Category Archives: Culture

206. Summer in London (Part 2)

Hi and welcome back to this special episode of LEP in which you join me on a walk through central London. [Download]

Let’s re-cap on what happened in part 1. (ooh the excitement)
– I recorded this last week when I was on holiday staying at a friend’s flat in Stockwell
– I needed to go into town to visit the doctor’s for a couple of immunisation injections before going on holiday to Indonesia
– I decided to take a nice walking route to the doctors, from Victoria Underground Station, in front of Buckingham Palace, past some Royal Guards and a guy selling skunk, past some ducks, joggers & tourists, across the mall and up towards Picadilly Circus.
– We ended part one with me walking up Haymarket, towards Picadilly Circus in order to get some lunch & coffee in Soho before heading towards Wimpole Street near Oxford Circus for my jabs.
– As I said on the previous episode, London is a very noisy city so I really apologise for any background noise which makes it hard for you to hear what I’m saying. I hope you it doesn’t stop you from enjoying this trip through central London on a hot summer day.

In this episode I’ll take you through some touristy areas, some cool spots, and we’ll also investigate some of the more seedy parts of central London that you might not notice as a tourist.

Let’s go!

Music: “Day on the Town” by Madness. Click here to download it on iTunes.

205. Summer in London (Part 1)

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Hello everyone! Welcome to another episode. This one was recorded last week when I was on holiday in London, and in this episode you can listen to me walking through central London and talking to you along the way. I really enjoyed recording this episode and I think you’re going to enjoy listening to it too because it’ll be like you’re actually there with me, strolling around some of my favourite parts of town, hearing all the sounds of London around you as we go. I think it’s going to be great, but before we start I’d just like to mention a couple of things as a preface to the episode. [Right-click here to download]

London can be a noisy place and so, unfortunately, a lot of the recording I made on this day was not completely clear enough to broadcast because my voice got a bit drowned out by atmospheric noise. You might find that some of it is a little bit difficult to hear, and in fact I had to completely edit out large sections of the episode because the noise level was just too high. When I listened back to some of it, I was quite annoyed to discover that the sound of busses, cars, trains and wind made it quite difficult to hear my voice clearly. I’ve managed to edit out some of the bad bits, and explain the missing content by talking to you here in post-production, but some of the remaining parts might still be a little difficult to hear. If you do find some of this too noisy to listen to then I’m sorry and I understand, but I still hope it’s possible for you to follow almost all of what I’m saying.

I really wanted to upload this episode despite the noise. I think it will be quite an interesting one, as you can take a personal trip with me through some of my favourite parts of central London and I expect that most of you are probably not bothered by the noise and are happy to join my on a walk. I love London and I’m proud to present it to you, even in audio form, and I think this episode can give you quite a real feeling of actually being there with me. It would be a pity to waste the several hours of talking that I recorded just because some people would not tolerate the noise. So, I’ve decided to just upload it anyway, even if the audio quality is not perfect.

I know what most of you are thinking – it’s fine Luke, it doesn’t matter! Don’t worry about it! I appreciate that. But for those of you who are sensitive to a bit of background noise I just want to say – I know this episode is a bit noisy – but that’s just London for you! It’s a noisy place! I suggest you write a letter to London’s mayor Boris Johnson to complain!

“Dear Mr Johnson,

Recently while listening to an award-winning podcast by Luke Thompson (I’m sure you know it) I was saddened to discover that parts of the episode were inaudible due to frankly unacceptable levels of noise caused by London’s busses and traffic. So, I am writing this letter in order to complain about this matter, and suggest in the strongest possible terms that you do something about it! Maybe introduce a noise-tax, or simply ban busses and taxis from operating within central London. I appreciate that businesses and services need to operate with vehicles, but this simply cannot be allowed to interrupt our enjoyment of Luke’s English Podcast.

Yours sincerely,

L.E. Pepper
The Republic of Freedonia”

OK, I realise I’m going a bit too far, it’s not that big an issue really. In fact, you could say I’m “making a mountain out of a molehill” or “stretching it out of all proportion”. I’m “going overboard”… yes it’s all a bit “over the top” now isn’t it. Alright, that’s enough, I don’t want to “over egg the pudding” by talking about noise levels too much, so it’s time to get on with this episode, so join me now as we go back in time, all the way to last week, on a trip into central London…

Music: “London Town” by Light of the World – Download it from iTunes here.

First gap:
So, I left the flat in bright, warm sunshine and walked towards the tube station, crossing the street at a busy junction in Stockwell, near Brixton, just south of the river. Some people say it’s quite a rough area, I personally think it’s okay. In fact at that time of day there were a couple of homeless people around, an alcoholic-looking guy stumbled out of a betting shop, but generally the area’s okay. In fact, it’s got good transport connections to central London and the rent is not too high. So I crossed the street and walked to Stockwell Underground Station and I stopped to look at a mural on the wall of the station. It’s the picture of Jean Charles De Menezes, a Brazilian man who was tragically and wrongfully killed by police who thought he was a terrorist, back in 2005…

2nd gap:
I left Victoria Station and walked along Buckingham Palace road. Along that road there is a wall, and on the other side of the wall is the garden of Buckingham Palace. You can’t get in there, so you just have to wonder what it looks like. I imagine it’s a beautiful and well kept garden. There are parks in front of the palace – St James’s Park and Green Park and of course the public are allowed to go everywhere they want in those parks, and walk or like down on the grass. There’s a pond with ducks, swans, geese and even pelicans which are large birds that you normally find near the sea – they have huge beaks that can carry loads of fish. A while ago there was a video going around on YouTube of a pelican actually eating a pigeon in St James’ Park!

I walked along Buckingham Palace road next to the palace gardens, as I said, and that’s next to a busy main road, and the noise was a bit too much. I talked about what it must be like being the Queen (I expect it’s a lot of hard work actually, it might be a bit lonely although she lives in luxury, she might be very strict on her children & grandchildren, and very controlling), which I have talked about on the podcast before. I wonder about her sense of humour, and what she’s really like.

I also spoke about the Queen’s power, how our democratic monarchy works and the difference between having a president and a monarch. Unfortunately, a lot of this was drowned out by the sound of traffic, so I’ll try and sum up what I said.

People sometimes wonder about why we have a Queen & a royal family in the UK, and also suggest that it might be better to have a republic instead. It might look like an old feudal system – a kind of medieval system in which the Queen has a covenant with god. What is this game of Thrones? But if you disregard the craziness of monarchy, you can just see it for what it is. It’s a slightly strange system, which works pretty well for the UK.

Without wishing to criticise republicanism (it works fine in plenty of other countries), in the UK democratic monarchy seems to work for us quite well. In a republic, such as USA or France, the president has an executive and representative function. He leads the country and also represents the country in state ceremonies, and as the figurehead of the nation. It’s an incredibly important role. That can lead to some issues. People want to look up to the president, and celebrate him/her as he/she represents their nation, and yet the president also has a responsibility to run the country, and answer to the wishes of his citizens. People shouldn’t be too deferential to the president because ultimately he’s a civil servant who works for the people. Sure, we can respect the president if he does a good job, but often people want a figurehead who is above the political system. In the UK the responsibilities are split between the monarch and the PM. The PM runs the country, and the Queen just ‘represents’. They do have tea once a week, so she has an audience with the PM, she does have minimal powers which she doesn’t use. So Brits can celebrate the Queen as head of state, knowing that she doesn’t have any decision making power and that she doesn’t express a political preference, and then we’re free to criticise our Prime Minister without having to be overly deferential towards him. His job is to run the country. We shouldn’t lift him up to the position of someone super special. He works for us. The Queen’s job is to give us a focal point for national pride without letting political views get in the way. So, that’s how we can celebrate the Queen without it affecting the way our country is run. Hopefully. It’s a very complex issue with all kinds of opinions regarding the pros and cons of having a royal family. I’ve dealt with it before on the podcast, in episode 103. “The Queen & The Royal Family” (featuring EnglishRobot4000).

203. A Cup of Tea with Peter Sidell (The Flatmate from Japan)

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English teacher, travel writer, stand-up comic, learner of Japanese, DJ, native English speaker, Machester City fan and former flatmate of Luke from Luke’s English Podcast – Peter Sidell is a guy who keeps himself busy!

[DOWNLOAD AUDIO]

I lived with Peter in Tsujidou, Japan for nearly a year. I left at the end of 2003 and he stayed there and I hadn’t seen him for about 11 years until he recently visited Paris and we got the chance to catch up with each other again. Of course I jumped at the chance to interview Peter for LEP, and you can now listen to our conversation here, now.

www.japantravel.com
Peter is a regular contributor to www.japantravel.com where you can read articles and travel advice for Japan. Are you thinking of going to Japan, or would you like to read some interesting articles about Japan in English? Just click www.japantravel.com to find out more. To see a list of articles written by Peter, click here.

During our chat you’ll hear us talking about such things as:
– Peter’s tourist activities in Paris (visiting galleries and looking at ‘crazy modern art’, drinking wine at lunchtime, attempting to deal with waiters)
– The day we first met each other in a McDonalds in 2003
– Living as an ex-pat in Japan
– Where Peter is from, and his accent
– Learning Japanese
– Cultural differences between the UK and Japan
– How it feels to go back to England after living in Japan for years
– Japantravel.com
– Destinations Peter has travelled to
– Doing stand-up in Japan
– How it feels to experience earthquakes in Japan
– The beauty of Mt Fuji seen from Hayama beach
– Luis Suarez

Thanks for listening :)

202. British Comedy: Monty Python & The Holy Grail

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[The Constitutional Peasants Scene] Here’s another episode about Monty Python’s Flying Circus, and in this one we’re going to be covering some very interesting topics, such as medieval history, old myths legends & folklore, the British monarchy, marxism and radical politics. In terms of language we’re going to look at some old fashioned formal poetic language, some political vocabulary and also some intonation and sentence stress, and we’ll be doing all of that while understanding and hopefully enjoying a funny scene from a classic British comedy film. So, you really are getting everything in this episode (well, maybe not everything but you know what I mean). A lot of this is transcribed at teacherluke.co.uk. If you find this episode on the website you’ll also see a video, a script for that video and more information. So let’s get started. Right-click here to download this episode.

Last time I did an episode about Monty Python we had a look at a sketch from the TV show. There are many more sketches which I hope to come back to in the future, but in this episode I’m going to focus on a scene from their first feature film, which is called “Monty Python & The Holy Grail”.

As a reminder: Do consider purchasing MP DVDs, CDs, audio & video downloads and even tickets to see live a live broadcast of their stage show. Details here: http://www.montypythonlive.com

Please remember – this is not a blog post, but an audio podcast episode. To get the full explanations and detail of this episode, you should listen to the whole podcast episode!

Monty Python & The Holy Grail
When was it made, who directed it, and all that stuff?
In 1975. It was written by all the Monty Python team but was directed by Terry Gilliam and Terry Jones. The two Terries were quite controlling & ambitious and decided they wanted to be in charge of the film, and in fact, during the production I think they agreed that the film could be directed by anyone called ‘Terry’, as an effort to keep control of the film.

