aka “Vocabulary Game with Amber & Paul” or “Fifteen Fixed Expressions” (less exciting titles)
Learn more English expressions in this episode by listening to another vocabulary game with Amber Minogue and Paul Taylor.
The series of episodes featuring ‘fixed expressions’ and vocabulary games continues in this episode. The previous ones, entitled “Ten Fixed Expressions” (283) and “Ten More Fixed Expressions” (285) featured me testing Paul’s knowledge of multi-word expressions in English. He did better in the second episode than the first, although maybe that’s because of the way I explained the expressions rather than because of Paul’s lack of vocabulary. Nevertheless, the wider aim of these episodes is to teach you, my listeners, some vocabulary in the form of multi-word expressions.
[DOWNLOAD] [AUDIOBOOK OFFER] What is a ‘fixed expression’?
Essentially, a fixed expression (according to me) is a vocabulary item comprising of a few words that always go together. That includes idioms, sayings, phrasal verbs, well-known quotes and collocations. All these things are lexical items which are included in the catch-all title of ‘fixed expressions’. The words are fixed together. They’re not just individual words combined, but they are discrete items of vocabulary in their own right.
So, fixed expressions are essentially ‘lexical chunks’. They’re not types of shelf unit or ikea furniture or anything like that. They’re just phrases in English. That should be clear.
I realise that the more I explain, the more confusing it is, so I’ll stop explaining now and we can start playing the game.
Let’s Play the Game
This time Amber is involved.
All three of us have short lists of five expressions.
We’re going to do three rounds of this game.
Round 1: Amber vs Paul (Luke is the Question Master)
Round 2: Paul vs Luke (Amber is the Question Master)
Round 3: Luke vs Amber (Paul is the Question Master)
Rules of the Game
The Question Master defines an expression without using the words in the expression.
The QM can also give little hints if necessary.
The two competitors race to guess the expression.
A point is awarded to the one who guesses the question right. If both competitors guess the expression at the same time, they both get a point.
Listeners can try to guess the expressions too. Did you guess them? Did you beat us?
If you don’t know the expression, listen carefully because we will explain, repeat and give examples.
So, it’s a fun game and a learning opportunity too, in one Great British package.
The Expressions in the Game
Here you’ll find lists of the fixed expressions in this episode. Listen to the episode to get the full definitions and examples, or search for the definitions online.
Luke’s Expressions
1. to be hard up
2. to be in the loop / to stay in the loop / to keep someone in the loop
3. “been there, done that, got the t-shirt”
4. to bend over backwards (for someone) (to do something)
5. to give someone the benefit of the doubt
Amber’s Expressions
1. to get your foot in the door
2. to show your true colours
3. over my dead body
4. in mint condition
5. to bite the bullet
Paul’s Expressions – Theme: Body Parts
1. to have two left feet
2. to be/fall head over heels in love with someone
3. (to do something) by the skin of your teeth
4. (give it some) elbow grease / (put some) elbow grease (into it)
5. to put your foot in your mouth
There are plenty of other expressions in this episode, so if you notice any other good ones please add them in the comments section below.
Enjoy!
p.s. I’m going on my honeymoon in a couple of days so there will be no new episodes for a couple of weeks, but LEP will be back :)
It’s been about one month since I last uploaded an episode of the podcast, but now LEP is back! Where have I been? Well, I got married (expect a podcast about that soon) and took some time off after that, and then I had lots of work commitments, comedy commitments and honeymoon-organising commitments and I didn’t have enough time to record an episode, but of course I’ve been waiting for an opportunity to speak into the microphone, and that opportunity came today. So here it is.
[DOWNLOAD] [AUDIOBOOK OFFER] Introduction Paul Taylor is with me for this one and we’re going to do another round of our vocabulary game, just like we did in episode 283.
That episode was called “Ten Fixed Expressions” but that now seems to be quite a dull title. Certainly, we did teach 10 expressions but the title seems a bit boring don’t you think? I’m wondering what to call this episode and I still can’t decide as I’m writing this. I always think that titles of my episodes should describe what is in each episode, and should also be fun and interesting enough to catch your attention. In this case Paul and I teach you ten expressions again, but we also have a chat about our recent news, and get very sidetracked by a negative review on TripAdvisor of one of our recent comedy shows.
The main aim of the episode is to play the vocabulary game and let you understand the meaning of ten English expressions but it also is a chance for us to mess around a bit and talk about other things if we feel like it, especially if it is entertaining or interesting for you.
So, should I call this episode “Another Ten Natural Expressions” or “Ten More Natural Expressions” or “Ten Natural Expressions (Part 2)”? Maybe “Vocabulary Game with Paul Taylor (#2)” is a better title? I can’t decide. I’ll choose the title when I’ve finished writing this and editing the episode together, and whatever title you see at the top of this page is the one I finally went for. I suppose you’ll probably be thinking – “Luke, the title doesn’t really matter. It’s the content that counts.” That’s true of course, but I do think the title is quite important for attracting new listeners to the podcast, and because it helps you to identify the main content of the episode. Let me know what you think about the title of this episode by leaving a comment below.
