Category Archives: Learning

146. Nightmare Teaching Experiences (Part 2)

The continuation of this two part episode about being an English language teacher, and some of the difficult experiences that involves.

Right-click here to download this episode.

A transcript/notes are available for this episode below.

3. The Whiteboard
-The smelly Victorian women’s hospital
-Great views
-Felt like the place was falling apart
-Old stained carpets, mould on the walls
-It stinks! – he was right
-It was never bright. I worked there for one year, including two sweaty summers and one long cold winter. Sometimes the lights would flicker and just die, leaving us in murky darkness. It’s never a good start when the students in the class can’t really see the teacher, each other or the board.
-Some of the students lived in the building and they hated it. Lots of things seemed to go wrong for me in that place. I remember once telling my students some ghost stories about London, and about that building in particular. I thought it was just a bit of light relief, a nice break from doing IELTS practice tests. The next day I saw one of the girls from that class in the corridor, in tears. Her friends told me that she was so freaked out by my ghost stories that she couldn’t live in the building any more. On Friday I saw her hurrying away from the place with a large suitcase. My fault.
-One day I was teaching and the whiteboard fell off the wall. I was teaching something at the board, writing, and the whole thing just dropped off the wall and the corner hit the floor very loudly and made a dent in the floor.
-It made a very loud noise and the students jumped, except for one sleepy Japanese guy who wouldn’t have jumped if I’d stuck 20,000volts through him, and sometimes I was tempted but the others kind of jumped a lot. I just propped the board on the wall, and carried on. I couldn’t really complain a lot about it, although I was understandably pretty angry and surprised. I couldn’t complain about it though because complaining about it would have been unprofessional, so I just propped it up against the wall and we kept going. The next day, we came back to class and the whiteboard was just gone, leaving an empty space on the wall, where the wall paint was all fresh and still glossy from when it had been applied all those years ago.

I’d planned some white board work, and I had my pens, so I just wrote on the wall where the board had been. I was pretty pissed off that I had no whiteboard so I just thought “what the hell” and wrote directly onto the wall. The students found it pretty funny, and it gave a kind of ridiculous edge to proceedings, which I find often helps somehow. The thing is, the wall was much better as a whiteboard than the old scratched whiteboard had been. The old one wasn’t even a whiteboard any more. It was so dirty and scratched. It was a grey board. So for about 3 days I happily wrote on the wall. The writing rubbed off nicely because it was a glossy surface. In the end the grey board appeared back again and it was business as usual.

It was a pretty cool class in the end, although I had to compensate for the crappy resources. The CD player always skipped, the lights flickered, the tables and chairs rocked. The students had to sit in these chairs which had little mini tables on the side. The tables were tiny though, and so people’s books and notes would fall on the floor ALL THE TIME. These things don’t help, and they can really screw you up if you’re not prepared for it. These are all standard problems which we should always be ready for!

What I learned:
Use mishaps in your classes to your advantage. They can become funny moments. Ultimately, your aim is to continue teaching, and not stand around complaining about facilities while the students do nothing. Stay professional at all times. That doesn’t mean formal and strict, but keeping in mind that you mustn’t waste any of the students’ precious time. The lesson must go on. Also, never assume that the facilities will be right. Be prepared for facilities not to work or not to be available. Learn to teach without relying on too many other things.

4. Teaching in a cupboard
-The school was full
-I had a smallish class
-My manager said, you’ll have to teach in ‘the computer room’
-This was not as cool as you’d expect
-It was basically a broom cupboard
-To exacerbate things, there was a kind of bar/counter going around the room with computers on it. This greatly reduced the space in the room. All our chairs were right against the bar.
-We’d all sit there with our knees banging together. It was definitely INTENSIVE general English. None of us could move.
-The whiteboard was behind me, leaning against the back of the door. I had to write with my arm all twisted up over my shoulder.
-Whenever anyone wanted to come in they’d open the door and the whiteboard would hit me on the back of the head. This happened a lot because as I said, this was the computer room so people were constantly trying to get in to check their emails (this is before smartphones) even though there was a note on the door – in my experience, in language schools people just completely ignore notes. Notes or notices are invisible in language schools. As are the “engaged” signs on toilets. In every language school I’ve worked, people have ignored the red “engaged” sign on a toilet door. Why is it that learners of English have to check that the toilet is occupied by trying to open the door? Like, if the sign is red, why would you try to open the door? You’re just going to walk into someone with their trousers down. If the sign is red, don’t try to open the door!
-Whenever students were late in that class they had to climb over the other students in order to get a seat. It was very awkward and weird.

What I learned:
To be honest, I’m not sure what I learned from this experience!

5. Teaching kids in Japan
-This was pretty early in my career. I was in Japan, teaching mainly adults but the school wanted me to teach kids too. I thought it might be another string to my bow so I agreed to take the training.
-During the training I was very sleepy and couldn’t concentrate. As a result, I learned nothing.
-I’ve already talked about the tight schedule of teaching. I often had just 10 minutes to finish teaching one class, complete notes and get down two floors to begin the kids class.
-The general scene was that there was a small room with a glass door so the parents could observe everything going on in the class. The parents, who were all housewives basically, would bring the kids and then watch the lesson through the window.
-3-6 year olds in one class
-Difficult to get them into the room
-Either crying or going mental
-They’d crawl all over me
-They covered me in crayon once
-Just my presence seemed to drive them into a frenzy
-They were different with the other teacher
-I had to conclude that I just had a mad energy that they could sense, and which drove them crazy
-They’d be tearing posters off the walls, climbing up onto the counter and throwing things everywhere
-I caught one kid just spitting on the wall
-They would open the cupboard and start chucking stuff out of the window.
-All the time at least one of them would be stuck to me
-One kid, a sweet kid called Dan, just could not hear me. He would be off, in his own world and I would call him back, like “DAN” etc. The other kids would join in and we’d all be going “DAN DAN DAN”. He learned that in English his name was DAN. So, I’d say, “what’s your name?” and he’d say “my name is DAN!”. Apparently, the family went on holiday once and a foreigner (probably an American) said to him, “hello there, what’s your name?” and he said “My name is DAN!” – The parents were over the moon!
-I learned to distract them with cards – it became all about card games, and races and repetition. Sometimes I would be quite impressed and in all the madness I’d catch them engaging in small bits of English. For example, “it’s mine” – which they would often pronounce as “itchi mai”, or just the colours or other words.
-One day we were joined by another kid called Ritomo. I genuinely think he had behavioural issues. He was incredible hyper and aggressive. I’d manage to get them sitting in a circle quite peacefully, but Ritomo was like a time bomb. I could see him building up, until he would explode and start reaching across, grabbing at the faces of other kids, kicking the other kids and eventually just running around the room like the Tasmanian devil. Once, he grabbed all the cards I was using and legged it out of the classroom into the stairwell, and just chucked all the cards down the stairwell.
-After contending with all this I would usually be boiling hot and very uncomfortable, sometimes covered in crayon or even worse – child saliva on my shirt. I’d then have to run upstairs and straight into a lesson with some salarymen, and I’d have to sit there sweating and wiping off the saliva from my shirt while teaching these serious guys.
-Ultimately, it was very touching teaching these kids. I didn’t realise how they’d become attached to me. When they understood that I was leaving Japan, there were tears. One kid, a 4 year old called Ryo came to school but he wouldn’t come into class because he was too upset about me leaving. He really wanted to say goodbye to me, but he couldn’t do it. Instead he just hid under a chair, crying. One of the other kids wouldn’t let me go, and grabbed onto my leg. They were adorable, but only when it was time for me to leave!

6. Hubris
-This is probably the class that I remember being the most difficult. There have been others but this one stuck in my mind. I wonder if anyone listening to this was even in that class. For me it was not nice, but I don’t know how it was for them in the end. Sometimes you just don’t know what your students are thinking. I’ve had classes in which I was convinced everything was awful and it turned out they were all happy, and the other way round. I’ve been rudely awakened by some comment that a student doesn’t like her classmates even though she happily interacts with them all day long. You never know sometimes. But in this class I knew pretty quickly that it was going to be difficult. As a teacher you start to learn to read certain signs about a class. Some things let you know that it’s going to be one of those classes. I mentioned things above. A lot of those things happened in this class.

-Basically, it’s a story of ‘hubris’ – which means when you have an arrogantly enlarged sense of self-confidence which causes you to believe you can’t fail, but then you do. It comes from ancient Greek mythology. I did one difficult course and did it well, and because of that I assumed I would be great in the next course, but I was wrong, and it was a total nightmare. Perhaps it was not all due to me, in fact I’m sure it wasn’t as I’m about to explain, but still, I look back on it as a difficult experience which I now wish I’d done differently, but from which I’ve learned a lot.

So, what happened? I hear you ask.
It was two weeks before Christmas in the middle of a cold, dark London winter. I’d just finished teaching a one week class of executive business people. This was a very important class, and I had been stressed before that, but stressed in a good way because I prepared myself fully for the lessons by checking the backgrounds of the students I had, looking at their needs and preferences for learning English, checking their professions carefully and then selecting a 30 hour course which covered all the things they needed. I spent lots of time preparing and photocopying material and generally psyching myself up. I dressed nicely and all that. One guy in particular on the course was a VIP who worked as a top-level director for a German car manufacturer. He was a really important client, this imposing German guy. So, I worked very hard on the course with very little preparation time, we worked in class for 6 hours a day. I listened, helped, recommended, prepared specialist vocabulary, facilitated, set up role plays, dealt with grammar, pronunciation, feedback, I went the extra mile, I bent over backwards and I delivered a very good course in the end. It helped that the participants were hard-working professionals themselves, who were able to concentrate and see the benefit of what we were doing, but I felt pretty pleased with myself, especially after the stress I’d felt at the start of the week. The group gave me very good feedback, and the VIP even told my boss that he thought I was the best teacher he’d ever had. Wow, I felt great. I’m a fantastic teacher, I thought.

At 5.30PM that Friday my boss told me about the course I’d be teaching starting Monday, after the weekend. It was a group of about 10 young professionals, here to study business English before finishing their degrees, or finding a post-graduate job. They were all in their early 20s with little business experience. I thought “no problem, I’m the best teacher in the world, I’ll just do my thing. I’ll be like some business English guru for them. After the tough week I’ve just had, this will be a walk in the park”. It was hubris. Pride before a fall.

A number of factors led to this being one of my most difficult courses. Some of it was my fault, some of it the fault of my students, and some the fault of factors out of my control. So, what were those reasons?

Let me first tell you what went wrong, and then the reasons why it happened, and then what I learned from the experience.

The class was going to be a combination of students from two already existing classes, and a new person. So, some of them came from a business class, others came from a difficult legal English course, and one girl was new in the school that Monday. The business class was the same course as this one, so for them it was a continuation of their normal class. Same room, same programme, but with a new teacher and other new people coming into their room. The law class were exhausted and fed up from doing so much work. They’d been doing loads of writing, role plays and exam practice, finishing with a very tough legal English exam. They were not in the mood to do any work. It was their last week before going home. These two groups were like buddies really, two groups of buddies, and they didn’t really mix. Also, they had no real reason to mix because they knew in two weeks it would all be over and they’d be going home. It’s kind of like everyone had given up making any effort. Then, there was the new girl who entered in the middle of this bad atmosphere. I don’t know if it was her, or the atmosphere of the situation she joined, but she behaved in a really bad way, being rude from the beginning, lots of attitude, not willing to work, challenging things, answering over me, flirting with me, making me feel uncomfortable and kind of spoiling activities in class. I expected the others to kind of take to her quite badly, as she was basically poisoning the class. However, they all seemed to like her and kind of let her get away with it, as if it justified the fact they didn’t have to do any work. At the same time though, I was sure that they would all be pissed off about the fact that we weren’t achieving anything in our classes. It turns out they saw me as the reason for that, not her or their weird behaviour. This new girl was quite a bullying influence in the room, and I suspect that others didn’t like her but were not willing to step in and stop it.

It was also a class full of women, except for one quiet Korean guy, who left after the first week. So, there was a kind of odd tension and the usual working friendship between the students that develops after a few hours had not developed. In fact, I found it very hard to get the first lesson really underway at all. After an hour or so I realised that we had managed to achieve almost nothing, I hadn’t put the students under pressure enough, we hadn’t really done any challenging grammar work or vocabulary development and they hadn’t been really activated with a task and I could definitely sense trouble. People were not getting involved, some seemed to be frustratingly impatient while others wasted time. I asked them to make short presentations about themselves, involving standing up and talking for 5 minutes each. Normally I write down all the mistakes they make and then give them all individual language feedback and ask them other questions after each presentation. This allows the class to get to know each other, put their English on display, give me a chance to work out their language needs, bond them together by putting them through a little challenge, and to immediately give them some very direct help by correcting their errors. The presentations all fell flat, with the speakers just grinding to a halt after a few minutes, while I attempted to encourage others to ask more questions. They didn’t seem interested in each other, and I was not able to write down any meaningful language feedback. All I could write on the board, was a few obvious and easily corrected errors. No impact at all. Instead I just got the sense that each person was making a terribly bad first impression on the others, with no sense of rapport developing at all. It was like my plan didn’t just fall flat, but sent the class in the opposite direction. At one point, a presentation ended up in a conversation between two of the girls about a very sensitive ethnic and political topic, involving a nation of refugees and a conflict over a land border between two countries. It was a very divisive and controversial topic, and a personal one because one of the girls was from that region of the world. I could feel other members of the class bristling over the direction it took. When I intervened to get the girls back on topic, they seemed personally offended that I stopped them talking about it. Everything seemed to be going wrong.

All the usual signs were there. These are the signs that things are not going well.
You give them a short task to do in pairs, the idea being that they communicate in English while also doing a language or skills class. They ignore their partners completely.
You ask the class to do an exercise. One of them doesn’t do the exercise and instead sits there trying to make eye contact with you because they’re not happy about something. Then when you ask if everything is okay, they don’t mention anything, but moodily start the exercise. While doing feedback on the exercise, someone sighs very loudly at an inappropriate moment, perhaps while someone else is talking.
The exercises I gave them just seemed to just die in the air. Usually, a class will feed on something and build it into something bigger. That didn’t happen. I felt like a fool as nothing I said seemed to have any value to them at all! Things I wrote on the board seemed badly written, uninsightful and unhelpful. It was like teaching underwater. The air was thick. You could cut the atmosphere with a knife. The distance between me and the students seemed vast. I’d taught plenty of classes in that room before and I liked it because it had a comfy, warm and almost intimate atmosphere. This time it was like a cold hospital ward. Students would often come in late, or just not come back after lunch. I decided I had to put my foot down. When the difficult girl arrived late, I asked her “why are you late?” and she gave me a bad excuse, like “I slept through my alarm clock”, and then instead of acknowledging that she should be in class on time (because arriving late disturbs the class, she doesn’t know what’s going on, we waste time and lose concentration as everything has to be explained) she just kind of challenged me over it and it became an awkward conflict, which she felt like she had to win. I felt like some of these students had been to business school and had learned that you must negotiate everything, don’t make any concessions and analyse anyone in authority for leadership skills. If I didn’t fit their Jack Welch or Jeff Bezos model for leadership then I wasn’t worth anything.