What’s it about?
It’s about King Arthur’s search for the Holy Grail. It’s set in the 10th century – the middle ages, or ‘dark ages’, a time of mystery and legend! King Arthur is a legendary King of Britain. The legend of Arthur dates back to the 5th & 6th centuries and the story of Arthur has been told many times since. Historians disagree about whether Arthur really existed or not. In the stories, Arthur is said to be the magical leader who defended Britain against real and supernatural enemies. He carried a magical sword called Excalibur, which was given to him by a mysterious spirit known as The Lady of the Lake. The Lady of the Lake is an important figure in the Arthurian legend – she’s a kind of magical woman who got her powers from the wizard Merlin. She’s a bit like Galadriel in the Lord of the Rings stories. In Arthur’s story, This lady emerges from a lake, holding Excalibur and then presents it to Arthur, and in so doing chooses him as the rightful leader of the Britons. It’s hardly a democratic way to choose the executive commander of Britain, but that’s how things were done back in the 5th century!

The Grail in this story is another aspect of Arthurian legend. Apparently, this grail once carried the blood of Jesus, and was sent by Joseph to Britain where it would be protected. Perhaps this is true, perhaps this is just a myth, but the grail is still a potent symbol in British folklore, either as a connection to Jesus, or as a magical cup which can give magical powers to whoever drinks from it (it’s the same cup in the Indiana Jones movie “Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade”)

What happens in the film?
Arthur is sent on a mission by God to find the Holy Grail.
He travels around Britain, visiting castles and collecting a group of knights to help him on his quest.
It’s just an excuse to visit lots of old castles and film a bunch of medieval themed sketches.
Most of it was filmed in Scotland, and the scenery is absolutely beautiful.
It was filmed on a budget of just $400,000, which is tiny in comparison to today’s standards. The Hangover 3, for example, had a budget of $103 million!
The film was financed partly by rock stars Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin and Elton John.
It’s now considered one of the funniest British comedy films of all time, and in 2005 it was used by Eric Idle as the basis for the Monty Python musical “Spamalot” which you can see in theatres in London and around the world.
There are a few classic sketches in the film, and I’d like to play one of them for you.

“Constitutional Peasants” – King Arthur Has an Argument with Some Left-Wing Peasants
Arthur is travelling the land, trying to recruit knights to join him on his quest. He visits lots of castles. In this scene, he is approaching a castle, and meets some peasants working on the land. The peasants appear to just be collecting mud & filth from the floor in a field. They’re disgusting & dirty, and yet surprisingly articulate in the language of politics (which is part of the joke). King Arthur decides to ask them for information about the owner of the castle. The peasants don’t give him any useful information. Instead he gets into an argument with one of the peasants about the constitution, monarchy, democratic government and the oppression of the masses in an absolute monarchy.

Constitutional Peasants – Video (you’ll find a script below)

What’s So Funny About This?
One of the funny things about this scene is the anachronism (I mean, the fact that different time periods are mixed up). The king is from the medieval period, but the peasants are basically modern working class people. So it mixes up people from different time periods. The scene also mixes two different speech registers and two different political ideologies as the characters represent different political systems, and we see them argue. It’s unexpected because peasants in the middle ages were unaware of Marxist ideology, and certainly wouldn’t have been intelligent or educated enough to criticise the system in such an articulate way. Arthur speaks in a poetic & medieval way, and represents the system of absolute monarchy which was in place at the time. The peasant speaks like a modern left-wing radical using ideas founded by Karl Marx in the 19th century.

It’s also a joke about conventions of movies or stories set in medieval times in which peasants are always presented as old, dirty and inarticulate servants of the king. When these peasants speak like Marxists from the modern era, it’s quite a surprising & amusing shock.

I realise that now I’ve explained this scene, you probably won’t find it that funny, because explaining humour takes all the immediate fun out of it, but so be it. If you get the humour, good for you! The main thing is: We’re learning English aren’t we, so let’s focus on understanding the scene before trying to see the funny side. This scene is very rich in vocabulary, in either a poetic medieval register, or the language of left-wing politics. Listen to it once to see if you understand it all, and then I’ll explain it all to you afterwards. If you find any of it funny, then that’s a bonus as far as I’m concerned. :)

Vocabulary & Explanations
So, in a nutshell, King Arthur wants to know who lives in the castle, and he asks a couple of peasants, but they don’t help him. Instead he gets involved in an irritating argument about the exploitation of the working classes in this medieval monarchy.

Concepts
There are a few concepts which we need to study in order to fully appreciate this scene. Let’s look at some of those concepts before listening to the scene again. These concepts relate to different constitutional frameworks – I mean, different ways in which a country can be run. We’re talking about political systems like ‘absolute monarchy’, ‘democracy’, ‘Marxism’ and ‘anarchism’.

Absolute Monarchy – in this case a king (monarch) is not elected, but gets their supreme power by divine provenance. This means that the monarch has a special agreement with god. God has chosen the monarch to be the leader of these people. Usually, this is tied to old mythical stories which involve some supernatural intervention in which the king is chosen by god. In the case of King Arthur this was when he was given a holy sword (Excalibur) by a magical & mythical woman called The Lady of the Lake. The story goes that this lady is a kind of supernatural & mythical spirit who holds magical and religious authority. In the story she walks out of a lake and presents Arthur with his magical sword, which signifies that he is the divine ruler of Britain. Most monarchies justify their existence by suggesting they have some kind of special connection to god. In this sketch, Arthur believes he is the rightful ruler of the Britons because of his divine right given by god.

Democracy – in this case, the people give executive power (decision making power) to a representative by voting for him/her. The people give this leader a ‘mandate’ – which means a responsibility to run the country. It’s the government by the people, of the people and for the people. Churchill said that democracy is not perfect, but it’s better than the alternatives. In the UK today we have a democratic monarchy, which is basically a democracy (we vote for MPs in elections) but with a monarch as head of state with almost no executive power. The Queen has very minor powers, and she doesn’t exercise them. It’s like there is an understanding between parliament and the monarchy that the monarch just lets parliament run the country. The monarch doesn’t interfere. That’s the way our country works. Some people are concerned that Prince Charles might decide to exercise his power if/when he becomes king, which could cause a constitutional crisis, but that’s another story for another time.

Marxism – this isn’t really a constitutional system, but an political ideology, or a way of understanding the way in which most industrial/post-industrial capitalist systems work. Karl Marx was a German born philosopher, economist, sociologist and historian who basically stated that the ruling classes manage to maintain control of the system by owning the means of production, and that the working classes are therefore dominated and repressed. The only way in which true equality can exist is if the people own their own land, their own factories and the means of producing goods. His ideas formed the basis of many left-wing political models including communism, and also form the basis of many criticisms of the capitalist system in general. In the UK, we sometimes associate Marxist ideologies with certain types of people. Although their views may be valid, I think most ordinary people find Marxists to be a bit extreme and even boring – banging on about politics and the class system all the time, while not necessarily doing anything about it.

Anarchism – this is the idea that there should be no leaders at all, and in fact no formalised system of government or state at all. Instead, local communities should be run by free and open groups with no leader. The idea is, that formalised governments, or power structures are essentially corrupting – that when power is given to one or several representatives, elected or not, that this ultimately will corrupt them and that this leads to inequality. So, anarchists argue that there should be no system at all, and that people should be free to govern themselves in a completely open way – without adopting any kind of political ideology or dogma. For me, in principle this sounds great, but on a practical level it sounds chaotic, confusing and impractical. Ultimately, it would be great to remove the corrupting power of government, but are we ready for it? We’d need an intelligent and activated population. Education is key. The problem, to an extent, is that many people don’t really care about these issues and instead just find political discussion boring, therefore making it very hard for true anarchy to take effect. A bit like Marxism, many people find anarchists to be either boring, confusing or somehow threatening to normal life.

Vocabulary
OK, so we’ve looked at some ideological concepts at the heart of this sketch, but we’re not finished because there’s plenty of language to deal with too. It’s complex isn’t it!? You see – British comedy is intelligent and deep, particularly Monty Python. It’s not just weird.

Here’s some vocabulary that you should know in order to understand this sketch further. Remember that Arthur speaks in old fashioned language, and Dennis the peasant speaks like a modern man with radical political opinions. Listen to the episode to hear all the bold words defined.

What knight lives in that castle over there?
– a knight is (in the Middle Ages) a man who served his sovereign or lord as a mounted soldier in armour. In this context it means a leader.
you automatically treat me like an inferior

exploiting the workers!
– exploiting means to benefit unfairly from the work of (someone), typically by overworking or underpaying them: “women are exploited in the workplace”.

hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society
-dogma = a principle or set of principles laid down by an authority as incontrovertibly true: the dogmas of faith | [ mass noun ] : “the rejection of political dogma”.

Dennis, there’s some lovely filth down here.

I didn’t know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous collective.
– autonomous = • having the freedom to act independently: “school governors are legally autonomous”.

You’re fooling yourself. We’re living in a dictatorship: a self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes–
– an autocracy = a system of government by one person with absolute power.

Oh, there you go bringing class into it again.

Please! Please, good people. I am in haste. Who lives in that castle?

Dennis: I told you. We’re an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week,…
Arthur: Yes.
Dennis: …but all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting…
Arthur: Yes, I see.
Dennis: …by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs,…
Arthur: Be quiet!
Dennis: …but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more major–
– ratify = sign or give formal consent to (a treaty, contract, or agreement), making it officially valid. “both countries were due to ratify the treaty by the end of the year”.
– a simple majority = this candidate receives more votes than anyone else (but it doesn’t have to be more than 50% of all votes cast) e.g. if Obama, Bush & Clinton are in an election and Clinton gets 40% and Obama & Bush get 30% each, Clinton gets a simple majority. She just gets more votes than the others.
– a two-thirds majority = at least 66% of all the votes
– an absolute majority = at least 51% of all votes

Woman: Well, how did you become King, then?
Arthur: The Lady of the Lake,… [angels sing] …her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. [singing stops] That is why I am your king!
– samite = a rich silk fabric interwoven with gold and silver threads, used for dressmaking and decoration in the Middle Ages.

Dennis: Listen. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

I mean, if I went round saying I was an emperor just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they’d put me away!

Dennis: Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help! Help! I’m being repressed!
Arthur: Bloody peasant!
Dennis: Oh, what a give-away. Did you hear that? Did you hear that, eh? That’s what I’m on about. Did you see him repressing me? You saw it, didn’t you?

What I love about this is that it’s a well written script, with different types of English and it manages to mock both the idea of a medieval monarchy, and also the irritating verbosity of political radicals. Monty Python are making fun of history & taking the piss out of everyone, while at the same time celebrating the language. Complex language, delivered at speed by colourful characters is at the heart of the humour in this sketch.

Intonation & Sentence Stress
I really enjoy the performances in this scene – particularly Michael Palin who plays Dennis the peasant. The lines are delivered with quite exaggerated and characterful intonation and sentence stress. To highlight this, I’m going to read the script of this scene, just to make it a bit clearer. You could listen to the original version again in order to, hopefully, appreciate it a bit more.

