Category Archives: Vocabulary

255. Taken 3 / Expressions with ‘Take’

My response to the film Taken 3, plus 12 expressions with the word ‘take’. [Download]

The Film
*Spoiler alert* – I might give away some details of the story line, although I think you probably have a good idea what kind of thing you can expect. Someone did something to his family, and Liam Neeson will use his very particular set of skills to find them, he will hunt them down and he will kill them. There will be loads of high-octane action, some very questionable moral actions, and the usual offensive stereotypes of foreign people.

You should know that I’ve talked, at length, about Taken 1 already on this podcast.

Yesterday I went to the cinema and tweeted “I’m on my way to see Taken 3…” Naturally, some people wanted me to talk about it on the podcast, so here it is.

In a nutshell, this film is bad – it’s total pants, it’s piss poor, it’s lame, it’s cheesy, and frankly, it’s dull. It’s like a b-movie, but with Liam Neeson. It retains few of the redeeming qualities of the original, brings nothing new to the table and just looks like everyone involved is just doing it for the money. That’s not to say it was without enjoyment – I did enjoy it a bit, perhaps because I’d lowered my expectations before going into the cinema.

Expressions with Take
There are loads. Here are 12. Listen to the episode to hear full explanations and examples.

1. Take someone for a ride = to rip someone off
2. Take someone to the cleaners = to rip someone off, or to beat someone
3. Take something for granted = to undervalue something which is actually very valuable to you
4. Take it on the chin = to be strong and resilient in the face of criticism or adversity
5. Take it out on someone = to express your anger/frustration by being nasty or aggressive towards someone else
6. Take advantage of something = to make the most of it, to exploit it
7. Take it easy = relax
8. Overtake = to move in front of someone (e.g. in a car)
9. Take over = to take control of something (to acquire)
10. Takes one to know one = In order to know something you have to be that thing too
11. To have what it takes = to have the necessary qualities to do something
12. Give or take = approximately

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239. Prepositions: Verb Collocations + Improvised Story

In the last episode I attempted to explain ways that prepositions are used in English, and I failed because I wasn’t prepared. I managed to get across the idea that prepositions are complicated because they’re used in combination with other words, and that you have to remember vocabulary in ‘chunks’ but the idea was also to present you with some useful lists of preposition collocations. This time around I’ve done some more preparation. I’ve spent a bit more time on it and so for round 2 I think we should get a proper grip on the subject, while also having some fun noticing prepositions in an improvised story. [Download]

Small Donate ButtonWe all know that prepositions are one of the most difficult aspects of English grammar and vocabulary. That’s also why they’re hard to teach. They don’t conform to easy-to-teach rules, like other aspects of grammar. Instead, it’s about patterns and collocations. So, often the best way to learn these collocations is to see them as chunks of vocabulary, and try to notice them as they are used naturally. In this episode the idea is to give you a chance to do that by listening to a made-up story which includes loads of verb + preposition collocations.

Some Facts
Let me break it down in a simple way. Here are some “facts” about prepositions.
1. A preposition is always followed by a noun or something like a noun (e.g. a gerund or a noun phrase).
2. We use prepositions to talk about time, position and movement – and these are the easy ones. For example, “The cat is on the chair, the mouse is under the table, the monkey is on the branch. I’ll see you on Sunday at 3 o’clock. The train went into the station. The monkey fell out of the tree. The cat jumped off the chair.” etc etc. These are ‘easy’ because the prepositions seem to have specific meanings of their own, and they don’t change depending on which noun or verb you’re using.
3. The more difficult part is the way we use prepositions to attach nouns to other parts of the sentence. Prepositions tend to collocate with different adjectives, verbs and nouns. For example we say “He’s been accused of murder” and “I’m accustomed to the smell from the restaurant downstairs” and “This flat has really good access to the underground station”. What does collocate mean? It means that these words ‘just go together’. They’re friends. They always hang out with each other. Why? That’s the difficult thing to explain. I’d say – don’t focus on the individual meanings of prepositions. Instead focus on the way they just collocate with other words, and then learn those words together. So, don’t just learn the word “accuse” but learn the phrase “to accuse someone of something”. Don’t just learn the word “doubtful” but learn the phrase “doubtful about”, don’t just learn the word “comply” but learn the phrase “to comply with” and also the noun “compliance” and “to be in compliance with”.
4. Prepositions can be hard to hear because of the way they’re pronounced. They’re not usually the ‘meaning words’ in sentences, and so they can be pronounced using ‘weak forms’ of pronunciation (schwa sounds). Pay attention to the way prepositions are pronounced by native speakers in fluent speech.

There are 4 key points about prepositions, and also reasons why they’re tricky for learners of English.

Sorry.

Really, I am sorry. This makes life much more difficult for you, but you must get used to it right here and now. Accept that you’re now learning phrases, and once you’ve accepted that, every step you’ll take from now on will be in the right direction.

So, it’s these preposition collocations which are the tricky things. Learners of English struggle to know which preposition to use in the right moments. Sometimes these are influenced by the first language. For example, many French people say “It depends of…” e.g. “It depends of the cost” and of course it should be “it depends on the cost”. Watch out for the L1 influence.

What can you do?
– When you’re learning words – don’t learn them in isolation. See how they connect with other words in a sentence. Remember the prepositions that go with them. This will actually help you to become more fluent as prepositions are good transition words. They help you turn individual words into phrases, and those phrases into full sentences.
– Notice when you listen. Just pay attention to the preposition collocations you hear.
– Listen a lot and read a lot. Eventually, a lot of the most common preposition collocations will just go into your subconscious after being exposed to them so many times. After a while you’ll develop an instinct for the right collocation.
– Check out some lists to help you. You could test yourself by looking at some collocation lists (e.g. on this page). Cover the preposition and then try to remember it. Say it out loud. Check your answer. Say the phrase (it’s important that it passes through your mouth, and across your lips). Make full sentences, in different tenses in order to practise.
– Listen to Luke’s English Podcast (of course!)

Let me explain my approach for this episode of the podcast.
In this episode I’m planning to do this:
– I’ve prepared fairly long lists of common collocations with prepositions. Verb + prep, adjective + prep and noun + prep lists. You can check them out on the webpage if you like. Those lists are really useful in themselves. So this is already a really useful resource.
– I’m not just going to read out the lists. That would be boring and not that useful.
– I’m going to try and just make up some kind of story – completely improvise it – and use as many of the preposition collocations as I can. Try to notice them. You could go through the list and kind of ‘tick’ them off as you hear them, or try to notice them without the list.
– Bear in mind that the story is completely made up. The main thing is I want to keep it fun and interesting, while also presenting some language to you.
– There are 3 lists. They’re all quite long. I don’t know how much I can achieve in one episode. I might end up dividing this into three stories. One for verb + prep collocations, one for adj + prep and one for noun + prep. We’ll see.
– When I’ve finished I’ll go through the lists, and I’ll give you a chance to test yourselves.
– Then you can revise by testing yourselves using the lists, you can write your own stories using the prepositions and vocabulary, or you could record yourself reading or improvising a story. Don’t worry if you can’t improvise. That’s a different thing altogether. You should try to produce meaningful sentences using these phrases though. It’ll help you to remember them. Try to make your sentences personalised and very vivid – that’ll help you remember them all.
– You’ll also be picking up vocabulary here from the verbs, adjectives and nouns that collocate with all these prepositions. Just google them or look them up in a dictionary if you don’t know what they mean. I’m not explaining word meanings here, just presenting language.

That’s it!

