Category Archives: Humour

225. Film Club: “Taken”

This episode is all about the film “Taken” starring Liam Neeson as an ex-CIA agent who uses his ‘particular set of skills’ to save his daughter who is kidnapped while on a trip to Paris. Right-click here to download.

Small Donate ButtonYou might remember hearing me talking about this film in a recent episode of the podcast with my friend Corneliu. Remember that? Well, I’m a little bit obsessed by this film, and I talk about it in my stand-up shows, so I’ve decided to devote this episode just to this subject: The film Taken, starring Liam Neeson.

For ages on LEP I’ve been talking about doing episodes about films. I’ve done some movie themed episodes before, but this is the first episode in what I hope will become a series devoted to some classic moments from cinema history. (What Luke, another series – how many series have you started now? – accents, slang, British Comedy, Your English Podcast)
I’ve decided to call the series “Luke’s Film Club” or LFC. (Not Liverpool Football Club)
I could easily have called it “Luke’s Classic Movie Moments” but my brother thought that sounded too American, which put me off slightly. I quite like “Luke’s Classic Movie Moments” or LCMM, for short, so that is the other name of this series.
So, welcome to “Luke’s Film Club” or LFC, which is also known as Luke’s Classic Movie Moments, or LCMM.

taken-filmIn each episode in this series we’re going to look at a classic moment from the movies, and in this one I’ve decided to focus on “Taken” (2008) starring Liam Neeson. Director: Pierre Morel
Writers: Luc Besson, Robert Mark Kamen.

Plot synopsis: A retired CIA agent travels across Europe and relies on his old skills to save his estranged daughter, who has been kidnapped while on a trip to Paris.

Score on IMDB: 7.9/10
Score on Rotten Tomatoes: 58%

This is not one of the greatest works of cinema history. It’s certainly not Citizen Kane or The Godfather or anything. To be honest, it’s a slightly trashy exploitation thriller which pushsd emotional buttons in order to keep you engaged throughout. It has revived the career of Liam Neeson, who is a great actor with a lot of screen presence and gravity. I think Liam Neeson is one of the greatest actors of his generation. Perhaps his most famous role is from Schindler’s List, but he’s been in plenty of other movies and has worked with some of Hollywood’s top talent, including George Lucas, Ridley Scott and Christpher Nolan. Since making Taken, Neeson has become somewhat typecast as this kind of brooding, revenge obsessed middle aged man. He’s made several sequels (Taken 3 is coming soon) and a couple of other similar films since this one.

Now, why have I chosen to bang on about Taken for a whole episode. Well, if you’ve seen the film, you’ll probably agree that it was a wild ride – it’s a thrilling film, but when you think about it, it’s quite ridiculous, and has some very questionable ethics and undertones of racism. But for some reason we’re all expected to leave our brains at the door, and not think about that stuff too much. It pushes some rather strong emotional buttons, and that makes you ignore the dodgy politics and subtext of the film.

I expect a lot of you have seen it because it was a big hit around the world, but many of you won’t have seen it. If you haven’t seen it then don’t worry – I’ll explain the plot and other details you need to know. I should say “Spoiler alert” at this moment – which is something you say before you give away the details of the plot before people have seen it. Don’t worry though, because in my opinion it’s impossible for me to spoil this film. Honestly, it can’t be spoiled. If you’ve seen the trailer for the film you’ll know exactly what happens, and it’s still enjoyable. In fact, the title of the film tells you all you need to know: “Taken” – his daughter is taken (kidnapped) and he does everything he can to get her back. That’s it. It’s a ride, with very few surprises along the way. It does exactly what it says on the tin.
“It does exactly what it says on the tin”

So in this episode we’re going to hear a classic moment from this film, and then I’m going to give you my viewpoint on the film as a whole, and then we’ll go back to analyse some of the language in the classic scene.

You might be thinking: Luke, you’re thinking about it too much. Don’t over-analyse it. Well, I find it hard to leave my brain at the door when I see films and I don’t think I should. Why should I stop thinking when I see a film? No, I like to analyse and intellectualise films, and I LOVE to intellectualise trashy movies like this one. One of my favourite things is to sit around with friends and just take the piss out of a film while watching it. I studied films at university and I learned that any film can be analysed as a text and that everyone is free to take their own interpretation of a movie. I also love talking about films and popular culture in my stand-up routines and I find that they’re a great source of comedy.

So let’s deal with Taken.

1. The classic moment: “I will find you, and I will kill you.”

2. Taken: My point of view (it’s a rant really)

3. Intonation & Sentence stress from the classic scene. (plus some versions in different accents)

The Classic Moment -“I will find you, and I will kill you”
Liam Neeson is a retired CIA agent. While his daughter is on holiday in Paris she is kidnapped. He manages to speak to one of them on his mobile phone. This is his only opportunity to speak to the kidnappers and then save his daughter.

The speech

I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.

[after a long pause] Good luck.

Taken Kill Map

Here’s a review of “Taken” from my favourite film review podcast Mark Kermode & Simon Mayo’s Film Review.

222. Luke’s Late Night Podcast (Music Mix)

Take a musical trip through Luke’s hard-drive, in the middle of the night. Right-click here to download this episode.

Small Donate ButtonLate one night recently, I decided to record a podcast while randomly picking some pieces of music from my hard-drive and talking to you at the same time. This is the result.

There’s no language agenda in this episode in particular. It’s just me talking to you about various things while interspersing the episode with some music and other bits and pieces from my hard-drive.

Any music or other content in this episode is presented for educational purposes as part of my effort to aid people in their learning of English and culture.

Below you can read lyrics of some songs from this episode if you’d like to read to check your listening comprehension or pick up vocabulary.

Thanks for listening.

p.s. Competition Update: Voting closes this evening, and then I will count votes and eventually publish an episode with the names of the winner(s). Thanks for voting!

Song Lyrics

Arctic Monkeys – “Mardy Bum”
Buy “Mardy Bum” on iTunes here.
Well, now then Mardy Bum
I’ve seen your frown
And it’s like looking down the barrel of a gun
And it goes off
And out come all these words
Oh there’s a very pleasant side to you
A side I much prefer

It’s one that laughs and jokes around
Remember cuddles in the kitchen
Yeah, to get things off the ground
And it was up, up and away
Oh, but it’s right hard to remember
That on a day like today when you’re all argumentative
And you’ve got that face on

Well, now then Mardy Bum
Oh I’m in trouble again, aren’t I?
I thought as much
‘Cause you turned over there
Pulling that silent disappointment face
The one that I can’t bear

Well, can’t we just laugh and joke around
Remember cuddles in the kitchen
Yeah, to get things off the ground
And it was up, up and away
Oh, but it’s right hard to remember
That on a day like today when you’re all argumentative
And you’ve got that face on

Yeah I’m sorry I was late
But I missed the train
And then the traffic was a state
And I can’t be arsed to carry on in this debate
That reoccurs, oh when you say I don’t care
But of course I do, yeah I clearly do!