Constitutional Peasants – Script
Arthur: Old woman!
Dennis: Man!
Arthur: Man. Sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there?
Dennis: I’m thirty-seven.
Arthur: I– what?
Dennis: I’m thirty-seven. I’m not old.
Arthur: Well, I can’t just call you ‘Man’.
Dennis: Well, you could say ‘Dennis’.
Arthur: Well, I didn’t know you were called ‘Dennis’.
Dennis: Well, you didn’t bother to find out, did you?
Arthur: I did say ‘sorry’ about the ‘old woman’, but from the behind you looked–
Dennis: What I object to is that you automatically treat me like an inferior!
Arthur: Well, I am King!
Dennis: Oh, King, eh, very nice. And how do you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers! By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society. If there’s ever going to be any progress with the–
Woman: Dennis, there’s some lovely filth down here. Oh! How d’you do?
Arthur: How do you do, good lady? I am Arthur, King of the Britons. Whose castle is that?
Woman: King of the who?
Arthur: The Britons.
Woman: Who are the Britons?
Arthur: Well, we all are. We are all Britons, and I am your king.
Woman: I didn’t know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous collective.
Dennis: You’re fooling yourself. We’re living in a dictatorship: a self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes–
Woman: Oh, there you go bringing class into it again.
Dennis: That’s what it’s all about. If only people were aware of–
Arthur: Please! Please, good people. I am in haste. Who lives in that castle?
Woman: No one lives there.
Arthur: Then who is your lord?
Woman: We don’t have a lord.
Arthur: What?
Dennis: I told you. We’re an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week,…
Arthur: Yes.
Dennis: …but all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting…
Arthur: Yes, I see.
Dennis: …by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs,…
Arthur: Be quiet!
Dennis: …but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more major–
Arthur: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!
Woman: Order, eh? Who does he think he is? Heh.
Arthur: I am your king!
Woman: Well, I didn’t vote for you.
Arthur: You don’t vote for kings.
Woman: Well, how did you become King, then?
Arthur: The Lady of the Lake,… [angels sing] …her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. [singing stops] That is why I am your king!
Dennis: Listen. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
Arthur: Be quiet!
Dennis: Well, but you can’t expect to wield supreme executive power just ’cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!
Arthur: Shut up!
Dennis: I mean, if I went round saying I was an emperor just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they’d put me away!
Arthur: Shut up, will you? Shut up!
Dennis: Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system.
Arthur: Shut up!
Dennis: Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help! Help! I’m being repressed!
Arthur: Bloody peasant!
Dennis: Oh, what a give-away. Did you hear that? Did you hear that, eh? That’s what I’m on about. Did you see him repressing me? You saw it, didn’t you?

201. Nikolay Kulikov: A Russian Comedian in London

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Nikolay Kulikov is an award-winning Russian screenwriter and stand-up comedian. This year he spent a couple of months living in London (and also briefly in Dublin) performing stand-up comedy. I saw one of his performances in English on video and thought he was very funny! So, I decided to contact him for an interview to find out more about him, his experiences learning English, his views on performing to British & Irish people, and how he feels about life in Russia these days. I hope you enjoy the episode! **Please be aware that this episode features some rude language and swearing** Right-click here to download.

Here is an email I sent to Nikolay, inviting him to be on the podcast, and his reply:

Dear Nikolay,

My name is Luke Thompson and I am an English teacher and stand-up comedian. I do a podcast called Luke’s English Podcast. It has listeners all around the world, and many of them are from Russia. Recently one of my Russian listeners sent me a message with a video of you performing stand-up in Ireland. I thought it was really funny. You’ve got great jokes and a lot of talent.

I was wondering if I could interview you by Skype some time and feature the interview on the podcast. Essentially, I’m interested in your story. How did you learn English? What made you start doing stand-up? Where have you performed around the world? How is your comedy received in Russia, particularly some of the slightly controversial things you say about the place?

I think you’d be a great guest and my listeners would enjoy hearing from you. You will also be heard by thousands of people around the world so it would work as publicity for you too. Let me know if you’re interested in being interviewed over Skype some time, perhaps next week.

I’m looking forward to hearing from you.

All the best,

Luke Thompson

Nikolay’s Reply:

Hi Luke!
It was a pleasure to receive such a wonderful letter.
Yes, let’s do this! I’ve got a lot to talk about and it can be real fun.
Next week is excellent.

Thanks to Anna Khazan and Natalia Dalik for bringing Nikolay to my attention and helping me to contact him. You’re my LEP Ninjas!

Nikolay’s Stand-Up in English in Ireland

Find Nikolay on Twitter, YouTube and VK
https://twitter.com/KolyaKulikov
http://www.youtube.com/user/krakvasha
http://vk.com/nobrainkolya

The Spoon Thing from The Matrix – “There Is No Spoon”
You might have heard Nikolay and me talking about a spoon in this episode, and wondered what we were talking about. You might have thought, “There is no spoon” – what do they mean? If you found that to be a little bit mysterious, let me explain it to you!

It’s from a scene in the movie The Matrix (1999).

I don’t know if you’ve seen the film, but the basic premise is that the human race has been enslaved by machines. The machines have connected everyone to a computer programme which replicates the real world. It’s an incredibly convincing simulation of real life. It’s so convincing that most people don’t realise that it’s just a dream, and that in reality they are slaves to machines. Some people have “woken up” and realised that the reality in which they are living is just a dream. Those people form a rebellion in order to fight against the machines. They are able to move in and out of the matrix whenever they want. One of the key members of the rebellion is a guy called Neo (Keanu Reeves). Some of the others believe he is the chosen one who will allow the humans to defeat the machines, but in order to do so he first has to learn to understand the nature of the matrix (in fact just a computer programme) and then to control it from within. In the first film we follow Neo as he learns about the matrix and begins to understand how to control it. One of the concepts at the heart of this film is that reality is just what we perceive – that there is no ‘reality’ there is just the way we perceive the world through our senses, and if you learn to control your senses, you can then control reality. The things we see are just our imagination. We’re living in a dream, and it may be possible for us to become lucid within the dream, and therefore control everything that happens all around us. It’s deep, man. There’s also some wicked kung fu.

So, the spoon thing.
There is a key scene in the film in which Neo learns about how to control the matrix. He encounters a boy who has learned to bend spoons using only the power of his mind. The boy holds up a spoon, and it bends. Neo is amazed and asks the boy how he does it. The boy says “You have to realise that there is no spoon. There is only you.” What he means is – you have to realise that the world you see is just created by your senses (which are being controlled by the matrix programme), so in order to bend the spoon you have to remember that the spoon does not exist, and that it is just the product of your senses. If you can control yourself, then you can control the world around you. Neo picks up the spoon and for a moment he manages to make it bend. This is an important moment for Neo, and after this he learns how to control the matrix, and then fight back against the machines which are enslaving the human race. You can see the scene below (YouTube video).

Some people think the film is a profound meditation about the nature of reality. Other people just think it’s an awesome kung-fu movie. For me, it’s a bit of both – philosophy and kung-fu. It’s a good combination!

199. The UK/USA Quiz

24 Replies

Molly and I ask each other general knowledge questions about the USA and the UK. How much do we know about each other’s countries? How much do you know about the USA and the UK? Can you answer the questions too? Listen and find out! Right-click here to download.

This is the continuation of the conversation I started with Molly in episode 198. In our quiz we ask each other questions about the history, geography, politics and even accents & dialects of the USA & UK.

If you fancy writing part of the transcript for this episode, click here to visit the google document.

That’s it for now! I’ve nearly reached 200 episodes of LEP. We should have some kind of celebration, shouldn’t we?

All the best,
Luke

197. World Cup 2014 (Part 6: Final Comments)

17 Replies

Here is the final podcast about football, in which I read out your comments from the World Cup forum thread on teacherluke.co.uk. Comments written in the forum have been corrected by me and now I am going to read them out to you. I will also respond to some of the things listeners have said. I hope you can tell when it’s me giving my opinion and when it’s the comments of a listener. Leave your comments below as usual!

[DOWNLOAD]

This is perhaps the longest ever episode of the podcast! I suggest you listen to it in stages ;) By the way, this episode took me about 4 hours to prepare. At least 1 hour to correct and edit the comments, 1hr40mins for the actual recording, and over 1 hour for editing, encoding & uploading the episode. Do consider making a donation for my time.

The World Cup is now over. Germany are the winners for the fourth time. It’s a victory for Europe for the first time in South America. Argentina played really well but ultimately they couldn’t overcome the incredible teamwork, energy, determination and skill of the Germans. Germany have truly been amazing in this tournament and they deserve to be World Champions.

All in all, I’ve massively enjoyed this World Cup. Speaking only of football and atmosphere in the stadiums, Brazil have been great hosts. It’s clear how passionate people get, not only in Brazil but also in America in general. That has resulted in a very dramatic tournament, full of stories and interesting moments. Off the pitch, there is still the controversy hanging over the competition, with plenty of questions being asked about the decisions to spend millions of dollars on developing the stadiums without giving enough money back to the host community in Brazil, which needs investment. Brazil looked brilliant int he competition, with lots of pictures and footage of Brazil’s landmarks, features about Brazil’s culture and the friendliness of the people. Generally, I think the country looked great and I’m sure that’s going to help with tourist revenue and so on. I really hope that the Brazilian people feel the benefit of hosting a great World Cup.

For context, this thread was open in the middle of the quarter final round, before we knew exactly who would be in the semi-finals, before the shocking 7-1 defeat of Brazil by Germany, and before the intense final which Germany ultimately won, allowing them to lift the trophy for the fourth time. Watch out Brazil – Germany could equal your World Cup winning record soon!

So, here are your comments. As ever, it’s great to be able to read out your contributions and I hope you all enjoy listening to messages from around the world. You can read all these (corrected) comments on teacherluke.co.uk. Just find the page for this episode. You can read phrases there and pick them up. In fact, there are a number of great phrases in this episode – either related to football, or phrases you can also use to talk about other things. Why don’t you listen, read and try to pick out some good phrases and expressions as you come across them?

My Original Comment
The new World Cup thread is now open!
Leave your comments about the World Cup here and I will read them out in a podcast episode.
Here are some questions for you to consider:
1. Which team do you think will win?
2. Who is the star of the World Cup so far?
3. What has surprised you the most in this competition?
4. What are some of the best moments so far?
5. What are the worst things about this World Cup in your opinion?
6. Any other comments?