In This Episode
Anyway, regardless of my indecisiveness about the episode title, here’s what you can expect in this episode.
1. Hi Paul, hi Luke, etc. :)
2. Conditions are almost exactly the same as in the recoding of episode 283. It’s boiling hot. I’m with Paul Taylor. We’re sitting in the shade, mostly, except for my leg which is in direct sunlight again. We’re going to play a vocabulary guessing game like last time we did this (episode 283).
3. What’s new Paul? He’s been doing more comedy gigs. We got a bad review for one of our comedy shows, and we talk about it a little bit. The wording of the review bothers us a bit (also the fact that it’s so negative of course). Here’s a picture of the review (below). What do you think of the description? Ignore the lack of a full-stop at the end of the second sentence. Is the comment slightly ambiguous? What does it really mean? Look at the review and then choose option a) or b).
[socialpoll id=”2286338″]
One thing’s for sure, this person did NOT enjoy our show! You can’t please all the people all the time, and bad reviews are just a part of putting on comedy shows. So, never mind!
Anyway, in our conversation we use the negative review as a chance to talk about the importance of being dedicated, motivated and positive as a way of pushing through a barrier of resistance that you might experience if you want to really achieve something in life, like becoming a really funny comedian or learning another language to an advanced level.
4. The Ten Fixed Expressions & Vocabulary Guessing Game
The rules of this game are the same as last time. I’ll explain an expression to Paul and he has to guess which one I’m talking about. Listen to my explanations – can you guess the expressions before Paul does?
Here are the ten expressions I explain in the episode. Listen to the episode to get definitions and examples, or just google them for online definitions.
1 all’s well that ends well
2 an eye for an eye (and a tooth for a tooth)
3 and Bob’s your uncle
4 and pigs will fly!
5 that’s another kettle of fish
6 as cheap as chips
7 to ask for trouble
8 to be away with the fairies
9 to be back to square one
10 to be all ears
That’s it!
Listen all the way to the end of the episode to hear some out-takes of my introduction to this episode. What are out-takes? They’re the mistakes that are edited out of the final version of a film, song recording, or in this case a podcast episode. Sometimes it takes me a few attempts to get the introduction right. I might do nearly 10 failed introductions before I finally get it right and continue with the rest of the recording. They’re not normally intended for publication, but sometimes they’re pretty funny so I shared them with you at the end of this episode.
Don’t forget to leave your comments below this episode! Thanks for being awesome listeners and LEPsters and all that. You’re the best. Look forward to more episodes coming soon…
Welcome back to part 3 of this short series. In parts 1 and 2 we got to know my guest a bit, and talked about Northern Ireland. Now in part 3 we are going to have a good listen to Marcus’s Northern Irish accent, compare the way he and I speak, and also learn a few common phrases and slang from Northern Ireland. Enjoy!
[DOWNLOAD] [AUDIOBOOK OFFER] [PART 1] [PART 2]
3. Belfast accent (Check out this page on English in Northern Ireland from the fantastic British Library website)
I want my listeners to at least be aware of the accent(s) in Northern Ireland. Ideally they’ll be able to recognise it, or even copy it (just for fun). I also would like to find out about some of the specific phrases that are used in that part of the English speaking world.
– Is there a variety of accents in Northern Ireland?
– What is Ulster Scots?
– How would you describe your accent?
– Do people judge each other on their accents?
– What do you think of other accents from the UK? What do you assume about a person when you hear their accents? Is it fair to judge people by their accent?
Say some specific things: (These may be stereotypes)
“How now brown cow”
“Sit down”
“How are you?”
“I’m feeling a lot better now thank you”
“This is the first farm in the whole country to produce such excellent cheeses”
“She wanted to pull me into the pool”
“Can’t you see that the lift is completely full, you fool!”
“I can’t get this boot on my foot”
“I love coming to Paris because of the good food”
“I’m from Northern Ireland”
“I took the ferry to Derry and it just cost a penny”
How would you say these things, with specific phrases? (Check out this page with a list of common phrases spoken in Northern Ireland)
– Alright mate?
– I’m going to the shop, do you want anything.
– It’s a really hot day, isn’t it?
– I’m going to bed.
– Oh, go on!
– Look at her face! She’s got a weird looking face.
– Yes. (like, “yes, I’ll have a pint if you’re buying”)
– Come on, now.
– “Get a hold of yourself!”, “Wise up!”
– That film was really great. (or just, That was really great wasn’t it?)
– I agree, totally, good, etc. E.g. “Come on, this isn’t working. Let’s go to the pub” – “Yeah, totally”
– You stupid idiot!
– Could you give me a fag/cigarette?
– The police.
– Have you finished (your tea)?
– Are you mad?
– OK, I’m going home for dinner.
– Good, fine, great, etc. (dead on, cracker, sound)
– Alright, let’s have a little drink.
– Can you lot keep the noise down? I’m trying to sleep in here!
– She looks like your mum.
– What’s “spotty dog” (great) and “wind your neck in?”
