive to a bit of background noise I just want to say – I know this episode is a bit noisy – but that’s just London for you! It’s a noisy place! I suggest you write a letter to London’s mayor Boris Johnson to complain!

“Dear Mr Johnson,

Recently while listening to an award-winning podcast by Luke Thompson (I’m sure you know it) I was saddened to discover that parts of the episode were inaudible due to frankly unacceptable levels of noise caused by London’s busses and traffic. So, I am writing this letter in order to complain about this matter, and suggest in the strongest possible terms that you do something about it! Maybe introduce a noise-tax, or simply ban busses and taxis from operating within central London. I appreciate that businesses and services need to operate with vehicles, but this simply cannot be allowed to interrupt our enjoyment of Luke’s English Podcast.

Yours sincerely,

L.E. Pepper
The Republic of Freedonia”

OK, I realise I’m going a bit too far, it’s not that big an issue really. In fact, you could say I’m “making a mountain out of a molehill” or “stretching it out of all proportion”. I’m “going overboard”… yes it’s all a bit “over the top” now isn’t it. Alright, that’s enough, I don’t want to “over egg the pudding” by talking about noise levels too much, so it’s time to get on with this episode, so join me now as we go back in time, all the way to last week, on a trip into central London…

Music: “London Town” by Light of the World – Download it from iTunes here.

First gap:
So, I left the flat in bright, warm sunshine and walked towards the tube station, crossing the street at a busy junction in Stockwell, near Brixton, just south of the river. Some people say it’s quite a rough area, I personally think it’s okay. In fact at that time of day there were a couple of homeless people around, an alcoholic-looking guy stumbled out of a betting shop, but generally the area’s okay. In fact, it’s got good transport connections to central London and the rent is not too high. So I crossed the street and walked to Stockwell Underground Station and I stopped to look at a mural on the wall of the station. It’s the picture of Jean Charles De Menezes, a Brazilian man who was tragically and wrongfully killed by police who thought he was a terrorist, back in 2005…

2nd gap:
I left Victoria Station and walked along Buckingham Palace road. Along that road there is a wall, and on the other side of the wall is the garden of Buckingham Palace. You can’t get in there, so you just have to wonder what it looks like. I imagine it’s a beautiful and well kept garden. There are parks in front of the palace – St James’s Park and Green Park and of course the public are allowed to go everywhere they want in those parks, and walk or like down on the grass. There’s a pond with ducks, swans, geese and even pelicans which are large birds that you normally find near the sea – they have huge beaks that can carry loads of fish. A while ago there was a video going around on YouTube of a pelican actually eating a pigeon in St James’ Park!

I walked along Buckingham Palace road next to the palace gardens, as I said, and that’s next to a busy main road, and the noise was a bit too much. I talked about what it must be like being the Queen (I expect it’s a lot of hard work actually, it might be a bit lonely although she lives in luxury, she might be very strict on her children & grandchildren, and very controlling), which I have talked about on the podcast before. I wonder about her sense of humour, and what she’s really like.

I also spoke about the Queen’s power, how our democratic monarchy works and the difference between having a president and a monarch. Unfortunately, a lot of this was drowned out by the sound of traffic, so I’ll try and sum up what I said.

People sometimes wonder about why we have a Queen & a royal family in the UK, and also suggest that it might be better to have a republic instead. It might look like an old feudal system – a kind of medieval system in which the Queen has a covenant with god. What is this game of Thrones? But if you disregard the craziness of monarchy, you can just see it for what it is. It’s a slightly strange system, which works pretty well for the UK.

Without wishing to criticise republicanism (it works fine in plenty of other countries), in the UK democratic monarchy seems to work for us quite well. In a republic, such as USA or France, the president has an executive and representative function. He leads the country and also represents the country in state ceremonies, and as the figurehead of the nation. It’s an incredibly important role. That can lead to some issues. People want to look up to the president, and celebrate him/her as he/she represents their nation, and yet the president also has a responsibility to run the country, and answer to the wishes of his citizens. People shouldn’t be too deferential to the president because ultimately he’s a civil servant who works for the people. Sure, we can respect the president if he does a good job, but often people want a figurehead who is above the political system. In the UK the responsibilities are split between the monarch and the PM. The PM runs the country, and the Queen just ‘represents’. They do have tea once a week, so she has an audience with the PM, she does have minimal powers which she doesn’t use. So Brits can celebrate the Queen as head of state, knowing that she doesn’t have any decision making power and that she doesn’t express a political preference, and then we’re free to criticise our Prime Minister without having to be overly deferential towards him. His job is to run the country. We shouldn’t lift him up to the position of someone super special. He works for us. The Queen’s job is to give us a focal point for national pride without letting political views get in the way. So, that’s how we can celebrate the Queen without it affecting the way our country is run. Hopefully. It’s a very complex issue with all kinds of opinions regarding the pros and cons of having a royal family. I’ve dealt with it before on the podcast, in episode 103. “The Queen & The Royal Family” (featuring EnglishRobot4000).

