Category Archives: Entertainment

197. World Cup 2014 (Part 6: Final Comments)

Here is the final podcast about football, in which I read out your comments from the World Cup forum thread on teacherluke.co.uk. Comments written in the forum have been corrected by me and now I am going to read them out to you. I will also respond to some of the things listeners have said. I hope you can tell when it’s me giving my opinion and when it’s the comments of a listener. Leave your comments below as usual!

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This is perhaps the longest ever episode of the podcast! I suggest you listen to it in stages ;) By the way, this episode took me about 4 hours to prepare. At least 1 hour to correct and edit the comments, 1hr40mins for the actual recording, and over 1 hour for editing, encoding & uploading the episode. Do consider making a donation for my time.

The World Cup is now over. Germany are the winners for the fourth time. It’s a victory for Europe for the first time in South America. Argentina played really well but ultimately they couldn’t overcome the incredible teamwork, energy, determination and skill of the Germans. Germany have truly been amazing in this tournament and they deserve to be World Champions.

All in all, I’ve massively enjoyed this World Cup. Speaking only of football and atmosphere in the stadiums, Brazil have been great hosts. It’s clear how passionate people get, not only in Brazil but also in America in general. That has resulted in a very dramatic tournament, full of stories and interesting moments. Off the pitch, there is still the controversy hanging over the competition, with plenty of questions being asked about the decisions to spend millions of dollars on developing the stadiums without giving enough money back to the host community in Brazil, which needs investment. Brazil looked brilliant int he competition, with lots of pictures and footage of Brazil’s landmarks, features about Brazil’s culture and the friendliness of the people. Generally, I think the country looked great and I’m sure that’s going to help with tourist revenue and so on. I really hope that the Brazilian people feel the benefit of hosting a great World Cup.

For context, this thread was open in the middle of the quarter final round, before we knew exactly who would be in the semi-finals, before the shocking 7-1 defeat of Brazil by Germany, and before the intense final which Germany ultimately won, allowing them to lift the trophy for the fourth time. Watch out Brazil – Germany could equal your World Cup winning record soon!

So, here are your comments. As ever, it’s great to be able to read out your contributions and I hope you all enjoy listening to messages from around the world. You can read all these (corrected) comments on teacherluke.co.uk. Just find the page for this episode. You can read phrases there and pick them up. In fact, there are a number of great phrases in this episode – either related to football, or phrases you can also use to talk about other things. Why don’t you listen, read and try to pick out some good phrases and expressions as you come across them?

My Original Comment
The new World Cup thread is now open!
Leave your comments about the World Cup here and I will read them out in a podcast episode.
Here are some questions for you to consider:
1. Which team do you think will win?
2. Who is the star of the World Cup so far?
3. What has surprised you the most in this competition?
4. What are some of the best moments so far?
5. What are the worst things about this World Cup in your opinion?
6. Any other comments?

Elena Nedyalkova
“If Italy wins the World Cup – free pizza
If Germany wins the World Cup – free beer
If Netherlands wins the World Cup – free weed
GO COLOMBIA!!! ” :)))))
June 30, 2014 at 11:56 am #6883

Zdenek
Hello Luke,
I have been enjoying the world cup. Some matches have really surpassed all my expectations. It is really exciting to see Latin American teams go crazy when they win or lose. It is always so emotional. Football is a beautiful game indeed.
1. Which team do you think will win?
Like I said in the first thread, I still think Argentina and Holland are strong favourites. I’m not going to write off Germany and Brazil because they both might get very far. On the other hand, I don’t think France will get too far. With a bit of luck they will get knocked out by Nigeria.  I’m now most definitelly rooting for Costa Rica. It’s so spectacular that a small nation like that can beat big football nations just because they stick to good tactics and give it everything on the pitch. The Costa Ricans work their socks off in every game. They truly have won my supporter’s heart.
2. Who is the star of the World Cup so far?  Number one star so far is James Rodriguez from Colombia. He has scored 5 goals in 4 matches already and the one against Uruguay was one of the best goals I have ever seen. Other stars are Roben from Holland (despite his diving), Neymar from Brazil (despite his diving and ridilous penalty style). I also think that stars don’t always win matches (and neither do moons). The team spirit is more important. A balanced team like Germany might well go all the way.
3. What has surprised you the most in this competition?  I am sorry Luke but it is definitelly the fiasco of England, as well as Italy and Spain.  Another thing that struck me is how strong all the team from both American continents are. Even the USA. I have to aplogize to all Americans. I said previously that they cannot play football or soccer or whatever. Well, turns out they can. Tactically, they have been very good so far. I wonder how much it is due to Jurgen Klinsmann. He seems to to have played a major role in this US team renaissance.
4. What are some of the best moments so far?  Loads of amazing goals and good shots into the woodwork. I most enjoyed some of the long range goals like the Rodríguez one. And generally the fact that so many goals have been scored up to now. Defensive football is on they wane, hopefully.
5. What are the worst things about this World Cup in your opinion?  It has to be the Suarez bite. It’s a shame that one of the best players in the world cup, the one who alone managed to send the England national team home, does something indecent and inhumane like that. It’s the third time he has done this in his career.  Yet, ironically I feel sorry for him. The suspension is a massive loss for the tournament itself and the major reason Uruguay didn’t stand a chance against Colombia. Clearly he just can’t control his emotions, or you think he might really be a vampire? And why on earth did he hold his teeth like that right after the incident? Like they hurt or something? I mean, if you are a vampire, you might as well do your business in a professional manner.  I will repeat myself but I can’t help not include the diving phenomoneon among my worst momnents so far. I am absolutely fed up with with all the divers. I mean, come on guys, why don’t you take your bloody snorkels, flippers or fins or whatchamacallit and go diving in your natural habitat, to the sea or lake? Like I said in my previous contribution, divers such as Roben or Suarez are just a disgrace to football. And I reckon we are going to see more of this.
6. Any other comments?  Luke, could you please stop justifying that you do so many episodes about football? A, it is “way above justifiable”, you are English and you love football and most of the planet loves it. B, Your listeners will be happy whatever you say on the podcast and C, I am sure that your football episodes will defnitely attract more and more listeners.  Let’s all enjoy the rest of the tournament.  I’m already excited about today’s games.
Zdenek (Czech Republic)
June 30, 2014 at 4:37 pm #6894

Robert Strzelecki
Hi Luke!  I come from Poland. My country unfortunately did not qualify for the World Cup, so I had to choose another country to support. I really like watching Germany. They always are determined and focused on their aim.
1. Which team do you think will win?
Before the World CUp I had four favourites: Brazil, Germany, Uruguay and Argentina. I predicted Spain would not play well because of being burnt out (Spain has won everything recently). I thought that teams from South America would have a big advantage because of the climate. My prediction was right. From South America only Ecuador did not qualify. From Europe Only 6 of 13 teams qualified for the last 16. Now I think that the main favourite is Germany. Germany plays very well and I predict the most important match for Germany would be with Brazil in the semi-final. The second semi final I think will be between Argentina and Netherlands but it’s really difficult to say who will win.
2. Who is the star of the World Cup so far?  I think one of the stars is Joel Campbell from Costa Rica. He was from me completely unknown before the World Cup. But He showed that he can play football. Even Arsene Wenger said He wants him to come back to Arsenal from Piraeus.  Second is the Mexico goalkeeper: Guilllermo Ochoa. He had a few fantastic saves. He was like a wall against Brazil. I am sure that he would not have any problems to find a new club.
3. What has surprised you the most in this competition? The first thing is unfortunately the referees` mistakes. They have made a lot of obvious mistakes: a penalty to brazil, offside to Bosnia & Herzegovina, non given penalty to Netherlands and when Robben was not fouled the referee gave a penalty.  I have to admit that the best referee so far is Howard Webb even though my country was cheated by him during European Championship in Austria and Switzerland. When he gave an absurd penalty in 90 minutes against Poland.  Webb did not make any mistakes in the match between Brazil and Chile, although He had some difficult decisions to make.  I was suprised positively by: Costa Rica, Algiera, Chile and Iran. I was so disappointed after the Brazil and Chile match. Chile played amazingly. They did not calculate, they were not afraid of Brazil. They thought only about winning.
4. What are some of the best moments so far? It’s hard to say one the best moment of World Cup. The whole World Cup is amazing. Almost all the matches were fantastic.
5. What are the worst things about this World Cup in your opinion?
I think that first is Cameroon`s attitite to the World CUp. They wanted to play for their country only for money. When somebody is called up, He should not think about money, sb should think about how to win.  Second is definitely Suarez but I think that FIFA gave him too strict a punishment. He should have been fined 2 months without football. 4 months is too long.
June 30, 2014 at 4:49 pm #6895

Andrus Rosenfeld
Hi Luke,  the World Cup has been amazingly good and entertaining so far. We have seen many nice goals (and yes Luke,girls too),lots of colourful fans and some episodes of cannibalism as a cherry on top. I really like this bloke Suarez..he’s got great teeth and besides this biting fetish he’s been able to play football too.
Of course,sorry about the Three Lions fiasco Luke. There’s always next time for England…
1. Which team do you think will win?  I still believe that Germany will go all the way,but Brasil and Netherlands  look strong too. And who knows, maybe Costa Rica will blow a surprise bomb this year.
2. Who is the star of the World Cup so far?  In my previous post I guessed that the star of the world cup would be van Persie, but now I’m not so sure about that anymore. As Zdenek mentioned in his post, James Rodriguez has played brilliant football and scored one really stunning goal. And he is so young, 22 years old only… great future ahead of him I hope.
3. What has surprised you the most in this competition?  There have been lots of surprises in this tournament. The biggest one in my opinion is Costa Rican success so far.
4. What are some of the best moments so far?   Best moments…hmmm…I think that will be the first goal van Persie scored against Spain – an impressive diving header. That was really beautiful.
5. What are the worst things about this World Cup in your opinion?   There aren’t many of them. In some games the referees acted weirdly, especially in yesterdays game Netherlands vs Mexico, where the referee gave a penalty after Robben’s five-star diving performance. But overall, I’m happy.
6. Any other comments?  In one of your World Cup episodes you told us the story of how you met Frank Lampard in the loo the other day. I experienced the same situation some time ago, not with mr Lampard of course, but my co-urinator was former Derby County and Sunderland much loved goalie and Estonian former goalkeeper Mart Poom aka Poominator. By the way, after he moved from Derby to Sunderland, he actually SCORED a last minute equaliser against his old team, Derby County on 20th of september 2003. Goalies don’t score much usually as you know… but Poominator did that. You can check this out if you like.   Enjoy the rest of the tournament everyone!

June 30, 2014 at 6:22 pm #6898

Miranda
1. Which team do you think will win? ~ Argentina
2. Who is the star of the World Cup so far? ~ James Rodriguez
3. What has surprised you the most in this competition? ~ It surprised me that teams like Spain, England, Portugal and Italy: four good teams are out.
4. What are some of the best moments so far? ~ “Robin can Fly” When the Dutch scored a stunning goal against Spain. ~ Miguel Herrera, Mexico’s coach with his emotional celebrations… Funny guy  ~ James Rodriguez of the Colombian team celebrates by salsa dancing with teammates after scoring his first goal during the 2014 FIFA World Cup.
5. What are the worst things about this World Cup in your opinion? ~ Luis Suarez and his bites.
6. Any other comments? ~ Amazing stadiums in 2014 World Cup Brazil
July 1, 2014 at 8:19 am #6899

Mohammed K.
1. Which team do you think will win?  I think Germany / the Netherlands (but I hope brazil or Argentina).
2. Who is the star of the World Cup so far?  There are more than one, but Neymar And Messy are the best in my opinion .
3. What has surprised you the most in this competition?  Stadums in Brazil are good and more than what we expected .
4. What are some of the best moments so far?  Watching excited beautiful girls supporting their teams !!
5. What are the worst things about this World Cup in your opinion?  The worst thing is: missing great teams like Italy , Spain and England in round 16
6. Any other comments?  Could you please give us some information about football history (when it was invented and who invented it and what are the reasons behind its popularity in your opinion?  And why do you think it’s very popular in south America and Europe but less in Asia and north America? (is it a big question? )  And by the way, how can I modify my comments if I want ? Is it possible ?
July 1, 2014 at 1:53 pm #6907

Amber
Hi dear teacher Luke,  Glad we’re moving on with this kind of episode.  Wicked!
1. Which team do you think will win? - Sadly, all those I rooted for earlier lost except for Brazil and they’ve been fantastic so far, so I hope Brazil wins. Or Costa Rica.
2. Who is the star of the World Cup so far? - I don’t really see them as some sort of stars. Don’t like that term ’cause it can have negative connotations. And being referred as a ‘star’ often turns them into some arrogant prima donnas or untouchable idols who then usually get carried away with fame, money and everything, so we have divers, ‘ballet dancers’ time wasters… or even ‘Hannibal Lectors’ on the pitch and that can be pretty annoying to watch. Excellent football players who can focus on the game and do what they came for – yes. Frankly, I admire goalkeepers like Ochoa, Navas and Cesar. Also Neymar (Brazil) is great and I’d rather call those colorful fans in the stadiums ‘stars’ (in a positive way). They seem more interesting sometimes than all the divers together.
3. What has surprised you the most in this competition? - I was very surprised by some referees who appeared to be so unjust thinking we were all blind and had no clue about what a penalty is and what it’s not, what’s clear goal, foul… Com’ on people! I’m a girl and they couldn’t fool me, not to mention you men and hard core football fans who know much more.  Oh, Costa Rica also surprised me. They’re gooooood! Yeah!
4. What are some of the best moments so far? - Cracking goals by Brazilians and Costa Ricans. Plus every penalty there was so far, even the missed ones. - Slow motion parts that show funny gestures on footballers’ faces and their weird body moves. Priceless! - I found only a few of those lads there handsome and cute, but I forgot their names. Oops!  And again: BiH in World Cup 2014 for the first time ever. Ole!
5. What are the worst things about this World Cup in your opinion? - Referees made so many mistakes. Technology should be introduced so that they can’t dictate the final result. I wish I was wrong, but I’m afraid the mistakes still being made were precalculated and agreed on beforehand. At first Croatia was robbed in the first game against Brazil, Iran was robbed against Argentina, Bosnia was robbed against Nigeria, USA was robbed against Portugal… do I need to go on?! And sadly, there will be more such things that kill joy and fun. Don’t you think it is better to lose fair than win cheating?  My country’s team was disqualified unfairly by an obvious mistake by the ref. – the crystal clear goal by Edin Džeko was chalked off for offside.  Really?! Oh, leave it out, will you!  And that was, of course, just one of the horrible decisions in that game. To be honest, our coach made a few mistakes, players made a few mistakes, weather conditions were bad, BUT – that was a clear goal.  Also a goal for Nigeria is still debatable, but many people say it was actually a foul.  Later BiH won in their third match 3:1, so if that clear goal had been allowed by ref. Bosnia’d be in 1/8 and who knows what else might have happened. And that’s just one of the examples, so who wouldn’t be cheesed off after all that!?!  Anyway, chin up and move on.  One more thing, the stadiums are splendid + it all looks spectacular, but too much money has been spent on them… too much.
6. Any other comments? - About Suarez: he is a very good football player and it’s such a pity he got so low and repeated the same mistake again. No doubt he needs professional help. It’s sad. I feel for both, him and that Italian he bit. And bella Italia lost too – oh dear!  When this all ends soon I’ll go on vacation to finally REST!!! Yippeee!  Amra
Greetings from Bosnia!
July 1, 2014 at 10:15 pm #6910