Then I heard from another teacher (the one who had been teaching that class before me – a really charismatic older guy with lots of experience) that some of my students weren’t happy and that they missed his class. They said my class was “terrible” and they weren’t happy. Oh no. Bad news for Luke! I decided I would really put my foot down and straighten the class out. After lunch I had a go at them for being late, and for not taking part properly. I hate doing that in class. Absolutely hate it, because I’m not good at it. Well, I’m better now because I’m older but then I was younger and I was never good at being tough. It’s just not in my character. If I get angry or tough, it shows on my face and I don’t seem strong. I just seem upset and weaker. I don’t get confrontational or strict generally, and so it’s weird to do it. I guess they didn’t buy what I was saying because it didn’t make a difference. In fact, I suspect it caused them to lose confidence in me. Again, the absolute reverse of what I had hoped to achieve actually happened. I wanted to put my foot down, and I just ended up putting my foot in my mouth.

The next day, two of them were late for class and I closed the door, leaving a note which said they couldn’t come in. These were two girls from the law course. Young lawyers. I should have known better than to leave a handwritten note for a couple of lawyers, telling them they couldn’t do something. Of course they took it really badly. During the break a teacher told me that two of my students were really angry with me. Wow, this was a nightmare. This never happens to me! Usually the opposite if anything! So I went to see them and they were upset, saying that they had had to do something in town and had rushed back to be on time only to find my rude note. They considered my actions to be very inappropriate. They were not happy. I had to try and keep my head up and stay confident and consistent, so I maintained that it was important that they come in on time, although I didn’t mean to offend them with my note. I was just trying to impose some rules and structure. My explanation mildly improved things, but the damage had been done.

In the last session of that day, while waiting for other students to arrive after break, two of the girls told me they thought the course was going badly, and that the classes were no good. At first I was kind of glad that someone was on my side and I wasn’t alone. Then I realised that they held me responsible, rather than the other members of the class. It was my fault that the class was going badly! They probably thought that this was how things normally were with me. They didn’t know me so they knew no different. They didn’t realise that I was not such a bad teacher. This made me really angry. I was so pissed off at this point and couldn’t help saying “this never happens in my courses” before I had to kind of bitterly explain that yes I agreed that the class was not good enough – but I couldn’t explain how it was the fault of others. I mentioned it, saying things like “it doesn’t help that certain members of this class are incapable of attending on time or even taking part properly when they are here”. They didn’t really like my tone. Instead I had to kind of admit that I would do better – as if the class was going wrong because of a lack of effort on my part. I was explaining to my boss, my teacher or my parents that I wasn’t trying hard enough. Now, I do accept that I should have done certain things better, and that some of it was my fault as I will explain in a moment, but I knew that it wasn’t all me. The fact is it was my job to ensure that the class was as effective as possible. So, in a way, the actions of these people meant that I had to carry the whole circus of this class on my shoulders. The group shifted its collective responsibility over to me. I finished the day completely shattered, with a mind numbing headache, with a massive heavy load on my shoulders.

Two of the students complained to my boss, saying they thought the class was bad, and that they would write a letter to their agents explaining how awful they thought the school was. Seriously, this was quite unprecedented. Thankfully, my boss had faith in me, knowing that it wasn’t really my fault but was just one of those courses that goes wrong. He suggested that I do some ‘tutorials’ with my class, to talk to them all 1 to 1 and try and resolve any problems. I agreed, and did that the next day. Of course, the students didn’t see the value of it, and considered it a massive waste of their time. One of them said to my face that she thought I was leading the class badly and the tutorials were a waste of time. The difficult girl I described earlier decided to lock horns with me over everything before forcing me to admit that I had failed to be a strong leader. She completely ran over me with her forceful character. It was like dealing with a bully. I found it ridiculous. Of course, this was the height of rudeness. There would be no need for my strong leadership if she behaved like a grown up. I think it was a trust issue. I expect where she was from, male teachers should be much more dominant, alpha male types. I’m not that kind of guy. I’m not an alpha male. I don’t believe it’s necessary to impose yourself and your ego on everyone in order to be a good teacher. That’s all a bit macho and old-fashioned I think. But, I think that’s what she and maybe the others needed and expected. She probably needed me to be a more old-fashioned strict male teacher, and without that she couldn’t help misbehaving. Ultimately, she was responsible for her behaviour, not me. So I still disagree and believe that she was wrong.

The tutorials were not a complete disaster. I learned that some of the students expected certain types of exercise. They didn’t like role plays and case studies. They were bored with them because of the other courses they had attended. A couple of them admitted that they thought it was the fault of the school for putting two classes together. She didn’t understand why we couldn’t run two smaller groups, which would be more effective. We just didn’t have enough teachers for that, and ultimately the school wasn’t going to pay another teacher to come in and take one half of my class. This lifted the pressure from me and onto the school somewhat, but it didn’t really improve things much. Unfortunately, basic economics is something that regularly has an impact on classes. Schools can’t or don’t want to pay for more teachers. The most profitable way would be to have one teacher per 100 students, but obviously that’s not possible. What happens is something of a balance between quality (with fewer students per teacher) and profits (more students per teacher). One sign of a good school is smaller class sizes. The best schools, like The London School of English where I worked for 6 years, manage to keep their class sizes smaller, give more benefits to teachers, develop specialist courses and make an extra effort to create a special atmosphere inside the building.

Back to the tutorials. I learned that they wanted boring, challenging old-fashioned grammar work. What a surprise for a group of young forward thinking professionals. They just wanted boring gap fills and mind numbing grammar explanations, with work on writing and job interviews.

So, I did exactly that. I removed fun from the lessons. No pair work. No group interaction. Just very controlled language practice followed by quick feedback. It was like an old-school exam course. It was like a punishing series of language exercises, all of which had very clear right and wrong answer. It kind of straightened them out. Ironically, one of them complained that it was too difficult, and this is after she’d complained earlier that it was too easy. I found that putting them through boring and difficult work made them bond together more. During breaks they would be relieved and would chat to each other more, as they were all going through the same difficult experience. I’d come back into class after break and I’d find them hanging out and socialising, but when I’d enter the room they’d all shut up and go back to their desks, like ‘the fun is over, he’s back’. My heart sank a little every time this happened, as it always does when you feel like the students just don’t like you for some reason.

The difficult girl continued to be difficult, but I’d already accepted that she was not going to change, and realised she was just a spoiled daughter of a rich businessman and that no-one had ever said “no” to her in her life. She seemed an incredibly sheltered and naive person, who couldn’t really operate in the real world. Then I remembered that she would probably always be rich and successful, as no doubt her father would have some important contacts to help her get a great job in the future. That made me kind of angry too. She had privilege, but no respect for others. I lost respect for her, and felt like I should teach her a lesson in humility. I didn’t really know how to do this, so I generally didn’t give her any rope. I mean, I wasn’t patient with her, didn’t give her much response or attention. After that, she didn’t bother me so much any more. Once she made a rude comment, and I couldn’t help but laugh. This was a great moment because I wasn’t hurt by her comment, I just found it ridiculous. I felt that the others sensed this, and had become tired of her bullshit too. It was like her value or influence in the class had dropped. After that, she stopped attending. She didn’t attend the last day, but came in at the end to leave a note on my desk. The note said “Thank you for being my English teacher. I’m really glad I met you.”

Now that was surprising because she spent 2 weeks acting like she hated me, caused all kinds of difficulty, didn’t attend a lot of classes, and then leaves me that note. I’m still scratching my head trying to work out what was going on.

In the end, I managed to get a grip on the course, but the first week was a write off. It was horrible. Every day I stayed at school late trying to prepare for the next day. Then I would go home with a strong headache, not wanting to eat any dinner. A couple of times I had to walk home to clear my head. It was a dread filled week and I often remember it, and try to avoid similar experiences.

So what were the causes?
Certainly I was just unlucky with the students. Just a mix of bad personalities perhaps? I’m sure they didn’t think so. In fact, I expect everyone involved believed they were not to blame, but were the innocent victim of the situation.
Ultimately, I don’t think anyone really wanted to be in the room together. I ended up being the victim of that because I was the guy telling them they had to be in the class together. I just became their scapegoat.
Time of year was a factor. It was dark and cold. England must have seemed rubbish to them in those conditions. There is a feeling in the middle of winter in England, when you haven’t seen the sun for a couple of months, and you feel tired and depressed. It’s called seasonal affective disorder. Sometimes it hits the students for six, because they’ re not expecting it.
Everyone was just waiting to go home for the Christmas holidays so they weren’t motivated.
The class were all women – this can be difficult. For some reason women like to have some men in the class to give some balance. Either that or just women with a woman teacher, then they can relax as a group of women. Otherwise it becomes really weird. I can’t explain that, but as I’ve said before, if the women aren’t happy then no-one is happy.

Putting together two groups to make one doesn’t always work, and it can make the school look a bit cheap, like it’s saving money on rooms and teachers. Also, the two groups had already bonded, and didn’t really expect to be thrown into one group together.
I expected the course to be easier because of the previous course. This meant that I had a false sense of security. I probably didn’t try hard enough on day 1 or make it difficult enough for the students. I expected things to just work, but I hadn’t thought about it or planned carefully enough. I probably wasn’t as well prepared, or tightly organised as I had been on the previous course.
I didn’t dress very smartly. Looking back on it now, I wore jeans and a pair of slightly scruffy brown shoes. The girls were very chic and well presented. Compared to them, I looked like the student. I should have worn a suit on day 1.
Maybe there was some sexual tension there? I can’t tell really, but sometimes bad behaviour is a kind of flirtation and girls sometimes are very rude to a guy as a kind of come-on. That might explain the letter that was left for me. I don’t know.
Culture shock. I’ve explained before how culture shock can manifest itself in the sense that the culture you’re in is ridiculous or wrong. I wouldn’t be surprised if these students were kind of unimpressed by London in the winter time, and couldn’t help feeling some contempt for us. I was just another annoying English person. Certainly at times I had to listen to them going through the usual complaints about the UK. The food is bad, the weather is bad, it’s noisy in London, my accommodation is cold, I don’t know why you have two taps in the bathroom, why do you do everything differently here, why do you have to drive on the left, English women are ugly (this was perhaps the most offensive) and English people are stupid because they go jogging on the pavement in the city, etc etc. That kind of thing. Maybe they were expressing culture shock.

Perhaps there was some culture shock between them too. There was quite a mix of nationalities.

Them coming late prevented me from starting classes properly. Instead I must have looked unprepared and vague.

It’s funny to me how I could go from one week of being the greatest teacher in the world, to hitting rock bottom in just a matter of days, with students saying it was one of the worst courses they’d experienced. I mean, how does that happen?

Now, I’ve just shared ONE bad course I taught, but in my defence I must say that I have an otherwise very good track record in my classes, with students regularly being very happy with me, often giving me top marks in feedback. So, this course must have been a one-off. I try to think that it was just a combination of bad elements that somehow came together at the same time, causing a bad outcome in my class. I may have been responsible for certain things, like not being strict and dynamic enough at the beginning, or showing strong leadership, but some of the students too were definitely responsible for taking part in a very poor manner.

Ultimately, I was just very glad to have finished the class. It was like going through a painful series of challenges. Each day gave me a new headache. My colleagues were worried about me. I couldn’t enjoy myself all week because of worrying what to do with these students. At the end, the students did thank me. One of them in particular came up to me in the pub that Friday night, and privately said thank you very much for you effort during the week. I think ultimately they saw that it wasn’t all my fault, and that I was working very hard. I still have the note that the difficult girl gave to me. Sometimes I see it and it reminds me of the difficult week.

What did I learn?
Never get too happy or pleased with yourself. If you think you’re doing a great job, there is probably something you’re forgetting about, that you’re doing wrong.
Pride comes before a fall.
When things go badly, don’t feel too bad because it’s not all your fault.
Equally, when things go well don’t be too proud of yourself because it’s not always because of you.
Be well presented. Make a good first impression. Impose rules on younger learners early. Treat younger learners more like adults, or they will act like children.
Remember that time is money.
Make lessons challenging at all times.

It’s hard to say what else I learned from this other than the ability to be a bit tougher. It just toughened me up a little more. I just approached lessons in the future with more experience behind me, and students could just sense that I was more experience and then felt safer in my class. Now I’m less nervous before lessons. I feel like I’ve experienced enough difficult moments not to be too shocked. Also, doing stand-up comedy helps with confidence, but really it’s been teaching that has prepared me the most.

Despite these stories, I have definitely had more good experiences than bad. Some of my classes have genuinely been amazing and I’ve met so many interesting and lovely people. If you are one of those lovely people I have met then “hello”. To everyone I have ever met through this job I would like to say “hello” and thank your for contributing to my learning process as a teacher.

To all my fellow teachers out there – I know how you feel! Keep your chin up.
To all the learners of English – keep your chins up too! I know how you feel as well now because of my experiences of learning French.

I hope you have enjoyed listening to this episode.

Remember you can read a full transcript of this on teacherluke.podomatic.com or teacherluke.wordpress.com where you can also find links to iTunes, Facebook and YouTube and you can also make those very special and important donations – as little as one pound if you like, or more, it’s up to you.

Also, you may have noticed some idioms in this episode. I’ve made a list of the idioms I used, and I will be explaining them in the next episode. Also, I use loads of other nice pieces of vocabulary, common expressions, descriptive words and collocations throughout this episode. I suggest that you listen a couple of times, or listen again while reading the transcript and pick out any expressions that you like and that you could use yourselves.

Don’t forget to leave your comments on this episode either here at wordpress.com or at http://teacherluke.podomatic.com.

Thanks again for listening, good luck with your English and take care. BYE BYE BYE!

Luke

140. Ghost Stories – True Tales of Really Creepy Experiences

28 Replies

Keep cool in the hot summer weather with some chilling stories. *Transcript available below*

Right-click here to download this episode.

This is a long episode so I recommend you download it and listen to it in sections. If you use your iPhone or an mp3 player it should remember the point that you stopped listening, and it will carry on from that point. Or, you can sit down with a cup of tea and listen to it all in one go!

This episode is all about ghosts, strange things, the unexplained, demons and things that go bump in the night. I’m talking about the paranormal, ghosts, phantasms, specters, spirits, poltergeists, unexplained phenomena, and all that kind of weird stuff that you don’t want to hear about when you’re alone in the house at night. I hope you’re not alone right now, because this could be the creepiest episode of Luke’s English Podcast so far. To help you feel okay I suggest you get a teddy bear to hold onto or a pillow to hide behind, close the doors, close the curtains, do not look in the mirror, and keep the light on. You could burn a candle if that makes you feel better, as traditionally it is said that a flame can protect you from evil spirits. Ideally, listen with other people around. People say that undead spirits and demons can be attracted by accounts of paranormal activity. If someone talks about ghosts, it brings the world of ghosts closer to you, and in some cases can attract spirits into your world. So if you notice anything strange going on around you while listening to this, I suggest that you stop listening, turn on the lights, get a drink from the fridge in the kitchen and just put scary thoughts out of your mind. I don’t believe in it myself, but who knows what is really out there in the darkness. I’ll give you some more tips on that later. Basically, in this episode I’m going to tell you some scary and weird stories, which I thought of or which are completely real and really happened to me.

Do you believe in ghosts? Is it really possible that our world could be visited by spirits or other beings that we don’t normally see? The answer you’re thinking of may be “no”. But have you ever experienced something really strange, which you can’t explain and which, when you think about it without ignoring it, it makes you really frightened? To tell you the truth, I have had some strange experiences that I can’t explain and that I don’t like to think about very often.

