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189. World Cup 2014 (Part 3: Your Comments)

In this episode I’m going to read out comments you’ve added so far on my forum. Click here to visit the forum. The thread is now closed, but I’ll add a new one called “World Cup Comments Thread #2” where you can add other comments. Next week I’ll aim to record another episode with your comments. Right-click here to download this episode.

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I’ve corrected or ‘upgraded’ comments I’m reading out. You can read the corrected versions below.

Let’s get started.

MY ORIGINAL POST:
Hi everyone, I’m really enjoying The World Cup, I’m going to record an episode (or 2) about it very soon, and I need your help!

The World Cup is a truly global event so it will be great to hear the comments of people from around the world on this subject. So, please write your thoughts and comments on this year’s World Cup in this forum thread. I will read out your comments on the podcast. I think it would make a great episode of LEP!

So, please answer one (or more) of the questions below. I will read out your comments in an episode which I plan to record on Thursday afternoon (19 June).

Questions (Answer one or more)
1. Which teams do you think will reach the final, and why?
2. Which team do you think will win this year, and why?
3. Which team are you supporting this year, and why?
4. What are your team’s chances of success this year?
5. Who is the star of World Cup 2014 in your opinion?
6. Generally, what do you think of World Cup 2014 so far?
In all comments, please tell me which country you come from. ;)

Any comments written here by Thursday afternoon (my time) will be read out on the podcast (probably*). So, get writing!

p.s. I will correct errors (not publicly) in the comments before I read them out ;)

Luke

*I do reserve the right not to read out comments for any reason.

Artiz
Hi Luke!!
Do you think the ball crossed the line in the World Cup final you (England) won in 1966??
Cheers…and good luck for England! You will need it!
I forgot to say I am from Spain!
…but I support Argentina. I think the best player ever (Messi) deserves the championship!
Luke: How can you support Argentina if you’re from Spain!?
mmm It’s hard to explain…I love football and I am a loyal supporter of Osasuna in the Spanish league (this year relegated!) so I don’t have a strong feeling with the national teams although I enjoy so much watching all these matches…Also in my region (Pamplona is my hometown) there is not a big national feeling… Am I making it clearer? Or even worse? haha

Roman
4. What are your team’s chances of success this year?
Germany I guess. But to be honest I’m not really into football or soccer or whatever the name is. I much prefer Le Tour de France, which is a French bicycle race for those of you who don’t know. Anyway thank you very much indeed for taking the time to read out this brief comment. Best of luck for the World Cup! Roman from France.

Phillip
Hi Luke! I hope England win but I don’t think they will. If they don’t, I would like Spain or any South American country to win. PS. What do you think about the banner Argentina posed with before their friendly match with Slovenia?

Bruno Correa
São Paulo, Brazil.
Hello, Luke!
I think Brazil and England will absolutely reach the final.
I’m sorry, Luke but I’ve got to say Brazil will win it!
Well, actually I don’t care that much about that. I’m more worried about more important issues here in Brazil.
The World Cup is a really good event, you know, people in this country are sort of obsessed with football. I know it’s a great party and we all love that.
I’m not so sure though that is what my country really needs, at least not now.
Too much money (at least 30 billion dollars) has been spent on this.
We undoubtebly do not need more stadiums, but we do need better education, security and welfare.
Thank you.
Cheers!

Stan Chatov
I think that the finalists will be the Netherlands or Germany.

Diego
Hi luke, I am Diego from Argentina.
Though I think Germany is the toughest team to beat, I believe we are going to make it to the final.
On the other side of the draw is Brazil, five times champion, with a great history and present. Brazil and Argentina are going to see their faces at the Maracana in the last battle of this World cup.
If Uruguay made it in the 50s why can’t Argentina with Messi dream of it too?

Nadia Dosova
Hi everybody, I work as a support teacher in a primary school in London and we did a sweepstake with the kids the other day for the World Cup, so everyone drew a country to support. I got Australia so if they win I might get a prize:-))) (of course I won’t, it’s just for fun). Generally I think Spain or Brazil have the chance:-)

Yannick
Hi Luke
I’m really into football so the World Cup is a great thing for me. In my opinion, the world cup is already a huge success because there have not been as many riots as expected and people over there seem to be happy about it.
I’m a big Bayern Munich supporter so it’s quite logical that I have a soft spot for Germany. I think they will win in the end against Brasil because they have the star of the World Cup, Thomas Müller, in their team. Unfortunately Switzerland won’t succeed. They might reach the quarter-finals but that’s all.
Regards from Switzerland
Yannick Wohlhauser

Zdenek
Hey Luke,
I hope you are ok, this podcast is a great idea.
Let me answer your questions:
1. Which teams do you think will reach the final, and why?
Argentina. I think Brazil won’t make it because they won’t handle the pressure of being the host country and Argentina will take advantage. Messi can be the worst player on the pitch like in the first game but he is still capable of miracles. My dark horse is Belgium but I think they will be beaten in the semis. Germany seems to be strong too, but they will also lose in the semi-final.
2. Which team do you think will win this year, and why?
Holand will win it. As much as I hate Roben for being an arrogant player and a diver, and Van Persie as a traitor who left Arsenal for Man U because of money, I have to admit that they seem to have a very strong team and the way they hammered Spain was just impressive.
3. Which team are you supporting this year, and why?
It is an easy call for me. England because it’s this country and its language that I fell for. And of course because of Luke. And naturally Jack Wilshere who plays for the Gunners. And also Frank Lampard for whom I have lot of respect. (I can’t support the US because they call it soccer which is shameful and despite beating Ghana, they still have kind of no clue how to play this game)
4. What are your team’s chances of success this year?
Zero. They are not there. I wish we were but we messed it up in the qualificaion group stages. I am enjoying waching this tournament big time but if the Czech Republic team were actually in it, I would obviously enjoy it a hundred times more. That’s just the nature of supporting I guess. A bitter pill to swallow but it’s just the way it is I am afraid.
5. Who is the star of World Cup 2014 in your opinion?
I hope it is gonna be someone from the England team. Now it is too early to predict. But I would like to see some new faces, too. Perhaps some players from Africa like Bony Wilfried from Ivory Coast for example. I hope Ballotelli, Neymar or Robben won’t win the golden boot because I don’t like them.
6. Generally, what do you think of World Cup 2014 so far?
The goal-line technology is awesome. Neverthless I miss Luke’s English podcast banners in the stands. So far some matches have been boring, some good but generally the atmosphere has been electric and buzzing. I can’t wait when it comes down to the wire and hopefully when push comes to shove, I am gonna get some goosebumps, too.
Come on England!
Zdenek

Yaron
Hello Luke,
Firstly, you have the greatest podcast I have ever heard.
Since I started listening to your podcast, my english has improved a lot.
Many many many thanks from me :)
So now let’s get down to business, my answers to your questions are:
1. Which teams do you think will reach the final, and why?
In my opinion, it will be Brazil and Germany. The former becuase it is the host team which has the “home” advantage, and the latter because it is the best team in the world
2. Which team do you think will win this year, and why?
Germany. Maybe it’s wishful thinking…
But, if I am serious, I think so mainly because the Germans plays as a team and not based on a few stars.
3. Which team are you supporting this year, and why?
Isn’t it obvious? Germany of course
The reason? Well, At one time, you said that people usually support teams based on their roots… well, I have Germans roots. Add to it the fact that I cannot support my home country (Israel). The last time Israel reached the world cup was before I was born (in 1970).
4. What are your team’s chances of success this year?
Objectively, I think Germany has a good chance to win this year.
5. Who is the star of World Cup 2014 in your opinion?
So far, it is Robben from the Netherlands. The game of Netherlands vs. Spain was amazing.
6. Generally, what do you think of World Cup 2014 so far?
I think it is great. Indeed it is a global celebration.
In all comments, please tell me which country you come from.
My name is Yaron and I’m from Israel and it is an great honor for me that you will read out and correct my English!
Cheers
Yaron

Adriano
The Brazilian supporters swearing at the President and FIFA before the first match has been the best thing from the world cup so far.
Luke: Are you referring to this? http://www.ctvnews.ca/sports/blog-protest-sees-brazilians-standing-up-against-world-cup-1.1870865

Joaquin
Hi from Spain. I would love a final between Brasil and Argentina. A sort of OK Corral duel for Messi and Neymar. And I hope the winner is… the refree. I am a Real Madrid fan and don’t feel too much love for these two guys.
Although I support Spain, I am afraid our boys will come back home soon. They really deserve a golden retirement after six years winning all the competitions. We have been proud of them but we need a change of the guard.
And I would like England to be in the semi finals at least.
One question for you: Americans say “soccer” instead of football. Do you know where the word soccer comes from?

Vinicius
English people invented the most fabulous sport: Football. But, the Brazilians changed that sport into art. Go Brazil, get your sixth trophy! Chupa Argentina! (means “suck it Argentina!”)

Yaron (again)
Following my earlier post, in my opinion, Luke and the whole England nation shouldn’t complain about the English football team. As you can see it could be worse, like in my case that my country hasn’t reached the world cup at all.
Yaron from Israel.

Stefano Pierini
Hi luke. While I’m enjoying the world cup and really hoping Italy will surprise me (still too early to choose the best player but Pirlo is in the top 5) I actually wanna suggest that you comment on the 2022 venue for the world cup ‘Qatar’ which apparently won the bid unfairly.
Greetings from Philly.
Thanks Luke
Stefano

Wilkson
I’m supporting Brazil of course because i’m brazilian lol
the other question I’d like to answer is ” 6. Generally, what do you think of World Cup 2014 so far?”
I think it is a great event, and good for society in general even though the huge amount of money spent on this event is being questioned mainly by us brazilians, but i think it’s good because it unites a lot of nations, and brings us together in peace for a moment.
hopefully :)

Diogo Kurbrusly DeFreitas
Hello Luke!
Greetings from Rio de Janeiro – As a Brazlian, I’ve been hearing about the 2014 FIFA World Cup and its legacy for years and years.
It goes without saying that Brazil is in the spotlight at the moment. From our worldwide known footballers to our modest airports and worrying protests, everything is being covered. Furthermore, it seems to me that the international press has got some mixed feelings concerning the World Cup here in Brazil.
On the one hand we clearly see a lot of criticism when it comes to how the event was planned, organized and managed. Regarding this matter we shall take the example of the official opening ceremony, which could be described as nothing but a fiasco. It was a source of jokes and ridiculousness – not only here in Brazil but all around the world as well. Harsh were the comments on the BBC and The Guardian websites regarding it. Although the international judgements were severe, I must agree with them entirely.
Despite starting on the wrong foot, I truly believe there’s still some hope for making things right. As the World Cup unfolds itself, I can notice some positivity in the air. There’s a great deal of excitment all around the matches and the competition itself. Believe it or not, yahoo.com is already referring to Brazil’s World Cup as the best one of all time.
Having said all of this, Luke… I’d like to know your views on this World Cup. How are things going so far? How well is Brazil performing its role as the host of such a tremendous event? Last but not least: who is going to win this Cup?
Btw, it’s a poor thing The Three Lions haven’t had a good start in the competition but I’m pretty sure they will overcome it.
Cheers!
PS: Sorry for not keeping my message short. As it is said brevity is a virtue, and it seems that I still need to work on it.

Ji Hyun
Germany and Netherlands will probably meet in the final.
They seem so strong, they got huge scores in their first matches, and I think Germany will win the world cup this year. They always seem stronger in the world cup than any other football games.
But I’m supporting my country Korea, it’s a great honour to attend 8 times in a row, and I hope Korea will go through to the last 16 :)

Dang Le Trung Nguyen
Hi Luke,
For this World Cup I completely support England primarily and Japan secondarily, just because I’m learning English and Japanese. This habit, which was planted inside of me when I was a child, is that as I study some foreign language, I study things from that country where that language is spoken as the first language, like culture, customs, civil tastes and so on. I have been a fan of England for a long time, a 12-year period to be exact. I was disappointed with the first round results of those two teams – they were both defeated by the same 2-1 score. I hope they will both pocket 6 points from the remaining matches and qualify for the 1/16 round. I predict that possibly, England will reach the quarter-finals and then sadly, be kicked out on the penalty spot. England always fail on the spot, it’s an English uncureable infection. Japan will lose the 1/16 round.
In this FIFA World Cup, I’m really satisfied with Goal-Line Technology being brought into use and it’s worked. It has gone through many demanding technical tests and it helped in the match between France and Honduras. More specifically, it helped the referee make a right decision by allowing France’s 2nd goal. You remember Frank Lampard’s disallowed goal against Germany 4 years ago, don’t you? If it had been given, the result might have altered. What a pity!
I’m also drawn by the spray used by the referee to restrict the wall when there’s a free-kick. It’s quite strange and in some sense, it looks funny. But I wonder what that substance is when witnessing it disappears rather quickly after. You know what I mean?
This World Cup, there have been plenty of incorrect referee decisions. It’s probably in our mind that one Japanese referee Nishimura’s bad whistle allowed a penalty for Brazil while a Crotia’s man’s touch was clearly not hard enough to bring down Brazil’s Fred. It’s still being criticized. And two Dos Santos goals scored properly were disallowed due to bad referee offside calls. Fortunately, the Mexican men won the game in the end. If not, it would have become more severely controversial. The referee is always an issue in every tournament.
I think Brazil will win the World Cup. The Netherlands will be the runner-up. Germany is likely to stand in 3rd and for the 4th place, I bet on Italy. Most of this prediction is based on my intuition rather than my sense (the factual results we’ll all known after observing each team’s performance). OK, to sum up, it can possibly be:
Champion: Brazil
Runner-up: The Netherlands
3rd place: Germany
4th place: Italy
The top-scorer: Robbin van Persie (the Netherlands)

