Tag Archives: english

242. 11 Idioms Only Brits Understand (really?)

This is a slightly rambling and unprepared episode which I made up as I went along, and in the end I talked about a page I found on MatadorNetwork.com called “11 Idioms Only Brits Understand”. I don’t think that these are exclusively used by Brits, but nevertheless they are some pretty commonly used idioms, so I decided to talk to you about them in this episode. After that I ended up clicking on a few random YouTube videos, playing around with the cockney accent and listening to some music. Enjoy! [Download]

Here’s the page from The Matador Network “11 Idioms That Only Brits Understand” (the idioms are also printed below)

The Idioms
1. Pop one’s clogs

You don’t get much more British than this. To pop one’s clogs is a euphemism for dying or death.

Example: “No one knew he was about to pop his clogs.”

2. That went down a treat

If something goes down a treat, then it was thoroughly enjoyed.

Example: “That cake went down a treat.”

3. Take the mickey

Us Brits love to make fun of and tease each other and that’s exactly what ‘taking the mickey’ means. You can also say ‘take the mick.’

Example: “Stop taking the mickey out of your brother.”

More like this 8 lies you tell yourself when you move to London
4. Itchy feet

This refers to when you want to try or do something new, such as travelling.

Example: “After two years in the job she’s got itchy feet, so she’s going to spend three months in Australia.”

5. At a loose end

If you’re at a loose end, it means you’re bored or you have nothing to do.

Example: “He’s been at a loose end ever since he retired.”

6. Another string to your bow

This means to have another skill that can help you in life, particularly with employment.

Example: “I’m learning French so I’ll have another string to my bow.”

7. As the actress said to the bishop

This is the British equivalent of ‘that’s what she said.’ It highlights a sexual reference whether it was deliberate or not.

Example: “Blimey, that’s a big one — as the actress said to the bishop.”

8. Bob’s your uncle (and fanny’s your aunt)

This phrase means that something will be successful. It is the equivalent of ‘and there you go,’ or as the French say ‘et voilà!’ Adding the ‘and fanny’s your aunt’ makes you that much more British.

Example:

A: “Where’s the Queen Elizabeth Pub?”
B: “You go down the road, take the first left and Bob’s your uncle — there it is on the corner!”
9. Cheap as chips

We love a good bargain, and when we find one we can’t help but exclaim that it’s ‘as cheap as chips.’

Example: “Only a fiver for a ticket — cheap as chips mate!”

10. Look after the pennies and the pounds will look after themselves

This is one that our grandparents have told us our whole lives. If you take care not to waste small amounts of money, then it will accumulate into something more substantial.

11. Nosy parker

This is for all the nosy people of the world. A ‘nosy parker’ is someone who is extremely interested in other people’s lives.

Example: “Stop being such a nosy parker! They’re having a private conversation!”

Gritty Brit Flick

Top Gear Parody

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241. Film Club: Star Wars

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“Luke’s Film Club” continues with one of my all-time favourites: Star Wars! In this episode I’m going to ramble on about the Star Wars franchise, including the original trilogy (episodes 4-6), the prequel trilogy (episodes 1-3) and the upcoming new trilogy (episodes 7-9). If you’re a Star Wars fan, this one’s for you! If you don’t like Star Wars, I hope this episode will give you some idea of why people are so crazy about these movies. [Download]

Contents
In this episode I talk about these things:
– The new Star Wars Episode VII Trailer
– A history of the Star Wars films
– An overview of the storyline for the original trilogy and prequel trilogy
– Some reasons why I like the original films so much
– Some sound effects from the films!

Videos
Here’s the Episode VII Teaser Trailer

Here are some must-see video reviews of the prequel trilogy by RedLetterMedia. For me, these explain (in a very funny way) exactly what is wrong about episodes 1-3. They’re genuinely brilliant reviews, which must have taken a long time to make.

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240. Politicians Avoiding Questions

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In this episode we’re going to look at the way politicians deal with tough and challenging questions from TV and radio interviewers. We’ll listen to some examples of politicians avoiding questions in interviews and examine some of the ways they get themselves out of tight situations while also promoting their ideas. [Download]

I’m not sure what you think about politics. I don’t talk about it a lot on Luke’s English Podcast. I did an episode a couple of years ago called “82. Votings, Elections, Government“, in which I talk about the political system, and various vocabulary related to politics, voting and elections. Now, a lot of people find politics to be quite boring, and I used to think that too, but more and more (perhaps because I’m growing up finally!) I think that politics is fascinating and really important. I’m particularly keen on watching debates between politicians, and watching the way in which politicians cleverly deal with challenging questions in interviews. It’s fascinating to watch them very skilfully squirm their way out of tight situations, or use all manner of linguistic and rhetorical skills to persuade people live on TV.

British journalists tend to interview politicians in an aggressive manner. Politicians are getting very good at avoiding questions. And this is what I’m particularly interested in studying in this episode of the podcast. How do politicians avoid questions? Let’s have a listen, and find out.

Here’s a clip from the satirical comedy show “The Day Today”. This programme makes fun of the news. It takes the mickey out of the way that news readers speak, and their interview style. In this clip we hear an interview with a politician who is facing allegations of ministerial misconduct – he’s being accused of lying in front of the House of Commons about a deal. The interviewer is not aggressive or challenging enough, and in the end he lets the politician get away with lying to the house. He’s too nice! Then the newsreader in the studio takes over and has a go at the interviewer for not asking challenging or tough questions. I think it’s really funny. Let’s have a listen and then consider the ways that politicians deal with tough interviews in TV.

That’s just a comedy clip, but in terms of real situations, here’s an example of what I’m talking about. Here the interviewer wants the politician to admit that he was wrong about the Euro. Clearly the politician doesn’t want to admit he was wrong, and so he pushes another line: The UK at the moment is not willing to be part of the Euro. Listen to the way the interviewer asks about his mistake over the Euro, how the politician attempts to avoid the question, and how the interviewer has to quite aggressively force him to deal with the Euro problem.

The politician: The energy secretary Chris Hune (in government)
The issue: He said that the Euro was going to be a big success and that the UK is missing out.
The politician doesn’t want to admit that he’s wrong, and instead wants to push the idea that the UK is not willing to be part of the Euro at the moment.

Some ways that politicians avoid questions
They have a pre-planned message, or line, which they have prepared carefully before going into the interview. Often this is in the form of soundbites – snappy, quotable phrases which can be used in newspapers.
Their aim is to present this line, despite the questions they will be asked.
As long as they are talking on the same topic, and they look presentable, reasonable and professional, we just don’t notice that they are not responding to the question.
Social conventions of politeness and communication make it hard for the interviewer to break this down. If the politician doesn’t really answer the question, it’s hard for the interviewer to a) identify that it has happened, b) respond to it quickly, c) find the right questions that will force the politician to really answer the question.

Smooth interviews break down when an interviewer is tough, aggressive and skeptical. The interviewer has to take an aggressive line in order to fight against the slick tactics of the politician. It’s very hard for these interviewers because they have to go against instinctive social conventions in order to break the politician’s spell. If the interviewer is too aggressive or emotional, the interviewee wins because he comes out of it better – he looks like a calm reasonable person, and the interviewer looks like a mad man. If the interviewer is not precise enough in his questions, the interviewee wins again, because the interviewer does too much talking, while the politician sits there in innocent silence.