Nadine from Girls Aloud “I’m going to give him a bath”
Frostbit Boy (The strongest Northern Irish accent I’ve ever heard!) Basically he’s talking about the difficulty of walking to school in the very cold weather.
Why are there so many accents in Northern Ireland?
In part 1 of this episode we met Marcus Keeley. In part 2 we are going to talk specifically about Northern Ireland, its culture, the atmosphere there and things you can do if you visit as a tourist. There will be a part 3 of this conversation, which will focus on the accents and dialects in Northern Ireland.
[DOWNLOAD] [AUDIOBOOK OFFER] [PART 1] [PART 3] 2. Focus on Northern Ireland
My listeners, who are around the world, may not know very much about Northern Ireland. It’s often a bit overlooked – in my experience, a lot of people see the UK as just London, Edinburgh, Oxford & Cambridge, Manchester, Stonehenge and a few other famous spots, perhaps Wales. Northern Ireland is rarely mentioned. The UK is a bit confusing – people aren’t completely sure how Ireland and Northern Ireland fit into it. I expect people are aware that there has been trouble there in the past, with the IRA and the sectarian conflict, but there’s more to it than that. Let’s try and let my listeners know a bit more of what it’s really like to live in Northern Ireland.
– When you meet people from other countries, how much do they know about where you come from? Do you get the same kinds of reactions from people?
– Where is it?
– Capital city?
– What’s it like to live in Belfast? Is it a good place to live?
– What can people do or see if they visit?
– What’s the atmosphere like these days?
– Is there still a sense of trouble?
– Do your generation still hold on to that feeling?
– Do you remember what it used to be like?
– Why was there trouble in the first place?
– How do you see the future in Northern Ireland?
– How do you see The UK?
– What did you think of the election? Where does N. Ireland stand?
– What if The UK left the EU?
Nadine from Girls Aloud “I’m going to give him a bath”
This episode is the first part of a conversation I had recently with a friend from Northern Ireland. It’s the first time I’ve had someone from that part of the UK before so it’s a chance to get to know him, his country and the accents you find there. In this one we get to know Marcus and give you a chance to hear his accent. There will be two more parts to this episode. Enjoy!
[DOWNLOAD] [AUDIOBOOK OFFER] [PART 2] [PART 3]
Just before we start I would just like to say thank you for taking part in the quick survey that I launched on teacherluke.co.uk recently. I asked you to select the types of episode of the podcast that you prefer to listen to. You can still do it of course, by going to my website and finding the page for the survey in the archive of episodes. Just click ARCHIVE in the menu and then ARCHIVE – ALL EPISODES and you’ll find the survey between episodes 276 and 277. The feedback will help me to know what kind of thing you prefer in episodes of LEP. Of course, ultimately I have the final decision because I’m the boss – I’m Luke after all, and this is Luke’s English Podcast and I have the final say, like sometimes I think it’s worth presenting you with something more challenging here, more entertaining there, more topic focused here, more pronunciation focused there and so on. But anyway, take my survey and let me know what your preferences are – your thoughts will combine with mine and it can help me to provide the right content for you. Click here to take the survey.
Quick Quiz
Now, quick quiz – what are the four countries that make up the UK?
England, Scotland, Wales and… Northern Ireland.
How much do you know about Northern Ireland?
What’s the capital city? (Belfast)
Another big city there? (some call it Derry, others call it Londonderry)
Where exactly is it? (well, the clue is in the name because it’s the northern part of the island of Ireland – but it’s not part of The Republic of Ireland politically, it’s part of the UK) It’s not far from parts of Northern England and South Western Scotland.
What else? The Titanic was built there, Game of Thrones is filmed there, unfortunately it’s also known for ‘the troubles’ – violence, civil unrest and terrorism.
It’s home to about 1.8 million members of the UK, and they have their own culture, their own accents and their own particular dialect, and in a recent survey the ‘Northern Irish accent’ was voted the sexiest accent in the UK!
Today on the podcast I’m joined by Marcus Keeley, who is a stand-up comedian, improviser and poet who comes from Belfast in Northern Ireland. I know Marcus from the stand-up comedy scene in Paris, as he likes to come here from time to time to visit and do comedy shows with our team. He’s a friendy, interesting and funny gentleman and this is the first time I’ve had someone from Northern Ireland on this podcast.
So, this is one of those episodes in which I have a guest on the show and we explore a number of different things within the context of an authentic conversation between two native speakers of English. If you like you can imagine that you’re there with us, involved in our conversation. After all, we are speaking to you, and for the attention of you, and you can get involved by sharing your comments on the page for this episode.
What are you going to get in this episode?
– Generally, this conversation is presented for people who are either learning English or who have a particular interest in all things British, or perhaps both.
– First we’ll get to know Marcus a little bit, giving you a chance to train your ear to his accent and way of speaking
– We’ll talk about Northern Ireland, and really get to know this often overlooked part of the UK – including a bit of culture, history, politics, things you can do as a visitor and whatever else comes up in our chat
– You’re going to listen to the Belfast accent of Marcus, and talk a little bit about the variety of accents that you can hear in Northern Ireland
– You can learn a few common phrases from the dialect of English that you hear in Northern Ireland
As ever, you can read notes for this episode at teacherluke.co.uk, so if you want to do some studying, you can.