Tiago Felipe (in response to Dang)
Hi Dang Le Trung Nguyen
That Spray referees use was first used in Brazil and now it’s spreading around the world. It’s a kind of lather. That’s why it disappears very quickly.
We also use this kind of lather in carnival, it’s very fun. But it’s very dangerous if it gets into the eyes.
http://www.istoaqui.com.br/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/100105_f_034.jpg

Rie
Hi, I just wanted to share this article to everyone. Maybe some of you already know, but I just was so proud of it as a Japanese person.
https://in.news.yahoo.com/japanese-fans-pick-trash-world-101927572.html

Amra
3. Which team are you supporting this year, and why?
This year’s World Cup is historical for my country because it is the first time Bosnia and Herzegovina’s team is represented in such an important global sporting event. Just the fact that we qualified and managed to play there among all the best football teams is success and of course it means so much to me. It makes me proud of our boys Pjanić, Misimović, Bešić, Begović, Džeko…
Hearing our National anthem in the famous Maracana for the first time ever was overwhelming. Plus knowing that millions of people around the world were watching our team there in the match against the great Argentina was pretty intense. Can’t imagine the pressure and stress in the field at the very beginning of W.C. ’14, but when Bosnians scored in the second half (Ibišević) felt like some National holiday here – everyone dressed up for the occasion, wearing silly hats, waving our flags, singing and having a great time… So the result 2:1, although they won, was very very good. I mean, it’s Argentina we played against!!!
And I think Gauchos played worse than usual because our Dragons were surprisingly good and showed they were up to the task. Now I’m sort of glad that game is over and behind us – we waited for it so impatiently and it was nerve-racking all day and for the whole 90 minutes. The hardest match I’ve ever watched. And certainly something to tell our kids and grand children about. The next two matches should be easier to play, and to watch too, and I, of course, expect Bosnians to win both games. Just remember the first time your country’s team played in the World Cup and you’ll know what I mean!
My second favorite is England and thank God we’re NOT in the same group. :-) Why England? There are many reasons; personal and professioanal. And they’re a good team as well. I Hope to see them in the finals. Along with Brasil – man, they live football 24/7! I also support Croatia – “Love your neighbor!” – so best of luck, people! You’re great!
Btw, what is that whipped cream thing that referees use? Ha ha… :-)
– Amra
Greetings from Bosnia!

Evelin
The World Cup – such a great topic ! I’m really looking forward to listening to the podcast about IT :) I’ve always been a big fan of football (although I’m a girl) , so it’s a great time for me :D I’m sitting on my couch, watching a match between Australia and the Netherlands . I must say that this world championship is on a very high level , matches are unpredictable and fascinating ! I’m really disappointed that I can’t support my national team – Poland ( We played against England in the preliminary stage and we lost of course ) . Instead , I cheer on Argentina (although their defence worries me a little bit :/ ) I’d love to see Argentina – Brazil in the final match ! Sorry , but I have to say that England doesn’t have a real striker , so it is going to be hard to achieve something :/ On the question of the best footballer so far , I’d choose Arjen Robben – incredible left leg :) Greetings from Poland!

Tiago
Hi Luke, I’m Tiago and I come from Brazil.
I’m really excited to take part in this episode.
I’m expecting Brazil vs Argentina in the final game, you know we are not so friendly with each other and that would make a classic match. Both teams are making a good campaign. But of course I think and hope Brazil will win this year, since 2002 we haven’t won a World Cup, the brazilians deserve it, we are hosting the game and the victory will be amazing for all of us. You know that Brazil is known as the country of Football around the globe, but not everyone likes it here. The only problem we are having is about the amount of money that the government spent in order to host the World cup, some people are protesting about it. In part I belive they could have done a better job if they had used that money on Educacion and Health areas.
I have a question, Aren’t you supporting Brazil too?

Andrus
Hi Luke,
First of all,I appreciate very much what you do,I enjoy your genuine British humour and I’m amazed how it’s possible to do so much nonstop talking. Man, you’re just a genius.
Now, let’s talk about football shall we? No doubt it’s a great game and of course I watch the world cup as much as I can. But here in Estonia our most popular sport by a long shot is basketball. What do you like the most Luke -basketball or football? Ha-ha, stupid question to ask, I know :)
So, the world cup….
1. Which teams do you think will reach the final, and why?
I think the finals will be reached by Brazil and Germany and the world champs will be Germany. They are playing very beautiful and smart football.
2. Which team do you think will win this year, and why?
As I said before-the winner this time will be Germany..you’ll see.
3. Which team are you supporting this year, and why?
I’m not supporting any team actually but my favourites are the Netherlands and Germany.
4. What are your team’s chances of success this year?
Sorry to say that but my country will never ever reach to world cup because we are so bad at playing football. By the way-Estonia will play against England on 12th of October this year…so watch out :)
5. Who is the star of World Cup 2014 in your opinion?
I think the star of World Cup 2014 will be Robin Van Persie.I don’t like his personality though but the way this guy is playing (plays?) is impressive.
6. Generally, what do you think of World Cup 2014 so far?
It’s been a pretty amazing WC so far I think. We have seen attractive football with many beautiful goals and that’s what football is all about right? I’m really enjoying it.
Sorry about my english grammar,I’m a bit rusty I know.
Bye-byee

Diogo Kubrusly de Freitas
Hello again Luke!
At the beginning of the first part on your series about the FIFA World Cup you invited listeners from Brazil to say how they were feeling about hosting the 2014 most famous football tournament on earth. So here I am to add my contribution and to present you a brief introduction to our current social-political scenario.
It’s a tricky business to say how Brazil as a whole is feeling about the World Cup… but I can speak for myself, and to be a 100% honest I’m not a happy bunny.
Everyone knows that millions and millions of dollars were spent so that Brazil could meet FIFA’s standards for this competition and therefore host the World Cup. The funny thing is that Brazil’s government constantly say our revenue is not enough in order to meet the country’s needs. Brazil has no money for neither building up new schools nor fully equipping its hospitals. Nevertheless the country can afford the billionaire costs of gigantic stadiums. What a contradiction!!!
Oh it almost slipped from my mind to tell you about inflation levels in Brazil. If you fancy coming here be ready to be ripped off. Every single day a number of services and goods are geting more and more exorbitant.
Another point to be taken into account is how the local media deals with our problems. As far as I’m concerned certain TV networks and influential personalities from Brazil tend to turn a blind eye to our social issues. To illustrate what I’m saying, I shall quote what a well-known football player said some months ago about the World Cup dilemma: ‘We do not make a World Cup with schools but with stadiums’. The genius behind this masterpiece is Ronaldo – the fat one.
Another guy once said that instead of protesting against corruption, Brazilans should support the national squad. Who said that? Not surprising it was another rich and famous Brazilian footballer: Pelé!
I understand the fact Ronaldo and Pelé are fighting for the World Cup in Brazil but I hold the opinion that such statements are disgraceful and revolting – they offend people’s real needs.
I don’t want to be seen as a misery guts but financially speaking it was not the right moment for having a World Cup here in Brazil. Brazilians do have other urgent priorities. It is concerning to think that much more money will continue to go down the drain even when the 2014 World Cup is past. I say this based on the fact that the next Olympic Games will take place here in Rio de Janeiro.
So, I’d say we’ll have to wait and see what will come to be of Brazil in the next couple of years. Fingers crossed things will take a better path…

Jan Kloucek
Hi Luke,
it’s an amazing idea to make a podcast about the World Cup. I’ve said to myself that I have to listen to your episode about the English Premier League these days again because there is a lot of vocab and expressions connected with football and I really need refresh them all.
I’ve got just one question and I don’t know if it’s about the World Cup enough :) but I’ll try it. Nowadays I’ve been living in southern England (Bournemouth) for a few months which means I’m watching the World Cup in Englad’s typical pubs and I’m struggling a bit with people’s behaviour. :) Before the World Cup started I’d been looking forward to watching matches in England a lot because of the atmosphere etc. but now I’m not able to get used to it. Everybody’s drunk and extremely noisy everywhere is overcrowded, there’s no possibility to make a reservation for a table for example and take a seat. I don’t know if it’s understandable :) I don’t have something against cheering and shouting etc. but there is almost no chance to watch a match because of other people…
I’m used to watching football and all other sports events in a pub in the Czech Republic as well but we’re siting during them, drinking beers, debating… Do you know what I mean?
And my questions are: Is it a normal state in the UK or is there is a chance to find quieter places as well and have I just had a bad luck? And what’s your opinion about this? Do you prefer loud atmospheres to quieter one? Is this a taste of football for you (I mean for the English)? And what about the atmosphere in Paris’s pubs?
Fingers crossed for tonight!

Video
Here’s a taste of the atmosphere in a sports bar in the centre of London. This is how some English fans (not everyone) behaves in a busy pub when there’s an England game on.

188. World Cup 2014 (Part 2: England & The Dark Side of the World Cup)

In this second World Cup episode we focus on England, and then the dark side of The World Cup including the allegations of corruption and the civil unrest in Brazil. Right-click here to download this episode.

Contents
1. What does the World Cup mean to me? (Dealt with in part 1)
2. What’s the situation at this time? Who looks strong? What’s going on? The Basic Guide to World Cup 2014. (Dealt with in part 1)
3. Focus on England
4. Changes to the rules
5. The dark side of the World Cup
6. A brief History of The World Cup (In part 3)

3. England: What are their chances?
World Cup history – penalties. The curse of the penalty shootout.
Stuart Pearce Penalty video 1996 (Feel the passion!)

Why haven’t England won the cup even though the premiership is the top league in the world?
– Foreign players
– Clubs come first
– Finding the right coach
– Egos and personalities vs teamwork
– Pressure & Expectation from the media & the public (it’s assumed that England will win, “football’s coming home” and this doesn’t help)
– Finding the right squad
– Penalties (it’s all in the mind)
England: Letting the rest of the world shine since 1966 ;)

4. Changes to the rules, etc
Goal line technology.
The vanishing spray.
Player conduct – diving, cheating & time-wasting.
The Falklands/Malvinas Situation. Click here to read arguments for and against British occupation of The Falkland Islands. Click here to read an article about the Argentinian players’ protest.

5. The other side of the World Cup. The ‘dark side’ of The World Cup.
Controversy, corruption and civil unrest.
Riots in Brazil.
FIFA’s 2022 corruption scandal.
The Falklands issue – Argentina vs England http://www.debate.org/opinions/should-the-falklands-belong-to-argentina
John Oliver’s report

His main points:
The sausage principle: If you love something, don’t find out how it was made.
He’s excited about the World Cup, but he’s also conflicted about it because of the alleged corruption of FIFA.
Some Brazilians are unhappy about the World Cup because the money spent on hosting the games is not going to the people who need it.
FIFA persuaded the Brazilian government to overturn safety laws in football stadiums. The law used to state that beer could not be sold in stadiums. FIFA refused to negotiate and pushed very hard for this safety law to be overturned. John Oliver believes it’s irresponsible of FIFA to prioritise their sponsors over public safety.
FIFA’s boardroom looks dark and evil.
In Qatar, workers’ rights are so poor that it’s almost like slave labour. Also, health and safety standards are so low that it’s expected that thousands of workers will die during constructions of the stadiums. Downer :(

Stay tuned for part 3 coming soon!

3 Lions ’98 (Baddiel, Skinner & The Lightning Seeds) “Football’s Coming Home” Lyrics
Three Lions 98 Version

We still believe, we still believe
we still believe

Its coming home,
Its coming home, its coming
Footballs coming home

Tears for heroes dressed in grey
No plans for final day
Stay in bed, drift away
It could have been all
Songs in the street
It was nearly complete
It was nearly so sweet
And now Im singing

Three lions on the shirt
Jules Rimet still gleaming
No more years of hurt
No more need for dreaming

Talk about football coming home
And then one night in Rome
We were strong, we had grown
And now I see Ince ready for war
Gazza good as before
Shearer ready to score
And Psycho screaming

Three lions on the shirt
Jules Rimet still gleaming
No more years of hurt
No more need for dreaming

We can dance Nobbys dance
We could dance it in France

Its coming home, its coming home,
Footballs coming home….

source: http://www.lyricsondemand.com/0/3lions98lyrics/footballscominghomelyrics.html

Please leave your comments below.

187. World Cup 2014 (Part 1: The Basic Guide)

Lots of people want me to talk about the World Cup, so here we go! This is the first in a series of episodes about World Cup 2014. We start with a general look at the tournament, the groups and the teams. Consider this to be your basic guide to World Cup 2014. Right-click here to download this episode.

I have been preparing podcasts on other things lately but that must stop because nothing else can happen at this moment – why? Because it’s the World Cup. You may have noticed. I think there is a law going round that 75% of anything must be about the world cup. That’s conversations, television, radio, newspaper articles, commercials, food, pets, weather, geography, elephants, whatever. It has to be connected to the World Cup in some way. It’s just an unwritten global law. If I talk about anything else on the podcast at this time, there’s a danger it will go in one ear and out of the other, there is only The World Cup! So, it has to be dealt with. So LET’S DO THIS. Let’s talk about THE WORLD CUP!

Don’t think that I’m reluctant to talk about it. I’m not. I love football. I really love the World Cup – well, most of it. There are some things that I don’t like about it, and we’ll come to that stuff later. I’m not reluctant to talk about it by any means, it’s just that it’s a pretty massive topic and I’ve been wondering how to cover it properly. I’ve decided that I’ll just ramble on about it and do my best to make it accurate and well-informed. Please be aware that I’m an English-teacher-podcaster-comedian-musician but not necessarily an expert on the world of international football, but I will do my best to talk about football with the level of knowledge and expertise that you might expect from most ordinary people in the UK. I have a normal level of knowledge of this subject. So, it’s a bit like talking to a guy in a pub about it, or chatting to a guy who you know at work or school, just like the sort of conversation you’re likely to have in the real world. It’s pretty rare that you get to talk to a football journalist isn’t it? Yes it is, unless you’re married to one or something.