Elena Nedyalkova
“If Italy wins the World Cup – free pizza
If Germany wins the World Cup – free beer
If Netherlands wins the World Cup – free weed
GO COLOMBIA!!! ” :)))))
June 30, 2014 at 11:56 am #6883

Zdenek
Hello Luke,
I have been enjoying the world cup. Some matches have really surpassed all my expectations. It is really exciting to see Latin American teams go crazy when they win or lose. It is always so emotional. Football is a beautiful game indeed.
1. Which team do you think will win?
Like I said in the first thread, I still think Argentina and Holland are strong favourites. I’m not going to write off Germany and Brazil because they both might get very far. On the other hand, I don’t think France will get too far. With a bit of luck they will get knocked out by Nigeria.  I’m now most definitelly rooting for Costa Rica. It’s so spectacular that a small nation like that can beat big football nations just because they stick to good tactics and give it everything on the pitch. The Costa Ricans work their socks off in every game. They truly have won my supporter’s heart.
2. Who is the star of the World Cup so far?  Number one star so far is James Rodriguez from Colombia. He has scored 5 goals in 4 matches already and the one against Uruguay was one of the best goals I have ever seen. Other stars are Roben from Holland (despite his diving), Neymar from Brazil (despite his diving and ridilous penalty style). I also think that stars don’t always win matches (and neither do moons). The team spirit is more important. A balanced team like Germany might well go all the way.
3. What has surprised you the most in this competition?  I am sorry Luke but it is definitelly the fiasco of England, as well as Italy and Spain.  Another thing that struck me is how strong all the team from both American continents are. Even the USA. I have to aplogize to all Americans. I said previously that they cannot play football or soccer or whatever. Well, turns out they can. Tactically, they have been very good so far. I wonder how much it is due to Jurgen Klinsmann. He seems to to have played a major role in this US team renaissance.
4. What are some of the best moments so far?  Loads of amazing goals and good shots into the woodwork. I most enjoyed some of the long range goals like the Rodríguez one. And generally the fact that so many goals have been scored up to now. Defensive football is on they wane, hopefully.
5. What are the worst things about this World Cup in your opinion?  It has to be the Suarez bite. It’s a shame that one of the best players in the world cup, the one who alone managed to send the England national team home, does something indecent and inhumane like that. It’s the third time he has done this in his career.  Yet, ironically I feel sorry for him. The suspension is a massive loss for the tournament itself and the major reason Uruguay didn’t stand a chance against Colombia. Clearly he just can’t control his emotions, or you think he might really be a vampire? And why on earth did he hold his teeth like that right after the incident? Like they hurt or something? I mean, if you are a vampire, you might as well do your business in a professional manner.  I will repeat myself but I can’t help not include the diving phenomoneon among my worst momnents so far. I am absolutely fed up with with all the divers. I mean, come on guys, why don’t you take your bloody snorkels, flippers or fins or whatchamacallit and go diving in your natural habitat, to the sea or lake? Like I said in my previous contribution, divers such as Roben or Suarez are just a disgrace to football. And I reckon we are going to see more of this.
6. Any other comments?  Luke, could you please stop justifying that you do so many episodes about football? A, it is “way above justifiable”, you are English and you love football and most of the planet loves it. B, Your listeners will be happy whatever you say on the podcast and C, I am sure that your football episodes will defnitely attract more and more listeners.  Let’s all enjoy the rest of the tournament.  I’m already excited about today’s games.
Zdenek (Czech Republic)
June 30, 2014 at 4:37 pm #6894

Robert Strzelecki
Hi Luke!  I come from Poland. My country unfortunately did not qualify for the World Cup, so I had to choose another country to support. I really like watching Germany. They always are determined and focused on their aim.
1. Which team do you think will win?
Before the World CUp I had four favourites: Brazil, Germany, Uruguay and Argentina. I predicted Spain would not play well because of being burnt out (Spain has won everything recently). I thought that teams from South America would have a big advantage because of the climate. My prediction was right. From South America only Ecuador did not qualify. From Europe Only 6 of 13 teams qualified for the last 16. Now I think that the main favourite is Germany. Germany plays very well and I predict the most important match for Germany would be with Brazil in the semi-final. The second semi final I think will be between Argentina and Netherlands but it’s really difficult to say who will win.
2. Who is the star of the World Cup so far?  I think one of the stars is Joel Campbell from Costa Rica. He was from me completely unknown before the World Cup. But He showed that he can play football. Even Arsene Wenger said He wants him to come back to Arsenal from Piraeus.  Second is the Mexico goalkeeper: Guilllermo Ochoa. He had a few fantastic saves. He was like a wall against Brazil. I am sure that he would not have any problems to find a new club.
3. What has surprised you the most in this competition? The first thing is unfortunately the referees` mistakes. They have made a lot of obvious mistakes: a penalty to brazil, offside to Bosnia & Herzegovina, non given penalty to Netherlands and when Robben was not fouled the referee gave a penalty.  I have to admit that the best referee so far is Howard Webb even though my country was cheated by him during European Championship in Austria and Switzerland. When he gave an absurd penalty in 90 minutes against Poland.  Webb did not make any mistakes in the match between Brazil and Chile, although He had some difficult decisions to make.  I was suprised positively by: Costa Rica, Algiera, Chile and Iran. I was so disappointed after the Brazil and Chile match. Chile played amazingly. They did not calculate, they were not afraid of Brazil. They thought only about winning.
4. What are some of the best moments so far? It’s hard to say one the best moment of World Cup. The whole World Cup is amazing. Almost all the matches were fantastic.
5. What are the worst things about this World Cup in your opinion?
I think that first is Cameroon`s attitite to the World CUp. They wanted to play for their country only for money. When somebody is called up, He should not think about money, sb should think about how to win.  Second is definitely Suarez but I think that FIFA gave him too strict a punishment. He should have been fined 2 months without football. 4 months is too long.
June 30, 2014 at 4:49 pm #6895

Andrus Rosenfeld
Hi Luke,  the World Cup has been amazingly good and entertaining so far. We have seen many nice goals (and yes Luke,girls too),lots of colourful fans and some episodes of cannibalism as a cherry on top. I really like this bloke Suarez..he’s got great teeth and besides this biting fetish he’s been able to play football too.
Of course,sorry about the Three Lions fiasco Luke. There’s always next time for England…
1. Which team do you think will win?  I still believe that Germany will go all the way,but Brasil and Netherlands  look strong too. And who knows, maybe Costa Rica will blow a surprise bomb this year.
2. Who is the star of the World Cup so far?  In my previous post I guessed that the star of the world cup would be van Persie, but now I’m not so sure about that anymore. As Zdenek mentioned in his post, James Rodriguez has played brilliant football and scored one really stunning goal. And he is so young, 22 years old only… great future ahead of him I hope.
3. What has surprised you the most in this competition?  There have been lots of surprises in this tournament. The biggest one in my opinion is Costa Rican success so far.
4. What are some of the best moments so far?   Best moments…hmmm…I think that will be the first goal van Persie scored against Spain – an impressive diving header. That was really beautiful.
5. What are the worst things about this World Cup in your opinion?   There aren’t many of them. In some games the referees acted weirdly, especially in yesterdays game Netherlands vs Mexico, where the referee gave a penalty after Robben’s five-star diving performance. But overall, I’m happy.
6. Any other comments?  In one of your World Cup episodes you told us the story of how you met Frank Lampard in the loo the other day. I experienced the same situation some time ago, not with mr Lampard of course, but my co-urinator was former Derby County and Sunderland much loved goalie and Estonian former goalkeeper Mart Poom aka Poominator. By the way, after he moved from Derby to Sunderland, he actually SCORED a last minute equaliser against his old team, Derby County on 20th of september 2003. Goalies don’t score much usually as you know… but Poominator did that. You can check this out if you like.   Enjoy the rest of the tournament everyone!

June 30, 2014 at 6:22 pm #6898

Miranda
1. Which team do you think will win? ~ Argentina
2. Who is the star of the World Cup so far? ~ James Rodriguez
3. What has surprised you the most in this competition? ~ It surprised me that teams like Spain, England, Portugal and Italy: four good teams are out.
4. What are some of the best moments so far? ~ “Robin can Fly” When the Dutch scored a stunning goal against Spain. ~ Miguel Herrera, Mexico’s coach with his emotional celebrations… Funny guy  ~ James Rodriguez of the Colombian team celebrates by salsa dancing with teammates after scoring his first goal during the 2014 FIFA World Cup.
5. What are the worst things about this World Cup in your opinion? ~ Luis Suarez and his bites.
6. Any other comments? ~ Amazing stadiums in 2014 World Cup Brazil
July 1, 2014 at 8:19 am #6899

Mohammed K.
1. Which team do you think will win?  I think Germany / the Netherlands (but I hope brazil or Argentina).
2. Who is the star of the World Cup so far?  There are more than one, but Neymar And Messy are the best in my opinion .
3. What has surprised you the most in this competition?  Stadums in Brazil are good and more than what we expected .
4. What are some of the best moments so far?  Watching excited beautiful girls supporting their teams !!
5. What are the worst things about this World Cup in your opinion?  The worst thing is: missing great teams like Italy , Spain and England in round 16
6. Any other comments?  Could you please give us some information about football history (when it was invented and who invented it and what are the reasons behind its popularity in your opinion?  And why do you think it’s very popular in south America and Europe but less in Asia and north America? (is it a big question? )  And by the way, how can I modify my comments if I want ? Is it possible ?
July 1, 2014 at 1:53 pm #6907

Amber
Hi dear teacher Luke,  Glad we’re moving on with this kind of episode.  Wicked!
1. Which team do you think will win? - Sadly, all those I rooted for earlier lost except for Brazil and they’ve been fantastic so far, so I hope Brazil wins. Or Costa Rica.
2. Who is the star of the World Cup so far? - I don’t really see them as some sort of stars. Don’t like that term ’cause it can have negative connotations. And being referred as a ‘star’ often turns them into some arrogant prima donnas or untouchable idols who then usually get carried away with fame, money and everything, so we have divers, ‘ballet dancers’ time wasters… or even ‘Hannibal Lectors’ on the pitch and that can be pretty annoying to watch. Excellent football players who can focus on the game and do what they came for – yes. Frankly, I admire goalkeepers like Ochoa, Navas and Cesar. Also Neymar (Brazil) is great and I’d rather call those colorful fans in the stadiums ‘stars’ (in a positive way). They seem more interesting sometimes than all the divers together.
3. What has surprised you the most in this competition? - I was very surprised by some referees who appeared to be so unjust thinking we were all blind and had no clue about what a penalty is and what it’s not, what’s clear goal, foul… Com’ on people! I’m a girl and they couldn’t fool me, not to mention you men and hard core football fans who know much more.  Oh, Costa Rica also surprised me. They’re gooooood! Yeah!
4. What are some of the best moments so far? - Cracking goals by Brazilians and Costa Ricans. Plus every penalty there was so far, even the missed ones. - Slow motion parts that show funny gestures on footballers’ faces and their weird body moves. Priceless! - I found only a few of those lads there handsome and cute, but I forgot their names. Oops!  And again: BiH in World Cup 2014 for the first time ever. Ole!
5. What are the worst things about this World Cup in your opinion? - Referees made so many mistakes. Technology should be introduced so that they can’t dictate the final result. I wish I was wrong, but I’m afraid the mistakes still being made were precalculated and agreed on beforehand. At first Croatia was robbed in the first game against Brazil, Iran was robbed against Argentina, Bosnia was robbed against Nigeria, USA was robbed against Portugal… do I need to go on?! And sadly, there will be more such things that kill joy and fun. Don’t you think it is better to lose fair than win cheating?  My country’s team was disqualified unfairly by an obvious mistake by the ref. – the crystal clear goal by Edin Džeko was chalked off for offside.  Really?! Oh, leave it out, will you!  And that was, of course, just one of the horrible decisions in that game. To be honest, our coach made a few mistakes, players made a few mistakes, weather conditions were bad, BUT – that was a clear goal.  Also a goal for Nigeria is still debatable, but many people say it was actually a foul.  Later BiH won in their third match 3:1, so if that clear goal had been allowed by ref. Bosnia’d be in 1/8 and who knows what else might have happened. And that’s just one of the examples, so who wouldn’t be cheesed off after all that!?!  Anyway, chin up and move on.  One more thing, the stadiums are splendid + it all looks spectacular, but too much money has been spent on them… too much.
6. Any other comments? - About Suarez: he is a very good football player and it’s such a pity he got so low and repeated the same mistake again. No doubt he needs professional help. It’s sad. I feel for both, him and that Italian he bit. And bella Italia lost too – oh dear!  When this all ends soon I’ll go on vacation to finally REST!!! Yippeee!  Amra
Greetings from Bosnia!
July 1, 2014 at 10:15 pm #6910