Personally, I consider myself to be a rational person. I don’t really believe in ghosts. But I believe there are things in the world that we don’t understand yet. I don’t think we should always conclude that unexplained things are the result of supernatural or paranormal causes, but at the same time I know that there are plenty of things about the world that we really don’t understand and can’t even see. Even in science there are many mysteries. Massive puzzles that scientists are trying to work out. Quantam physics, our basic understanding of space and time, the origins or destiny of the universe, parallel worlds, other dimensions, the possibility of ghosts living around us or inhabiting certain spaces in our homes or outside our windows. These are all areas of mystery to us. 500 years ago people were relatively clueless. People thought the world was flat, that headaches were caused by evil spirits and that tobacco was good for you. All completely wrong. Like, totally wrong. These are quite big things to get wrong. Imagine if we are similarly wrong about what we know now. Maybe we’ve only just scratched the surface of knowledge about the world. There could be so much more that we don’t realize. Answers to the questions of what happens to us after we die, is there such a thing as the soul and does it live on separately from us, are there other invisible worlds full of demons or spirits living all around us, that we can’t see. Is it possible for us to disturb these spirits or upset them by doing wrong things without realizing it? As I said, I don’t believe in ghosts or the paranormal because I require evidence for these things. But still, there are things that I just can’t explain. And to be honest, that is frightening sometimes. There are things I’ve experienced that have freaked me out, and continue to bother my memory today. Sometimes these memories make me scared. Maybe it will be creepy but I’m going to share those things with you in this podcast episode.

I’m going to tell you some stories but some real ones, not made up ones. The stories I’m going to tell you are all ones that I’ve experienced personally. They’re not fictional bedtime stories or anything. They’re not fun stories for kids. They’re real accounts of some weird and scary stuff that has happened to me at various times. I don’t often talk about these things with my friends or family these days. They say it makes them feel uncomfortable. A lot of people don’t really like their world to be challenged by strange unexplained things. They’d rather not think a lot about things they don’t really understand, or things which are disturbing. But sometimes I can’t sleep and I think of weird things I’ve experienced and they make me quite scared, but they’re fascinating to me too so I thought I would share these experiences with you. Maybe you can explain them, or maybe you’ve experienced similar things. Some people might say that I shouldn’t talk about these things publicly or share them, because it could scare people, or even attract spirits into the homes of people who are listening to this. I’m not sure about that but I’d like to suggest that you listen carefully to this episode. If you are easily scared then just think twice about listening to this. It might disturb you. Don’t listen just before you go to bed. Turn on the lights if you’re in a dark room, so you can see everything. Close cupboard doors or doors to dark rooms so that you don’t get scared when you imagine that something or someone is waiting in there while you listen to this. If you’re not too scared, try to have a look under the bed or behind the sofa, because sometimes you can be very disturbed by the thought that there is something or someone there, watching you and waiting. Try not to imagine dark shapes or the idea that there is a person with you, because your mind will play tricks on you.

If it is night time and there are windows in your room, just quickly close the curtains and make sure the windows are sealed so you don’t worry about things that our outside getting inside, and so you don’t worry about seeing a face appear in the window, even for a moment. Closing windows or closing curtains will make you feel more comfortable because you won’t be able to see whatever is out there, and if there’s something out there, it won’t be able to see you either. Just be careful, when you close the window, do it quickly and don’t look out of the window into the darkness.

Quickly check empty rooms in your house if you aren’t too scared. It can really freak you out when you get the feeling that you’re not alone in your own home, and that there’s something or someone in another room, and maybe they’ve been there for some time without you knowing. So, if you can, have a quick look around the house. Go upstairs or downstairs and visit empty rooms, just to make your mind feel more comfortable and so you don’t get too scared while you’re listening to my voice. And if you need to go to the toilet or the kitchen you’ll be frozen because you don’t want to go alone so try to remember there’s someone there in the house with you, even if you are alone, there’s someone nearby and you can hear my voice and you’ll be okay. You could stop listening and wait until the day time if you like, but I suggest that you listen to all of this, just so that you can get to the end of it, hear the music at the end of the episode and although it might be frightening to be in silence, you know that you completed the episode and that’s the end of the scary stories and everything will be back to normal again.
One other thing – don’t look in the mirror while you listen to this. In fact, avoid reflections of any kind – seeing your reflection in a window, the glass of your mobile or computer monitor. Mirrors or reflections are said to be like portals to the spirit world. I’m not sure I believe it but it’s better to be on the safe side, certainly when discussing ghosts or demons. Who knows what elements of old folklore are based on knowledge that we have lost? Maybe folklore is all true to an extent. The subject of spirits and the supernatural was very popular in England during the 19th century and lots of strange events were documented during that period. Many well respected people such as Arthur Conan Doyle, the author of the Sherlock Holmes stories were very interested in this subject, and wrote about their experiences. Apparently, people used to gather together in séances (meetings often took place in dark rooms in houses that were said to be haunted or regularly visited by apparitions or other phantoms) in order to contact the dead, or communicate with the spirit world. They used various devices to contact the other side, including oiji boards but also mirrors. What these practitioners would do was to read pages of old texts designed to attract ghosts from the other side, and then at certain moments they would all stare without blinking into a mirror in order to see the spirits appearing. Apparently, the mirror was one of the most common ways that spirits reveal themselves to the living. They might appear just as a shape or shadow, sometimes overlaid on top of someone else’s face (very weird) or they would appear clearly as someone else in the room, usually standing behind the people). There are also lots of urban myths about standing in front of the mirror and saying special words, which bring a demon into the room with you, with your reflection. The story goes that once the demon has arrived in your mirror, he will always be there in any reflection of you, until you find a way to remove him. The only way to remove him is to tell someone else about it, persuading them to say the words while looking in a mirror. The demon is then transferred into their reflection, leaving you free again. Finally, the only solution is for a blind person to say the words in front of the mirror. They take the demon, but can’t see it and so it has no power over him.

I said before that traditionally people believed that spirits can be attracted by talking about them, and that describing or thinking about the other side can make the gap between our world and the world of spirits thinner, allowing them to visit us more freely. That’s why people tend to whisper or speak quietly when talking of these things. You shouldn’t go around shouting the names of demons or spirits, especially at night, and you should not look in the mirror while listening to this, or soon after listening to this. It’s not advisable and I would warn you not to do it. I mean, I don’t necessarily believe it myself and I don’t know what you believe, but sometimes it’s worth paying attention to traditional wisdom even if science disagrees with it. Sometimes science can be proved wrong, as I said before. So, avoid mirrors during this episode.
I hope you’re not getting freaked out or scared by all this talk of scary monsters visiting you. If you are superstitious, then you do what you’ve got to do. Say a short prayer if that helps, or try repeating some words to yourself in order to make yourself feel okay. Apparently, a common thing that people can say to protect themselves from evil spirits is this, and you can try repeating it quietly to yourself if it makes you feel any better.
“I am alone – I know they are not here”
“I am alone – I know they will not come”
“I am alone – I know they have not found me”
Say it three times. Just make sure you get the word ‘not’ in the correct position. Don’t say “I am not alone – I know that they are here” or “I know they will come” or “I know they have found me” – don’t say that three times while looking into a mirror, at any time. OK? Do not do that. I hope that’s clear.
If you’re with someone else, good. I recommend that you just squeeze the person’s hand or just touch them on the shoulder, just as a way to say “you’re here too”! If they react badly to that, like, if they tell you “get off!” or “what you doing?” Just explain calmly that you’re just making physical contact with another person in order to create a protective boundary between you and the spirit world in order to prevent any weird or scary things from happening. I’m sure your friend or loved one will understand. If you are on public transport, you could try touching the person sitting next to you but I am not responsible for the consequences. All I’ll say is that sometimes people on busses and trains can be much more dangerous than ghosts…

Finally, if you do get scared while listening to this or you notice anything strange going on around you, leave a comment explaining what has happened. It could be fascinating to read about it. Also, if you have any other strange things you’ve experienced, and how you explain them, let us know by leaving a comment.

OK let’s get started. I’m going to tell you about some strange things that have happened to me over the years. Let me know what you think? How would you explain some of this stuff?

The Japanese running tap

I spent 3 weeks during the summer, alone in my apartment while waiting for another flatmate to come. During that time some pretty weird things happened in the flat, and I don’t mean earthquakes although I did experience some of them. Not earthquakes, but something that I can’t explain.
The kitchen tap kept turning on by itself. I would go to bed in the tatami room. In the middle of the night I would wake up to noise coming from the kitchen. I went into the kitchen to find the kitchen tap running cold water. Freezing cold – much colder than usual. I’d have to turn it off by turning the tap around in my hand, before going back to bed. This happened 3 times. The third time was the worst because I distinctly remember making sure the tap was turned off before bed. I remember getting myself a glass of water, and then turning off the tap. When I woke up to hear the sound of the tap running, I DID NOT want to get up, but I had to investigate and I had to stop the tap. Perhaps the worst part was walking past an empty room which had large windows at the other side. I couldn’t bear to look into the room because I had a horrible feeling about it. It felt like there was something in the apartment with me. Turning off the tap, it was very cold again. I didn’t want to turn round to go back to my room and I must admit I was very frightened and I left the light on in the kitchen. I’m not normally scared by stuff, but sometimes I can’t stop thinking about that tap. How on earth is that possible? Can a tap turn itself on? Water pressure? Water which is left in the pipe coming out? Perhaps I did it in my sleep – maybe I walked to the sink and turned on the tap, which is pretty scary – why would I get up in the night, do something and then not remember doing it? I told all my students in Japan about it, and a lot of them were not really surprised by it. A lot of people in Japan are quite superstitious. Apparently there are many different types of ghost in Japanese folklore, and belief in ghosts and ghost stories is quite common in Japan. One particular old woman I used to teach on Fridays, was very knowledgeable and told me a lot about it, saying how ghosts or Yuurei are quite common, and even accepted by most people are being real. Apparently, these yuurei are spirits of people who have been prevented from having a peaceful afterlife because of the way they died or the trauma they experienced during their life, which is basically the same explanation given for ghosts in the UK too. It’s weird that ghosts feature in folklore from so many cultures around the world, and they all seem to be explained by this idea of a spirit that can’t rest. Anyway, this woman suggested that my tap thing was caused by, and I’ll never forget the name, a Zashiki-warashi or the ghost of a child. Apparently Zashiki-warashi are often mischievous, meaning they do naughty little things, rather than seriously scary or dangerous things. She said they commonly arrive and do things during the Japanese ‘witching hour’ between 2 and 3 o’clock in the morning, which is when the gap between our world and the spirit world are closest. She said that strange things that happen at night in Japan are sometimes attributed to zashiki-warashi. This didn’t make me feel better though, because the idea that I had some little Japanese child ghost in my apartment between 2 and 3 o’clock at night was not fun. The tap thing stopped after I got a new flatmate called Peter in August. For a couple of weeks though, I had a slightly disturbing time alone in the apartment, trying not to think of the tap. It hasn’t happened to me since, so maybe it was just then. If it does happen again, I will freak out I know it. Ive never told me girlfriend about it, because it would worry her. Any ideas what that was? If you’re from Japan, have you heard of zashiki-warashi, or other types of ghost? Do you think the woman was making it up or not?

*This is where the transcript ends. You can read some notes for the other stories below*

The bouncing ball

Freaky and still disturbs me to this day, even though I didn’t really want to believe it at the time.

Frozen in bed and the weird clock

Very scary at the time, but there is a rational explanation.
Here is a link to the TedEd video about sleep paralysis:

The Lapworth Walk

Nothing particularly weird or supernatural happened directly to me, but it was a time when I was really genuinely scared.

I’m originally from London. I was a city kid until I was 9. Then my parents moved to the countryside. Moved away from all my friends to a new place. I didn’t know the area. The countryside is different. Spooky. Owls at night etc.

Teenager – went out in Birmingham. Had fun with friends. Time to go home. Train on my own. Avoided fights in Birmingham. Everyone left the train. I had 20mins more journey. Then I had to walk through country lanes to where my parents lived. Often it would be able 1AM.
Walking through darkness in the countryside is very scary. I can remember the walk very clearly because I did it so many times.

Town, houses etc.

Turn right at the end, the streetlights stop. You have to walk into the darkness, leaving the houses and lights behind. It doesn’t feel natural.
Hump backed bridge over the canal. Something under the bridge? In fact, there could be something on the other side of the bridge. Don’t let your mind wander. All my friends are at home, in bed. I’m walking in the dark, miles from home, scared.

Baddesley Clinton House

Here is some text from the National Trust website about the haunted old house I had to walk past on the Lapworth Walk

“A lovely old manor house I have visited several times is Baddesley Clinton in Knowle, Solihull. This building dates right back to the early Middle Ages, and it is thought to be haunted by one of its former owners, a man called Nicholas Brome.

The Brome family lived here during the Wars of the Roses and, unfortunately for them, in 1461 they found themselves on the losing side. This led to a serious falling out with the Earl of Warwick, culminating in the murder of the family’s patriarch, John Brome. Shortly afterwards, John’s son, Nicholas took a bloody revenge and stabbed to death the Earl of Warwick’s Steward. Nicholas Brome had an appetite for violence and people crossed him at their peril.
One night he returned home to find his wife in a compromising position with no less a person than the local parish priest. The priest, it seems, was tickling his mistress, “under ye chinne”. This was more than enough to send Nicholas into a terrible rage.

He drew his dagger and slew the amorous priest on the spot. Killing a man of God was a serious offence and could have cost Nicholas his own life, however he had the good fortune to be pardoned by both the King and the Pope. His penance was to build nearby St. Michaels church, where he was eventually buried standing up (another penance for his many sins).
It could be that Nicholas Brome, his soul never properly laid to rest, still wanders the dark rooms and hallways of Baddesley Clinton. (A dark red stain on the wooden floor of the library is said to be the priest’s blood, but I must say I am not entirely convinced!).

In the Tudor period the house was taken over by the Ferrers family who bravely gave sanctuary to catholic priests during the reign of Elizabeth I. The tiny “priest holes”, where they would hide from Elizabeth’s soldiers, can still be seen.

This must have been a particularly frightening time because the punishment for observing the “old religion” was terrible indeed. Priests could be burnt at the stake, while their protectors ran the risk of being “hanged, drawn, and quartered”.

Traumatic experiences do seem to trigger paranormal activity. Members of the Ferrers family and many visitors to Baddesley have reported hearing raised voices and hurried footsteps coming from empty rooms. Could this be the chilling echoes of long dead catholics trying to evade their protestant hunters?”

Let me know of your scary stories. Leave a comment below.

126. Your Emails, Comments and Questions

5 Replies

Luke responds to your messages with questions about English, and more.

Right-click here to download this episode.
Thank you very much for your emails and comments over the last few months! I am going to reply to some of them here.

I get loads of emails in my inboxes and unfortunately there’s no way I can respond to them all. I’d end up spending all my time at my computer and that’s neither possible nor healthy. Nevertheless, please continue to send me messages. I really love hearing from you. I find it motivating and encouraging. Also, your messages tell me a lot about the people I am talking to on the podcast.

There are lots of ways to get in touch with me: FB, twitter, comments on Pod, comments on Blog, emails, youtube comments, youtube emails, LinkedIn, AudioBoo etc. I appreciate your messages, but I can’t always respond. I like it best when people leave comments on this website, either under episodes of in the forum (click the Discussion Forums link in the menu above).

Below you can read some comments, messages and questions I have received in the last few months. In the podcast you can listen to me responding to these comments. This is just a selection of some of the messages I’ve had. Not every comment is included here. Some I have already replied to or dealt with before.

THE BACKGROUND MUSIC is all produced/made by my brother. You can check out his youtube channel here to listen to more tunes.