Other World Cup podcasts you could listen to:
The Guardian Football Weekly Podcast (Very in-depth and well-made, but not produced with learners of English in mind.)
Languagecaster.com Lots of stuff about learning English via football here, including some podcasts. Have a look.
British Council Premier Skills English. Loads of resources to learn English associated with football.
Luke’s English Podcast – English Premier League Football.
Future episodes of LEP. I expect I’ll be talking more about the World Cup in the next couple of weeks, and this episode might be separated into several parts. Also, I’ll make a podcast with your comments too.

If you’re not a football fan, well, in this episode you’ll have to just enjoy the words that are coming out of my mouth, without getting too carried away by the general subject matter. I will be looking at both sides in this podcast, and there will be some general criticism of football and the World Cup later on in this episode (or in part 2 if it’s necessary to divide it into two).

It’s one week into the competition. I’m going to talk about how it’s going so far. It’s hard to make any big statements at this moment, because it could all change. By the time you listen to it, everything could be different. I realise that. Anyway, let’s talk football.

Here’s what I’m going to deal with in this episode. I’m planning another one very soon in which I will respond to comments which some of you have left in my forum. You can read that forum thread by clicking here: Luke’s World Cup Comments Forum Thread.

Contents
1. What does the World Cup mean to me?
2. What’s the situation at this time? Who looks strong? What’s going on? The Basic Guide to World Cup 2014.
3. Focus on England
4. Changes to the rules
5. The dark side of the World Cup
6. A brief History of The World Cup

1. What does the World Cup mean to me?
It’s an international celebration. It’s great fun to get caught up in the excitement. It brings people together. It’s a time when we forget our differences and let problems get settled on the football pitch. It’s also nice to see all the hot girls from around the world on TV sometimes. On the more serious side, the World Cup is becoming more and more controversial, basically because of FIFA and the allegations of corruption, and the civil unrest in Brazil around their hosting of the competition. More on that later. Right now, let’s focus on the football, and leave the politics until later.
My world cup story.
Meeting Rai de Oliveira. (Name dropping) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ra%C3%AD

2. Who looks like they could win at this stage?
Let’s look at the groups. To help me here, I am quoting from a very useful article on Slate.com called “How to Fake Your Way Through the Tournament Like a Champ”, which is a kind of dummy’s guide to The World Cup 2014. If you don’t know a lot about the World Cup, this might help you. Since the article was written, some things have changed, and are still changing now as games are being played every day, but it will give you a good idea of the context at this stage.

Now listen to part 2 of this World Cup episode!

176. Grammar: Verb Tense Review

This episode is all about grammar, specifically verb tenses such as: present simple, present continuous, present perfect simple, present perfect continuous, past perfect, past perfect continuous and different future forms. Part of this episode is transcribed, and part of it is spontaneous.

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I’m going to go through lots of verb tenses in English. I’ll demonstrate them first, and then go through them with you, explaining their form, use and pronunciation.

It’s been a while since I did an episode on grammar, and so I thought I’d give you a really thorough look at different verb tenses. It’s a bit ambitious to try and cover lots of tenses in one episode, but I’ll try and keep it brief and practical.

This could be a really useful episode, which you could listen to again and again, in order to get the full value.

I don’t normally do many episodes on grammar, because let’s be honest, it’s pretty boring. Unless you’re a grammar geek, it can be pretty mind numbing stuff. In one ear and out the other. The trouble is, that in explaining the basics of grammar you end up using all kinds of complex and abstract language, which makes the whole thing more complex than it really is. For example, if you can’t use the present simple tense correctly, then you’re hardly able to understand the rules that underpin that tense.

We don’t learn a language by learning the rules first and then applying them. Instead we learn by trying to communicate a message in that language. In doing that we learn the limitations and possibilities. But, it does help to get an insight into the structures at work because you can identify areas where you’re making mistakes, or particular tenses that you’re not using.

So listen carefully while I’m talking here and try to notice the different tenses. That’s your task. Notice the different tenses I use, as I’m using them. Like, oh that’s present perfect, or that’s a 1st conditional structure, or that’s the future perfect continuous passive there, I love that one. Etc.

Then I’ll go through it all and explain it at the end. You can read this on my website.

So, let’s start. Listen closely as I tell you a few things about myself. Notice the tenses, and I’ll explain them afterwards. Eventually, the plan is for you to perhaps practise this by talking about yourself in a similar way, using the tenses as I do. Then you’ll be speaking more like a native. Some of this is written down, and some of it is improvised.

OK, it’s grammar time!

Spot the Tenses
m5e8dHello. I’m Luke. I’m from London, but at the moment I’m living in Paris. I’ve been living here for just over a year. It’s great. I’m really enjoying it. You know that originally I’m from England. I was born in a town just outside London, and then I lived in West London for a long time. My Dad was promoted and got a job in the midlands, so we moved there, and stayed for many years. I went to university in Liverpool and lived there for 4 years, and then I moved back to Warwickshire. That’s when I decided to become an English teacher. I’d finished uni and I was working in a pub, not really going anywhere. As well as studying at university and college, I’d also been playing in lots of bands over the past few years, but it hadn’t really worked out, so I needed to think of something to do. I ended up deciding to become a TEFL teacher in 2001 and then I went to Japan and lived there for 2 years. That was an awesome time. had loads of really cool experiences and met loads of people, but I didn’t want to get stuck there, and I was keen to get back to my home country. I moved back to London and I worked there for a long time. It was while I was living in London that I came up with the idea to launch an amazing podcast for learners of English, that would save the world from the forces of evil. That’s when I created the now legendary Luke’s English Podcast, and a new cult of language learners was created. Who knows, maybe the LEPPERS will one day rise up and, just speak really fluently, and then give everyone free ice-cream sandwiches. It’s just a dream maybe, but who knows, it might just happen.

I moved to Paris in 2012. Living in Paris is pretty cool. It used to be quite difficult, because I couldn’t speak the language but I’m getting used to it now. When I first came here, I’d never visited Paris before, but my girlfriend had told me a lot about it, so I was kind of prepared. I’d also been to France quite a lot as a child on holiday. But when I first arrived it was quite hard because I didn’t speak much French. I took some French lessons at school when I was a kid but I don’t remember learning much. In fact most of the time those French lessons were a bit of a doss. So, when I first arrived I couldn’t really communicate, which was not very helpful. It was usually okay because I could get by, but I remember once I was walking down the street and this guy came up to me and started talking, but I couldn’t understand him, and he got angrier and angrier and started following me down the street. It was a bit scary and weird, and I wish I could have understood him and told him to piss off or whatever.

These days things are much easier, and Paris is an amazing place to live in. I’ve seen and done quite a lot of stuff here.

things I’ve done

– I’ve been up the Eiffel Tower. I’ve visited Notre Dame. I’ve been to Shakespeare and Company. I’ve tried lots of delicious French wine.

Things I’ve been doing

– I’ve been doing lots of comedy. I’ve been doing lots of gigs.

– I’ve been working at the university.

– I’ve been recording episodes of the podcast

-learning french

Today I’ve drunk a bit too much coffee so I’m pretty hyperactive. Normally I drink tea, but more recently I’ve been drinking coffee. I’ve had about 9,000 cups already today.

Work

– At the moment I’m working at the university

– I teach English, but I’m teaching at a university at the moment.

The future

– Hopefully it’ll last. Hopefully they’ll take me on again.

– I wonder what’s going to happen in the future.

going to / present continuous

– We’re going to visit New York next month

– I might do a special report from New York

– We’re going to stay in an AirBnB apartment that we’ve found

– We’re planning the trip at the moment.

– We’re flying there in the middle of April. It’s going to be good.

Will

– England will probably win.

– We probably won’t win. I imagine it will be someone like Spain or Brazil.

– It’s going to be a challenge.

– We probably won’t get to the final, but if we do it’ll be amazing.

5 years from now

– Who knows what I’ll be doing

– Hopefully I’ll still be recording episodes of LEP

– I might have had kids by then.

– I’ll probably have children. That’ll be…

– Hopefully, I will have done many more episodes of LEP and perhaps I will have expanded my work online in some way.

10 years from now

– If I’m still doing Luke’s English Podcast , I will have been doing LEP for 15 years.

– I will have been being listened to for 10 years (!!!)

The Tenses

Present simple
– I teach English, but I’m teaching at a university at the moment.

Present continuous
– I’m from London, but at the moment I’m living in Paris.
– At the moment I’m working at the university
– I teach English, but I’m teaching at a university at the moment.

Past simple
– (for) I lived in West London for a long time.
– (sequence of finished actions) My Dad was promoted and got a job in the midlands, so we moved there, and stayed for many years. I went to university in Liverpool and lived there for 4 years, and then I moved back to Warwickshire.

Past continuous
– I’d finished uni and I was working in a pub, not really going anywhere.
– It was while I was living in London that I came up with the idea to launch an amazing podcast for learners of English
– I was walking down the street and this guy came up to me and started talking, but I couldn’t understand him

Used to do vs. Get used to doing
– It used to be quite difficult, because I couldn’t speak the language but I’m getting used to it now.

Present perfect
– I’ve been up the Eiffel Tower. I’ve visited Notre Dame. I’ve been to Shakespeare and Company. I’ve tried lots of delicious French wine.
– Today I’ve drunk a bit too much coffee so I’m pretty hyperactive. Normally I drink tea, but more recently I’ve been drinking coffee. I’ve had about 9,000 cups already today.

Present perfect continuous
– I’ve been doing lots of comedy. I’ve been doing lots of gigs.
– I’ve been working at the university.
– I’ve been recording episodes of the podcast
– I’ve been living here for just over a year.

Past perfect
– That’s when I decided to become an English teacher. I’d finished uni and I was working in a pub, not really going anywhere.
– When I first came here, I’d never visited Paris before, but my girlfriend had told me a lot about it, so I was kind of prepared.

Past perfect continuous
As well as studying at university and college, I’d also been playing in lots of bands over the past few years, but it hadn’t really worked out, so I needed to think of something to do.

Modals to talk about the past
– I wish I could have understood him and told him to piss off or whatever

Going to / present continuous
– We’re going to visit New York next month
– I might do a special report from New York
– We’re going to stay in an AirBnB apartment that we’ve found
– We’re planning the trip at the moment.
– We’re flying there in the middle of April. It’s going to be good.

Future with will (not plans, but judgements, opinions, predictions)
– Who knows, maybe the LEPPERS will one day rise up.
– Hopefully it’ll last. Hopefully they’ll take me on again.
– England will probably win.
– We probably won’t win. I imagine it will be someone like Spain or Brazil.

1st Conditional
– We probably won’t get to the final, but if we do it’ll be amazing.

Future continuous
– Who knows what I’ll be doing
– Hopefully I’ll still be recording episodes of LEP

Future perfect
– Hopefully, I will have done many more episodes of LEP and perhaps I will have expanded my work online in some way.

Future perfect continuous (in a 1st Conditional structure, no less!)
– If I’m still doing Luke’s English Podcast , I will have been doing LEP for 15 years.

Future perfect continuous passive!
– I will have been being listened to for 10 years (!!!)

Modals for the future
– it might just happen.

Test Yourself

Complete the gaps in this text. Scroll up to see the answers.

Hello. I’m Luke. I’m from London, but at the moment I _______________________ (live) in Paris. I _______________________ (live) here for just over a year. It’s great. I’m really enjoying it. You know that originally I’m from England. I _______________________ (born) in a town just outside London, and then I _______________________ (live)  in West London for a long time. My Dad _______________________ (promote) and got a job in the midlands, so we _______________________ (move) there, and _______________________ (stay) for many years. I _______________________ (go) to university in Liverpool and _______________________ (live) there for 4 years, and then I _______________________ (move) back to Warwickshire. That’s when I _______________________ (decide) to become an English teacher. I _______________________ (finish) uni and I (work) in a pub, not really going anywhere. As well as studying at university and college, I _______________________ (also play) in lots of bands over the past few years, but it hadn’t really worked out, so I _______________________ (need) to think of something to do. I _______________________ (end up) deciding to become a TEFL teacher in 2001 and then I _______________________ (go) to Japan and _______________________ (live) there for 2 years. That was an awesome time. I _______________________ (have) loads of really cool experiences and _______________________ (meet) loads of people, but I _______________________ (not want) to get stuck there, and I was keen to get back to my home country. I _______________________ (move) back to London and I _______________________ (work) there for a long time. It was while I _______________________ (live) in London that I _______________________ (come up with) the idea to launch an amazing podcast for learners of English, that would save the world from the forces of evil. That’s when I _______________________ (create) the now legendary Luke’s English Podcast, and a new cult of language learners was created. Who knows, maybe the LEPSTERS _______________________ (rise up one day) and, just speak really fluently, and then give everyone free ice-cream sandwiches. It’s just a dream maybe, but who knows, it might just happen.

I moved to Paris in 2012. Living in Paris is pretty cool. It _______________________ (be) quite difficult, because I couldn’t speak the language but I _______________________ (get used to) it now. When I first came here, I _______________________ (never visit) Paris before, but my girlfriend _______________________ (tell) me a lot about it, so I was kind of prepared. I _______________________ (also go) to France quite a lot as a child on holiday. But when I first _______________________ (arrive) it was quite hard because I _______________________ (not speak) much French. I _______________________ (take) some French lessons at school when I was a kid but I don’t remember learning much. In fact most of the time those French lessons were a bit of a doss. So, when I first arrived I couldn’t really communicate, which was not very helpful. It was usually okay because I could get by, but I remember once I _______________________ (walk) down the street and this guy _______________________ (come) up to me and _______________________ (start) talking, but I couldn’t understand him, and he _______________________ (get) angrier and angrier and _______________________ (start) following me down the street. It was a bit scary and weird, and I wish I could have understood him and told him to piss off or whatever.