Sabine
Hi Luke,
Thank you so much for reading out my comment! I really felt honoured and I couldn’t help smiling, although I was on the train again when I heard it and to the people around me I must have looked a little bit like an idiot somehow. But then I immediately got addicted to hearing you read out my comments, so here’s another one …
1. Which team do you think will win?  Basically I don’t dare to say it out loud, but as it’s, strictly speaking, not me who is actually saying it, I may be able to write it only once and as quiet as I can: us (Germany).
2. Who is the star of the World Cup so far?  I’d still vote for Guillermo Ochoa, the Mexican keeper at this point, but I totally agree with you: Rais M’Bolhi, the Algerian keeper, was brilliant, yesterday. Really impressive. The German media all idolised Maunel Neuer [pronounced “noyer”] for saving our neck yesterday, but in my opinion he played way too dangerously and had had more than just a little bit of dumb-luck that the Algerians weren’t able to take advantage of the empty goal at least once. (I’m afraid I need a little bit of language coaching here, is that right? Two “hads” and all that? And even more important: does it still sound natural that way? I wrote it intuitively and now I have no idea where to look up such a complicated sentence.)
Here’s a corrected version: he played way too dangerously and had more than just a little bit of dumb-luck in that the Algerians weren’t able to take advantage of the empty goal at least once.
3. What has surprised you the most in this competition?  Spain, England, Italy. And Joachim Löw (or as i like to call him: J-LÖ), when he selected Shkodran Mustafi for our team. Mustafi plays for Sampdoria Genua and hardly anyone in Germany knows him.
4. What are some of the best moments so far?  The Interview Per Mertesacker gave to the German media yesterday right after the Match was simply brilliant. He got really annoyed by the stupid questions the reporter was asking and he didn’t try to hide it. (You can read it here: http://www.soccerladuma.co.za/news/articles/teams/germany/per-mertesacker-relived-after-germany-beat-algeria/167744)
5. What are the worst things about this World Cup in your opinion?  As you mentioned earlier, it’s the fact that the money spent on the event is desperately needed everywhere else in Brazil. And even worse, everybody knows that FIFA are sucking out the last drop of whatever they can get from a country that’s hosting the world cup, and nobody is actually leaning up against it. Once the first game is kicked off, we all (and that includes myself as well) get hypnotised by the goings-on on the pitch and we keep losing track of what’s going on as a whole. Then FIFA pack up, literally leaving scorched earth, and take our attention with them wherever they head for and nobody cares about the social conditions in Brazil anymore after the world cup has moved elsewhere. I really hope, that the cycle can be broken someday. (Can I say it like that? I’ve looked up “Teufelskreis” – literally it would be translated to “devil’s circle” – and I found “catch-22″, “doom loop”, “vicious circle”, “break the cycle” and a few other things, but i still wonder which one might be a common expression. What’s “catch-22″ anyway?).  ,A vicious circle – that’s the best one.
6. Any other comments?  Oh yes. I almost forgot: You’ve talked a little bit about donations. And I’ve got something to say to all the LEPpers out there: I can recommend to all of you, who can afford a little donation: donate to Luke’s English Podcast! You will enjoy listening to Luke even more!
Cheers, Sabine
July 2, 2014 at 4:45 am #6911    

Klinger Wilkson
1. Which team do you think will win? Brazil !!!!!!!!!!!
3. What has surprised you the most in this competition?
the tournament is definitely full of surprises, teams that we were not expecting to be strong enough are now proving us wrong, and playing in the same level as the strongest teams, I reckon .
6. Any other comments?  I would just like to thank you, because I never had a chance before. Your podcast has been my main resource of english and has helped me a lot. when i started listening to it i was just able to understand a few words , and now I still face difficulties but I can understand most of it, and it’s a big achievement for me. I owe it to you.  Thank you very much  .
July 2, 2014 at 7:53 pm #6916

Ali
Hi Dear teacher Luke,
Brazil was about to lose the penalties against chile. I’m not their fan but  I am happy that they are still in competition. Can you imagine a world cup  without England, Italy , spain and Brazil?  I believe that a final match between Brazil and Netherlands can be  the most exciting final.
Who is The star? and what is the best moment so far?  I never forget what luis suarez did and  the scene when Chiellini (italian player) tried to show his shoulder to the  referee.  What would you do if someone bit you while playing!!??  It’s interesting that I heard he is going to play in Barcelona after 4 months!! It’s funny.  And I want to say that I am writing From Iran. I’m sure that you have never been to Iran.  I personaly have listened to all of your podcasts. We like you and respect you a lot.
Best Wishes
July 3, 2014 at 7:50 am #6921

Vaibhav
Hi Luke, I’m Vaibhav from India. You are right we are pretty bad at playing football, but we compensate that by winning the cricket world cup 2011.
1. Which team do you think will win?  I think we will see Germany vs. Netherland in final.
2. Who is the star of this world cup so far?  James Rodriguez from Colombia. He is at the top of the table for the Golden Boot Award.
3. What has surprised you the most in this competition?  When underdog teams like Costa Rica, Colombia & Belgium qualified for the quater final. I would love to see atleast one of them in semi finals.
4. What are some of the best moments so far?  Best moment will be if Luke presents the trophy to the winning team in Brazil. That will be great.
5. What are the worst things about this world cup in your opinion?  Three worst things are:  time wasting, fake injuries and putting too much pressure on players by their local media.
6. Any other comments
How is your brother James? Is he fully recovered from his shoulder injury? & Is he enjoying world cup or just stop watching it after England… Thanx Luke  Bye.
July 6, 2014 at 1:22 pm #6981

Jilmani  1.
Which team do you think will win?
Well I’m not so sure now, but I think Netherlands team will win.
2. Who is the star of the World Cup so far?  Lionel Messi .
What are the worst things about this World Cup in your opinion?  I don’t know really but I think in 2010 I was so excited for the world cup and this year it’s still not exciting. Maybe because it’s a predictable competition.
6. Any other comments?
Thank you for reading out my previous comment but I’m a girl you said “He” last episode Jilmani is my surname and my name’s JAWZA it means ‘Gemini‘ in English.
July 8, 2014 at 8:35 am #7017

Luke Thompson
Sorry Jilmani! I’ll get it right next time
July 7, 2014 at 3:20 am #6991

Mark
Hello Luke, I am originally Russian-Ukrainian from Argentina, so basically I´ve been rooting for Argentina from the start.
1. Which team do you think will win?  I´ll be happy with either Argentina, since I live here, or Germany, cuz they are amazing and I love the way they conduct and play on the pitch not to mention the fact I love this country and their language so badly. They both have the potential to win.
2. Who is the star of the World Cup so far?  James Rodriguez
3. What has surprised you the most in this competition?  The way Belgium performed (cool guys)
4. What are some of the best moments so far?  Both surprised and amused – the elimination of Spain, Italy and Portugal. Surprised because they are kinda super famous football teams, and even though I do not have anything against those countries, I was pleased to see those primadonas being out, they’re not as cool as they think they are.
5. What are the worst things about this World Cup in your opinion?  The amount of money being spent on it, the football is amazing, but not that important to be valued more than the people´s primary needs.
6. Any other comments?  Earlier this month I went to Ecuador, and an amazing thing was I noticed that the day Ecuador was playing half the country virtually didn´t work, and the day they won, it was an unofficial day off for everybody.
July 8, 2014 at 11:10 pm #7022

At this point, Germany defeated Brazil 7-1 in the semi-final.
Luke Thompson
BRAZIL 1 – 7 GERMANY
http://mashable.com/2014/07/08/brazil-germany-world-cup-loss/?utm_medium=feed&utm_source=rss
Words that come to mind:
Unprecedented
Extraordinary
Heartbreaking
Stunning
Incredible
Jaw-dropping
Impressive
Staggering

The game turned so quickly. 5 goals in about 30 minutes. Brazil collapsed after the first goal. They seemed to completely lose themselves. Mentally, they were defeated after 3 goals. Germany were excellent, and their teamwork shone brilliantly as they dismantled Brazil on the counter attack. I thought that Germany was going to keep scoring. For a moment I was concerned that there was going to be a dangerous reaction from angry supporters. In fact, so far the fans are just upset and hurt rather than enraged.
This result was a combination of a Brazilian collapse and a stunning display of teamwork by the Germans.

Brazil
This is the biggest humiliation in international football that Brazil has ever experienced. I look at images of the audience in tears; kids crying, people in floods of tears and it’s actually very moving. I can’t help feeling sorry for everyone. I realise that Brazil actually did very well to get to the semi-finals (much better than England for example) but this massive defeat, in this manner, at home – it must be terribly painful. I can’t say for sure how it feels for the Brazilians, I’m just speculating really but it seems to have been a pretty powerful blow. I’ve always admired Brazil for it’s passionate footballing spirit. It’s clear that it’s a very emotional thing for the Brazilians, so I feel the pain. This game is going to haunt Brazil for years. They’re still getting over losing the 1950 World Cup final at home. This is worse than that I think. The players may never live it down. I feel sorry for them. It’s a lot of pressure to carry on your shoulders. Thank goodness Brazil didn’t lose to a neighbouring country because that would have made it more humiliating.
What happened to the team?  First of all, it was not the strongest Brazilian team we’ve seen. Neymar is brilliant, but you need more strength in the team as a whole. After all, it is a team game. When Neymar was injured and was unable to play I think that must have been like a punch in the stomach for the other players. Then their captain Tiago Silva was not allowed to play due to receiving 2 yellow cards in the previous two games. To an extent he let the side down. The team badly missed the leadership of their captain, and the mental security of having these two key players on the pitch. This meant that they were not quite mentally prepared for the pressure of this game.  So, lesson learned: Don’t rely of individuals. The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.

Germany
This is an example of how Germany has developed a great team, and a great footballing infrastructure. What a great example of team work. They were amazing on the counter attack. Without wishing to perpetuate stereotypes, this is a perfect example of German efficiency and pragmatism. It shows that football is a team sport. The team is bigger than any individual stars. I think this team is now a formidable force, and this is modern football at its best.  The Germans in Brazil must have felt almost embarrassed or sheepish, especially the players on the pitch. The final whistle must have been a relief, in a way, because they must have felt a bit embarrassed about humiliating Brazil at home like that, although they must have been delighted too – of course. Still, they deserve the victory. They were brilliant.