204. Quick Hello: Competition Update & More News + Video

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This is just a quick “hello” and a chance for me to give you some information and make a couple of announcements. [Download]

Small Donate Button
Yes, my definition of ‘quick’ = over 20 minutes! ;)

Main Points
1. Please do enter my competition. I haven’t had as many entries as I expected. Only a few have come in – 7 to be exact, which is quite a surprise. Overall, my podcast was downloaded 12,000 times in the last 24 hours and the 200th episode has had almost 9,000 listens since I published it. Only a minuscule percentage of those who listened to the episode have actually entered the competition so far.
I expect that a lot of people are waiting until later in the month before sending me their entries, and that’s fine.
Encourage people to enter.

2. I’m uploading a lot of episodes at the moment, but things are going to quieten down as I’m going on holiday, and then I’ll be busy with 2 jobs (and more). So, I’m just uploading a lot now and you’ll be able to catch up with all these episodes in the quieter period which comes up in Autumn.

3. A Phrasal Verb a Day has a new location, and it hasn’t stopped. Click “A Phrasal Verb a Day” in the menu above to find out all the details.

4. Do visit teacherluke.co.uk (you’re already here!) – there’s lots of extra content there, including recent interviews I did on All Ears English and Zdenek’s English Podcast. There are also a couple of easter eggs on the site which not many people have found yet.

5. I hope Luke’s English Podcast is still one of your favourite podcasts and that you manage to keep up with all the episodes that I upload.

6. If you’re new to the podcast then I suggest that you investigate some of the older episodes. There’s some good stuff in there. From my stats I see that 29. Mystery Story/Narrative Tenses is one of the most popular episodes with new listeners. I listened back to it again recently and I am quite proud of that one! It ticks a lot of boxes – useful grammar, a (hopefully) entertaining little story, some sound effects. Lots of people find that one when searching on google and that’s their introduction to LEP. I wonder which episode you first discovered and how you discovered it?

7. Transcript Collaboration. More and more episodes are being transcribed all the time. It takes me quite a long time to proofread them and then add them to the website, but many episodes are now completed and are there for you to read. Visit the collaboration page. Episodes 1-30 are very well transcribed now, by a listener with very good English. It’s 99% perfect. Have a look. If you fancy transcribing some, you can just do 5 mins if you like – it’s good for your listening skills.

8. Don’t forget to visit the discussion forum and leave some comments there. People are talking about topics like their favourite songs in English, and sharing Skype details so they can practise their English by talking to each other.

That’s all I have to say. I just hope that LEP is all that you want it to be, that it helps you with your English and that you find it pleasant and enjoyable to listen to. Do tell your friends, do listen all the way to the end of each episode, do listen several times, do leave your comments on the website – it’s what I need to keep me going.
Thanks for listening. :)

Luke
p.s. As an ‘easter egg’ (admittedly quite an easy one to find) here is a video of me recording this episode. Watch until the end for a bonus ‘magic trick’ (oh wow, it’s so exciting).

p.s. I know the sound quality in the video is not as good as the sound quality in the audio episode. My video camera was recording sound from the small microphone attached to my t-shirt and unfortunately the level was set too high, but there’s nothing I can do about it now. Next time I’ll get it right!
The audio version of this episode was recorded through the microphone I was holding in my hand. That was attached to my Zoom H4N, which is becoming my favourite device for recording podcast episodes.

203. A Cup of Tea with Peter Sidell (The Flatmate from Japan)

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English teacher, travel writer, stand-up comic, learner of Japanese, DJ, native English speaker, Machester City fan and former flatmate of Luke from Luke’s English Podcast – Peter Sidell is a guy who keeps himself busy!

[DOWNLOAD AUDIO]
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I lived with Peter in Tsujidou, Japan for nearly a year. I left at the end of 2003 and he stayed there and I hadn’t seen him for about 11 years until he recently visited Paris and we got the chance to catch up with each other again. Of course I jumped at the chance to interview Peter for LEP, and you can now listen to our conversation here, now.

www.japantravel.com
Peter is a regular contributor to www.japantravel.com where you can read articles and travel advice for Japan. Are you thinking of going to Japan, or would you like to read some interesting articles about Japan in English? Just click www.japantravel.com to find out more. To see a list of articles written by Peter, click here.

During our chat you’ll hear us talking about such things as:
– Peter’s tourist activities in Paris (visiting galleries and looking at ‘crazy modern art’, drinking wine at lunchtime, attempting to deal with waiters)
– The day we first met each other in a McDonalds in 2003
– Living as an ex-pat in Japan
– Where Peter is from, and his accent
– Learning Japanese
– Cultural differences between the UK and Japan
– How it feels to go back to England after living in Japan for years
– Japantravel.com
– Destinations Peter has travelled to
– Doing stand-up in Japan
– How it feels to experience earthquakes in Japan
– The beauty of Mt Fuji seen from Hayama beach
– Luis Suarez

Thanks for listening :)10589716_10152725560062494_74912480_n
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202. British Comedy: Monty Python & The Holy Grail

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[The Constitutional Peasants Scene] Here’s another episode about Monty Python’s Flying Circus, and in this one we’re going to be covering some very interesting topics, such as medieval history, old myths legends & folklore, the British monarchy, marxism and radical politics. In terms of language we’re going to look at some old fashioned formal poetic language, some political vocabulary and also some intonation and sentence stress, and we’ll be doing all of that while understanding and hopefully enjoying a funny scene from a classic British comedy film. So, you really are getting everything in this episode (well, maybe not everything but you know what I mean). A lot of this is transcribed at teacherluke.co.uk. If you find this episode on the website you’ll also see a video, a script for that video and more information. So let’s get started. Right-click here to download this episode.