So laugh and joke around
Remember cuddles in the kitchen
Yeah, to get things off the ground
And it was up, up and away
Oh, but it’s right hard to remember
That on a day like today when you’re all argumentative
And you’ve got that face on

Black Sabbath – “The Wizard”
Buy “The Wizard on iTunes here.
Misty morning, clouds in the sky
Without warning, the wizard walks by
Casting his shadow, weaving his spell
Funny clothes, tinkling bell

Never talking
Just keeps walking
spreading his magic

Evil power disappears
Demons worry when the wizard is near
He turns tears into joy
Everyone’s happy when the wizard walks by

Never talking
Just keeps walking
spreading his magic

Sun is shining, clouds have gone by
All the people give a happy sigh
He has passed by, giving his sign
Left all the people feeling so fine

Never talking
Just keeps walking
spreading his magic

Charles Bukowski – “The Life of the King”
Unfortunately I can’t find the lyrics to this, but here is a video featuring Bukowski reading his poem “The Life of the King”, if you’d like to listen to it again.

Curtis Mayfield – “Pusherman”
Buy “Pusherman” in iTunes here.
I’m your mama, I’m your daddy,
I’m that nigga in the alley.
I’m your doctor when in need.
Want some coke? Have some weed.
You know me, I’m your friend,
Your main boy, thick and thin.
I’m your pusherman.

Ain’t I clean, bad machine
Super cool, super mean
Dealin’ good, for The Man.
Superfly, here I stand.
Secret stash, heavy bread,
Baddest bitches in the bed,
I’m your pusherman

Silent life of crime
A man of odd circumstance,
A victim of ghetto demands.
Feed me money for style
And I’ll let you trip for a while.
Insecure from the past,
How long can a good thing last?
No, no, no

Got to be mellow, y’all
Got to get mellow, now
Pusherman gettin’ mellow, y’all

Heavy mind, every sign
Makin’ money all the time
My LD and just me
For all junkies to see
Ghetto Prince is my thing
Makin’ love’s how I swing
I’m your pusherman

Two bags, please
For a generous fee
Make your world what you want it to be
Got a woman I love desperately
Wanna give her somethin’ better than me
Been told I can’t be nuthin’ else
Just a hustler in spite of myself
I know I can break it
This life just don’t make it
Lord, Lord, yeah

Got to get mellow, now
Gotta be mellow, y’all
Got to get mellow, now

I’m your mama, I’m your daddy,
I’m that nigga in the alley.
I’m your doctor when in need.
Want some coke? Have some weed.
You know me, I’m your friend,
Your main boy, thick and thin.
I’m your pusherman.
I’m your pusherman.
I’m your pusherman.
I’m your pusherman.
Lord, Lord

Victor Wooten – “Music as a Language” Click here for a version with subtitles.

221. A Cup of Tea with Corneliu Dragomirescu (Part 2)

Here’s the rest of my conversation with “The Son of the Dragon Tamer”. Right-click here to download this episode. Click here to listen to part 1.

In Part 2
– The difference “pleasshure” and “pleasure”, “bio” and “B.O.”
– The importance of ‘passion’ in France
– Jamie Oliver’s (fake?) cockney accent
– British & American English
– Corneliu’s experiences in America, his acting and his accent
– Corneliu’s learning experiences with a great teacher when he was a child
– The interesting course-book (Essential English for Foreign Students by C. E. Eckersley) which Corneliu used in his English lessons
– The myth of ‘the English gentleman’
– Depictions of Englishness in films
– Stereotypes of Romania
– Romania & Bulgaria’s entry into the EU and the media panic related to migrant workers
– Vampires, Dracula and Romania

Please leave your comments in response to this episode! We want to read your thoughts here. Thank you!
Essential English for Foreign Students by C. E. ECKERSLEY

220. A Cup of Tea with Corneliu Dragomirescu

aka “The Son of the Dragon Tamer!” or “The guy with the longest name ever on LEP”
*The conversation starts at 11.39 – so please skip my introduction if you like* Right-click here to download.

Small Donate ButtonThis is one of those episodes in which I invite a friend onto the podcast and we chat about various things. I like these episodes because it gives me a chance to get to know someone on the podcast, and you can listen to some natural free-flowing conversation in English.

Let me tell you a bit about Corneliu. He is a film maker and comedian originally from Romania. He lives in France now where he writes, directs, produces and acts in films and television projects. Corneliu is a polyglot (he speaks Romanian, French and English), he’s a movie-buff and an he’s an all-round great conversationalist and therefore is the perfect guest for another episode of LEP.

Corneliu also has the longest name of anyone ever to appear on LEP so far. His name (first name and surname, but not including middle names) has 9 syllables in it. As far as I know, that’s longest so far on LEP. It’s not a competition or anything – I mean, that’s not the purpose of LEP – to find the guy with the longest name, but still, it’s an achievement of sorts.

Speaking of competitions – thank you for voting for your favourite recordings in the YEP! series of podcasts – episodes 211-218. I’m getting votes all the time. Voting closes at midnight Paris time on 30th September of this year, that’s 2014. I’ll then count the votes and announce the winners – yes, winners. I’ve decided that there will be a winner from each episode. That’s how I roll, okay? Also, if you were wondering about how I will be counting votes, and if I can prevent people voting for themselves again and again – I can see unique codes for every person who comments, so I know when comments are coming from the same computer again and again. I’m not going to count votes which are obviously repeated votes from the same computer, either intentional ones or accidental ones. So, you can put your mind at rest on that one, if indeed you had been thinking about it.

Thank you too if you have left a comment on my last episode which was about Scottish Independence. It’s great to see that lots of people are interested in this subject, and can see parallels with the situations in their countries too in some cases. The referendum is going to take place tomorrow. We’re all waiting with bated breath to see what happens. Will Scotland leave the union? Is the UK as we know it going to change forever? Will the Scottish people make the right decision? Only time will tell.

Now, let’s get back to this episode. Corneliu is an awesome bloke with a proficient level of English and I’m really happy to have him on the podcast. I invited him into the flat and onto the podcast with the intention of asking him some of the usual questions, such as “What do you do?”, “How did you manage to learn English to your current level?”, “Could you tell us about the common myths around your home country?” We ended up chatting for something like 2 hours and got sidetracked by all kinds of interesting things including films, his son, the fall of communism in Romania and 90s pop music. In fact, it felt like it was hard to contain the inspiration in this episode, and the conversation flowed very freely. I hope that comes through in this episode.

Sometimes I find it a bit tricky to begin an episode, and I have to work out a little introduction, but in this one we had already been chatting over a pot of tea for about half an hour and I just hit the record button mid conversation, so we just hit the ground running at the beginning. If you “hit the ground running” it means you start when you’re already moving or in progress. Imagine running in the air, and then you fall, you’d hit the ground running and you’d immediately be off at some speed. That’s what happened in this episode – we hit the ground running because we were already quite deep in conversation and I just hit the record button. That’s why the episode begins quite abruptly.