Also, you may hear bits of rude language in this episode – so, you have been warned.
We covered a lot of ground in this conversation, which lasted nearly two hours so this will be a two part episode I expect.
Please leave any comments or questions on the page for this episode.
That’s it – I hope you enjoy our conversation, and that you experience something you haven’t experienced before.
It might be tricky to follow everything Marcus says in this episode because you’re not familiar with his accent. I encourage you to keep going and just try to follow the general flow of the conversation! Best of luck. Let’s get started…
1. Get to know Markus a bit
Where are you from exactly?
What brings you to Paris?
What do you do?
How long have you been doing comedy?
How would you describe your act? Stephen Nolan Podcast
(Longest title ever?)
In the last episode, Amber, Paul and I talked about giving compliments, sharing bad news, and generally saying negative things in a careful and diplomatic way. We then did a couple of role play improvisations to help you notice specific language. In this episode we continue with the improvisations. You can see some samples of language used in those improvisations below. [DOWNLOAD] [AUDIBLE AUDIOBOOK OFFER]
I hope you enjoy this episode. As ever, please leave your comments below!
The Role-Plays and Language
3. You go to your friend’s house and they show you their new living room which took months to decorate and cost hundreds of pounds, but it looks awful.
– It’s different to how I imagined
– Normally I love the smell of fresh paint
– …very human
– You’ve really made a statement
– …ah, so it’s finished!
4. Last year you lent your iPod to a friend while he was in hospital. Now he’s better and he’s been out of the hospital for quite a few months but he’s still using your iPod all the time. Demand that he gives it back to you, but do not be rude to your friend!
– You look so great / so nice to see you (positive)
– I was woooooondering
– Did I lend you my iPod?
– I can show you a website
– I was thinking, if I could possibly get back that iPod
– I was thinking possibly if I could have it back
– You don’t mind?
5. You are the manager of a small office. Staff members in the office have complained to you that a member of the team has serious BO (body odour) issues. You’re the one who has to tell him about it, and suggest some solutions. But don’t hurt his feelings!
Language
– Take a seat
– How are you?
– I wanted to have a chat
– essentially
– Let me start again
– Unfortunately, it seems…
– Specifically
– Being frank
– What can I do for you? (resolving the issue)
– I understand. That’s fine.
– Here’s the issue
– What Mr Taylor was trying to say was…
6. You’re the boss of a school. You have to inform one of your teachers that they’re going to be replaced by a Japanese teaching robot.
– No language recorded (I was too involved in the role play).
In this episode we’re going to look at how to deal with sensitive situations in English, and that includes ways of delivering bad news or saying negative things. We’re going to consider ways of using language carefully in order to avoid upsetting people or making them angry. You’ll hear a discussion on this topic between Amber, Paul and me and then a few role plays in which we have to deal with some sensitive situations. Watch out for the specific language that we use.
[DOWNLOAD] [FREE AUDIOBOOK OFFER] “The Bad Haircut” – Imagine this situation:
You are at work on a Monday morning, and your colleague arrives. Your colleague’s name is Jane. She is a lovely person. She is kind, sensitive, and generous. She has also been a little bit under-confident recently, after she split up with her boyfriend, who she had been going out with for 4 years. The break up left her feeling a bit lonely and upset, but now she is feeling much better about herself and is ready to take control of her life again.
At the weekend Jane had her hair cut and she has chosen a new style. It’s really quite different to her previous style, and to be honest, it doesn’t look good. It doesn’t suit her at all, and it is not really a fashionable style either. Let’s say she’s added a fringe, she’s cut it shorter and she’s changed the colour. You’re thinking: “this is a bad move – she’s taken a step in the wrong direction with this new haircut”. She seems to be a bit unsure of herself, but she’s excited about her new hair, which obviously cost her a lot of money. You are the first person she has seen in the office. She says to you, “So, what do you think of my new hair cut?”
What should you say to her?
Now, think about this situation carefully. Consider these questions before you decide on your reponse.
1. How exactly will you phrase your response?
2. How honest will you be? Will you tell the truth or not?
3. How might your response affect Jane’s feelings?
4. How direct will you be?
5. What is the most normal, usual and common thing you would say to a friend in this situation? How would you say that in English?
6. If you were from a different culture, would that affect your answer?
7. How would an English person answer the question?
Jane: So, what do you think of my new hair cut?
Your answer: ______________________________________________(please leave your suggestion in the comments section)
Amber’s answer: Wow, you’ve completely changed! It’s completely new! It’s completely different! It’s a completely new look! (With a positive tone)
Paul’s answer: (If he noticed) It looks great!
Wrong thing to say: Don’t worry, it’ll grow out.
“it’ll grow out” = in time the hair will grow and the new style will disappear, and it will look better eventually.
Should we always tell the truth to people?