Verb + Preposition
Let’s go with the first story.oldbaileycourt-room
*Start by opening your eyes – you’re standing in a courtroom. You ask the lawyer what’s going on. You’ve been accused of stealing a biscuit. You’ve got no idea what happened. Then the judge comes in…*

accuse (someone) of ([doing] something)
add (something) to (something else)
admire (someone) for ([doing] something)
agree on (topic)
agree with (someone)
apologise to (someone) for ([doing] something)
apply to (a place) for (something)
approve of (something)
argue with (someone) about (topic)
arrive at (a building, room, site, event)
arrive in (a city, country)
ask (someone) about (someone/topic)
ask (someone) for (something)
believe in (something)
belong to (someone)
blame (someone) for ([doing] something)
borrow (something) from (someone)
care about (someone/something/topic)
comment on (topic)
compare (something) to/with (something else)
complain to (someone) about (something)
concentrate on ([doing] something)
congratulate (someone) for/on ([doing] something)
consist of (some things)
consent to ([doing] something)
contribute to (something)
count on (someone) to (do something)
cover (something) with (something else)
decide on (topic)
depend on (someone) for (something)
discuss (something) with (someone)
distinguish (something) from (something else)
dream about/of (someone/something)
escape from (somewhere)
explain (topic) to (someone)
excuse (someone) for ([doing] something)
forgive (someone for ([doing] something)
get rid of (something)
graduate from (a place)
happen to (someone)
help (someone) with (something)
hide (something) from (someone)
insist (up)on (something)
introduce (someone) to (someone else)
invite (someone) to (an event)
keep (something) for (someone)
matter to (someone)
object to (something)
participate in (something)
pay (price) for (something)
plan on ([doing] something)
pray for (someone/something)
prefer (something) to (something else)
prevent (someone) from ([doing] something)
prohibit (someone) from ([doing] something)
protect (someone) from (something)
provide (someone) with (something)
recover from (something)
rely (up)on (someone/something)
remind (someone) of (something)
rescue (someone) from (something)
respond to (someone/something)
save (someone) from (something)
search for (something)
separate (something) from (something else)
scold (someone) for ([doing] something)
smile at (someone) for ([doing] something)
speak to/with (someone) about (topic)
stare at (something/someone)
stop (someone) from ([doing] something)
subscribe to (something)
substitute (something) for (something else/someone)
subtract (something) from (something else)
succeed in ([doing] something)
suffer from (something)
take advantage of (someone/something/ situation)
take care of (something/someone)
talk to/with (someone) about (topic)
thank (someone) for ([doing] something)
travel to (somewhere)
vote for (someone)
vouch for (someone)
wait for (someone/something)
wish for (something)
work for (company/something/someone)

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238. Prepositions (Part 1) …a failed attempt?

In this episode I decided to teach you about prepositions! Yes! Everyone’s favourite words in English! OK, that’s sarcasm – most learners find prepositions to be confusing and frustrating. However, the episode didn’t quite go as planned and I didn’t manage to deal with the subject as I had intended. Nevertheless, this episode contains some comments and information about prepositions, which works as an introduction to other episodes on the subject. Listen to this one before you listen episode 240, which deals with the subject in more depth. [Download]

Small Donate ButtonI’ve been meaning to do this episode for ages and now finally I’ve managed to get round to it. Well, that was the plan anyway.

Following notes I made over a year ago (which weren’t actually finished) I thought I would be able to deal with this topic without much preparation, but prepositions tend to be complex little creatures to get a hold of, and the topic proved too slippery to deal with fully in this episode, so I have promised to continue the series in the next episode, when we will look at the way prepositions collocate with other words.

So for this episode, I didn’t manage to succeed in my overall mission, but you can see this as like ‘part 1’ in a series about prepositions.

What? Another series? Yes, that’s right! The next episode will focus on ways prepositions collocate with verbs, and will feature an improvised courtroom drama featuring a whole list of verb + preposition collocations. You’ll just have to wait for that one. But for now, join me as I begin to explain prepositions, and end up going on about poor sales techniques and why you shouldn’t buy an iPhone 3 from me. Enjoy!
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235. British Slang (N to Z)

Finally, here is the last part in the series about British slang. Be aware that this episode contains some rude language and slightly explicit content. [Download]

Small Donate ButtonOther Slang Episodes In This Series
British Slang (A-C)
British Slang (D-G)
British Slang (H-M)
British Slang (N-Z)

Vocabulary
Here’s the list of slang I explained in this episode. As I mentioned above, please remember that some of these words are quite rude.

A lot of the words and explanations in this list come from a similar list on the website www.effingpot.com, specifically this page.

You muppet – you fool!

Nice one! – If someone does something particularly impressive you might say “nice one”! to them. It is close the American good job that you hear all the time.

Nick – To nick is to steal. If you nick something you might well get nicked.

Get nicked – to be arrested by the police. If this happens, and you admit that you’re guilty, you can say ‘it’s a fair cop guv’.

Nicked – Something that has been stolen has been nicked. Also, when a copper catches a burglar red handed he might say “you’re nicked”!

Nosh – Food. You would refer to food as nosh or you might be going out for a good nosh up, or meal! Either way if someone has just cooked you some nosh you might want to call it something else as it is not the nicest word to describe it.

Not my cup of tea – This is a common saying that means something is not to your liking. For example if someone asked you if you would like to go to an all night rave, they would know exactly what you meant if you told them it was not exactly your cup of tea!

Nowt – This is Yorkshire for nothing. Similarly owt is Yorkshire for anything. Hence the expression “you don’t get owt for nowt”. Roughly translated as “you never get anything for nothing” or “there’s no such thing as a free lunch”.

Off colour – If someone said you were off colour they would mean that you look pale and ill!

On about – What are you on about? That’s something you may well hear when visiting the UK. It means what are you talking about?

On the piss – If you are out on the piss, it means you are out to get drunk, or to get pissed.

One off – A one off is a special or a one time event that is never to be repeated.

Owt – This is Yorkshire for anything. Similarly nowt is Yorkshire for nothing. Hence the expression “you don’t get owt for nowt”. Roughly translated as “you never get anything for nothing” or “there’s no such thing as a free lunch”.

Pants – This is quite a new expression – I have no idea where it came from. Anyway, it is now quite trendy to say that something which is total crap is “pants”. For instance you could say the last episode of a TV show was “total pants”.

Peanuts – A low amount of money. “If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys.”

Pear shaped – If something has gone pear shaped it means it has become a disaster. It might be preparing a dinner party or arranging a meeting, any of these things can go completely pear shaped.

Peckish – a bit hungry “I’m feeling peckish. Shall we get some lunch?”

Piece of cake – really easy or  it’s a cinch!

Pinch – This means to steal something. Though when you say “steal” it is a bit more serious than pinch. A kid might pinch a cake from the kitchen. A thief would steal something during a burglary.

Piss poor – If something is described as being “piss poor” it means it is an extremely poor attempt at something.

Piss up – A piss up is a drinking session. A visit to the pub. There is an English expression to describe someone as disorganised which says that he/she could not organise a piss up in a brewery!

Pissed – This is a great one for misunderstanding. Most people go to the pub to get pissed. In fact the object of a stag night is to get as pissed as possible. Getting pissed means getting drunk. It does not mean getting angry. That would be getting pissed off!

Pissing aroundFooling about, in the sense of messing around or making fun or just being silly. Not terribly polite.

Plastered – Another word for loaded. In other words you have had rather too much to drink down your local. It has nothing to do with being covered with plaster though anything is possible when you are plastered.

Plonker = a nob, an idiot

Posh – Roughly translates as high class, though if you look at Posh Spice there are clearly exceptions to the rule!

Prat – Yet another mildly insulting name for someone. [Did I miss this one?]

Pukka – This term has been revived recently by one of our popular young TV chefs (Jamie Oliver). It means super or smashing, which of course is how he describes all his food.

Pull – Me and the lads used to go to the disco when we were on the pull. It means looking for birds. Of course, it works the other way round too. The ladies may also be on the pull, though probably a bit more subtly than the chaps!

Put a sock in it – This is one way of telling someone to shut up. Clearly the sock needs to be put in their loud mouth!

Quid – A pound in money is called a quid. A five pound note is called a fiver and a ten pound note is called a tenner.

Rat-arsed – Yet another term for drunk, sloshed or plastered.

Right – I’m feeling right knackered. That would mean you were feeling very tired.

Round – When you hear the words “your round” in the pub, it means it is your turn to buy the drinks for everyone in the group.

Row – Rhymes with “cow” this means an argument. You might hear your Mum having a row with your Dad, or your neighbours might be rowing so loud you can hear them!

Rubbish – The stuff we put in the bin. Trash or garbage to you. You might also accuse someone of talking rubbish.

Sack/sacked – If someone gets the sack it means they are fired. Then they have been sacked. I can think of a few people I’d like to sack!

Sad – This is a common word, with the same meaning as naff. Used in expressions like “you sad b***ard”.

Safe – good

Sick – good

Shag – to have sex

Shagged – Past tense of shag, but also means knackered.

Shambles – If something is a shambles it is chaotic or a real mess.

Shambolic – In a state of chaos. Generally heard on the news when the government is being discussed!

Shirty – “Don’t get shirty with me young man” It means getting bad tempered.

Shite – This is just another way of saying shit. It is useful for times when you don’t want to be overly rude as it doesn’t sound quite as bad, but it is still rude!

Shitfaced – If you hear someone saying that they got totally shitfaced it means they were out on the town and got steaming drunk. Normally attributed to stag nights or other silly events.

Skew-whiff – This is what you would call crooked. Like when you put a shelf up and it isn’t straight we would say it is all skew-whiff.

Skive (off) – To skive is to evade something. When I was a kid we used to skive off school on Wednesdays instead of doing sports. We always got caught of course, presumably because the teachers used to do the same when they were fourteen!