The best politicians manage to make it very hard for the interviewer to put them on the spot. They use techniques to distract the conversation away from the tough questions, they don’t get emotional, they manage to come across as reasonable, modest, ordinary people. Likeability is vital to a politician’s career nowadays. We tend to vote for people who we like, rather than thinking purely of their policy, which is a terrible symptom of our image driven culture. So, clever politicians are able to construct a likeable image – as family oriented, hard-working, sympathetic, strong or humorous. That likeablilty acts as a kind of defence mechanism or even a distraction, so that viewers on TV let them avoid questions and so on. Research has shown (and I refer to a Harvard Business Paper called Conversational Blindness: Answering the Wrong Question the Right Way Authors: Todd Rogers and Michael I. Norton Publisher: Harvard Business School, Working Paper No. 09-048 Date Published: October 2008) that we just don’t notice that a politician has avoided a question when the answer is related to the question asked and is given with confidence and conviction. So, it goes like this:
The interviewer asks a question.
The politician responds with an answer that relates to the topic of the question, but doesn’t really answer the question specifically.
We don’t notice that the question is being avoided, because the answer is on-topic.
Politicians also use the phrase “Let’s be clear…” as a way to redirect their answer towards their point, while making it look like they are clarifying and directly answering the question. “Let’s be clear…” + their point.

This all breaks down, when tough interviewers manage to put politicians on the spot. Perhaps they take them by surprise, perhaps they are willing to come across as crazy by repeating the question over and over, or perhaps they manage to keep the courage of their convictions in order to verbally spar with these master debaters. So, when interviewers bring their A game, it can be pretty fascinating to watch a politician have a really hard time. It’s like car crash TV. It’s also pretty bizarre. These kinds of conversations rarely happen in normal situations. People talking over each other without stopping. People answering direct questions with completely unrelated answers. It’s weird.

Let’s listen to some examples!

“Did you threaten to overrule him?” Paxman vs Michael Howard
The accusation: Paxman questioned Howard relentlessly about a meeting he had had with prisons chief Derek Lewis about the possible dismissal of the head of Parkhurst Prison.

Chloe Smith on Newsnight (total disaster for Chloe Smith)

Excerpt from The Thick of It. “Answer the question you fat fuck!”

Why do interviewers in the UK have such a direct style? Because we believe they should be accountable for everything they do. We don’t have much deference for people in positions of power (and The Queen is not a person in a position of power actually! If she did exercise genuine power over us, we wouldn’t have the same level of respect for her I can assure you) and this style is a way to prevent politicians avoiding the question. If you’re too soft on people (and it’s not just politicians – it’s also heads of corporations or anyone with some duty to the public) then they will just use the interview for their own purposes. Also, I think audiences in the UK (and I’m sure it’s the same in many other places) believe that these people should be given a tough time, especially the ones who are not serving us well, or who are privileged in some way.

If an interviewer is too soft on a politician, we feel that they’ll just get away with murder.

Sometimes it seems to me that interviewers have got into the habit of being tough in interviews, and sometimes they do it when it’s not appropriate or necessary.

The Day Today – Jam Festival

This is funny on two levels: On one hand, it parodies the aggressive style of BBC journalists (especially Paxman). It’s also poking fun at people who do charity work just so they can make themselves look good.

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239. Prepositions: Verb Collocations + Improvised Story

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In the last episode I attempted to explain ways that prepositions are used in English, and I failed because I wasn’t prepared. I managed to get across the idea that prepositions are complicated because they’re used in combination with other words, and that you have to remember vocabulary in ‘chunks’ but the idea was also to present you with some useful lists of preposition collocations. This time around I’ve done some more preparation. I’ve spent a bit more time on it and so for round 2 I think we should get a proper grip on the subject, while also having some fun noticing prepositions in an improvised story. [Download]

We all know that prepositions are one of the most difficult aspects of English grammar and vocabulary. That’s also why they’re hard to teach. They don’t conform to easy-to-teach rules, like other aspects of grammar. Instead, it’s about patterns and collocations. So, often the best way to learn these collocations is to see them as chunks of vocabulary, and try to notice them as they are used naturally. In this episode the idea is to give you a chance to do that by listening to a made-up story which includes loads of verb + preposition collocations.

Some Facts
Let me break it down in a simple way. Here are some “facts” about prepositions.
1. A preposition is always followed by a noun or something like a noun (e.g. a gerund or a noun phrase).
2. We use prepositions to talk about time, position and movement – and these are the easy ones. For example, “The cat is on the chair, the mouse is under the table, the monkey is on the branch. I’ll see you on Sunday at 3 o’clock. The train went into the station. The monkey fell out of the tree. The cat jumped off the chair.” etc etc. These are ‘easy’ because the prepositions seem to have specific meanings of their own, and they don’t change depending on which noun or verb you’re using.
3. The more difficult part is the way we use prepositions to attach nouns to other parts of the sentence. Prepositions tend to collocate with different adjectives, verbs and nouns. For example we say “He’s been accused of murder” and “I’m accustomed to the smell from the restaurant downstairs” and “This flat has really good access to the underground station”. What does collocate mean? It means that these words ‘just go together’. They’re friends. They always hang out with each other. Why? That’s the difficult thing to explain. I’d say – don’t focus on the individual meanings of prepositions. Instead focus on the way they just collocate with other words, and then learn those words together. So, don’t just learn the word “accuse” but learn the phrase “to accuse someone of something”. Don’t just learn the word “doubtful” but learn the phrase “doubtful about”, don’t just learn the word “comply” but learn the phrase “to comply with” and also the noun “compliance” and “to be in compliance with”.
4. Prepositions can be hard to hear because of the way they’re pronounced. They’re not usually the ‘meaning words’ in sentences, and so they can be pronounced using ‘weak forms’ of pronunciation (schwa sounds). Pay attention to the way prepositions are pronounced by native speakers in fluent speech.

There are 4 key points about prepositions, and also reasons why they’re tricky for learners of English.

Sorry.

Really, I am sorry. This makes life much more difficult for you, but you must get used to it right here and now. Accept that you’re now learning phrases, and once you’ve accepted that, every step you’ll take from now on will be in the right direction.

So, it’s these preposition collocations which are the tricky things. Learners of English struggle to know which preposition to use in the right moments. Sometimes these are influenced by the first language. For example, many French people say “It depends of…” e.g. “It depends of the cost” and of course it should be “it depends on the cost”. Watch out for the L1 influence.

What can you do?
– When you’re learning words – don’t learn them in isolation. See how they connect with other words in a sentence. Remember the prepositions that go with them. This will actually help you to become more fluent as prepositions are good transition words. They help you turn individual words into phrases, and those phrases into full sentences.
– Notice when you listen. Just pay attention to the preposition collocations you hear.
– Listen a lot and read a lot. Eventually, a lot of the most common preposition collocations will just go into your subconscious after being exposed to them so many times. After a while you’ll develop an instinct for the right collocation.
– Check out some lists to help you. You could test yourself by looking at some collocation lists (e.g. on this page). Cover the preposition and then try to remember it. Say it out loud. Check your answer. Say the phrase (it’s important that it passes through your mouth, and across your lips). Make full sentences, in different tenses in order to practise.
– Listen to Luke’s English Podcast (of course!)

Let me explain my approach for this episode of the podcast.
In this episode I’m planning to do this:
– I’ve prepared fairly long lists of common collocations with prepositions. Verb + prep, adjective + prep and noun + prep lists. You can check them out on the webpage if you like. Those lists are really useful in themselves. So this is already a really useful resource.
– I’m not just going to read out the lists. That would be boring and not that useful.
– I’m going to try and just make up some kind of story – completely improvise it – and use as many of the preposition collocations as I can. Try to notice them. You could go through the list and kind of ‘tick’ them off as you hear them, or try to notice them without the list.
– Bear in mind that the story is completely made up. The main thing is I want to keep it fun and interesting, while also presenting some language to you.
– There are 3 lists. They’re all quite long. I don’t know how much I can achieve in one episode. I might end up dividing this into three stories. One for verb + prep collocations, one for adj + prep and one for noun + prep. We’ll see.
– When I’ve finished I’ll go through the lists, and I’ll give you a chance to test yourselves.
– Then you can revise by testing yourselves using the lists, you can write your own stories using the prepositions and vocabulary, or you could record yourself reading or improvising a story. Don’t worry if you can’t improvise. That’s a different thing altogether. You should try to produce meaningful sentences using these phrases though. It’ll help you to remember them. Try to make your sentences personalised and very vivid – that’ll help you remember them all.
– You’ll also be picking up vocabulary here from the verbs, adjectives and nouns that collocate with all these prepositions. Just google them or look them up in a dictionary if you don’t know what they mean. I’m not explaining word meanings here, just presenting language.