COMMENTS, MESSAGES AND QUESTIONS (I reply to these during the episode)

I just listened to your first podcast and I was wondering, do I have to do the ‘interactive’ things (like asking questions, etc.,) now? I mean, the first one is not new so I don’t know if I’m supposed to do it or not.

Rei

Somebody left a comment on your episode:I love when you bring more people to the podcast because that’s when it really becomes natural English. In my opinion you use rather simple expressions when you speak on your own, probably because as you are a teacher and you are used to using words that your students understand. But do no misunderstand me, I love your podcast. I always listen to them on my way to uni. Sometimes I have to turn up the volume of my mp3 to a harmful limits, because I cannot hear with all the noise of the bus.Is there any possibility that the podcasts were louder? (I’m sorry if I sounded too fussy). Thanks for your podcasts and keep doing a great job!

Somebody left a comment on your episode:I like your accent and voice, Luck

Somebody left a comment on your episode:Teacher Luke! I’m sure you will make great podcasts in Paris. I’m sad I couldn’t have time to answer your questions… I’m so sorry. I wish I could have contributed to your next podcasts. Could you talk about british bands, please ? : ) Just yesterday I listened to my competition entry again and I noticed that nowadays I sound much better than that. That’s because I always take your pieces of advice ( not adviceS ) for learning and try to copy your pronunciation because you speak clearly without patronizing your listeners. I’ve been listening to your podcasts for about 8 months now and I can say that my english it’s not the same anymore. It’s visible that you enjoy what you do because when people love what the y do, they do it much better. Thank you so much !!

hello,luke!how are u doing?i am ABDENOUR from Algeria and I am a regular listener of your podcasts.in fact I do listen to them almost everyday.yet,it’s been a long time since u haven’t recorded a podcast;we do miss your qualitative and educative podcasts really!luke,can I ask you afavour? i would really like it if u record some podcasts on british culture.that would be a mind-boggling thing really…

Somebody left a comment on your episode:I love Sherlock Holmes stories!!!!!!

October – XxxYyy wrote:

Have you ever said something more about collocations? I just realized how important they’re to sound naturally.

ps. Have you mentioned Radiohead in the latest episode? Was in used just as an example or not? If not, high five! Their music has grown on me recently. So much I’m die hard fan now.

Thanks for sharing your awesomeness with all of us.

Don’t let wild city cats to eat you.

Somebody left a comment on your episode: (Vocabulary Review 1-11)Good idea to brush up on old stuff. I’m really into this kind of episode. Thanks Luke and Kate!

Somebody left a comment on your episode:why don’t u have the full transcription of this podcast??? I need it :(

Somebody left a comment on your episode:write the full transcription,,please!

Somebody left a comment on your episode:Do you know how long it takes to write full, accurate transcripts of these unscripted episodes? It takes ages!! Hours and hours. I simply can’t transcribe every word, even though I would live to. You can find a transcript of the story by clicking the link. Have you done that? If I have time I will work on a transcript but only if I have some available time . Remember this is a free service. I can’t work on it like it is a full-time job! Luke

Somebody left a comment on your episode:Luke, Unfortunately I can’t copy the transcript straight from the page,(page does not allow to copy from it), May I get this vocabulary comments transcripted from somewhere else?

Somebody left a comment on your episode:

Wow! Sorry Luke for asking you to do something unnecessary, you are not only a great Master in English,but also an awesome computer teacher.

COMPUTER TEACHER! :=[]

NoHealer JustPain left a comment on your episode:Luke, as I proceed to listen a strange thought occurs to me, you could simply dub cartoons for children, and for adult as well. P.S. Excuse me for my excessive activity.

Carlos Vega (cool name)

Hi Luke!! what’s up?

Please, can I ask you a question? I need your help about an english issue…

Take a look please:

1) I’ve got several fruits in the kitchen, such as apples, oranges, bananas,…

2) I’ve got several fruits in the kitchen, for example apples, oranges, bananas,…

3) I’ve got several fruits in the kitchen, for instance apples, oranges, bananas,…

My question is: are all them correct sentences?? If so…which one would you use?? (I mean, as a native speaker, which one is the most common??)

Thanks in advance, I’m really following your podcasts as I told you on my last email, good job man.

Cheers from Barcelona…Spain :p

lloydo commented on Messing Around with Accents and Voices

I love talking about accents with my students. As a Canadian I like to point out how my English is different from Standard American – which from the point of view of a Brit probably isn’t that big. It’s also pretty interesting to talk about what you can learn about a person from their accent; there is actually quite a lot! It’s also great to get them thinking about accents in their own language too.

Hi, I’m Chiara from Italy and I NEED to improve my english because my boyfriend leave Italy to stay in Ireland. So I think this is a nice way to try to reduce the “distance” :) thank you!

Somebody left a comment on your episode:Some more minutes talking about Bob Dylan music and so on would have been great. Not so bad the idea of English Anxiety Podcast :-) Thanks both for the episode.

Somebody left a comment on your episode:

Hey Luke, this has been really an interesting and different kind of podcast. When you said that there is probably someone out with that profile I thought it could be me becouse a few weeks ago I had a dream in wich you appeared. I dont know why I was in your flat and I dont know why I had the flat´s key either. I just remember that you were there with your girlfriend and we had a normal conversation ( but it was kinda strange becouse we talked to each other as we have met before when it wasnt really like that ). I think I had that dream becouse sometimes I listen to your podcast before I go to bed. But definitely Im not the person from your profile lol. Take care Luke.

Hi teacher Luke, My name’s Diego Lucas and I really want to thank you for all your videos on youtube, they are all very usefull to me.

Teacher, I really want to understand why sometimes I can understand every single word that you speak and it’s so hard to understand people that speak to you on your videos.

Greeting from Brazil, Sao Paulo.

Hello Luke,

I’m Thomas, Frenchman currently settled in China, I’m from Lille, maybe you heard of it since it’s not far from England. I’m moving to the English-speaking part of Canada next year and try to improve my English by listening Pod casts , series, reading novels or using any material I can find through the internet. I stumbled upon yours today and really appreciate it, I’ll recommend it to all my English learning Chinese friends, keep up the good work, please. I can fairly well understand English but never have the chance to speak it. During my first weeks in Canada, I’m going to stay in a farm where I’ll work as a volunteer, I want to make a good first impression and I fear not to be able to socially interact properly. How to use words in English to sound polite, how to make jokes, what is culturally acceptable to joke about without sounding like a jerk. There are that kind of nuances in my own language and I’m sure it’s the same in English. Do you what I mean ?

Hi Luke,

I am a teacher of English in Russia and I’d like to thank u for the podcasts I can use at my lessons.

I wonder how u find time for such lots of work. Are u married?

Best regards,

Igor

Hi Dear Luke.

First of all I would like to say thank you. I started listening to your podcast.

I’ve found very useful your podcast for me.

I have some question for you:

– Where is your school located. Is your school as language schools – St Giles International or Malvern House?

– Do you have a private English lesson via Skype? If you have, how much does it cost per hour?

www.londonenglishclasses.com – This is my friend Martin Aaron’s website. He offers Skype lessons. Check him out if you’re interested.

Somebody left a comment on your episode:i’m going to use your podcast to do some grammar dictation and challenge my FCE students a bit. Great work! Thank you.

Somebody left a comment on your episode:Hi

Somebody left a comment on your episode:Enter your comment

Hi Luke,

I’m Nina from Germany. I started listening to your podcast because I wanted to improve my (spoken) english. English is one of my – I don’t know how you call it, but I’d say “main subject” in school, I have it 4 times a week.(and I’m going to take my A-Levels in it and maths)

Besides I just really like London and the UK and I’d love to have an british accent ;)

Well, I wondred if you could do something about Harry Potter?

I’m a huge fan and I think it’s just so british.

A podcast about Harry Potter or about what you brits think about it would be great.

Thank you and keep on with your good work,

Nina

Somebody left a comment on your episode:I’m laughing… You’ve made me happy, Luke. You’ve achieved your aim all right!

It’s me again

Sorry, I forgot something:

A podcast about style or british designers (I love Burberry) would be nice too.

And I think it would be really interesting to hear which prejudices there are about Germans, Frenchmen,…. in the UK or what people imagine a “typical” German etc. to be/act/ look like.

Now that’ all. I won’t annoy again ;),

Nina

Dmitry

I think past perfect sentences are easier to understand than present perfect. :)

I got on a train today in the morning and I saw a girl which was sitting alone. I realised that I had never met such a beautiful girl in my whole life. I came closer and said to her – HELLO! :)

Somebody left a comment on your episode:hi Luke, great job! Only a question: why i can understand your speaking and i cannot understand other people speaking (for example people in London interwievs)??

Thomas left a comment on your episode:you’re not going to tell us exactly how you open your trousers…? What a pity! :)

Somebody left a comment on your episode:Fortunately, I came this site not because I placed my coffee on my laptop….it’s intentional.. I really want to listen to. …and I’m not in the gym, too..I think I’m probably relaxing?hmm..

About the sick in Japan episode

Somebody left a comment on your episode:Wow, thank God you’re alive teacher Luke! I wouldn’t be able to hear such a bizarre but wonderful story of yours if…. Anyway, when my grandfather had a liver disease, He never recovered until he died a few years from now. I don’t know how the disease was called but it seemed that his liver shrunk. The doctor said there was a lot of holes in it and he kept on releasing blood. And so, my grandmother who was as drunkard as my grandpa was, decided to stop drinking even though she can’t help it sometimes….. I’ve been to taiwan (shortly, just 5 days) and the only problem I had there was that I got dandruff in my head.. gladly, my scalp returned to normal when I got home. Maybe it was just because of the shampoo…I don’t know. Just as I live in a hot country ( I mean, the weather is hot), the Philippines, we just normally put lotion on exposed skin with higher spf.. and use umbrella most of the time.. I had a great time listening to the podcast! Not only was it entertaining but there are also some note-worthy things like those related in medicine… Thank you teacher Luke! ( btw, i said that in british accent!) ;)

Somebody left a comment on your episode:

Thanks Luke for sharing such an interesting experience, at times your report sounds kind of a fight for survival! For some reason it’s more amusing to tell not so nice travel experiences rather than the good ones :-) I spent a month volunteering in a Gloucestershire farm two years ago, leaving Italy with a few stitches on my shoulder. A nurse in the farm removed them but she wasn’t so confident and eventually said: “You’d better go to a clinic”. I feared an infection since I felt pain, anyway it was nothing serious. Something similar may happen when you travel off the beaten track, but it’s definitely worth it! By the way, antibiotics are useless and even harmful for mononucleosis, that’s why you had a rash.

evgenia derevnina left a comment on your episode:

It’s 4 a.m here in Irkutsk. Outside around 15 degrees below zero. I can’t sleep (too much energy probably) So instead of wasting time rolling over in bed, decided to listen to another Luke’s podcast. Thank you again Luke that we have you.

evgenia derevnina left a comment on your episode:

This is a great real life episode! Luke must be a very brave person to have got through all this experience. It’s just impossible to stay calm while listening to it. Man! It was hard! Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us. Be healthy and happy in all your lives! I remember once staying in India in may, in a valley of Kangra District. It was about +40C or more, very hot and humid, I noticed you can’t even think properly in such heat. some friends slept on the roofs at night, but it didn’t help anyway. There was no air-conditioning, just fans in the rooms. Don’t know why I just kept on drinking hot tea with milk,it felt good drinking hot tea while the air was hot too.

Cheers.

Hi Luke,

I’ve just started to listen your podcast and I’m very grateful to you for the work you’ve done. About the podcast n 2, I’ve found really difficult to understand the meaning of some sentences said by you and your father during your interview; especially when you use expressions like these: Mind you you do see (why here Rick uses do + verbs)

Luke! One of my friend who is an english speaker said, “i am going back to ‘me’ home.”

Is that wrong? because he is native speaker so…

Thx!

Billy

Somebody left a comment on your episode:Please, how can I download the podcast. I liked it so much.

LENA

Somebody left a comment on your episode:A very shrewd analytical piece, funnily presented,capturing and rib-tickling in some places.The key words – champagne, a smell of perfume and urine,water in gutters, fresh bread aroma,car sirens, morning sunlight,stone colors – all these refer to senses rather than to mind and give a very insightful and penetrating picture. It was a pleasure.

Somebody left a comment on your episode:Enter your comment

Somebody left a comment on your episode:i m from pakistan keep it up luke..

Hi Luke,

What’s meaning of “half 12”?

I know American got anyother way to say it, but what is it?

thanks!!

Billy

Zahid

Hi Luke

sorry to disturb you. i just to want to ask u a question.Which is the correct sentence.?

who do you live with?

whom do you live with?

I am a bit confused about the use of who and whom.

Thanks

luke,

In what situation will you use ‘he don’t’ instead of ‘he doesn’t’?

Thanks a lot!

Billy

Somebody left a comment on your episode:help me speak english please Luke

Somebody left a comment on your episode:

Brillant!!!! Very nice episode, I enjoyed every second!!! Thanks!!

Somebody left a comment on your episode:Faux pas= literally means “misstep”. Faux means something wrong, a mistake,”pas” means step…

Super Luke!! How’re you?

Still podcasting?? I’m still on my way to improve my english, so listening to your podcasts in between of doing CAE exams! Also reading some grammar…actually I wanted to ask you if you could help me with some short issues, please? I’d be very pleased if you do that Luke since I’m not attending any lessons in my city, I’m just studying on my own! (I think at certain level is much better and fast to study in that way…anyway I’ll go to some lessons maybe 1 or 2 month before the CAE exam)

1) Well…first af all I’ve read a sentence like this:

NEITHER MARGARET NOR JOHN WAS THERE

Question: Why ‘was’ and not ‘were’? Margaret and John…two people…so should be ‘were’ no? (no because it’s ‘neither – nor’)

2) Which one would be the correct preposition after the verb TO BE FED UP??

3) in the morning, in the afternoon, in the evening, at night, at midday……ARE ALL THEM CORRECT?

Hanouf left a comment on your episode:

You don’t mind if try to add to your list of expressions do you? How about saying: Mind how you go as a way to say bye.

Dear “Mister. Bean”, I’m delighted reading your Paris notes! Do you teach only English? Don’t you teach English Literature or Philosohpy? You’ve got a nice sense of humour and you are just a very good person. Have you read something from Russian Literature? (Olga)

NEW TRANSCRIPTS AVAILABLE from Crista Bartels and other listeners. Episodes 1-6 are now fully transcribed, and a lot of other episodes. Keep checking the blog for more transcripts in the future.

Hello Luke,

It is me, Andrew again, one of the student addicted to your podcasts.

I found having transcript or at least more difficult phrases indispensable part of my method of learning English which is:

1. listening to the material at least twice

2. writing down everything exactly what is said there

3. reading aloud following the speaker, sentence after sentence

4. moving useful words, phrases, expressions, sentences etc. to SuperMemo application

5. and of course trying to used all of that stuff during lessons with my local teacher of English, who is really great too.

Thank you for your really great job. I appreciate it very much.

— Best wishes,

Andrzej

It’s now been 11 days since ZAHID sent you an ecard.

Luis commented on What is this?

Hi Luke!!! This is Luis from Spain.
I just arrive to London two months ago, and i have been listening the people, they usually use a lot of verbs ended with up or off…
Could you please make a podcast with the most common verbs that you use ending with up, off,down…?
Thank you so much
Great work

Hello, Luke

How are you? Are you in England with your family or in France? Wherever you are, a happy new year!