Slag – 1. a slut. 2. to slag someone off, is to bad mouth them in a nasty way. Usually to their face.

Slapper – A slapper is a female who is a bit loose. A bit like a slag or a tart.

Slash – Something a lager lout might be seen doing in the street after his curry – having a slash. Other expressions used to describe this bodily function include; wee, pee, piss and piddle.

Smeg – This is a rather disgusting word, popularised by the TV show, Red Dwarf. Short for smegma, the dictionary definition says it is a “sebaceous secretion from under the foreskin”. Now you know why it has taken me 3 years to add it in here. Not nice!

Snog – If you are out on the pull you will know you are succeeding if you end up snogging someone of the opposite sex (or same sex for that matter!). It would probably be referred to as making out in American, or serious kissing!

Sorted – When you have fixed a problem and someone asks how it is going you might say “sorted”. It’s also popular these days to say “get it sorted” when you are telling someone to get on with the job.

Sound – good

Spend a penny – To spend a penny is to go to the bathroom. It is a very old fashioned expression that still exists today. It comes from the fact that in ladies loos you used to operate the door by inserting an old penny.

Splash out – If you splash out on something – it means you throw your senses out the window, get out your credit card and spend far too much money. You might splash out on a new car or even on a good meal.

Squidgy – A chocolate cream cake would be squidgey. It means to be soft and, well, squidgey!

Strop – If someone is sulking or being particularly miserable you would say they are being stroppy or that they have a strop on. I heard an old man on the train tell his wife to stop being a stroppy cow.

Swotting – Swotting means to study hard, the same as cram does. Before exams we used to swot, not that it made any difference to some of us. If you swotted all the time, you would be called a swot – which is not a term of endearment!

Ta – We said “ta” as kids in Liverpool for years before we even knew it was short for thanks.

Taking the mickey – See taking the piss. Variations include “taking the mick” and “taking the Michael”.

Taking the piss – One of the things Americans find hardest about the Brits is our sense of humour. It is obviously different and is mainly based on irony, sarcasm and an in-built desire to “take the piss”. This has nothing to do with urine, but simply means making fun of someone.

Tosser – This is another word for wanker and has exactly the same meaning and shares the same hand signal.

Twat – Another word used to insult someone who has upset you. Also means the same as fanny but is less acceptable in front of your grandmother, as this refers to parts of the female anatomy. Another use for the same word is to twat something, which would be to hit it hard. Get it right or I’ll twat you over the head!

Wacky backy – This is the stuff in a joint, otherwise known as pot or marijuana, weed etc. (This is another good idea for an episode of the podcast – would that be interesting for you?)

Waffle – To waffle means to talk on and on about nothing. It is not something you eat. Americans often think that Brits waffle on about the weather.

Wank – This is the verb to describe the action a wanker participates in.

Wanker – This is a derogatory term used to describe someone who is a bit of a jerk. It actually means someone who masturbates and also has a hand signal that can be done with one hand at people that cannot see you shouting “wanker” at them. This is particularly useful when driving.

Watcha – Simply means Hi.

Waz – On average, it seems that for every pint of lager you need to go for a waz twice! A complete waste of time in a serious drinking session. It means wee or pee.

Well – Well can be used to accentuate other words. for example someone might be “well hard” to mean he is a real man, as opposed to just “hard“. Something really good might be “well good”. Or if you were really really pleased with something you might be “well chuffed”. Grammatically it’s appalling but people say it anyway.

Whinge – To complain. Whingers are not popular in any circumstance. To whinge is to whine. We all know someone who likes to whinge about everything.

Wicked – really good

Willy – Another word for penis. It is the word many young boys are taught as it is a nicer word than most of the alternatives. Also used by grown ups who don’t wish to offend (this word is safe to use with elderly Grandparents). The girl’s equivalent is fanny, but this one isn’t really alright to use with the grand parents.

Wind up – This has a couple of meanings. If something you do is a “wind up” it means you are making fun of someone.

Wonky – If something is shaky or unstable you might say it is wonky. For example I changed my chair in a restaurant recently because I had a wonky one.

Yonks – “Blimey, I haven’t heard from you for yonks”. If you heard someone say that it would mean that they had not seen you for ages!

Zed – The last letter of the alphabet. The English hate saying zee and only relent with names such as ZZ Top (Zed Zed Top does sound a bit stupid!).

Bare “your Mum is bare rough”

Innit – isn’t it, aren’t you, haven’t we, etc.

Paul Chowdhury – “Aks” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kLKlgLG6jfI

229. Zombies! (Part 2)

This is the second in a 2-part series all about zombies. In part 1 I talked about the zombie in popular culture, analysis of the zombie as a metaphor and then some rules for surviving the zombie apocalypse. To listen to part 1 – click here. In episode 2 I’m going to take a couple of zombie survival quizzes and then do a language focus on conditionals. [Download]

Small Donate ButtonPart 2: Zombie Survival
The Zombieland 32 Rules of Zombie Survival
Pick a survival quiz and go through it.
The Ultimate Zombie Apocalypse Survival Quiz
The Walking Dead Survival Test

Part 3: Conditionals
I’m going to explain them and give examples. For pronunciation you should repeat the sentences after me. Listen for connected speech and weak forms.

Generally speaking, conditionals refer to sentences with an ‘if’ clause (the conditional clause) and a consequence clause. Sometimes other conjunctions are used, like ‘when’, ‘as soon as’ or ‘unless’.

0 Conditionals
These are used to refer to facts that are always true and the consequences that always happen. It’s a present tense in the ‘if’ clause and a present tense in the consequence clause. For example, “When the sun comes up, the day begins” or “When the sun goes down, the night-time begins and all the evil monsters come out!”
Sometimes we use “when” instead of “if” and this just emphasises that this always happens. Using “if” suggests that it doesn’t always happen, but nevertheless the consequence is always the same. “If I talk about zombies, my girlfriend gets scared”. You could also say, “Every time” or “whenever”.

Also, we can use imperatives in the conditional clause. “If I get bitten, shoot me in the head before I turn into a zombie.”

1st Conditionals
These are used to talk about a future event (which you think is likely) and its logical consequence. It uses a present tense in the ‘if’ clause and a future form in the consequence.
*Don’t put ‘will’ (or any future form) into the ‘if’ clause.
“Shh! Be quiet! If you make too much noise you’ll attract more zombies!”
“If we see another zombie again I’ll lose my mind”
Use ‘when’ to emphasise that you think it’s definitely going to happen.
“When we arrive, we’ll need to check all the rooms for walkers”
Use ‘as soon as’ to emphasise that the consequence will happen immediately.
“As soon as he comes in the room, I’ll smash him in the head with this baseball bat!”

2nd Conditionals
Use these when you’re talking about hypothetical future or present events – not the past. For the future it means things that you don’t expect to happen, but you’re speculating on them anyway. If you think they’re likely, use 1st conditionals. If you think they’re unlikely, use a 2nd conditional. Use a past tense in the ‘if’ clause and then would in the other clause.
*Don’t put ‘would’ in the if clause.
“If I met a zombie in real life, I’d probably be fine”
“You’d be screwed if you met a zombie in real life”
“I reckon I’d survive if a zombie outbreak happened”
It’s also for imagining an alternative present.
“If I was a zombie I’d just stay at home.”
“If I were you I’d get yourself a weapon.”

3rd Conditionals
Here we are imagining an alternative past. It’s not the real past, but a hypothetical one. Use ‘had + past participle’ in the ‘if’ clause and then ‘would + have + past participle’ in the other clause. This one’s tricky because of all the auxiliary verbs.
“If you hadn’t saved me I would have been absolutely fucked” (You saved me and I wasn’t absolutely fucked)
“If he’d been more careful he wouldn’t have got bitten”.
“We wouldn’t have survived very long if we hadn’t stayed together!”

Mixed Conditionals
This could be a hypothetical past action with a present result.
“If he’d been more careful he’d be alive today”

Or a hypothetical present with a past result (yes it’s possible).
“If the government wasn’t so corrupt, this would never have happened.”

That’s it!

202. British Comedy: Monty Python & The Holy Grail

[The Constitutional Peasants Scene] Here’s another episode about Monty Python’s Flying Circus, and in this one we’re going to be covering some very interesting topics, such as medieval history, old myths legends & folklore, the British monarchy, marxism and radical politics. In terms of language we’re going to look at some old fashioned formal poetic language, some political vocabulary and also some intonation and sentence stress, and we’ll be doing all of that while understanding and hopefully enjoying a funny scene from a classic British comedy film. So, you really are getting everything in this episode (well, maybe not everything but you know what I mean). A lot of this is transcribed at teacherluke.co.uk. If you find this episode on the website you’ll also see a video, a script for that video and more information. So let’s get started. Right-click here to download this episode.