On balance – Brazil, please don’t feel too bad. You’ve still won 5 World Cups. Some countries have never won, and some countries hardly ever get into the cup in the first place.  All in all, I feel sorry for the Brazilian team. Sure, they were responsible for their defeat, but I hope the country gives them a chance and doesn’t treat them too harshly. All they wanted was to bring joy to the hearts of their people, and in the end they just caused them emotional pain. Scolari will probably take responsibility for this.

On Facebook I’ve been saying “Welcome to the club” for every team that gets knocked out. “Welcome to the club” is a phrase you can use to say “me too”, especially if more than one person is involved. For example, I’ve just been told that I have to wait here for another hour before seeing the doctor – “yeah, welcome to the club. We’ve been here for an hour and a half”. In this case, it was a club of teams that had been knocked out, starting with Spain, Portugal and England. Some of the original members of this esteemed club, which grew and grew during the competition. Sorry if my comments seem flippant (which means making light of serious things, perhaps when you shouldn’t). I’m just kidding, but really – if your team has been knocked out, you are in a club of friendly people who know how you feel.

Questions
 Has Brazil’s great history has perhaps caused the Brazilians to get complacent? Has the Brazilian football bubble burst?  Who is going to win this World Cup? Can the Netherlands or Argentina stop Germany? Don’t forget about Messi!  If Argentina win this World Cup, will this make things even worse for Brazil?

July 9, 2014 at 9:41 am #7029

Mark  ADD.
Now the best moment for me is defenitally the game of Germany against Brazil, 7 goals in just a semi-finall!!! That´s impressve!!! Germany, ole, ole!!!!  July 8, 2014 at 11:47 pm #7023

Yaron
Wow! I’m over the moon! What a game!  I expected that the Germans would beat the Brazilians in the semifinal, but 5-0 at half time and 7-1 at full time… I didn’t see that coming. In addition, Klose manage to beat “Fat” Rolando’s record by scoring his 16th goal in any world cup.  I mentioned before that the Germans play as a team and not based on one or two stars… so, in this game it was clear to see. Players without an ego, a team that shares the ball and wins as a team. Well done.  So, let’s get down to business… my answers to your questions:
1. Which team do you think will win?  Germany, I hope that they mange to win the final against whomever it will be. I think they deserve it.
2. Who is the star of the World Cup so far?  The Germans as a team!  I think that football should be more about teams and less about individuals. After all, football is not tennis.
3. What has surprised you the most in this competition?  Although that there were a lot of surprising things in this world cup, I think that the most surprising thing is the fact that Spain didn’t manage to pass the group stage.
4. What are some of the best moments so far?  The first half of the Germany-Brazil semifinal match… watching a team score 5 goals in 30 minutes! It was priceless! As a fan of Germany’s national team, it was delightful!
5. What are the worst things about this World Cup in your opinion?  You talked a lot about the money spending… I agree that this subject is a bit controversial. There are lots of issues, in Brazil but all around the world as well. As a middle-east citizen, I think that there are major problems that the world needs to deal with without getting too much into politics… I don’t think that Luke’s English podcast should be the place to debate about it, at least not in this episode. [I hope the world can focus on fixing problems with similar amounts of interest and intensity as we focus on the World Cup]
6. Any other comments?  I have a question about the phrase “at the time”. In world cup thread number one, I wrote “at the time” and you corrected it to “at one time”. Generally speaking I use this phrase when I would like to refer to action that had been made in the past (more or less like “once upon a time” that used in fairy tale)  Do I use it wrongly? Is “at the time” is a phrase at all? If yes, how should I use it correctly?  Anyhow, as usual I would like to thank you a lot for teaching us English. I really appreciate the fact you do it. Yaron (Israel).
“At the time” – use this phrase when referring to a time you have already mentioned. Use “at one time” when you haven’t mentioned the past period at all – no context has been given, and there’s nothing to refer back to. “At the time” – here you’re using ‘the’ and this refers to something that’s already been stated. E.g. “Did I ever tell you about when I met David Beckham? I was living in Japan at the time.” (Here we’ve already established a past event, and ‘the’ is referring back to that)
“At one time I didn’t know anything about grammar at all, but now I know quite a lot.” (Here we use ‘one’ because it’s the first time you’re referring to a past moment, and so it’s just one of many. It’s a bit like the difference between using “a/an” and “the”)
July 9, 2014 at 12:05 am #7024

Mohammed K.
7/1  – Unbelievable !  What happened to Brazil??  I think Germany won not because they are very strong , but because Brazil were very weak, especially the defence line . I was about to cry !! It’s a shock for brazil lovers around the world !
July 9, 2014 at 9:22 am #7028

Samuel
Haya? Well. Despite being so passionate about Brazilian football I have to admit that the Germans taught us a great lesson yesterday. In addition they were relentless, organized, more focused and they definitely deserved to go through. Well done Germans! As for Brazil, the fat lady has sung, sorry.   [It’s not over until the fat lady sings] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/It_ain’t_over_till_the_fat_lady_sings This refers to stereotyped images of operas (perhaps German ones) which often culminate with a final aria by a fat female character. The opera isn’t finished until the fat lady sings. We use it in football to say “There’s still time for this game to change, so don’t count your chickens before they hatch.”
July 9, 2014 at 5:17 pm #7032

Miguel
Justice, Luke, justice. I think Germany deserve to win the World Cup, why? Because they have won because of their skills and football not because of the referees help. Anyway I’m from Mexico and we still can’t get over it, it wasn’t a penalty.   [Referring to the Robben dive & penalty against Mexico]
July 9, 2014 at 6:34 pm #7033

Amber
Hi again, That match between Brazil and Germany last night was a massacre. That HURT! Well, the Brazil team was weakened without Neymar and Silva, but the result SEVEN! : 1 was beyond my expectations. I couldn’t help not to start laughing after the third goal and the rest of the game seemed like “not suitable for children under 14″.  I must admit I feel sorry for all Brazilian fans. It looked like a living nightmare for them and sadly, so many hearts were broken last night. Also being a host and competing must have been a heavy burden to carry. I’d just say it’s football. It happens to the best, if that helps. Sorry Brazilians!  Whoever gets to play against Germany – watch out!  Luke, did you notice how their players reacted after they received that one goal, despite the result of 7:1? Like: “What?! who’s fault was it? How could we allow that? Grrrrr…”  That’s the winning mentality that many footballers lacked so far. Respect and salute! Also a lesson to other coaches about how they should prepare their teams before any game.  You wrote: “The team is bigger than any individual stars.” I was saying that before ’cause I totally agree.  I think I’ll watch the remaining games just for entertainment and good sport. And I hope nobody gets a heart attack or anything.  May the best team win.  P.S. I also thought Jilmani is HE and not SHE. Hahahaha… Hello Jilmani! Glad there are more girls on this topic! Cheers!
July 9, 2014 at 8:26 pm #7034

Yaron
More questions.. more answers:  Has Brazil’s great history perhaps caused the Brazilians to get complacent?  I don’t think it is about getting complacent, it is the about the absence of leadership. After the first goal, The Brazilians got a punch in their stomach, but they still functioned more or less, but after the second goal they totally collapsed. In my opinion, it was mainly because Neymar and/or Da Silva weren’t on the pitch. I think that absence of the talent of these players was not as important as the leadership of these players. No one in the Brazil team had faith that they could win at this point, and they were missing a leadership player that could encourage the team members (by saying stuff like that it still possible, that there still a chance to win).  Has the Brazilian football bubble burst?  No, I think that Brazil was and will be one of the top-ten teams. They have a lot of talent and a lot of passion to the game. In my opinion, if someday someone teaches them the meaning of synergy, than they will have it all (Talent, passion & team play)  Who is going to win this World Cup? Can the Netherlands or Argentina stop  Germany? Don’t forget about Messi! For sure, whoever will play against Germany in the final will be the underdog, but after all it is football, you can never know… all the options are still open. Whatever will happen, I really hope that it will be a fair game.  If Argentina win this World Cup, will this make things even worse for Brazil?  I think that the Brazilians hit rock bottom yesterday, and it can’t be worse than that. So my answer is no.  I would say at this point that I really feel sorry for the Brazilians and it really was uncomfortable watching Brazil supporters broken up as well as watching the Brazilian players cry at the end of the game.  By the way: what’s the story with all these rainy men?… football players are men, aren’t they?… is football is about diving and crying? Shouldn’t it be a tough game? Just kidding… it’s just me writing nonsense… :)  Ok, in about an half hour the next semifinal will kick off. Whatever will happen in it and whatever will happen in the finals, I remind to all of us (winner and loser): Always look at the bright side of life  Thanks again and bye bye bye bye  Yaron
July 10, 2014 at 2:36 pm #7036

Mark
In response to the utterance that Brazil got weakened without Neymar, that’s, I think, a good wake up call for them – not to put all your expectation on just one player, this is a team sport, there should be a strong team, not just one person. By the way, I wonder why your country, Luke, is represented by just England, not the UK, not the Great Britain?
July 10, 2014 at 4:46 pm #7037
[The UK is actually a union of four countries and in most sports the players represent one of those 4 countries, except in the Olympics]

Luciana
Hello teacher Luke, I’m Luciana from Brasil = )
1. Which team do you think will win? I hope Argentina. Nothing can be worse to Brasil than what happened in the semi-final. Having said that, I hope that Argentina can honour Latin America.
2. Who is the star of the World Cup so far?  Costa Rica’s team. ahahahah
5. What are the worst things about this World Cup in your opinion?  1- That it is happening here in Brasil (for the well known reasons)  2- Ronaldo as commentator (someone said that with two more remarks he will equal Pelé’s stupidity record)  3- Costa Rica’s elimination  4- Brasil fans booing the team when it’s losing.  6. Any other comments?  What I really came here to tell you is this: Do you know who is to blame for that disastrous Germany 7×1 Brasil? Mick Jagger.  Brasil losing the match is not his fault, but since I’ve seen the promotional video about Monty Phyton’s reunion, and noticed that Mick Jagger was watching a football match narrated by one of the most known (and most disliked) brasilian football narrators, Galvão Bueno, I sensed disaster… ps. Just so you know, it’s a well known fact here in Brazil that everytime Mick declares his support for Brasil, the team loses the match. He is what we call “pé-frio” (cold feet in a direct translation, someone who gives bad luck to others).
July 13, 2014 at 4:12 am #7039

jhon vidal   
hi, Luke Fluke! I remember in one of your old podcasts you mention that. Haha,  I´m just kidding!! I’d like to congratulate you on your great podcast because I’ve listened to it for 1 year and a half and it has helped me a lot. Thanks!!  Sorry for all my typing errors.  By the way I am Jhon from mexico!
1. Which team do you think will win?  obviously Germany.
2. Who is the star of the World Cup so far?  I think Mullen from Germany
3. What has surprised you the most in this competition?
Big teams have not passed next round such as a Spain, Portugal, England, Italy and  many South American teams qualified such as Costa Rica and the most recent disappointment of Brazil. Nobody expected this final result 7-1.
4. What are some of the best moments so far? Well, the most recent has been the good game of Germany because the game Holland vs Argentina for me was a little boring.
5. What are the worst things about this World Cup in your opinion?  Let me see… I think the bite of Luis Suarez, the acting or performances by Robben and the refereeing in some games.
6. Any other comments?  I hope Germany win because this is the team that I support after eliminated Mexico. It  would be nice if you did a podcast on schools in Uk because I´m interested in studying in a school in the Uk.  Also it would be good to upload videos on youtube as you did in the interviews in london.  By the way you’ve got a good sense of humor I laugh a lot with your sarcasm – hilarious!! haha  thanks for all Luke!! cheers!