You will hear a bit of strong language at the beginning – so be prepared for that. I say the “F” word quite early on. What’s the “F” word? Well… it’s the word “Fuck” isn’t it? It’s a bit silly to call it the “F” word – but I suppose it’s a way of referring to the word without actually saying it, because, you know that is a very rude word which you shouldn’t use because it’s not big and it’s not clever. I realise that I’ve just said the word, just a second ago, which defeats the purpose of warning you about the word in the first place… Anyway, you’ll hear me say it in a moment, in the form of the noun phrase “a fuck up” or “a couple of fuck ups”. “to make a fuck up” (noun phrase) = a mistake or “to fuck something up” (verb phrase) = to do something badly, to make a mess of something, to make an error and ruin something. It’s a versatile word – but remember, just because you’ve heard it on LEP it doesn’t mean you should start throwing it around in conversation. Ok, I don’t mean to patronise you, I just felt it was necessary to say that. Anyway, let’s now join my conversation with my mate Corneliu. And here it is…

In Part 1:
– Hitting the ground running, and talking about the challenges of beginning an episode of LEP
– How to say Corneliu’s full name, and how it actually means ‘son of the dragon tamer’, and how awesome that is
– How we know each other
– My (slight) obsession with the film “Taken” starring Liam Neeson
– Fatherhood, Star Wars and how lack of sleep caused Darth Vader turned to the dark side of the force
– The birth of Corneliu’s son Alexander
– The fall of communism in Romania and the film “Independence Day”
– The shock of discovering that Milli Vanilli were fake
– The effect of pop music & capitalist culture on Romania after communism
– Throwing a TV out of a window
– Seeing Hollywood films in Romania in the early 90s
– “Chaplin” by Richard Attenborough, starring Robert Downey Junior
– Martin Scorsese
– Summarising what we’ve said in part 1 so far!

Coming Up In Part 2 (soon):
– The difference “pleasshure” and “pleasure”, “bio” and “B.O.”
– The importance of ‘passion’ in France
– Jamie Oliver’s (fake?) cockney accent
– British & American English
– Corneliu’s experiences in America, his acting and his accent
– Corneliu’s learning experiences with a great teacher when he was a child
– The interesting course-book which Corneliu used in his English lessons
– The myth of ‘the English gentleman’
– Depictions of Englishness in films
– Stereotypes of Romania
– Romania & Bulgaria’s entry into the EU and the media panic related to migrant workers
– Vampires, Dracula and Romania

Please leave your comments in response to this episode! We want to read your thoughts here. Thank you!

210. A Cup of Tea with Noman Hosni

Conversation & language feedback with comedian Noman Hosni. Right-click here to download.

Small Donate ButtonHi everyone. Just before starting this episode, I would like to say a very special thank you to all of the people who have entered my competition, which is entitled “Your English Podcast”. I have received about 80 recordings in total, and very soon you’ll be able to listen to them all and then vote for your favourites. So, hold on because the special competition podcasts are coming soon. But now, let’s get started with this episode, which is number 210. Let’s go!

Hello, and welcome to LEP. How are you? I hope you’re well. Hello to all my long-term listeners, or LEPPERS as you are affectionately known. “Why is he calling them LEPPERS?” That’s “Luke’s English Podcasters” or “Luke’s English Podcast People”, or LEPPERS, if you were wondering. If you are new to this podcast, then welcome! This is a podcast specifically designed for learners of English. My name is Luke. It’s my podcast. That’s why it’s called Luke’s English Podcast. I am an English teacher & a comedian from London and with this podcast I aim to help you improve your English while also entertaining you and hopefully making you laugh a little bit in the process. I have loads of listeners from all around the world – so welcome to the community of Luke’s English Podcast people, or LEPPERS – welcome to the LEPPER community, welcome to the club! I sincerely hope you enjoy the podcast and that it helps you get a grip on your English by practising some proper authentic listening! Don’t forget to visit teacherluke.co.uk where you can get lots more information including how to download the podcast, how to find the archive of over 200 previous episodes, how to subscribe to the podcast on iTunes and how to find transcripts and notes for episodes of this magical, wonderful, fantastic, exceptional, modest, and unashamedly self-promoting FREE podcast!

Today’s Guest is Noman Hosni
Sometimes I have guests on the show, and we just have a free-flowing conversation in English for your enjoyment & listening practice. Today my guest is a very funny friend of mine called Noman Hosni. Let me tell you a little bit about him. Noman was born in France but he has a multinational background. His father is from Tunisia, his mum is from Iraq, he spent much of his childhood growing up in Switzerland and these days he is spending more and more time in London where he works as a professional stand-up comedian – a lot of my guests are comedians as you may have noticed – and Noman regularly entertains audiences in French in Paris and now in English in the UK too. I think he’s a very funny guy indeed, he always entertains me when I see him performing on stage and I’m very happy to have him on the podcast in this episode. The plan is just to have a bit of a chat with Noman Hosni, but also to find out about his background, his learning English experiences and some of the funny misunderstandings he’s had when trying to speak to people in English.

Noman’s English
Now, before we go any further. Let’s talk for a moment about English. Noman is a similar case to Yacine from episode 182, if you remember him. I’ve invited Noman on the podcast in this episode even though, admittedly, his English is not ‘perfect’ because I’m just impressed by him as a learner of English and I generally just enjoy his company. I think that’s enough as a justification. I don’t really need to justify having particular guests on the show do I? No I don’t, but nevertheless here are a few things that occur to me when I think about Noman and his approach to learning English, and these are a few things that you can consider while listening to this episode:
– Noman knows that he has to learn English by actively using it to achieve something. He does this by not only performing stand-up in English but also by going out of his way to have conversations in English, even if he gets into some slightly embarrassing situations and misunderstandings sometimes – you’ll have to listen to the rest of this podcast to find out more about that. So, the point is, he doesn’t mind making a fool of himself sometimes, because he realises that the reward is a more rapid improvement in his English. He’s prepared to go out of his comfort zone in order to develop his English skills.
– He is really serious about learning English, but he approaches it with a sense of play – I mean, he’s aware of the value of just playing around in English. Sometimes just fooling around and having fun in English is a great way to break down your lack of confidence. The point is – there’s nothing to be afraid of because we’re just having fun. That’s a good attitude that you can adopt when practising your speaking I think. It allows you to open up, improvise and enjoy expressing yourself with the language.
– He’s serious about learning English, but he doesn’t take himself too seriously, and I think that really helps with his confidence.
– I think he’s really funny (although that is subjective, but I’m not alone in finding him funny – he’s a pro) even if his English is not 100% perfect. So, what that means to me is that, he’s already achieving a lot in English and he doesn’t let his mistakes hold him back. His English may not be perfect, but he is communicating successfully.

Now, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t try to avoid making errors. Of course, you’ve got to try to iron out your mistakes to improve, and yes, Noman makes a few language errors in our conversation, as you might notice. That’s certainly not a crime or anything, and it’s all part of the learning process but I am going to correct his mistakes at the end of this podcast so that you can all learn from any errors he makes. I asked him if he minded that, and he said it was fine and that he thought it would be funny actually. Okay, so let’s embarrass Noman by correcting all his errors! No, he really doesn’t mind actually. So, if you do notice errors in Noman’s speech, don’t worry because you will hear error correction and language feedback after our conversation. Do keep listening all the way until the end because the language feedback will be really useful to listen to. You can learn from Noman’s errors. I’ll try to make sure the podcast doesn’t go on for too long so I’ll keep the language analysis brief yet insightful. So, hold tight, enjoy the interview, and stick around for the error correction, and Noman, if you’re listening – do pay attention at the end, you might learn to avoid a few common errors! And next time, you can help me with my French or even my Arabic pronunciation. OK? Alright, it’s a deal, and I’m assuming that you’ve said yes to that deal by the way. What I’m saying is, Noman, you owe me a French lesson, whether you like it or not.