The last three or four months, I have not be able to make donation due to Japanese law (they say). Every time I try to, they say: PayPal does not currently support Donation Payments from buyers in JP. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause.

Actually, it is extremely inconvenient!! I would appreciate if you give me some advice of any other way to donate, so that I can support you and enjoy your wonderful podcast. Many Japanese must have this kind of problem, I guess. Please help us to make a donation.

With best regards,

moriya

I am writing just to thank you for doing the Luke’s English Podcast!

Sometimes I focus so much on the listening that I start smiling or even laughing with my headphones on, while no one around knows what is going on. Then I feel a bit stupid because some people start looking at me like I was a freak or something :D

But whatever…I will keep listening because it’s just fun!

Best regards,

Michaela

listener from Prague, Czech Republic

Daniel commented on Who is Luke?

Hi,
I enjoy your lessons and would like to donate as you actually deserve it.
Unfortunately I’m unable to find where is the link with Paypal in your site.
Could you help me please ?
Daniel
An elder english learner and lover.

New comment on your post “Episode 4 – Joaquin Phoenix”

Author : gerardo

URL :

Whois : http://whois.arin.net/rest/ip/186.79.136.177

Comment:

Hello. I’m gerardo from Chile ;) I was wondering what’s the difference between he may have an emotional problem and he may be having an emotional problem ;) that’s it thanks for your podcasts ;))) bye

hi luke, just wanna ask how do you read the word “negotiation”? ne-go-she-a-tion or ne-go-c-a-tion?

THX

billy

*Billy always asks me very quick and very specific questions. They’re pretty easy for me to answer, so he usually gets a response. If you do ask me a question, make it quick and specific. Very long and very open questions are much less likely to get responses. I don’t have time to write an essay. Please don’t ask me questions like “How do I improve my pronunciation?” – it’s too big a question to get a response from me, know what I mean?

Hello

I like your podcasts very much and i have a question about learning english.

You said Try to speak in english with people more.

Could you recommend me a website where i can speak with other people in english (voice chat) ?

Best wishes

Gábor

http://www.sharedtalk.com/ (If anyone else knows any good sites for this, please leave comments below ;)

- Hello Teacher Luke
- First of all , you are totally the man. You totally rule. Thanks for your great podcast.
- Second, you mentioned in a recent podcast “Maybe your name is Jose and maybe you want to speak like me” or something like that. You got it right. My name is Jose and I would really like to speak like you do.
- Thirdly. I was practising my english the other day and a phrase came up: “One of the most Interesting things that have happened to me” My question is , is it have happened or has happend, I googled it but I found examples of both, How a londoner would say it?
- Thanks again. Cheers.
Luke’s English Podcast
- Ah ha! I knew someone called Jose would be listening to the podcast! Nice to hear from you.
- And it’s ‘has’ in that sentence.

Luca Ricci

Hi, I’ve got a question about the use of “ain’t”.

I’ve noticed that you never use it in your podcasts and i don’t remember to have heard it from any of your guests.

In some website I’ve read that it represents an american semi-unpolite grammar form and it should be better not to use it. What do you think about that?

103. The Queen and The Royal Family

5 Replies

Opinions, facts and gossip about The Royal Family, as The Queen celebrates her Diamond Jubilee this weekend.

Right-click here to download the episode.
Listen to Luke have a conversation with English Robot 4000 about The Royal Family. We talk about everything you need to know about the Royals, including the shocking rumour about Prince Harry (listen to find out more).
Thanks for listening, and remember your donations make this podcast possible.
Luke

84. Luke’s English Braincast (with James)

1 Reply

Why is it called Luke’s English Braincast? Listen to the episode until the end to find out.

Right-click here to download.

Contents
What’s been going on? What’s been happening? In this episode, Luke and James talk about recent news stories and current affairs including:
– The London Olympic Games
– The Queen’s Diamond Jubilee
– The Superbowl
– Charles Dickens 200th Anniversary
– The Oscars 2012
– Women drivers
and a number of other fascinating topics! You will find a list of some vocabulary used in the show below. Just scroll down the page, listen to the episode and learning will occur!

You can also hear Luke’s award acceptance speech. I’m now going to shut up about the award!

DICTIONARY UPDATE
Fans of my Facebook page have voted for The Macmillan Phrasal Verbs Dictionary as their prize. So, I will let Macmillan know and then they will send me that dictionary. When I have received it, I will organise some kind of competition so that YOU have a chance to win it from me.

VOCABULARY
Are you a learner of English? Do you like natural English vocabulary? Do you like games? Do you think the world would be a better place if we all stopped taking ourselves so seriously all the time? Well, here’s a great new game you can play to improve your English. It’s called VOCAB HUNTER (in 3D). It’s not actually in 3D but that sounds better than just VOCAB HUNTER! Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking – how do I play this fascinating game which is called VOCAB HUNTER (in 3D)? Well, simply look at the list of vocab + definitions below while you listen to this episode of Luke’s English Podcast. Whenever you hear a piece of vocab being used by Luke or his brother James, just SHOOT that item (mentally if you don’t have a laser gun or you don’t want to damage your computer) and move on to the next piece of vocab. That’s it. Could you be the best vocab hunter in the world? Can you identify and SHOOT (please don’t actually do any real shooting – just look at the vocab on the screen and say “OK” or “got it” or something) each piece of vocab as you see it? Are you ready to become the world’s greatest VOCAB HUNTER??? There’s only one way to find out, so listen to the conversation between Luke & James, and identify the vocab in this list: (please try to contain your excitement)

This list contains extracts from this podcast. I have typed these bits because I think they contain some phrases, expressions or words that I think you might not know. Use an online dictionary like the Macmillan Online Dictionary or The Cambridge Online Dictionary to get definitions.

James: You shouldn’t be so humble about these things
Luke: Sarcasm

Luke: I won a dictionary
James: We get that. Not that I’m putting that down, it’s a great achievement.

James: I think I’ve heard enough about the dictionary now. That’s all I’m saying. You might have milked that one a bit too much.
Luke: I might have over-egged the pudding

Luke: Which film did you see?
James: I saw ‘Young Adult’
Luke: ‘Young Adult’ – it sounds dodgy

James: Let’s talk about the news. That’s what I’m here for. To cast my expert eye over the week’s events across the media.
Luke: OK what have you come across? What news stories have you come across?

Luke: …the Olympic bid…

Luke: On one hand… all the countries in the world take part and it’s an amazing celebration, but on the other hand London is such a crowded place that it could become an absolute nightmare.

James: Also, during what’s becoming a recession, isn’t it just a massive waste of money? When there’s people having their benefits taken away from them, councils have less and less money to spend on basic services, and the poor are getting poorer, the rich are getting richer, do you really need this pointless festival of sport?

Luke: Ooh let’s see who can run the fastest! In a way, that question is now redundant because we’ve got cars and bicycles.

James: If we had money coming out of our ears and we were very very rich and there was no problems with poverty in this country, which is never going to happen, but if we were living in a sort of utopia, then great, have a festival of sport, but otherwise I just think it’s a complete waste of money.

James: And also I thought the Olympics were supposed to be a very non-commercial event.

Luke: …they are promoting sport by making kids fat, allegedly.

Luke: …but it’s all revenue though isn’t it? It’s all revenue to the government.

James: There has been a lot of regeneration of East London because they want the area to look nice for international visitors, to show off to make London look nice. And in some ways that’s good, and they talk about the legacy, that’s kind of a catchphrase… …it’s not just about the event it’s about the legacy.

James: …a lone wolf terrorist…

James: Let’s move on to the next topic. We’ve cleared that one up.
Luke: We’ve done the Olympics.

James: The best one is when they get on the tube with a massive rucksack on and the tube doors close on their rucksack and they’re basically pinned to the door, trapped like a sort of scared animal and it’s very very funny. Tourists, keep doing that because it really brightens up my day.

Luke: I saw it the other day I saw a Japanese family dithering by the doors of a crowded underground train.

Luke: He was probably pleased because he probably thought “now I can go and get pissed” or something

Luke: Anyway let’s not be too down on the tourists because … we welcome tourists in London.

James: I found myself taking a photo of a van, just an ordinary van

The Queen’s Diamond Jubilee

James: I’d want to stay in bed. I wouldn’t relish that thought.

James: No wonder she’s such a heavy drinker. It’s a well known fact. She hits the sherry by about half eleven most days, by midday she’s onto her second or third. By ,idnight she is hammered.

James: Queen Victoria used to take it.
Luke: She had period pains and arthritis pains

James: I just made that up. I’m lying.

Luke: Mick Jagger is Sir Mick Jagger. He’s a Knight of the Realm.
James: What, for ‘services to paedophilia’?
Luke: Woa there! Where are all these allegations coming from?
James: Sorry I’m just a bit bored today. I’m just trying to liven it up.

The Queen’s Honours; e.g. OBE, CBE, Knighthood

James: cheering on a bunch of knuckleheaded…
Luke: …knuckleheaded sportsmen in armour

James: All you need to play American football is a bloody massive pitch, these weird upside-down goal things
Luke: You can play American football in a park
James: Yeah but not the full game. Not the full contact sport game, because you’d break your neck wouldn’t you. They need all that padding just in order to have a little kick around. You can play touch football I suppose but that’s not the actual game.

James: I used to get into them in the 80s. They used to show them on channel 4.

James: It’s just quite easy to take the mick out of really isn’t it.
Luke: We like making fun
James: Mocking people
Luke: Mocking Americans

James: It’s the screaming and the pointlessness of it all, and the crushing depression
Luke: You’re really negative today. You need to lighten up. Be more positive.

They start talking about the performance at superbowl this year with Madonna and MIA.

James: (About MIA) Her Dad used to be a Tamil Tiger.
Luke: She’s a musician from Sri Lanka

James: “and halfway through the performance she flipped the bird”

James: Not that shocking you might think but apparently people are upset about it… pre-watershed, Christians and that…

James: We’re being a bit mean
Luke: …a bit crazy today
James: a bit crass

James: Co)incidentally her new single’s out today… it’s a publicity stunt… we’re clever enough to say “we don’t care” “we don’t give a toss”.

James: it was okay. Out of ten I’d give it a five.
Luke: She sampled The Clash in that song. That’s the best bit of the song.
James: Mmm, they should have just not sampled the clash and just played The Clash.
Luke: I can play a bit of that song
James: Let’s not bother
Luke: If you’re listening, it’s called “Paper Planes” by MIA

Dickens’ 200th Anniversary

Luke: He was quite a good person
James: He was quite into social reform

James: People talk about things being ‘Dickensian’

Luke: The cliche that London is very old, dark, grey, foggy, smokey, and with lots of gap-toothed urchins, chimney sweeps, basically Charles Dickens…
James: Put that into the popular consciousness

The Oscars:
Luke: The ladies love George (Clooney). He’s often voted the sexiest man in the world, even though he is going grey, he’s got a few grey hairs going on but the ladies still seem to think he’s wonderful. My girlfriend for example, rather annoyingly, still loves George Clooney
James: Bit of jealousy there

Luke: Basically, The Oscars is Hollywood’s way of promoting its assets (itself).

“George Clooney always looks like he’s in an advert for George Clooney” Geoff Dyer in The Times

James: Oh that reminds me, have you seen the trailer for the new Tom Hanks film?

Luke: We don’t really like that kind of cheese in England
James: I hate that kind of really over the top, sentimentality

James: We like understatement. Not everyone, I can’t speak for the whole bloody country
Luke: We do like understatement though, and we prefer it when people aren’t so earnest like that, “well gee Dad I sure love you!”, instead in England it’s a bit like ” you know Dad, you’re alright”
James: Yeah; we’d prefer that. I’d well up at that

Luke: We tend to hide behind jokes. We’re diseased, we’ve got a disease, it’s called a sense of humour. We use it to cover up our awkwardness

James: It’s like Ricky Gervais (said), you’ve got to do a movie about the holocaust,
Luke: A movie about an idiot or a movie about the holocaust is the best way to win an oscar
James: Play a disabled or a jew
Luke: Woa there!!!
James: That’s his words, not mine

Women Drivers
Luke: Women just use a car to go from A to B… They don’t value driving as a way of proving themselves

Luke: The cliche is that women can’t park a car… Surveillance of car parks around Britain, CCTV surveillance around Britain in car parks has revealed that while women take longer than men to get their cars into small spaces, they do it more skillfully. They actually do it more successfully. So all these security cameras all over the country have…
James: Well, the ones that are left and haven’t been crashed into by women
Luke: Ha ha very funny. These security cameras have revealed that women may park more slowly but they do it more successfully.

The stupidest thief
James: There are some very deranged people out there, very disturbed people out there. You should probably say you read that from The Week didn’t you.

Cold weather
James: What disturbed me is, the night of the cold snap, I can’t remember what country it was, like 40 homeless people died, or more, like loads and loads of homeless people died. It’s just such a horrible thought that people haven’t got a home to go to and when it gets that cold you just die.
That’s all I have time to do at the moment. Listeners – if you have some time to kill then please transcribe the last 10mins of this episode and send it to me at luketeacher@hotmail.com
For now, it’s good night.

Now it’s time to say good night
Good night Sleep tight
Now the sun turns out his light
Good night Sleep tight
Dream sweet dreams for me
Dream sweet dreams for you.
Close your eyes and I’ll close mine
Good night Sleep tight
Now the moon begins to shine
Good night Sleep tight
Dream sweet dreams for me
Dream sweet dreams for you.
Close your eyes and I’ll close mine
Good night Sleep tight
Now the sun turns out his light
Good night Sleep tight
Dream sweet dreams for me
Dream sweet dreams for you.
Good night Good night Everybody
Everybody everywhere
Good night.

83. How to Swear in British English – VERY RUDE CONTENT (with James)

15 Replies

Warning: Explicit Content. Do not listen to this if you are easily offended. This episode contains lots of very rude words and offensive content. You can read all the swear words, and watch some videos below.

Right-click here to download.

Introduction

This is an overview of all the swear words in British English. The aim of this episode is to explain how to swear. Please remember that swearing is very offensive and is almost always inappropriate. Please do not swear regularly! It doesn’t sound good.

In this episode I am joined by my brother James and we explain all the main swear words in English, their meaning, their use and how offensive they are. You can read the list of swear words below. Please remember that they are very rude indeed!

I do not intend to cause offence with this episode, just to educate people about language.

VOCABULARY

Here is a list of all the swear words. The * represents how rude or offensive the word is in my opinion.

*damn
*blast
*hell
*damn it
*damn it to hell
*damn you
*bloody hell
**bugger / bugger it / it’s buggered / you daft bugger
***piss / piss off / what a pisser / it’s pissing it down / I’m pissed off
***sod / sod it / you sod
***arse / you arsehole
***prick / you prick / you dick / you dickhead / you cock
***crap / that’s crap / that’s a load of crap / don’t talk crap
****bastard
*****bollocks / that’s a load of bollocks / never mind the bollocks / that’s the (dog’s) bollocks
***balls
*nuts
*****bitch
*****you bellend
*****wank / you wanker
***you tosser
******shit / to do, take, have a shit / that’s shit / that’s the shit / to have the shits / are you shitting me? / I shit you not / he’s a shit / this is good shit / shit head / shit face / shitty / bullshit / I’m shitting myself / I was shitting it / I don’t give a shit / shit – shat – shat / I was shit scared / I don’t give a shit / when the shit hits the fan / to be shitfaced
*******fuck / to fuck something / fuck off / fuck you / shut the fuck up / fucking hell / I’m fucked / that’s fucked up / what are you fucking doing in my bed? / what are you doing fucking in my bed? / what the fuck? / no fucking way! / what the fuck are you doing? / who the fuck is he? / un-fucking-believable / abso-fucking-lutely / you fuck / you fucker / for fuck’s sake / I don’t give a fuck
********mother-fucker
*********cunt / he’s such a cunt / I felt like an absolute cunt / you stupid cunt / you fucking cunt

All those words are offensive, but the following are the very taboo words which genuinely cause a lot of offence. They’re mainly used as racist abuse: nigger (often heard in hop-hop records as black American people sometimes use this word to refer to themselves) and paki – which was used as a term of racist abuse against people of asian origin living in the UK in the 70s and 80s. It’s associated with hate crimes and racism, so of course I think it’s a very offensive word.