July 13, 2014 at 1:17 pm #7041

evelin
Hello Luke
Unfortunately , it is time to say goodbye to World Cup 2014 , which was amazingly eventful and entertaining. Today’s final match is going to be fascinating , because in my opinion even if everybody bets on the German team, I think there is no favourite in such an important game , both teams have equal chance to win . Before the first Argentina match I was worried about their defence but now it turned out that they have probably the best defence , led by Javier “Rambo” Mascherano I can’t wait to see Leo Messi with the World Cup ! My prediction : Argentina will win in a penalty shootout.  PS . Don’t worry Brazil ! It could be worse…. actually…no it couldn’t
July 15, 2014 at 11:00 am #7043

Luke Thompson
Hello, this thread is now closed and I plan to upload a podcast with your comments in the next day or two. Thanks for commenting! If you have other comments to make, you can write in other forum threads. Cheers, Luke

195. British Comedy: Monty Python’s Flying Circus

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The series about British Comedy continues with everything you need to know about Monty Python’s Flying Circus and an analysis of The (Dead) Parrot Sketch. Right-click here to download this episode.

And now for something completely different. It’s…Monty Python’s Flying Circus

Introduction
This episode is the next in the series about British Comedy. I had to do an episode about Python. They’re such an important, popular and celebrated part of our comedy history. They’re very well rated by lots of people. Some say they’re overrated. I don’t think so. I like almost all of their comedy. They’ve been very influential on popular culture in general, but more specifically on plenty of other comedians and TV shows in the UK and in USA too (e.g. The Simpsons and South Park probably wouldn’t exist without Python). Also, this year they are in the middle of a comeback, putting on stage performances of their greatest material live at the 02 Arena in London. Live performances will be broadcast in cinemas around the world too, so check out their website for more information if you want to see it. Personally, I’d like to see the reunion tour, but I’m quite happy watching their sketches and movies on TV and listening to the records on my mp3 player as I walk around. I’m really happy to share my love of Python with you. Some of you will already be aware of them, some of you won’t. I’ve already played you some of their stuff before, including the Four Yorkshiremen, The Argument Sketch, Swamp Castle and the Silly Election. So I’m sure already pretty familiar with them. Anyway, this episode should be your go-to guide for everything you need to know about Monty Python. You can use it to make sure you are fully clued up about this essential part of modern British culture.

I could go on and on about it for ages, talking about how special their comedy is to me personally (and plenty of other people) but instead I think it’s best to go straight to their comedy and let it speak for itself. I realise that by talking about it a lot, I’m just building it up and then you’ll find it anti-climactic.

So, after I’ve explained a few things about Python, we’re also going to spend some time listening to one of their sketches. I’ll explain things so that you understand it all fully, just like a native speaker – and a native speaker who gets all the jokes. Hopefully this will just be one single episode. I’ll try and keep it brief. In a way this is one of the hardest episodes of LEP I’ve ever done because it’s hard to get across in a simple way the appeal of Monty Python. Also, I can’t choose a sketch. I like them all too much. I also realise that you might not find it funny. Never mind. The main thing is that you learn some things about culture and some language and if you find it funny that’s a bonus. SO DON’T EXPECT TO FIND ANY OF THIS FUNNY, ALRIGHT? NO FUN IN THIS EPISODE!

Everything You Need To Know about Monty Python’s Flying Circus (and perhaps some things you don’t really need to know)
Remember, this is not a blog post, it’s just some text which accompanies this audio episode. So, to get the full information you should listen to the podcast.
Who are they?
Why are they called “Monty Python’s Flying Circus”
Where did they come from?
What did they do?
What was so special about it? Why do people like it so much?
The wild, crazy & anarchic approach.
The postmodern approach – breaking all the rules.
The performances.
The writing.
The originality (although this kind of thing had been started by The Goon Show, Spike Milligan & Peter Cook)
The animations.
The level of intelligence, combined with the readiness to be completely stupid too.
What effect has their work had on culture in general?
Is their comedy still funny or relevant today?
What does their comedy tell us about the British sense of humour?
What are some of the most famous Monty Python moments?

Sketches
Let’s listen to some sketches by Python. Below is a list of some of my favourite sketches by Monty Python. You can see most of them on their YouTube channel . I strongly suggest you buy their work too. Here’s a list on Amazon of pretty much everything you can purchase by Monty Python’s Flying Circus. My favourites are the movies “Monty Python & The Holy Grail”, “Life of Brian”, “Live at the Hollywood Bowl” and the audio recording of “Live at Drury Lane”. Don’t bother with the TV show unless you’re a hardcore fan. You could just get “The Best of Monty Python’s Flying Circus” if you want to see some of their sketches. Otherwise, just check out videos from their YouTube channel here.

I will probably come back to Python sketches in the future because there’s no way I can cover everything in this episode. I’ll be lucky to get through more than 2 sketches to be honest.

PLEASE DO NOT EXPECT TO FIND ANYTHING FUNNY.

The Parrot Sketch
I can’t really explain why this is ‘funny’ – in fact many people agree that it isn’t their funniest sketch, but it’s definitely the most famous one. Most people know some lines from it. Some people know every line and can recite the entire sketch from memory. Thatcher quoted it in a speech once. Let’s listen and find out what all the fuss is about.

Script for the Parrot Sketch
MR. PRALINE
John Cleese
SHOP OWNER
Michael Palin
The sketch:

A customer enters a pet shop.

Mr. Praline: ‘Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

(The owner does not respond.)

Mr. Praline: ‘Ello, Miss?

Owner: What do you mean “miss”?

Mr. Praline: (pause)I’m sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!

Owner: We’re closin’ for lunch.

Mr. Praline: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.

Owner: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue…What’s,uh…What’s wrong with it?

Mr. Praline: I’ll tell you what’s wrong with it, my lad. ‘E’s dead, that’s what’s wrong with it!

Owner: No, no, ‘e’s uh,…he’s resting.

Mr. Praline: Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I’m looking at one right now.

Owner: No no he’s not dead, he’s, he’s restin’! Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, idn’it, ay? Beautiful plumage!

Mr. Praline: The plumage don’t enter into it. It’s stone dead.

Owner: Nononono, no, no! ‘E’s resting!

Mr. Praline: All right then, if he’s restin’, I’ll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) ‘Ello, Mister Polly Parrot! I’ve got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you show…

(owner hits the cage)

Owner: There, he moved!

Mr. Praline: No, he didn’t, that was you hitting the cage!

Owner: I never!!

Mr. Praline: Yes, you did!

Owner: I never, never did anything…

Mr. Praline: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) ‘ELLO POLLY!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o’clock alarm call!

(Takes parrot out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)

Mr. Praline: Now that’s what I call a dead parrot.

Owner: No, no…..No, ‘e’s stunned!

Mr. Praline: STUNNED?!?

Owner: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin’ up! Norwegian Blues stun easily, major.

Mr. Praline: Um…now look…now look, mate, I’ve definitely ‘ad enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not ‘alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein’ tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.

Owner: Well, he’s…he’s, ah…probably pining for the fjords.

Mr. Praline: PININ’ for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got ‘im home?

Owner: The Norwegian Blue prefers keepin’ on it’s back! Remarkable bird, id’nit, squire? Lovely plumage!

Mr. Praline: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.

(pause)

Owner: Well, o’course it was nailed there! If I hadn’t nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent ’em apart with its beak, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!

Mr. Praline: “VOOM”?!? Mate, this bird wouldn’t “voom” if you put four million volts through it! ‘E’s bleedin’ demised!

Owner: No no! ‘E’s pining!

Mr. Praline: ‘E’s not pinin’! ‘E’s passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! ‘E’s expired and gone to meet ‘is maker! ‘E’s a stiff! Bereft of life, ‘e rests in peace! If you hadn’t nailed ‘im to the perch ‘e’d be pushing up the daisies! ‘Is metabolic processes are now ‘istory! ‘E’s off the twig! ‘E’s kicked the bucket, ‘e’s shuffled off ‘is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!

(pause)

Owner: Well, I’d better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I’ve had a look ’round the back of the shop, and uh, we’re right out of parrots.

Mr. Praline: I see. I see, I get the picture.

Owner: (pause) I got a slug.

(pause)

Mr. Praline: Pray, does it talk?

Owner: Nnnnot really.

Mr. Praline: WELL IT’S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?

Owner: N-no, I guess not. (gets ashamed, looks at his feet)

Mr. Praline: Well.

(pause)

Owner: (quietly) D’you…. d’you want to come back to my place?

Mr. Praline: (looks around) Yeah, all right, sure.

Alternate ending:

Mr. Praline: (sweet as sugar) Pray, does it talk?

Owner: Nnnnot really.

Mr. Praline: WELL IT’S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?

The Dead Parrot Sketch (The Studio Version)

The Dead Parrot Sketch (Live version – funnier)

The Pythons Talk about The Dead Parrot Sketch

Margaret Thatcher does The Dead Parrot Sketch

Mick Jagger of The Rolling Stones talks about the Python reunion, saying they are… “a bunch of wrinkly old men trying to relive their youth. The best one died years ago. Maybe back in the 70s it was fantastic! But, you know, we’ve seen it all before!” Of course he is making fun of himself (the same things are true about the Stones) and yet also showing his respect for Monty Python. At the end of this sketch Mick agrees to perform The Dead Parrot Sketch in the next Rolling Stones concert.

Other Sketches That I like
Spam (This is the origin of the word spam on the internet. It’s completely farcical)
Witch Burning
The Peasants
What have the Romans ever done for us?
The Funniest Joke in the World
The Communists Quiz
The Philosopher’s Football Match
The Spanish Inquisition
The Ministry of Silly Walks
The songs!
The Lumberjack Song, The Philosopher Song, Always Look on the Bright Side of Life.
The Dirty Fork (The Restaurant Sketch)
Nudge Nudge Wink Wink
+ many more…

Terry Gilliam’s Animations

Famous American Comedians Talk About Why They Love Monty Python

Why do people like Monty Python so much? (Comments from YAHOO ANSWERS)
ORIGINAL QUESTION: Hysteria98: Why do people find Monty Python funny? The only reason I can think of why, is that its so ridiculous.
Best AnswerVoter’s Choice
It’s ridiculously funny and funnily ridiculous. It’s genius.
you have to look at it in the context of the time it was on TV for the first time- in the late 60s and early 70s nothing like it had ever been seen before- the sheer randomness was exciting as you never knew what was going to happen next. Remember there were only 2 TV channels in the UK back then, so Monty Python was hysterically fun and funny

Black Star Deceiver answered 4 years ago
Oh it’s unpredictable, so simple and yet sheer genius. The guys are legends.
Long Live the comedy of Monty Python!