That’s it!

Verb + Preposition
Let’s go with the first story.
*Start by opening your eyes – you’re standing in a courtroom. You ask the lawyer what’s going on. You’ve been accused of stealing a biscuit. You’ve got no idea what happened. Then the judge comes in…*

accuse (someone) of ([doing] something)
add (something) to (something else)
admire (someone) for ([doing] something)
agree on (topic)
agree with (someone)
apologise to (someone) for ([doing] something)
apply to (a place) for (something)
approve of (something)
argue with (someone) about (topic)
arrive at (a building, room, site, event)
arrive in (a city, country)
ask (someone) about (someone/topic)
ask (someone) for (something)
believe in (something)
belong to (someone)
blame (someone) for ([doing] something)
borrow (something) from (someone)
care about (someone/something/topic)
comment on (topic)
compare (something) to/with (something else)
complain to (someone) about (something)
concentrate on ([doing] something)
congratulate (someone) for/on ([doing] something)
consist of (some things)
consent to ([doing] something)
contribute to (something)
count on (someone) to (do something)
cover (something) with (something else)
decide on (topic)
depend on (someone) for (something)
discuss (something) with (someone)
distinguish (something) from (something else)
dream about/of (someone/something)
escape from (somewhere)
explain (topic) to (someone)
excuse (someone) for ([doing] something)
forgive (someone for ([doing] something)
get rid of (something)
graduate from (a place)
happen to (someone)
help (someone) with (something)
hide (something) from (someone)
insist (up)on (something)
introduce (someone) to (someone else)
invite (someone) to (an event)
keep (something) for (someone)
matter to (someone)
object to (something)
participate in (something)
pay (price) for (something)
plan on ([doing] something)
pray for (someone/something)
prefer (something) to (something else)
prevent (someone) from ([doing] something)
prohibit (someone) from ([doing] something)
protect (someone) from (something)
provide (someone) with (something)
recover from (something)
rely (up)on (someone/something)
remind (someone) of (something)
rescue (someone) from (something)
respond to (someone/something)
save (someone) from (something)
search for (something)
separate (something) from (something else)
scold (someone) for ([doing] something)
smile at (someone) for ([doing] something)
speak to/with (someone) about (topic)
stare at (something/someone)
stop (someone) from ([doing] something)
subscribe to (something)
substitute (something) for (something else/someone)
subtract (something) from (something else)
succeed in ([doing] something)
suffer from (something)
take advantage of (someone/something/ situation)
take care of (something/someone)
talk to/with (someone) about (topic)
thank (someone) for ([doing] something)
travel to (somewhere)
vote for (someone)
vouch for (someone)
wait for (someone/something)
wish for (something)
work for (company/something/someone)

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238. Prepositions (Part 1) …a failed attempt?

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In this episode I decided to teach you about prepositions! Yes! Everyone’s favourite words in English! OK, that’s sarcasm – most learners find prepositions to be confusing and frustrating. However, the episode didn’t quite go as planned and I didn’t manage to deal with the subject as I had intended. Nevertheless, this episode contains some comments and information about prepositions, which works as an introduction to other episodes on the subject. Listen to this one before you listen episode 240, which deals with the subject in more depth. [Download]

I’ve been meaning to do this episode for ages and now finally I’ve managed to get round to it. Well, that was the plan anyway.

Following notes I made over a year ago (which weren’t actually finished) I thought I would be able to deal with this topic without much preparation, but prepositions tend to be complex little creatures to get a hold of, and the topic proved too slippery to deal with fully in this episode, so I have promised to continue the series in the next episode, when we will look at the way prepositions collocate with other words.

So for this episode, I didn’t manage to succeed in my overall mission, but you can see this as like ‘part 1’ in a series about prepositions.

What? Another series? Yes, that’s right! The next episode will focus on ways prepositions collocate with verbs, and will feature an improvised courtroom drama featuring a whole list of verb + preposition collocations. You’ll just have to wait for that one. But for now, join me as I begin to explain prepositions, and end up going on about poor sales techniques and why you shouldn’t buy an iPhone 3 from me. Enjoy!

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237. OPP: Other People’s Podcasts (Part 2)

Part 2 of my top 10 list of podcasts that I listen to regularly and which I would like to share with you. [Download]

This episode is not about podcasts for learners of English. It’s also not about podcasts made by LEPsters. It’s just some podcasts that I love to listen to and that I’d like to share with you.

They aren’t for learners of English specifically. This could mean they’re hard to understand for you. However – it could be really good for you to at least try listening to one of these podcasts and see if they click with you. It could be really good for your English, especially if there’s one that really grabs your attention.
Click here for part 1 of this episode.
5. The Bugle (UK)
This is a satirical news-based comedy podcast. The show is presented by stand-up comedians Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver. Andy is based in London and is one of the country’s top satirical comedians. He specialises in puns, which are word jokes. Often he goes off on a whole series of puns based on a certain topic. John Oliver is based in The USA (you might have seen him on The Daily Show and Last Week Tonight). With Andy in London and John in NYC they tend to focus on the big political news events of the moment and they generally take the view that many of those world events are ridiculous, especially the hypocrisy of politicians and the questionable actions of world leaders. They also take a pop at smaller events in the news. Mainly they use politics and news as a starting point for comedy. Andy has quite a surreal take on issues and John Oliver has a slightly hysterical approach as an Englishman living in one of the craziest countries in the world, USA. I find their podcast hilarious and it regularly has me laughing out loud on the Paris metro, and then embarrassingly realising that other people are looking at me like a weirdo.
Listen to: Scottish Referendum.

4. The Smartest Man in the World (USA)
Greg Proops is amazing. He’s a stand-up comedian (of course he is!) with an incredible talent for improvisation. In the 90s he became famous for being on a show called “Whose Line is it Anyway?” which was a fantastic improv comedy show. These descriptions don’t really do him justice though, because you might just think, oh another stand-up comedian, great. Well, Greg Proops is also a voraciously intelligent commentator. He’s a scathing satirist. A left-leaning libertarian (if such a thing is possible) with little patience with the agenda of most of our world leaders or heads of corporations. He’s incredibly well-read, has fantastic taste in music, and uses a wickedly articulate and broad range of vocabulary. In fact, he wields words rather like a beat poet, and his podcast is an intoxicating mix of improvised comedy, biting satire, beat poetry, ranting and raving about the state of the world, movie-related banter, anecdotes, drug stories and so many other things. His podcasts are almost always recorded live, in various places around the world. I recently saw him recording a podcast in Paris and it was just amazing to see him there in person, recording an episode of the podcast, responding to questions from the audience, dissecting current events in the newspapers, ranting about the NSA and generally being the awesome and immaculately dressed dude that he is. Greg for me, as well as being a top-class entertainer, is also a raconteur and by that I mean that he is a person who tells anecdotes in such a funny and articulate way that he’s raised it to the level of performance art. He manages to evoke the spirit of America’s greatest writers, actors and poets from some golden age of Hollwood in the 1930s, 40s or 50s. His podcast is one which you should listen to at night, with a glass of something to drink and maybe a pipe a jazz cigarette or something. Typically Greg drinks vodka during recordings of his podcast and yet his mind always stays clear and incisive. Greg Proops is a classy dude and he is definitely worth listening to. However, you might find him hard to follow because he does speak very fast, with quite a strong Californian accent, and he makes lots of specific cultural references you might not be familiar with, and he is also very verbose – he uses lots of big words. If that’s your sort of thing, you should definitely check out his podcast.
Listen to: The beginning of an episode – Reds
America is England’s Fault (talking to an audience in Australia)