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Last time I did an episode about Monty Python we had a look at a sketch from the TV show. There are many more sketches which I hope to come back to in the future, but in this episode I’m going to focus on a scene from their first feature film, which is called “Monty Python & The Holy Grail”.

As a reminder: Do consider purchasing MP DVDs, CDs, audio & video downloads and even tickets to see live a live broadcast of their stage show. Details here: http://www.montypythonlive.com

Please remember – this is not a blog post, but an audio podcast episode. To get the full explanations and detail of this episode, you should listen to the whole podcast episode!

Monty Python & The Holy Grail
When was it made, who directed it, and all that stuff?
In 1975. It was written by all the Monty Python team but was directed by Terry Gilliam and Terry Jones. The two Terries were quite controlling & ambitious and decided they wanted to be in charge of the film, and in fact, during the production I think they agreed that the film could be directed by anyone called ‘Terry’, as an effort to keep control of the film.

What’s it about?
It’s about King Arthur’s search for the Holy Grail. It’s set in the 10th century – the middle ages, or ‘dark ages’, a time of mystery and legend! King Arthur is a legendary King of Britain. The legend of Arthur dates back to the 5th & 6th centuries and the story of Arthur has been told many times since. Historians disagree about whether Arthur really existed or not. In the stories, Arthur is said to be the magical leader who defended Britain against real and supernatural enemies. He carried a magical sword called Excalibur, which was given to him by a mysterious spirit known as The Lady of the Lake. The Lady of the Lake is an important figure in the Arthurian legend – she’s a kind of magical woman who got her powers from the wizard Merlin. She’s a bit like Galadriel in the Lord of the Rings stories. In Arthur’s story, This lady emerges from a lake, holding Excalibur and then presents it to Arthur, and in so doing chooses him as the rightful leader of the Britons. It’s hardly a democratic way to choose the executive commander of Britain, but that’s how things were done back in the 5th century!

The Grail in this story is another aspect of Arthurian legend. Apparently, this grail once carried the blood of Jesus, and was sent by Joseph to Britain where it would be protected. Perhaps this is true, perhaps this is just a myth, but the grail is still a potent symbol in British folklore, either as a connection to Jesus, or as a magical cup which can give magical powers to whoever drinks from it (it’s the same cup in the Indiana Jones movie “Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade”)

What happens in the film?
Arthur is sent on a mission by God to find the Holy Grail.
He travels around Britain, visiting castles and collecting a group of knights to help him on his quest.
It’s just an excuse to visit lots of old castles and film a bunch of medieval themed sketches.
Most of it was filmed in Scotland, and the scenery is absolutely beautiful.
It was filmed on a budget of just $400,000, which is tiny in comparison to today’s standards. The Hangover 3, for example, had a budget of $103 million!
The film was financed partly by rock stars Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin and Elton John.
It’s now considered one of the funniest British comedy films of all time, and in 2005 it was used by Eric Idle as the basis for the Monty Python musical “Spamalot” which you can see in theatres in London and around the world.
There are a few classic sketches in the film, and I’d like to play one of them for you.

“Constitutional Peasants” – King Arthur Has an Argument with Some Left-Wing Peasants
Arthur is travelling the land, trying to recruit knights to join him on his quest. He visits lots of castles. In this scene, he is approaching a castle, and meets some peasants working on the land. The peasants appear to just be collecting mud & filth from the floor in a field. They’re disgusting & dirty, and yet surprisingly articulate in the language of politics (which is part of the joke). King Arthur decides to ask them for information about the owner of the castle. The peasants don’t give him any useful information. Instead he gets into an argument with one of the peasants about the constitution, monarchy, democratic government and the oppression of the masses in an absolute monarchy.

Constitutional Peasants – Video (you’ll find a script below)

What’s So Funny About This?
One of the funny things about this scene is the anachronism (I mean, the fact that different time periods are mixed up). The king is from the medieval period, but the peasants are basically modern working class people. So it mixes up people from different time periods. The scene also mixes two different speech registers and two different political ideologies as the characters represent different political systems, and we see them argue. It’s unexpected because peasants in the middle ages were unaware of Marxist ideology, and certainly wouldn’t have been intelligent or educated enough to criticise the system in such an articulate way. Arthur speaks in a poetic & medieval way, and represents the system of absolute monarchy which was in place at the time. The peasant speaks like a modern left-wing radical using ideas founded by Karl Marx in the 19th century.

It’s also a joke about conventions of movies or stories set in medieval times in which peasants are always presented as old, dirty and inarticulate servants of the king. When these peasants speak like Marxists from the modern era, it’s quite a surprising & amusing shock.