These days things are much easier, and Paris is an amazing place to live in. I _______________________ (see and do) quite a lot of stuff here. I _______________________(go )up the Eiffel Tower. I _______________________ (visit) Notre Dame. I _______________________(go) to Shakespeare and Company the bookshop. I _______________________ (try) lots of delicious French wine. It’s great.

Check the top of the page for the answers.

174. How to Learn English with Luke’s English Podcast

This episode contains lots of ideas, advice and suggestions for ways of improving your listening, reading, writing and speaking using Luke’s English Podcast. A transcript is available below. ;)

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This should be a useful episode. I’m going to go through a whole bunch of ways that you can improve your English with Luke’s English Podcast. You’ll find a list of these points on my website. I’m going to expand on them here.

I’ll be talking about key areas: listening, reading, writing, speaking, grammar, vocabulary, pronunciation and discourse. Much of what I’m saying is written on my website. Just find the episode called “How to Learn English with Luke’s English Podcast”. I’ve written a lot of this down because it contains lots of specific bits of information which I wanted to make sure I included. I try not to do too many episodes in which I read things to you. I promise that the next one will be unscripted. Anyway, I’ll do my best to make this sound as natural as possible, which is an art in itself. Actually, you could use this script to help you practise your pronunciation, you could record yourself reading this too, and compare it to my version. What are the differences in your version and mine? What can you learn from that? Record yourself doing it again, and compare that to your first attempt. It’s bound to sound a lot better. In fact, I guarantee that you’ll sound more natural and convincing with each attempt. More on that later.

For now, here is a list of tips and advice for learning English with LEP. ;)

Just listen
First of all, you don’t really have to do much more than just listen to the episodes. I realised some time ago that a lot of the students of English that I met at school in London did not listen to enough authentic English. They were willing to spend money and travel across the world in order to improve their English, and yet most of them, for some reason, were not prepared to take a bit of time every day to listen to something in English. Why? I think partly this is because they didn’t know what to listen to. A lot of people watch TV and movies in English. Fine. But honestly, that might not be the best way to improve your English. Film is very visual. A lot of what you understand from a movie is the visual storytelling. It’s important to just focus on the audio – on the language. So, a lot of students didn’t know what to listen to. They thought that they didn’t have much choice. Actually, there’s plenty of choice out there. The BBC has plenty of podcasts, there are loads of podcasts on different topics on iTunes – but they’re all made for native speakers. They’re too difficult to listen to, and ultimately, that’s not motivating. There are some podcasts out there which are made for learners of English, but a lot of them are just focused on language learning, at the expense of entertainment. They’re useful, but they’re a bit dull. This is less the case now, because 5 years after starting this podcast, there are more interesting things out there for learners of English, including my podcast. So I decided that I’d try and create something for learners of English to listen to that they would actually want to listen to, beyond just learning English. Ultimately, I think to listen to English for extended periods of time, you have to have an interest in what is being talked about, or you have to find it entertaining. Otherwise, it’s hard to really sustain your concentration and it becomes like a chore. There is real value in listening to English for extended periods of time, but it’s difficult to achieve because you get put off by not understanding things, or because the recording is a bit patronising and dull. I don’t want to blow my own trumpet here too much, because I’m sure that my podcast is not always as entertaining or as engaging as it could be, but I think the only way to get people to keep listening, is to try and make it entertaining as well as informative about English. So, I record this podcast with you in mind, but I try to keep it as authentic as possible. I try to avoid being simplistic. I try not to grade my English too much. I know it might be challenging for you sometimes but I attempt to hold your attention by talking in an enthusiastic way about subjects which I personally find interesting. Hopefully, the result is that you keep listening, and that you feel personally involved in it somehow. Then, by exposing yourself to lots of English in this way, you are able to acquire the language – to pick it up, in a variety of ways.

Stephen Krashen & Language Acquisition Theory
Let me now refer to the language acquisition theory of Stephen Krashen. This theory is very well known among language learning theorists, and it underpins a lot of what we know about learning and teaching English. Krashen believed that there are two ways to develop our language learning skills. One is through language acquisition and the other is through language learning. Language acquisition means that it is possible for adults and children to learn language in a subconscious way – meaning, in a kind of passive way – by simply engaging with the language. The important thing is that you focus on the message in a bit of language. So, when listening to Luke’s English Podcast this means focusing exactly  on what I really mean, rather than just on the specific items of language I’m using. The primary focus is to just understand what I mean (hopefully at a fairly deep level – in order to laugh at something I’ve said, or feel moved by it) and then you kind of ‘pick up’ the language as a result of that. You might not be immediately aware that you’ve learned some new language in this way. In fact, this kind of acquisition probably informs your passive knowledge of the language. According to Krashen, another type of language development is language learning. This is when you focus on learning specific forms  – like studying grammar rules for example. It involves having some instruction by a teacher, perhaps in the form of error correction, or from a grammar book which explains the ‘rules of English’. The downside of this kind of learning is that it is rather dogmatic, can be boring, complex and abstract. It doesn’t necessarily replicate the organic way in which we pick up language as children, and doesn’t quite allow the subconscious acquisition of language that occurs from just engaging with the language in order to understand a message being communicated.

Alright, so how does this apply to the way you can learn English? Well, I think it’s pretty important to get both aspects of language learning into your life. This is what I call “having a balanced diet”. You shouldn’t just study the grammar rules in a dogmatic way, although that is undeniably important. You should also attempt to just engage with the language as it is used in natural, authentic and meaningful situations. How can you do that? Ideally, this would mean going out into the world and doing things in English. In fact, this might be the best way to improve your English. If you get a job that requires you to use English all day you will improve quickly. It’ll be really hard, but you’d be forced to improve. That’s like a boot camp for language acquisition because you’re not really studying the language, you’re just attempting to survive in it. You’re really focusing on the communicative acts you are trying to achieve. You’re really focusing on meaningful messages, and you naturally learn the most direct and effective way to understand and communicate meaningful messages. You might not be able to do that in your life. You might not have access to native speakers in that way. So, my podcast can be a substitute. It’s not really the same as attempting to work in an English speaking environment, but the key point is that you can replicate aspects of that experience by just attempting to follow/keep up with what I’m saying, and do that regularly, over long periods of time, and you’ll pick up massive amounts of English.

So, just listen, try to follow everything I’m saying, try to enjoy it and engage with it, listen regularly, listen for extended periods. This will all contribute to your acquisition of English, as described by Stephen Krashen.

That’s language acquisition, but you can also do more traditional language learning alongside Luke’s English Podcast. First of all, outside of listening to the episodes, you can do your formalised language studying from a book or in class, and use LEP as a companion to that. Study the language, and then try to notice aspects of the language that you’ve studied in episodes of the podcast. For example, if you’ve studied verb tenses, you can listen to a story I’ve told on the podcast and try to notice those verb tenses, how I’m using them, how I’m pronouncing them, and so on. It can back up, confirm or clarify the language study you’ve been doing. You should always refer to authentic language usage as a way of checking language that you’ve studied.

Also, you can study the things I say in the podcast more directly. The podcast can be a study tool. Here are some ways you can do some active language study with the podcast:

Use transcripts
You could read a transcript and check new words in a dictionary as you find them. Pay attention to the way I use the words, including the grammatical context, collocations between words and pronunciation. Any new words or structures you find, make a note of them and practise using them yourself.

You could attempt to write your own transcripts. This reveals a great deal about the gap between the English you know, and the English that I use in the podcast.  Try transcribing a section of one episode. You could do an episode that has already been transcribed. Listen carefully to it, and try to write down every single word. There may be certain utterances that you just can’t identify. Mark them with question marks. Listen again and again. You could just focus on a specific 5 minute section of an episode. Keep listening until you’ve done your best. Now check the proper transcript for that section and compare it to what you wrote. What are the differences? Now you can identify the gap between what you understand, and what I said. Try to close that gap. Check the words you didn’t know. Identify why you missed the pronunciation of something. Think about how I say these words and phrases, and their definitions. Then you can start working them into your English when you speak. We’ll look at ways of developing your speaking in a few minutes.

A note on transcripts. You may be aware that a lot of my episodes have transcripts, which can really help you to study the language (although you shouldn’t read them all the time). But you can also contribute transcriptions to my website. If you fancy transcribing a few minutes of an episode, please send it to me and I’ll be able to correct it and publish it on my website. I have a transcript collaboration going on using Google documents. You might already know about this because I did an episode on that subject a couple of months ago. You can go to my website and click “transcripts” to find out more. Basically, writing transcripts of my episodes is not only a great way to use the podcast to improve your English, it also helps me to provide an even better service to my listeners.

So, Luke’s English Podcast is best consumed as part of a balanced diet. Listen freely and just try to enjoy and understand what I’m saying, and let your mind naturally acquire the language, but also mix this with more formalised language study to get the full 360 degree effect.

You might think the formalised language study part of that is boring and time consuming. That’s fine. You don’t have to do any of that, but as a compromise, what you can do is just be mindful when you’re listening. Your first aim is to focus on the message, but you can also try to notice specific aspects of the language too. Try to identify words, phrases and grammatical structures. You don’t have to formally study them, just notice them as you hear them. Like “oh he’s saying depend on” so it must be “depend on” in English, not “depend of”. Things like that. Just be mindful when listening.

I record different types of episode here. My main aim is to engage you and keep you interested, while presenting English to you in an authentic way. In some episodes I try to draw your attention to the language more specifically. For example, I teach/explain/demonstrate vocabulary items referring to a topic, or bring your attention to an aspect of pronunciation. In those episodes, you can just chill out and follow what I’m saying, but you can be more active, and make notes of the vocabulary, try to remember phrases, listen again and pause the recording to test your memory.

Listen in comfort, and enjoy the experience. Krashen also writes about the affective filter hypothesis. This relates to the conditions in which learning takes place, and how these can have a big effect on the successful acquisition of language. Basically, good conditions for learning are: motivation (the listener really wants to hear what’s being said, and is keen to learn the language), high self-esteem and relaxation. These things allow the flow of acquisition to move freely, without being blocked. Mental blocks occur when the learner is stressed, anxious or feeling bad about themselves. This creates a mental block to the acquisition of language. I guess this relates to one of those situations in which you’re in an unhappy language class. You feel stressed because of pressure from the teacher or from the judgement of your classmates, you feel low self-confidence because you don’t get any positive reinforcement from taking part in a communicative exchange and you’re just not enjoying the experience of being there in the classroom. As a result, there is a kind of mental barrier which really prevents you learning anything. In fact, it might even make it worse because you associate learning English with painful or boring classroom situations. The advantage of Luke’s English Podcast is that the emphasis is on fun, a lot of the time. You have nothing to fear or worry about when you listen to this. In fact, it can be an extremely pleasurable experience. I’m not just bigging myself up here. I know what it’s like to listen to your favourite podcast. It’s quite a personal experience. I listen to Mark Kermode & Simon Mayo’s Film Review Podcast on my way to work, and I can’t begin to explain the joy of listening to it. They’re like my friends, and I’m sharing a really nice conversation with them. I listen to their voices in private, through headphones, while I’m sitting on a smelly underground train with miserable people all around me, but I’m in my comfort zone. In fact, sometimes I’m disappointed when I reach my metro station, because I just want to keep listening to the podcast. Hopefully, listening to Luke’s English Podcast is a similar experience for you. That’s certainly the idea. This should be a personal and enjoyable experience for you, and I invite you to just enjoy being part of the podcast community, and remember that all around the world there are other people like you, listening to me ramble on about stuff. There’s no chance of the affective filter giving you a mental block in this situation because you should be in your comfort zone. That’s the advantage of podcasting. You really can listen to this whenever and wherever you want, and you are free to get as comfortable as you please. As I’ve said before, feel free to listen to this in the bath, on the loo, or as you softly and slowly drift off to sleep at night. Of course, you can also listen at your desk, with a pen in your hand, or while typing, in order to make notes or write transcripts. You can also sit up and read transcripts. It’s up to you. The main thing is to just enjoy yourself and let the English go into your head. Just imagine that my voice is bouncing around inside your mind, and lots of the words, and sounds are sticking in there.

You should certainly listen to episodes more than once. In fact, if you’re interested in really learning English from this podcast, I think it’s vital to listen several times. Once is not enough. In fact, you might only scratch the surface if you listen just once. Listening again and again will allow you to get really familiar with what’s being said. You’ll notice and remember things that you didn’t catch the first time. Repetition is really important as a way of helping your brain notice patterns. After a couple of listens, you’ll remember certain phrases, bits of intonation or responses and they will be reinforced when you listen again. It might be asking too much of you, but you could even start to remember and repeat some of the things you’ve heard on Luke’s English Podcast. I don’t necessarily expect you to repeat everything I say, but perhaps you could memorise the lines of a comedy sketch that I present to you, and then repeat the lines to yourself or your friends, or just while you’re listening again. I’m a bit of a geek and I love Star Wars. When I was a kid I used to watch Star Wars on heavy rotation. I’d watch it again and again. Now I can remember all the lines from the film. In fact, I don’t just remember the lines, I remember the bits of music and sound effects too, as they occur in the film. It’s the same with Monty Python films and sketches. I’ve watched them so many times that I can repeat a lot of the script from memory, and in fact some phrases from those movies have found their way into my vocabulary. You can do that too, by listening to episodes more than once, and listening to some comedy sketches which I present to you many times. Soon I’ll be doing an episode about Monty Python. For some reason, Monty Python’s sketches are very memorable. In fact, there are several generations of people in the UK and America who grew up watching Monty Python films and who are able to recite whole sketches to each other. Again, you can do the same thing, realise that there are some terrifically funny things in English, and use that as a way to pick up language.