3. The Ricky Gervais Podcast (UK)
This was the first really big podcast – when it was regularly being uploaded it was the most downloaded podcast in the world at one point. It came out probably about 10 years ago and it is still available but you now have to purchase the archives on iTunes or maybe on Audiable.com for just a couple of pounds per season. It’s not a lot and it’s worth it. I used to listen to this back in my kitchen in Ealing, West London while I was doing my cooking and it used to make me laugh out loud every time. The Ricky Gervais Show is not really recorded any more but it is still a classic podcast. The set-up is simple really. It’s Ricky Gervais, Stephen Merchant and Karl Pilkington. Ricky and Steve are well known comedians and writers. They won awards for their show “The Office” and they’re generally considered to be top-level comic talent. Karl Pilkington is just a bloke. He’s a really ordinary, average working class bloke from Manchester. He’s not very well educated. He’s not a sophisticated guy, but he is perhaps one of the funniest people I’ve ever heard – but he’s not really trying to be funny. He seems to just be quite serious most of the time, and yet the things he says are brilliantly straight-forward and simple minded while also being incredibly funny. It’s like seeing into the mind of an idiot, but it’s more than that because Karl often has such a simple view on things that he’s quite hard to argue with. His common sense might be ill informed, but it’s got an undeniable sense of simple logic about it. Often he’s completely wrong about things, but you can understand why he has those views. He’s also slightly obsessed by certain topics, like stories of monkeys acting like humans, or insects which he’s discovered in his daily life, or stories of tribes in remote parts of the world. Generally what happens is that Ricky and Steve start talking about something and then they ask Karl what he thinks. Then Karl gives his view and it provokes hysterical responses from Ricky and Steve, who berate him for being an idiot while arguing with his stupid ideas. It sounds a little cruel at times, as if Ricky and Steve are bullying Karl – but really this is just the way male friends in England talk to each other. We often take the piss out of each other and argue, but really we’re close friends. You can see that the relationship between these three is actually very close and that Ricky and Steve really love Karl but they’re also amazed by his thought processes. Karl used to be a technician or producer on Ricky’s radio show but because of the podcast he’s become a successful travel writer and TV presenter in his own right now.
Listen to: The first episode of the Ricky Gervais Show.

2. WTF with Marc Maron (USA)
Surprise Surprise, Marc Maron is a stand-up comedian! His podcast, called WTF is one of the biggest podcasts on the internet. Basically, the show is hosted by Marc in his own garage. Marc is a sort of washed up comedian with all kinds of personal issues, neuroses, addictions and psychological hang-ups. he originally started his podcast about 6 years ago when his career was on the rocks. At that time his marriage had ended in divorce, he was recovering from drug and alcohol addictions, and his anti-social behaviour and neurotic attitude had caused his career to nosedive into the ground. His friends (including Louis CK) were finally achieving the success they’d been working for, but Marc was broke, paranoid and on his own. Then he started the podcast with the aim of trying to work out what the fuck was wrong with him, and what the fuck was going on. He’s remarkably open, sincere and frank on the podcast, talking in great detail about his personal feelings and problems. Sometimes it feels like he’s complaining and moaning in a very self indulgent way, but I have to admit that it’s one of the most engaging podcasts I listen to. It’s really raw, real and gripping and I find that I learn all kinds of things about the human condition from listening to it. No other interview show or podcast goes so deep into feelings, motivations and choices. In each episode he talks about his life for about 15 minutes, including difficult choices, damaged relationships or just anecdotes about social situations he’s found himself in. Then he invites a guest on the show, usually a comedian, actor or musician, and talks to them about their whole career, dealing with their whole life story really. The thing is, Marc is an excellent interviewer and he has a particular talent for engaging with his guests in a very honest and open way. His interviews are really revealing, and he gets under the skin of his guests brilliantly. Sometimes he’s so close to the bone that the interviews are quite uncomfortable and awkward, even confrontational, as Marc attempts to challenge his guests to explain themselves and answer their critics and so on. The result is a really fascinating listening experience, which can be amusing, revealing and touching. It’s also particularly inspiring for me because Marc has rebuilt his career on the back of the success of his podcast. In fact, the podcast has completely revived him as a stand-up and now he has his own TV show, he has successful books published and he regularly sells out theatres for his one man comedy performances. It just proves to me that podcasts are a really valuable and valid form of media communication – just as valid as traditional forms like radio or television.
Listen to: Episode 500 – from 1:16

1. Mark Kermode & Simon Mayo’s Film Review (UK)
This is my favourite podcast and the one which I have been listening to for the longest time. I first started downloading this podcast back in 2006 but I’ve been listening to Mark Kermode and Simon Mayo talk about films on BBC radio for many years. Mark used to be the film reviewer on radio 1 in the 1990s and Simon has been on the radio for even longer than that.
There are several great things about this podcast. One of them is the interplay between Simon and Mark. Mark Kermode is a very well-respected and highly qualified film critic. He’s an academic, he’s written books and made documentaries about films and he really knows what he’s talking about. He can be a bit pretentious and annoying, but really we love him because he has strong beliefs, and a genuine passion for films. In fact, his principles (which are sort of left-wing really) are what guide his approach to movie reviews. He tends to passionately rant about the films he loves and hates, speaking very quickly, using all kinds of imagery, stubbornly arguing against big-budget brainless Hollywood films like Transformers or Sex In The City. He often gets very angry and worked up about films he’s reviewing – going on and on in a very amusing way about exactly what is so awful about a certain film he’s seen. Simon on the other hand is the calm voice of the ordinary man. He is a reasonable guy who doesn’t get so hysterical about films and this provides a really great counterpoint to Mark’s obsessional approach to his film reviews. Mark gets angry, Simon stays calm. Mark passionately hates a film, Simon then says that he quite enjoyed it, and Mark nearly explodes! They argue, they bicker, and they regularly witter on about nothing in particular. In fact, this is is a podcast about films, but it’s not really about films, it’s about everything really, but the subject of movies is what holds the show together. Mark and Simon complement each other perfectly. They have slightly differing world-views, but they also have a lot of things in common – their age, the fact that they have families and so on. Although they argue and pick on each other, they clearly have a lot of affection for each other. Ultimately, this is a heart warming listening experience which also teaches you lots of things about movies. Highlights for me are the running jokes, the emails from listeners, and Mark’s epic rants about films that he hates. The podcast is available on the BBC and is uploaded every week. I highly recommend it – but it’s just my own personal choice. It’s one of the most popular podcasts in the UK. It’s recorded while they do their radio show, then edited and uploaded immediately after the show is broadcast on BBC 5 Live.
Listen to: One of Mark’s epic rants. (Pirates of the Caribbean)

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234. Making “Choons” with My Brother

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Hi everyone, how are you doing? In this episode I’m joined again by my brother James. The last time you heard from him he was talking about how he had dislocated his shoulder after falling off his skateboard. In this episode he gives us an update on his shoulder injury and then we talk about the music (his “choons”) that he has been making recently. What is a “choon”? Basically, it’s a “tune” – a piece of music, typically a piece of dance music, hip-hop, house music, drum & bass or techno. When you hear a really good tune, it’s quite typical to say “Ah this is a CHOOOON!” My brother makes instrumental hip-hop CHOONS. You can hear him talking about his music making process in this episode. [Download this episode] [Update 2021: Jim has lots of new music on Bandcamp which you should check out here –> https://jimthompson.bandcamp.com/music ]

Jim’s Choons
Jim is quite modest about his music making, but for years he has been quietly producing lots of instrumental hip-hop on his own using an old Akai MPC2000, which is a bit of music making hardware used by some of the most well known hip-hop, drum and bass and techno producers from the past 15 years or more. Jim bought a second-hand MPC2000 about 5 years ago and he’s been learning how to use it, producing lots of tracks, and they’re getting better and better all the time, and now he’s at a point where he’s released a 10 track album which is available for purchase online via the website Bandcamp – click here to listen to or download his albums. He doesn’t like to talk about his stuff too much because it’s very personal, but in this episode he was quite willing to talk about how he comes up with ideas and how he then turns them into pieces of music. In our conversation you’ll hear us using various technical language related to music and music production.