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Last time I did an episode about Monty Python we had a look at a sketch from the TV show. There are many more sketches which I hope to come back to in the future, but in this episode I’m going to focus on a scene from their first feature film, which is called “Monty Python & The Holy Grail”.

As a reminder: Do consider purchasing MP DVDs, CDs, audio & video downloads and even tickets to see live a live broadcast of their stage show. Details here: http://www.montypythonlive.com

Please remember – this is not a blog post, but an audio podcast episode. To get the full explanations and detail of this episode, you should listen to the whole podcast episode!

Monty Python & The Holy Grail
When was it made, who directed it, and all that stuff?
In 1975. It was written by all the Monty Python team but was directed by Terry Gilliam and Terry Jones. The two Terries were quite controlling & ambitious and decided they wanted to be in charge of the film, and in fact, during the production I think they agreed that the film could be directed by anyone called ‘Terry’, as an effort to keep control of the film.

What’s it about?
It’s about King Arthur’s search for the Holy Grail. It’s set in the 10th century – the middle ages, or ‘dark ages’, a time of mystery and legend! King Arthur is a legendary King of Britain. The legend of Arthur dates back to the 5th & 6th centuries and the story of Arthur has been told many times since. Historians disagree about whether Arthur really existed or not. In the stories, Arthur is said to be the magical leader who defended Britain against real and supernatural enemies. He carried a magical sword called Excalibur, which was given to him by a mysterious spirit known as The Lady of the Lake. The Lady of the Lake is an important figure in the Arthurian legend – she’s a kind of magical woman who got her powers from the wizard Merlin. She’s a bit like Galadriel in the Lord of the Rings stories. In Arthur’s story, This lady emerges from a lake, holding Excalibur and then presents it to Arthur, and in so doing chooses him as the rightful leader of the Britons. It’s hardly a democratic way to choose the executive commander of Britain, but that’s how things were done back in the 5th century!

The Grail in this story is another aspect of Arthurian legend. Apparently, this grail once carried the blood of Jesus, and was sent by Joseph to Britain where it would be protected. Perhaps this is true, perhaps this is just a myth, but the grail is still a potent symbol in British folklore, either as a connection to Jesus, or as a magical cup which can give magical powers to whoever drinks from it (it’s the same cup in the Indiana Jones movie “Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade”)

What happens in the film?
Arthur is sent on a mission by God to find the Holy Grail.
He travels around Britain, visiting castles and collecting a group of knights to help him on his quest.
It’s just an excuse to visit lots of old castles and film a bunch of medieval themed sketches.
Most of it was filmed in Scotland, and the scenery is absolutely beautiful.
It was filmed on a budget of just $400,000, which is tiny in comparison to today’s standards. The Hangover 3, for example, had a budget of $103 million!
The film was financed partly by rock stars Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin and Elton John.
It’s now considered one of the funniest British comedy films of all time, and in 2005 it was used by Eric Idle as the basis for the Monty Python musical “Spamalot” which you can see in theatres in London and around the world.
There are a few classic sketches in the film, and I’d like to play one of them for you.

“Constitutional Peasants” – King Arthur Has an Argument with Some Left-Wing Peasants
Arthur is travelling the land, trying to recruit knights to join him on his quest. He visits lots of castles. In this scene, he is approaching a castle, and meets some peasants working on the land. The peasants appear to just be collecting mud & filth from the floor in a field. They’re disgusting & dirty, and yet surprisingly articulate in the language of politics (which is part of the joke). King Arthur decides to ask them for information about the owner of the castle. The peasants don’t give him any useful information. Instead he gets into an argument with one of the peasants about the constitution, monarchy, democratic government and the oppression of the masses in an absolute monarchy.

Constitutional Peasants – Video (you’ll find a script below)

What’s So Funny About This?
One of the funny things about this scene is the anachronism (I mean, the fact that different time periods are mixed up). The king is from the medieval period, but the peasants are basically modern working class people. So it mixes up people from different time periods. The scene also mixes two different speech registers and two different political ideologies as the characters represent different political systems, and we see them argue. It’s unexpected because peasants in the middle ages were unaware of Marxist ideology, and certainly wouldn’t have been intelligent or educated enough to criticise the system in such an articulate way. Arthur speaks in a poetic & medieval way, and represents the system of absolute monarchy which was in place at the time. The peasant speaks like a modern left-wing radical using ideas founded by Karl Marx in the 19th century.

It’s also a joke about conventions of movies or stories set in medieval times in which peasants are always presented as old, dirty and inarticulate servants of the king. When these peasants speak like Marxists from the modern era, it’s quite a surprising & amusing shock.

I realise that now I’ve explained this scene, you probably won’t find it that funny, because explaining humour takes all the immediate fun out of it, but so be it. If you get the humour, good for you! The main thing is: We’re learning English aren’t we, so let’s focus on understanding the scene before trying to see the funny side. This scene is very rich in vocabulary, in either a poetic medieval register, or the language of left-wing politics. Listen to it once to see if you understand it all, and then I’ll explain it all to you afterwards. If you find any of it funny, then that’s a bonus as far as I’m concerned. :)

Vocabulary & Explanations
So, in a nutshell, King Arthur wants to know who lives in the castle, and he asks a couple of peasants, but they don’t help him. Instead he gets involved in an irritating argument about the exploitation of the working classes in this medieval monarchy.

Concepts
There are a few concepts which we need to study in order to fully appreciate this scene. Let’s look at some of those concepts before listening to the scene again. These concepts relate to different constitutional frameworks – I mean, different ways in which a country can be run. We’re talking about political systems like ‘absolute monarchy’, ‘democracy’, ‘Marxism’ and ‘anarchism’.

Absolute Monarchy – in this case a king (monarch) is not elected, but gets their supreme power by divine provenance. This means that the monarch has a special agreement with god. God has chosen the monarch to be the leader of these people. Usually, this is tied to old mythical stories which involve some supernatural intervention in which the king is chosen by god. In the case of King Arthur this was when he was given a holy sword (Excalibur) by a magical & mythical woman called The Lady of the Lake. The story goes that this lady is a kind of supernatural & mythical spirit who holds magical and religious authority. In the story she walks out of a lake and presents Arthur with his magical sword, which signifies that he is the divine ruler of Britain. Most monarchies justify their existence by suggesting they have some kind of special connection to god. In this sketch, Arthur believes he is the rightful ruler of the Britons because of his divine right given by god.

Democracy – in this case, the people give executive power (decision making power) to a representative by voting for him/her. The people give this leader a ‘mandate’ – which means a responsibility to run the country. It’s the government by the people, of the people and for the people. Churchill said that democracy is not perfect, but it’s better than the alternatives. In the UK today we have a democratic monarchy, which is basically a democracy (we vote for MPs in elections) but with a monarch as head of state with almost no executive power. The Queen has very minor powers, and she doesn’t exercise them. It’s like there is an understanding between parliament and the monarchy that the monarch just lets parliament run the country. The monarch doesn’t interfere. That’s the way our country works. Some people are concerned that Prince Charles might decide to exercise his power if/when he becomes king, which could cause a constitutional crisis, but that’s another story for another time.

Marxism – this isn’t really a constitutional system, but an political ideology, or a way of understanding the way in which most industrial/post-industrial capitalist systems work. Karl Marx was a German born philosopher, economist, sociologist and historian who basically stated that the ruling classes manage to maintain control of the system by owning the means of production, and that the working classes are therefore dominated and repressed. The only way in which true equality can exist is if the people own their own land, their own factories and the means of producing goods. His ideas formed the basis of many left-wing political models including communism, and also form the basis of many criticisms of the capitalist system in general. In the UK, we sometimes associate Marxist ideologies with certain types of people. Although their views may be valid, I think most ordinary people find Marxists to be a bit extreme and even boring – banging on about politics and the class system all the time, while not necessarily doing anything about it.

Anarchism – this is the idea that there should be no leaders at all, and in fact no formalised system of government or state at all. Instead, local communities should be run by free and open groups with no leader. The idea is, that formalised governments, or power structures are essentially corrupting – that when power is given to one or several representatives, elected or not, that this ultimately will corrupt them and that this leads to inequality. So, anarchists argue that there should be no system at all, and that people should be free to govern themselves in a completely open way – without adopting any kind of political ideology or dogma. For me, in principle this sounds great, but on a practical level it sounds chaotic, confusing and impractical. Ultimately, it would be great to remove the corrupting power of government, but are we ready for it? We’d need an intelligent and activated population. Education is key. The problem, to an extent, is that many people don’t really care about these issues and instead just find political discussion boring, therefore making it very hard for true anarchy to take effect. A bit like Marxism, many people find anarchists to be either boring, confusing or somehow threatening to normal life.