There are a number of different areas to focus on with English.
4 skills:
Listening
Reading
Writing
Speaking

Language systems:
Grammar
Vocabulary
Pronunciation
Discourse

Listening
I’ve already talked a lot about the benefit of just listening for fun, or listening in a more active way. I did mention that it’s good to be comfortable when listening. I should add too that I think it’s important to try and listen to things that you don’t completely understand. It’s fine to listen to things that you don’t understand completely, and the general opinion on this seems to be that you should push yourself when you listen, and don’t get put off if there are things you don’t understand. It’s in that challenging experience that your brain is really piecing things together. For example, if you struggled to understand my conversation with Daniel Burt, that’s fine – in fact, that struggle is good. Listen again, and keep trying. Don’t give up. Push through those moments when you don’t understand. Keep going. Don’t let confusion stop you.
Also, try to identify subtle differences between accents. You may only notice little differences at first, but eventually you’ll be more and more aware of the differences between accents. Eventually, you’ll be able to say “this guy is from the north of England”, “This one’s from Australia” or whatever.

Reading
Reading transcripts on my webpage.
Outside of the podcast – read a variety of texts. Again, try to find things that you enjoy. You should also be aware of your purpose for learning the language. What are you going to use English for in the future? You may need to read emails, or business reports. It may be worth reading articles that talk about business trends. Otherwise, just reading any well-written text for enjoyment is a really good way to improve your literacy. I must add a page on my website with recommendations for reading. There’s loads of reading you can do – blogs, newspapers but also books which you can download free online. I haven’t done it yet, but I’m planning to give you a list of some good things to read.

Writing
Again, this is not one of the things that I focus on a lot on Luke’s English Podcast. The focus is mainly on spoken English. However, transcribing podcast episodes can be good for your writing. You could also write your own blog which contains your opinions or your outlook on a topic. Feel free to write a response to episodes of my podcast in the comments section. You should aim to concisely express your opinion, in a structured way, using the most appropriate words you can find (perhaps including some words you’ve picked up from that episode of the podcast). Think about the person reading the comment – make it easy and enjoyable for them to read, and focus on stating very clearly and efficiently exactly what it is you want to say. Considering those ideas can help you to make your writing more effective.
If, however, you need to practise writing for the IELTS test, you will need to do more specifically focused writing practice, probably using an IELTS preparation book, or following an IELTS course of some kind. My podcast can help you with general skills (vocab, etc) but for specific kinds of writing work, you should do some specific writing practice. Practice practice practice. As I said before – to get the best out of Luke’s English Podcast, use it as part of a balanced diet.

Speaking
Perhaps the best way to improve your speaking is to actually practise it in real-life situations. The requirements of that situation will train you to say the right things at the right time, with the right tone. You should certainly be aware of how intonation is important in affecting a message. These are things you can learn from trying to enter into meaningful acts of communication and learning from your mistakes. You might also need a teacher to actively correct your errors. But, you can definitely use Luke’s English Podcast to improve your speaking too. Let’s look at some ways to do that:
Just try to take some aspects of my speech and apply it to your speech. You could just add some words or phrases you’ve heard from me, and use them yourself. Or you can pick up some speech patterns, pronunciation from me and add that to your speech too. If you like, you could use my speaking as a kind of model for your own speech.
More specifically, you could copy and repeat some of my sentences. Listen to a line I say, and then repeat it and try to sound exactly like me. You could listen to phrasal verb episodes, and whenever I present an example sentence, pause the episode and repeat it after me. Keep doing that until you feel you’re version is pretty similar to mine. So, just listen and repeat until you’ve worked out how to make the same sounds as me. Think about vowel & consonant sounds, combinations of consonants and how to make those sounds with your mouth, think about connected speech – what happens when words are pronounced fluently together in a sentence – they might get pronounced differently, certain sounds may be dropped when words are linked, and some sounds may be added when words are linked too. Pay attention to these aspects of pronunciation. I should do a whole episode on connected speech, and it’s one I’ve had in the back of my mind for ages.
Pick an extract from the podcast, with transcript, and record yourself saying it. Compare your version with my version. Then, work on the transcript. Underline the stressed words, add lines to represent pauses for emphasis, identify word links in pronunciation. Listen to me saying that extract again, and check your ‘sound scripted’ transcript. Now record yourself doing it again, this time adding the intonation, pausing and sentence stress. Compare that to the original. This can help you develop awareness, and control of speech patterns.
Record yourself just talking in response to one of my podcast episodes. If I’ve talked about UFOs for example (not yet, but I will!) then you could record yourself talking about UFOs too. Try to include any words I’ve presented to you on that topic. If you like you could leave an audio comment on my Audioboo page, and let the world know how you feel about something.
Or, you could start doing your own podcast, like Zdenek from Zdenek’s English Podcast. He’s not a native speaker, but following a suggestion in one of my episodes he decided to do his own podcast. He now has followers and listeners and he’s really into it. Listening to his episodes I get the sense that his confidence is developing and he’s finding his own voice. It must be very good for his English (which, of course, is already excellent). You could do it too if you want.
The main thing is practice. Use as many opportunities to practise as you can. Join clubs to meet English speakers. Use the internet. Find groups on Meetup.com in which people are doing language exchanges. Put yourself outside your comfort zone. Don’t be shy, give it a try. Take the initiative. No-one can do the speaking for you. There’s no shame in making mistakes. You have to be in it to win it, so open your mouth and get talking. Remember that English is about what you can do, not just about what you know. Be active, find your voice in English. If you’re in a classroom – don’t be one of those quiet students. It’s completely up to you to start talking, and why not do it in the safety of a language class. That’s the whole point! Speak up in class and use that as a safe place to experiment and make mistakes. Experiment! Switch off your editor! Don’t listen to the voice in your head which is telling you to keep quiet, or telling you that you can’t say something because it might be wrong. It does not matter if you’re wrong. Remember that you have to say something wrong about 5 times before you get it right. Get through those 5 times nice and quick, and then you’ll be fine! Sometimes, opening your mouth is the hardest thing to do, but once you’ve started speaking it gets easier. Keep up the momentum. Keep your voice warm. Stay positive, enjoy expressing yourself. Your teacher will love it if you are an active member of class. In fact, you need to prove to your teacher that you’re making an effort. We always like those talkative and positive students. Use that to your advantage – you’ll be more likely to get good grades, and get levelled up. Be nice, be friendly, be talkative. But also listen to others and help them too. That’s a recipe for success for any language learner!
Actually, I just sent Zdenek a message and asked him for his comments on the subject of using LEP to improve your English (particularly speaking) and here are his comments, which I agree with wholeheartedly. In fact, before I read his comments it may be necessary to remind you that Zdenek is a well-qualified teacher of English from the Czech Republic who lived in the UK for a number of years and who has got a master’s degree in English Language. So, he definitely knows what he’s talking about. I’m sure many of you listening to this have similarly good advice and comments on this subject. I am very keen to encourage you to share that information – you can leave text or audio comments under this episode. So here are Zdenek’s comments:
How can listening to LEP improve your speaking skills? It can mainly improve the following skills/subskills:
1) listening (obvious)
2) reading, spelling (reading scripts, additional notes)
3) writing, spelling (script, feedback or thanksgiving emails to Luke),
4) grammar (listening to grammar patterns as part of exposure theory)
5) vocabulary (learning new vocab also guided by the exposure theory),
6) pronunciation (passive listening)
As for the speaking, it is a different question. If you want to improve your speaking through LEP, you have to approach this actively. Not everyone is willing to do this. Some people tend to be shy, have approach anxiety etc…and prefer listening to the podcast as passive recipients. That is fine. However, here are some suggestions on how you can actually improve even your speaking skills.
1) Contact someone via LEP community. There are a lot of interesting people eager to learn English from all around the world. Contact those who have a similar level as you – this way you can both benefit and learn from each other and no one will get bored. Ideally, have an interest in common (sci-fi films, sport, you already have one important topic in common = LEP)…try to befriend these people, add them on facebook, start skype conversations with them or something.
2) Record yourself speaking about a topic. Ask yourself questions related to LEP. Answer these questions or just practice vocabulary Luke teaches you. Listen back to yourself. Try correcting your errors. Re-record. Compare your recordings you made some time later to see your improvements.
3) Record comments in Audioboo (max 3 minutes) –why is everyone so shy? Is everyone afraid that they will be judged? Who cares? Just be friendly and you should be accepted by the community. Luke is a teacher. He deals with mistakes every day. We all make mistakes. Never be afraid to make mistakes. A man who never made mistakes, never made anything. Are you afraid to take on a challenge and face our greatest fear – public humiliation? Well don’t be! If we fight it actively without fear, we can significantly improve our speaking skills this way.
[I just want to add a couple of points here about making a fool of yourself, my experience of speaking French, and of fear of public speaking]
4) Try running your own podcast. Most of you can do it. Again it is only about facing your fears of making mistakes and exposing yourself to the public. This podcast can be just for you and your friends. I make loads of mistakes in my podcast and I am a teacher. I feel ashamed; I have to edit them out. But if you are not teachers, why worry? And even as teachers? You shouldn’t worry.
5) You can always speak to yourself in the mirror and go crazy. Become the next Hamlet. Speaking is not about passivity so move your arse and find some interaction
Note: By following these tips, you will work on your English speaking skills, pronunciation (actively), grammar, vocab (you can focus on trying to use expressions Luke has taught you), listening skills (as you listen to your friends talking for example). There are so many benefits to active speaking practice.

Thank you Zdenek. As I said before, I welcome your comments too. Let’s share our thoughts on this subject together. It’s time for my LEP ninjas to come out of the shadows and deliver some powerful advice! LEP NINJAS – ASSEMBLE!!!

Regarding language systems, I have some things to say about grammar, vocabulary, pronunciation and ‘discourse’.
To be honest, I’ve already spoken enough about grammar & vocab. Let me just remind you of the theory of ‘exposure’. I have talked about this before. The idea is that by listening to lots of English over extended periods, you’re feeding your subconscious with all the patterns of English usage. Your brain is hearing all these patterns of English, including frequent word combinations (like prepositions), tenses, features of pronunciation etc. Ultimately, it all goes into your head, and informs your sense of instinct for the language, so that when you come to do a test in English, you feel the answer. You know that this particular preposition goes with this particular verb, just because you’ve heard it a number of times before and so it feels natural. Feed your head with English. Feel the English rather than knowing it. Use the force young jedi, and remember, the force will be with you… always. Oh, and don’t forget – you’re never too old for this. Language study is a great way to keep your mind fresh and supple. My grandfather is over 90 years old and he’s still really sharp. Perhaps this is because he’s still going to French and Spanish classes on a regular basis.

Regarding pronunciation – a lot of the tips you’ve been given here will help with that. But, I just want to add that improving your listening skills will naturally improve your pronunciation skills too. The two things go hand in hand. The more you’re able to understand natural spoken English, the more you are able to decode the sounds used to make it. Understanding this natural sound code can allow you to start using it too. There is a direct connection between listening and pronunciation, but to fully reap the benefits, you need to need to actively practise pronunciation. The methods I’ve mentioned already in this episode – repeating, recording, re-recording, comparing, speaking in front of the mirror, etc – they’re all good approaches to practising and improving your pronunciation. Don’t be shy, give it a try. You’ve got nothing to lose, just things to gain. Go for it!

As for discourse, this is really about how you structure your speaking. How do you link your ideas up? When you listen, try to notice any specific phrases I use to link my ideas together, move from one topic to another, deal with moments when I don’t know what I’m saying and so on. What are the tools I use to perform certain functions. Can you identify these things and take them on yourself? Try talking about a topic for 5 minutes. See how difficult it is to talk on your feet. Do it again and again until you develop methods of thinking and talking at the same time. Listen to discussions and focus on the ways in which people interrupt, agree, disagree or whatever. Think about the way we use the language to be polite or indirect. How is humour added to what we say? How does intonation affect the hidden meaning behind our words? Explore these ideas when you listen, and then test them out in your speaking.

That’s it for this episode. I hope you have found it motivating, and inspiring. Leave your comments, and I wish you all the very best of luck keeping up your English. I’m sure you’re doing great. Well you must be, because you’re already listening to Luke’s English Podcast – and long may it continue.

BYE!

173. The Curse of The Lambton Worm (Short Story)

Listen to a disturbing story from English folklore about a horrendous and mysterious worm.

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Introduction
The Lambton Worm is a legend from the north east of England in the UK. The story takes place around the River Wear, in the town of Lambton and at Penshaw Hill which is between Durham and Sunderland in the north east of England. It is one of the area’s most famous pieces of folklore, having been adapted from written and oral tradition into pantomime and song formats, which are still performed to this day. I’m going to keep up that tradition here on Luke’s English Podcast by telling you my version of the story.

The tale is about a man called John Lambton, who was the heir to the Lambton Estate in County Durham, and his battle with a giant worm (dragon) that had been terrorising the local villages. As with most myths, details of the story change with each telling. I’m not from that part of England, but I love this story because I remember reading about it in a book of monsters that my brother used to have when we were kids. Remember before I told you about a ghost book that I used to own when I was a kid? Well, my brother had a similar book, from the same series, and it was all about monsters. I was fascinated by these books (Click this link to read some pages of those books!) So was my brother. I remember there was a picture of John Lambton fighting the worm, and a brief account of the story. It was fascinating, horrific and exciting for me as a kid, and the memory of the story has stayed with me. There’s just something about an old scary story that really excites me. I think this one must be a good one because it has endured for hundreds of years. It dates back to the time of the crusades, so about 1,000 years ago – medieval times. If a story survives that long, being told over and over again and being handed down through the generations, it must mean there must be something in it which interests people.