Sabine
Hi Luke,
Thank you so much for reading out my comment! I really felt honoured and I couldn’t help smiling, although I was on the train again when I heard it and to the people around me I must have looked a little bit like an idiot somehow. But then I immediately got addicted to hearing you read out my comments, so here’s another one …
1. Which team do you think will win?  Basically I don’t dare to say it out loud, but as it’s, strictly speaking, not me who is actually saying it, I may be able to write it only once and as quiet as I can: us (Germany).
2. Who is the star of the World Cup so far?  I’d still vote for Guillermo Ochoa, the Mexican keeper at this point, but I totally agree with you: Rais M’Bolhi, the Algerian keeper, was brilliant, yesterday. Really impressive. The German media all idolised Maunel Neuer [pronounced “noyer”] for saving our neck yesterday, but in my opinion he played way too dangerously and had had more than just a little bit of dumb-luck that the Algerians weren’t able to take advantage of the empty goal at least once. (I’m afraid I need a little bit of language coaching here, is that right? Two “hads” and all that? And even more important: does it still sound natural that way? I wrote it intuitively and now I have no idea where to look up such a complicated sentence.)
Here’s a corrected version: he played way too dangerously and had more than just a little bit of dumb-luck in that the Algerians weren’t able to take advantage of the empty goal at least once.
3. What has surprised you the most in this competition?  Spain, England, Italy. And Joachim Löw (or as i like to call him: J-LÖ), when he selected Shkodran Mustafi for our team. Mustafi plays for Sampdoria Genua and hardly anyone in Germany knows him.
4. What are some of the best moments so far?  The Interview Per Mertesacker gave to the German media yesterday right after the Match was simply brilliant. He got really annoyed by the stupid questions the reporter was asking and he didn’t try to hide it. (You can read it here: http://www.soccerladuma.co.za/news/articles/teams/germany/per-mertesacker-relived-after-germany-beat-algeria/167744)
5. What are the worst things about this World Cup in your opinion?  As you mentioned earlier, it’s the fact that the money spent on the event is desperately needed everywhere else in Brazil. And even worse, everybody knows that FIFA are sucking out the last drop of whatever they can get from a country that’s hosting the world cup, and nobody is actually leaning up against it. Once the first game is kicked off, we all (and that includes myself as well) get hypnotised by the goings-on on the pitch and we keep losing track of what’s going on as a whole. Then FIFA pack up, literally leaving scorched earth, and take our attention with them wherever they head for and nobody cares about the social conditions in Brazil anymore after the world cup has moved elsewhere. I really hope, that the cycle can be broken someday. (Can I say it like that? I’ve looked up “Teufelskreis” – literally it would be translated to “devil’s circle” – and I found “catch-22″, “doom loop”, “vicious circle”, “break the cycle” and a few other things, but i still wonder which one might be a common expression. What’s “catch-22″ anyway?).  ,A vicious circle – that’s the best one.
6. Any other comments?  Oh yes. I almost forgot: You’ve talked a little bit about donations. And I’ve got something to say to all the LEPpers out there: I can recommend to all of you, who can afford a little donation: donate to Luke’s English Podcast! You will enjoy listening to Luke even more!
Cheers, Sabine
July 2, 2014 at 4:45 am #6911    

Klinger Wilkson
1. Which team do you think will win? Brazil !!!!!!!!!!!
3. What has surprised you the most in this competition?
the tournament is definitely full of surprises, teams that we were not expecting to be strong enough are now proving us wrong, and playing in the same level as the strongest teams, I reckon .
6. Any other comments?  I would just like to thank you, because I never had a chance before. Your podcast has been my main resource of english and has helped me a lot. when i started listening to it i was just able to understand a few words , and now I still face difficulties but I can understand most of it, and it’s a big achievement for me. I owe it to you.  Thank you very much  .
July 2, 2014 at 7:53 pm #6916

Ali
Hi Dear teacher Luke,
Brazil was about to lose the penalties against chile. I’m not their fan but  I am happy that they are still in competition. Can you imagine a world cup  without England, Italy , spain and Brazil?  I believe that a final match between Brazil and Netherlands can be  the most exciting final.
Who is The star? and what is the best moment so far?  I never forget what luis suarez did and  the scene when Chiellini (italian player) tried to show his shoulder to the  referee.  What would you do if someone bit you while playing!!??  It’s interesting that I heard he is going to play in Barcelona after 4 months!! It’s funny.  And I want to say that I am writing From Iran. I’m sure that you have never been to Iran.  I personaly have listened to all of your podcasts. We like you and respect you a lot.
Best Wishes
July 3, 2014 at 7:50 am #6921

Vaibhav
Hi Luke, I’m Vaibhav from India. You are right we are pretty bad at playing football, but we compensate that by winning the cricket world cup 2011.
1. Which team do you think will win?  I think we will see Germany vs. Netherland in final.
2. Who is the star of this world cup so far?  James Rodriguez from Colombia. He is at the top of the table for the Golden Boot Award.
3. What has surprised you the most in this competition?  When underdog teams like Costa Rica, Colombia & Belgium qualified for the quater final. I would love to see atleast one of them in semi finals.
4. What are some of the best moments so far?  Best moment will be if Luke presents the trophy to the winning team in Brazil. That will be great.
5. What are the worst things about this world cup in your opinion?  Three worst things are:  time wasting, fake injuries and putting too much pressure on players by their local media.
6. Any other comments
How is your brother James? Is he fully recovered from his shoulder injury? & Is he enjoying world cup or just stop watching it after England… Thanx Luke  Bye.
July 6, 2014 at 1:22 pm #6981

Jilmani  1.
Which team do you think will win?
Well I’m not so sure now, but I think Netherlands team will win.
2. Who is the star of the World Cup so far?  Lionel Messi .
What are the worst things about this World Cup in your opinion?  I don’t know really but I think in 2010 I was so excited for the world cup and this year it’s still not exciting. Maybe because it’s a predictable competition.
6. Any other comments?
Thank you for reading out my previous comment but I’m a girl you said “He” last episode Jilmani is my surname and my name’s JAWZA it means ‘Gemini‘ in English.
July 8, 2014 at 8:35 am #7017

Luke Thompson
Sorry Jilmani! I’ll get it right next time
July 7, 2014 at 3:20 am #6991

Mark
Hello Luke, I am originally Russian-Ukrainian from Argentina, so basically I´ve been rooting for Argentina from the start.
1. Which team do you think will win?  I´ll be happy with either Argentina, since I live here, or Germany, cuz they are amazing and I love the way they conduct and play on the pitch not to mention the fact I love this country and their language so badly. They both have the potential to win.
2. Who is the star of the World Cup so far?  James Rodriguez
3. What has surprised you the most in this competition?  The way Belgium performed (cool guys)
4. What are some of the best moments so far?  Both surprised and amused – the elimination of Spain, Italy and Portugal. Surprised because they are kinda super famous football teams, and even though I do not have anything against those countries, I was pleased to see those primadonas being out, they’re not as cool as they think they are.
5. What are the worst things about this World Cup in your opinion?  The amount of money being spent on it, the football is amazing, but not that important to be valued more than the people´s primary needs.
6. Any other comments?  Earlier this month I went to Ecuador, and an amazing thing was I noticed that the day Ecuador was playing half the country virtually didn´t work, and the day they won, it was an unofficial day off for everybody.
July 8, 2014 at 11:10 pm #7022

At this point, Germany defeated Brazil 7-1 in the semi-final.
Luke Thompson
BRAZIL 1 – 7 GERMANY
http://mashable.com/2014/07/08/brazil-germany-world-cup-loss/?utm_medium=feed&utm_source=rss
Words that come to mind:
Unprecedented
Extraordinary
Heartbreaking
Stunning
Incredible
Jaw-dropping
Impressive
Staggering

The game turned so quickly. 5 goals in about 30 minutes. Brazil collapsed after the first goal. They seemed to completely lose themselves. Mentally, they were defeated after 3 goals. Germany were excellent, and their teamwork shone brilliantly as they dismantled Brazil on the counter attack. I thought that Germany was going to keep scoring. For a moment I was concerned that there was going to be a dangerous reaction from angry supporters. In fact, so far the fans are just upset and hurt rather than enraged.
This result was a combination of a Brazilian collapse and a stunning display of teamwork by the Germans.

Brazil
This is the biggest humiliation in international football that Brazil has ever experienced. I look at images of the audience in tears; kids crying, people in floods of tears and it’s actually very moving. I can’t help feeling sorry for everyone. I realise that Brazil actually did very well to get to the semi-finals (much better than England for example) but this massive defeat, in this manner, at home – it must be terribly painful. I can’t say for sure how it feels for the Brazilians, I’m just speculating really but it seems to have been a pretty powerful blow. I’ve always admired Brazil for it’s passionate footballing spirit. It’s clear that it’s a very emotional thing for the Brazilians, so I feel the pain. This game is going to haunt Brazil for years. They’re still getting over losing the 1950 World Cup final at home. This is worse than that I think. The players may never live it down. I feel sorry for them. It’s a lot of pressure to carry on your shoulders. Thank goodness Brazil didn’t lose to a neighbouring country because that would have made it more humiliating.
What happened to the team?  First of all, it was not the strongest Brazilian team we’ve seen. Neymar is brilliant, but you need more strength in the team as a whole. After all, it is a team game. When Neymar was injured and was unable to play I think that must have been like a punch in the stomach for the other players. Then their captain Tiago Silva was not allowed to play due to receiving 2 yellow cards in the previous two games. To an extent he let the side down. The team badly missed the leadership of their captain, and the mental security of having these two key players on the pitch. This meant that they were not quite mentally prepared for the pressure of this game.  So, lesson learned: Don’t rely of individuals. The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.

Germany
This is an example of how Germany has developed a great team, and a great footballing infrastructure. What a great example of team work. They were amazing on the counter attack. Without wishing to perpetuate stereotypes, this is a perfect example of German efficiency and pragmatism. It shows that football is a team sport. The team is bigger than any individual stars. I think this team is now a formidable force, and this is modern football at its best.  The Germans in Brazil must have felt almost embarrassed or sheepish, especially the players on the pitch. The final whistle must have been a relief, in a way, because they must have felt a bit embarrassed about humiliating Brazil at home like that, although they must have been delighted too – of course. Still, they deserve the victory. They were brilliant.

On balance – Brazil, please don’t feel too bad. You’ve still won 5 World Cups. Some countries have never won, and some countries hardly ever get into the cup in the first place.  All in all, I feel sorry for the Brazilian team. Sure, they were responsible for their defeat, but I hope the country gives them a chance and doesn’t treat them too harshly. All they wanted was to bring joy to the hearts of their people, and in the end they just caused them emotional pain. Scolari will probably take responsibility for this.

On Facebook I’ve been saying “Welcome to the club” for every team that gets knocked out. “Welcome to the club” is a phrase you can use to say “me too”, especially if more than one person is involved. For example, I’ve just been told that I have to wait here for another hour before seeing the doctor – “yeah, welcome to the club. We’ve been here for an hour and a half”. In this case, it was a club of teams that had been knocked out, starting with Spain, Portugal and England. Some of the original members of this esteemed club, which grew and grew during the competition. Sorry if my comments seem flippant (which means making light of serious things, perhaps when you shouldn’t). I’m just kidding, but really – if your team has been knocked out, you are in a club of friendly people who know how you feel.

Questions
 Has Brazil’s great history has perhaps caused the Brazilians to get complacent? Has the Brazilian football bubble burst?  Who is going to win this World Cup? Can the Netherlands or Argentina stop Germany? Don’t forget about Messi!  If Argentina win this World Cup, will this make things even worse for Brazil?