I realise that now I’ve explained this scene, you probably won’t find it that funny, because explaining humour takes all the immediate fun out of it, but so be it. If you get the humour, good for you! The main thing is: We’re learning English aren’t we, so let’s focus on understanding the scene before trying to see the funny side. This scene is very rich in vocabulary, in either a poetic medieval register, or the language of left-wing politics. Listen to it once to see if you understand it all, and then I’ll explain it all to you afterwards. If you find any of it funny, then that’s a bonus as far as I’m concerned. :)

Vocabulary & Explanations
So, in a nutshell, King Arthur wants to know who lives in the castle, and he asks a couple of peasants, but they don’t help him. Instead he gets involved in an irritating argument about the exploitation of the working classes in this medieval monarchy.

Concepts
There are a few concepts which we need to study in order to fully appreciate this scene. Let’s look at some of those concepts before listening to the scene again. These concepts relate to different constitutional frameworks – I mean, different ways in which a country can be run. We’re talking about political systems like ‘absolute monarchy’, ‘democracy’, ‘Marxism’ and ‘anarchism’.

Absolute Monarchy – in this case a king (monarch) is not elected, but gets their supreme power by divine provenance. This means that the monarch has a special agreement with god. God has chosen the monarch to be the leader of these people. Usually, this is tied to old mythical stories which involve some supernatural intervention in which the king is chosen by god. In the case of King Arthur this was when he was given a holy sword (Excalibur) by a magical & mythical woman called The Lady of the Lake. The story goes that this lady is a kind of supernatural & mythical spirit who holds magical and religious authority. In the story she walks out of a lake and presents Arthur with his magical sword, which signifies that he is the divine ruler of Britain. Most monarchies justify their existence by suggesting they have some kind of special connection to god. In this sketch, Arthur believes he is the rightful ruler of the Britons because of his divine right given by god.

Democracy – in this case, the people give executive power (decision making power) to a representative by voting for him/her. The people give this leader a ‘mandate’ – which means a responsibility to run the country. It’s the government by the people, of the people and for the people. Churchill said that democracy is not perfect, but it’s better than the alternatives. In the UK today we have a democratic monarchy, which is basically a democracy (we vote for MPs in elections) but with a monarch as head of state with almost no executive power. The Queen has very minor powers, and she doesn’t exercise them. It’s like there is an understanding between parliament and the monarchy that the monarch just lets parliament run the country. The monarch doesn’t interfere. That’s the way our country works. Some people are concerned that Prince Charles might decide to exercise his power if/when he becomes king, which could cause a constitutional crisis, but that’s another story for another time.

Marxism – this isn’t really a constitutional system, but an political ideology, or a way of understanding the way in which most industrial/post-industrial capitalist systems work. Karl Marx was a German born philosopher, economist, sociologist and historian who basically stated that the ruling classes manage to maintain control of the system by owning the means of production, and that the working classes are therefore dominated and repressed. The only way in which true equality can exist is if the people own their own land, their own factories and the means of producing goods. His ideas formed the basis of many left-wing political models including communism, and also form the basis of many criticisms of the capitalist system in general. In the UK, we sometimes associate Marxist ideologies with certain types of people. Although their views may be valid, I think most ordinary people find Marxists to be a bit extreme and even boring – banging on about politics and the class system all the time, while not necessarily doing anything about it.

Anarchism – this is the idea that there should be no leaders at all, and in fact no formalised system of government or state at all. Instead, local communities should be run by free and open groups with no leader. The idea is, that formalised governments, or power structures are essentially corrupting – that when power is given to one or several representatives, elected or not, that this ultimately will corrupt them and that this leads to inequality. So, anarchists argue that there should be no system at all, and that people should be free to govern themselves in a completely open way – without adopting any kind of political ideology or dogma. For me, in principle this sounds great, but on a practical level it sounds chaotic, confusing and impractical. Ultimately, it would be great to remove the corrupting power of government, but are we ready for it? We’d need an intelligent and activated population. Education is key. The problem, to an extent, is that many people don’t really care about these issues and instead just find political discussion boring, therefore making it very hard for true anarchy to take effect. A bit like Marxism, many people find anarchists to be either boring, confusing or somehow threatening to normal life.

Vocabulary
OK, so we’ve looked at some ideological concepts at the heart of this sketch, but we’re not finished because there’s plenty of language to deal with too. It’s complex isn’t it!? You see – British comedy is intelligent and deep, particularly Monty Python. It’s not just weird.

Here’s some vocabulary that you should know in order to understand this sketch further. Remember that Arthur speaks in old fashioned language, and Dennis the peasant speaks like a modern man with radical political opinions. Listen to the episode to hear all the bold words defined.

What knight lives in that castle over there?
– a knight is (in the Middle Ages) a man who served his sovereign or lord as a mounted soldier in armour. In this context it means a leader.
you automatically treat me like an inferior

exploiting the workers!
– exploiting means to benefit unfairly from the work of (someone), typically by overworking or underpaying them: “women are exploited in the workplace”.

hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society
-dogma = a principle or set of principles laid down by an authority as incontrovertibly true: the dogmas of faith | [ mass noun ] : “the rejection of political dogma”.