Vocabulary
OK, so we’ve looked at some ideological concepts at the heart of this sketch, but we’re not finished because there’s plenty of language to deal with too. It’s complex isn’t it!? You see – British comedy is intelligent and deep, particularly Monty Python. It’s not just weird.

Here’s some vocabulary that you should know in order to understand this sketch further. Remember that Arthur speaks in old fashioned language, and Dennis the peasant speaks like a modern man with radical political opinions. Listen to the episode to hear all the bold words defined.

What knight lives in that castle over there?
– a knight is (in the Middle Ages) a man who served his sovereign or lord as a mounted soldier in armour. In this context it means a leader.
you automatically treat me like an inferior

exploiting the workers!
– exploiting means to benefit unfairly from the work of (someone), typically by overworking or underpaying them: “women are exploited in the workplace”.

hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society
-dogma = a principle or set of principles laid down by an authority as incontrovertibly true: the dogmas of faith | [ mass noun ] : “the rejection of political dogma”.

Dennis, there’s some lovely filth down here.

I didn’t know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous collective.
– autonomous = • having the freedom to act independently: “school governors are legally autonomous”.

You’re fooling yourself. We’re living in a dictatorship: a self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes–
– an autocracy = a system of government by one person with absolute power.

Oh, there you go bringing class into it again.

Please! Please, good people. I am in haste. Who lives in that castle?

Dennis: I told you. We’re an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week,…
Arthur: Yes.
Dennis: …but all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting…
Arthur: Yes, I see.
Dennis: …by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs,…
Arthur: Be quiet!
Dennis: …but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more major–
– ratify = sign or give formal consent to (a treaty, contract, or agreement), making it officially valid. “both countries were due to ratify the treaty by the end of the year”.
– a simple majority = this candidate receives more votes than anyone else (but it doesn’t have to be more than 50% of all votes cast) e.g. if Obama, Bush & Clinton are in an election and Clinton gets 40% and Obama & Bush get 30% each, Clinton gets a simple majority. She just gets more votes than the others.
– a two-thirds majority = at least 66% of all the votes
– an absolute majority = at least 51% of all votes

Woman: Well, how did you become King, then?
Arthur: The Lady of the Lake,… [angels sing] …her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. [singing stops] That is why I am your king!
– samite = a rich silk fabric interwoven with gold and silver threads, used for dressmaking and decoration in the Middle Ages.

Dennis: Listen. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

I mean, if I went round saying I was an emperor just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they’d put me away!

Dennis: Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help! Help! I’m being repressed!
Arthur: Bloody peasant!
Dennis: Oh, what a give-away. Did you hear that? Did you hear that, eh? That’s what I’m on about. Did you see him repressing me? You saw it, didn’t you?

What I love about this is that it’s a well written script, with different types of English and it manages to mock both the idea of a medieval monarchy, and also the irritating verbosity of political radicals. Monty Python are making fun of history & taking the piss out of everyone, while at the same time celebrating the language. Complex language, delivered at speed by colourful characters is at the heart of the humour in this sketch.

Intonation & Sentence Stress
I really enjoy the performances in this scene – particularly Michael Palin who plays Dennis the peasant. The lines are delivered with quite exaggerated and characterful intonation and sentence stress. To highlight this, I’m going to read the script of this scene, just to make it a bit clearer. You could listen to the original version again in order to, hopefully, appreciate it a bit more.

Constitutional Peasants – Script
Arthur: Old woman!
Dennis: Man!
Arthur: Man. Sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there?
Dennis: I’m thirty-seven.
Arthur: I– what?
Dennis: I’m thirty-seven. I’m not old.
Arthur: Well, I can’t just call you ‘Man’.
Dennis: Well, you could say ‘Dennis’.
Arthur: Well, I didn’t know you were called ‘Dennis’.
Dennis: Well, you didn’t bother to find out, did you?
Arthur: I did say ‘sorry’ about the ‘old woman’, but from the behind you looked–
Dennis: What I object to is that you automatically treat me like an inferior!
Arthur: Well, I am King!
Dennis: Oh, King, eh, very nice. And how do you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers! By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society. If there’s ever going to be any progress with the–
Woman: Dennis, there’s some lovely filth down here. Oh! How d’you do?
Arthur: How do you do, good lady? I am Arthur, King of the Britons. Whose castle is that?
Woman: King of the who?
Arthur: The Britons.
Woman: Who are the Britons?
Arthur: Well, we all are. We are all Britons, and I am your king.
Woman: I didn’t know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous collective.
Dennis: You’re fooling yourself. We’re living in a dictatorship: a self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes–
Woman: Oh, there you go bringing class into it again.
Dennis: That’s what it’s all about. If only people were aware of–
Arthur: Please! Please, good people. I am in haste. Who lives in that castle?
Woman: No one lives there.
Arthur: Then who is your lord?
Woman: We don’t have a lord.
Arthur: What?
Dennis: I told you. We’re an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week,…
Arthur: Yes.
Dennis: …but all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting…
Arthur: Yes, I see.
Dennis: …by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs,…
Arthur: Be quiet!
Dennis: …but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more major–
Arthur: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!
Woman: Order, eh? Who does he think he is? Heh.
Arthur: I am your king!
Woman: Well, I didn’t vote for you.
Arthur: You don’t vote for kings.
Woman: Well, how did you become King, then?
Arthur: The Lady of the Lake,… [angels sing] …her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. [singing stops] That is why I am your king!
Dennis: Listen. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
Arthur: Be quiet!
Dennis: Well, but you can’t expect to wield supreme executive power just ’cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!
Arthur: Shut up!
Dennis: I mean, if I went round saying I was an emperor just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they’d put me away!
Arthur: Shut up, will you? Shut up!
Dennis: Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system.
Arthur: Shut up!
Dennis: Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help! Help! I’m being repressed!
Arthur: Bloody peasant!
Dennis: Oh, what a give-away. Did you hear that? Did you hear that, eh? That’s what I’m on about. Did you see him repressing me? You saw it, didn’t you?

199. The UK/USA Quiz

Molly and I ask each other general knowledge questions about the USA and the UK. How much do we know about each other’s countries? How much do you know about the USA and the UK? Can you answer the questions too? Listen and find out! Right-click here to download.

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This is the continuation of the conversation I started with Molly in episode 198. In our quiz we ask each other questions about the history, geography, politics and even accents & dialects of the USA & UK.

If you fancy writing part of the transcript for this episode, click here to visit the google document.

That’s it for now! I’ve nearly reached 200 episodes of LEP. We should have some kind of celebration, shouldn’t we?

All the best,
Luke
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196. Cycling from Coast to Coast

Almost exactly one year ago, Ben Fisher was on the podcast telling us about his cycling trip from London to Paris. Now he’s back to tell us about his latest cycling adventure. Last time he cycled a total of 484.7km. This time he more than doubled that distance cycling 1223.42km from the north coast of France all the way down to the south coast. It was a much longer and more difficult trip and he’s here on the podcast to tell us all about it! Right-click here to download this episode.

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Click here to revisit 136. Cycling from London to Paris. (Have I really uploaded 60 episodes in the last 12 months? Wow.)

Click here to visit Ben’s blog where you can read all about this cycling trip, look at photos and read all the stats about his journey. http://drainbamms.wordpress.com

Follow Ben on Twitter @DrainBamms: https://twitter.com/drainbamms

Click here to visit WarmShowers.org. That’s the website for cyclists who would like to share accommodation with each other. www.warmshowers.org

If you’d like to contribute a transcript for this, click here to access a google doc for 196 Cycling from Coast to Coast.

Picture (c) Kate Fisher (Ben’s sister) – Check out her great illustrations at www.damefishy.com
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195. British Comedy: Monty Python’s Flying Circus

The series about British Comedy continues with everything you need to know about Monty Python’s Flying Circus and an analysis of The (Dead) Parrot Sketch. Right-click here to download this episode.