So, enjoy the episode everyone – the interview, and then the language feedback afterwards. Cheers!

Noman Hosni Online
Click here for Noman’s website: http://www.noman.ch
Click here for Noman’s Instagram where he posts videos every day: http://instagram.com/nomanhosni
Click here for more of Noman’s content on Vine: https://vine.co/u/1053524188788891648

Error Correction & Language Feedback
With Noman’s permission, here are some language errors that he made in the interview, with corrections. Listen to the podcast to hear my more detailed corrections.

By the way, this might seem like a lot of errors, but if you compare it to the number of good things & correct things he said, it’s not much at all. Also, I know that many of these are just ‘slips’ rather than proper errors. I mean, Noman will kick himself when he hears some of this because he knows what’s right and wrong, but in the heat of the moment errors will just slip out. Anyway, let’s start.

1. I can smell the saliva of a lot of people. “Saliva” – sa-lee-va /sæli:væ/.
It should be sa-lai-va – /səlaɪvə/

2. What I said before is on the record. “record” – ree-cord – /ˈri:kɔ:d/.
It should be “on the re-cord” – /ˈrekɔ:d/.
/ˈrikɔ:d/ – that’s the verb. “I’m going to record another podcast”

3. He say… and I say…
He said… and I said…

4. From downstairs it don’t look so high. I see the balcony so high.
From downstairs it didn’t look so high. I saw (that) the balcony was really high.

5. You’re not in the good podcast right now.
You’re not listening to the right podcast right now. (Of course I disagree – you’re always listening to the right podcast, when you’re listening to Luke’s English Podcast)

6. “If you broke your leg, just stay down”
If you break your leg, just stay down.

7. It went good.
It went well. Although this is fine in American English (so is it wrong or right? – good question for a DEBATE)

8. One of my first gig.
One of my first gigs.

9. I was trying to put a lot of energy to remove my french accent.
I was trying to put a lot of energy into removing my french accent. To put a lot of energy into doing something.

10. I do a lot of mistakes.
I make a lot of mistakes. (That’s an ironic mistake to make)

11. I write everything and I’ve learn it to make sure there are no mistakes in my English.
I wrote everything (down) and I learned it to make sure (that) there were no mistakes in my English – That’s if he was talking about one instance in the past.

12. Don’t tell to the crowd that I’m French.
Don’t tell the crowd that I’m French.

13. He said me that, and I said, “I fail”.
He told me that and I said, “I failed”.

14. I was not raised by an English person who got an accent.
I was not raised by an English person who had an accent. “Have got” is the same as “have” but we don’t use it in the past. In the past, forget about ‘got’ for possession.

15. Some term are confusing.
Some terms are confusing.

16. There’s some term that doesn’t exist in the dictionary.
There are some terms that don’t exist in the dictionary.

17. You have to masterise all the tools.
You have to master all the tools.

18. It’s the first time I went in London to do a gig in English.
It was the first time I’d been to London to do a gig in English. (Providing background context for an event in the past – the event is the taxi conversation, the context is the line about his first time in London)

19. He seems to be not very agree with me.
He didn’t seem to agree with me. (Remember not to use ‘be’ with ‘agree’)

21. When I realise, I don’t want to correct him.
When I realised, I didn’t want to correct him. (Repeat it for muscle memory)

22. She thought I’m British. I don’t want to embarrass her.
She thought I was British. I didn’t want to embarrass her.

23. We are in Paris actually but maybe you’ll listen to this in 2 years and maybe we will not.
We’re in Paris at the moment (or currently) but maybe you’ll listen to this in 2 years and then maybe we won’t be.

24. Two years ago I can’t imagine that I have this conversation with you.
Two years ago I couldn’t have imagined that I would be having this conversation with you now.

25. I keep talking about another subject. (past)
I kept talking about another subject.
I kept changing the subject.

26. English crowd are more easy to laugh.
English audiences laugh more easily.
It’s easier to make English audiences laugh.

27. I’m agree, I’m impressed.
I agree.

28. Every time someone kill people…
Every time someone kills people…

29. I put energy on it.
I put energy into it.

30. When I speak to English person.
When I speak to English people.

31. I’m keeping push it on my accent.
I’m putting pressure on my accent.
I keep pushing my accent.

32. It was in purpose.
It was on purpose.

33. One of the only things I could remember was the warm.
One of the only things I could remember was the heat.

203. A Cup of Tea with Peter Sidell (The Flatmate from Japan)

English teacher, travel writer, stand-up comic, learner of Japanese, DJ, native English speaker, Machester City fan and former flatmate of Luke from Luke’s English Podcast – Peter Sidell is a guy who keeps himself busy!

[DOWNLOAD AUDIO]
Small Donate Button
I lived with Peter in Tsujidou, Japan for nearly a year. I left at the end of 2003 and he stayed there and I hadn’t seen him for about 11 years until he recently visited Paris and we got the chance to catch up with each other again. Of course I jumped at the chance to interview Peter for LEP, and you can now listen to our conversation here, now.

www.japantravel.com
Peter is a regular contributor to www.japantravel.com where you can read articles and travel advice for Japan. Are you thinking of going to Japan, or would you like to read some interesting articles about Japan in English? Just click www.japantravel.com to find out more. To see a list of articles written by Peter, click here.

During our chat you’ll hear us talking about such things as:
– Peter’s tourist activities in Paris (visiting galleries and looking at ‘crazy modern art’, drinking wine at lunchtime, attempting to deal with waiters)
– The day we first met each other in a McDonalds in 2003
– Living as an ex-pat in Japan
– Where Peter is from, and his accent
– Learning Japanese
– Cultural differences between the UK and Japan
– How it feels to go back to England after living in Japan for years
– Japantravel.com
– Destinations Peter has travelled to
– Doing stand-up in Japan
– How it feels to experience earthquakes in Japan
– The beauty of Mt Fuji seen from Hayama beach
– Luis Suarez

Thanks for listening :)10589716_10152725560062494_74912480_n
222618_5130717493_5217_n

202. British Comedy: Monty Python & The Holy Grail

[The Constitutional Peasants Scene] Here’s another episode about Monty Python’s Flying Circus, and in this one we’re going to be covering some very interesting topics, such as medieval history, old myths legends & folklore, the British monarchy, marxism and radical politics. In terms of language we’re going to look at some old fashioned formal poetic language, some political vocabulary and also some intonation and sentence stress, and we’ll be doing all of that while understanding and hopefully enjoying a funny scene from a classic British comedy film. So, you really are getting everything in this episode (well, maybe not everything but you know what I mean). A lot of this is transcribed at teacherluke.co.uk. If you find this episode on the website you’ll also see a video, a script for that video and more information. So let’s get started. Right-click here to download this episode.

Small Donate Button
Last time I did an episode about Monty Python we had a look at a sketch from the TV show. There are many more sketches which I hope to come back to in the future, but in this episode I’m going to focus on a scene from their first feature film, which is called “Monty Python & The Holy Grail”.