Dennis, there’s some lovely filth down here.

I didn’t know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous collective.
– autonomous = • having the freedom to act independently: “school governors are legally autonomous”.

You’re fooling yourself. We’re living in a dictatorship: a self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes–
– an autocracy = a system of government by one person with absolute power.

Oh, there you go bringing class into it again.

Please! Please, good people. I am in haste. Who lives in that castle?

Dennis: I told you. We’re an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week,…
Arthur: Yes.
Dennis: …but all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting…
Arthur: Yes, I see.
Dennis: …by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs,…
Arthur: Be quiet!
Dennis: …but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more major–
– ratify = sign or give formal consent to (a treaty, contract, or agreement), making it officially valid. “both countries were due to ratify the treaty by the end of the year”.
– a simple majority = this candidate receives more votes than anyone else (but it doesn’t have to be more than 50% of all votes cast) e.g. if Obama, Bush & Clinton are in an election and Clinton gets 40% and Obama & Bush get 30% each, Clinton gets a simple majority. She just gets more votes than the others.
– a two-thirds majority = at least 66% of all the votes
– an absolute majority = at least 51% of all votes

Woman: Well, how did you become King, then?
Arthur: The Lady of the Lake,… [angels sing] …her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. [singing stops] That is why I am your king!
– samite = a rich silk fabric interwoven with gold and silver threads, used for dressmaking and decoration in the Middle Ages.

Dennis: Listen. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

I mean, if I went round saying I was an emperor just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they’d put me away!

Dennis: Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help! Help! I’m being repressed!
Arthur: Bloody peasant!
Dennis: Oh, what a give-away. Did you hear that? Did you hear that, eh? That’s what I’m on about. Did you see him repressing me? You saw it, didn’t you?

What I love about this is that it’s a well written script, with different types of English and it manages to mock both the idea of a medieval monarchy, and also the irritating verbosity of political radicals. Monty Python are making fun of history & taking the piss out of everyone, while at the same time celebrating the language. Complex language, delivered at speed by colourful characters is at the heart of the humour in this sketch.

Intonation & Sentence Stress
I really enjoy the performances in this scene – particularly Michael Palin who plays Dennis the peasant. The lines are delivered with quite exaggerated and characterful intonation and sentence stress. To highlight this, I’m going to read the script of this scene, just to make it a bit clearer. You could listen to the original version again in order to, hopefully, appreciate it a bit more.

Constitutional Peasants – Script
Arthur: Old woman!
Dennis: Man!
Arthur: Man. Sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there?
Dennis: I’m thirty-seven.
Arthur: I– what?
Dennis: I’m thirty-seven. I’m not old.
Arthur: Well, I can’t just call you ‘Man’.
Dennis: Well, you could say ‘Dennis’.
Arthur: Well, I didn’t know you were called ‘Dennis’.
Dennis: Well, you didn’t bother to find out, did you?
Arthur: I did say ‘sorry’ about the ‘old woman’, but from the behind you looked–
Dennis: What I object to is that you automatically treat me like an inferior!
Arthur: Well, I am King!
Dennis: Oh, King, eh, very nice. And how do you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers! By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society. If there’s ever going to be any progress with the–
Woman: Dennis, there’s some lovely filth down here. Oh! How d’you do?
Arthur: How do you do, good lady? I am Arthur, King of the Britons. Whose castle is that?
Woman: King of the who?
Arthur: The Britons.
Woman: Who are the Britons?
Arthur: Well, we all are. We are all Britons, and I am your king.
Woman: I didn’t know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous collective.
Dennis: You’re fooling yourself. We’re living in a dictatorship: a self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes–
Woman: Oh, there you go bringing class into it again.
Dennis: That’s what it’s all about. If only people were aware of–
Arthur: Please! Please, good people. I am in haste. Who lives in that castle?
Woman: No one lives there.
Arthur: Then who is your lord?
Woman: We don’t have a lord.
Arthur: What?
Dennis: I told you. We’re an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week,…
Arthur: Yes.
Dennis: …but all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting…
Arthur: Yes, I see.
Dennis: …by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs,…
Arthur: Be quiet!
Dennis: …but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more major–
Arthur: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!
Woman: Order, eh? Who does he think he is? Heh.
Arthur: I am your king!
Woman: Well, I didn’t vote for you.
Arthur: You don’t vote for kings.
Woman: Well, how did you become King, then?
Arthur: The Lady of the Lake,… [angels sing] …her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. [singing stops] That is why I am your king!
Dennis: Listen. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
Arthur: Be quiet!
Dennis: Well, but you can’t expect to wield supreme executive power just ’cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!
Arthur: Shut up!
Dennis: I mean, if I went round saying I was an emperor just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they’d put me away!
Arthur: Shut up, will you? Shut up!
Dennis: Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system.
Arthur: Shut up!
Dennis: Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help! Help! I’m being repressed!
Arthur: Bloody peasant!
Dennis: Oh, what a give-away. Did you hear that? Did you hear that, eh? That’s what I’m on about. Did you see him repressing me? You saw it, didn’t you?