So that’s it. It seems that swear words used to be religious in nature “damn”etc, then they became about sex or the body, “fuck” “shit” etc, but are they really that offensive? Not in comparison with words used in racial abuse. Perhaps it is the reasons for which words are used which are offensive, and not the words themselves. What is in a word? Offensive words can be powerful so think twice before using them.

VIDEOS

Here are some videos that feature lots examples of swearing.

George Carlin’s Classic Bit about Rude Language

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p25SdQEnhHI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Kf4kyQabwQ

70. Language and Music (with Francis Duncan)

8 Replies

What are the similarities between learning a language and learning to play a musical instrument? Listen to this episode to find out, while following an authentic conversation between two native speakers of English who are also musicians.

Right-click here to download this episode.
Learning English and learning music are quite similar actually. In this episode I talk to a great musician and English teacher about how learning English is similar to learning to play music.

Listen carefully to the conversation to get some extended listening practice.
This is a completely natural and authentic conversation between two speakers of British English.
You can sharpen your listening skills, pick up some bits of vocabulary and also just ponder the question of “What are the similarities between learning English and learning music?”
Feel free to send me your comments.

In this episode I talk to Francis, who has been teaching English for nearly 40 years. He is from the UK and he works with me at The London School of English. Francis worked for a while in Colombia where he learned Spanish to a good level. Francis is also an excellent guitarist. He’s been playing guitar for all of his adult life. In fact, we both play in a band together and I can assure you – his playing is great! It is a pleasure for me to be able to interview Francis in this podcast and we all feel lucky to share some of his knowledge and experience.

I recorded the conversation on a Blackberry mobile phone. I apologise for the fairly poor sound quality of the interview. You can imagine you are listening to a telephone conversation, or a conference call over the internet. In fact, listening to this conversation will give you valuable practice in listening to English in realistic conditions – you will often have to communicate with people over the telephone or maybe Skype. This is a good chance for you to practise listening in that situation.

I hope you enjoy the conversation. Below you will find a list of some of the points I make during the conversation.

These are some of the similarities between learning English and learning to play music. Do you agree with me?

Love music / Love English
Live music / Live English
Listen to music a lot / Listen to English a lot
Practise
Do it with others
Learn from masters
Melody and rhythm
Copy others
Choose the type u want
Learn to read it
Learn to improvise
Study the history of it
Watch it happen live
Put it on your iPhone
Do it with your body
Use it to communicate
Realise it is special and personal
Keep your instrument clean
Do it every day, until it hurts
Start early and don’t give up
Use it to entertain others
Enjoy the way it sounds
Record yourself and listen to it
Watch other people do it on YouTube
Think about how it changes depending on the situation
Sing it regularly
Keep it in your heart
Enjoy the different types from around the world
Realise that the english do it best!!! Lol

Transcript of Language and Music – This transcript was sent by a listener, but I have not proofread it yet! There are some gaps (____?___). Please feel free to offer corrections. Just add corrections as a comment. This could become like the Luke’s English Podcast wiki or something ;)

You’re listening to Luke’s English Podcast. For more information visit teacherluke.podomatic.com
Hello again Ladies and Gentlemen and welcome to another edition of Luke’s English podcast. Thank you very much for those of you who sent me emails,
people who have left me comments on each episode, people who have given me reviews on iTunes, people who have responded to me on Facebook and
have left comments on my Facebook page, people who have tweeted me on Twitter and mentioned me in various other forms. thank you very much for all
of you attention and your supports. It’s much appreciated. Thank you if you’re a listener to this podcast a long term, if you’ve been listening since the very
beginning when I’ve started doing this and of course if you ‘re a new listener then welcome of the world of Luke’s English podcast and if you (___)
subscribed to this then well done. I think you’ve probably made a good choice there and if you listen to every episode, you’ll realize it can help your English
a lot and I do get emails from people regularly saying that after listening to lots of episodes they have noticed an improvement in their English. Often
because it’s helps them with their vocabulary but also just listening to this regularly is a very good way of improving your English. Imagine it being like sort
of having a friend that you can meet every now and then and kind of sit with in a café and the pub and just talk to them or listen to them speaking to you. A
real English friend. Just like being in London. Well you can do that here but it coasts you much less money and time. you can just do it by listening to
Luke’s English podcast. Sure you can’t actually speak in responds, you can’t have a conversation but when you’re, you know, in a country where it’s
difficult to meet foreign people, it’s difficult to meet learners, it’s difficult to meet native speakers of English then this is obviously a very good opportunity,
isn’t it? Thank you also if you’ve sent me some donations. I have had a few donations recently. The (_odd_?_) kind of payment here and I’ve appreciate
very much. Hm, it’s certainly helps me to keep doing these things and pay for things like the website subscription and for other things like my microphone
which I’ve recently purchased. Now, in this episode you’re going to here an interview which I did. A conversation really between me and another English
learning teacher who works with me at my school. Now, let me give you a little bit a back round information to this one. Recently I was just thinking about
language learning, learning English and music and particularly learning music, learning to play an instrument. I was thinking actually in many ways they
are quite similar. They are not too different. Now, I have got a big passion for music. I love to play it, I like playing the drums, the bass guitar. I’m trying to
learn the guitar and I’ve played the piano since I was a child and so I got a big passion for music and I often listen to music on my walk man, my mp3
player. So I always get music in my head and obviously as a professional English language teacher, I’m always thinking about ways in which people learn
English and learn language and how they can become masters of English. So actually, I’ve noticed there are many similarities between the two. So what I
thought I would do is, have a conversation about that subject. About the similarities between learning a language, learning English and learning to play
music. So I thought who better to talk to than my college and friend and fellow musician Francis who I work with at school. Now, Francis has being
teaching English for many years. he started way back in the 1970th. I think he went to Colombia originally in South America and he thought English there.
He started in the mid to early seventies and he has been teaching English ever since. So that’s over thirty-five years of experience of teaching English. It’s
incredible isn’t it? He also has learnt Spanish to a very high level after living in South America for many years. He first started to learn Spanish when he
moved to Colombia back in the 70th and as well as that he’s an excellent guitarist. A very very good guitar player. I fact, I play in a band with Francis and
we perform live music in London and we enjoying playing together very much and I can honestly tell you he’s a great guitarist and I respect the way he
plays music very much. So I thought it would be very interesting to talk to Francis about music, about learning English and about learning language in
general. And so I thought, I’d record the conversation, so I can share it with listeners to my podcast. Now, I thought that would be useful for you because
you can just listen to (___) ,natural, authentic conversation between two native speakers of English talking about a subject which I think you will find
interesting, revealing and informative. So let’s just get straight to it. So you can listen to it. Now, I recently changed my mobile phone. I don’t use an iPhone
anymore, because I couldn’t effort it. it’s too expensive for me to use an iPhone these days. So nowadays I’m using a Blackberry, which is fine. i love it very
much, it’s a great phone but some things are not as good as the iPhone and I actually recorded the conversation with Francis using my Blackberry. Now,
you’ll notice that the recording quality is not as good. In fact the sound quality is rather like listening to someone speaking to you over the telephone. So
you’ll probably notice immediately, oh my God, it doesn’t sound perfect! It doesn’t sound perfect. I can’t understand every single word because it is not
perfect. Well, what I would say to you is; I think it’s still a very good exercise for you to listen to this because think about it,.. In real life you’re probably
going to use English over the telephone. Aren’t you? It’s very common for you, you know, if you gonna using English at work, you gonna to listen to
people speaking to you over the telephone, you might be doing conference calls, it could be through Skype and in those situations the sound quality is not
perfect So I think, actually it’s very good practice to you to listen to English when the sound quality is not perfect. So you should listen to the whole
conversation even if you can’t understand everything. It’s very good practice, it helps your ears to get used to hearing English when it’s spoken to you over
the telephone and when you’re using a conference call or Skype or something It’s very good practice for you. Okay? So, stick with it, keep going, don’t give
up even if the sound quality isn’t perfect, okay? there will be more podcasts in the future where the sound quality is excellent. I realized, I’ve recently
bought a microphone in order to improve the sound quality. I hope The sound quality is better. Who knows, maybe it’s exactly the same. I don’t know. You
know, I hope that the sound quality is better. I’ve got a really good microphone which allows me to record in various ways. This one I’m using on the stereo
function. So should get a kind of stereo effect if you’re listening to this on your headphones you might get a kind of stereo effect as I move my head around
the microphone like this and I don’t know if you can hear that if you’re listening to it on headphones you should hear me going from one ear to the next ear
like that. That’s pretty cool. Isn’t it? It’s always like a special effect almost. it’s pretty amazing, isn’t it? Well, I realized, Id just bought this microphone into
improve the sound quality, now I gonna play you a recording which is got pretty low sound quality. But anyway enough nonsense, I’m gonna stop speaking
nonsense because I do this too much. I gonna play the conversation now. Listen carefully to it, try in understand it. If you feel generous enough you could
even try and make a transcript and send it to me, so that other listeners can read it, while they listen and understand it Also if you’re feeling generous, send
me a donation via PayPal. You should find a button on the website. You just click on that and send me a little bit of money, so that I can keep doing this.
That’s it. Now you can listen to the conversation between me and my college and friend and fellow musician Francis. Here it is Ladies and Gentlemen, by
the way I will include some consent from the conversation on the webpage. You’ll see the list of points that I make during the conversation. That’s it for
now. Enjoy the conversation Ladies and Gentlemen. Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye ……
LUKE: So , I’m here with Francis and so we’re just sitting here at work and I’m recording this on my phone. I have never tried to record anything on
this phone before so if it’s sounds rubbish then don’t blame me, blame Blackberry because they aren’t obviously as good as iPhones. So, I’m here at
work with Francis and I’ decided to speak to Francis because I know that you, you play music and also speak Deutsch.
FRANCIS: Spanish, Spanish yah.
LUKE: Yeah okay. So, though I was just thinking about this idea of the similarities between learning a language, about learning English and learning to
play music.
FRANCIS: Yeah.
LUKE: So first of all, I just wanna ask you, well,I mean how long have you been teaching in English now?
FRANCIS: Well about… since 1973
LUKE: Wow!
FRANCIS: As long as I’ve been born. Hahaha… (___) let’s say, ‘ll go 43 years experience or something but now, if you do the same thing every year it’s
just one year experience.
LUKE: Right. So in fact (___), I agree with that.Is that 48 years of experience?
FRANCIS: Yeah something like that.
LUKE: Yeah, it’s very good and okay so you play music, right? What kind of music do you play? What instrument do you play?
FRANCIS: Well, (___)
LUKE: Yeah I know the answer already. Yeah what kind of guitar it is? I mean, what sort of guitar playing do you do?
Well, actually when I started at school, I did every day, an hour a day and then on holidays two hours every day over two years.
LUKE: Right
FRANCIS: And it really was, you know when it’s a sunny day, it was really hard when I just made myself (good or work?) and I might, you get you
know,get random so really to focusing on the movement and the pain of it and it just was difficult. getting it wrong endlessly and just getting back to get lots
and lots and lots of practice and…
LUKE: Frustration and pain and stuff.
FRANCIS:Yah but also concentration but it’s like sort of just like learning Grammar or something. Really thinking because you got a (___) notes and know
which notes it is what it is thinking all the time, where do I got my finger and (hold it ?)something.
LUKE: Hm, well so…
FRANCIS: But so, yeah, so was was one, but at the same times this is good. I played in a band and that was just getting together all these guy who
couldn’t play. Just learning and so it was much less concentrating in a sense because we just had just kind of having fun and it was just, you know…
LUKE: So what (___) you kind of studying but quite hard the art to play a guitar and (___) of British band, you just sort of messing around with the music
as well. It’s quite interesting.
FRANCIS: Yeah, because you learn in a different way with a band, because it is really hard and as you know, you play the guitar, too. When you’re
learning it’s really hard to change from one cord to another, and
LUKE: Yeah at the right time.
FRANCIS: and(___) because (___) you’re playing without the people. You got it, so just you do it.(___) you do it wrong but you do it.
LUKE: A bit like, in a way it’s one of the best ways to learn a language apparently . It’s just you put into a situation where you have to survive.
FRANCIS: You can’t run away.
LUKE: Yeah, like if you have to work in English or something and this is one of the best ways because you’re forced to improve just by survival.
FRANCIS: Yah, that’s right.
LUKE: So just going back to music. What may you want to play because obviously You need to keep all these difficult exercise with your fingers and
everything. You must have had to want to improve. So what was it that made you want to keep playing?
FRANCIS: Well, I think I want,to start there’s not a reason you know,I have had to use a few a cheap guitar before I could play
LUKE: You’ve had a hero?
FRANCIS: Hank Marvin.
LUKE: Hank Marvin from the shadows.
FRANCIS::(_And the Captain and Jeff Beck and…__)
LUKE: Hendrix?
FRANCIS: Yeah, but not, I mean like I could, I never. You know it was no quite so much. I mean I really liked it but It was just on another structure (___)
LUKE: You have these heros where you look up to. So you wanted to be like and that’s what maybe pushed through over the pain on your fingers.
FRANCIS: But I think it was just being a bit obsessive as (___)
LUKE: Right.
FRANCIS: That was complicated.
LUKE: Hm so, okay what about language then? You speak Spanish?
FRANCIS: Yeah.
LUKE: How long have you been speaking Spanish?
FRANCIS: (Whatever?) , probably since 1973.
LUKE: LUKE: Everything started in 1973?
FRANCIS: Yah.
LUKE: You didn’t stop playing guitar in 1973?
FRANCIS: No
LUKE: Okay, so you’ve been speaking Spanish for long time? So how did you end up learning Spanish? Why did you choose to learn Spanish?
FRANCIS: Yeah, well it was amazing but it was(___________) Why? Just because I wanted to go to South America for , just because, just because. Just
because I had met a few people been and I heart some music from there. I just wanted to go to (___) you know. (___) and so it just happened. It wasn’t,
you know, I didn’t want to. It’s just because I went there so I had to learn it.
LUKE: Right, I see. It’s more about because you chose to go to South America then you chose to learn it.
FRANCIS: Yeah, absolutely.
LUKE: What was it like in South America in 1973?
FRANCIS: Yeah it’s great. I mean I’m pretty always good to go, when you’re young and there’s another place it’s just amazing. So it is, it is, yeah, it’s
brilliant. (________) because I remember, because I did French
LUKE: Yeah, I did French at school.
FRANCIS: And I remember for years you don’t (___) and people just (__________) and it was like a horrible torture (___) And everybody hate to do it
because learning the French subjunctive in books. It was just like the hardest thing ever. (_____) and it took two years before (___) to do the subjunctive
and when I finally got to do it , it was just as horrible as (___) It was really hard. Learning Spanish, what happened was, it was just a classic thing. I just ,
somebody point it out to me that what I just said was subjunctive. So I just picked it up just like a parrot. Lots people would say (___) but the way they say
(___) including the subjunctives. So it is (___)
LUKE: So you just picked it up without having to…
FRANCIS: And it was so easy because I picked it , you know. Except of the bits. If one bit of subjunctive which I didn’t pick up and I still can’t did it right.
LUKE: Subjunctive is just a titled verb form isn’t it? This specific kind of verb form that occurs in certain grammatical structures.
FRANCIS: Yah.
LUKE: I mean in English that subjunctive would be like…
FRANCIS: Oh we don’t really have it I think.
LUKE: We got types of it. Haven’t we? Like for example if you say in a second conditional, that is a subjunctive, isn’t it ? Like for example (___)
FRANCIS: Yah but I would say that’s kind of like, that’s like, it’s like the past simple but used in the same way but you know the trouble is that the
subjunctive in Spanish or French, I mean is actually a different form.
LUKE: Okay.
FRANCIS: So you got to learn all these different endings and so as well. At least in English you got he same word.
LUKE: Yeah, in French and English there are like many many different verb forms depending on the subject that you use.So , he, she, it ,they, we, you,
and stuff.
FRANCIS: Yah and there are all these different endings, what would you call that?
LUKE: Conjugations. Endings for verbs depending on …
FRANCIS: And so subjunctive, yah, because you got the present and then you got, you know, all different (___) . There are all the different tenses, there
are all these subjunctive forms and so.
LUKE: Yah, right. Yah, it’s complicated isn’t it?
FRANCIS: Yah.
LUKE: Hum, okay, so then, right , establishing you’re playing music and you’ve learnt a second language. The next question then is really, how can you
become great at music or how can you become great at English. So I’m trying to find some kind of comparison between Learning English ( MUSIC) and
learning a language and what I did, that I was thinking about this the other day and I have just written down a list of things that I think is similar between
learning music and learning language. So, but the first thing I’ve got here on top of the list is to love, you have to love music.If you’re willing to learn how to
play guitar or another instrument very well, you have to have a love of music.