As a reminder: Do consider purchasing MP DVDs, CDs, audio & video downloads and even tickets to see live a live broadcast of their stage show. Details here: http://www.montypythonlive.com

Please remember – this is not a blog post, but an audio podcast episode. To get the full explanations and detail of this episode, you should listen to the whole podcast episode!

Monty Python & The Holy Grail
When was it made, who directed it, and all that stuff?
In 1975. It was written by all the Monty Python team but was directed by Terry Gilliam and Terry Jones. The two Terries were quite controlling & ambitious and decided they wanted to be in charge of the film, and in fact, during the production I think they agreed that the film could be directed by anyone called ‘Terry’, as an effort to keep control of the film.

What’s it about?
It’s about King Arthur’s search for the Holy Grail. It’s set in the 10th century – the middle ages, or ‘dark ages’, a time of mystery and legend! King Arthur is a legendary King of Britain. The legend of Arthur dates back to the 5th & 6th centuries and the story of Arthur has been told many times since. Historians disagree about whether Arthur really existed or not. In the stories, Arthur is said to be the magical leader who defended Britain against real and supernatural enemies. He carried a magical sword called Excalibur, which was given to him by a mysterious spirit known as The Lady of the Lake. The Lady of the Lake is an important figure in the Arthurian legend – she’s a kind of magical woman who got her powers from the wizard Merlin. She’s a bit like Galadriel in the Lord of the Rings stories. In Arthur’s story, This lady emerges from a lake, holding Excalibur and then presents it to Arthur, and in so doing chooses him as the rightful leader of the Britons. It’s hardly a democratic way to choose the executive commander of Britain, but that’s how things were done back in the 5th century!

The Grail in this story is another aspect of Arthurian legend. Apparently, this grail once carried the blood of Jesus, and was sent by Joseph to Britain where it would be protected. Perhaps this is true, perhaps this is just a myth, but the grail is still a potent symbol in British folklore, either as a connection to Jesus, or as a magical cup which can give magical powers to whoever drinks from it (it’s the same cup in the Indiana Jones movie “Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade”)

What happens in the film?
Arthur is sent on a mission by God to find the Holy Grail.
He travels around Britain, visiting castles and collecting a group of knights to help him on his quest.
It’s just an excuse to visit lots of old castles and film a bunch of medieval themed sketches.
Most of it was filmed in Scotland, and the scenery is absolutely beautiful.
It was filmed on a budget of just $400,000, which is tiny in comparison to today’s standards. The Hangover 3, for example, had a budget of $103 million!
The film was financed partly by rock stars Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin and Elton John.
It’s now considered one of the funniest British comedy films of all time, and in 2005 it was used by Eric Idle as the basis for the Monty Python musical “Spamalot” which you can see in theatres in London and around the world.
There are a few classic sketches in the film, and I’d like to play one of them for you.

“Constitutional Peasants” – King Arthur Has an Argument with Some Left-Wing Peasants
Arthur is travelling the land, trying to recruit knights to join him on his quest. He visits lots of castles. In this scene, he is approaching a castle, and meets some peasants working on the land. The peasants appear to just be collecting mud & filth from the floor in a field. They’re disgusting & dirty, and yet surprisingly articulate in the language of politics (which is part of the joke). King Arthur decides to ask them for information about the owner of the castle. The peasants don’t give him any useful information. Instead he gets into an argument with one of the peasants about the constitution, monarchy, democratic government and the oppression of the masses in an absolute monarchy.

Constitutional Peasants – Video (you’ll find a script below)

What’s So Funny About This?
One of the funny things about this scene is the anachronism (I mean, the fact that different time periods are mixed up). The king is from the medieval period, but the peasants are basically modern working class people. So it mixes up people from different time periods. The scene also mixes two different speech registers and two different political ideologies as the characters represent different political systems, and we see them argue. It’s unexpected because peasants in the middle ages were unaware of Marxist ideology, and certainly wouldn’t have been intelligent or educated enough to criticise the system in such an articulate way. Arthur speaks in a poetic & medieval way, and represents the system of absolute monarchy which was in place at the time. The peasant speaks like a modern left-wing radical using ideas founded by Karl Marx in the 19th century.

It’s also a joke about conventions of movies or stories set in medieval times in which peasants are always presented as old, dirty and inarticulate servants of the king. When these peasants speak like Marxists from the modern era, it’s quite a surprising & amusing shock.

I realise that now I’ve explained this scene, you probably won’t find it that funny, because explaining humour takes all the immediate fun out of it, but so be it. If you get the humour, good for you! The main thing is: We’re learning English aren’t we, so let’s focus on understanding the scene before trying to see the funny side. This scene is very rich in vocabulary, in either a poetic medieval register, or the language of left-wing politics. Listen to it once to see if you understand it all, and then I’ll explain it all to you afterwards. If you find any of it funny, then that’s a bonus as far as I’m concerned. :)

Vocabulary & Explanations
So, in a nutshell, King Arthur wants to know who lives in the castle, and he asks a couple of peasants, but they don’t help him. Instead he gets involved in an irritating argument about the exploitation of the working classes in this medieval monarchy.

Concepts
There are a few concepts which we need to study in order to fully appreciate this scene. Let’s look at some of those concepts before listening to the scene again. These concepts relate to different constitutional frameworks – I mean, different ways in which a country can be run. We’re talking about political systems like ‘absolute monarchy’, ‘democracy’, ‘Marxism’ and ‘anarchism’.

Absolute Monarchy – in this case a king (monarch) is not elected, but gets their supreme power by divine provenance. This means that the monarch has a special agreement with god. God has chosen the monarch to be the leader of these people. Usually, this is tied to old mythical stories which involve some supernatural intervention in which the king is chosen by god. In the case of King Arthur this was when he was given a holy sword (Excalibur) by a magical & mythical woman called The Lady of the Lake. The story goes that this lady is a kind of supernatural & mythical spirit who holds magical and religious authority. In the story she walks out of a lake and presents Arthur with his magical sword, which signifies that he is the divine ruler of Britain. Most monarchies justify their existence by suggesting they have some kind of special connection to god. In this sketch, Arthur believes he is the rightful ruler of the Britons because of his divine right given by god.

Democracy – in this case, the people give executive power (decision making power) to a representative by voting for him/her. The people give this leader a ‘mandate’ – which means a responsibility to run the country. It’s the government by the people, of the people and for the people. Churchill said that democracy is not perfect, but it’s better than the alternatives. In the UK today we have a democratic monarchy, which is basically a democracy (we vote for MPs in elections) but with a monarch as head of state with almost no executive power. The Queen has very minor powers, and she doesn’t exercise them. It’s like there is an understanding between parliament and the monarchy that the monarch just lets parliament run the country. The monarch doesn’t interfere. That’s the way our country works. Some people are concerned that Prince Charles might decide to exercise his power if/when he becomes king, which could cause a constitutional crisis, but that’s another story for another time.