My Interview on Zdeněk’s English Podcast

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Recently I was interviewed by Zdeněk Lukas on his podcast. Zdeněk is a big fan of LEP and so he treated me rather like a celebrity, which was both flattering and fun! We met while I was in London recently and spent a couple of hours in St James’s Park discussing podcasting, English teaching, the TV show “Mind Your Language” and all kinds of other things. I thought you might like to listen to the interview, so here it is (below). There are 2nd and 3rd parts to this interview and I will put them on this page when Zdeněk has published them.
Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

In part 4 Zdenek responds to some comments he’s had about these three episodes, and then does some language analysis of our interview. Right-click here to download. He’s still beating himself up a little bit, but he is willing to dissect his own English (and mine) for your benefit.

Zdeněk is an MA-qualified English teacher from the Czech Republic. He has been podcasting for about 2 years now (or possibly more) and about a year and a half ago he discovered Luke’s English Podcast and became a big fan. In fact, it inspired the tone of his own English-teaching podcast, called Zdeněk’s English Podcast. Zdeněk has published lots of episodes in the last year or two, and while it is clearly quite inspired by LEP (he says so himself) I believe he is becoming more and more original all the time. On his podcast he teaches plenty of vocabulary and likes interviewing native speakers as a way of sampling authentic English. He also interviews learners of English, focusing on insights into their learning experience, often giving language feedback and correction of any errors that might crop up during the conversations.

You can check out ZEP by clicking the links below, and I hope you support Zdeněk in his mission to publish interesting podcasts for learners all over the world while also pushing his own English to new heights.
Zdeněk’s English Podcast on Audioboo.fm
Zdeněk’s English Podcast in iTunes
Zdeněk’s English Podcast (friendly) Facebook group

201. Nikolay Kulikov: A Russian Comedian in London

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Nikolay Kulikov is an award-winning Russian screenwriter and stand-up comedian. This year he spent a couple of months living in London (and also briefly in Dublin) performing stand-up comedy. I saw one of his performances in English on video and thought he was very funny! So, I decided to contact him for an interview to find out more about him, his experiences learning English, his views on performing to British & Irish people, and how he feels about life in Russia these days. I hope you enjoy the episode! **Please be aware that this episode features some rude language and swearing** Right-click here to download.

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Here is an email I sent to Nikolay, inviting him to be on the podcast, and his reply:

Dear Nikolay,

My name is Luke Thompson and I am an English teacher and stand-up comedian. I do a podcast called Luke’s English Podcast. It has listeners all around the world, and many of them are from Russia. Recently one of my Russian listeners sent me a message with a video of you performing stand-up in Ireland. I thought it was really funny. You’ve got great jokes and a lot of talent.

I was wondering if I could interview you by Skype some time and feature the interview on the podcast. Essentially, I’m interested in your story. How did you learn English? What made you start doing stand-up? Where have you performed around the world? How is your comedy received in Russia, particularly some of the slightly controversial things you say about the place?

I think you’d be a great guest and my listeners would enjoy hearing from you. You will also be heard by thousands of people around the world so it would work as publicity for you too. Let me know if you’re interested in being interviewed over Skype some time, perhaps next week.

I’m looking forward to hearing from you.

All the best,

Luke Thompson

Nikolay’s Reply:

Hi Luke!
It was a pleasure to receive such a wonderful letter.
Yes, let’s do this! I’ve got a lot to talk about and it can be real fun.
Next week is excellent.

ninja_tune_largeThanks to Anna Khazan and Natalia Dalik for bringing Nikolay to my attention and helping me to contact him. You’re my LEP Ninjas!

Nikolay’s Stand-Up in English in Ireland

Find Nikolay on Twitter, YouTube and VK Nikolay Kulikov
https://twitter.com/KolyaKulikov
http://www.youtube.com/user/krakvasha
http://vk.com/nobrainkolya

The Spoon Thing from The Matrix – “There Is No Spoon”
You might have heard Nikolay and me talking about a spoon in this episode, and wondered what we were talking about. You might have thought, “There is no spoon” – what do they mean? If you found that to be a little bit mysterious, let me explain it to you!

It’s from a scene in the movie The Matrix (1999).

I don’t know if you’ve seen the film, but the basic premise is that the human race has been enslaved by machines. The machines have connected everyone to a computer programme which replicates the real world. It’s an incredibly convincing simulation of real life. It’s so convincing that most people don’t realise that it’s just a dream, and that in reality they are slaves to machines. Some people have “woken up” and realised that the reality in which they are living is just a dream. Those people form a rebellion in order to fight against the machines. They are able to move in and out of the matrix whenever they want. One of the key members of the rebellion is a guy called Neo (Keanu Reeves). Some of the others believe he is the chosen one who will allow the humans to defeat the machines, but in order to do so he first has to learn to understand the nature of the matrix (in fact just a computer programme) and then to control it from within. In the first film we follow Neo as he learns about the matrix and begins to understand how to control it. One of the concepts at the heart of this film is that reality is just what we perceive – that there is no ‘reality’ there is just the way we perceive the world through our senses, and if you learn to control your senses, you can then control reality. The things we see are just our imagination. We’re living in a dream, and it may be possible for us to become lucid within the dream, and therefore control everything that happens all around us. It’s deep, man. There’s also some wicked kung fu.