July 9, 2014 at 9:41 am #7029

Mark  ADD.
Now the best moment for me is defenitally the game of Germany against Brazil, 7 goals in just a semi-finall!!! That´s impressve!!! Germany, ole, ole!!!!  July 8, 2014 at 11:47 pm #7023

Yaron
Wow! I’m over the moon! What a game!  I expected that the Germans would beat the Brazilians in the semifinal, but 5-0 at half time and 7-1 at full time… I didn’t see that coming. In addition, Klose manage to beat “Fat” Rolando’s record by scoring his 16th goal in any world cup.  I mentioned before that the Germans play as a team and not based on one or two stars… so, in this game it was clear to see. Players without an ego, a team that shares the ball and wins as a team. Well done.  So, let’s get down to business… my answers to your questions:
1. Which team do you think will win?  Germany, I hope that they mange to win the final against whomever it will be. I think they deserve it.
2. Who is the star of the World Cup so far?  The Germans as a team!  I think that football should be more about teams and less about individuals. After all, football is not tennis.
3. What has surprised you the most in this competition?  Although that there were a lot of surprising things in this world cup, I think that the most surprising thing is the fact that Spain didn’t manage to pass the group stage.
4. What are some of the best moments so far?  The first half of the Germany-Brazil semifinal match… watching a team score 5 goals in 30 minutes! It was priceless! As a fan of Germany’s national team, it was delightful!
5. What are the worst things about this World Cup in your opinion?  You talked a lot about the money spending… I agree that this subject is a bit controversial. There are lots of issues, in Brazil but all around the world as well. As a middle-east citizen, I think that there are major problems that the world needs to deal with without getting too much into politics… I don’t think that Luke’s English podcast should be the place to debate about it, at least not in this episode. [I hope the world can focus on fixing problems with similar amounts of interest and intensity as we focus on the World Cup]
6. Any other comments?  I have a question about the phrase “at the time”. In world cup thread number one, I wrote “at the time” and you corrected it to “at one time”. Generally speaking I use this phrase when I would like to refer to action that had been made in the past (more or less like “once upon a time” that used in fairy tale)  Do I use it wrongly? Is “at the time” is a phrase at all? If yes, how should I use it correctly?  Anyhow, as usual I would like to thank you a lot for teaching us English. I really appreciate the fact you do it. Yaron (Israel).
“At the time” – use this phrase when referring to a time you have already mentioned. Use “at one time” when you haven’t mentioned the past period at all – no context has been given, and there’s nothing to refer back to. “At the time” – here you’re using ‘the’ and this refers to something that’s already been stated. E.g. “Did I ever tell you about when I met David Beckham? I was living in Japan at the time.” (Here we’ve already established a past event, and ‘the’ is referring back to that)
“At one time I didn’t know anything about grammar at all, but now I know quite a lot.” (Here we use ‘one’ because it’s the first time you’re referring to a past moment, and so it’s just one of many. It’s a bit like the difference between using “a/an” and “the”)
July 9, 2014 at 12:05 am #7024

Mohammed K.
7/1  – Unbelievable !  What happened to Brazil??  I think Germany won not because they are very strong , but because Brazil were very weak, especially the defence line . I was about to cry !! It’s a shock for brazil lovers around the world !
July 9, 2014 at 9:22 am #7028

Samuel
Haya? Well. Despite being so passionate about Brazilian football I have to admit that the Germans taught us a great lesson yesterday. In addition they were relentless, organized, more focused and they definitely deserved to go through. Well done Germans! As for Brazil, the fat lady has sung, sorry.   [It’s not over until the fat lady sings] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/It_ain’t_over_till_the_fat_lady_sings This refers to stereotyped images of operas (perhaps German ones) which often culminate with a final aria by a fat female character. The opera isn’t finished until the fat lady sings. We use it in football to say “There’s still time for this game to change, so don’t count your chickens before they hatch.”
July 9, 2014 at 5:17 pm #7032

Miguel
Justice, Luke, justice. I think Germany deserve to win the World Cup, why? Because they have won because of their skills and football not because of the referees help. Anyway I’m from Mexico and we still can’t get over it, it wasn’t a penalty.   [Referring to the Robben dive & penalty against Mexico]
July 9, 2014 at 6:34 pm #7033

Amber
Hi again, That match between Brazil and Germany last night was a massacre. That HURT! Well, the Brazil team was weakened without Neymar and Silva, but the result SEVEN! : 1 was beyond my expectations. I couldn’t help not to start laughing after the third goal and the rest of the game seemed like “not suitable for children under 14″.  I must admit I feel sorry for all Brazilian fans. It looked like a living nightmare for them and sadly, so many hearts were broken last night. Also being a host and competing must have been a heavy burden to carry. I’d just say it’s football. It happens to the best, if that helps. Sorry Brazilians!  Whoever gets to play against Germany – watch out!  Luke, did you notice how their players reacted after they received that one goal, despite the result of 7:1? Like: “What?! who’s fault was it? How could we allow that? Grrrrr…”  That’s the winning mentality that many footballers lacked so far. Respect and salute! Also a lesson to other coaches about how they should prepare their teams before any game.  You wrote: “The team is bigger than any individual stars.” I was saying that before ’cause I totally agree.  I think I’ll watch the remaining games just for entertainment and good sport. And I hope nobody gets a heart attack or anything.  May the best team win.  P.S. I also thought Jilmani is HE and not SHE. Hahahaha… Hello Jilmani! Glad there are more girls on this topic! Cheers!
July 9, 2014 at 8:26 pm #7034

Yaron
More questions.. more answers:  Has Brazil’s great history perhaps caused the Brazilians to get complacent?  I don’t think it is about getting complacent, it is the about the absence of leadership. After the first goal, The Brazilians got a punch in their stomach, but they still functioned more or less, but after the second goal they totally collapsed. In my opinion, it was mainly because Neymar and/or Da Silva weren’t on the pitch. I think that absence of the talent of these players was not as important as the leadership of these players. No one in the Brazil team had faith that they could win at this point, and they were missing a leadership player that could encourage the team members (by saying stuff like that it still possible, that there still a chance to win).  Has the Brazilian football bubble burst?  No, I think that Brazil was and will be one of the top-ten teams. They have a lot of talent and a lot of passion to the game. In my opinion, if someday someone teaches them the meaning of synergy, than they will have it all (Talent, passion & team play)  Who is going to win this World Cup? Can the Netherlands or Argentina stop  Germany? Don’t forget about Messi! For sure, whoever will play against Germany in the final will be the underdog, but after all it is football, you can never know… all the options are still open. Whatever will happen, I really hope that it will be a fair game.  If Argentina win this World Cup, will this make things even worse for Brazil?  I think that the Brazilians hit rock bottom yesterday, and it can’t be worse than that. So my answer is no.  I would say at this point that I really feel sorry for the Brazilians and it really was uncomfortable watching Brazil supporters broken up as well as watching the Brazilian players cry at the end of the game.  By the way: what’s the story with all these rainy men?… football players are men, aren’t they?… is football is about diving and crying? Shouldn’t it be a tough game? Just kidding… it’s just me writing nonsense… :)  Ok, in about an half hour the next semifinal will kick off. Whatever will happen in it and whatever will happen in the finals, I remind to all of us (winner and loser): Always look at the bright side of life  Thanks again and bye bye bye bye  Yaron
July 10, 2014 at 2:36 pm #7036

Mark
In response to the utterance that Brazil got weakened without Neymar, that’s, I think, a good wake up call for them – not to put all your expectation on just one player, this is a team sport, there should be a strong team, not just one person. By the way, I wonder why your country, Luke, is represented by just England, not the UK, not the Great Britain?
July 10, 2014 at 4:46 pm #7037
[The UK is actually a union of four countries and in most sports the players represent one of those 4 countries, except in the Olympics]

Luciana
Hello teacher Luke, I’m Luciana from Brasil = )
1. Which team do you think will win? I hope Argentina. Nothing can be worse to Brasil than what happened in the semi-final. Having said that, I hope that Argentina can honour Latin America.
2. Who is the star of the World Cup so far?  Costa Rica’s team. ahahahah
5. What are the worst things about this World Cup in your opinion?  1- That it is happening here in Brasil (for the well known reasons)  2- Ronaldo as commentator (someone said that with two more remarks he will equal Pelé’s stupidity record)  3- Costa Rica’s elimination  4- Brasil fans booing the team when it’s losing.  6. Any other comments?  What I really came here to tell you is this: Do you know who is to blame for that disastrous Germany 7×1 Brasil? Mick Jagger.  Brasil losing the match is not his fault, but since I’ve seen the promotional video about Monty Phyton’s reunion, and noticed that Mick Jagger was watching a football match narrated by one of the most known (and most disliked) brasilian football narrators, Galvão Bueno, I sensed disaster… ps. Just so you know, it’s a well known fact here in Brazil that everytime Mick declares his support for Brasil, the team loses the match. He is what we call “pé-frio” (cold feet in a direct translation, someone who gives bad luck to others).
July 13, 2014 at 4:12 am #7039

jhon vidal   
hi, Luke Fluke! I remember in one of your old podcasts you mention that. Haha,  I´m just kidding!! I’d like to congratulate you on your great podcast because I’ve listened to it for 1 year and a half and it has helped me a lot. Thanks!!  Sorry for all my typing errors.  By the way I am Jhon from mexico!
1. Which team do you think will win?  obviously Germany.
2. Who is the star of the World Cup so far?  I think Mullen from Germany
3. What has surprised you the most in this competition?
Big teams have not passed next round such as a Spain, Portugal, England, Italy and  many South American teams qualified such as Costa Rica and the most recent disappointment of Brazil. Nobody expected this final result 7-1.
4. What are some of the best moments so far? Well, the most recent has been the good game of Germany because the game Holland vs Argentina for me was a little boring.
5. What are the worst things about this World Cup in your opinion?  Let me see… I think the bite of Luis Suarez, the acting or performances by Robben and the refereeing in some games.
6. Any other comments?  I hope Germany win because this is the team that I support after eliminated Mexico. It  would be nice if you did a podcast on schools in Uk because I´m interested in studying in a school in the Uk.  Also it would be good to upload videos on youtube as you did in the interviews in london.  By the way you’ve got a good sense of humor I laugh a lot with your sarcasm – hilarious!! haha  thanks for all Luke!! cheers!

July 13, 2014 at 1:17 pm #7041

evelin
Hello Luke
Unfortunately , it is time to say goodbye to World Cup 2014 , which was amazingly eventful and entertaining. Today’s final match is going to be fascinating , because in my opinion even if everybody bets on the German team, I think there is no favourite in such an important game , both teams have equal chance to win . Before the first Argentina match I was worried about their defence but now it turned out that they have probably the best defence , led by Javier “Rambo” Mascherano I can’t wait to see Leo Messi with the World Cup ! My prediction : Argentina will win in a penalty shootout.  PS . Don’t worry Brazil ! It could be worse…. actually…no it couldn’t
July 15, 2014 at 11:00 am #7043

Luke Thompson
Hello, this thread is now closed and I plan to upload a podcast with your comments in the next day or two. Thanks for commenting! If you have other comments to make, you can write in other forum threads. Cheers, Luke

195. British Comedy: Monty Python’s Flying Circus

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The series about British Comedy continues with everything you need to know about Monty Python’s Flying Circus and an analysis of The (Dead) Parrot Sketch. Right-click here to download this episode.

And now for something completely different. It’s…Monty Python’s Flying Circus

Introduction
This episode is the next in the series about British Comedy. I had to do an episode about Python. They’re such an important, popular and celebrated part of our comedy history. They’re very well rated by lots of people. Some say they’re overrated. I don’t think so. I like almost all of their comedy. They’ve been very influential on popular culture in general, but more specifically on plenty of other comedians and TV shows in the UK and in USA too (e.g. The Simpsons and South Park probably wouldn’t exist without Python). Also, this year they are in the middle of a comeback, putting on stage performances of their greatest material live at the 02 Arena in London. Live performances will be broadcast in cinemas around the world too, so check out their website for more information if you want to see it. Personally, I’d like to see the reunion tour, but I’m quite happy watching their sketches and movies on TV and listening to the records on my mp3 player as I walk around. I’m really happy to share my love of Python with you. Some of you will already be aware of them, some of you won’t. I’ve already played you some of their stuff before, including the Four Yorkshiremen, The Argument Sketch, Swamp Castle and the Silly Election. So I’m sure already pretty familiar with them. Anyway, this episode should be your go-to guide for everything you need to know about Monty Python. You can use it to make sure you are fully clued up about this essential part of modern British culture.

I could go on and on about it for ages, talking about how special their comedy is to me personally (and plenty of other people) but instead I think it’s best to go straight to their comedy and let it speak for itself. I realise that by talking about it a lot, I’m just building it up and then you’ll find it anti-climactic.

So, after I’ve explained a few things about Python, we’re also going to spend some time listening to one of their sketches. I’ll explain things so that you understand it all fully, just like a native speaker – and a native speaker who gets all the jokes. Hopefully this will just be one single episode. I’ll try and keep it brief. In a way this is one of the hardest episodes of LEP I’ve ever done because it’s hard to get across in a simple way the appeal of Monty Python. Also, I can’t choose a sketch. I like them all too much. I also realise that you might not find it funny. Never mind. The main thing is that you learn some things about culture and some language and if you find it funny that’s a bonus. SO DON’T EXPECT TO FIND ANY OF THIS FUNNY, ALRIGHT? NO FUN IN THIS EPISODE!

Everything You Need To Know about Monty Python’s Flying Circus (and perhaps some things you don’t really need to know)
Remember, this is not a blog post, it’s just some text which accompanies this audio episode. So, to get the full information you should listen to the podcast.
Who are they?
Why are they called “Monty Python’s Flying Circus”
Where did they come from?
What did they do?
What was so special about it? Why do people like it so much?
The wild, crazy & anarchic approach.
The postmodern approach – breaking all the rules.
The performances.
The writing.
The originality (although this kind of thing had been started by The Goon Show, Spike Milligan & Peter Cook)
The animations.
The level of intelligence, combined with the readiness to be completely stupid too.
What effect has their work had on culture in general?
Is their comedy still funny or relevant today?
What does their comedy tell us about the British sense of humour?
What are some of the most famous Monty Python moments?

Sketches
Let’s listen to some sketches by Python. Below is a list of some of my favourite sketches by Monty Python. You can see most of them on their YouTube channel . I strongly suggest you buy their work too. Here’s a list on Amazon of pretty much everything you can purchase by Monty Python’s Flying Circus. My favourites are the movies “Monty Python & The Holy Grail”, “Life of Brian”, “Live at the Hollywood Bowl” and the audio recording of “Live at Drury Lane”. Don’t bother with the TV show unless you’re a hardcore fan. You could just get “The Best of Monty Python’s Flying Circus” if you want to see some of their sketches. Otherwise, just check out videos from their YouTube channel here.

I will probably come back to Python sketches in the future because there’s no way I can cover everything in this episode. I’ll be lucky to get through more than 2 sketches to be honest.

PLEASE DO NOT EXPECT TO FIND ANYTHING FUNNY.

The Parrot Sketch
I can’t really explain why this is ‘funny’ – in fact many people agree that it isn’t their funniest sketch, but it’s definitely the most famous one. Most people know some lines from it. Some people know every line and can recite the entire sketch from memory. Thatcher quoted it in a speech once. Let’s listen and find out what all the fuss is about.

Script for the Parrot Sketch
MR. PRALINE
John Cleese
SHOP OWNER
Michael Palin
The sketch:

A customer enters a pet shop.

Mr. Praline: ‘Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

(The owner does not respond.)

Mr. Praline: ‘Ello, Miss?

Owner: What do you mean “miss”?

Mr. Praline: (pause)I’m sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!

Owner: We’re closin’ for lunch.

Mr. Praline: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.

Owner: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue…What’s,uh…What’s wrong with it?

Mr. Praline: I’ll tell you what’s wrong with it, my lad. ‘E’s dead, that’s what’s wrong with it!

Owner: No, no, ‘e’s uh,…he’s resting.

Mr. Praline: Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I’m looking at one right now.

Owner: No no he’s not dead, he’s, he’s restin’! Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, idn’it, ay? Beautiful plumage!