Download Jim’s Album
Jim’s album is available here: Jim’s page on Bandcamp
You can download it free, or if you think he deserves to be paid, you can choose to purchase the music and you can choose the price! $0 – $1,000,000 – it’s your choice.

Listen to Jim’s tune “Sympathy” (Unofficial remix of “Life’s a Bitch” by Nas) on YouTube here:

230. Can You Learn a Language in 6 Months?

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This episode is based on a TEDx presentation by Chris Lonsdale, who claims that any normal adult can learn a language within 6 months. Is that really possible? What method of learning does Chris propose? How does this relate to listening to Luke’s English Podcast? You can see the video of Chris Lonsdale’s talk, with a transcript below. [Download]

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Chris Lonsdale’s TEDx Talk (transcript below)

Transcript of Chris Lonsdale’s Presentation
How to learn any language in six months: Chris Lonsdale
Have you ever held a question in mind for so long that it becomes part of how you think? Maybe even part of who you are as a person? Well I’ve had a question in my mind for many, many years and that is: how can you speed up learning? Now, this is an interesting question because if you speed up learning you can spend less time at school. And if you learn really fast, you probably wouldn’t have to go to school at all. Now, when I was young, school was sort of okay but I found quite often that school got in the way of learning, so I had this question in mind: how do you learn faster? And this began when I was very, very young, when I was about eleven years old I wrote a letter to researchers in the Soviet Union, asking about hypnopaedia, this is sleep learning, where you get a tape recorder, you put it beside your bed and it turns on in the middle of the night when you’re sleeping, and you’re supposed to be learning from this. A good idea, unfortunately it doesn’t work. But, hypnopaedia did open the doors to research in other areas and we’ve had incredible discoveries about learning that began with that first question.
I went on from there to become passionate about psychology and I have been involved in psychology in many ways for the rest of my life up until this point. In 1981 I took myself to China and I decided that I was going to be native level in Chinese inside two years. Now, you need to understand that in 1981, everybody thought Chinese was really, really difficult and that a westerner could study for ten years or more and never really get very good at it. And I also went in with a different idea which was: taking all of the conclusions from psychological research up to that point and applying them to the learning process. What was really cool was that in six months I was fluent in Mandarin Chinese and took a little bit longer to get up to native. But I looked around and I saw all of these people from different countries struggling terribly with Chinese, I saw Chinese people struggling terribly to learn English and other languages, and so my question got refined down to: how can you help a normal adult learn a new language quickly, easily and effectively? Now this a really, really important question in today’s world. We have massive challenges with environment we have massive challenges with social dislocation, with wars, all sorts of things going on and if we can’t communicate we’re really going to have difficulty solving these problems. So we need to be able to speak each other’s languages, this is really, really important. The question then is how do you do that. Well, it’s actually really easy. You look around for people who can already do it, you look for situations where it’s already working and then you identify the principles and apply them. It’s called modelling and I’ve been looking at language learning and modelling language learning for about fifteen to twenty years now. And my conclusion, my observation from this is that any adult can learn a second language to fluency inside six months. Now when I say this, most people think I’m crazy, this is not possible. So let me remind everybody of the history of human progress, it’s all about expanding our limits.
In 1950 everybody believed that running one mile in four minutes was impossible and then Roger Bannister did it in 1956 and from there it’s got shorter and shorter. 100 years ago everybody believed that heavy stuff doesn’t fly. Except it does and we all know this. How does heavy stuff fly? We reorganise the material using principles that we have learned from observing nature, birds in this case. And today we’ve gone ever further, so you can fly a car. You can buy one of these for a couple hundred thousand US dollars. We now have cars in the world that can fly. And there’s a different way to fly that we’ve learned from squirrels. So all you need to do is copy what a flying squirrel does, build a suit called a wing suit and off you go, you can fly like a squirrel. Now, most people, a lot of people, I wouldn’t say everybody but a lot of people think they can’t draw. However there are some key principles, five principles that you can apply to learning to draw and you can
actually learn to draw in five days. So, if you draw like this, you learn these principles for five days and apply them and after five days you can draw something like this. Now I know this is true because that was my first drawing and after five days of applying these principles that was what I was able to do. And I looked at this and I went ‘wow,’ so that’s how I look like when I’m concentrating so intensely that my brain is exploding.
So, anybody can learn to draw in five days and in the same way, with the same logic, anybody can learn a second language in six months. How? There are five principles and seven actions. There may be a few more but these are absolutely core. And before I get into those I just want to talk about two myths, dispel two myths. The first is that you need talent. Let me tell you about Zoe. Zoe came from Australia, went to Holland, was trying to learn Dutch, struggling extremely … a great deal and finally people were saying: ‘you’re completely useless,’ ‘you’re not talented,’ ‘give up,’ ‘you’re a waste of time’ and she was very, very depressed. And then she came across these five principles, she moved to Brazil and she applied them and within six months she was fluent in Portuguese, so talent doesn’t matter. People also think that immersion in a new country is the way to learn a language. But look around Hong Kong, look at all the westerners who’ve been here for ten years, who don’t speak a word of Chinese. Look at all the Chinese living in America, Britain, Australia, Canada have been there ten, twenty year and they don’t speak any English. Immersion per se does not work. Why? Because a drowning man cannot learn to swim. When you don’t speak a language you’re like a baby and if you drop yourself into a context which is all adults talking about stuff over your head, you won’t learn.
So, what are the five principles that you need to pay attention to? First: four words, attention, meaning, relevance and memory, and these interconnect in very important ways. Especially when you’re talking about learning. Come with me on a journey through a forest. You go on a walk through a forest and you see something like this. Little marks on a tree, maybe you pay attention, maybe you don’t. You go another fifty metres and you see this. You should be paying attention. Another fifty metres, if you haven’t been paying attention, you see this. And at this point, you’re paying attention. And you’ve just learned that this is important, it’s relevant because it means this, and anything that is related, any information related to your survival is stuff that you’re going to pay attention to and therefore you’re going to remember it. If it’s related to your personal goals then you’re going to pay attention to it, if it’s relevant you’re going to remember it.
So, the first rule, the first principle for learning a language is focus on language content that is relevant to you. Which brings us to tools. We master tools by using tools and we learn tools the fastest when they are relevant to us. So let me share a story. A keyboard is a tool. Typing Chinese a certain way, there are methods for this. That’s a tool. I had a colleague many years ago who went to night school; Tuesday night, Thursday night, two hours each night, practicing at home, she spent nine months, and she did not learn to type Chinese. And one night we had a crisis. We had forty- eight hours to deliver a training manual in Chinese. And she got the job, and I can guarantee you in forty-eight hours, she learned to type Chinese because it was relevant, it was meaningful, it was important, she was using a tool to create value. So the second tool for learning a language is to use your language as a tool to communicate right from day one. As a kid does. When I first arrived in China I didn’t speak a word of Chinese, and on my second week I got to take a train ride overnight. I spent eight hours sitting in the dining care talking to one of the guards on the train, he took an interest in me for some reason, and we just chatted all night in Chinese and he was drawing pictures and making movements with his hands and facial expressions and piece by piece by piece I understood more and more. But what was really cool, was two weeks later, when people were talking Chinese around me, I was understanding some of this and I hadn’t even made any effort to learn that. What had happened, I’d absorbed it that night on the train, which brings us to the third principle. When you first understand the message, then you will acquire the language unconsciously. And this is really, really well documented now, it’s something called comprehensible input and there’s twenty or thirty years of research on this, Stephen Krashen, a leader in the field has published all sorts of these different studies and this is just from one of them. The purple bars show the scores on different tests for language. The purple people were people who had learned by grammar and formal study, the green ones are the ones who learned by comprehensible input. So, comprehension works. Comprehension is key and language learning is not about accumulating lots of knowledge. In many, many ways it’s about physiological training. A woman I know from Taiwan did great at English at school, she got A grades all the way through, went through college, A grades, went to the US and found she couldn’t understand what people were saying. And people started asking her: ‘Are you deaf?’ And she was. English deaf. Because we have filters in our brain that filter in the sounds that we are familiar with and they filter out the sounds of languages we’re not. And if you can’t hear it, you won’t understand it and if you can’t understand it, you’re not going to learn it. So you actually have to be able to hear these sounds. And there are ways to do that but it’s physiological training. Speaking takes muscle. You’ve got forty-three muscles in your face, you have to coordinate those in a way that you make sounds that other people will understand. If you’ve ever done a new sport for a couple of days, and you know how your body feels? It hurts. If your face is hurting you’re doing it right.
And the final principle is state. Psycho-physiological state. If you’re sad, angry, worried, upset, you’re not going to learn. Period. If you’re happy, relaxed, in an Alpha brain state, curious, you’re going to learn really quickly, and very specifically you need to be tolerant of ambiguity. If you’re one of those people who needs to understand 100% every word you’re hearing, you will go nuts, because you’ll be incredibly upset all the time, because you’re not perfect. If you’re comfortable with getting some, not getting some, just paying attention to what you do understand, you’re going to be fine, you’ll be relaxed and you’ll be learning quickly. So based on those five principles, what are the seven actions that you need to take?
Number one: listen a lot. I call it Brain Soaking. You put yourself in a context where you’re hearing tons and tons of a language and it doesn’t matter if you understand it or not. You’re listening to the rhythms, you’re listening to things that repeat, you’re listening to things that stand out. So, just soak your brain in this.
The second action: is that you get the meaning first, even before you get the words. You go “Well how do I do that, I don’t know the words?” Well, you understand what these different postures mean. Human communication is body language in many, many ways, so much body language. From body language you can understand a lot of communication, therefore, you’re understanding, you’re acquiring through comprehensible input. And you can also use patterns that you already know. If you’re a Chinese speaker of Mandarin and Cantonese and you go Vietnam, you will understand 60% of what they say to you in daily conversation, because Vietnamese is about 30% Mandarin, 30% Cantonese.
The third action: start mixing. You probably have never thought of this but if you’ve got ten verbs, ten nouns and ten adjectives you can say one thousand different things. Language is a creative process. What do babies do? Okay: Me. Bat(h). Now. Okay, that’s how they communicate. So start mixing, get creative, have fun with it, it doesn’t have to be perfect, it just has to work. And when you’re doing this you focus on the core. What does that mean? Well with every language there is high frequency content. In English, 1000 words covers 85% of anything you’re ever going to say in daily communication. 3000 words gives you 98% of anything you’re going to say in daily conversation. You got 3000 words, you’re speaking the language. The rest is icing on the cake. And when you’re just beginning with a new language start with the tool box. Week number one in your new language you say things like: ‘how do you say that?’ ‘I don’t understand,’ ‘repeat that please,’ ‘what does that mean,’ all in your target language. You’re using it as a tool, making it useful to you, it’s relevant to learn other things about the language. By week two that you should be saying things like: ‘me,’ ‘this,’ ‘you,’ ‘that,’ ‘give,’ you know, ‘hot,’ simple pronouns, simple nouns, simple verbs, simple adjectives, communicating like a baby. And by the third or fourth week, you’re getting into what I call glue words. ‘Although,’ ‘but,’ ‘therefore,’ these are logical transformers that tie bits of a language together, allowing you to make more complex meaning. At that point you’re talking. And when you’re doing that, you should get yourself a language parent. If you look at how children and parents interact, you’ll understand what this means. When a child is speaking, it’ll be using simple words, simple combinations, sometimes quite strange, sometimes very strange pronunciation and other people from outside the family don’t understand it. But the parents do. And so the kid has a safe environment, gets confidence. The parents talk to the children with body language and with simple language they know the child understands. So we have a comprehensible input environment that’s safe, we know it works otherwise none of you would speak your mother tongue. So you get yourself a language parent, who’s somebody interested in you as a person who will communicate with you essentially as an equal, but pay attention to help you understand the message. There are four rules of a language parent. Spouses by the way are not very good at this, okay? But the four rules are, first of all, they will work hard to understand what you mean even when you’re way off beat. Secondly, they will never correct your mistakes. Thirdly they will feedback their understanding of what you are saying so you can respond appropriately and get that feedback and then they will use words that you know.
The sixth thing you have to do, is copy the face. You got to get the muscles working right, so you can sound in a way that people will understand you. There’s a couple of things you do. One is that you hear how it feels, and feel how it sounds which means you have a feedback loop operating in your face, but ideally, if you can look at a native speaker and just observe how they use their face, let your unconscious mind absorb the rules, then you’re going to be able to pick it up. And if you can’t get a native speaker to look at, you can use stuff like this: [slides].
And the final idea here, the final action you need to take is something that I call “direct connect.” What does this mean? Well most people learning a second language sort of take the mother tongue words and take the target words and go over them again and again in their mind to try and remember them. Really inefficient. What you need to do is realise that everything you know is an image inside your mind, it’s feelings, if you talk about fire you can smell the smoke you can hear the crackling, you can see the flames. So what you do, is you go into that imagery and all of that memory and you come out with another pathway. So I call it ‘same box, different path.’ You come out of that pathway, you build it over time you become more and more skilled at just connecting the new sounds to those images that you already have, into that internal representation. And over time you even become naturally good at that process, that becomes unconscious.
So, there are five principles that you need to work with, seven actions, if you do any of them, you’re going to improve. And remember these are things under your control as the learner. Do them all and you’re going to be fluent in a second language in six months.
Thank you.

