Here’s a list of jokes about different countries which I found on the website Bored Panda. I’ll tell you the jokes and then explain them all (dissecting the frog), including any homophones, double meanings or specific cultural references. Can you “get” the jokes? Do you find any of them funny, or are they all just terrible dad jokes? And, what vocabulary can you learn in the process? Includes a vocabulary review at the end of the episode.

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Notes

In this episode we’re going to read some jokes about different countries in the world, and I’m going to use them to help you learn English.

They’re not really jokes about countries. They’re mainly just jokes based on the country names. So I won’t be making fun of specific countries or anything.

I’ve found a list of 100 jokes.

Jokes like these…

👍

#12

Which country’s capital city is growing the fastest?

Ireland. 

Because every day it’s Dublin.

doubling??

• Some of these jokes are very stupid.

• Some of them are terrible.

• But some of them are actually pretty funny 😅

This is all just a bit of fun, but also it’s a chance to learn some vocabulary.

Before we continue, I need to make several jokes about my country: The UK

A map of the UK

It’s just there, under that huge rain storm.

More specifically, England

Football

What do you call an English man in the World Cup final?

The referee.

British Food

Well, this is how our biscuits are sold in France  

C’est Anglais, mais c’est bon !

Translation: 

It’s English, but it’s good.

*Actually they’re Scottish

*Actually the company is owned by a Turkish confectionery conglomerate

And I’m sure you could write plenty of jokes about our Royal Family…

But you don’t really need to

Subtext: They’re already quite funny aren’t they?

I don’t mean to be rude about our king, but apparently he has a sense of humour, so I’m sure he doesn’t mind. 

cheers

Can you understand these jokes? 

If you understand a joke you can say 

“I get it”

If you don’t understand why it’s supposed to be funny, you’d say

“I don’t get it”

If you understand it, but you think it isn’t funny, you can just groan. 

🤦

There will be VOCABULARY

I will explain every joke that you hear in this episode, including

• any double meanings 
• any homophones (words which sound the same but which are different) 
• or any other little cultural details  

I have only had 

a very quick look 

at this list of jokes. 

I found this joke list on the website BoredPanda.com. There are 100 jokes in the list, but I’ve only seen about the first 15 jokes.

I haven’t seen the rest.  

So I am going to be reading most of these for the first time, so let’s discover these jokes together. 

Disclaimer: 

This might not be funny 

at all 😐

It’s necessary to say this again…

I will dissect these jokes. You might learn some English, 

but the jokes will probably die in the process. 

Sorry jokes, and sorry frogs. 

🐸

But don’t worry. No actual frogs will be harmed during the making of this episode.

And when I say “frogs” I’m not talking about French people 🇫🇷

“Dissecting the frog” or explaining jokes is something I’ve been doing on this podcast for years. 

by a listener called Evgenia

a T-shirt design by a listener called Adel (available in my merch store 

– the t-shirt I mean) 

www.teacherluke.co.uk/merch 

Click here to see this design in my merch store.

Let’s keep reading jokes until nobody can take it any more.

I’ll tell about 5 jokes, then I’ll explain them, and then I’ll continue with more jokes…

Click here for the joke list👇👇👇👇👇

100 Country Jokes To Kindle Your Wanderlust | Bored Panda

The Jokes (it’s a mixed bag)

1. England doesn’t have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
2. A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas.
   These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
3. A British man is visiting Australia. The customs agent asks him, “Do you have a criminal record?” The British man replies, “I didn’t think you needed one to get into Australia anymore.”
4. One day Canada will rule the world…
   Then you’ll all be sorry.
5. What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
   I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
6. Why do the French eat snails?
   They don’t like fast food.
7. Amsterdam is a lot like the Tour de France. Just a lot of people on drugs riding bikes.
8. I asked my friend in North Korea how he was.
   He said he can’t complain.
9. Germany and France go to war. Who loses?
   Belgium.
10. What do you call a vegan Viking?
    A Norvegan!
11. How do you get a Canadian to apologize?
    Step on their foot.
12. Which country’s capital is growing the fastest?
    Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin.
13. What does the Loch Ness monster eat?
    Fish and ships.
14. Want to hear a Swedish joke?
    Never mind. There’s Norway I could Finnish it.
15. What do frogs eat in Paris?
    French flies.
16. An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman enter a bar.
    The Englishmen wanted to go, so they all had to leave.
17. What do you call a bee that lives in America?
    A USB.
18. Why haven’t Americans changed their weighing method from pounds to kilograms?
    Because they don’t want mass confusion!
19. How does every Russian joke start?
    By looking over your shoulder.
20. I have a Russian friend who’s a sound technician.
    And a Czech one too. A Czech one too.
21. What kind of birds can you find in Portugal?
    Portugeese.
22. What was the most popular kids’ movie in Ancient Greece?
    Troy Story.
23. What is the most common scam in Egypt?
    Pyramid schemes.
24. What happened to the American who went to the hospital with a broken leg?
    He went broke.
25. In which country is Prague located?
    Hold on let me Czech.
26. Is “Africa” by Toto a country song?
    No, it’s a continent song.
27. What did the Kiwi say to the Rabbi?
    Hee Broo.
28. Did you hear about the Italian chef that died?
    He pasta way.
29. Germany once organized the International Fun Conference.
    It wasn’t funny but it was indeed well organized.
30. Two very old men of European nationality meet
    While talking, one asks: “You watching the football game?”
    The other says: “Who’s playing?”
    “Austria-Hungary”, says the first.
    “Against whom?”
31. An introverted Finn looks at his shoes when talking to you; an extroverted Finn looks at your shoes.
32. Why do bagpipe players walk while they play?
    To get away from the noise.
33. Why do all Swedish military ships have bar codes on them?
    So when the come to port, they can just Scan da navy in!
34. How was copper wire invented?
    Two Scotsmen fighting over a penny.
35. What are Greek houses made out of?
    Greeks and con-Crete!
36. Why is it hard to make friends in Antarctica?
    Because you can’t break the ice.
37. What pan is the best to make sushi in?
    Japan.
38. What will an Australian chess player say to a Czech person while making the winning move?
    Czech mate.
39. A friend in Germany tells me everyone’s panic buying sausages and cheese.
    It’s the Wurst Käse scenario.
40. What do you call a bunch of bullies from Malta?
    Maltesers.
41. Ever since my girlfriend moved to Siberia things haven’t been the same.
    She’s so cold and distant.
42. The Sahara Desert drifts into a bar and the bartender says…
    “Long time no sea.”
43. Did you hear about the Pole who thought his wife was trying to kill him? On her dressing table, he found a bottle of “Polish Remover.”
44. I’ve heard that Argentina is starting to get a little colder…
    In fact, it’s bordering on Chile.
45. What’s Santa’s nationality?
    North Polish.
46. What genre are national anthems?
    Country.
47. Did you hear McDonalds will stop serving fries in Switzerland?
    The Swiss don’t take sides.

Vocabulary List (listen to the episode for my explanations)

1. A kidney bank
2. Liver
3. A criminal record
4. A (big) plus
5. Snails
6. I can’t complain
7. To double in size
8. The Loch Ness monster
9. Bees, flies
10. Mass confusion
11. “Check one two, check one two”
12. One goose, two geese
    
13. A scam
14. A pyramid scheme
15. To go broke
16. To pass away
17. Barcodes
18. A pan
19. A worst-case scenario
20. To bully/tease someone
21. To be cold and distant
22. Nail polish remover
23. It’s bordering on chilly
24. A side of french fries