Mr. Praline: The plumage don’t enter into it. It’s stone dead.

Owner: Nononono, no, no! ‘E’s resting!

Mr. Praline: All right then, if he’s restin’, I’ll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) ‘Ello, Mister Polly Parrot! I’ve got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you show…

(owner hits the cage)

Owner: There, he moved!

Mr. Praline: No, he didn’t, that was you hitting the cage!

Owner: I never!!

Mr. Praline: Yes, you did!

Owner: I never, never did anything…

Mr. Praline: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) ‘ELLO POLLY!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o’clock alarm call!

(Takes parrot out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)

Mr. Praline: Now that’s what I call a dead parrot.

Owner: No, no…..No, ‘e’s stunned!

Mr. Praline: STUNNED?!?

Owner: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin’ up! Norwegian Blues stun easily, major.

Mr. Praline: Um…now look…now look, mate, I’ve definitely ‘ad enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not ‘alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein’ tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.

Owner: Well, he’s…he’s, ah…probably pining for the fjords.

Mr. Praline: PININ’ for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got ‘im home?

Owner: The Norwegian Blue prefers keepin’ on it’s back! Remarkable bird, id’nit, squire? Lovely plumage!

Mr. Praline: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.

(pause)

Owner: Well, o’course it was nailed there! If I hadn’t nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent ’em apart with its beak, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!

Mr. Praline: “VOOM”?!? Mate, this bird wouldn’t “voom” if you put four million volts through it! ‘E’s bleedin’ demised!

Owner: No no! ‘E’s pining!

Mr. Praline: ‘E’s not pinin’! ‘E’s passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! ‘E’s expired and gone to meet ‘is maker! ‘E’s a stiff! Bereft of life, ‘e rests in peace! If you hadn’t nailed ‘im to the perch ‘e’d be pushing up the daisies! ‘Is metabolic processes are now ‘istory! ‘E’s off the twig! ‘E’s kicked the bucket, ‘e’s shuffled off ‘is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!

(pause)

Owner: Well, I’d better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I’ve had a look ’round the back of the shop, and uh, we’re right out of parrots.

Mr. Praline: I see. I see, I get the picture.

Owner: (pause) I got a slug.

(pause)

Mr. Praline: Pray, does it talk?

Owner: Nnnnot really.

Mr. Praline: WELL IT’S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?

Owner: N-no, I guess not. (gets ashamed, looks at his feet)

Mr. Praline: Well.

(pause)

Owner: (quietly) D’you…. d’you want to come back to my place?

Mr. Praline: (looks around) Yeah, all right, sure.

Alternate ending:

Mr. Praline: (sweet as sugar) Pray, does it talk?

Owner: Nnnnot really.

Mr. Praline: WELL IT’S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?

The Dead Parrot Sketch (The Studio Version)

The Dead Parrot Sketch (Live version – funnier)

The Pythons Talk about The Dead Parrot Sketch

Margaret Thatcher does The Dead Parrot Sketch

Mick Jagger of The Rolling Stones talks about the Python reunion, saying they are… “a bunch of wrinkly old men trying to relive their youth. The best one died years ago. Maybe back in the 70s it was fantastic! But, you know, we’ve seen it all before!” Of course he is making fun of himself (the same things are true about the Stones) and yet also showing his respect for Monty Python. At the end of this sketch Mick agrees to perform The Dead Parrot Sketch in the next Rolling Stones concert.

Other Sketches That I like
Spam (This is the origin of the word spam on the internet. It’s completely farcical)
Witch Burning
The Peasants
What have the Romans ever done for us?
The Funniest Joke in the World
The Communists Quiz
The Philosopher’s Football Match
The Spanish Inquisition
The Ministry of Silly Walks
The songs!
The Lumberjack Song, The Philosopher Song, Always Look on the Bright Side of Life.
The Dirty Fork (The Restaurant Sketch)
Nudge Nudge Wink Wink
+ many more…

Terry Gilliam’s Animations

Famous American Comedians Talk About Why They Love Monty Python

Why do people like Monty Python so much? (Comments from YAHOO ANSWERS)
ORIGINAL QUESTION: Hysteria98: Why do people find Monty Python funny? The only reason I can think of why, is that its so ridiculous.
Best AnswerVoter’s Choice
It’s ridiculously funny and funnily ridiculous. It’s genius.
you have to look at it in the context of the time it was on TV for the first time- in the late 60s and early 70s nothing like it had ever been seen before- the sheer randomness was exciting as you never knew what was going to happen next. Remember there were only 2 TV channels in the UK back then, so Monty Python was hysterically fun and funny

Black Star Deceiver answered 4 years ago
Oh it’s unpredictable, so simple and yet sheer genius. The guys are legends.
Long Live the comedy of Monty Python!

Mike answered 4 years ago
Monty python has not dated at all, it was funny then and funny now, ridiculous situations are funny no matter what decade, for instance the guy who wrote the worlds funniest joke, it was so funny he died laughing at it, so the army used the joke and translated it to german to shout at the enemy, instead of shooting at them !

Alice answered 4 years ago
I can understand your question perfectly.
Its probably a generational thing.
I’ve noticed a lot of older friends of mine really love it but i just dont get where the “Funny” is…
It doesn’t even make me smile. I like comedy that examines people, their personalities and situations that they get into.

Alan Partridge
Father Ted
Peep Show

kaznaid answered 4 years ago
Sadly, I remember MP when it was first broadcast on BBC 1 in 1969. Actually, I didn’t find it very funny but I was only 12 years old.

I only started to laugh after I watched Life of Brian and Holy Grail. Some of it is very silly but, last week, I saw the Upper Class Twit Olympics on the BBC’s celebration of the programme, and I laughed so much I cried!!

So, it just shows that it obviously does not date … and it can grow on you although it did take 40 years!!!

Intrinsic Random Event answered 4 years ago
They are the Dali of comedy

legs answered 4 years ago
It was very much of its time – groundbreaking – much loved by many of my generation. I was studying for GCEs & my English teacher was a great fan as were most of his pupils. It was a must see for many of us after all we only had BBC1 & ITV, then BBC2 came along but not the multi-channel choice now available. I still laugh at the sketches & the films. I have a weird sense of humour maybe that explains why I like it!

Lexx answered 4 years ago
off the wall humour that pushes the boundaries with out resorting to sex and profanity ( well most of the time)
They pushed the limits of comedy which now has become the norm – but MP lead the way for many comedians that are amazing
Long live the Python!!

Rebecca answered 4 years ago
Because it is ridiculous. You have 2 types of people, those that find it funny because it is silly and those who cannot get past the silly to see the humor.
For example the attack rabbit “what is he going to do, nibble my bum?”

Mae answered 4 years ago
That’s the reason it’s so funny, it’s just insanely ridiculous. That kind of funny that makes your stomach hurt you’re laughing so much.

itsjustme answered 4 years ago
It was the late 60’s early 70’s and they were pushing the edge back then,therefor it was very funny.This is a funny scene and a catchy tune too.

Sniper answered 4 years ago
I didn’t think people found it funny at all o_O

MrMunchy420 answered 4 years ago
Because its just brilliant in general.
Ridiculous does have a lot to do with it :P

Abolyss answered 4 years ago
that is exactly why.

Its so ridiculous its funny.
Huh? It is funny!! And it’s so random.

knownout answered 4 years ago
I don’t . Its just stupidity

The Script for the Introduction to This Podcast (Which I didn’t use – because it’s too similar to the opening of Monty Python Live at Drury Lane, and I don’t want to steal their jokes!)
Radio voice… Welcome ladies and gentlemen to this special Royal Gala edition of Luke’s English Podcast. You join us here at the Royal Albert Hall, where this podcast is being recorded with a star studded audience, including her Royal Highness The Queen.
Among the other members of this celebrity audience, we can see… err… what’s his name… umm, that guy with the glasses on TV… also in the audience this evening, um, that woman, you know, the one in the TV commercials about that thing… just arriving now, it’s… um, you know that famous guy who is always in the newspapers…
And the atmosphere here at the Albert hall, with a royal audience, is electric, as the audience finally takes their seats to witness the recording of this extra special episode on British comedy legends, Monty Python’s Flying Circus. Unfortunately, none of the original pythons are present this evening, for legal reasons, but their spirit is very much with us… unless someone has just farted… Yes I think that’s it actually. And the lights now dim in the auditorium as Mr Luke Thompson of Solihull, takes the stage to begin the recording of this Royal podcast episode.
Good evening (cheering)
And I would especially like to welcome Her Royal Highness, it is indeed a great pleasure to have you here this evening. How’s it going? Sorry, I can’t hear you… I SAID HOW’S IT GOING LIZ??? Oh sorry…
Anyway, we are here today in order to pay tribute to the work of the comedy group known as Monty Python’s Flying Circus. (disappointment)
You did know that didn’t you?
You didn’t?
Wait, don’t leave… it’s interesting, I promise!
Wait…
Your majesty!
Everybody, this is going to be a really good podcast! Wait!
(Voice over) and as everybody leaves the auditorium, Luke has no choice but to continue the recording for our benefit…

Monty Python Live at Drury Lane

187. World Cup 2014 (Part 1: The Basic Guide)

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Lots of people want me to talk about the World Cup, so here we go! This is the first in a series of episodes about World Cup 2014. We start with a general look at the tournament, the groups and the teams. Consider this to be your basic guide to World Cup 2014. Right-click here to download this episode.

I have been preparing podcasts on other things lately but that must stop because nothing else can happen at this moment – why? Because it’s the World Cup. You may have noticed. I think there is a law going round that 75% of anything must be about the world cup. That’s conversations, television, radio, newspaper articles, commercials, food, pets, weather, geography, elephants, whatever. It has to be connected to the World Cup in some way. It’s just an unwritten global law. If I talk about anything else on the podcast at this time, there’s a danger it will go in one ear and out of the other, there is only The World Cup! So, it has to be dealt with. So LET’S DO THIS. Let’s talk about THE WORLD CUP!

Don’t think that I’m reluctant to talk about it. I’m not. I love football. I really love the World Cup – well, most of it. There are some things that I don’t like about it, and we’ll come to that stuff later. I’m not reluctant to talk about it by any means, it’s just that it’s a pretty massive topic and I’ve been wondering how to cover it properly. I’ve decided that I’ll just ramble on about it and do my best to make it accurate and well-informed. Please be aware that I’m an English-teacher-podcaster-comedian-musician but not necessarily an expert on the world of international football, but I will do my best to talk about football with the level of knowledge and expertise that you might expect from most ordinary people in the UK. I have a normal level of knowledge of this subject. So, it’s a bit like talking to a guy in a pub about it, or chatting to a guy who you know at work or school, just like the sort of conversation you’re likely to have in the real world. It’s pretty rare that you get to talk to a football journalist isn’t it? Yes it is, unless you’re married to one or something.

Other World Cup podcasts you could listen to:
The Guardian Football Weekly Podcast (Very in-depth and well-made, but not produced with learners of English in mind.)
Languagecaster.com Lots of stuff about learning English via football here, including some podcasts. Have a look.
British Council Premier Skills English. Loads of resources to learn English associated with football.
Luke’s English Podcast – English Premier League Football.
Future episodes of LEP. I expect I’ll be talking more about the World Cup in the next couple of weeks, and this episode might be separated into several parts. Also, I’ll make a podcast with your comments too.

If you’re not a football fan, well, in this episode you’ll have to just enjoy the words that are coming out of my mouth, without getting too carried away by the general subject matter. I will be looking at both sides in this podcast, and there will be some general criticism of football and the World Cup later on in this episode (or in part 2 if it’s necessary to divide it into two).

It’s one week into the competition. I’m going to talk about how it’s going so far. It’s hard to make any big statements at this moment, because it could all change. By the time you listen to it, everything could be different. I realise that. Anyway, let’s talk football.

Here’s what I’m going to deal with in this episode. I’m planning another one very soon in which I will respond to comments which some of you have left in my forum. You can read that forum thread by clicking here: Luke’s World Cup Comments Forum Thread.

Contents
1. What does the World Cup mean to me?
2. What’s the situation at this time? Who looks strong? What’s going on? The Basic Guide to World Cup 2014.
3. Focus on England
4. Changes to the rules
5. The dark side of the World Cup
6. A brief History of The World Cup

1. What does the World Cup mean to me?
It’s an international celebration. It’s great fun to get caught up in the excitement. It brings people together. It’s a time when we forget our differences and let problems get settled on the football pitch. It’s also nice to see all the hot girls from around the world on TV sometimes. On the more serious side, the World Cup is becoming more and more controversial, basically because of FIFA and the allegations of corruption, and the civil unrest in Brazil around their hosting of the competition. More on that later. Right now, let’s focus on the football, and leave the politics until later.
My world cup story.
Meeting Rai de Oliveira. (Name dropping) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ra%C3%AD

2. Who looks like they could win at this stage?
Let’s look at the groups. To help me here, I am quoting from a very useful article on Slate.com called “How to Fake Your Way Through the Tournament Like a Champ”, which is a kind of dummy’s guide to The World Cup 2014. If you don’t know a lot about the World Cup, this might help you. Since the article was written, some things have changed, and are still changing now as games are being played every day, but it will give you a good idea of the context at this stage.

Now listen to part 2 of this World Cup episode!

185. The Trip to New York

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As promised, here is a description of my holiday in The Big Apple! In this episode I tell you what I did, what I saw and what it was like for me. You can read some vocabulary in the notes (not necessarily full sentences) that I’ve added below. There’s a slideshow of photos at the bottom if you fancy looking at that.

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Ambient music in the background – Bloom app by Brian Eno
This is an experiment to see how it sounds and how it affects the episode. I put music on in the background from time to time just to give episodes another element. This might make you fall asleep! I hope not. Well, if you do fall asleep we can blame the music and not me! The music is made using an app developed by Brian Eno. It’s a really clever app that allows you to compose ambient music that slowly loops and evolves over time.

Holiday Stories
People’s holiday stories can be boring, especially if they go to the beach.
People sometimes bore you with holiday photos, or even worse a long video of their holiday.

I certainly hope that this episode holds your attention. It should, because NYC is a very vibrant and interesting place and there are lots of things to say about it. You’ll also hear me using all kinds of phrases and vocabulary during the episode – the sort of language that is used to describe a holiday or a trip, or language for describing places and experiences, although I have not formally planned to teach you any specific items of vocabulary, we’ll just see what comes up.