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And now for something completely different. It’s…Monty Python’s Flying Circus

Introduction
This episode is the next in the series about British Comedy. I had to do an episode about Python. They’re such an important, popular and celebrated part of our comedy history. They’re very well rated by lots of people. Some say they’re overrated. I don’t think so. I like almost all of their comedy. They’ve been very influential on popular culture in general, but more specifically on plenty of other comedians and TV shows in the UK and in USA too (e.g. The Simpsons and South Park probably wouldn’t exist without Python). Also, this year they are in the middle of a comeback, putting on stage performances of their greatest material live at the 02 Arena in London. Live performances will be broadcast in cinemas around the world too, so check out their website for more information if you want to see it. Personally, I’d like to see the reunion tour, but I’m quite happy watching their sketches and movies on TV and listening to the records on my mp3 player as I walk around. I’m really happy to share my love of Python with you. Some of you will already be aware of them, some of you won’t. I’ve already played you some of their stuff before, including the Four Yorkshiremen, The Argument Sketch, Swamp Castle and the Silly Election. So I’m sure already pretty familiar with them. Anyway, this episode should be your go-to guide for everything you need to know about Monty Python. You can use it to make sure you are fully clued up about this essential part of modern British culture.

I could go on and on about it for ages, talking about how special their comedy is to me personally (and plenty of other people) but instead I think it’s best to go straight to their comedy and let it speak for itself. I realise that by talking about it a lot, I’m just building it up and then you’ll find it anti-climactic.

So, after I’ve explained a few things about Python, we’re also going to spend some time listening to one of their sketches. I’ll explain things so that you understand it all fully, just like a native speaker – and a native speaker who gets all the jokes. Hopefully this will just be one single episode. I’ll try and keep it brief. In a way this is one of the hardest episodes of LEP I’ve ever done because it’s hard to get across in a simple way the appeal of Monty Python. Also, I can’t choose a sketch. I like them all too much. I also realise that you might not find it funny. Never mind. The main thing is that you learn some things about culture and some language and if you find it funny that’s a bonus. SO DON’T EXPECT TO FIND ANY OF THIS FUNNY, ALRIGHT? NO FUN IN THIS EPISODE!

Everything You Need To Know about Monty Python’s Flying Circus (and perhaps some things you don’t really need to know)
Remember, this is not a blog post, it’s just some text which accompanies this audio episode. So, to get the full information you should listen to the podcast.
Who are they?
Why are they called “Monty Python’s Flying Circus”
Where did they come from?
What did they do?
What was so special about it? Why do people like it so much?
The wild, crazy & anarchic approach.
The postmodern approach – breaking all the rules.
The performances.
The writing.
The originality (although this kind of thing had been started by The Goon Show, Spike Milligan & Peter Cook)
The animations.
The level of intelligence, combined with the readiness to be completely stupid too.
What effect has their work had on culture in general?
Is their comedy still funny or relevant today?
What does their comedy tell us about the British sense of humour?
What are some of the most famous Monty Python moments?

Sketches
Let’s listen to some sketches by Python. Below is a list of some of my favourite sketches by Monty Python. You can see most of them on their YouTube channel . I strongly suggest you buy their work too. Here’s a list on Amazon of pretty much everything you can purchase by Monty Python’s Flying Circus. My favourites are the movies “Monty Python & The Holy Grail”, “Life of Brian”, “Live at the Hollywood Bowl” and the audio recording of “Live at Drury Lane”. Don’t bother with the TV show unless you’re a hardcore fan. You could just get “The Best of Monty Python’s Flying Circus” if you want to see some of their sketches. Otherwise, just check out videos from their YouTube channel here.

I will probably come back to Python sketches in the future because there’s no way I can cover everything in this episode. I’ll be lucky to get through more than 2 sketches to be honest.

PLEASE DO NOT EXPECT TO FIND ANYTHING FUNNY.

The Parrot Sketch
I can’t really explain why this is ‘funny’ – in fact many people agree that it isn’t their funniest sketch, but it’s definitely the most famous one. Most people know some lines from it. Some people know every line and can recite the entire sketch from memory. Thatcher quoted it in a speech once. Let’s listen and find out what all the fuss is about.

Script for the Parrot Sketch
MR. PRALINE
John Cleese
SHOP OWNER
Michael Palin
The sketch:

A customer enters a pet shop.

Mr. Praline: ‘Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

(The owner does not respond.)

Mr. Praline: ‘Ello, Miss?

Owner: What do you mean “miss”?

Mr. Praline: (pause)I’m sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!

Owner: We’re closin’ for lunch.

Mr. Praline: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.

Owner: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue…What’s,uh…What’s wrong with it?

Mr. Praline: I’ll tell you what’s wrong with it, my lad. ‘E’s dead, that’s what’s wrong with it!

Owner: No, no, ‘e’s uh,…he’s resting.

Mr. Praline: Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I’m looking at one right now.

Owner: No no he’s not dead, he’s, he’s restin’! Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, idn’it, ay? Beautiful plumage!

Mr. Praline: The plumage don’t enter into it. It’s stone dead.

Owner: Nononono, no, no! ‘E’s resting!

Mr. Praline: All right then, if he’s restin’, I’ll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) ‘Ello, Mister Polly Parrot! I’ve got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you show…

(owner hits the cage)

Owner: There, he moved!

Mr. Praline: No, he didn’t, that was you hitting the cage!

Owner: I never!!

Mr. Praline: Yes, you did!

Owner: I never, never did anything…

Mr. Praline: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) ‘ELLO POLLY!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o’clock alarm call!

(Takes parrot out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)

Mr. Praline: Now that’s what I call a dead parrot.

Owner: No, no…..No, ‘e’s stunned!

Mr. Praline: STUNNED?!?

Owner: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin’ up! Norwegian Blues stun easily, major.

Mr. Praline: Um…now look…now look, mate, I’ve definitely ‘ad enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not ‘alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein’ tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.

Owner: Well, he’s…he’s, ah…probably pining for the fjords.

Mr. Praline: PININ’ for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got ‘im home?

Owner: The Norwegian Blue prefers keepin’ on it’s back! Remarkable bird, id’nit, squire? Lovely plumage!

Mr. Praline: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.

(pause)

Owner: Well, o’course it was nailed there! If I hadn’t nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent ’em apart with its beak, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!

Mr. Praline: “VOOM”?!? Mate, this bird wouldn’t “voom” if you put four million volts through it! ‘E’s bleedin’ demised!

Owner: No no! ‘E’s pining!

Mr. Praline: ‘E’s not pinin’! ‘E’s passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! ‘E’s expired and gone to meet ‘is maker! ‘E’s a stiff! Bereft of life, ‘e rests in peace! If you hadn’t nailed ‘im to the perch ‘e’d be pushing up the daisies! ‘Is metabolic processes are now ‘istory! ‘E’s off the twig! ‘E’s kicked the bucket, ‘e’s shuffled off ‘is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!

(pause)

Owner: Well, I’d better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I’ve had a look ’round the back of the shop, and uh, we’re right out of parrots.

Mr. Praline: I see. I see, I get the picture.

Owner: (pause) I got a slug.

(pause)

Mr. Praline: Pray, does it talk?

Owner: Nnnnot really.

Mr. Praline: WELL IT’S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?

Owner: N-no, I guess not. (gets ashamed, looks at his feet)

Mr. Praline: Well.

(pause)

Owner: (quietly) D’you…. d’you want to come back to my place?

Mr. Praline: (looks around) Yeah, all right, sure.

Alternate ending:

Mr. Praline: (sweet as sugar) Pray, does it talk?

Owner: Nnnnot really.

Mr. Praline: WELL IT’S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?

The Dead Parrot Sketch (The Studio Version)

The Dead Parrot Sketch (Live version – funnier)

The Pythons Talk about The Dead Parrot Sketch

Margaret Thatcher does The Dead Parrot Sketch

Mick Jagger of The Rolling Stones talks about the Python reunion, saying they are… “a bunch of wrinkly old men trying to relive their youth. The best one died years ago. Maybe back in the 70s it was fantastic! But, you know, we’ve seen it all before!” Of course he is making fun of himself (the same things are true about the Stones) and yet also showing his respect for Monty Python. At the end of this sketch Mick agrees to perform The Dead Parrot Sketch in the next Rolling Stones concert.

Other Sketches That I like
Spam (This is the origin of the word spam on the internet. It’s completely farcical)
Witch Burning
The Peasants
What have the Romans ever done for us?
The Funniest Joke in the World
The Communists Quiz
The Philosopher’s Football Match
The Spanish Inquisition
The Ministry of Silly Walks
The songs!
The Lumberjack Song, The Philosopher Song, Always Look on the Bright Side of Life.
The Dirty Fork (The Restaurant Sketch)
Nudge Nudge Wink Wink
+ many more…

Terry Gilliam’s Animations

Famous American Comedians Talk About Why They Love Monty Python

Why do people like Monty Python so much? (Comments from YAHOO ANSWERS)
ORIGINAL QUESTION: Hysteria98: Why do people find Monty Python funny? The only reason I can think of why, is that its so ridiculous.
Best AnswerVoter’s Choice
It’s ridiculously funny and funnily ridiculous. It’s genius.
you have to look at it in the context of the time it was on TV for the first time- in the late 60s and early 70s nothing like it had ever been seen before- the sheer randomness was exciting as you never knew what was going to happen next. Remember there were only 2 TV channels in the UK back then, so Monty Python was hysterically fun and funny

Black Star Deceiver answered 4 years ago
Oh it’s unpredictable, so simple and yet sheer genius. The guys are legends.
Long Live the comedy of Monty Python!