This is a local legend from country Durham and I expect it’s a strong part of their local culture. There’s an old folk song which tells the story, and it is still sung in old pubs by beer-drinking men with beards and acoustic guitars. I love those old folk songs. It’s proper traditional culture, as performed and told by real local people. I’m not from that part of the country, I’m from the midlands, and the south, but the story means something to me because of the connection I have with it from childhood. Also, I just think that you might like to hear it.

I’m going to tell you the story in my own way. It’s normal for folk tales like this to be changed by the storyteller, and there is no official version of the story – just a general outline. The details get adapted and improvised by each storyteller. So, I’m going to give you my version, which means that I will stick to the main elements of the story, but yes, as usual I will be improvising a lot of other details too. The challenge for me is to try and make it engaging, and entertaining and understandable for you. As well as practising your English, we can also consider what makes a good story. I think it’s about the passion of the storyteller, and the attention to certain details. Your challenge is to follow the story, and perhaps learn it well enough to be able to tell your friends, if you fancy that. Just remember to mention that the roots of this story are in the folklore of the county Durham area, in the North of England. It’s important to remember that this is a bit of local culture. If you’re from that area, and you’re  listening to this – I hope you don’t mind my version of the story, and realise that, really, I love this story too and I’m just adapting it a little bit for the purpose of letting people practise their English listening.

lambton worm pic

Illustration by John Dickson Batten from More English Fairy Tales.

The Main Elements of the Story
Note that I use past tenses to tell my story (past simple, past perfect & past continuous) but below the story is presented using present tenses.
John Lambton is the heir to the Lambton Estate – so he’s a young member of the gentry. A landowner from a fairly rich and well known family in the area.
He’s a rebellious character.
He skips church and he skips school.
He doesn’t care. He just loves fishing. He disrespects his parents.
He skips church one Sunday, and goes fishing.
He meets an old man – an old hermit, who tells him that no good will come of skipping church. He ignores the old man, and yet it puts him in a bit of a bad mood.
He catches nothing all morning.
Then, as the church bells are ringing for the end of service, he gets a bite on his line.
It’s a powerful bite and he has to wrestle hard to bring in the catch. The water crashes around and gets deeply churned up. He fights hard and brings in his catch.
It’s a truly disgusting and horrifying catch.
It’s a slimy and wriggly black worm. It’s dripping slime, it’s writhing and snapping, and it stinks.
He brings it to rest on the soil. It sits there breathing, completely malevolent. It has 9 holes down the side of its mouth, and John can’t really make sense of its other features. It’s really weird, and makes him feel sick.
He pukes, quite hard. What the hell is this thing?
He takes another look at it, and it opens its eye. It’s yellow and red, and it seems to look right into his soul.
This is a life-changing moment, although he doesn’t realise it.
At that moment, the old man reappears, and says with some certainty that he senses the work of the devil, and that Lambton is now responsible for this worm.
Lambton can’t throw it back, so he quickly puts it in his basket, to carry it home.
On the way back, the basket is so heavy and the worm keeps thrashing around inside it, and hissing. Even when it’s still, the basket seems impossible to carry. It’s so heavy, but also, he feels miserable. The good mood he was in at the beginning of the day has been replaced by a very grim feeling of depression. It’s like he’s suddenly aware of all the time he has wasted, and how everything seems quite hopeless, including his family  life.
He can’t take it any more, and feeling desperate, he chucks the worm into a nearby well. The worm struggles quite a lot, but down it goes. Lambton waits to hear the worm hit the bottom, and it does, after a pause, with a splash.
He quickly goes home.
Feeling guilty, and more aware of his responsibilities, he decides to join the army in order to fight in the crusades, as much out of guilt as duty to his family and the church.
He goes to Palestine to fight in the crusades. He’s away for 7 hard years in which he sees many things, makes many friends and sees many friends die in battle. He becomes a man.
Meanwhile, back at home, the worm is still alive in the well. The well becomes infected, and causes anyone who drinks from it to become violently ill, and die, with horrible symptoms.
The worm grows inside the well, and after it has reached a massive size, one moonlit night, it slides out from the well, and it’s massive. It wraps itself around the local Penshaw Hill – several times, and lies there waiting, warming itself in the morning sun. It’s a hideous and vicious creature. It has small legs, with claws on the end, which it uses to scrape and scratch the earth. It is incredibly long, and it slithers like a snake. It’s covered in smooth yet tough scales. Around its head it has a mane of rubbery spikes. The 9 holes that run along the side of its face, under its jaw, ooze a nasty black slime which burns the grass and sends an evil black smoke into the air. It coughs up the bones and remains of the bodies it has eaten, leaving this foul waste on the ground wherever it rests. Its eyes are yellow and deep, and malevolent. It has rows of razor sharp teeth like a shark’s except that they’re black and yellow, and his eyes, like that of a shark, roll back into its head when he takes a bite, leaving him looking white-eyed and blind during its moments of feeding frenzy.
It attacks a local farmer, squeezing him to death after he tries to fight it with his pitchfork. It then eats all his cattle, and his dead body, before returning to the hill.
It then terrorises the area, eating cattle and sheep, and wild animals.
The countryside becomes deathly silent, as it is all scared or killed by the worm. It’s a foul and sickening presence which seems to poison the earth wherever it goes.
Its confidence grows and it enters town.
The town mayor, as an attempt to distract it, empties all the milk supplies from the market into a trough in front of the town hall. The worm eats it all, and returns to the hill, where it sleeps.
The best men of the town get together a fighting force and arm themselves with the best weaponry they can find, and go to attack the worm, but it’s in vain as the worm is very strong and ruthless. Whenever anyone manages to slice the worm, the pieces, shuddering, just grow back together again. The worm seems indestructible.
For the next 7 years, the town gives the worm almost all of its supplies of milk in order to satisfy it. The worm grows bigger, and the town gets more and more exploited, until people are starving to death, and all life is sucked out of the place. When no milk is provided, the worm angrily attacks the residents, killing and eating men, women and children.
John Lambton returns from the crusades a scarred man, but a man nonetheless. He has learned how to fight, and he carries a sword and a suit of armour.
He sees the state of the town, and learns about the worm from his father.
He realises it is the same worm that he discarded all those years ago, and immediately realises that he is responsible for the curse and must fight the worm himself.
He visits a local wise woman for advice. She tells him that the worm has cursed him, his family and the town, and that only he can kill it.
She tells him to visit the blacksmith, and to have spikes and blades fitted to his armour, and that he must  lure the worm into the river Wear before doing battle.
She also tells him that to lift the curse, after killing the worm, he must kill the next living thing that he sees.
Lambton gets his special suit of armour made, and arranges with his father that when he has killed the worm, he will blow a note on his hunting horn as a signal that he has won and that the father must release Lambton’s favourite hunting hound. The hound will run straight  to him and Lambton will kill it, lifting the curse.
He heads towards the hill and finds the worm.
The worm recognises him and uncoils itself from the hill, hissing, puking black bile and generally being hideous.
Lambton realises how difficult this will be because this worm is really big and strong looking. The worm approaches and he backs away.
He walks backwards towards the river, the worm steadily moving nearer and nearer, flanking him. Lambton gets very tired just walking in the armour – which is extra-heavy because of the fittings.
Eventually, he enters the water, which is cold.
The worm slides down the bank and raises itself up to strike.
They fight and whenever the worm attempts to coil itself around Lambton, it gets sliced up on the blades and spikes.
Lambton is so tired that all he can do is just try not to be washed away by the current. He hacks at the worm and struggles to breath. The fumes from the worm are poisonous. Each time parts of the worm are hacked off, they are washed away, and eventually, just a section of the worm is left and Lambton hacks off its head. The pieces can’t join back together and the worm is no more.
Lambton blows a note on his horn, but his father is so happy to hear it that he forgets to release the hound and instead he runs to see John. Lambton sees him , and is dismayed. he can’t bring himself to kill his father, and so the go back to the house and he kills his hound.
The wise woman appears and tells him that despite killing the worm, he failed to lift the curse and that for 9 generations, the Lambtons will not die in their beds.
injured and sick, Lambton collapses.
That’s the end of the story.

What does this all mean? You tell me.

This curse seems to have held true for at least three generations, possibly helping to contribute to the popularity of the story.
1st generation: Robert Lambton, drowned at Newrig.
2nd: Sir William Lambton, a Colonel of Foot, killed at Marston Moor.
3rd: William Lambton, died in battle at Wakefield.
9th: Henry Lambton, died in his carriage crossing Lambton Bridge on 26 June 1761.
(General Lambton, Henry Lambton’s brother, is said to have kept a horse whip by his bedside to ward off violent assaults. He died in his bed at an old age.)

The Old Folk Song
Here is Tony Wilson singing the folk song in the local dialect
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XsO7SeCvgMw&w=500&h=375]
Song Lyrics
Here are the lyrics with some meanings added too. Remember, this is sung in an old dialect. Not many people actually speak in this dialect any more, although there is a distinct accent from that region.

One Sunda morn young Lambton went
A-fishing in the Wear;
An’ catched a fish upon he’s heuk (=caught) (=his hook)
He thowt leuk’t vary queer. (=thought looked very strange)
But whatt’n a kind ov fish it was (=what kind of)
Young Lambton cudden’t tell-
He waddn’t fash te carry’d hyem, (=could not be bothered to carry it home)
So he hoyed it doon a well (=threw it down)
Chorus
Whisht! lads, haad yor gobs, (=Be quiet, boys, shut your mouths)
An’ aa’ll tell ye aall an aaful story, (=I’ll tell you all an awful)
Whisht! lads, haad yor gobs,
An’ Aa’ll tel ye ‘boot the worm. (=about)
Noo Lambton felt inclined te gan (=go)
An’ fight i’ foreign wars.
He joined a troop ov Knights that cared
For nowther woonds nor scars, (=neither wounds)
An’ off he went te Palestine
Where queer things him befel,
An varry seun forgat aboot (=very soon forgot about)
The queer worm i’ tha well.
But the worm got fat an’ grewed an’ grewed,
An’ grewed an aaful size;
He’d greet big teeth, a greet big gob,
An greet big goggly eyes.
An’ when at neets he craaled aboot (=nights) (=crawled around)
Te pick up bits o’ news,
If he felt dry upon the road,
He’d milk a dozen coos. (=cows)
This feorful worm would often feed (=fearful)
On caalves an’ lambs an’ sheep,
An’ swally little bairns alive (=swallow) (=children)
When they laid doon te sleep.
An when he’d eaten aall he cud (=all he could)
An’ he had had he’s fill,
He craaled away an’ lapped he’s tail (=wrapped)
Ten times roond Pensha Hill.
The news ov this myest aaful worm (=most)
An’ his queer gannins on (=goings-on)
Seun crossed the seas, gat te the ears (=soon) (=got to)
Ov brave an’ bowld Sor John.
So hyem he cam an’ catched the beast, (=home he came and caught)
An’ cut ‘im in twe haalves, (=cut him in two-halves)
An’ that seun stopped hes eatin’ bairns
An’ sheep an’ lambs an’ caalves.
So noo ye knaa hoo aall the foaks (=now you know how all the folk)
On byeth sides ov the Wear (=both)
Lost lots o’ sheep an’ lots o’ sleep
An leeved i’ mortal feor. (=And lived in mortal fear)
So let’s hev one te brave Sor John (=let’s drink to brave Sir John)
That kept the bairns frae harm, (=from)
Saved coos an’ calves by myekin’ haalves (=making halves)
O’ the famis Lambton Worm. (=famous)

172. British Comedy: Peter Cook & Dudley Moore

Listen to two comedy sketches from the 1960s, learn some popular cultural history, pick up some vocabulary and hear some posh English accents.

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I highly recommend that you purchase this BBC DVD of The Best of Peter Cook & Dudley Moore. It’s really funny!

Introduction (with transcript)

Hello everyone, welcome to the podcast.
In this episode we’re going to listen to a sketch from a comedy show called “Not only.. but also”, which was first broadcast on the BBC back in the sixties, when TV was in black and white and there were only 3 channels.

I’d love to tell you all about this show, and the people who made it. Peter Cook and Dudley Moore are basically the fathers of modern British TV comedy. I’d love to tell you all about how before Monty Python even existed, Peter Cook & Dudley Moore were doing surreal, satirical and anti-establishment comedy on BBC TV, and getting huge audience ratings, and inspiring generations of people. I’d also love to tell you more about the history of British comedy, because for some reason it’s very important to me. It’s one of my favourite subjects. It just feels significant, and I want to share it with you. Listening to these things is good for your English, but ultimately the reward is even greater than that – you can enjoy listening to something that’s a little bit special. But I also realise that you might not have the same level of slightly fanatical interest in the history of comedy, as I do. I could bang on about some comedians from the 1960s, but you might think “this is interesting Luke, but let’s just listen to some of their work shall we?” So, I’ve decided to just skip through all the stuff about the history of comedy and go straight to a couple of sketches, tell you about them, help you to understand them, and then later in this episode I’ll give you a little history lesson on Peter Cook and Dudley Moore, and their place in the history of pop culture, and then not only will you be able to enjoy their comedy, but you’ll learn more about British cultural history.

So, let’s focus on the sketch. I’m just going to explain the context for you and then you can listen to it, and see if you get what’s going on.

First sketch: Peter Cook & Dudley Moore “A bit of a chat” aka “The facts of life”
In this scene you’ll hear a father talking to his son about a slightly sensitive topic. The scene was written and filmed in the early sixties, probably 1964.

First, just listen (there is a script below, but try listening without it first)
Just listen to this and try and work out what is going on. Then I’ll explain things, and you can hear it again. There’s a script available for this sketch on my webpage.
As you listen you should try to work out what’s happening here. Why is this such a strange conversation? And why is the audience laughing? You might need to “read between the lines” which means look beyond what is just being said in order to discover the hidden meanings or suggestions at work.