So, let’s start.
I went in April, and that’s about 6 weeks ago. It’s still pretty fresh in my memory.

Times Square

Context: I’ve lived in a few cities. London, Yokohama/Tokyo, Paris, Liverpool. I’ve also visited quite a few other cities, like Berlin, Barcelona, Milan, Rome, Oslo, Ho Chi Min City and others. Each city has its own unique atmosphere, story and appeal. New York though seems to be like the king of cities. I’ve never been to Moscow, Sao Paolo, Madrid, Prague, Seoul (except the airport) or many many other places. One day I would love to go. New York sticks in my imagination as the king of cities though. Perhaps it just has the best marketing – with all the movies and so on. But overall, New York seems to be the best example of a modern metropolis – a super-city.

Also, there are different levels of experience you can have when you visit a place. If you’ve lived there all your life, you’ll know one version of it. If you are a permanent resident, but you’ve lived in other places, you’ll have a different perspective, and if you’re just visiting as a tourist you’ll have another vision. As a tourist I realise I’m just scraping the surface really. The reality of living there must be quite different. I expect it can be a tough place to live just like anywhere else. NYC is know for being quite a stressful place for its residents, with the stereotype of the impatient New Yorkers who rush around, shouting “I’m walking here!” or desperately trying to get a cab, or arguing with someone in the street. Also, New York must hold lots of secrets for the people who know it well. The best places to go, the best food joints, the shortcuts though the streets, and the little tricks that you pick up regarding how to get by in the city. For example, in London you learn fairly quickly that you’re expected to do things in a certain way. Queueing etiquette, how to book a table, areas in town that you should avoid at certain times. So, as a tourist I was just scratching the surface. But NYC has a lot to offer to everyone – either permanent residents or temporary visitors. It’s a vast, sprawling place which has many faces. It’s pretty clear by now that I loved it and I think it’s incredible.

How does New York compare to the USA as a whole.

Why New York? Why not one of the other wonderful places in the world?

The flights
The in-flight entertainment
What it’s like being on a plane for about 7 hours. What are the difficulties and what are the joys?
I pissed off a stewardess and she ignored me forever after that.
They’re not so much there to serve you, but to dictate to you what you must do. She felt like Nurse Ratchet.
“I need you to turn that off for me please”
In-flight entertainment – Walther Mitty, All Is Lost – made me cry. Why do we get more emotional when we’re in the air?
Best and worst places to sit?
Fears about landings and take-offs?
Jerry Seinfeld – Airports & Flying (Seinfeld is the king of observational comedy and this is a classic routine about airports & flying.)

Arriving in America
Views of cars from the air. Big American cars.
Immigration – long queue, quite strict staff (I need you to turn off that cell phone! – Sir! Put the cell phone away! I’m turning it off. You don’t need to turn it off, just put it in your paaackit. etc)
Made jokes with the immigration officer guy. “Is he with you?” “No” Do you have children sir. “Not as far as I know” “Now would be a weird time to find out”…
Arriving in the airport – the first thing that hit us – the smell of french fries, and ketchup. That was the first smell. We took the train – quite loud and aggressive announcements to put bags up, but we couldn’t.
People were immediately friendly and helpful.
We got off at the wrong stop and ended up in New Jersey.
Arrived in Penn station finally – in the middle of Manhattan. Classic New York. Big buildings, yellow cabs, Madison Square Garden. Lots of people.
Everything is BIG!
Buildings, cars and PEOPLE.
Some people seem to be kind of square in shape.
Some classic NYC accents – train staff, police officers, a girl who helped us buy train tickets.
Cab ride to our neighbourhood. Looking out the window at the skyscrapers.
TV in the back of the cab.
Dropped off in our neighbourhood – lower East side. Clinton Street.
Quite downmarket & a bit rough, but very cool and hip. It felt safe, and very trendy. Organic cafes serving bagels and good coffee.
It felt like 100 movies and TV shows.
We were pretty knackered when we arrived.
We unpacked and then discovered the area a bit.

Katz Deli
The first thing we did was go to a place called Katz Delicatessen, which is a famous place for several reasons. 1. It has featured in a few films, notably “When Harry Met Sally”. 2. The food is amazing, particularly the pastrami sandwich. Massive amounts, really delicious. Just what the doctor ordered.
The place was amazing. Super friendly service. Full of locals.

Brooklyn
Sesame Street vibe.
Flea market.
Buildings.
Brownstones. Stoops.
Cops taping off an area with yellow police lines. NYPD Blue?
Ate lunch on steps listening to soulful house music blaring out of a speaker in the market, while a bearded hipster mended fixie bikes and mixed-race families let their kids run around and dance to the music. It was cool and hipsterish, but really it was a good atmosphere with a community spirit.
It reminded me of London – but a massive London on steroids.
Some areas were similar. Brooklyn felt a bit like South London, or the trendy parts of East London. Soho felt exactly like Soho, but massive. Times Square was like Leicester Square/Piccadilly Circus, but much bigger. Parts of Broadway felt like Oxford Street, but, yes, much bigger.
Everything is bigger – have I already said that?
Food portions & drinks – which is convenient because you can always order the small size.
Drink bottles are about 25% bigger than back home.
We walked back from Brooklyn to Manhattan via Williamsburg, which is a super-cool area full of very trendy people and hipster shops and cafes etc. It was very sunny and hot. On the way back we stopped near the river to rest. There was a large open area with a sports field, grass, and bars with big barbecues outside. Lots of people were drinking and eating in the sun, and there was an amazing view of the Manhattan skyline across the river in front of us.
We kept walking and came across a latin bar that was playing loud Salsa music, and loads of people were drinking and dancing outside the bar. This was just on a street corner near the Williamsburg bridge. It was about 6pm. I realised how multicultural the place is. There’s a large latin community and it’s reflected int he music. In fact, New York is famous for its diverse music. There’s the afro-American thing, the latin thing, disco and hip hop, a Caribbean influence, a jazz tradition, funk & soul music and also a folk and rock music tradition. It all combines to create a pretty brilliant melting pot. One of the cool things was to listen to music coming out of people’s cars. All of it sounded good.
The street where we stayed – cars blaring out music.
Took a taxi over Williamsburg Bridge.

Skyscraper district
The cool things about skyscrapers or big buildings that are on the skyline (and Mt Fuji in Japan) is that you see them from lots of different angles in the city. You can be walking around any part of New York and you’ll catch the Empire Stage Building or the Chrysler Building from a new angle and it immediately gives that area a kind of distinction. It happens in London now too. You can see The Shard from the north, south, east and west.
We took the subway to the central part of town and just walked around with our jaws on the floor. Amazing buildings towering above us.
I expected to see Spiderman flying between the buildings or something. We made our way to the Rockefeller Plaza and took a lift way up to the top. The Top of the Rock as it’s called. There’s an amazing view from up there. You can see the entire city and all the skyscrapers. Don’t go up the Empire State because you can’t see The Empire State Building, which is one of the coolest buildings in the city.

Shopping
I bought some shoes.
“Sneakers” as they call them in the states. In NY everyone wears sneakers.
I don’t know why they call them that.
I don’t think anyone’s using them for sneaking. (Walking quietly, like a robber)
It’s not like everyone in New York is going “Shhh! You’ve got to walk quietly! This is New York! don’t make too much noise!”
In the UK we call them “trainers”. I don’t know what I’m training for. Maybe to get some better shoes.
“Sports shoes” although I’m pretty sure I won’t be doing any sport. Probably the opposite of sport – just standing around & drinking.
Customer service culture.
Everything is massive.
Big salads.
You can just buy a small anything. Small drink, small coffee, small salad.

Metropolitan Opera House
Madame Butterfly. Amazing visuals. Beautiful opera house – art deco design. Modern, but classic. Lovely open space and some chic New Yorkers in the audience. The stage is big and it was well used in the production. It was directed by Anthony Minghella – a British director who directed The English Patient, Cold Mountain etc. His films seem to tell similar stories – lovers who are separated by large distances and who live with the impossible hope of reuniting with their lovers. Madame Butterfly tells a story like this. To be honest, I wasn’t impressed by the story, and the script was pretty awful in my opinion. Maybe it’s because it’s a translation from Italian, and because it’s opera. It’s a different medium, not like cinema. Perhaps it’s not about the script, but about the visuals, and the singing. It’s probably more impressive in Italian. Anyway, I found the script and story to be pretty cheesy, and pretty stupid in fact. I don’t mean to be a philistine or anything, but let’s have a quick look at the story. It’s mainly the characters who I don’t like, I think. I fail to see the romance in it, and instead I just see people being really irresponsible. Story…

Weather
Sunny, then snowing and freezing! (It seems that the weather is pretty variable everywhere these days)
Freezing our asses off, and hiding in a meatball bar – drinking beer and eating spaghetti & meatballs while a small storm raged outside. Bliss!

Madison Square Garden & The Basketball Game
The Chicago Bulls vs The New York Knicks.
Amazing American Entertainment. The good and the bad. The food, the constant entertainment. Is it just an excuse to eat hot dogs?

Central Park
It’s like Hyde Park really, but bigger. The combination of the skyline and the greenery is very appealing. It makes you think of all kinds of Hollywood films. It also makes me think of John Lennon and Yoko Ono walking around in the late 1970s. We saw the disco dancers and roller skaters, and the other performers. It’s very crowded and full of tourists.

Other Highlights
The Comedy Cellar + Seeing Louis CK!

The Highline
Wall Street
Wholefoods Supermarkets
Getting fit from walking
Old buildings – it must get very cold
Classy restaurant in Soho

The McKittrick Hotel & “Sleep No More”
It was a surprise.
This turned out to be one of the strangest and mysterious experiences I’ve had for a long time.
The McKittrick Hotel is a 6 or 7 storey building which has been converted into a bar on one floor, and the rest of the floors have been taken over by a theatre company from London called “PunchDrunk”. They’ve converted all these rooms on all these floors (about 100 rooms) into an elaborate and interactive theatre space. Every evening a performance takes place within this space, and you as the audience can just walk around, exploring the space, investigating rooms, and there is a whole performance also going on around you. Sometimes you see performers, sometimes you follow them around from room to room observing the action from inside the space. The closest thing I could compare it to, was a computer game such as Resident Evil 2, or other suspenseful horror mystery games.
Go through the experience from the beginning – that may be the best way to explain it.
Queue up – normal restaurant or night club in New York.
When you enter – you leave your coats, and a silent woman gives you a playing card. I got number 13, and my girlfriend got a different card. Then we walked into a corridor and it was really dark. We laughed a bit at this because the illusion was beginning. We walked up stairs and into a bar, but it was like a scene from Twin Peaks. There was a girl singing a jazz tune, and people in 1920s costumes standing at the bar. The place was dark and smokey and it felt like Twin Peaks or some American noir thriller. I expected to see Jessica Rabbit at any moment. We got some drinks and waited. Every now and then a man in a tuxedo with a posh British accent would call out numbers, and groups of people would disappear out of the room…
Click here to visit the website for Sleep No More at The McKittrick Hotel.

New York Slideshow

: Subway

: Times Square

: Madison Square Garden

: The building in the front cover of Led Zeppelin’s album “Physical Graffiti”

: Wall Street

: In front of the Statue of Liberty

: An invisible skyscraper?

: More iconic brownstones

: Jazz at the Lincoln Centre with great views

: Times Square

: Inside the Metropolitan Opera House

: The Metropolitan Opera House

: At the Comedy Cellar

: Starstruck after seeing Louis CK

: The Highline

: The Highline

: More views from the Highline

: I’m walking here!

183. Luke’s D-Day Diary (Part 1)

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Join me on a trip to Normandy for the commemoration of the World War 2 D-Day landings. Podcasting on my feet, some unexpected things happened during this trip.

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Introduction
Friday 6 June this year was the 70th anniversary of the DDay landings in Normandy. My Grandad Dennis was one of the soldiers who landed on the beach that day. Along with thousands of other men he risked his life to fight the Nazis in the 2nd World War. Many of his fellow soldiers did not survive. Last Friday I went to Caen in Northern France to take part in the D-Day commemorations and to see my comedy hero Eddie Izzard performing stand-up in 3 languages. I recorded a podcast during my trip, and some unexpected things happened! Listen to the episode to join me on my adventure.
6 June 1944 – D-Day
D-Day was a very important moment in World War 2. This was when the Allies fought back against the Nazis on the Western European front. It was a key victory for the Allies, but it was also very costly, particularly for the Americans, who lost thousands of men on June 6 alone. For more information about why D-Day was so important, click here to visit the website of the Imperial War Museum in London.

Ultimately, D-Day was a success, but it came with great destruction and loss of human life. The success was due in part to the very careful planning of the Allied forces before the day, but also to the extremely tough fighting in which the Nazis were engaged in the east with the Soviets.

Why was it called D-Day? Click here to find an answer to this question on the BBC Newsround website.

My D-Day Diary
In this episode you’ll join me on my journey to Caen, a town in Normandy that was a very important location during the Normandy campaign in WW2. Caen is where most of the commemorations were taking place (or so I thought). On Friday the town was visited by lots of people including heads of state such as The Queen, Barack Obama, Francoise Hollande, Vladimir Putin and Angela Merkel. They were all very excited to learn that Luke from Luke’s English Podcast was also going to be in town ;)

I was podcasting regularly during the trip. First you hear me on the train, then walking through the streets of Caen on the way to my rented apartment room, then sitting on the steps of a church with my friend Sebastian Marx (from episode 130), then in a car with Yacine, on the street again, and finally in the train on the way home the next day. In the episode I talk about D-Day, my Grandfather’s involvement in D-Day 70 years ago, my experience of seeing Eddie Izzard’s comedy show, the dumbfounding excitement of having dinner with Eddie Izzard. All in all it was quite an emotional experience all round. I hope you enjoy the episode…

My Grandad, Dennis Hallam

Dennis is 94 this year. 70 years ago he was just 24 years old but he was an officer in the army, in charge of 35 young soldiers. It was his responsibility to lead these men off the boat, up the beach and ultimately all the way through France and deep into enemy territory. It was very brave of him, and he fought for my freedom. Without Grandad, I wouldn’t be here today and there would be no Luke’s English Podcast. Thanks Dennis.

Recently my Dad (Dennis’s son-in-law) wrote to Dennis to thank him for what he did on D-Day. Here is a copy of Dennis’s reply, typed onto a computer by my Mum (Dennis’s daughter). Some words are defined below.