What if they’re a close friend?
Should friends always support you, or should they sometimes disagree with you if it’s necessary?
Does this change when ‘the stakes are high’?
Is this also different between different countries, or is it universal?
The Importance of Language
It’s in these difficult situations that language becomes vital – we need to be diplomatic in order to prevent problems, to keep relationships sweet, and to avoid big arguments or hurt feelings. You need to be able to use language very carefully sometimes – but how? What are the approaches and phrases that you can use to achieve these things? Let’s look into it in this episode. We’re also going to play around and improvise a few scenarios in which people have to deliver some pretty bad news, which should be fun.
Cultural Aspects
– How would different cultures react to the same situation?
– Are British people more awkward (than other countries)?
– Do we have many social codes? What are they?
– Does our language define us? Or do we define our language? (e.g. French has more formality in it – does that make them more aware of formality codes in their behaviour too?)
– Are Americans more relaxed and laid back than the Brits?
Social Codes
According to Amber’s German friend who has lived in the UK and in France: It’s possible to break cultural codes in France and you’ll be forgiven because you’re foreign, whereas in Britain they still have lots of social codes but they pretend they don’t have any! So when foreign people break the codes, even subtle ones that we aren’t aware of, Brits might get offended!
Perhaps this means the French are a lot more frank and open about having social etiquette, whereas the Brits like to think they are informal and relaxed, when actually they have social etiquette too, which you have to be aware of.
What are those behaviour codes in the UK?
There are codes around giving and receiving compliments.
Here’s the wrong way:
Girl 1: Oh those are very nice earrings.
Girl 2: Thank you. [Didn’t say anything else – which comes across as rude and inconsiderate]
It shows that there are lots of codes that most people don’t even realise exist.
Here’s the correct version:
Girl 1: Oh those are very nice earrings you’re wearing. [Paying a compliment]
Girl 2: Oh thanks! Yeah, I just picked them up in a car-boot sale (a market). I love your dress. [Being modest, then returning the compliment]
Girl 1: Oh, this old thing! It’s just been in my wardrobe for ages, and I just threw it on this morning! [Being modest]
It seems to be normal to be very modest about compliments in the UK, certainly for girls. Is it the same for guys?
Is this just the British/English? How do you react in your country when someone compliments you?
Generally speaking, the English tend to be quite self-effacing and modest, and we don’t like people who are arrogant and who show off.
What about the difference between Americans and British people?
Americans tend to sell themselves more.
The British tend to be more self-effacing and modest. Paul doesn’t want to come across as being arrogant.
Do men and women have the same social codes?
Careful and Diplomatic Language
Choosing what to say in situations like this requires diplomacy and careful attention to language.
Difficult Situations
In this episode we’re going to consider the language you would use in situations like this. Here are some categories:
Giving some bad news when it’s your fault (admitting to something)
Giving some bad news when it’s not your fault (reporting/announcing something)
Requesting something that you shouldn’t be requesting
Saying no to a request
Saying that you can’t do something
Explaining something that could cause someone to get upset or angry
Role Plays for Improvisation
How about these difficult situations? What would you say?
Listen to Luke and his friends improvising the situations. Try to notice specific language they used.
1. You agreed to look after your friend’s dog (you didn’t want to do it) and while looking after it, the dog ate your nice handbag. You’re really angry. Tell the friend.
Here’s some language used:
– There was just one thing…
– He’s a bit of a chewer…
– I wouldn’t normally mind, but…
– Oh no!
– I’m so sorry
2. You have to explain to your family or your partner that the internet has to be cut off to save money. Your partner is a total geek who pretty much lives online constantly, and can’t imagine a world without it.
– I think we need to reduce some of the expenditure that we have so we’re not always in debt
– It seems like the biggest expenditure now is the internet
– Why don’t we just potentially cut off the internet in the house
– Maybe you can go out more
Today I’m joined by my mates Paul Taylor and Amber Minogue, both of whom have been on the podcast before. Let’s catch up with them and see what they’ve been doing. Listen to the episode to hear a completely unscripted and authentic chat between 3 native speakers from England, as we talk about having babies, pedestrian crossings, having ginger hair, the difficulties of being English in the sunshine, and some of our favourite TV shows and films. [DOWNLOAD] [FREE AUDIOBOOK OFFER] Amber Click here to listen to Amber’s previous interview on LEP, in which she talked about having a baby.
How was the birth?
You said you would go with a natural birth before. Did you?
What’s it like being a mum?
Best things? Worst things?
Sleep? Nappies?
Topics in this Episode We talk about various things including:
– Amber’s baby, the birth and what it’s like to be a Mum
– Paul’s news, including his short YouTube videos called Taylor’s Top Tips (started on Instagram, then moved it to YouTube).
– The sound effects from my terrace (the sounds of the street, the sounds of people stepping in dog poo in the street)
– Pedestrian crossings in Paris vs Dog poo
– The dangers of crossing the road in Paris
– The difficulties of being English in the sunshine
– Struggling with a folding chair while avoiding a spider
– Ginger people / having a ginger beard / being a ‘ginger ninja’
– Are Italian people obsessed with ginger people?