So, the spoon thing.
There is a key scene in the film in which Neo learns about how to control the matrix. He encounters a boy who has learned to bend spoons using only the power of his mind. The boy holds up a spoon, and it bends. Neo is amazed and asks the boy how he does it. The boy says “You have to realise that there is no spoon. There is only you.” What he means is – you have to realise that the world you see is just created by your senses (which are being controlled by the matrix programme), so in order to bend the spoon you have to remember that the spoon does not exist, and that it is just the product of your senses. If you can control yourself, then you can control the world around you. Neo picks up the spoon and for a moment he manages to make it bend. This is an important moment for Neo, and after this he learns how to control the matrix, and then fight back against the machines which are enslaving the human race. You can see the scene below (YouTube video).

Some people think the film is a profound meditation about the nature of reality. Other people just think it’s an awesome kung-fu movie. For me, it’s a bit of both – philosophy and kung-fu. It’s a good combination!

200. New Competition: “Your English Podcast”

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Details of a new competition for you to enter, how it feels to complete 200 episodes of the podcast, jingles, a message from Alex & Paul, and more! Right click here to download.

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Introduction
Hello! And welcome to the podcast. This is a very special episode, because it’s the 200th one! Wow, I made it to 200! Amazing! Obviously I’m delighted about that. This is the 200th anniversary of LEP, and before I tell you all about how that feels, I’d like to begin this episode by telling you about a new competition I’m launching today, which I’d love you to take part in. So first I’m going to tell you all about the competition, and then I’ll celebrate 200 episodes of LEP with you. OK, so let’s get started.

This is the 200th episode of Luke’s ENGLISH Podcast and to celebrate this momentous occasion I’ve decided to launch another LEP competition in which you can send me your audio recordings. I did a similar competition over 2 years ago, and now I’m doing another one. This one’s called “Your English Podcast”. Why? Because I’d like you to imagine you are recording 5 minutes of your own English podcast. Just record and send your 5 minutes (or less) to me, I’ll play your recordings on the podcast and then listeners can vote for their favourite. I will count all the votes and announce the winner. The prize for the winner is to be interviewed on an episode of Luke’s English Podcast.

Doesn’t that sound exciting? It should do!

I did my first competition 2 years ago and it was amazing to hear the voices of my listeners. Camila Andrade from Brazil won that one. She got a very special prize – a phrasal verb dictionary.
Since then, the podcast has gone from strength to strength and I’ve picked up new listeners, old listeners have improved their English, I’ve dealt with many more topics and events on the podcast. It’s time for us to hear what the LEPPERS have to say for themselves. This is your chance to have your voice heard on Luke’s English Podcast. And ultimately, if you win, you could become famous around the world as you are interviewed on the podcast via Skype. If you’re shy, I understand – I’m nice, I’ll make sure you’re okay, and so will the listeners – because the great thing about the LEP community is that my listeners are good people. I can’t wait to hear from you, and to give you a platform to say what you’ve got to say to the world.

The Competition in a nutshell
Record yourself talking about whatever you want for 5 minutes, send the recording to me, I’ll feature all your recordings on special episodes of the podcast, listeners can vote for their favourite and the one with the most votes gets featured on an episode of the podcast in a Skype call with me.
BUT there are some rules to make sure this competition is fair and is not impossible for me to manage in my limited time!
Please carefully observe the following rules. If you don’t follow the rules, you might be disqualified from the competition. It’s important to establish some rules because otherwise this competition could be really difficult for me to manage. So, rules are rules, and here are those rules:

Rules for the Competition
– Opening date: NOW! The competition is now open so get started!

– Closing date for entries: 31 August 2014. After that I will collect all your audio recordings and take time to prepare episodes in which I showcase your competition entries. People can then vote by leaving comments on teacherluke.co.uk. I’ll give you more information about voting later on.

– Time: You’ve got 5 minutes, maximum. You can talk for less than 5 minutes if you like, but please make sure you don’t exceed the 5 minute limit.

– What to say: You can say whatever you want! This is 5 minutes of YOUR podcast. If you like, you can imagine you have your own English podcast, called “Jose’s English Podcast” or whatever your name happens to be. If you like, you can welcome listeners to your podcast at the start by saying “Hello and welcome to Jose’s English Podcast”, and say goodbye to your listeners at the end. It’s completely up to you what you say, and how you say it. This is your English podcast.

– Name & Country: Remember to tell us your name and where you come from. This will help people to remember you and vote for you.

– Voting: I will collect all the audio files which are sent to me, and I’ll play them all in one episode (or more) of LEP, in alphabetical order by name. Listeners can then vote by leaving comments.

– Audio files: Send your audio file to podcastcomp@gmail.com only. I will only accept entries which are sent to that email address. Please do not send me competition entries on Facebook or to my Hotmail account. podcastcomp@gmail.com is the only email address I will accept.

– I’m only accepting audio files – not text entries this time.

– I’ll give you more information about voting later. For now, you can start preparing your competition entries!