How much of that did you understand? Did you get the humorous aspects of it? Let me explain the context, and the main points of the sketch.

*Sketch starts – “A Bit of a Chat”*
(See below for the script)

What happened?

Context
What do you know about Father/Son relationships in the UK in the 1950s & 60s?
They were more formal, especially among upper-class or upper-middle class families. Sons would call their father ‘sir’. They’d be very respectful, as if talking to someone of much higher status. They probably didn’t spend a lot of time together. These days, fathers and sons from normal middle-class families are quite close. They share quite a lot, and are able to talk quite openly about sensitive subjects like relationships or sex education. It might be embarrassing for the boy, but basically, the father feels quite comfortable doing it, and it’s normal and accepted. Back in the 50s or 60s, it wasn’t exactly the same. I suppose British men were less ‘in touch with their feelings’ and found it very awkward to discuss sensitive personal topics openly. Instead they may have dealt with them in the same formalised and distant way as they would talk about other topics. Also, we wonder how much most people really knew about sexual education in those days. Back in the 1950s or early 60s, before the era of sexual liberation, I think that a lot of people were completely in the dark about reproduction and all that kind of thing.
How about now? Are people more comfortable when talking about topics such as reproduction and sex?
Not completely, but certainly more so than 50 years ago.

The Class System & Boarding Schools
A little bit about the class system – particularly the upper class.
Nowardays, most people are middle class. In fact, many people believe that we don’t have a formalised class system these days. 50 years ago, the UK was more divided by class. Lower class (working class), middle class and upper class. Let’s look at traditional upper class culture. The upper class, or upper middle classes were considered to be:
Wealthy, educated, respectable and quite formal. Not liberated sexually, but bound by polite & formal social conventions. They would have been quite prudish about sex, finding it very embarrassing to talk about the subject. Many of the men would have been educated in exclusive, single sex boarding schools, which by all accounts would have been pretty cold, very formal and quite brutal. The boys never mixed with girls and grew up to be pretty clueless about sex. Kids and their parents didn’t spend a lot of time together, because of the boarding schools, and a father was more like a master than a friendly Dad.

Vocabulary
It seems that very posh people, from this period, often don’t really say exactly what they mean. They might make something sound more trivial than it actually is. For example “I had to give someone rather a ticking off” = means “I quite forcefully reprimanded someone for doing something wrong”
rugger – rugby
grubby – dirty / muddy
having a crafty smoke – secretly having a cigarette
give someone rather a ticking off – telling someone off
it’s a filthy habit – it’s a dirty habit
to cope with someone – to deal with someone
to get up to something – to do something (naughty)

Remember – it’s all about reading between the lines. What’s really going on? What really happened?

What does each line of dialogue really mean. E.g. the line about “there’s a cup of tea in here if you’d like one” means – come and sit down because I need to talk to you. The lad doesn’t want to, because, well, it’s probably awkward to talk to the old man, and this sounds like it could be serious.

Let’s listen to it again now, and consider each line, what is going on, and what is funny.

Second Listen

Questions
What does the Father want to talk about?
Why does the Father feel he has to talk about this?
What does the Father mean by “The opposite number?”
Why does the Father talk about sitting on a chair, etc?
Who is Uncle Bertie?
What is Uncle Bertie’s relationship with the boy’s mother?

A Bit Of A Chat (Script)
Roger, aged almost eighteen, arrives home from school, whistling: All Things Bright and Beautiful. His Father wants to have a bit of a chat with him about something. Just, a bit of a chat…
Father: Is that you, Roger?
Roger: Yes, father.
Father: There’s a cup of tea in here, boy, if you’d like one.
Roger: It’s very kind of you, sir, but I’ve just come in from rugger, and I’m a bit grubby. I think I ought to go and have a shower first, sir.
Father: Well pour me a cup, there’s a good chap, would you?
Roger: Certainly sir, yes, of course.
Father: Thank you. How was school today?
Roger: Oh, much as usual, thank you sir, but I caught someone having a crafty smoke behind the wooden building. I had to give him rather a ticking off — such a filthy habit, you know.
Father: It’s a filthy habit, Roger.
Roger: There we are, sir. Now, if you’ll excuse me.
Father: Roger.
Roger: Yes sir?
Father: Er — sit down. Roger, your mother and I were having a bit of a chat the other day, and she thought it might be a good idea if I was to have a bit of a chat with you.
Roger: Er… a bit of a chat, sir?
Father: A bit of a chat, yes, Roger, just…
Roger: Er…
Father: A bit of a chat.
Roger: What about, sir?
Father: Well, there’s nothing to be worried about, Roger, it’s just that, er, well, to be perfectly frank… how old are you?
Roger: Well, to be perfectly frank, sir, I’m coming up to eighteen.
Father: Coming up to eighteen…
Roger: Well, on the verge of…
Father: On the verge of eighteen… Yes, well, I thought it might be a good idea to have a bit of a chat now, because I remember, from my own experience, that it was when I was just, you know, coming up to eighteen…
Roger: On the verge…
Father: …on the verge of it, that I first began to take a serious interest in the – um – in the – er – opposite… the opposite… number. Now I don’t know, Roger, if you know anything about the method whereby you came to be brought about.
Roger: Well, sir, some of the boys at school say very filthy things about it, sir.
Father: This is what I was worried about, and this is why I thought I’d have a bit of a chat, and explain, absolutely frankly and openly, the method whereby you, and everybody in this world, came to be. Roger, in order for you to be brought about, it was necessary for your mother and I to do something. In particular, it was necessary for your mother… it was necessary for your mother – to sit on a chair. To sit on a chair which I had recently vacated, and which was still warm from my body. And then, something very mysterious, rather wonderful and beautiful happened. And sure enough, four years later you were born. There was nothing unhealthy about this, Roger, there’s nothing unnatural. It’s a beautiful thing in the right hands, and there’s no need to think less of your mother because of it. She had to do it – she did it – and here you are.
Roger: Well sir, it’s very kind of you to tell me. One thing, actually, slightly alarms me; um, I was sitting in this very chair yesterday sir, and I vacated it, and the cat sat on it while it was still warm. Should we have it destroyed?
Father: Its a lovely chair, Roger…
Roger: I mean the cat, sir.
Father: Destroy… oh, no Roger, you don’t understand. This thing of which I speak can only happen between two people who are married. And you’re not married.
Roger: Not yet, anyway sir.
Father: Not to the cat, in any case. Well, Roger, now that you have this knowledge about chairs and warmth, I hope – I hope you’ll use it wisely, and take no notice of your school friends, or what Uncle Bertie may say.
Roger: Dirty Uncle Bertie they call him.
Father: Dirty Uncle Bertie – and they’re right, Roger. Bertie’s a dirty, dirty man. He’s been living with us now for forty years, and it does seem a day too much… You know, if it hadn’t been for your mother, Roger, I don’t know where we would have been. She’s the only person who can really cope with Uncle Bertie, she’s the only one who can really deal with him. I don’t know if you realise this, Roger, but your mother even has to sleep in the same bed as Uncle Bertie, to prevent him getting up to anything in the night. If only there were more people like your mother, Roger.
Roger: Well, I’m very pleased that you’ve told me this, sir, because, as I say, I’m very glad I don’t have to believe all those filthy things that the boys at school say, and only yesterday, Uncle Bertie said to me…
Father: Take no notice of Uncle Bertie, Roger! He’s a sick, sick man, and we should feel sorry for him.
Roger: Well, I’ll try, sir… well.. thank you sir. Er – I wonder if I should take a cup of tea up to mother, while…
Father: I – er – I wouldn’t do that, Roger – she’s upstairs at the moment, coping with Uncle Bertie…
Roger: Poor Uncle Bertie…
Father: Poor Uncle Bertie…

And here’s the garden party sketch. It comes from another great BBC TV show called “The Fast Show”, which was Johnny Depp’s favourite British TV show.

The Psychiatrist Sketch (Script)

Braintree: Come in.
[Enter Roger.]
Hullo, Roger.
Roger: Hullo, Dr Braintree.
B: Hullo, come in.
R: I’m sorry I’m late.
B: That’s quite all right – how are you?
R: I’m very well, thank you.
B: Would you like to sit down, or would you prefer to lie.
R: Uhm, I’ll sit, thank you.
B: Right, well, sit down. Tell me, how are you in yourself?
R: I’m feeling just great.
B: Oh, this is terrific.
R: Yes, and it’s more than I expected from our sessions. You know, if anyone had told me that talking to psychiatrists could have help me at all, I would have laughed in their faces.
B: Yes.
R: But I can honestly say that our little chats together have really been of tremendous help to me.
B: I’m so glad, Roger: of course a lot of people are instinctively suspicious of psychiatry, but it can help at times.
R: Well, I really think it can, because you know, I’ve got so much self-confidence now. I’m much less self-conscious in the company of the opposite sex, whichI wasn’t, as you know.
B: Yes, yes, yes, yes. You’re less inhibited, are you?
R: [Suggestively] Oh yes, I should say so.
B: Good, this is terrific.
R: And the wonderful thing about it all is … well, I’m in love.
B: Well, this is wonderful news, Roger – you’re in love. – With a woman?
R: Yes.
B: So much the better – that’s terrific.
R: You know, it’s so wonderful to be in love – I can’t tell you the absolute joy I have. … this girl, this creature
[emotional]
, this goddess …
R: I mean, she’s
B: Yes …
R: She’s so, you know, it’s so right. Everything is so wonderful, you know.
B: Yes, yes – you really click together.
R: Yes. Oh, it’s so marvellous, but – the only trouble is that, apart from this wonderful light-hearted love I have, I seem to be saddled with this tremendous burning sense of guilt.
B: You have guilt as well as love: well, this is unfortunate, Roger. You know, sex is the most wonderful natural, healthy thing in the world. There’s no reason at all to have any guilt about it. I mean,why should you have guilt about sex?
R: Well, it’s not really as simple as that, you know – it’s rather difficult to explain. Uhm, I don’t reallyknow where to start. It’s rather difficult to explain. Uhm, I don’t really know where to start.
B: Well, begin at the beginning. That’s always the best place. What’s the girl’s name.
R: [Pause] Stephanie.
B: Stephanie. That’s a lovely name, isn’t it – well, my wife’s name in fact, isn’t it?
R: Yes, it’s Stephanie.
B: Yes, it’s Stephanie.
R: Yes, it’s Stephanie.
B: No, it’s Stephanie.
R: Yes, it’s Stephanie: it’s your wife.
B: Oh, you’re in love with my wife, Stephanie. Well, this is a perfectly understandable thing, Roger. She’s a very attractive woman – I married her myself. I don’t see why you should feel upset about that.
R: But she’s in love with me.
B: Well, this is again perfectly understandable, Roger. I mean, you’re a perfectly attractive human being, as I’ve told you over the last few weeks. There’s nothing repulsive about you, is there? There’s no reason why a highly sexed woman such as Stephanie shouldn’t fall in love with you. And I must explain to you, Roger, that I’m a very busy man: I have many, many patients to see – I see rather less of my wife perhaps than I should, and I think it’s very understandable she should seek some sort of companionship outside the marriage – I don’t think that’s unreasonable at all.
R: But she’s not seeking anything outside marriage – nor am I. We want to get married.
B: Well, this again is perfectly understandable. After all, you’re two young people in love and you want to express your feelings within the confines of a bourgeois society through marriage. I think it’s very appropriate.
R: The awful thing is, you see – I should feel so grateful to you for what you’ve done. And all I can feel is this burning jealousy – I can’t bear the thought of you touching her.
B: Well, of course, I understand this. One is tremendously possessive about someone one loves … it would be unhealthy not to have this jealous reaction, Roger.
R: But don’t you see – I hate you.
B: Of course you hate me, Roger.
R: I hate you for being so near her.
B: Yes, of course you hate me, Roger. You love to hate the one who loves the one you hate to love the one you hate. This is a very old rule, Roger – there’s nothing to feel ashamed about. It’s absolutely reasonable.
R: Don’t you understand – I want to kill you.
B: Of course you want to kill me. Because by killing me , Roger, you eradicate the one you hate. This is a perfectly natural reaction, Roger.
R: You’re so reasonable, aren’t you.
B: Yes, I am.
R: [Getting cross]
You understand it all so much …you are so logical.
[Gets up to strike him.]
B: Yes, I am – it’s my job.
R: I’m going to have to kill you
now
!
B: Ah – Roger – this is a little inconvenient, because I have another patient a six-thirty and then there’s someone else at seven after that. I wonder if you could make it some time next week.
[Standing over him.]
Could you make it early in the week, say?
R: [Pause – relax] When do you think?
B: How are you fixed on Wednesday morning? Say nine-thirty – would that be convenient?
R: Yes, that’s perfect.
B: Right, well, if you could pop along at nine-thirty and kill me then.
R: Once again, Doctor Braintree, I’m amazed, you know, really. I’m so grateful to you for showing me the way.
B: That’s what I’m here for, Roger.
R: Thank you very much. Thank you.
B: And with a bit of luck, this should be the last time you need to visit me

Comments
I think it’s pretty clear what’s funny about this. The psychiatrist has cured Roger and he feels so happy to be in love, but it turns out that Roger is in love with the Psychiatrist’s wife Stephanie. The psychiatrist doesn’t fly into a jealous rage – in fact he’s ridiculously logical and reasonable about it. This sketch allows us to imagine what the psychiatrist must be like at home – so reasonable all the time, he must be no fun at all. No passion, just plain dedication to his job; the rational understanding of psychology at the expense of natural human emotions and feelings, which is unnatural and ridiculous, as well as frustrating. It could be a wider statement about psychiatry, but let’s not analyse it too much. It’s just funny listening to the reactions, and the nicely written lines.