Mike answered 4 years ago
Monty python has not dated at all, it was funny then and funny now, ridiculous situations are funny no matter what decade, for instance the guy who wrote the worlds funniest joke, it was so funny he died laughing at it, so the army used the joke and translated it to german to shout at the enemy, instead of shooting at them !

Alice answered 4 years ago
I can understand your question perfectly.
Its probably a generational thing.
I’ve noticed a lot of older friends of mine really love it but i just dont get where the “Funny” is…
It doesn’t even make me smile. I like comedy that examines people, their personalities and situations that they get into.

Alan Partridge
Father Ted
Peep Show

kaznaid answered 4 years ago
Sadly, I remember MP when it was first broadcast on BBC 1 in 1969. Actually, I didn’t find it very funny but I was only 12 years old.

I only started to laugh after I watched Life of Brian and Holy Grail. Some of it is very silly but, last week, I saw the Upper Class Twit Olympics on the BBC’s celebration of the programme, and I laughed so much I cried!!

So, it just shows that it obviously does not date … and it can grow on you although it did take 40 years!!!

Intrinsic Random Event answered 4 years ago
They are the Dali of comedy

legs answered 4 years ago
It was very much of its time – groundbreaking – much loved by many of my generation. I was studying for GCEs & my English teacher was a great fan as were most of his pupils. It was a must see for many of us after all we only had BBC1 & ITV, then BBC2 came along but not the multi-channel choice now available. I still laugh at the sketches & the films. I have a weird sense of humour maybe that explains why I like it!

Lexx answered 4 years ago
off the wall humour that pushes the boundaries with out resorting to sex and profanity ( well most of the time)
They pushed the limits of comedy which now has become the norm – but MP lead the way for many comedians that are amazing
Long live the Python!!

Rebecca answered 4 years ago
Because it is ridiculous. You have 2 types of people, those that find it funny because it is silly and those who cannot get past the silly to see the humor.
For example the attack rabbit “what is he going to do, nibble my bum?”

Mae answered 4 years ago
That’s the reason it’s so funny, it’s just insanely ridiculous. That kind of funny that makes your stomach hurt you’re laughing so much.

itsjustme answered 4 years ago
It was the late 60’s early 70’s and they were pushing the edge back then,therefor it was very funny.This is a funny scene and a catchy tune too.

Sniper answered 4 years ago
I didn’t think people found it funny at all o_O

MrMunchy420 answered 4 years ago
Because its just brilliant in general.
Ridiculous does have a lot to do with it :P

Abolyss answered 4 years ago
that is exactly why.

Its so ridiculous its funny.
Huh? It is funny!! And it’s so random.

knownout answered 4 years ago
I don’t . Its just stupidity

The Script for the Introduction to This Podcast (Which I didn’t use – because it’s too similar to the opening of Monty Python Live at Drury Lane, and I don’t want to steal their jokes!)
Radio voice… Welcome ladies and gentlemen to this special Royal Gala edition of Luke’s English Podcast. You join us here at the Royal Albert Hall, where this podcast is being recorded with a star studded audience, including her Royal Highness The Queen.
Among the other members of this celebrity audience, we can see… err… what’s his name… umm, that guy with the glasses on TV… also in the audience this evening, um, that woman, you know, the one in the TV commercials about that thing… just arriving now, it’s… um, you know that famous guy who is always in the newspapers…
And the atmosphere here at the Albert hall, with a royal audience, is electric, as the audience finally takes their seats to witness the recording of this extra special episode on British comedy legends, Monty Python’s Flying Circus. Unfortunately, none of the original pythons are present this evening, for legal reasons, but their spirit is very much with us… unless someone has just farted… Yes I think that’s it actually. And the lights now dim in the auditorium as Mr Luke Thompson of Solihull, takes the stage to begin the recording of this Royal podcast episode.
Good evening (cheering)
And I would especially like to welcome Her Royal Highness, it is indeed a great pleasure to have you here this evening. How’s it going? Sorry, I can’t hear you… I SAID HOW’S IT GOING LIZ??? Oh sorry…
Anyway, we are here today in order to pay tribute to the work of the comedy group known as Monty Python’s Flying Circus. (disappointment)
You did know that didn’t you?
You didn’t?
Wait, don’t leave… it’s interesting, I promise!
Wait…
Your majesty!
Everybody, this is going to be a really good podcast! Wait!
(Voice over) and as everybody leaves the auditorium, Luke has no choice but to continue the recording for our benefit…

Monty Python Live at Drury Lane

MontyPythonPIC

185. The Trip to New York

As promised, here is a description of my holiday in The Big Apple! In this episode I tell you what I did, what I saw and what it was like for me. You can read some vocabulary in the notes (not necessarily full sentences) that I’ve added below. There’s a slideshow of photos at the bottom if you fancy looking at that.

Small Donate Button[DOWNLOAD]

Ambient music in the background – Bloom app by Brian Eno
This is an experiment to see how it sounds and how it affects the episode. I put music on in the background from time to time just to give episodes another element. This might make you fall asleep! I hope not. Well, if you do fall asleep we can blame the music and not me! The music is made using an app developed by Brian Eno. It’s a really clever app that allows you to compose ambient music that slowly loops and evolves over time.

Holiday Stories
People’s holiday stories can be boring, especially if they go to the beach.
People sometimes bore you with holiday photos, or even worse a long video of their holiday.

I certainly hope that this episode holds your attention. It should, because NYC is a very vibrant and interesting place and there are lots of things to say about it. You’ll also hear me using all kinds of phrases and vocabulary during the episode – the sort of language that is used to describe a holiday or a trip, or language for describing places and experiences, although I have not formally planned to teach you any specific items of vocabulary, we’ll just see what comes up.

So, let’s start.
I went in April, and that’s about 6 weeks ago. It’s still pretty fresh in my memory.

Times Square

Times Square

Context: I’ve lived in a few cities. London, Yokohama/Tokyo, Paris, Liverpool. I’ve also visited quite a few other cities, like Berlin, Barcelona, Milan, Rome, Oslo, Ho Chi Min City and others. Each city has its own unique atmosphere, story and appeal. New York though seems to be like the king of cities. I’ve never been to Moscow, Sao Paolo, Madrid, Prague, Seoul (except the airport) or many many other places. One day I would love to go. New York sticks in my imagination as the king of cities though. Perhaps it just has the best marketing – with all the movies and so on. But overall, New York seems to be the best example of a modern metropolis – a super-city.

Also, there are different levels of experience you can have when you visit a place. If you’ve lived there all your life, you’ll know one version of it. If you are a permanent resident, but you’ve lived in other places, you’ll have a different perspective, and if you’re just visiting as a tourist you’ll have another vision. As a tourist I realise I’m just scraping the surface really. The reality of living there must be quite different. I expect it can be a tough place to live just like anywhere else. NYC is know for being quite a stressful place for its residents, with the stereotype of the impatient New Yorkers who rush around, shouting “I’m walking here!” or desperately trying to get a cab, or arguing with someone in the street. Also, New York must hold lots of secrets for the people who know it well. The best places to go, the best food joints, the shortcuts though the streets, and the little tricks that you pick up regarding how to get by in the city. For example, in London you learn fairly quickly that you’re expected to do things in a certain way. Queueing etiquette, how to book a table, areas in town that you should avoid at certain times. So, as a tourist I was just scratching the surface. But NYC has a lot to offer to everyone – either permanent residents or temporary visitors. It’s a vast, sprawling place which has many faces. It’s pretty clear by now that I loved it and I think it’s incredible.

How does New York compare to the USA as a whole.

Why New York? Why not one of the other wonderful places in the world?

The flights
The in-flight entertainment
What it’s like being on a plane for about 7 hours. What are the difficulties and what are the joys?
I pissed off a stewardess and she ignored me forever after that.
They’re not so much there to serve you, but to dictate to you what you must do. She felt like Nurse Ratchet.
“I need you to turn that off for me please”
In-flight entertainment – Walther Mitty, All Is Lost – made me cry. Why do we get more emotional when we’re in the air?
Best and worst places to sit?
Fears about landings and take-offs?
Jerry Seinfeld – Airports & Flying (Seinfeld is the king of observational comedy and this is a classic routine about airports & flying.)