Dear Rick,
Thank you for your “Thankyou” card which made me feel both proud and embarrassed – I was only one of thousands.

It was pretty hairy, and for me and many others it started long before we reached the beach. The Channel crossing was vile – I was dreadfully sick. At some point during the night it was my turn to be Duty Army Officer on the bridge and I had to climb up there being sick and miserable. So it was almost a great relief to get onto the beach, even though wet through, having had to wade ashore, and even though there were assorted bits of metal flying around. What amazes and horrifies me is to think that I was just 24 and in charge of and responsible for a platoon of 35 soldiers. If there were privileges attached to commissioned ranks – and there were, of course, I think we deserved them – a lot was asked of us.

However, it was a war that had to be fought, I think, and one simply called on one’s training and did what seemed right at any situation.

I hope the celebrations will go well and it is good to know that what we did is remembered and honoured.

Thank you again – it was very kind of you.

Yours, Dennis.

Thank you too Grandad.

Eddie Izzard
He’s a stand-up comedian from the UK. I’m a huge fan. I won’t write more about him here because I’m planning to do an episode about him soon, in which I’ll play you some of his stand-up comedy. On 6 June he put on a special show, doing 3 performances – one in German, one in English and one in French. That’s really impressive, especially considering he is learning both German and French as second (or third?) languages. I was pretty awestruck to actually meet Eddie on Friday and then sit down to dinner in his company. I still can’t believe it happened because he’s sort of a hero of mine. Listen to the podcast to hear my reactions. I was quite excited.

Here’s some video of Eddie talking about how Anglo-Saxon English evolved, including his version of how English became a non-gendered language, distinct from the gendered French which existed in England at around the same time.

Here is a video showing footage of the D-Day operation. To be honest, the video doesn’t really show us how big the operation was. It was the biggest naval armada the world had ever seen, and has ever seen since. It must have been an overwhelming sight to behold.

War Is Hell

“Some of you young men think that war is all glamour and glory,
but let me tell you, boys, it is all hell!”
-General William T. Sherman

182. Learning English with Yacine Belhousse

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This episode is all about the relationship between language, successful communication, stand-up comedy and learning English! It features an interview with the one-and-only Yacine Belhousse, who is a professional stand-up comedian in his native language and now in English too. A year and a half ago, Yacine hardly spoke any English. Now he regularly performs in English and this year he is doing a 1 hour stand-up comedy show at the Edinburgh fringe festival. How does he do it? How does he deal with the challenges of learning English while also making people laugh in English too? Listen and find out!

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I’m really pleased to present every episode of Luke’s English Podcast, but this one makes me extra pleased. Why? I just think that we come to some particularly useful conclusions during this conversation, especially related to the attitude that you need to learn English effectively. I’m also pleased to present Yacine because he’s got a great attitude towards learning English and because I think he’s really funny.

Conclusions about Learning Language
In summary here are some of the key points about learning English & communication from our conversation:
– To communicate well, you must take responsibility for communicative exchanges.
– Remember when you’re talking to native speakers, you’re just talking to another human. They have no reason to judge you if you’re just trying to communicate to achieve something. In fact, native speakers have the same responsibility for successful communication as you. So don’t feel that you’re totally responsible for any communication breakdown.
– Be confident and don’t worry about making mistakes. If you do make mistakes, you can learn from them and that’s how you improve. If you’re concerned that you can’t be confident – don’t worry. Confidence is something which just happens when you try to do something. If you focus on achieving successful communication, and don’t get upset by failure – confidence will just come naturally. So, don’t worry about confidence. Just focus on trying to achieve things.
– Have an organised approach to learning – mentally store words and phrases you like in the “good things bucket”. Reject bits of communication that didn’t work in the “bad things bucket”. Perhaps revisit the “bad things bucket” to learn from the errors, but enjoy the contents of your “good things bucket” too!
– Repeat words and phrases that you’ve learned. Repeat them lots of times in order to remember them.
– Learn by doing things. Learn to speak by speaking, failing, succeeding and moving on. You have to be active. Use your English. If you don’t use it, you lose it. You’ve got to be in it to win it!
– Be positive!

Listen to the conversation to find out more.

Links
Would you like to play Yacine’s computer game? Click here to visit the game on his website.

Will you be in Edinburgh during the Fringe? You should check out Yacine’s show. Click here for information on Yacine’s Edinburgh show.

Transcript to #182. Learning English with Yacine Belhousse
The introduction to this episode is transcribed below. If you would like to write some more minutes of transcript, click here to visit the google document for this episode.

Introduction
Here is my introduction to this episode of the podcast.

“Normally I have native speakers on this podcast; British people, Americans, Australians and stuff like that. And yet, most of the people who listen to this are non-natives learning the language. I rarely have learners of English giving their voice, which is a pity because everyone has a story to tell and interesting things to share. …

So, in today’s episode I am speaking to a friend of mine called Yacine. He’s not a native speaker. In fact, until quite recently he didn’t speak English at all. By his own admission, his English is not perfect. Sometimes he can’t find the right words, he has some trouble choosing the correct verb forms or pronouncing words naturally. These are all the normal problems faced by people learning English. However, I believe Yacine is quite special and that’s why I’ve brought him onto the podcast, despite not being a native or near-native speaker of English.

But why Luke? Why are you featuring a learner of English in one of your interviews? Well, there are lots of reasons:
– I think Yacine has a really good attitude towards learning, and I want to explore that so we can pick up some good things about language learning.
– Yacine is a professional stand-up comedian in his native language but he is also now performing shows in English. In fact, this year he is doing a regular one hour show at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, which is perhaps the biggest comedy festival in the world, and he regularly performs comedy with the great & legendary Eddie Izzard, who is considered by many to be one of the greatest stand-ups of his generation. Eddie Izzard is not just an inspiration to stand up comedians, he is also an inspiration to language learners all over the world, and we’ll find out more about that later. Yacine is very influenced by Eddie Izzard, and he often supports Eddie when he does shows in France.

Learning a language is a challenging thing for anyone. You know when you speak you feel shy and embarrassed sometimes because you don’t want to be judged (just like me when I go to the boulangerie). These are normal fears. But, can you imagine going on-stage in front of lots of people, Scottish, English, perhaps a bit drunk because the show is on at 9.30PM, and delivering a full one hour stand-up performance in a language you’re trying to learn?
– It must be very challenging.
– You’d need a lot of self-confidence and self-belief.
– You need to focus very carefully on how to communicate your message.
– You need to be able to deal with any possible breakdown of communication.
– You need to stop worrying about errors, and if you make errors learn from them but don’t let them make you lose confidence.
I want to know how Yacine faces these challenges, but also, for me these are the challenges faced by any learner of English, but they are multiplied by the fact that Yacine is also doing this on-stage while having to make people laugh. It’s impressive and I want to know more.

So, this is what I want to investigate in this episode:
– How he’s learning English.
– Doing comedy in French vs English.
– French audiences vs UK audiences – are they different?
– Is humour universal?
– How is good communication an essential part of comedy? How do you make a successful joke? It’s about successfully communicating an idea.

Footnote: Yacine has only been learning for a few years. He hasn’t attended any courses or lessons. He’s self-taught. My professional opinion is that he’s doing really well. His English is better than it was a year ago, and his English is certainly much better than my French!

Yacine might make errors during the episode, and that’s fine. I’ll help him or even give him corrections (“yes please” – he says). This episode is not a judgement of his English, and it’s not his comedy performance either – that happens in Edinburgh. What this is, is an investigation into his English learning experiences and the relationship between language, communication, comedy and language learning!

Click here to transcribe more of this episode using a google document.

Thanks for listening, and have a good day/evening/night!

Luke

179. The Ramblings of an Exhausted Teacher

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Last night I couldn’t sleep, and so today my mind has turned into jelly. Let me tell you all about it.

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In this episode I talk to you, in a rambling way, about diverse topics such as:

Dwayne’s English Podcast
Being kidnapped by aliens from Mars
Exam fatigue
Trouble sleeping last night
English at 7.30AM!
The rotten contents of my brain!
Selling Luke’s English Podcast
Saying “Hello” to you
Having a conversation with you
“The best laid plans of mice & men”
The university course I’ve been teaching
Sleep (high-energy bit)
What are you doing?
On a bus
Signalling to another person that you’re a LEPer (secret codes)
Giving a wink to a stranger
On a train
Trains and lifts in movies (Bruce Willis)
My brain is on its last legs
THANK YOU! (Transcripts, donations, reviews)
A special hello to the NSA secret agents
Hello to Yannick
Twitter – it’s what you make of it
Whatever
Normally on Luke’s English Podcast
BBC meeting: Prioritising Luke’s English Podcast
This really is the end
Be nice to each other
;)

Lovely to talk to you,
Goodnight

Luke

Thanks for listening ;)

177. What Londoners Say vs What They Mean

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Here are some cliches that you might hear Londoners say, and some explanations of what they really mean.

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This podcast is based on an article from the trendy/hipster website “Buzzfeed”. It’s about some common things that Londoners say, and what they really mean. It’ll not only teach you some vocabulary, but will allow you to get under the skin of London and find out some real inside knowledge of what it’s like to live there for real.

I’ll go through the list and explain everything for you.

Article originally published on BuzzFeed here.
Photo illustration by Matt Tucker, Dan Kitwood / Getty/paulprescott72/Thinkstock

***Please be aware – there is some rude language and swearing in this episode***

1. “London prices” — Rip-off prices.
2. “Sorry” — I’m not sorry.
3. “Sorry” — You have just trodden on my foot, and I loathe you with every fibre of my being.
4. “Excuse me” — You have paused momentarily at the ticket barrier and I am boiling with rage.
5. “My fault entirely” — Your fault entirely.
6. “I’m fine, thanks” — I am barely managing to conceal a churning maelstrom of emotions.
7. “How are you?” — Fine. Just say fine.
8. “See you Saturday!” — Don’t forget to email me twice to make sure that we’re actually meeting on Saturday.
9. “Let’s have lunch” — Let’s walk to Pret and back as fast as we can.
10. “I’m having a party in Wimbledon, come along” — Please travel for four and a half hours as I live in the middle of bloody nowhere.
11. “Open for business” — Oligarchs welcome.
12. “Centre of global finance” — Money launderers’ paradise.
13. “My commute? It’s not too bad. About average” — It involves three modes of transport, takes hours each day, and is slowly crushing my spirit.
14. “Could you move down a bit please?” — I’m not asking, I’m telling.
15. “Could you move down a bit please?” — I am seconds away from a devastating mental collapse.
16. “Could you move down a bit please?” — If you don’t, I will start killing indiscriminately.
17. “Due to adverse weather conditions” — It was a bit windy earlier.
18. “Due to the wet weather conditions” — A tiny amount of rain has fallen.
19. “Please take care when…” — Don’t you dare blame us if…
20. “We apologise for the inconvenience caused” — Via the medium of this dehumanised pre-recorded message.
21. “Due to a signalling failure…” — Due to an excuse we just made up…
22. “Rail replacement bus service” — Slow, agonising descent into madness.
23. “There is a good service on all London Underground lines” — Though this very much depends how you define “good”.
24. “Planned engineering works” — That’s your weekend plans fucked, then.
25. “Would Inspector Sands please report to the operations room immediately” — Ohgodohgod everybody panic, we’re all about to die.
26. “Annual fare increase” — We’re rinsing you suckers for even more money. Again.
27. “House party in Tooting? See you there!” — South of the river? No fucking chance.
28. “I live in Zone One” — I am unimaginably wealthy.
29. “The area is really up and coming” — Only one tramp shouts at me in the morning.
30. “Vibrant” — Actual poor people live here.
31. “Gentrification” — I am so glad they’re rid of the poor people.
32. “Gentrified” — Oh bollocks now I can’t afford to live here either.
33. “Efficient use of space” — Microscopic.
34. “Studio flat” — Bedsit.
35. “Incredible potential” — Absolute shithole.
36. “Affordable” — Uninhabitable.
37. “Deceptively spacious” — Basically a cupboard.
38. “Good transport links” — There’s a bus stop 10 minutes’ walk away.
39. “Authentic” — Fake.
40. “I just bought a flat” — My parents just helped me buy a flat.
41. “Swift half” — Many, many, many, many halves.
42. “Quick pint” — In the pub until closing time.
43. “We’re going on a date” — We’re getting pissed together.
44. “Picnic” — Daytime piss-up.
45. “Barbecue” — Piss-up in the garden.
46. “South London” — Here be monsters.
47. “West London” — Here be posh people.
48. “East London” — Here be young people.
49. “North London” — Here be newspaper columnists.
50. “Oxford Circus” — Roiling hellscape.
51. “Tech city” — Bunch of start-ups you’ve never heard of.
52. “London has some of the best restaurants in the world” — So how come I always end up at Nandos?
53. “London is full of cultural delights” — Which I never visit.
54. “Gourmet coffee” — Ludicrously overpriced coffee.
55. “Exciting pop-up restaurant” — You guys like queuing, right?
56. “We have a no bookings policy” — We hate our customers.
57. “This pub has character” — This is not a gastropub, and I’m scared.
58. “Traditional boozer” — Pub that does not serve wasabi peas.
59. “What do you do?” — How much do you earn?
60. “He works in finance” — He’s a psycho.
61. “He works in media” — He’a a wanker.
62. “He works in PR” — He’s a bullshitter.
63. “He works in tech” — He’s got a blog.
64. “Working hours” — Waking hours.
65. “Greatest city on earth” — Apart from New York.
66. “You know what they say: He who is tired of London…” — I am so tired of London.

173. The Curse of The Lambton Worm (Short Story)

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Listen to a disturbing story from English folklore about a horrendous and mysterious worm.

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Introduction
The Lambton Worm is a legend from the north east of England in the UK. The story takes place around the River Wear, in the town of Lambton and at Penshaw Hill which is between Durham and Sunderland in the north east of England. It is one of the area’s most famous pieces of folklore, having been adapted from written and oral tradition into pantomime and song formats, which are still performed to this day. I’m going to keep up that tradition here on Luke’s English Podcast by telling you my version of the story.