Vocabulary
There may be some words and expressions that you don’t know, or that could be useful to you. Let’s have a look:

terrific
our little chats together have really been of tremendous help to me
I’m much less self-conscious in the company of the opposite sex, which I wasn’t, as you know.
B: Yes, yes, yes, yes. You’re less inhibited, are you?
you really click together.
I seem to be saddled with this tremendous burning sense of guilt.
There’s nothing repulsive about you
There’s no reason why a highly-sexed woman such as Stephanie shouldn’t fall in love with you
You want to express your feelings within the confines of a bourgeois society through marriage.
I can’t bear the thought of you touching her.
Because by killing me , Roger, you eradicate the one you hate.
If you could pop along at nine-thirty and kill me then.

That’s it! Don’t forget to listen several times to get the full benefit!

Feel free to leave comments and questions below.

Thanks for listening,

Luke

156. British Comedy: Ali G

Check it! This is the first in a series of episodes about British comedy. In this one we look at a character called Ali G. In the episode I’ll explain everything you need to know about him, then we’ll listen to an interview from his TV show and I will explain all the language and vocabulary that you hear. In the end, you’ll understand all of it, just like a native speaker innit.


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Aiiiight?! So, in this episode you’ll learn about lots of things, including some slang vocabulary, some pronunciation features of a London dialect, and some terms relating to education. You’ll also learn more about British pop culture.

Please be aware that there is some explicit content and rude language in this episode. The audio that you will hear contains some adult content including references to sex and drugs. If you’re easily offended then watch out! If you don’t mind, then great! Let’s have a good time learning some more British English, shall we? Yes Luke! Ok great…

NUFF RESPECT! Below you will find vocabulary definitions and other notes, and a youtube video for the interviews you hear in this episode of the podcast. I recommend that you watch the videos – it will help you to enjoy the comedy more. BOOYAAA!

Vocabulary Definitions and Notes
Here are some bits of language you’ll hear in this episode.
Ali G – Education. An interview with Sir Rhodes Boyson. Slang terms are written in italics.
Corporal punishment = this is a kind of physical punishment which used to be used in schools as a way of instilling discipline into childen
a cane / to cane someone / to get caned / to be caned = a cane is a long, thin stick which is used to hit a child as punishment. The word is also a verb (regular)
to get caned / to be caned = this is also a slang expression which means to get  stoned/high on cannabis/weed/marijuana
my main man = this is a slang expression to refer to someone you like or someone you respect a lot

wicked! = a slang term meaning “brilliant!”
respect = this is said just to show respect to someone – “respect man” “nice one”
you have to have a good cane = in its slang sense, this means you have to smoke a lot of weed
“they have more boning experience than anybody else”
boning = having sex
a boner = an erection
me feelin dat (I’m feeling that) = I understand that, I get that impression
for real = definitely
to deal in ounces, half ounces, quarter ounces, eighths of ounces = in the UK cannabis is usually sold by the ounce, quarter ounce etc
one ounce (1 oz = about 28 grammes)
he’s down for a 40 year stretch = he’s going to prison for 40 years / he’s facing a 40 year prison sentence
“boys would spend all their time chasing muff”
muff = a woman’s ‘private parts’, her genitals, her vagina
“I got an A+ in pounani”
pounani = the same as muff !
you know what I’m getting at = you know what I’m trying to say, you know what I’m suggesting

Video of Ali G interviewing Sir Rhodes Boyson
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OV1fq75aWtY&w=500&h=375]
Sacha Baron Cohen on Letterman
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GrBfaUDUlt4&w=500&h=375]
Sacha Baron Cohen won the outstanding achievement to comedy at the British Comedy Awards
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcjpP6dKuS0&w=500&h=281]
Fluency MC’s Present Perfect Rap (what do you think?)
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wDl3T339718&w=500&h=281]

103. The Queen and The Royal Family

Opinions, facts and gossip about The Royal Family, as The Queen celebrates her Diamond Jubilee this weekend.

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Listen to Luke have a conversation with English Robot 4000 about The Royal Family. We talk about everything you need to know about the Royals, including the shocking rumour about Prince Harry (listen to find out more).
Thanks for listening, and remember your donations make this podcast possible.
Luke

78. Christmas – It’s all about Family (with James)

This episode is all about Christmas. Learn plenty of general English vocabulary and culture.
You will find some vocabulary and definitions below.

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In this episode I talk to my brother (James) about Christmas, and plenty of other things too!

*Caution – this episode contains some rude language and swearing :)*

This is a natural conversation between my brother and me. We talk mainly about Christmas and what it means to us as Londoners in England, UK. We also talk about other things as we naturally get sidetracked during the conversation.
The intention of the conversation is to explain what Christmas really means to us. Some of the things we say are intended to be humourous, which means sometimes we use irony, but most of the time we are being serious.
It might be difficult for you to follow everything we say, but we explain many things while talking. I have made a list of vocabulary and expressions that we use in the conversation. You will find this list of vocabulary and definitions below. Many of the definitions come from this website: http://www.thefreedictionary.com/, and some of the definitions are written by me.

I recommend that you check the vocabulary and expressions in your own dictionary too, and look for examples of the expressions online by googling them. Listen to this podcast several times to really catch all the expressions and to listen to them being used in the natural context of our conversation. Then try to use the expressions yourself, in your own conversations or just while practising English alone.

TRANSCRIPT
Vocabulary is defined below the transcript.

[0:00]
L – Luke
J – James

L: Hello and welcome to this Christmas episode of Luke’s English Podcast. Now, today I’m joined once again by my brother James. Hello James.
J: Hello.
L: And today we’re going to tell you all about what a typical Christmas is for most people in the UK. The UK?
J: Well, yes. I suppose we are specifically Southern England. You know, there are slightly different traditions around the UK such as Scotland may do things slightly differently up north of England things. So, I suppose, we can only really claim to represent Southern England.
L: Or like London. To be honest really, I think, we can only talk for ourselves. So mainly what we’re going to do in this episode is just tell you about what Christmas really means to us.
J: But I suppose it is fairly typical of English and British people.
L: That’s true, that’s absolutely right. So, we’re going to tell you about a typical Christmas for us, here in London, in England, in Britain, in the UK, in Europe, in the world etc. Right? And also we’re going to teach you, along the way… we are going to teach you bits of vocabulary and expressions that relate to Christmas and New Year and all the things and celebrations and various aspects of Christmas. Okay? So, cultural stuff and a bit of vocab in the process.
J: Okay.
L: Yeah. So, how are you doing?
J: I’m okay. I’ve got a bit of a cold, but I’m fine.
(sound of phone ringing)
L: Oh, the flimmin [this is not a word] phone , I bet that’s a cold caller.
(sound of phone ringing)
J: Luke’s just gone to answer the phone. This is sometimes a common thing.
L: (answering the phone ) Hello, Luke’s English Podcast.
(after a while)
L: No.
(sound of hanging up the phone)
J: Yes, very common thing. People get hold of your phone number through the telephone directory and they phone you up trying to sell you stuff or sometimes is just a robotic voice trying to sell you something. Very annoying and very little you can do about it.
L: That was a robot voice then it said: “Hello, this is an important recorded message for Luke Thompson.” And so immediately I knew it was a cold caller. Right?
J: It’s borderline illegal although…
L: It’s very annoying.
J: It’s very annoying. It’s well into the annoying category. Yeah.
L: We call them “cold calling”, because it’s a way for companies to just call someone without any warning…
J: Without any previous interactions, so as sort of a warm contact would be if they already answered a question essay and they wish to receive more information, but in this instance he hadn’t been asked. So that’s why it’s a “cold call”.
L: Because they’re just calling you without any previous contact at all. Cold call, which is ironic, because when the phone rang, you were just telling everyone that you had a cold.
J: Different meaning of cold. Cold is just, well I guess it’s the same around the world, a mild flu.
L: Yeah. It’s like a virus that goes round. And everyone kind of catches it. Because people always say: “Oh yeah, there is a cold going round”, you know. “It goes round” that means that, you know, it passes from person to person.
J: Especially in a place like London, where we have very tight concentration of people on public transport and cold and minor diseases, that sounds disgusting, but sorry it’s true…
L: Minor diseases.
J: Minor diseases can spread quite easily through the handrails and the shared air that you got on the ground.
L: Yeah, it’s right.
J: It’s common thing in London to get cold quite a lot.
L: Basically the London underground is just…
J: …a breeding ground for disease and infection.
L: A breeding ground for disease and infection. So that’s true.
J: There you go. Some people say this podcast is too positive. So, there you go. We’re given you a negative there.
L: My brother believes that sometimes in this podcast I just… I’m just too positive about things. I don’t agree, I think, you haven’t really listened to many of the episodes.
J: No, I’ve hardly listened to any of them, to be honest.
L: You haven’t really listened to the episode that you’re in.
J: No, I haven’t, I was too embarrassing.
L: And I did say “you’re in”, I didn’t say “urine” there.
J: Good.
L: We don’t ever mention urine on the show…
J: …in this house.
L: …until now.
J: Let’s get to the point.
L: Can I just explain what happened there? Sometimes in English words can sound like other words. Right? Like if you say the word “you’re” meaning “you are” and “in”, “you are in” it can sound a bit like the word “urine”. Right? “You’re in”, “urine”.
J: It’s not a very good joke, but some examples of this work better than others.
L: I don’t think that’s really a joke, it’s more just a coincidence.
J: It’s a double meaning.
L: Urine/You’re in.
J: So you could for instance… I don’t know if should say this, if I were to offer you a coffee

[5:00]
L: Go on.
J: I could say: “You’re for coffee?”.
L: Like “You’re for coffee?” as a question like “You’re for coffee?”, but also sounds like a rude word.
J: It sounds a little bit like a…
L: “You’re for coffee?”, “You fuck off-y?”.
J: Okay, okay. I think they get it. Sorry about that.
L: Anyway, so you haven’t really even listened to the episodes that you’re in, have you? Don’t tell me to fuck off at this point.
(laugh)
J: Enough swearing. I think we should delete that bit.
L: Let’s get down to business and talk about Christmas, shall we? But we’re both… before we do that, we both suffering from ever so slight colds.
J: That’s why we sound sort of slightly bunged up. There is a phrase for you.
L: Bunged up. I’ll write this down. I must write down…
J: So write down call cold, bunged up.
L: Urine.
J: No, not that one.
L: I should write it down. Call cold, bunged up.
J: Bunged up, that’s just means blocked up nose.
L: You’re for coffee.
J: We’re not going to do that one.
L: I don’t know, I might write it down anyway. Urine. You’re in.
J: Things not to say in a business meeting for instance. You don’t lean over to the managing director and say “You fuck off-y?”. That would be a social faux pas, which is French.
L: A faux pas. That is. Faux pas is a French word.
J: And some English phrases are just literally a French phrase which we quite like a sound of. It’s been picked up over the years and accepted as English phrases, for instance: cliche, faux pas.
L: Yeah, a cul-de-sac.
J: Yeah.
L: It’s true.
J: Cul-de-sac…
L: Wait, wait, wait. What is first of all… What is a faux pas? What is a cliche? And what is a cul-de-sac? What’s a faux pas? Well it’s a French word.
J: Fake. “Faux” means “fake”, doesn’t it?
L: Maybe. I don’t know what the original…
J: I don’t know what the literal thing means, we’re very embarrassing. If you know, write in the comment underneath.
L: I’m sure. I’ve got lots of listeners who speak French, who can tell us exactly what “faux pas” means in French, but in English…
J: It’s just means a minor mistake.
L: It’s a social mistake.
J: A social mistake, yeah.
L: So for example, if you go to a business meeting and you…
J: …are wearing trainers.
L: …and you’re wearing sport shoes, trainers, sneakers, pumps, that kind of thing, to a business meeting, where you should be dressed in formal way. That would be a faux pas, like a social mistake. Okay. Next one was a cliche, another French word.
J: It’s because that we don’t have a literal translation for that in English, so we use the French, which means a cliche. A kind of… it’s very hard to explain.
L: Welcome to my job.
J: It’s very hard to explain without using the French.
L: I think the cliche is something which has happened many, many, many times and to the point which it’s now become really sort of predictable and not even necessarily true.
J: Slightly embarrassingly obvious, maybe.
L: Obvious, predictable. It’s been repeated many times.
J: So for instance a cliche would be an English bloke swigging lager with an England top on watching the football.
L: So that’s a cultural cliche.
J: A cultural cliche.
L: Which is very similar to a stereotype.
J: It is, that’s the word I was looking for. It’s similar to a stereotype, but it doesn’t just have to fit a person. It could fit a style or…
L: Usually stereotypes describe a type of person, don’t they? Like the German stereotype, the American stereotype, French stereotype.
J: And all the best stereotypes have an element of truth in them as well, obviously.
L: Like the English stereotype. There’s two English stereotypes for me. One is that we are very posh, stuck up, kind of gentlemen…
J: Drinking tea, wearing bowler hats.
L: And being very posh and going “Oh, my dear… my good man…” that kind of thing, which you know the Americans love that kind of English stereotype. But the other stereotype is…
J: It’s a football hooligan. Somebody goes (sound of hooligans).
L: Right? I think actually most English people have both.
J: A bit of both.
L: Yeah. They can be very reserved and polite and “Oh sorry”, but on the other hand they can… if they have a few drinks…
J: They can be quite ignorant and stupid.
L: They become ignorant and stupid.
J: And I include myself in that, unfortunately.
L: I think, you’re more hooligan than gentleman. I am maybe more gentleman than hooligan, but it depends…
J: So you like to think.
L: I don’t know, I don’t know if it’s true. It depends. Sometimes you’re more gentlemanly than I am and sometimes…
J: I don’t watch football, I want to point that out, I don’t follow a team. I never drink lager.
L: How many time have you had a fight in your life? Physical, a physical fight.
J: A few, but they were really asking for it.

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