Marxism – this isn’t really a constitutional system, but an political ideology, or a way of understanding the way in which most industrial/post-industrial capitalist systems work. Karl Marx was a German born philosopher, economist, sociologist and historian who basically stated that the ruling classes manage to maintain control of the system by owning the means of production, and that the working classes are therefore dominated and repressed. The only way in which true equality can exist is if the people own their own land, their own factories and the means of producing goods. His ideas formed the basis of many left-wing political models including communism, and also form the basis of many criticisms of the capitalist system in general. In the UK, we sometimes associate Marxist ideologies with certain types of people. Although their views may be valid, I think most ordinary people find Marxists to be a bit extreme and even boring – banging on about politics and the class system all the time, while not necessarily doing anything about it.

Anarchism – this is the idea that there should be no leaders at all, and in fact no formalised system of government or state at all. Instead, local communities should be run by free and open groups with no leader. The idea is, that formalised governments, or power structures are essentially corrupting – that when power is given to one or several representatives, elected or not, that this ultimately will corrupt them and that this leads to inequality. So, anarchists argue that there should be no system at all, and that people should be free to govern themselves in a completely open way – without adopting any kind of political ideology or dogma. For me, in principle this sounds great, but on a practical level it sounds chaotic, confusing and impractical. Ultimately, it would be great to remove the corrupting power of government, but are we ready for it? We’d need an intelligent and activated population. Education is key. The problem, to an extent, is that many people don’t really care about these issues and instead just find political discussion boring, therefore making it very hard for true anarchy to take effect. A bit like Marxism, many people find anarchists to be either boring, confusing or somehow threatening to normal life.

Vocabulary
OK, so we’ve looked at some ideological concepts at the heart of this sketch, but we’re not finished because there’s plenty of language to deal with too. It’s complex isn’t it!? You see – British comedy is intelligent and deep, particularly Monty Python. It’s not just weird.

Here’s some vocabulary that you should know in order to understand this sketch further. Remember that Arthur speaks in old fashioned language, and Dennis the peasant speaks like a modern man with radical political opinions. Listen to the episode to hear all the bold words defined.

What knight lives in that castle over there?
– a knight is (in the Middle Ages) a man who served his sovereign or lord as a mounted soldier in armour. In this context it means a leader.
you automatically treat me like an inferior

exploiting the workers!
– exploiting means to benefit unfairly from the work of (someone), typically by overworking or underpaying them: “women are exploited in the workplace”.

hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society
-dogma = a principle or set of principles laid down by an authority as incontrovertibly true: the dogmas of faith | [ mass noun ] : “the rejection of political dogma”.

Dennis, there’s some lovely filth down here.

I didn’t know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous collective.
– autonomous = • having the freedom to act independently: “school governors are legally autonomous”.

You’re fooling yourself. We’re living in a dictatorship: a self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes–
– an autocracy = a system of government by one person with absolute power.

Oh, there you go bringing class into it again.

Please! Please, good people. I am in haste. Who lives in that castle?

Dennis: I told you. We’re an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week,…
Arthur: Yes.
Dennis: …but all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting…
Arthur: Yes, I see.
Dennis: …by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs,…
Arthur: Be quiet!
Dennis: …but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more major–
– ratify = sign or give formal consent to (a treaty, contract, or agreement), making it officially valid. “both countries were due to ratify the treaty by the end of the year”.
– a simple majority = this candidate receives more votes than anyone else (but it doesn’t have to be more than 50% of all votes cast) e.g. if Obama, Bush & Clinton are in an election and Clinton gets 40% and Obama & Bush get 30% each, Clinton gets a simple majority. She just gets more votes than the others.
– a two-thirds majority = at least 66% of all the votes
– an absolute majority = at least 51% of all votes

Woman: Well, how did you become King, then?
Arthur: The Lady of the Lake,… [angels sing] …her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. [singing stops] That is why I am your king!
– samite = a rich silk fabric interwoven with gold and silver threads, used for dressmaking and decoration in the Middle Ages.

Dennis: Listen. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

I mean, if I went round saying I was an emperor just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they’d put me away!

Dennis: Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help! Help! I’m being repressed!
Arthur: Bloody peasant!
Dennis: Oh, what a give-away. Did you hear that? Did you hear that, eh? That’s what I’m on about. Did you see him repressing me? You saw it, didn’t you?

What I love about this is that it’s a well written script, with different types of English and it manages to mock both the idea of a medieval monarchy, and also the irritating verbosity of political radicals. Monty Python are making fun of history & taking the piss out of everyone, while at the same time celebrating the language. Complex language, delivered at speed by colourful characters is at the heart of the humour in this sketch.

Intonation & Sentence Stress
I really enjoy the performances in this scene – particularly Michael Palin who plays Dennis the peasant. The lines are delivered with quite exaggerated and characterful intonation and sentence stress. To highlight this, I’m going to read the script of this scene, just to make it a bit clearer. You could listen to the original version again in order to, hopefully, appreciate it a bit more.

Constitutional Peasants – Script
Arthur: Old woman!
Dennis: Man!
Arthur: Man. Sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there?
Dennis: I’m thirty-seven.
Arthur: I– what?
Dennis: I’m thirty-seven. I’m not old.
Arthur: Well, I can’t just call you ‘Man’.
Dennis: Well, you could say ‘Dennis’.
Arthur: Well, I didn’t know you were called ‘Dennis’.
Dennis: Well, you didn’t bother to find out, did you?
Arthur: I did say ‘sorry’ about the ‘old woman’, but from the behind you looked–
Dennis: What I object to is that you automatically treat me like an inferior!
Arthur: Well, I am King!
Dennis: Oh, King, eh, very nice. And how do you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers! By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society. If there’s ever going to be any progress with the–
Woman: Dennis, there’s some lovely filth down here. Oh! How d’you do?
Arthur: How do you do, good lady? I am Arthur, King of the Britons. Whose castle is that?
Woman: King of the who?
Arthur: The Britons.
Woman: Who are the Britons?
Arthur: Well, we all are. We are all Britons, and I am your king.
Woman: I didn’t know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous collective.
Dennis: You’re fooling yourself. We’re living in a dictatorship: a self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes–
Woman: Oh, there you go bringing class into it again.
Dennis: That’s what it’s all about. If only people were aware of–
Arthur: Please! Please, good people. I am in haste. Who lives in that castle?
Woman: No one lives there.
Arthur: Then who is your lord?
Woman: We don’t have a lord.
Arthur: What?
Dennis: I told you. We’re an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week,…
Arthur: Yes.
Dennis: …but all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting…
Arthur: Yes, I see.
Dennis: …by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs,…
Arthur: Be quiet!
Dennis: …but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more major–
Arthur: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!
Woman: Order, eh? Who does he think he is? Heh.
Arthur: I am your king!
Woman: Well, I didn’t vote for you.
Arthur: You don’t vote for kings.
Woman: Well, how did you become King, then?
Arthur: The Lady of the Lake,… [angels sing] …her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. [singing stops] That is why I am your king!
Dennis: Listen. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
Arthur: Be quiet!
Dennis: Well, but you can’t expect to wield supreme executive power just ’cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!
Arthur: Shut up!
Dennis: I mean, if I went round saying I was an emperor just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they’d put me away!
Arthur: Shut up, will you? Shut up!
Dennis: Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system.
Arthur: Shut up!
Dennis: Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help! Help! I’m being repressed!
Arthur: Bloody peasant!
Dennis: Oh, what a give-away. Did you hear that? Did you hear that, eh? That’s what I’m on about. Did you see him repressing me? You saw it, didn’t you?