The tale is about a man called John Lambton, who was the heir to the Lambton Estate in County Durham, and his battle with a giant worm (dragon) that had been terrorising the local villages. As with most myths, details of the story change with each telling. I’m not from that part of England, but I love this story because I remember reading about it in a book of monsters that my brother used to have when we were kids. Remember before I told you about a ghost book that I used to own when I was a kid? Well, my brother had a similar book, from the same series, and it was all about monsters. I was fascinated by these books (Click this link to read some pages of those books!) So was my brother. I remember there was a picture of John Lambton fighting the worm, and a brief account of the story. It was fascinating, horrific and exciting for me as a kid, and the memory of the story has stayed with me. There’s just something about an old scary story that really excites me. I think this one must be a good one because it has endured for hundreds of years. It dates back to the time of the crusades, so about 1,000 years ago – medieval times. If a story survives that long, being told over and over again and being handed down through the generations, it must mean there must be something in it which interests people.

This is a local legend from country Durham and I expect it’s a strong part of their local culture. There’s an old folk song which tells the story, and it is still sung in old pubs by beer-drinking men with beards and acoustic guitars. I love those old folk songs. It’s proper traditional culture, as performed and told by real local people. I’m not from that part of the country, I’m from the midlands, and the south, but the story means something to me because of the connection I have with it from childhood. Also, I just think that you might like to hear it.

I’m going to tell you the story in my own way. It’s normal for folk tales like this to be changed by the storyteller, and there is no official version of the story – just a general outline. The details get adapted and improvised by each storyteller. So, I’m going to give you my version, which means that I will stick to the main elements of the story, but yes, as usual I will be improvising a lot of other details too. The challenge for me is to try and make it engaging, and entertaining and understandable for you. As well as practising your English, we can also consider what makes a good story. I think it’s about the passion of the storyteller, and the attention to certain details. Your challenge is to follow the story, and perhaps learn it well enough to be able to tell your friends, if you fancy that. Just remember to mention that the roots of this story are in the folklore of the county Durham area, in the North of England. It’s important to remember that this is a bit of local culture. If you’re from that area, and you’re listening to this – I hope you don’t mind my version of the story, and realise that, really, I love this story too and I’m just adapting it a little bit for the purpose of letting people practise their English listening.

Illustration by John Dickson Batten from More English Fairy Tales.

The Main Elements of the Story
Note that I use past tenses to tell my story (past simple, past perfect & past continuous) but below the story is presented using present tenses.
John Lambton is the heir to the Lambton Estate – so he’s a young member of the gentry. A landowner from a fairly rich and well known family in the area.
He’s a rebellious character.
He skips church and he skips school.
He doesn’t care. He just loves fishing. He disrespects his parents.
He skips church one Sunday, and goes fishing.
He meets an old man – an old hermit, who tells him that no good will come of skipping church. He ignores the old man, and yet it puts him in a bit of a bad mood.
He catches nothing all morning.
Then, as the church bells are ringing for the end of service, he gets a bite on his line.
It’s a powerful bite and he has to wrestle hard to bring in the catch. The water crashes around and gets deeply churned up. He fights hard and brings in his catch.
It’s a truly disgusting and horrifying catch.
It’s a slimy and wriggly black worm. It’s dripping slime, it’s writhing and snapping, and it stinks.
He brings it to rest on the soil. It sits there breathing, completely malevolent. It has 9 holes down the side of its mouth, and John can’t really make sense of its other features. It’s really weird, and makes him feel sick.
He pukes, quite hard. What the hell is this thing?
He takes another look at it, and it opens its eye. It’s yellow and red, and it seems to look right into his soul.
This is a life-changing moment, although he doesn’t realise it.
At that moment, the old man reappears, and says with some certainty that he senses the work of the devil, and that Lambton is now responsible for this worm.
Lambton can’t throw it back, so he quickly puts it in his basket, to carry it home.
On the way back, the basket is so heavy and the worm keeps thrashing around inside it, and hissing. Even when it’s still, the basket seems impossible to carry. It’s so heavy, but also, he feels miserable. The good mood he was in at the beginning of the day has been replaced by a very grim feeling of depression. It’s like he’s suddenly aware of all the time he has wasted, and how everything seems quite hopeless, including his family life.
He can’t take it any more, and feeling desperate, he chucks the worm into a nearby well. The worm struggles quite a lot, but down it goes. Lambton waits to hear the worm hit the bottom, and it does, after a pause, with a splash.
He quickly goes home.
Feeling guilty, and more aware of his responsibilities, he decides to join the army in order to fight in the crusades, as much out of guilt as duty to his family and the church.
He goes to Palestine to fight in the crusades. He’s away for 7 hard years in which he sees many things, makes many friends and sees many friends die in battle. He becomes a man.
Meanwhile, back at home, the worm is still alive in the well. The well becomes infected, and causes anyone who drinks from it to become violently ill, and die, with horrible symptoms.
The worm grows inside the well, and after it has reached a massive size, one moonlit night, it slides out from the well, and it’s massive. It wraps itself around the local Penshaw Hill – several times, and lies there waiting, warming itself in the morning sun. It’s a hideous and vicious creature. It has small legs, with claws on the end, which it uses to scrape and scratch the earth. It is incredibly long, and it slithers like a snake. It’s covered in smooth yet tough scales. Around its head it has a mane of rubbery spikes. The 9 holes that run along the side of its face, under its jaw, ooze a nasty black slime which burns the grass and sends an evil black smoke into the air. It coughs up the bones and remains of the bodies it has eaten, leaving this foul waste on the ground wherever it rests. Its eyes are yellow and deep, and malevolent. It has rows of razor sharp teeth like a shark’s except that they’re black and yellow, and his eyes, like that of a shark, roll back into its head when he takes a bite, leaving him looking white-eyed and blind during its moments of feeding frenzy.
It attacks a local farmer, squeezing him to death after he tries to fight it with his pitchfork. It then eats all his cattle, and his dead body, before returning to the hill.
It then terrorises the area, eating cattle and sheep, and wild animals.
The countryside becomes deathly silent, as it is all scared or killed by the worm. It’s a foul and sickening presence which seems to poison the earth wherever it goes.
Its confidence grows and it enters town.
The town mayor, as an attempt to distract it, empties all the milk supplies from the market into a trough in front of the town hall. The worm eats it all, and returns to the hill, where it sleeps.
The best men of the town get together a fighting force and arm themselves with the best weaponry they can find, and go to attack the worm, but it’s in vain as the worm is very strong and ruthless. Whenever anyone manages to slice the worm, the pieces, shuddering, just grow back together again. The worm seems indestructible.
For the next 7 years, the town gives the worm almost all of its supplies of milk in order to satisfy it. The worm grows bigger, and the town gets more and more exploited, until people are starving to death, and all life is sucked out of the place. When no milk is provided, the worm angrily attacks the residents, killing and eating men, women and children.
John Lambton returns from the crusades a scarred man, but a man nonetheless. He has learned how to fight, and he carries a sword and a suit of armour.
He sees the state of the town, and learns about the worm from his father.
He realises it is the same worm that he discarded all those years ago, and immediately realises that he is responsible for the curse and must fight the worm himself.
He visits a local wise woman for advice. She tells him that the worm has cursed him, his family and the town, and that only he can kill it.
She tells him to visit the blacksmith, and to have spikes and blades fitted to his armour, and that he must lure the worm into the river Wear before doing battle.
She also tells him that to lift the curse, after killing the worm, he must kill the next living thing that he sees.
Lambton gets his special suit of armour made, and arranges with his father that when he has killed the worm, he will blow a note on his hunting horn as a signal that he has won and that the father must release Lambton’s favourite hunting hound. The hound will run straight to him and Lambton will kill it, lifting the curse.
He heads towards the hill and finds the worm.
The worm recognises him and uncoils itself from the hill, hissing, puking black bile and generally being hideous.
Lambton realises how difficult this will be because this worm is really big and strong looking. The worm approaches and he backs away.
He walks backwards towards the river, the worm steadily moving nearer and nearer, flanking him. Lambton gets very tired just walking in the armour – which is extra-heavy because of the fittings.
Eventually, he enters the water, which is cold.
The worm slides down the bank and raises itself up to strike.
They fight and whenever the worm attempts to coil itself around Lambton, it gets sliced up on the blades and spikes.
Lambton is so tired that all he can do is just try not to be washed away by the current. He hacks at the worm and struggles to breath. The fumes from the worm are poisonous. Each time parts of the worm are hacked off, they are washed away, and eventually, just a section of the worm is left and Lambton hacks off its head. The pieces can’t join back together and the worm is no more.
Lambton blows a note on his horn, but his father is so happy to hear it that he forgets to release the hound and instead he runs to see John. Lambton sees him , and is dismayed. he can’t bring himself to kill his father, and so the go back to the house and he kills his hound.
The wise woman appears and tells him that despite killing the worm, he failed to lift the curse and that for 9 generations, the Lambtons will not die in their beds.
injured and sick, Lambton collapses.
That’s the end of the story.

What does this all mean? You tell me.

This curse seems to have held true for at least three generations, possibly helping to contribute to the popularity of the story.
1st generation: Robert Lambton, drowned at Newrig.
2nd: Sir William Lambton, a Colonel of Foot, killed at Marston Moor.
3rd: William Lambton, died in battle at Wakefield.
9th: Henry Lambton, died in his carriage crossing Lambton Bridge on 26 June 1761.
(General Lambton, Henry Lambton’s brother, is said to have kept a horse whip by his bedside to ward off violent assaults. He died in his bed at an old age.)

The Old Folk Song
Here is Tony Wilson singing the folk song in the local dialect
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XsO7SeCvgMw&w=500&h=375]
Song Lyrics
Here are the lyrics with some meanings added too. Remember, this is sung in an old dialect. Not many people actually speak in this dialect any more, although there is a distinct accent from that region.

One Sunda morn young Lambton went
A-fishing in the Wear;
An’ catched a fish upon he’s heuk	(=caught) (=his hook)
He thowt leuk’t vary queer.	(=thought looked very strange)
But whatt’n a kind ov fish it was	(=what kind of)
Young Lambton cudden’t tell-
He waddn’t fash te carry’d hyem,	(=could not be bothered to carry it home)
So he hoyed it doon a well	(=threw it down)

Chorus
Whisht! lads, haad yor gobs,	(=Be quiet, boys, shut your mouths)
An’ aa’ll tell ye aall an aaful story,	(=I’ll tell you all an awful)
Whisht! lads, haad yor gobs,
An’ Aa’ll tel ye ‘boot the worm.	(=about)

Noo Lambton felt inclined te gan	(=go)
An’ fight i’ foreign wars.
He joined a troop ov Knights that cared
For nowther woonds nor scars,	(=neither wounds)
An’ off he went te Palestine
Where queer things him befel,
An varry seun forgat aboot	(=very soon forgot about)
The queer worm i’ tha well.

But the worm got fat an’ grewed an’ grewed,
An’ grewed an aaful size;
He’d greet big teeth, a greet big gob,
An greet big goggly eyes.
An’ when at neets he craaled aboot	(=nights) (=crawled around)
Te pick up bits o’ news,
If he felt dry upon the road,
He’d milk a dozen coos.	(=cows)

This feorful worm would often feed	(=fearful)
On caalves an’ lambs an’ sheep,
An’ swally little bairns alive	(=swallow) (=children)
When they laid doon te sleep.
An when he’d eaten aall he cud	(=all he could)
An’ he had had he’s fill,
He craaled away an’ lapped he’s tail	(=wrapped)
Ten times roond Pensha Hill.

The news ov this myest aaful worm	(=most)
An’ his queer gannins on	(=goings-on)
Seun crossed the seas, gat te the ears	(=soon) (=got to)
Ov brave an’ bowld Sor John.
So hyem he cam an’ catched the beast,	(=home he came and caught)
An’ cut ‘im in twe haalves,	(=cut him in two-halves)
An’ that seun stopped hes eatin’ bairns
An’ sheep an’ lambs an’ caalves.

So noo ye knaa hoo aall the foaks	(=now you know how all the folk)
On byeth sides ov the Wear	(=both)
Lost lots o’ sheep an’ lots o’ sleep
An leeved i’ mortal feor.	(=And lived in mortal fear)
So let’s hev one te brave Sor John	(=let’s drink to brave Sir John)
That kept the bairns frae harm,	(=from)
Saved coos an’ calves by myekin’ haalves	(=making halves)
O’ the famis Lambton Worm.	(=famous)

172. British Comedy: Peter Cook & Dudley Moore

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Listen to two comedy sketches from the 1960s, learn some popular cultural history, pick up some vocabulary and hear some posh English accents.

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I highly recommend that you purchase this BBC DVD of The Best of Peter Cook & Dudley Moore. It’s really funny!

Introduction (with transcript)
Hello everyone, welcome to the podcast. In this episode we’re going to listen to a sketch from a comedy show called “Not only.. but also”, which was first broadcast on the BBC back in the sixties, when TV was in black and white and there were only 3 channels.

I’d love to tell you all about this show, and the people who made it. Peter Cook and Dudley Moore are basically the fathers of modern British TV comedy. I’d love to tell you all about how before Monty Python even existed, Peter Cook & Dudley Moore were doing surreal, satirical and anti-establishment comedy on BBC TV, and getting huge audience ratings, and inspiring generations of people. I’d also love to tell you more about the history of British comedy, because for some reason it’s very important to me. It’s one of my favourite subjects. It just feels significant, and I want to share it with you. Listening to these things is good for your English, but ultimately the reward is even greater than that – you can enjoy listening to something that’s a little bit special. But I also realise that you might not have the same level of slightly fanatical interest in the history of comedy, as I do. I could bang on about some comedians from the 1960s, but you might think “this is interesting Luke, but let’s just listen to some of their work shall we?” So, I’ve decided to just skip through all the stuff about the history of comedy and go straight to a couple of sketches, tell you about them, help you to understand them, and then later in this episode I’ll give you a little history lesson on Peter Cook and Dudley Moore, and their place in the history of pop culture, and then not only will you be able to enjoy their comedy, but you’ll learn more about British cultural history.

So, let’s focus on the sketch. I’m just going to explain the context for you and then you can listen to it, and see if you get what’s going on.

First sketch: Peter Cook & Dudley Moore “A bit of a chat” aka “The facts of life”
In this scene you’ll hear a father talking to his son about a slightly sensitive topic. The scene was written and filmed in the early sixties, probably 1964.

First, just listen (there is a script below, but try listening without it first)
Just listen to this and try and work out what is going on. Then I’ll explain things, and you can hear it again. There’s a script available for this sketch on my webpage.
As you listen you should try to work out what’s happening here. Why is this such a strange conversation? And why is the audience laughing? You might need to “read between the lines” which means look beyond what is just being said in order to discover the hidden meanings or suggestions at work.

How much of that did you understand? Did you get the humorous aspects of it? Let me explain the context, and the main points of the sketch.