– Game of Thrones and other TV shows like Breaking Bad, Suits, Dexter, The Walking Dead, Lost, House of Cards etc.
– TV series vs Films
– J.J. Abrams the director of the new Star Wars film, and his love of lens flare.
– Amber doesn’t like ‘wiggly camera’ – shaky, handheld camera effects – like in the Jason Bourne films and the Taken films.
– The film Cloverfield (directed by J.J. Abrams)
– The Blair Witch Project (1999)
– Recommended TV series (plural – series, singular – series). Amber: Game of Thrones and The Wrong Man’s, Paul: Fawlty Towers, Luke: Louie.
– Vocabulary: A TV series (e.g. Game of Thrones) – not a serie, a season (e.g. season 1, season 2 etc – in the UK we used to say ‘series’ not ‘season’ but now most people say ‘season’)
– Serial? It’s an adjective to describe a series of things – e.g. a serial publication. In my opinion we don’t say a ‘TV serial’, we say a ‘TV series’. Amber and Paul don’t agree.
– Criticisms of French television (a bit of French bashing here? or genuinely valid criticisms of French TV?)
– Summarising the conversation: Jumping into gingers (“Don’t jump into anyone too quickly, you have to give them fair warning in advance”), we detoured into TV, the escapade/debacle with the chair, spending time in the sun
– Orphan Black (TV show)
Taylor’s Top Tips
For the Geeks: What is lens flare?
The trailer for Cloverfield
Directed by J.J. Abrams. Lots of shaky, handheld camera (or ‘wiggly camera’ as Amber described it)
This is the third and final episode in this series on jokes. In this one we’re going to consider the psychology of puns, hear an old tape recording of my brother and me telling jokes when we were children, and you’ll also get lots more gags and their explanations. [DOWNLOAD] [PART 1] [PART 2] The Psychology of Puns Why do we tell jokes? Is it all just fun, or is there something deeper and more psychological going on here? Let’s listen to a clip.
This is a clip from Tim Vine’s DVD ‘So I Said To This Bloke’ about the psychology of puns. Tim Vine (winner of the joke of the year) talks to a psychologist called Ingrid Collins about why we like puns.
Three questions:
1. Why do we tell puns? (two reasons)
2. What’s the condition she mentioned?
3. Why did the audience laugh a couple of times?
Answers
1. For two reasons. One is for the sheer joy of surprise, silliness and the joy of showing up our language in all its light and shade. Secondly, people use puns because they want to avoid talking about more serious things – emotional issues, fear of intimacy etc.
2. The condition is called paronomasia and a person who suffers from this is a paronomasiac.
3. The audience laughs a couple of times because, of course, Tim Vine makes a couple of jokes. The first one is a joke about the word paronomasiac. Para (like parachute) mosaic (a pattern) – he says; “A paronomsiac – as opposed to someone who like parachutes and strange patterns, a paranomosaic.” This is a made up word, and a pun which he came up with on the spot. The psychologist is not impressed, and just says “yes” – in fact we sense that the psychologist is probably judging him and maybe considers him to have paronomasia. Also: “Black beauty – he’s a dark horse”
Round 2 – yet more bad jokes!
11. What do you call a Saudi Arabian dairy farmer?
A milk sheik
12. Why can’t ants go to church?
Because they’re in sects.
13. Man walks into a bar with a piece of tarmac under one arm and says…
I’ll have a drink please and another one for the road.
14. Two fish in a tank, and one of them said…
How do you drive this thing?
15. Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize?
He was outstanding in his field.
16. A policeman was standing by the side of a road watching traffic. He saw a bus drive past full of penguins, so he stopped it.
“Why is your bus full of penguins?” he asked the driver. “I found them all by the side of the road, they must have escaped” said the driver. “Well take them to the zoo!” said the policeman. “All right” said the driver, and drove off.
A couple of hours later the policeman saw the bus again, it was still full of penguins and now they were all eating ice-creams. He stopped the bus again and said to the driver – “I thought I told you to take them to the zoo?”
The driver said “I did take them to the zoo, and now we’re going to the swimming pool”.
17. Why don’t cannibals eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
18. A man walking down the streets sees another man with a very big dog. One man says to the other, “Does your dog bite”, the man replies “No my dog doesn’t” The man pats the dog on the head and it bites his hand off. The man says “I thought you said your dog didn’t bite” and the other man says “Yes. Thats not my dog”.
19. Why do Marxists like to drink fruit infusions?
Because all proper tea is theft!
20. What’s ET short for?
Because he’s got little legs.
My Brother and me telling jokes when we were kids
Here’s an old recording from when I was about 6 years old of my bro and me telling jokes. The jokes are listed below. I was a bit young to be able to tell the jokes properly, and I found it hilarious to get the jokes wrong. Nothing has changed really…
Here are the jokes from the recording
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Doctor
Doctor Who?
That’s right!
Why did the fly fly?