201. Nikolay Kulikov: A Russian Comedian in London

Nikolay Kulikov is an award-winning Russian screenwriter and stand-up comedian. This year he spent a couple of months living in London (and also briefly in Dublin) performing stand-up comedy. I saw one of his performances in English on video and thought he was very funny! So, I decided to contact him for an interview to find out more about him, his experiences learning English, his views on performing to British & Irish people, and how he feels about life in Russia these days. I hope you enjoy the episode! **Please be aware that this episode features some rude language and swearing** Right-click here to download.

Small Donate Button
Here is an email I sent to Nikolay, inviting him to be on the podcast, and his reply:

Dear Nikolay,

My name is Luke Thompson and I am an English teacher and stand-up comedian. I do a podcast called Luke’s English Podcast. It has listeners all around the world, and many of them are from Russia. Recently one of my Russian listeners sent me a message with a video of you performing stand-up in Ireland. I thought it was really funny. You’ve got great jokes and a lot of talent.

I was wondering if I could interview you by Skype some time and feature the interview on the podcast. Essentially, I’m interested in your story. How did you learn English? What made you start doing stand-up? Where have you performed around the world? How is your comedy received in Russia, particularly some of the slightly controversial things you say about the place?

I think you’d be a great guest and my listeners would enjoy hearing from you. You will also be heard by thousands of people around the world so it would work as publicity for you too. Let me know if you’re interested in being interviewed over Skype some time, perhaps next week.

I’m looking forward to hearing from you.

All the best,

Luke Thompson

Nikolay’s Reply:

Hi Luke!
It was a pleasure to receive such a wonderful letter.
Yes, let’s do this! I’ve got a lot to talk about and it can be real fun.
Next week is excellent.

ninja_tune_largeThanks to Anna Khazan and Natalia Dalik for bringing Nikolay to my attention and helping me to contact him. You’re my LEP Ninjas!

Nikolay’s Stand-Up in English in Ireland

Find Nikolay on Twitter, YouTube and VK Nikolay Kulikov
https://twitter.com/KolyaKulikov
http://www.youtube.com/user/krakvasha
http://vk.com/nobrainkolya

The Spoon Thing from The Matrix – “There Is No Spoon”
You might have heard Nikolay and me talking about a spoon in this episode, and wondered what we were talking about. You might have thought, “There is no spoon” – what do they mean? If you found that to be a little bit mysterious, let me explain it to you!

It’s from a scene in the movie The Matrix (1999).

I don’t know if you’ve seen the film, but the basic premise is that the human race has been enslaved by machines. The machines have connected everyone to a computer programme which replicates the real world. It’s an incredibly convincing simulation of real life. It’s so convincing that most people don’t realise that it’s just a dream, and that in reality they are slaves to machines. Some people have “woken up” and realised that the reality in which they are living is just a dream. Those people form a rebellion in order to fight against the machines. They are able to move in and out of the matrix whenever they want. One of the key members of the rebellion is a guy called Neo (Keanu Reeves). Some of the others believe he is the chosen one who will allow the humans to defeat the machines, but in order to do so he first has to learn to understand the nature of the matrix (in fact just a computer programme) and then to control it from within. In the first film we follow Neo as he learns about the matrix and begins to understand how to control it. One of the concepts at the heart of this film is that reality is just what we perceive – that there is no ‘reality’ there is just the way we perceive the world through our senses, and if you learn to control your senses, you can then control reality. The things we see are just our imagination. We’re living in a dream, and it may be possible for us to become lucid within the dream, and therefore control everything that happens all around us. It’s deep, man. There’s also some wicked kung fu.

So, the spoon thing.
There is a key scene in the film in which Neo learns about how to control the matrix. He encounters a boy who has learned to bend spoons using only the power of his mind. The boy holds up a spoon, and it bends. Neo is amazed and asks the boy how he does it. The boy says “You have to realise that there is no spoon. There is only you.” What he means is – you have to realise that the world you see is just created by your senses (which are being controlled by the matrix programme), so in order to bend the spoon you have to remember that the spoon does not exist, and that it is just the product of your senses. If you can control yourself, then you can control the world around you. Neo picks up the spoon and for a moment he manages to make it bend. This is an important moment for Neo, and after this he learns how to control the matrix, and then fight back against the machines which are enslaving the human race. You can see the scene below (YouTube video).

Some people think the film is a profound meditation about the nature of reality. Other people just think it’s an awesome kung-fu movie. For me, it’s a bit of both – philosophy and kung-fu. It’s a good combination!

200. New Competition: “Your English Podcast”

Details of a new competition for you to enter, how it feels to complete 200 episodes of the podcast, jingles, a message from Alex & Paul, and more! Right click here to download.

Small Donate Button
Introduction
Hello! And welcome to the podcast. This is a very special episode, because it’s the 200th one! Wow, I made it to 200! Amazing! Obviously I’m delighted about that. This is the 200th anniversary of LEP, and before I tell you all about how that feels, I’d like to begin this episode by telling you about a new competition I’m launching today, which I’d love you to take part in. So first I’m going to tell you all about the competition, and then I’ll celebrate 200 episodes of LEP with you. OK, so let’s get started.

This is the 200th episode of Luke’s ENGLISH Podcast and to celebrate this momentous occasion I’ve decided to launch another LEP competition in which you can send me your audio recordings. I did a similar competition over 2 years ago, and now I’m doing another one. This one’s called “Your English Podcast”. Why? Because I’d like you to imagine you are recording 5 minutes of your own English podcast. Just record and send your 5 minutes (or less) to me, I’ll play your recordings on the podcast and then listeners can vote for their favourite. I will count all the votes and announce the winner. The prize for the winner is to be interviewed on an episode of Luke’s English Podcast.

Doesn’t that sound exciting? It should do!

I did my first competition 2 years ago and it was amazing to hear the voices of my listeners. Camila Andrade from Brazil won that one. She got a very special prize – a phrasal verb dictionary.
Since then, the podcast has gone from strength to strength and I’ve picked up new listeners, old listeners have improved their English, I’ve dealt with many more topics and events on the podcast. It’s time for us to hear what the LEPPERS have to say for themselves. This is your chance to have your voice heard on Luke’s English Podcast. And ultimately, if you win, you could become famous around the world as you are interviewed on the podcast via Skype. If you’re shy, I understand – I’m nice, I’ll make sure you’re okay, and so will the listeners – because the great thing about the LEP community is that my listeners are good people. I can’t wait to hear from you, and to give you a platform to say what you’ve got to say to the world.

The Competition in a nutshell
Record yourself talking about whatever you want for 5 minutes, send the recording to me, I’ll feature all your recordings on special episodes of the podcast, listeners can vote for their favourite and the one with the most votes gets featured on an episode of the podcast in a Skype call with me.
BUT there are some rules to make sure this competition is fair and is not impossible for me to manage in my limited time!
Please carefully observe the following rules. If you don’t follow the rules, you might be disqualified from the competition. It’s important to establish some rules because otherwise this competition could be really difficult for me to manage. So, rules are rules, and here are those rules:

Rules for the Competition
– Opening date: NOW! The competition is now open so get started!