*Sketch starts – “A Bit of a Chat”*
(See below for the script)

What happened?

Context
What do you know about Father/Son relationships in the UK in the 1950s & 60s?
They were more formal, especially among upper-class or upper-middle class families. Sons would call their father ‘sir’. They’d be very respectful, as if talking to someone of much higher status. They probably didn’t spend a lot of time together. These days, fathers and sons from normal middle-class families are quite close. They share quite a lot, and are able to talk quite openly about sensitive subjects like relationships or sex education. It might be embarrassing for the boy, but basically, the father feels quite comfortable doing it, and it’s normal and accepted. Back in the 50s or 60s, it wasn’t exactly the same. I suppose British men were less ‘in touch with their feelings’ and found it very awkward to discuss sensitive personal topics openly. Instead they may have dealt with them in the same formalised and distant way as they would talk about other topics. Also, we wonder how much most people really knew about sexual education in those days. Back in the 1950s or early 60s, before the era of sexual liberation, I think that a lot of people were completely in the dark about reproduction and all that kind of thing.
How about now? Are people more comfortable when talking about topics such as reproduction and sex?
Not completely, but certainly more so than 50 years ago.

The Class System & Boarding Schools
A little bit about the class system – particularly the upper class.
Nowardays, most people are middle class. In fact, many people believe that we don’t have a formalised class system these days. 50 years ago, the UK was more divided by class. Lower class (working class), middle class and upper class. Let’s look at traditional upper class culture. The upper class, or upper middle classes were considered to be:
Wealthy, educated, respectable and quite formal. Not liberated sexually, but bound by polite & formal social conventions. They would have been quite prudish about sex, finding it very embarrassing to talk about the subject. Many of the men would have been educated in exclusive, single sex boarding schools, which by all accounts would have been pretty cold, very formal and quite brutal. The boys never mixed with girls and grew up to be pretty clueless about sex. Kids and their parents didn’t spend a lot of time together, because of the boarding schools, and a father was more like a master than a friendly Dad.

Vocabulary
It seems that very posh people, from this period, often don’t really say exactly what they mean. They might make something sound more trivial than it actually is. For example “I had to give someone rather a ticking off” = means “I quite forcefully reprimanded someone for doing something wrong”
rugger – rugby
grubby – dirty / muddy
having a crafty smoke – secretly having a cigarette
give someone rather a ticking off – telling someone off
it’s a filthy habit – it’s a dirty habit
to cope with someone – to deal with someone
to get up to something – to do something (naughty)

Remember – it’s all about reading between the lines. What’s really going on? What really happened?

What does each line of dialogue really mean. E.g. the line about “there’s a cup of tea in here if you’d like one” means – come and sit down because I need to talk to you. The lad doesn’t want to, because, well, it’s probably awkward to talk to the old man, and this sounds like it could be serious.

Let’s listen to it again now, and consider each line, what is going on, and what is funny.

Second Listen

Questions
What does the Father want to talk about?
Why does the Father feel he has to talk about this?
What does the Father mean by “The opposite number?”
Why does the Father talk about sitting on a chair, etc?
Who is Uncle Bertie?
What is Uncle Bertie’s relationship with the boy’s mother?

A Bit Of A Chat (Script)
Roger, aged almost eighteen, arrives home from school, whistling: All Things Bright and Beautiful. His Father wants to have a bit of a chat with him about something. Just, a bit of a chat…
Father: Is that you, Roger?
Roger: Yes, father.
Father: There’s a cup of tea in here, boy, if you’d like one.
Roger: It’s very kind of you, sir, but I’ve just come in from rugger, and I’m a bit grubby. I think I ought to go and have a shower first, sir.
Father: Well pour me a cup, there’s a good chap, would you?
Roger: Certainly sir, yes, of course.
Father: Thank you. How was school today?
Roger: Oh, much as usual, thank you sir, but I caught someone having a crafty smoke behind the wooden building. I had to give him rather a ticking off — such a filthy habit, you know.
Father: It’s a filthy habit, Roger.
Roger: There we are, sir. Now, if you’ll excuse me.
Father: Roger.
Roger: Yes sir?
Father: Er — sit down. Roger, your mother and I were having a bit of a chat the other day, and she thought it might be a good idea if I was to have a bit of a chat with you.
Roger: Er… a bit of a chat, sir?
Father: A bit of a chat, yes, Roger, just…
Roger: Er…
Father: A bit of a chat.
Roger: What about, sir?
Father: Well, there’s nothing to be worried about, Roger, it’s just that, er, well, to be perfectly frank… how old are you?
Roger: Well, to be perfectly frank, sir, I’m coming up to eighteen.
Father: Coming up to eighteen…
Roger: Well, on the verge of…
Father: On the verge of eighteen… Yes, well, I thought it might be a good idea to have a bit of a chat now, because I remember, from my own experience, that it was when I was just, you know, coming up to eighteen…
Roger: On the verge…
Father: …on the verge of it, that I first began to take a serious interest in the – um – in the – er – opposite… the opposite… number. Now I don’t know, Roger, if you know anything about the method whereby you came to be brought about.
Roger: Well, sir, some of the boys at school say very filthy things about it, sir.
Father: This is what I was worried about, and this is why I thought I’d have a bit of a chat, and explain, absolutely frankly and openly, the method whereby you, and everybody in this world, came to be. Roger, in order for you to be brought about, it was necessary for your mother and I to do something. In particular, it was necessary for your mother… it was necessary for your mother – to sit on a chair. To sit on a chair which I had recently vacated, and which was still warm from my body. And then, something very mysterious, rather wonderful and beautiful happened. And sure enough, four years later you were born. There was nothing unhealthy about this, Roger, there’s nothing unnatural. It’s a beautiful thing in the right hands, and there’s no need to think less of your mother because of it. She had to do it – she did it – and here you are.
Roger: Well sir, it’s very kind of you to tell me. One thing, actually, slightly alarms me; um, I was sitting in this very chair yesterday sir, and I vacated it, and the cat sat on it while it was still warm. Should we have it destroyed?
Father: Its a lovely chair, Roger…
Roger: I mean the cat, sir.
Father: Destroy… oh, no Roger, you don’t understand. This thing of which I speak can only happen between two people who are married. And you’re not married.
Roger: Not yet, anyway sir.
Father: Not to the cat, in any case. Well, Roger, now that you have this knowledge about chairs and warmth, I hope – I hope you’ll use it wisely, and take no notice of your school friends, or what Uncle Bertie may say.
Roger: Dirty Uncle Bertie they call him.
Father: Dirty Uncle Bertie – and they’re right, Roger. Bertie’s a dirty, dirty man. He’s been living with us now for forty years, and it does seem a day too much… You know, if it hadn’t been for your mother, Roger, I don’t know where we would have been. She’s the only person who can really cope with Uncle Bertie, she’s the only one who can really deal with him. I don’t know if you realise this, Roger, but your mother even has to sleep in the same bed as Uncle Bertie, to prevent him getting up to anything in the night. If only there were more people like your mother, Roger.
Roger: Well, I’m very pleased that you’ve told me this, sir, because, as I say, I’m very glad I don’t have to believe all those filthy things that the boys at school say, and only yesterday, Uncle Bertie said to me…
Father: Take no notice of Uncle Bertie, Roger! He’s a sick, sick man, and we should feel sorry for him.
Roger: Well, I’ll try, sir… well.. thank you sir. Er – I wonder if I should take a cup of tea up to mother, while…
Father: I – er – I wouldn’t do that, Roger – she’s upstairs at the moment, coping with Uncle Bertie…
Roger: Poor Uncle Bertie…
Father: Poor Uncle Bertie…

And here’s the garden party sketch. It comes from another great BBC TV show called “The Fast Show”, which was Johnny Depp’s favourite British TV show.

The Psychiatrist Sketch (Script)

Braintree: Come in.
[Enter Roger.]
Hullo, Roger.
Roger: Hullo, Dr Braintree.
B: Hullo, come in.
R: I’m sorry I’m late.
B: That’s quite all right – how are you?
R: I’m very well, thank you.
B: Would you like to sit down, or would you prefer to lie.
R: Uhm, I’ll sit, thank you.
B: Right, well, sit down. Tell me, how are you in yourself?
R: I’m feeling just great.
B: Oh, this is terrific.
R: Yes, and it’s more than I expected from our sessions. You know, if anyone had told me that talking to psychiatrists could have help me at all, I would have laughed in their faces.
B: Yes.
R: But I can honestly say that our little chats together have really been of tremendous help to me.
B: I’m so glad, Roger: of course a lot of people are instinctively suspicious of psychiatry, but it can help at times.
R: Well, I really think it can, because you know, I’ve got so much self-confidence now. I’m much less self-conscious in the company of the opposite sex, whichI wasn’t, as you know.
B: Yes, yes, yes, yes. You’re less inhibited, are you?
R: [Suggestively] Oh yes, I should say so.
B: Good, this is terrific.
R: And the wonderful thing about it all is … well, I’m in love.
B: Well, this is wonderful news, Roger – you’re in love. – With a woman?
R: Yes.
B: So much the better – that’s terrific.
R: You know, it’s so wonderful to be in love – I can’t tell you the absolute joy I have. … this girl, this creature
[emotional]
, this goddess …
R: I mean, she’s
B: Yes …
R: She’s so, you know, it’s so right. Everything is so wonderful, you know.
B: Yes, yes – you really click together.
R: Yes. Oh, it’s so marvellous, but – the only trouble is that, apart from this wonderful light-hearted love I have, I seem to be saddled with this tremendous burning sense of guilt.
B: You have guilt as well as love: well, this is unfortunate, Roger. You know, sex is the most wonderful natural, healthy thing in the world. There’s no reason at all to have any guilt about it. I mean,why should you have guilt about sex?
R: Well, it’s not really as simple as that, you know – it’s rather difficult to explain. Uhm, I don’t reallyknow where to start. It’s rather difficult to explain. Uhm, I don’t really know where to start.
B: Well, begin at the beginning. That’s always the best place. What’s the girl’s name.
R: [Pause] Stephanie.
B: Stephanie. That’s a lovely name, isn’t it – well, my wife’s name in fact, isn’t it?
R: Yes, it’s Stephanie.
B: Yes, it’s Stephanie.
R: Yes, it’s Stephanie.
B: No, it’s Stephanie.
R: Yes, it’s Stephanie: it’s your wife.
B: Oh, you’re in love with my wife, Stephanie. Well, this is a perfectly understandable thing, Roger. She’s a very attractive woman – I married her myself. I don’t see why you should feel upset about that.
R: But she’s in love with me.
B: Well, this is again perfectly understandable, Roger. I mean, you’re a perfectly attractive human being, as I’ve told you over the last few weeks. There’s nothing repulsive about you, is there? There’s no reason why a highly sexed woman such as Stephanie shouldn’t fall in love with you. And I must explain to you, Roger, that I’m a very busy man: I have many, many patients to see – I see rather less of my wife perhaps than I should, and I think it’s very understandable she should seek some sort of companionship outside the marriage – I don’t think that’s unreasonable at all.
R: But she’s not seeking anything outside marriage – nor am I. We want to get married.
B: Well, this again is perfectly understandable. After all, you’re two young people in love and you want to express your feelings within the confines of a bourgeois society through marriage. I think it’s very appropriate.
R: The awful thing is, you see – I should feel so grateful to you for what you’ve done. And all I can feel is this burning jealousy – I can’t bear the thought of you touching her.
B: Well, of course, I understand this. One is tremendously possessive about someone one loves … it would be unhealthy not to have this jealous reaction, Roger.
R: But don’t you see – I hate you.
B: Of course you hate me, Roger.
R: I hate you for being so near her.
B: Yes, of course you hate me, Roger. You love to hate the one who loves the one you hate to love the one you hate. This is a very old rule, Roger – there’s nothing to feel ashamed about. It’s absolutely reasonable.
R: Don’t you understand – I want to kill you.
B: Of course you want to kill me. Because by killing me , Roger, you eradicate the one you hate. This is a perfectly natural reaction, Roger.
R: You’re so reasonable, aren’t you.
B: Yes, I am.
R: [Getting cross]
You understand it all so much …you are so logical.
[Gets up to strike him.]
B: Yes, I am – it’s my job.
R: I’m going to have to kill you
now
!
B: Ah – Roger – this is a little inconvenient, because I have another patient a six-thirty and then there’s someone else at seven after that. I wonder if you could make it some time next week.
[Standing over him.]
Could you make it early in the week, say?
R: [Pause – relax] When do you think?
B: How are you fixed on Wednesday morning? Say nine-thirty – would that be convenient?
R: Yes, that’s perfect.
B: Right, well, if you could pop along at nine-thirty and kill me then.
R: Once again, Doctor Braintree, I’m amazed, you know, really. I’m so grateful to you for showing me the way.
B: That’s what I’m here for, Roger.
R: Thank you very much. Thank you.
B: And with a bit of luck, this should be the last time you need to visit me

Comments
I think it’s pretty clear what’s funny about this. The psychiatrist has cured Roger and he feels so happy to be in love, but it turns out that Roger is in love with the Psychiatrist’s wife Stephanie. The psychiatrist doesn’t fly into a jealous rage – in fact he’s ridiculously logical and reasonable about it. This sketch allows us to imagine what the psychiatrist must be like at home – so reasonable all the time, he must be no fun at all. No passion, just plain dedication to his job; the rational understanding of psychology at the expense of natural human emotions and feelings, which is unnatural and ridiculous, as well as frustrating. It could be a wider statement about psychiatry, but let’s not analyse it too much. It’s just funny listening to the reactions, and the nicely written lines.

Vocabulary
There may be some words and expressions that you don’t know, or that could be useful to you. Let’s have a look:

terrific
our little chats together have really been of tremendous help to me
I’m much less self-conscious in the company of the opposite sex, which I wasn’t, as you know.
B: Yes, yes, yes, yes. You’re less inhibited, are you?
you really click together.
I seem to be saddled with this tremendous burning sense of guilt.
There’s nothing repulsive about you
There’s no reason why a highly-sexed woman such as Stephanie shouldn’t fall in love with you
You want to express your feelings within the confines of a bourgeois society through marriage.
I can’t bear the thought of you touching her.
Because by killing me , Roger, you eradicate the one you hate.
If you could pop along at nine-thirty and kill me then.

That’s it! Don’t forget to listen several times to get the full benefit!

Feel free to leave comments and questions below.

Thanks for listening,

Luke

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