Arriving in America
Views of cars from the air. Big American cars.
Immigration – long queue, quite strict staff (I need you to turn off that cell phone! – Sir! Put the cell phone away! I’m turning it off. You don’t need to turn it off, just put it in your paaackit. etc)
Made jokes with the immigration officer guy. “Is he with you?” “No” Do you have children sir. “Not as far as I know” “Now would be a weird time to find out”…
Arriving in the airport – the first thing that hit us – the smell of french fries, and ketchup. That was the first smell. We took the train – quite loud and aggressive announcements to put bags up, but we couldn’t.
People were immediately friendly and helpful.
We got off at the wrong stop and ended up in New Jersey.
Arrived in Penn station finally – in the middle of Manhattan. Classic New York. Big buildings, yellow cabs, Madison Square Garden. Lots of people.
Everything is BIG!
Buildings, cars and PEOPLE.
Some people seem to be kind of square in shape.
Some classic NYC accents – train staff, police officers, a girl who helped us buy train tickets.
Cab ride to our neighbourhood. Looking out the window at the skyscrapers.
TV in the back of the cab.
Dropped off in our neighbourhood – lower East side. Clinton Street.
Quite downmarket & a bit rough, but very cool and hip. It felt safe, and very trendy. Organic cafes serving bagels and good coffee.
It felt like 100 movies and TV shows.
We were pretty knackered when we arrived.
We unpacked and then discovered the area a bit.

Katz Deli
The first thing we did was go to a place called Katz Delicatessen, which is a famous place for several reasons. 1. It has featured in a few films, notably “When Harry Met Sally”. 2. The food is amazing, particularly the pastrami sandwich. Massive amounts, really delicious. Just what the doctor ordered.
The place was amazing. Super friendly service. Full of locals.

Brooklyn
Sesame Street vibe.
Flea market.
Buildings.
Brownstones. Stoops.
Cops taping off an area with yellow police lines. NYPD Blue?
Ate lunch on steps listening to soulful house music blaring out of a speaker in the market, while a bearded hipster mended fixie bikes and mixed-race families let their kids run around and dance to the music. It was cool and hipsterish, but really it was a good atmosphere with a community spirit.
It reminded me of London – but a massive London on steroids.
Some areas were similar. Brooklyn felt a bit like South London, or the trendy parts of East London. Soho felt exactly like Soho, but massive. Times Square was like Leicester Square/Piccadilly Circus, but much bigger. Parts of Broadway felt like Oxford Street, but, yes, much bigger.
Everything is bigger – have I already said that?
Food portions & drinks – which is convenient because you can always order the small size.
Drink bottles are about 25% bigger than back home.
We walked back from Brooklyn to Manhattan via Williamsburg, which is a super-cool area full of very trendy people and hipster shops and cafes etc. It was very sunny and hot. On the way back we stopped near the river to rest. There was a large open area with a sports field, grass, and bars with big barbecues outside. Lots of people were drinking and eating in the sun, and there was an amazing view of the Manhattan skyline across the river in front of us.
We kept walking and came across a latin bar that was playing loud Salsa music, and loads of people were drinking and dancing outside the bar. This was just on a street corner near the Williamsburg bridge. It was about 6pm. I realised how multicultural the place is. There’s a large latin community and it’s reflected int he music. In fact, New York is famous for its diverse music. There’s the afro-American thing, the latin thing, disco and hip hop, a Caribbean influence, a jazz tradition, funk & soul music and also a folk and rock music tradition. It all combines to create a pretty brilliant melting pot. One of the cool things was to listen to music coming out of people’s cars. All of it sounded good.
The street where we stayed – cars blaring out music.
Took a taxi over Williamsburg Bridge.

Skyscraper district
The cool things about skyscrapers or big buildings that are on the skyline (and Mt Fuji in Japan) is that you see them from lots of different angles in the city. You can be walking around any part of New York and you’ll catch the Empire Stage Building or the Chrysler Building from a new angle and it immediately gives that area a kind of distinction. It happens in London now too. You can see The Shard from the north, south, east and west.
We took the subway to the central part of town and just walked around with our jaws on the floor. Amazing buildings towering above us.
I expected to see Spiderman flying between the buildings or something. We made our way to the Rockefeller Plaza and took a lift way up to the top. The Top of the Rock as it’s called. There’s an amazing view from up there. You can see the entire city and all the skyscrapers. Don’t go up the Empire State because you can’t see The Empire State Building, which is one of the coolest buildings in the city.

Shopping
I bought some shoes.
“Sneakers” as they call them in the states. In NY everyone wears sneakers.
I don’t know why they call them that.
I don’t think anyone’s using them for sneaking. (Walking quietly, like a robber)
It’s not like everyone in New York is going “Shhh! You’ve got to walk quietly! This is New York! don’t make too much noise!”
In the UK we call them “trainers”. I don’t know what I’m training for. Maybe to get some better shoes.
“Sports shoes” although I’m pretty sure I won’t be doing any sport. Probably the opposite of sport – just standing around & drinking.
Customer service culture.
Everything is massive.
Big salads.
You can just buy a small anything. Small drink, small coffee, small salad.

Metropolitan Opera House
Madame Butterfly. Amazing visuals. Beautiful opera house – art deco design. Modern, but classic. Lovely open space and some chic New Yorkers in the audience. The stage is big and it was well used in the production. It was directed by Anthony Minghella – a British director who directed The English Patient, Cold Mountain etc. His films seem to tell similar stories – lovers who are separated by large distances and who live with the impossible hope of reuniting with their lovers. Madame Butterfly tells a story like this. To be honest, I wasn’t impressed by the story, and the script was pretty awful in my opinion. Maybe it’s because it’s a translation from Italian, and because it’s opera. It’s a different medium, not like cinema. Perhaps it’s not about the script, but about the visuals, and the singing. It’s probably more impressive in Italian. Anyway, I found the script and story to be pretty cheesy, and pretty stupid in fact. I don’t mean to be a philistine or anything, but let’s have a quick look at the story. It’s mainly the characters who I don’t like, I think. I fail to see the romance in it, and instead I just see people being really irresponsible. Story…

Weather
Sunny, then snowing and freezing! (It seems that the weather is pretty variable everywhere these days)
Freezing our asses off, and hiding in a meatball bar – drinking beer and eating spaghetti & meatballs while a small storm raged outside. Bliss!

Madison Square Garden & The Basketball Game
The Chicago Bulls vs The New York Knicks.
Amazing American Entertainment. The good and the bad. The food, the constant entertainment. Is it just an excuse to eat hot dogs?

Central Park
It’s like Hyde Park really, but bigger. The combination of the skyline and the greenery is very appealing. It makes you think of all kinds of Hollywood films. It also makes me think of John Lennon and Yoko Ono walking around in the late 1970s. We saw the disco dancers and roller skaters, and the other performers. It’s very crowded and full of tourists.

Other Highlights
The Comedy Cellar + Seeing Louis CK!

The Highline
Wall Street
Wholefoods Supermarkets
Getting fit from walking
Old buildings – it must get very cold
Classy restaurant in Soho

The McKittrick Hotel & “Sleep No More”
It was a surprise.
This turned out to be one of the strangest and mysterious experiences I’ve had for a long time.
The McKittrick Hotel is a 6 or 7 storey building which has been converted into a bar on one floor, and the rest of the floors have been taken over by a theatre company from London called “PunchDrunk”. They’ve converted all these rooms on all these floors (about 100 rooms) into an elaborate and interactive theatre space. Every evening a performance takes place within this space, and you as the audience can just walk around, exploring the space, investigating rooms, and there is a whole performance also going on around you. Sometimes you see performers, sometimes you follow them around from room to room observing the action from inside the space. The closest thing I could compare it to, was a computer game such as Resident Evil 2, or other suspenseful horror mystery games.
Go through the experience from the beginning – that may be the best way to explain it.
Queue up – normal restaurant or night club in New York.
When you enter – you leave your coats, and a silent woman gives you a playing card. I got number 13, and my girlfriend got a different card. Then we walked into a corridor and it was really dark. We laughed a bit at this because the illusion was beginning. We walked up stairs and into a bar, but it was like a scene from Twin Peaks. There was a girl singing a jazz tune, and people in 1920s costumes standing at the bar. The place was dark and smokey and it felt like Twin Peaks or some American noir thriller. I expected to see Jessica Rabbit at any moment. We got some drinks and waited. Every now and then a man in a tuxedo with a posh British accent would call out numbers, and groups of people would disappear out of the room…
Click here to visit the website for Sleep No More at The McKittrick Hotel.

New York Slideshow