– Closing date for entries: 31 August 2014. After that I will collect all your audio recordings and take time to prepare episodes in which I showcase your competition entries. People can then vote by leaving comments on teacherluke.co.uk. I’ll give you more information about voting later on.

– Time: You’ve got 5 minutes, maximum. You can talk for less than 5 minutes if you like, but please make sure you don’t exceed the 5 minute limit.

– What to say: You can say whatever you want! This is 5 minutes of YOUR podcast. If you like, you can imagine you have your own English podcast, called “Jose’s English Podcast” or whatever your name happens to be. If you like, you can welcome listeners to your podcast at the start by saying “Hello and welcome to Jose’s English Podcast”, and say goodbye to your listeners at the end. It’s completely up to you what you say, and how you say it. This is your English podcast.

– Name & Country: Remember to tell us your name and where you come from. This will help people to remember you and vote for you.

– Voting: I will collect all the audio files which are sent to me, and I’ll play them all in one episode (or more) of LEP, in alphabetical order by name. Listeners can then vote by leaving comments.

– Audio files: Send your audio file to podcastcomp@gmail.com only. I will only accept entries which are sent to that email address. Please do not send me competition entries on Facebook or to my Hotmail account. podcastcomp@gmail.com is the only email address I will accept.

– I’m only accepting audio files – not text entries this time.

– I’ll give you more information about voting later. For now, you can start preparing your competition entries!

So in summary:
– The competition is now open. Send your audio files (max 5 minutes) to podcastcomp@gmail.com. The closing date is 31 August 2014. After that I will upload showcase episodes of LEP and you can vote for your favourite entry. More information will follow in later episodes…

Some Bits of Advice
When recording your entry, try to make the sound quality as good as possible. Most phones and computers will allow you to record your voice pretty easily, but try to be in a quiet room in your house, away from noisy windows, washing machines or other people.

You can send me audio in a variety of file formats: wav, mp3, mp4, avi etc. I prefer mp3 as it is quicker to process.

If you want you can include a jingle, sound effects or even background music, but you’ll find this is pretty time-consuming and complicated. Ultimately, people just want to hear your voice clearly, so focus on that.

It’s normal to be a bit stressed or nervous when recording yourself. Don’t let that stop you. Try to enjoy it! Enthusiasm is a very attractive quality. LEPers are all lovely people so don’t worry – you’re among friends and I’m sure people are going to be very welcoming and enthusiastic about hearing what you have to say.

Try not to read out a script which you have prepared earlier. You can do this if you like, but I think it sounds more natural if you’re not reading from a pre-written script, and ultimately it’s better for your spoken English. Writing notes is a good idea – just write the main points you want to make, but don’t write it out word for word – just write enough to help you remember.

You should practise your speech a few times until you’re comfortable.

Try to bring your speech to life and put your personality into it if possible.

If you prefer, you can just improvise the whole thing without any practice – in fact, that might be even more exciting or engaging if you do that, but it will also be slightly more challenging too.

Ultimately, just have fun and enjoy taking part in the competition. Don’t stress too much – it should be enjoyable and a fun way to practise your spoken English. I’m sure that everyone will be fascinated to hear short messages from LEPers all around the world! Personally, I can’t wait.

If you don’t know what to say and you need inspiration, perhaps you could respond to something you’ve heard on Luke’s English Podcast, or even (as a joke) you could parody my style of talking on LEP, a bit like this (from Alex Love & Paul Langton). It’s totally up to you. I’m really looking forward to receiving your audio entries at podcastcomp@gmail.com, so get started!

And now some chat about the 200th Anniversary of Luke’s English Podcast with English Robot 3000
Why did you start LEP?
When did you start LEP?
Did you ever expect to get to this point? (200 episodes, and nearly 1.5million downloads in 9 months)
What’s your objective with LEP?
What level is the podcast for?
Are you ever going to stop LEP?
What’s your favourite thing about doing LEP?
Are you happy doing LEP?
Does it ever make you unhappy? Is there anything frustrating or even scary about doing LEP?
What do you expect from your listeners? Small Donate Button
Do you ever get any negative comments, hate mail, or trolling?
Are you rich yet? How rich are you now?
What do your friends and family think of LEP?
Has LEP helped you in your life?
How does it feel to be so famous?
How much time does it take to do an episode of LEP?
Why don’t you do more videos?
How about arranging an event so that you can meet LEPPERS?
Why don’t you have your girlfriend/fiancee on the podcast?
How’s your French?
Someone told me that you have a new job? Is it true?
Do you have anything else to say to the people of the world?

Song Lyrics
P.S. The song I sing at the end of this episode is called “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life” by Eric Idle and comes from the soundtrack to the film “The Life of Brian” by Monty Python’s Flying Circus. Buy the film on iTunes here: https://itunes.apple.com/au/movie/monty-pythons-life-of-brian/id294661981

    Always Look on the Bright Side of Life – Monty Python

Am D G Em
Some things in life are bad they can really make you mad
Am D G
Other things just make you swear and curse
Am D
When you’ve chewing an life’s gristle
G Em
Don’t grumble give a whistle
Am D7
And this’ll help things turn out for the best

G Em Am D7 G Em Am D7
And always look on the bright side of life
G Em Am D7 G Em Am D7
Always look on the light side of life

Am D G Em
If life seems jolly rotten there’s something you’ve forgotten
Am D G
and that’s to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
Am D G Em
When you’ve feeling in the dumps don’t be silly chumps
Am D7
Just purse your lips and whistle – that’s the thing

G Em Am D7 G Em Am D7
And always look on the bright side of life
G Em Am D7 G Em Am D7
Come on always look on the bright side of life

Am D G Em
For life is quite absurd and death’s the final word
Am D G
you must always face the curtain with a bow
Am D G Em
Forget about your sin – give the audience a grin
Am D7
Enjoy it – it’s your last chance anyhow.

G Em Am D7 G Em Am D7
So always look on the bright side of death
G Em Am D7 G Em Am D7
just before you draw your terminal breath

Am D G Em
Life’s a pice if shit when you look at it
Am D G
Life’s a laugh and death’s a joke it’s true
Am D
You’ll see it’s all a show
G Em
keep’em laughing as you go
Am D7
just remember that the last laugh is on you

G Em Am D7 G Em Am D7
And always look on the bright side of life
G Em Am D7 G Em Am D7
Always look on the right side of life
(Come on guys, cheer up)
A F# Bm E7 A F# Bm E7
Always look on the right side of life
A F# Bm E7 A F# Bm E7
Always look on the right side of life ….
Episode 200 podpic

199. The UK/USA Quiz

Molly and I ask each other general knowledge questions about the USA and the UK. How much do we know about each other’s countries? How much do you know about the USA and the UK? Can you answer the questions too? Listen and find out! Right-click here to download.

Small Donate Button
This is the continuation of the conversation I started with Molly in episode 198. In our quiz we ask each other questions about the history, geography, politics and even accents & dialects of the USA & UK.

If you fancy writing part of the transcript for this episode, click here to visit the google document.

That’s it for now! I’ve nearly reached 200 episodes of LEP. We should have some kind of celebration, shouldn’t we?

All the best,
Luke
pound-dollar