69. Common Errors / Typical Mistakes (and their corrections)

19 Replies

Learn to avoid some really common errors, and fine-tune your English! This episode is about typical mistakes that learners of English make when they speak. Do you make any of these errors when you speak?

Right-click here to download this episode.
Luke’s English Podcast is an audio download for learners of English as a foreign language.

Common errors made by learners of English, and their corrections
Recently I made a list of some of the most common mistakes I hear from my students of English. Here they are, with corrections.
Listen to the audio above to hear me explain the corrections in more detail. This is not a blog article, it’s just the text which accompanies an audio podcast episode. :)

ERROR: I am agree
CORRECTION: I agree

ERROR: I said you something
CORRECTION: I told you something

E: Luke told that…
C: Luke told us that…

E: If I will…
C: If I go… I will…

E: If I would go…
C: If I went…

E: If I would have gone to university…
C: If I had gone to university

E: A present to someone
C: A present for someone

E: to buy a gift to someone
C: to buy a gift for someone

E: Let’s have a coffee to that cafe
C: Let’s have a coffee in that cafe

Rise = to go up “taxes rose by 5%”
Raise = to make something go up “The government raised taxes by 5%”

E: I am living here since/during 1 year
C: I have been living here for 1 year

E: a girl who she lives in Brazil
C: A girl who lives in Brazil

E: What do you do tonight?
C: What are you doing tonight?

E: Tonight I will go to the pub
C: Tonight I’m going to the pub

E: go to shopping
C: go shopping

a holiday = a vacation ( a week or two with no work)
a day off = one day in which you don’t work
a public holiday / a bank holiday = days when everyone in the country has a day off, e.g. Christmas Day or Easter

E: almost people in my country
C: most of the people in my country / almost all of the people in my country / most people in my country

E: I explain you something
C: Let me explain something (to you)

E: I haven’t any money
C: I don’t have any money / I haven’t got any money

E: some advices
C: Some advice / some pieces of advice

E: some informations
C: some information / some pieces of information

E: a new
C: Some news / a news story

E: question – /kestchun/
C: question – /kwestchun/

E: I had learned that when I was at school
C: I learned that when I was at school

E: I don’t know what means this word
C: I don’t know what this word means

E: Can you tell me where is the station?
C: Can you tell me where the station is?

E: In the next years / in the next months / in the next weeks
C: In the next few years / in the next few months / in the next few weeks

E: a four hours journey
C: a four hour journey

E: a £1m pounds cut
C: a £1m pound cut

E: I forgot my book at home
C: I left my book at home / I forgot to bring my book

E: I backed to my country
C: I went back to my country

E: Are you from England, aren’t you?
C: You’re from England, aren’t you?

E: I feel myself sick
C: I feel sick

E: I bought me an iPod
C: I bought myself an iPod

lend = give (temporarily)
borrow = take (temporarily)

E: I went to home
C: I went home

E: I went by walk
C: I went on foot

at midnight = at 12.00
in the middle of the night = from midnight until sunrise

E: I came to London for study English
C: I came to London to study English

E: You are the same like me
C: You are the same as me

E: Popular sports as football and tennis
C: Popular sports such as football and tennis / Popular sports like football and tennis

E: women /womens/
C: women /wimmin/

E: in spite of he was tired, he did the washing up
C: in spite of the fact that he was tired… / despite the fact that he was tired… / although he was tired… / in spite of being tired… / despite being tired…

E: We are used to live in a cold climate
C: We are used to living in a cold climate

E: What is he like? -He likes football
C: What is he like? -He’s a really nice guy

E: We have to wait during three weeks
C: We have to wait for three weeks

E: Finish the report until Friday
C: finish the report by Friday

That’s it! Don’t forget to donate to help me keep doing these useful podcasts. Have fun!

66. Top Advice for Learning English / Idioms with ‘say’ / Culture Shock

8 Replies

Right-click here to download this episode.

Listen to some good advice for anyone learning English or taking a Cambridge exam such as IELTS, CAE or FCE. FULL TRANSCRIPT NOW AVAILABLE BELOW (Thanks again to Bettina from France) Also in this podcast you’ll learn some idioms with the word ‘say’, and listen to Luke talking about culture shock. There’s a bonus comedy audio bit at the end too so listen to the whole thing! Here are the idioms: to have your say she has nothing to say for herself I must say I wouldn’t say no Let’s say… say ‘cheese’ say ‘what’? say when to say the least you can say that again! you can’t say fairer than that you don’t say! Here’s the video from The Day Today about the Jam Festival:
Video Transcript
Video from episode 66:
The Day Today – Chris Morris – Jam Festival Interview
[32:11]
P – TV presenter
J – Janet (quest)

P: Tommorow sees the opening of the London jam festival selling pots of jam some made by celebrities to raise money for the homeless. With me is one of the organizers Janet Breen. Janet, thanks for joining us this evening. This must have taken a heck of lot organizing.
J: Yes, well it has actually to get all these celebrities to contribute their jams really has been quite an operation.
P: How much of your time did you put in to it?
J: Oh, I would say at least six months.
P: Six months? To raise money for a jam festival. Isn’t it rather stupid?
J: No, I don’t think so. I mean, it’s all in a good cause.
P: Good cause, yeah. How much you’re going to raise?
J: Well, we hope to have raised some, at least 1500 pounds.
P: 1500 pounds? That’s a pathetic amount of money. You’d raise more money by auctioning dogs.
J: Well, I don’t think so. I think it’s all in a good cause and very worthwhile.
P: You persuaded this celebrities to waste their time donating to it.
J: Yes.
P: Oh, who?
J: Glenis Kinnock we’ve got and Sebastian Coe.
P: I hate Sebastian Coe.
J: I think, he made a very worthwhile contribution.
P: Well to the paultry sum of 15 hundred pounds.
J: Yes.
P: Is that worth six months of your time.
J: I think it is worth…
P: I don’t think it is at all. I think the only reason you’ve done it, is to make yourself look important. How dare you come on this program and say: “Hey, look at me, I’m raising 15 hundred pounds for the homeless. You could raise more money by sitting outside the tube station with your hat on the ground, even if you were twice as ugly as are, which is very ugly indeed.
J: (sound of sobbing)
P: Has that been very upsetting for you?
J: (silently) Yes.
P: Do you have anything else to say in your defence?
J: (silently) No.
P: Janet Breen, Thank you