Because the spider spider (because the spider spied her)
Doctor doctor I feel like a pack of cards
Sit down and I’ll deal with you later
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Cows go
Cows go who?
Cows go moo not who!
What did the cat do when it got to the motorway?
Meeeeooow!
– get your (py)jamas on
Louis CK talks about a joke written by his daughter The point is that he loves his daughter’s joke because it is unexpected, and because he can imagine the situation. It’s a funny situation with no explanatory punchline. Normally this kind of joke has a contrived opening because it is leading to a punchline with a double meaning. His daughter’s joke just has a contrived setup, but no punchline, which is actually more surprising and therefore more satisfying! I’ll let Louis explain it.
Who didn’t let the gorilla into the ballet?
Just the people who were in charge of that decision.
(this is a sort of anti-joke made up by a child who doesn’t really understand the rules of jokes, which makes it funny to Louis)
For more jokes written by kids, click here.
Round 3
21. Did you hear about the ice-cream man? He was found dead in his ice-cream van, covered in chocolate sauce and pieces of hazelnut.
The police said that he had topped himself.
22. What lies on the bottom of the ocean and shakes?
A nervous wreck.
23. Q – what did the grape say when the elephant trod on it?
A – Nothing, it just gave a little wine.
24. A man walks into a bar and is about to order a drink when he notices Van Gogh in the corner. He calls over, “Hey, Van Gogh! Want a drink?” and Van Gogh replies, “No thanks. I’ve got one ‘ere.”
25. There were two cows in a field. One said “moo”, the other one said “I was going to say that!”
26. Patient : “Doctor I keep hearing “The green, green grass of home” in my head. Doctor : “That’s called the Tom Jones Syndrome”
Patient : “Is it common ?”
Doctor : “It’s not unusual”
27. Two aerials met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.
28. A horse walks in to a bar. The bartender says: “Why the long face?”
29. A bear walks into bar. He goes up to the barman and says “Can I have a pint of beer and … … … and a packet of crisps?”.
The barman says, “yes… but why the big paws?
30. A Buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and says “Make me one with everything.”
This is part 2 in a short series on jokes. In the last one we considered some of the social codes around joke telling, including when, why and how we should tell jokes and respond to jokes. I suggest that you listen to that if you haven’t already done so. [CLICK HERE FOR PART 1] [DOWNLOAD] [PART 1] [PART 3] Introduction
In this episode we’re going to look at some typical joke structures, consider what makes a joke funny, and then I’m going to tell you lots of jokes. So, more entertaining and useful listening practice, with some jokes you can learn and share, and plenty of vocabulary teaching too. Again, there might be a part 3 to this episode, depending how long it is.
Just a reminder: This episode is all about jokes, but even if you don’t laugh at any of these jokes (many of which are, admittedly, quite bad jokes!) that is fine – because you’re learning lots of vocabulary. Perhaps, if you don’t get the jokes the first time, after you’ve understand the vocabulary, you can listen to these episodes again, come back to the jokes and see if any of them strike you as funny on a second listen. Also, I don’t expect you to remember all of these jokes, but you could pick a couple of jokes that you like, learn how to say them, and then share them with a couple of English-speaking friends. But be prepared to explain the jokes if nobody understands!
What are some typical joke structures?
Usually it’s this:
Question (setup)
“I don’t know” (response)
Answer (punchline)
e.g.
Why didn’t the ghost go to the dance?
– I don’t know
Because he had no body to go with.
Ha ha.
There are plenty of other joke types
Here’s a short list of examples
Knock Knock Jokes Knock knock
Who’s there?
Luke
Luke who?
Luke through the window and you’ll see.
Doctor Doctor Jokes Doctor doctor I feel like a bell Well, take these pills and if they don’t work just give me a ring.
‘What do you call a…?’ jokes What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea.
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea.
‘What’s the difference between…?’ jokes Q. What’s the difference between a tennis ball and the Prince of Wales? A. One is thrown to the air and the other is heir to the throne.
Shaggy dog stories
E.g. the pink gorilla story
Light bulb jokes How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? None – the light bulb will change when it’s ready.
‘A man walks in to a bar’ jokes A man walks into a bar… and bangs his head. It was an iron bar.
A man walks into a bar, sits down and orders a pint. There’s a pianist in the corner, playing a song. The pianist has a monkey dancing on top of the piano. As soon as the man’s drink arrives, the monkey jumps up, runs along the bar, pulls out its willy and pees into the man’s pint of beer. Furious, the man walks over to the pianist and says “Do you know your monkey’s just pissed in my beer?” The pianist says, “No I don’t, but if you sing the melody I’m sure I can pick it up”.
‘An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman’ jokes (pretty old-fashioned and a bit racist) An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are lost in the desert and their jeep breaks down. They’re going to have to walk. The Englishman takes the bottle of water, so if he gets thirsty he can drink it. The Scotsman brings a hat, so if the sun shines he can protect himself. The Irishman takes the car door and says “If it gets too hot I can wind down the window.” – yes, the premise is that Irish people are stupid. It’s old-fashioned and a bit racist, as I said.