Comments Thread from YouTube

sorin86yt

Incredible stupid ideas. An incredible collection of sophisms. A stupid guy who has no idea about language learning. And it is supported by “studies”. Of course, you can “speak” Chinese in 10 days, but that will be “hello” and “thank you”. This video is a mockery. This moron cannot even understand the role of grammar. Grammar is not some torture that you sadistically apply to students. Grammar is the short(est)cut to make students understand how that language works: This moron doesn’t even know that there are a lot of people who can’t even speak their mother tongue properly. But “EVERYBODY” will learn a foreign language in 6 months. Will they go to their jobs in the mean time? Take care of their family matters? Sleep? Follow his advice and you’ll speak that language the way lowly-educated immigrants do.

Marcus T Anthony

Have you considered the possibility that you don’t understand the subject matter? What would happen if, instead of opposing ideas which contradict yours, you tried embracing them?

Radouane Rabei

I don’t know how or where you get the nerve to be able to say something like ‘Incredible stupid ideas’ and ‘A stupid guy who has no idea about language learning.’ when everything you say after that proves, you actually know absolutely nothing about language learning. How many languages did you have to learn other than English?

If it takes you 10 days to learn “hello” and “thank you” in Chinese, or any other language for that matter, that’s called a learning disability, you might wanna have that checked.

I learnt to speak English a while back in less than six months, but English is not the best example because it is such a practical language (you use 30% less words in general to say something in English than you would if you say it in French), I honestly think it is one of, if not the easiest language to pick up, I love it

Here is another genius statement

‘Grammar is the short(est)cut to make students understand how that language works’

I was perfectly fluent in French before I knew anything about French grammar, and in fact for French that would be the long(est)cut, French is a very impractical language, with ridiculous grammar rules.

This man in the video talks a lot of sense, if you really apply everything he says it would take the average person less than six months to speak any language pretty well, I have done it myself twice, and seen it done countless times with friends I grew up with .