So in summary:
– The competition is now open. Send your audio files (max 5 minutes) to podcastcomp@gmail.com. The closing date is 31 August 2014. After that I will upload showcase episodes of LEP and you can vote for your favourite entry. More information will follow in later episodes…

Some Bits of Advice
When recording your entry, try to make the sound quality as good as possible. Most phones and computers will allow you to record your voice pretty easily, but try to be in a quiet room in your house, away from noisy windows, washing machines or other people.

You can send me audio in a variety of file formats: wav, mp3, mp4, avi etc. I prefer mp3 as it is quicker to process.

If you want you can include a jingle, sound effects or even background music, but you’ll find this is pretty time-consuming and complicated. Ultimately, people just want to hear your voice clearly, so focus on that.

It’s normal to be a bit stressed or nervous when recording yourself. Don’t let that stop you. Try to enjoy it! Enthusiasm is a very attractive quality. LEPers are all lovely people so don’t worry – you’re among friends and I’m sure people are going to be very welcoming and enthusiastic about hearing what you have to say.

Try not to read out a script which you have prepared earlier. You can do this if you like, but I think it sounds more natural if you’re not reading from a pre-written script, and ultimately it’s better for your spoken English. Writing notes is a good idea – just write the main points you want to make, but don’t write it out word for word – just write enough to help you remember.

You should practise your speech a few times until you’re comfortable.

Try to bring your speech to life and put your personality into it if possible.

If you prefer, you can just improvise the whole thing without any practice – in fact, that might be even more exciting or engaging if you do that, but it will also be slightly more challenging too.

Ultimately, just have fun and enjoy taking part in the competition. Don’t stress too much – it should be enjoyable and a fun way to practise your spoken English. I’m sure that everyone will be fascinated to hear short messages from LEPers all around the world! Personally, I can’t wait.

If you don’t know what to say and you need inspiration, perhaps you could respond to something you’ve heard on Luke’s English Podcast, or even (as a joke) you could parody my style of talking on LEP, a bit like this (from Alex Love & Paul Langton). It’s totally up to you. I’m really looking forward to receiving your audio entries at podcastcomp@gmail.com, so get started!

And now some chat about the 200th Anniversary of Luke’s English Podcast with English Robot 3000
Why did you start LEP?
When did you start LEP?
Did you ever expect to get to this point? (200 episodes, and nearly 1.5million downloads in 9 months)
What’s your objective with LEP?
What level is the podcast for?
Are you ever going to stop LEP?
What’s your favourite thing about doing LEP?
Are you happy doing LEP?
Does it ever make you unhappy? Is there anything frustrating or even scary about doing LEP?
What do you expect from your listeners? Small Donate Button
Do you ever get any negative comments, hate mail, or trolling?
Are you rich yet? How rich are you now?
What do your friends and family think of LEP?
Has LEP helped you in your life?
How does it feel to be so famous?
How much time does it take to do an episode of LEP?
Why don’t you do more videos?
How about arranging an event so that you can meet LEPPERS?
Why don’t you have your girlfriend/fiancee on the podcast?
How’s your French?
Someone told me that you have a new job? Is it true?
Do you have anything else to say to the people of the world?

Song Lyrics
P.S. The song I sing at the end of this episode is called “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life” by Eric Idle and comes from the soundtrack to the film “The Life of Brian” by Monty Python’s Flying Circus. Buy the film on iTunes here: https://itunes.apple.com/au/movie/monty-pythons-life-of-brian/id294661981

    Always Look on the Bright Side of Life – Monty Python

Am D G Em
Some things in life are bad they can really make you mad
Am D G
Other things just make you swear and curse
Am D
When you’ve chewing an life’s gristle
G Em
Don’t grumble give a whistle
Am D7
And this’ll help things turn out for the best

G Em Am D7 G Em Am D7
And always look on the bright side of life
G Em Am D7 G Em Am D7
Always look on the light side of life

Am D G Em
If life seems jolly rotten there’s something you’ve forgotten
Am D G
and that’s to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
Am D G Em
When you’ve feeling in the dumps don’t be silly chumps
Am D7
Just purse your lips and whistle – that’s the thing

G Em Am D7 G Em Am D7
And always look on the bright side of life
G Em Am D7 G Em Am D7
Come on always look on the bright side of life

Am D G Em
For life is quite absurd and death’s the final word
Am D G
you must always face the curtain with a bow
Am D G Em
Forget about your sin – give the audience a grin
Am D7
Enjoy it – it’s your last chance anyhow.

G Em Am D7 G Em Am D7
So always look on the bright side of death
G Em Am D7 G Em Am D7
just before you draw your terminal breath

Am D G Em
Life’s a pice if shit when you look at it
Am D G
Life’s a laugh and death’s a joke it’s true
Am D
You’ll see it’s all a show
G Em
keep’em laughing as you go
Am D7
just remember that the last laugh is on you

G Em Am D7 G Em Am D7
And always look on the bright side of life
G Em Am D7 G Em Am D7
Always look on the right side of life
(Come on guys, cheer up)
A F# Bm E7 A F# Bm E7
Always look on the right side of life
A F# Bm E7 A F# Bm E7
Always look on the right side of life ….
Episode 200 podpic