Mike answered 4 years ago
Monty python has not dated at all, it was funny then and funny now, ridiculous situations are funny no matter what decade, for instance the guy who wrote the worlds funniest joke, it was so funny he died laughing at it, so the army used the joke and translated it to german to shout at the enemy, instead of shooting at them !

Alice answered 4 years ago
I can understand your question perfectly.
Its probably a generational thing.
I’ve noticed a lot of older friends of mine really love it but i just dont get where the “Funny” is…
It doesn’t even make me smile. I like comedy that examines people, their personalities and situations that they get into.

Alan Partridge
Father Ted
Peep Show

kaznaid answered 4 years ago
Sadly, I remember MP when it was first broadcast on BBC 1 in 1969. Actually, I didn’t find it very funny but I was only 12 years old.

I only started to laugh after I watched Life of Brian and Holy Grail. Some of it is very silly but, last week, I saw the Upper Class Twit Olympics on the BBC’s celebration of the programme, and I laughed so much I cried!!

So, it just shows that it obviously does not date … and it can grow on you although it did take 40 years!!!

Intrinsic Random Event answered 4 years ago
They are the Dali of comedy

legs answered 4 years ago
It was very much of its time – groundbreaking – much loved by many of my generation. I was studying for GCEs & my English teacher was a great fan as were most of his pupils. It was a must see for many of us after all we only had BBC1 & ITV, then BBC2 came along but not the multi-channel choice now available. I still laugh at the sketches & the films. I have a weird sense of humour maybe that explains why I like it!

Lexx answered 4 years ago
off the wall humour that pushes the boundaries with out resorting to sex and profanity ( well most of the time)
They pushed the limits of comedy which now has become the norm – but MP lead the way for many comedians that are amazing
Long live the Python!!

Rebecca answered 4 years ago
Because it is ridiculous. You have 2 types of people, those that find it funny because it is silly and those who cannot get past the silly to see the humor.
For example the attack rabbit “what is he going to do, nibble my bum?”

Mae answered 4 years ago
That’s the reason it’s so funny, it’s just insanely ridiculous. That kind of funny that makes your stomach hurt you’re laughing so much.

itsjustme answered 4 years ago
It was the late 60’s early 70’s and they were pushing the edge back then,therefor it was very funny.This is a funny scene and a catchy tune too.

Sniper answered 4 years ago
I didn’t think people found it funny at all o_O

MrMunchy420 answered 4 years ago
Because its just brilliant in general.
Ridiculous does have a lot to do with it :P

Abolyss answered 4 years ago
that is exactly why.

Its so ridiculous its funny.
Huh? It is funny!! And it’s so random.

knownout answered 4 years ago
I don’t . Its just stupidity

The Script for the Introduction to This Podcast (Which I didn’t use – because it’s too similar to the opening of Monty Python Live at Drury Lane, and I don’t want to steal their jokes!)
Radio voice… Welcome ladies and gentlemen to this special Royal Gala edition of Luke’s English Podcast. You join us here at the Royal Albert Hall, where this podcast is being recorded with a star studded audience, including her Royal Highness The Queen.
Among the other members of this celebrity audience, we can see… err… what’s his name… umm, that guy with the glasses on TV… also in the audience this evening, um, that woman, you know, the one in the TV commercials about that thing… just arriving now, it’s… um, you know that famous guy who is always in the newspapers…
And the atmosphere here at the Albert hall, with a royal audience, is electric, as the audience finally takes their seats to witness the recording of this extra special episode on British comedy legends, Monty Python’s Flying Circus. Unfortunately, none of the original pythons are present this evening, for legal reasons, but their spirit is very much with us… unless someone has just farted… Yes I think that’s it actually. And the lights now dim in the auditorium as Mr Luke Thompson of Solihull, takes the stage to begin the recording of this Royal podcast episode.
Good evening (cheering)
And I would especially like to welcome Her Royal Highness, it is indeed a great pleasure to have you here this evening. How’s it going? Sorry, I can’t hear you… I SAID HOW’S IT GOING LIZ??? Oh sorry…
Anyway, we are here today in order to pay tribute to the work of the comedy group known as Monty Python’s Flying Circus. (disappointment)
You did know that didn’t you?
You didn’t?
Wait, don’t leave… it’s interesting, I promise!
Wait…
Your majesty!
Everybody, this is going to be a really good podcast! Wait!
(Voice over) and as everybody leaves the auditorium, Luke has no choice but to continue the recording for our benefit…

Monty Python Live at Drury Lane

193. Culture Shock: Life in London (Pt.2)

6 Replies

More explanations of some common complaints about life in London. For part 1, click here. To download this episode, click here.

In part 1 I talked about some common complaints made by students regarding life in London. I think many of those complaints count as just examples of culture shock. In this episode I try and explain these issues, to encourage a broader understanding of why Londoners live the way they do.

Here are the complaints I talk about in this episode:
8. “It’s too expensive”
Yes, it is. :(

9. “The beer is warm! This is ridiculous!”
Some types of beer are not supposed to be served chilled, but yes I agree – beer (particularly lager) is often not served cold enough. Often this is bad cellar management or just because the glass has just come out of the washing machine and is still warm – or the glasses are stored in a warm place next to a fridge.

10. “The houses are old and draughty”
Yes, I do agree with this actually. In many cases, old buildings are not very energy efficient. Many buildings in London are from the Victorian era, and therefore have the original windows. They let draughts in sometimes, and don’t keep out the cold as well as they should. It may be necessary to install secondary double-glazing, but it’s a bit expensive and plenty of people choose not to do it. Here are some explanations for the draughty window complaint:
a. It can be expensive to replace windows with modern ones. Some buildings are just cheap and poorly maintained because life in London is really expensive and people are attempting to make a living. Some landlords are greedy and don’t care about their tenants! Also, if you’re a student staying in ‘cheap’ short-let accommodation, you might get slightly poor facilities (even if it seems expensive to you – you might be renting property which is cheaper than the market average. Sorry!)
b. We don’t feel the cold as much as you because we’re used to it.
c. You are quite far north! It’s just colder up here. Blame geography!
d. There may be old laws protecting the windows in these buildings. Although these windows aren’t as effective as modern ones, they add value to a property because they are the original, traditional windows. In London, we value the tradition, and the craftsmanship of these old windows. Ultimately, that is perhaps more important than the energy efficiency of the windows. Changing them would somehow reduce the aesthetic value of the buildings.
There are plenty of new buildings in London which are constructed with excellent modern windows and insulation, so we are perfectly capable of installing good windows! So, to an extent I agree with this complaint.

11. “The people are so reserved – they don’t talk to each other on the train.”
One reason for not making conversation is because we don’t want to disturb the people around us.
The city is so big that you’re unlikely to see the same person again, so what’s the point in getting to know a stranger.
People are not unfriendly. They’re friendly enough. They’ll help you if you ask politely, but don’t expect to make friends right away.
The train or bus is not the place for this. It’s more likely to happen in a social gathering.
We don’t want to get stuck in a conversation for ages on a long journey.
We give each other personal space, and don’t invade each other’s lives too much. Don’t impose yourself on other people! If you’re cool, you’ll understand this.
It can be a bit stressful or even traumatic to be stuffed into a train, so close to everyone. Making eye contact or talking can be uncomfortable because people don’t have the option to ‘escape’ from the situation.
People don’t want to be forced to be rude (to stop a conversation or something) and so they prefer not to start the conversation in the first place.
People can be reserved, but we’re not mean. Just because people respect each other’s personal space it doesn’t mean we’re all cold hearted and unfriendly. In fact, it’s very considerate to not impose yourself on other people when they have busy lives to deal with.

12. “Why don’t people carry umbrellas even when it’s raining?”
13. “The internet is so slow here”
14. “You just don’t make any effort to speak other languages here. It’s just ENGLISH, and that’s it.”
15. “Why oh why do the pubs close at 11PM!?? I’m just getting ready to go out at 11!”
16. “English people aren’t civilised. They go to the pub and just drink and drink, standing up, without eating”
17. “Cigarettes are ridiculously expensive”
18. “People speak really fast here, and don’t try to help me understand”
19. “When English people do the washing up, they use too much soap and then don’t rinse the soap off when they’ve finished. That’s like leaving poison on your plates”
20. “They have carpet everywhere – even in the toilet sometimes”
21. “They don’t take their shoes off when they enter a house. That’s disgusting isn’t it?”
22. “The British have a weird sense of humour”.

Song
At the end of this episode, I play the ukulele and sing a song called “Ape Man” by The Kinks. It’s at the end of the episode, so you don’t have to listen to it if you don’t want to! You can read the lyrics below.

Ape Man – The Kinks – Lyrics (video below)
I think I’m sophisticated
‘Cos I’m living my life like a good homosapien
But all around me everybody’s multiplying
Till they’re walking round like flies man
So I’m no better than the animals sitting in their cages
In the zoo man
‘Cos compared to the flowers and the birds and the trees
I am an ape man
I think I’m so educated and I’m so civilized
‘Cos I’m a strict vegetarian
But with the over-population and inflation and starvation
And the crazy politicians
I don’t feel safe in this world no more
I don’t want to die in a nuclear war
I want to sail away to a distant shore and make like an ape man
I’m an ape man, I’m an ape ape man
I’m an ape man I’m a King Kong man I’m ape ape man
I’m an ape man
‘Cos compared to the sun that sits in the sky
Compared to the clouds as they roll by
Compared to the bugs and the spiders and flies
I am an ape man
In man’s evolution he has created the cities and
The motor traffic rumble, but give me half a chance
And I’d be taking off my clothes and living in the jungle
‘Cos the only time that I feel at ease
Is swinging up and down in a coconut tree
Oh what a life of luxury to be like an ape man
I’m an ape, I’m an ape ape man, I’m an ape man
I’m a King Kong man, I’m a voo-doo man
I’m an ape man
I look out my window, but I can’t see the sky
‘Cos the air pollution is fogging up my eyes
I want to get out of this city alive
And make like an ape man
Come and love me, be my ape man girl
And we will be so happy in my ape man world
I’m an ape man, I’m an ape ape man, I’m an ape man
I’m a King Kong man, I’m a voo-doo man
I’m an ape man
I’ll be your Tarzan, you’ll be my Jane
I’ll keep you warm and you’ll keep me sane
And we’ll sit in the trees and eat bananas all day
Just like an ape man
I’m an ape man, I’m an ape ape man, I’m an ape man
I’m a King Kong man, I’m a voo-doo man
I’m an ape man.
I don’t feel safe in this world no more
I don’t want to die in a nuclear war
I want to sail away to a distant shore
And make like an ape man.
The Kinks performing Apeman on British TV in 1970.

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Luke’s ENGLISH Podcast

Learn British English with Luke Thompson

Category Archives: Culture

206. Summer in London (Part 2)

205. Summer in London (Part 1)

202. British Comedy: Monty Python & The Holy Grail

201. Nikolay Kulikov: A Russian Comedian in London

197. World Cup 2014 (Part 6: Final Comments)

195. British Comedy: Monty Python’s Flying Circus

193. Culture Shock: Life in London (Pt.2)

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