Does this mean we should all start fires at our local libraries, and ban language classes, no of course not

Are you gonna be perfect in that language in six months, no, but it will be much easier for you to learn grammar after if you still really want to.

sorin86yt

+Marcus T Anthony Actually, no, I haven’t. I have 20+ years of experience in language tutoring. I tried some of the new stupid fast-food methods and they are what they are: deceptions. All these fast-food ways have appeared for commercial reasons. They fool potential clients that learning can be miraculously shortened, and also that any moron can learn a foreign language. This way language teaching businesses attract more clients willing to take short-cuts. There are also a lot morons exited by “revolutionary” ideas, like teenagers, and really believe that the man who will live 300 years is already born.

Jaime Benito de Valle Ruiz

For your information, Chris is almost native-like in Mandarin (I’ve heard him), so I am sure he knows a thing or two about learning a difficult foreign language well, regardless of what is trying to sell us. How about you? I guess you must have mastered dozens of languages to make your claims about how stupid these methods are, right? What he is saying overlaps a lot with the advice I’ve heard from others polyglots, so I don’t think it is as silly as you think… unless you are the indisputable king of languages, that is.

By the way, while I first had a placement in a language school, I saw a few students becoming reasonably fluent in other languages within 4 months, to my surprise, and a lot of them within 6 months, and I don’t mean saying hello and goodbye, but maintaining a fluent conversation for hours on topics as complex as politics or sociology, or discussing their cultural or banking problems, as well as being able to read a newspaper without effort and comfortably watching movies without subtitles. Granted, some occasional mistakes here and there sometimes, but good enough to function efficiently in a professional working environment (where they also say hello and goodbye too).

One last thing: almost no native speaker in any language has any conscious knowledge of their own grammar. Grammar is great for understanding how a language works, if that is what you want, but it won’t even guarantee that you’ll be able to speak or even understand the language. Grammar is to languages a bit like a book of human physiology is to playing a sport. And I know because I am a grammar freak.

Paul Coffey

+sorin86yt Given your 20+ years of tutoring experience, I’m curious to hear what alternative methods you would propose. Like many of the people who have left comments here, my lived experience of getting to fluency in two new languages (Mandarin Chinese and Cantonese Chinese) matches very closely the methods that Chris is talking about.

For example, he talked about acquiring the language based on prior understanding (i.e. the comprehensible input approach). Based on my experience in China, I found that watching movies in their original English, and then repeatedly watching them with the Chinese audio dubbing, was very useful to me. Watching them in English allowed me to first understand the story, and then re-watching them in Chinese enabled me to take advantage of the comprehensible input environment.

Having said that, I’ve only got my own personal experience to go by. Clearly, your own experience is somewhat at odds with what Chris is saying. Could you share a little more about what has worked for you?

Truthseeker1961

People like ”sorin86yt” who have been deeply entrenched in their respective fields ALWAYS have knee-jerk reactions to new ideas and new methods because THEIR way is the ONLY way, and they don’t want to hear anything about it outside of their norm, and the 6 people who ”liked” his comment are staunch defenders of the status quo no matter what advances are introduced now, or anytime in the future.

sorin86yt

I kinda knew I was going to stir up such comments from delusional people. However, Youtube comments is not the right place for scientific debates.

Almost each minutes of this video contains something stupid. We can only try to point out some of the cheats. The most obvious one is the arbitrary duration: 6 months! Why 6 months and not 6m and 1w? Or 5m and 2w? What exactly does that person do during those 6 months? Only travelling by train in that country? Do they sleep? Do they have a job? Do they see after their family? Are they healthy?

Any competent language teacher will tell you that “6 months” is meaningless. The learning process is estimated by professionals in HOURS!!!! Take my intermediate-level English course. The “average” student (“average” – another approximation that kills the idea of a fixed time) will need about 80 hours of instruction with the teacher, and then about the double in individual study (homework, practice, listening etc). A rough total of 240 hours. What is that in calendar time? Nobody can foresee!! If the student happens to have a lot of time to dedicate to the foreign language, let’s say 6 hours/day, we calculate 40 days, which happens to be about 5 times faster that the moron in the video claims. :) (Not mentioning that 240 hours mathematically equals 10 full days!). However, this doesn’t happen in real time. That “average” student has a job, a family, a hobby, (a disease maybe?), he has to sleep, to eat, to drive… Eventually, it comes down to about 6 hours/week (2 in class and 4 outside), which suggests 40 weeks (a little more than 9 months, not bad, huh?). However, that too rarely happens in real life. In a nine months’ time both the student and the teacher will have holidays, or business travels, or sick leaves… It may go up to 1 year and beyond. BUT the orientation line is always the number of hours. Not X months.

The next level of deception in this video is about the student. Who is that student? Whoever has ever taught anything knows students are of various “speeds” (because of talent (of course, talent matters hugely, morons!), previous knowledge, motivation, practice environment, how serious the student is about learning….). What is “6 months” for a student might be “3 months” for another one or “12 months” for another one (or even “never”!).

This video looks just like a stupid teleshopping presentation where they want to make us believe that the kitchen knife is the most spectacular invention of mankind.

229. Zombies! (Part 2)

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This is the second in a 2-part series all about zombies. In part 1 I talked about the zombie in popular culture, analysis of the zombie as a metaphor and then some rules for surviving the zombie apocalypse. To listen to part 1 – click here. In episode 2 I’m going to take a couple of zombie survival quizzes and then do a language focus on conditionals. [Download]

Part 2: Zombie Survival
The Zombieland 32 Rules of Zombie Survival
Pick a survival quiz and go through it.
The Ultimate Zombie Apocalypse Survival Quiz
The Walking Dead Survival Test

Part 3: Conditionals
I’m going to explain them and give examples. For pronunciation you should repeat the sentences after me. Listen for connected speech and weak forms.

Generally speaking, conditionals refer to sentences with an ‘if’ clause (the conditional clause) and a consequence clause. Sometimes other conjunctions are used, like ‘when’, ‘as soon as’ or ‘unless’.

0 Conditionals
These are used to refer to facts that are always true and the consequences that always happen. It’s a present tense in the ‘if’ clause and a present tense in the consequence clause. For example, “When the sun comes up, the day begins” or “When the sun goes down, the night-time begins and all the evil monsters come out!”
Sometimes we use “when” instead of “if” and this just emphasises that this always happens. Using “if” suggests that it doesn’t always happen, but nevertheless the consequence is always the same. “If I talk about zombies, my girlfriend gets scared”. You could also say, “Every time” or “whenever”.

Also, we can use imperatives in the conditional clause. “If I get bitten, shoot me in the head before I turn into a zombie.”

1st Conditionals
These are used to talk about a future event (which you think is likely) and its logical consequence. It uses a present tense in the ‘if’ clause and a future form in the consequence.
*Don’t put ‘will’ (or any future form) into the ‘if’ clause.
“Shh! Be quiet! If you make too much noise you’ll attract more zombies!”
“If we see another zombie again I’ll lose my mind”
Use ‘when’ to emphasise that you think it’s definitely going to happen.
“When we arrive, we’ll need to check all the rooms for walkers”
Use ‘as soon as’ to emphasise that the consequence will happen immediately.
“As soon as he comes in the room, I’ll smash him in the head with this baseball bat!”

2nd Conditionals
Use these when you’re talking about hypothetical future or present events – not the past. For the future it means things that you don’t expect to happen, but you’re speculating on them anyway. If you think they’re likely, use 1st conditionals. If you think they’re unlikely, use a 2nd conditional. Use a past tense in the ‘if’ clause and then would in the other clause.
*Don’t put ‘would’ in the if clause.
“If I met a zombie in real life, I’d probably be fine”
“You’d be screwed if you met a zombie in real life”
“I reckon I’d survive if a zombie outbreak happened”
It’s also for imagining an alternative present.
“If I was a zombie I’d just stay at home.”
“If I were you I’d get yourself a weapon.”

3rd Conditionals
Here we are imagining an alternative past. It’s not the real past, but a hypothetical one. Use ‘had + past participle’ in the ‘if’ clause and then ‘would + have + past participle’ in the other clause. This one’s tricky because of all the auxiliary verbs.
“If you hadn’t saved me I would have been absolutely fucked” (You saved me and I wasn’t absolutely fucked)
“If he’d been more careful he wouldn’t have got bitten”.
“We wouldn’t have survived very long if we hadn’t stayed together!”