What makes a joke good? It’s all a matter of taste. It’s completely subjective. There is no universal ‘best joke’ because different people with different tastes will laugh at different things at different times. In fact, the jokes which are totally safe and inoffensive will often be quite crap and boring. They lack any real punch, admittedly like a lot of the dad jokes in this episode. But there are certain things that will make a joke better – clever word play with double meanings of words being exploited, a bizarre or curious situation, the way the joke is told with correct timing, intonation, naturalness etc. There are also themes or subjects which will appeal to a wide audience, helping your joke get a better response from more people. These all help, but ultimately it’s a question of subjective personal taste.
The LaughLab Experiment
A study was done by a British scientist called Professor Richard Wiseman to discover the funniest joke in the world. The experiment, the results of which have been published on a website called laughlab.co.uk, went like this: People were invited to enter their favourite jokes into the website. Then other people from different countries around the world were asked to sign in, read the jokes and then rate the one they found the funniest. 40,000 jokes and 1.5 million ratings were received by the study. Do you want to know the joke? Here we go: (text reproduced from Prof Richard Wiseman’s website. Listen carefully. Do you get it?
The winning joke
After much careful scrutiny, we finally found the joke that received higher ratings than any other gag. Here it is:
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses and falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy gets out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, “My friend is dead! What can I do?”. The operator says “Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says “OK, now what?”
This joke was submitted by Gurpal Gosall, a 31 year old psychiatrist from Manchester in the UK. He told LaughLab:
“I like the joke as it makes people feel better, because it reminds them that there is always someone out there who is doing something more stupid than themselves.”
The joke is interesting because it works across many different countries, appeals to men and women, and young and old alike. Many of the jokes submitted received higher ratings from certain groups of people, but this one had real universal appeal.
Also, we find jokes funny for lots of different reasons – they sometimes make us feel superior to others, reduce the emotional impact of anxiety-provoking events, or surprise us because of some kind of incongruity. The hunters joke contains all three elements – we feel superior to the stupid hunter, realise the incongruity of him misunderstanding the operator and the joke helps us to laugh about our concerns about our own mortality.
What do you think? Did you get it?
Let’s hear a short extract from a documentary about jokes produced by the History Channel. It’s presented by an American comedian called Louis Black. In this extract he meets Professor Wiseman and they talk about the LaughLab study and the joke that won. As you listen, just consider this question: What does Louis think of the joke? What’s his opinion?
What did Louis Black think?
He thought it was a bad joke, and that there is no such thing as “the funniest joke in the world” because all humour is subjective. What’s funny to one person will not be funny to the next guy, and so on. It’s your humour, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. The only way to find out what is funny, is to actually go out and tell jokes and see what makes people laugh.
So, with that thought in mind, let me now tell you some jokes. If you don’t understand them, don’t worry – I will explain them all afterwards.
JOKE LIST
I’ll read all these jokes to you, then explain them afterwards. I think I’ll read out 10, and then explain those, and then do the next 10 and so on…
How Many Jokes Can You Understand?
If you like, you can count how many of the jokes you get. If you get a joke, you get one point.
So, count how many jokes you get.
9/10 or 10/10 = You will probably laugh at anything, and you’re probably on drugs.
6-8/10 = well done! Either your English is brilliant or you just have a natural sense of humour.
4-6/10 = not bad! Jokes are difficult to understand, and if you got 50% that’s actually a very good score.
2-4/10 = Don’t worry too much if you didn’t understand many of the jokes – don’t feel bad, but I think you should watch more comedy in English.
1/10 = Never mind! Listen to this episode again to build up your vocabulary, and I expect you’ll understand more of the jokes. Don’t forget, I’m going to explain them afterwards.
0/10 = hello? Are you alive? – Just kidding. It’s quite normal if you didn’t find any of these jokes funny. Remember, understanding jokes and laughing at them is very hard in another language.
So, just laughing at a couple of these jokes is enough. I don’t expect you to laugh at them all. Just focus on understanding the meaning. If you laugh, that’s a bonus.
You Should Practise Saying the Jokes Too
Also – remember that the delivery is important. I suggest you practise telling these jokes yourself. Listen to the way I say them (I hope I’ll say them correctly) and try and copy the rhythm, intonation and sentence stress. Notice which words are emphasised and how. That’s important. You can read all these jokes on the page for this episode.
Round 1 (and yes, I know these jokes are really cheesy!) 1. Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8 9.
2. What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
3. A man walked into a bar and said “Do you have any helicopter crisps?” The barman said, sorry we only have plane crisps.
4. What do you call a fly with no wings? a walk
5. What do you call a fly with no wings and no legs? a crash
6. What do you call a man with a car on his head? Jack
7. How much fun do monks have? Nun.
8. What do you call a blind dinosaur? Doyouthinkhesaurus.
9. What’s black and white and red all over? A newspaper in the bin.
10. A: My dog’s got no nose. B: How does it smell? Awful PLEASE LEAVE YOUR COMMENTS BELOW AND SHARE YOUR JOKES!
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