PODCAST EPISODE TRANSCRIPT: Top Advice for Learning English / Idioms with ‘say’ / Culture Shock (Transcript provided by Bettina, a listener from France)
You’re listening to Luke’s English podcast. For more information visit teacherluke.podomatic.com Well, hello Ladies and Gentlemen, you’re listening to Luke’s English podcast . That’s right the finest example of English that you can find on the Internet and that’s right. This is basically just a podcast while I sit here on my sofa tonight. It’s a Thursday evening and I’m basically just sitting here on the sofa . I have got a bit of time, so I decided to record some kind of podcast. Basically what I’m gonna do is just kind of sit here and talk just sort of talk to you about some stuff basically. I’ve got an idioms dictionary on the desk here in front of me and I’ve got sort of other bits of advice to give to you about learning English which I think will be very useful and very important for you to kind of pick up on and learn, right? So as I like talk to you, I’ll just kind of sort of maybe explain a few bits of vocabulary and talk to you about some advice and that kind of thing. Doesn’t that sound brilliant? Yes, it does Ladies and Gentlemen. Of course it does, because this is Luke’s English podcast. Now if you’re new to Luke’s English podcast if this is the first time you’ve listened to this let me just explain basically what this is all about. You’re probably a learner of English or maybe a teacher of English or something and you might be someone learning English who’s living in another country somewhere else in the world. Maybe a place where it’s difficult to find other speakers of English like native speakers of English. They’re quite difficult to find in some places. So you need to be able to try and listen to someone speaking English in a natural way, like a native English speaker almost like you’re kind of sitting with that person in a café or in a pub and you’re kind of talking to that person, right? So, that’s what you can get from Luke’s English podcast except that also within this, I can add other bits of audio, like interviews with people, interviews with celebrities and other interesting things like that but also I can throw in bits of vocabulary, phrasal verbs, idioms, natural expressions, that kind of thing. The sort of natural things that people talk about and the language that they use and also some pronunciation tips. Things about the way people speak in the real world. The way that they link their words up together and the way they stress sentences and that kind of thing, right? So, how can you get in touch with that kind of English? You can listen to various things on the internet. There’s lots of podcasts available for you to download and you can just listen to people speaking English but how many podcasts are there on the internet for learners of English? Well, there’s a few, some good ones like from the BBC and a few others but there’s also a lot of other podcasts which I don’t think are particularly good for several reasons. One reason is maybe that the sound recording quality isn’t that great and so it’s like listening to a bad telephone line or that they use like scripts when they speak . So they’re not exactly speaking naturally they’re just reading from a prewritten script, right? So that’s not really gonna be like the natural way that they speak. They just kind of , it’s more like written English in that case. Or some of them are just very kind of basic and a bit patronizing, you know? Like you get those podcasts that talk to you as if you’re an idiot and maybe spend ten minutes just teaching you one like big word that you’re never really gonna use, you know. I’m not kind of anti-American or anything like that but it seems a lot of these podcasts are often American ones. You’ve got kind of like “You’re listening to the business English pod from pod business.com. Today’s business word is ‘innovative’ , ‘innovative’.” You know, that kind of thing . I don’t think that’s a natural way that people speak, so it’s better to just listen to someone speaking naturally, right? So, that’s the idea with this podcast . It’s that so I can speak to you naturally and you can listen on your headphones or when you’re on the bus or when you’re on the toilet or something like that, right? You can listen you know, a lot people who listen to this, listen to in the car , so it’s lots of people kind of driving while listening to this. In fact so I expect that some people driving right now, while listening to this. So if you are driving then ‘watch out for that! ‘ Yeah, just a bit of a joke. They’re just for people who are driving. I hope, you know, I’ve done that before. You shouldn’t be really surprised really but anyway. Now, I thought that in this episode I’d kind of impart some wisdom. Basically kind of give a bit of advice. Now, I’m not saying that I know everything absolutely everything about the best way to acquire a second language. In fact what would be very interesting is if listeners to this show could maybe email me with some bits of advice themselves like I get a lot of quite advanced listeners for this show . I’m very interested to hear your stories. How did you manage to develop your English to a good level, right? Because that’s what people wanna know. So from people who (___) a good level of English maybe you can email us some advice . What’s the best way in your opinion to learn English effectively, right? Now, I’ve got some advice which I wanna give you now. Let’s see. Now imagine you’re taking a test in English. It could be one of the Cambridge exams, for example like IELTS or FCE or something like that. You’re taking your test in order to prove your level of English and you want to get a good score, so that you can get a good job in the future, right? So how are you gonna know, if the answers are right? Now, let’s say, you’re doing one of the kind of vocabulary exercises and you have to choose the right word to complete the gap. Now, how do you know that that is the right word? Now in some cases it’s just because of meaning but often it’s because of collocation like the fact that some words always go together, you know? Like the fact that you do your homework, you don’t make your homework or anything else. You DO your homework. Now, how do you know that those two words go together? There isn’t really a rule about the meaning of that word in that situation because , you know, you could just as easily say make your homework but people don’t say that. Do your homework is the collocation. So how do you know that? And how are you gonna know all the other very intricate, subtle differences in meaning between various bits of English? Now, if you just study, if you just study a grammar book or just do kind of controlled practice like that , you’re not necessarily going to for example be exposed to English enough, really. What you need to do is as well as study the language you also should just try and kind of read and listen to as much English as you can, right? Because, let’s say like if I do an exercise in an exam , in an English exam as a teacher, I know the answer, right? I just know what the answer is and I , first of all my instinct tells me it’s right and then
after that I think about the grammatical reasons why it’s right. Okay but first my instinct just tells me, yeah, I know that’s right and the others are wrong just because, you know, I just feel it as an instinct. But how have I developed that instinct? Well I think that is because from the day that I was born, I have been listening to other people using English and I have been reading English. And so much English has gone into my ears and into my eyes now, that a lot of it just sticks. So, I know by instinct which things are right and wrong because I know something is wrong because you know no one says that . I have never heard anybody say that before. That combination just doesn’t feel right.Your instinct tells you what’s right because you have heard it so many times or read it so many times, right? Like whenever you read something in English, all of those words go into your head , they all go in. You might not remember them all but they all go into your subconscious because you’ve seen them and so all those combinations are feeding into your subconscious, all the patterns of grammar and usage just go right into the back of your head until you eventually just develop a natural sense for when something feels right or wrong. So the advice here is that you need to try to read a lot and listen a lot. You need to try to get exposed to the language on a large scale . So that means listening to things regularly, listening to natural things in English regularly, I’m talking about every week. I mean every day would be perfect, right? If you could listen for half an hour a day or more you know? But as much as you can really, just listen to things in English . There’s lots of things you can listen to , all the podcasts on the internet, all the BBC podcasts, this one, Luke’s English podcast , there’s lots of internet radio stations and you’ve got all of your audio books that you can buy and like video, YouTube. All those things, things you can just listen to on your iPod. Then as well that you can read a lot if possible and think about what you, what you’re reading , that kind of English will they be using because if you just read the newspaper then you’re just going to read newspaper style English. So maybe think about other things you can read as well like blogs, which are quite informal and well as that you can read, obviously you can read books, all the novels and books that you can purchase and magazines and things like that . There’s lots of things that you can read. Even read like Comic books in English because that’s like a really natural way of, you know of seeing the communication happen with pictures as well kind of help and you also when you listening, you just think about what you listening to. Are you just listening to the news? Because if you do they don’t really speak naturally, no, they don’t speak like normal people on the news, you know? Like they tend to speak in a wired way, like :’For some reason, everyone on the news seems to speak like this . The sentence stress is strange, the intonation’s just weird. In fact, the sentences seem to go on forever. Nowhere really knows where they’re going to end or if they are going to end at all’ ,you know. That kind of thing. So really it might not be natural. So listen to kind of interviews or conversations if you can. Hopefully then, when you get exposed to the language enough, you start to kind of get a feel for what’s right and wrong. You should also study as well. I mean you can study from grammar books and things like that, too. If you try to do both, it’s the best way to do it but you need to get some English into your life. (Think a bit ?) like that. When you engage with the language you should do on a kind of meaningful level, even an emotional level, you know, so that you’re really feeling, you’re really interested in whatever you’re reading about or listening to in English. Just having that sense of enthusiasm or desire to do it will help you massively. I mean in my experience, the students who learn the best, are the ones who enjoy kind of engaging in some kind of active communication and who, you know, put themselves into the learning process. They don’t just expect it to happen, they actually take it. They take the bull by the horns, you could say. Take the bull by the horns. A bull, you know is a big animal like a male cow. You get bullfighting in Spain for example. A bull, and a bull has horns. Those are a sort of sharp bits on the top of the bull’s head and if you grab or take the bull by the horns you just sort of like take control of the situation basically. To take the bull by the horns. So the best learners really kind of take the bull by the horns, take control of the situation and kind of get involved in learning and you can enjoy it. You can pick up lots of other information not just English. You can find out about what’s happening in the world which is a pretty special thing. I’m sure you agree, Ladies and Gentlemen. So, there we go, there’s just like a bit of advice really for me. I wonder if there are other things I could talk to you about at this point. Just thinking about where my students tend to ask me questions on. Now, I get kind of questions about the world, family and about English food, it’s quite a common one. We have other weird things in this country that people don’t seem to understand. Like when visitors come to England, there are various things that they find strange or different? You know it’s basically culture shock. Culture shock is interesting because people using the word culture shock kind of expect the experience to be a shock like when you’re arriving in a new country, it’s like BANG, oh my god, I can’t deal with this but that’s not what it’s like because actually when you go to another country often it’s just, you know, pretty normal if when you get there it’s just normal, it’s the same. They have cars and you walk up and down the street and you know you can buy kind of coke, maybe people are speaking a different language but in many cases it’s quite of similar but slowly you start to realize that the place you’re living in is different in another way. It’s not just that they have sort of different things but they think in a different way or behave in a different way So like for example when I went to Japan first I thought it was going to be a big shock but when I arrived, I felt fine, I felt totally comfortable. In fact it was easier to live there because they have like more convenient shops and it just seems to be a bit easier, really, except for the language barrier. But then slowly you start to pick up on differences and you have some experiences that make you feel like, you know, understand what’s going on in this country and you start to realize the deeper stranger things about it. And all of the differences in culture between different countries is just based on various old traditions or principles about, you know, the way you interact with other people, that will make you behave that way. So the key thing to remember with culture shock is that whenever you go to another culture you should just be very patient and just accept the way that people behave differently because there is a reason for that, you know? Like, you know, there will be some old historical reason for why people behave in a different way.That doesn’t mean that they re doing it wrong. They’re just doing it differently. So I guess, culture shock is something that people experience sometimes when they come to London . I mean there are very strange things that they don’t understand like the fact we have two taps in the bathroom. I don’t know if you know what taps are. They are the things that you turn on and you turn off in order to get water from you bath or from your sink. And in England it’s very common to have two taps. A hot tap and a cold tap but many people from other countries seem to have a one tap which you can use to control the water and the temperature but in England we have two separate taps and a lot of people find it very strange like the fact they don’t know how to wash their hands because they turn on the hot tap and then it gets too hot and then th
ey have to turn on the cold tap as well and you kind of go between the cold and hot taps when you’re washing your hands. It’s a bit of ridiculous, but that’s just something about England. The fact is we value traditional things like our bathroom fittings. We like them to look old fashioned because we think that’s good. We like the traditional style. We think it looks expensive and good quality and so as a result our bathroom might look a bit traditional and you might have two taps rather than one modern style tap. And that’s typical about England. Another thing is that windows in buildings are not very good. They’re quite old here in London and a lot of my students complain that it’s cold in their room. But the windows they have in their house are often very very old windows from the victorian period. These old wooden windows and the fact is, they don’t really insulate your room. A lot of cold air comes through the windows. They are very bad for that. So it is cold but if you’re buying a house here in London and it’s got those old wooden windows then, you know, it makes it much nicer. In fact a house with old wooden windows would be more expensive than a house with modern windows because we really value the fact that there’re original victorian oak windows. Even though they don’t really work, they don’t even really do their job of insulating a house. They’re still valuable because of the tradition and the fact that they are kind of antique. So that’s just an interesting idea about culture here in England. The fact that we do value traditional things. We’re also very progressive in other areas but a lot of the time in terms of style we quite like the old stuff, I think. Although, you know modern styles are equally popular as well. Right, you know what I’m gonna do now? I’ll open the idioms dictionary randomly, okay? Okay, I’ve just opened it and I’ve got to the word say. That’s s a y and I think I’m just gonna teach you some idioms from this book here. Say, s a y , right? So these are all expressions that you can use with the word SAY. So let’s see. You can say: have you say. To have your say. You might get for example on a radio show where they are discussing news stories. The radio presenter might say, if you would like to have your say then just give us a call on 0208 998 4234, you know and that means to give your opinion, right? To give your opinion about something, right? So if you wanna give your opinion you can have your say, right? So on a radio show, you can call in and have your say about one of the new stories, okay? Another one is : to have nothing to say for yourself. To have nothing to say for yourself, that just means that, you know, you’re boring really. You don’t have really anything interesting to talk about.You know, you got nothing to say for yourself.You know, it just means that you’re not really good at having a conversation. You know, you might say, oh, she seems very nice but she doesn’t have much to say for herself. So for the pronunciation, let’s say that again. She doesn’t have much to say for herself – she doesn’t have much to say for herself – she doesn’t have much to say for herself, right? So that means you know, she doesn’t have anything to say , she’s quite boring. Yah and let’s see. If you’re giving an opinion and you want to emphasize it, you can say, well, I must say, well, I must say, and you can use that to emphasize an opinion. For example, well I must say, that’s the funniest thing I have heard all week. Well I must say, that’s the funniest thing I have heard all week. So you’re emphasizing. Wow, that really is the funniest thing I’ve heard all week. Let’s see. Another one would be: I wouldn’t say no or I wouldn’t say no to that and it’s used to say that you would like to do something or you would like to accept an offer. So if someone says to you, would you like some tea? You say, well, I wouldn’t say no and that means yes., right? Well, I wouldn’t say no, yeah? So, would you like some tea Luke? Oh well, I wouldn’t say no, okay? Well, I wouldn’t say no – well, I wouldn’t say no – well, I wouldn’t say no. Okay, alright next one is: let us say or let’s say, okay? Let’s say. And you can use that to kind of make a suggestion or give an example. For example, well, I can let you buy the TV for, well, let’s say 100 pounds. Okay? I’ll let you buy the TV for well, let’s say 100 pounds, okay? Let’s see. Next one is: say cheese, say cheese, cheese, right? Like you know, like the food that mice like to eat. cheese. We use that when you ask everybody to smile before you take their photograph. So just before you take a photograh you’d say. Right, is everybody ready? Right? Say cheese! In some countries they say “patatas”, I think in Spain, I think it’s “patatas”, which means potatoes I think and in another country, I’m sure you say, I think in Japan sometimes they say cheesu – cheesu which is kind of like cheese but in a Japanese accent , cheeesu. A bit like that. I think, I’m sure they’ve got something else that they say. They certainly put their two fingers up in a V sign. Whenever you point a camera, at a Japanese person, their hand always comes up with a V sign to, you know, Peace. You know, that’s cool, that’s really cool. It’s amazing how every Japanese person, I have ever met, if I showed them a camera, BANG, the hand up with the V sign, Peace, like that. It’s cool you know, like Japanese people obviously really like Peace and that’s good. That’s a good thing, right? Let’s see, okay. We’ve got another: say what? Say what? Say What?, which is an American expression. So you have to do it in an American accent, say wwwhat?, and that’s say wwwhat? Say what?, so you use that to express great surprise on what someone has just said. So, for example, he is getting married? Say what? Another one is : say when. Say when, okay? That’s like when, you know, when did you go to the moon? for example, when. Right, say when. And we use that when you want someone to stop pouring a drink, you know, like for example, if they’re pouring you a cup of tea and you don’t want to give you anymore, so you want to say stop but what happens is when you pour a drink for someone, you say, say when! Meaning when would you like me to stop. So, say when and often the other person will go, when, like that, to tell you when to stop pouring. So, would you like some tea? Oh yes, please. *TEA POURING SOUND EFFECT* Say when? Like that ,okay? Let’s see: to say the least. To say the least, to say the least and we use that to say, that you’re using the least strong way of saying something. So for example, you would say, I’m not very happy with this work, to say the least, which means I’m, the least thing I feel is I’m not very happy about it. So actually, what he really means, he’s really, really unhappy with his work. I’m not very happy with this work to say the least. That means, he’s actually kind of, to say the least is used to describe the fact that you’re actually feeling a lot more angry about it, you know? To say the least. Let’s see, okay: you can say that again. This is a, I love this expression. You can say that again. I think it’s just such a brilliant expression. Basically you can use that when you really agree with someone, like really strongly agree with them. So it means, I agree completely and I already know that, right? So like, you know, if you just really wanna agree with someone. So someone might say, oh, she is the most boring person, I’ve ever met. Right, she is the most boring person, I’ve ever met. Well, you can say that again!, Yeah, you can say that again., Yeah, so you’re inviting the person to say it again because you really agree with it. Well you can say that again. So you can say that again – you can say that again – you can say that again, alright? And here’s another good one: you don’t say. Oh, you don’t say, right? And that’s a like an ironic, kind of sarcastic way of doing. So you have to be very sarcastic when you speak. Oh, you don’t say, like that and it’s used to express, it’s used to express surprise, hum? Okay, alright, I think you use, oh you don’t say to mean, when someone has said something very very
obvious, right, they’d just said something really really obvious, so, it would be, well, next year is gonna be 2012! Oh yeah, you don’t say. No, it’s kind of a bad example. Let’s see, let’s see, well, he’s gonna be really drunk if he keeps drinking that stuff. You don’t say. This is strange, you don’t say? I think, it’s just, it’s like a way of saying, yeah, absolutely, oh, yeah. Actually, wait a minute, I think I (___) wrong. Let me just think about this. Yeah, you don’t say. Funny, you know what? You know when you kind of like repeat an expression or a word over and over and over again. It just stops meaning anything. Well, that’s happened to me now with this expression, you don’t say. It’ doesn’t mean anything to me now. I’ve completely forgotten what this expression means. (___) help me? (___) help me out please? What does, you don’t say mean? I’ve completely forgotten! Right, hold on. Get it together. Just get my mind together here. You don’t say. Yeah, I’ll go with my original explanation. You don’t say is a way, sort of ironically saying, yeah, that’s obvious, you know. You didn’t need to say that. Of course, that ‘s obvious! So, you would say, well I bet that’s the Queen’s rich. Yeah, you don’t say. So it’s kind of a way of stating that something is obvious, you know in a kind of ironic, sarcastic way. You don’t say, yeah, you don’t say, like that… Yeah okay, that’s it for the idioms and I think that’s about it for this podcast. That pretty much wraps this up. Actually I wonder if there ‘s something I can play to you. I might find an interesting bit of audio which that you can listen to as a bit of fun. I’m gonna think about that but for the meantime it’s goodbye for now. Okay, I found something for you to listen to. I’m gonna to play you a piece of audio from a television program which was on TV here in the UK a few years ago and basically it’s a kind of News program but it’s not a serious News program. It’s a kind of a joke News program, right? It’s like a spoof of a News show and in this program basically, it looks like the News, it’s sounds like the News, but they have stories on there and the whole thing is actually a bit of a joke and they twist some things to make them funny, okay? So what you’re gonna listen to here is a news reader interviewing a woman about some charity work which she has been doing. Now, the situation is basically, the woman has come into this studio to talk about this charity work. Apparently she has been organizing a jam festival. So, you know, jam is like that staff that is made from fruit and you spread it on your toast in the morning like strawberry jam. So, she is talking about the fact, she organized a jam festival and she raised some money and she used some celebrities in her jam festival. All to raise money for charity but the interviewer is not very impressed by how much money she has made. She has only made a few thousand pounds and so he is very sort of surprised. Only a thousand pounds, that’s ridiculous, that’s pathetic. That’s a pathetic amount of money and he says to her: ” You could have raised more money by auctioning dogs”, right? Now, to auction is to sell something when people bid a price for something. So, for example you get a big room, an auction room. One person is stand of the front and say, okay so I have this old antique chair. Can we start the bidding please at five hundred pounds. And then people kind of go, 550 got so, 550, so I see 600. 600 to the man in the blue shirt, so I see 650. 650 pounds. 650 pounds to the man with the newspaper and it’s sold for 650 pounds. You know, that kind of, that’s an auction. So he is saying , he raised only a few hundred pounds for a jam festival. That’s pathetic. You could have raised more money by auctioning dogs. So basically, he is very kind of rude to her but he is very funny. Just because it sounds like the News and then he kind of changes it and it becomes ridiculous. So, I hope you enjoy it. The show is called ” The Day Today” and it’s fantastic. Thanks a lot for listening. Bye, bye bye, bye, bye…

63. German and British Cultural Identity – Paco Erhard interview part 2

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This is the continuation of my interview with the German comedian Paco Erhard in which we talk about British and German cultural identity.

Right-click here to download this episode.
Visit Paco’s website here: www.germancomedy.com/www.pacoerhard.com

Paco is a great comedian who is doing very interesting work related to cross-cultural understanding. Do check out his show if you get the chance!

Here are the details of Paco’s Brighton and Edinburgh shows which you must check out!

Brighton Fringe Festival:

9.05., 10.05., 11.05., 16.05., 18.05.2011 – 7.45pm – The Hobgoblin

Edinburgh Fringe Festival:

05.08. – 28.08.2011 – 6pm – Three Sisters / Gothic Room

If you have any questions, please feel free to email me: luketeacher@hotmail.com

Cheers!

Luke

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Luke’s ENGLISH Podcast

Learn British English with Luke Thompson

Category Archives: Learning

146. Nightmare Teaching Experiences (Part 2)

140. Ghost Stories – True Tales of Really Creepy Experiences

The Japanese running tap

The bouncing ball

Frozen in bed and the weird clock

The Lapworth Walk

126. Your Emails, Comments and Questions

103. The Queen and The Royal Family

84. Luke’s English Braincast (with James)

83. How to Swear in British English – VERY RUDE CONTENT (with James)

Introduction

VOCABULARY

VIDEOS

70. Language and Music (with Francis Duncan)

69. Common Errors / Typical Mistakes (and their corrections)

66. Top Advice for Learning English / Idioms with ‘say’ / Culture Shock

The Japanese running tap

The bouncing ball

Frozen in bed and the weird clock

The Lapworth Walk

Introduction

VOCABULARY

VIDEOS

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