Mixed Conditionals
This could be a hypothetical past action with a present result.
“If he’d been more careful he’d be alive today”

Or a hypothetical present with a past result (yes it’s possible).
“If the government wasn’t so corrupt, this would never have happened.”

That’s it!

228. Zombies! (Part 1)

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This is part 1 of a two-part series about zombies! Right-click here to download.

This episode is all about zombies – the undead, flesh eaters, walkers, biters, the infected – whatever you want to call them, zombies have become an indelible part of our popular culture now. There are zombies in the cinemas, zombies on TV in shows like AMC’s The Walking Dead, zombies in computer games, zombies online, even zombie walks in which people get together in large groups in order to dress up like zombies and walk around going “uhhhhh”. We’re pretty obsessed by zombies, and I am too. I love zombies and zombie films. Maybe that makes me some kind of sick and twisted individual, but I’m not alone. In fact, I think that zombies are perhaps as popular and present in our culture as vampires and ghosts. But, what is some of the history behind the zombie phenomenon? Where do they come from? What do they want? Why are we obsessed by zombies? How can you survive if zombies really attack? And, how do we talk about zombies in English? That’s the focus of this extra-special and extra-creepy episode of Luke’s English Podcast.

This episode is in 3 parts (and 2 episodes). In the first part we’re going to examine the zombie as a popular cultural phenomenon, then in the second part I’m going to test my survival skills by taking a zombie survival quiz. You can join me as I make various decisions that will affect my chances of surviving the zombie apocalypse. In part 3 we’re going to consider some conditional structures. That’s 0, 1st, 2nd, 3rd and mixed conditionals.

Part 1. The Zombie in Popular Culture
Zombies seem to be more popular than ever, but why? (The Walking Dead, zombie films like Zombieland, Shaun of the Dead and computer games like Left 4 Dead or Resident Evil)

The origin of the word “zombie”.
The concept has been popularly associated with the Vodou religion, but it plays no part in that faith’s formal practices.
In Haitian folklore, a zombie is an animated corpse raised by magical means, such as witchcraft. Zombies featured widely in Haitian rural folklore, as dead persons physically revived by the act of necromancy of a bokor sorcerer (the bokor is a witch-like figure). Zombies remain under the control of the bokor as their personal slaves, since they have no will of their own. Some people say that zombie voodoo magic is real, but others claim that it’s just a chemical or hypnotic control of a living person – causing them to act like mindless slaves of the bokor sorcerer. That’s certainly very creepy and fascinating from a social, biological, chemical and psychological point of view.

The history of zombies in movies and games
There were a few books and films made in the 1930s that used the voodoo legend to create creepy stories, but it wasn’t until I Am Legend, a 1954 horror fiction novel by American writer Richard Matheson and then principally the film “Night of the Living Dead” by George A. Romero that zombies properly entered popular culture. Romero’s film created the image of the zombie that we know today: dead people who return from the grave – the undead, who pray on the living and feed on their flesh, a world in chaos, the individual against masses of brainless enemies. One of the most interesting things about Night of the Living Dead is the subtext of the film. The hero is a black man in America, during the era of the civil rights movement. The ending is particularly relevant as we see that not only does the hero have to deal with the zombies, he also has to deal with the living and their prejudice.

George A. Romero went on to make a number of other zombie films, and really defined the genre and the whole zombie subculture, including most of the ‘rules’ for zombies and the general standards by which all other zombie culture is measured. The thing about zombie movies, and zombie culture in general is that there is always some kind of subtext – a criticism of consumer culture, a comment on the horror of the uneducated masses or the brainlessness of the population at large. For example in his 1978 classic “Dawn of the Dead” the main characters find shelter in a large shopping mall. The zombies too choose to go to the mall, but only out of some distant memory of being alive – they brainlessly walk around the mall in death just like they brainlessly walked around the mall in life. I suppose the subtext is that consumer culture is turning us into mindless mall zombies – unable to think for ourselves, acting like sheep, easily manipulated by marketing, branding and the allure of materialism.

Computer games took over from movies in the 1990s with the release of the Japanese computer game series “Resident Evil” which perfectly captured the lingering dread, the sudden horror and enjoyment of the zombie subculture. Resident Evil…

Then around the millennium we got Danny Boyle’s film “24 Days Later” which brought back zombies, but with a twist. They’re now able to run really fast! This re-booted zombie movies and it wasn’t long before we got a remake of Dawn of the Dead complete with running zombies.

The genre began to ‘eat itself’ and got even more postmodern with the brilliant comedy/horror/romcom (zom-rom-com) “Shaun of the Dead” which was directed by Edgar Wright and starred Simon Pegg and Nick Frost. This is such a brilliant film as it combined the romantic comedy with the zombie movie. In it we follow Shaun, who is not going anywhere in his life. In fact, he is becoming increasingly like a zombie by not challenging himself, being lazy and unabitious, getting stuck in a routine. His girlfriend dumps him and he has to grow up, realise his responsibilities, change his life and try to get her back. While this is all happening to him he doesn’t realise that London has become over-run with zombies. He ends up having to battle them while also saving the girl he loves. It works on lots of levels, it’s quite scary and it’s really funny.

More recently the film Zombieland was a big hit. That was an American made comedy featuring zombies and it’s definitely worth checking out. Now we have the massive hit TV show “The Walking Dead” which is one of the most successful American shows on TV at the moment. At it’s worst it’s just a soap opera with zombies. At it’s best it is a terrifying look at the ways in which people have to survive genuine hardship – how it unites people, how it tests courage and fortitude and how it can test the limits of a person’s morality.

Rules of Zombies
Like vampires, zombies have rules too. Let’s just evaluate those rules.
They’re ‘undead’, meaning they were dead and have come back to life.
You have to die to become a zombie.
Usually you become a zombie by being bitten by one. The bite kills you by infecting you with a virus and then you turn into a zombie.
Usually zombies are caused by some kind of virus, but the outbreak can have more mysterious origins.
Often the cause of the outbreak is somehow connected with the actions of secretive government departments. It’s usually the government’s fault. They’ve been doing medical tests, testing on animals, or have caused some kind of radiation leak that somehow causes the dead to come back to life and start feeding on the living.
Zombies have a taste for human flesh, not dead flesh, although they have been known to feast on recently deceased bodies.
They don’t have super powers, although their powers are a bit ambiguous. Do their muscles retain their full strength? Probably. What actually causes them to move? We’re not always sure. I think it’s an infection of the central nervous system which causes the brain to ‘turn’ and then operate the muscles, usually with one intention – to feed on living flesh, especially brains.
How do you kill a zombie?
You have to remove the head or destroy the brain. That’s it.
Zombies are quite sensitive to sound, and they can see.
If you don’t do that, the zombies will keep on coming, even crawling across the floor without legs.
Some things I’m not sure of: How long can zombies keep going? Can they swim? Is it possible to hide among zombies if you copy them? If you remove their jaws and teeth do they become harmless?

What do zombies represent to us? Some different ‘readings’ of the zombie as a metaphor.
– Disease or viral infection
– The herd mentality of people in society – mindless followers of religion, politicians, or social convention and the way that zombies want to annihilate individuality.
– The drudgery of every day life. Habits turn us into zombies.
– Consumer society and cultural imperialism.
– Fear of overpopulation and the potential for catastrophe, or natural disaster.
– Blaming the establishment (it’s usually due to a failing by the government, or some big thing which is out of the control of ordinary people)
– USA Libertarian fantasy
– Back to basics fantasy
– Post-apocalyptic fantasy

Part 2: Zombie Survival
The Zombieland 32 Rules of Zombie Survival

That’s it! Click here for episode 229. Zombies! (Part 2)
Videos
Nick Frost & Simon Pegg’s Guide to zZombies:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

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